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Chapter Text

Arthur wasn’t staring. No, he never was because he was watching. He was attentive and cautious and needed to know what was happening around the kingdom so he watched like a hawk. 

This little habit of his obviously made no exceptions, and so he found himself watching a certain gangly young man making his way through his room as clumsily as he could. He was a literal nightmare of a manservant and Arthur could not for the hell of it figure out what Uther had thought when he hired him. 

There had been no reason whatsoever to invite - no, command - a young stranger without training or etiquette into the royal court. Some flowers and a nice bag of gold would have probably made him happier than his new role, judging by the undisguised annoyance on his face while he was sweeping the floor for the third time today. 

Arthur watched him from his desk, moving the ring on his finger around mindlessly. No, no matter how hard he thought he could not see the reasoning behind Uther’s decision, but he was no fool. He wouldn’t question his father on this. 

At least not openly. But if Merlin were to quit on his own accord, leaving the court to go back to working with Gaius, then who was to blame? 

Arthur grinned to himself and made sure to stomp heavily enough as he walked to the door to leave some dirt from his boots behind. 

“I think you missed a spot,” he chimed happily, and made his way to the training grounds. He couldn’t hide the mischievous grin on his face. 

Some of the knights were already there, practising with swords and crossbows, and Arthur watched them work for a moment, assessing their progress and skill. He found himself somewhat pleased that they weren’t in worse shape but he couldn’t possibly be satisfied with the bunch of men that all strove to be knights. 

Right now , he thought, none of them deserve to be knights of Camelot. 

He joined the lot of them on the training grounds, without armour because a certain someone had not yet bothered to show up on the training field and Arthur wasn’t one to waste precious time. If he wanted to be a knight and a respectable prince, he had to fight like hell on a good day. 

Today, he’d have to do it without armour. 

Arthur waved one of them over who seemed to be slightly uncertain about what to do. Arthur confidently grabbed his sword and shield and motioned for him to come closer. He slowly did and then Arthur charged at him. 

Arthur had him pinned to the ground in a mere handful of blows and he only sighed before walking away, not bothering to help him get up. With men like that, Camelot would fall within the hour. Arthur scoffed and then caught a glimpse of pale skin and dark hair quickly looking down on armour. But Arthur knew what he had seen and he grinned to himself. 

Merlin had watched him. And judging by the slight grin on his face, he hadn’t minded the show. He made his way over to Merlin who was currently trying to sort out the pieces of his armour. The chestplate was upside down and Arthur was sure that the shoulder part was not where it was meant to be. 

“Ever seen armour before?” Arthur asked casually and Merlin rolled his eyes at him. Arthur saw the barely hidden annoyance and antipathy. 

“Yes, Sire, but I never had to help someone else get dressed. The people I surround myself with are usually quite capable and not overwhelmed with the sole task of carrying their enormous heads,” Merlin retorted and looked at him challengingly. 

They were face to face, closer than they had ever been before and Arthur blinked once, twice before it hit him. Merlin was just the tiniest bit taller than him. Arthur was so entirely taken aback by the revelation that he forgot to answer for a moment. 

When he did, his words came out flat and he couldn’t quite stop looking right into Merlin’s eyes. There was something within the depths of the unknown in front of him that had him unable to look away. 

“Better get used to it then,” he said and Merlin finally ended the moment by looking down at the metal pieces in front of him. 

“Let me help dress you then, Sire,” Merlin said with such insolence that it would have irritated Arthur normally. Now, he was thankful for the excuse to keep on bantering to keep his mind from going further down paths he didn’t dare walk upon. 

“Merlin, whatever you do this is not how you start,” Arthur whined after Merlin picked up a piece. He pointed to the chainmail. “How about that?”

Merlin rolled his eyes at him and Arthur only shook his head, watching Merlin as he brought it over. Arthur took it into his hands, quickly putting it on himself. Merlin seemed to try to memorise what they were doing and Arthur would never admit it but the way Merlin concentrated on every one of the steps impressed him. 

It would take a lot more time for Arthur to realise that Merlin was indeed not as simple-minded as he had initially thought. For now, he was grateful that Merlin made some kind of an effort. 

He pointedly ignored the tiny voice in his head telling him that this was entirely going against his plan to get rid of Merlin as soon as possible. 

They made it through the entirety of his armour but when Merlin was finally done, it had taken about thrice as long as it should have. In the end Arthur had fastened most of the straps and tightened everything for the right fit.

Merlin had started swearing under his breath quite some time ago. Both the weight and amount of things to somehow attach to Arthur had made him feel incompetent. He wasn’t meant to be a servant, he had never asked for this, but could it really be so hard?

Arthur watched Merlin as he pushed his hair up off his forehead and he then turned around, heading back onto the training field. Most of the men had already completed their training and Arthur looked at Leon who was practising a beginner’s drill with a page too old to be still doing this. 

Arthur scoffed and swung his sword through the air, feeling utterly at ease with the way it felt in his hand. He had been given his first proper sword mere months after his fifth summer and by now it felt like a part of him. 

“Sir Leon?” He called over to the older man who nodded at him and soon walked closer. 

“Yes, Sire?” Leon answered and Arthur raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Some sparring to end the session?” He suggested while subconsciously eyeing the crowd for Merlin’s dark hair. 

“Certainly,” Leon said, smiling more to himself than at Arthur before adjusting his grip on his sword and nodding slowly, watching Arthur intently. 

They did this a lot, usually because Arthur was tired of easy wins and Leon didn’t mind the challenge. Somewhere deep down under his professionalism , Arthur thought, Leon had to have a soft spot for him. 

Arthur took a slow, measured breath, waiting for Leon to strike, but nothing happened, no one moved, not even a flinch. Arthur couldn’t help but start grinning before he charged. Leon parried his attack with ease. 

It went on like this for quite some time, strikes and parries and Arthur felt himself tiring, his swings getting wider and his stance sloppy, but he didn’t stop. His grin faded eventually and Leon had long-since returned to his usual expression, unreadable and cool. 

But Arthur heard the pants and saw the way he moved his fingers on the hilt of the sword, trying to get the blood flowing and to ease the aching pain. Arthur saw it because he felt the same. He saw it because he still watched cautiously as Leon began his next move. 

It was pure instinct that allowed him to escape once more, circling Leon like a dancer at a ball. The sword felt impossibly heavy in his hand and Arthur knew that this was his last strike. 

He heard the roar escaping his throat before he realised that it was him making that sound. He put all of his power into this last blow only to be deflected by Leon’s sword. He had to fight for a second to keep his balance before he sighed. 

“Draw?” Arthur asked and Leon nodded, looking at him with pride. 

“You are getting better by the day, my Lord. You will soon surely be Camelot’s finest,” Leon complimented him and Arthur grasped his outstretched hand.

“Thank you, Sir Leon,” he replied while once again looking for Merlin. He better be around somewhere because Arthur wouldn’t get out of his chainmail on his own. But of course, he was nowhere to be seen and Arthur didn’t dive any deeper into his frustration about the fact that Merlin wasn’t here. 

It certainly wasn’t because he was disappointed that Merlin hadn’t seen him fight. 

Arthur stalked off the training grounds and to the side where other servants were busy taking away chainmail or holding jugs of water. Merlin was still nowhere to be seen and Arthur took a deep, calming breath. 

His patience wasn’t great on a good day. And Merlin had been tampering with it all day. 

“ Mer lin!” He called out with as little frustration and annoyance in his voice as possible which was still quite a lot. The greater was his surprise when Merlin actually came out of the gate and calmly walked towards him, smiling innocently. 

“Do you need help, Sire ?” Merlin chimed and Arthur felt like the veins on his forehead had to pop any moment now. 

“No, Mer lin, I need you to do your job,” Arthur said with such fake calm that it actually made Merlin laugh. Arthur watched him with a blank expression but Merlin wasn’t intimidated by that in the slightest so Arthur only rolled his eyes. 

“Will you get going then? I’d like to get inside before nightfall,” he told Merlin who shook his head in amusement but actually got to work. He undid the clasps with slow but measured movements and Arthur was surprised to see him do most of the things on his own and, even more surprisingly, correctly.

He was still not even close to quick enough but Arthur saw light at the end of a dark, raven-coloured tunnel. 

When Merlin was finally done, he grinned at him proudly. 

“Now, clean the armour and polish my sword, will you?” 

It almost hurt Arthur to see his grin wilt away but Arthur could not be soft now. Not when Merlin challenged him with every breath he took. Somehow, Merlin seemed to be determined to not make this easy for either of them. 

His eyes followed Merlin as he struggled to carry the armour and weapons away and he wondered how long that would take him. He really fancied a bath now. 

~

Watching Merlin had blended into his life just as easily as the banter and the raised eyebrows, the rolled eyes and the mutual understanding that this wasn’t so bad after all. Arthur still thought Merlin was a horrible servant, mostly because he was. But he also saw something different now, something honest and true. Something he wouldn’t give up on. 

When he watched Merlin fall to the floor, chalice clattering on the stone, it was the first time that watching didn’t feel like enough. He was on his feet and by Merlin’s side before he knew it and it wasn’t enough to see him breathe, he needed to touch, to feel. 

His hand was resting on his chest, feeling the strained rise of Merlin’s breathing and suddenly he wished he had never seen, never felt. 

His world had been tilted, thrown off its course where bad things were fought with swords and force. As much as he tried to fight his way through this one, it didn’t work. He saw the way Merlin’s skin had turned ashen and his lips were dry and chapped. 

The rise of his chest was strenuous at best and when Gaius told him about the cure, there was no way he wouldn’t get to it. He needed Merlin to be alright, needed to see him again, and not a shell of the man he had grown to know. 

He needed for Merlin to see him, to roll his eyes at him and be his brutally honest self. Because within what couldn’t be more than a few weeks, he couldn’t live with the thought of not seeing him again. 

It was absolute desperation that led Arthur to the sacred flower, the cure to the injustice that kept on replaying in his mind. Every step of his quest to save Merlin he saw him falling to the ground in awful slow-motion. He saw the determination, the stupid, self-sacrificing idiot that drank poison for him. 

Merlin had chosen to die for him. 

The thought made Arthur’s stomach squirm and his hands clench involuntarily. He was no stranger to the idea of people dying for Camelot or to save their prince but Merlin wasn’t like that. Arthur knew that Merlin had not done this out of a strange sense of duty to the crown. Merlin valued a nobleman’s life just as much as a commoner’s. 

No, Merlin had seen a chance to save him and it had been for Arthur alone, not the prince he was or the king he would someday be. Merlin had saved him because if he could, Arthur didn’t have a doubt, he’d save everyone. 

But it had been him, had been the prince who was now fighting his way back to him. Back to the one he owed his life to, the one whose life depended on him like no one ever had. 

It made Arthur’s heart race, knowing that Merlin’s survival depended on every moment he spent in the cold of this cave, trying to reach what he shouldn’t have to look for in the first place. Merlin was so, so innocent. He didn’t play any role in the game of intrigues and treason he had been born into. 

Arthur clenched his teeth, fighting the urge to shout out at the world and curse the heavens above. Instead, he kept on climbing, further and further because if Merlin was still alive, was still fighting, so could he. 

He groaned quietly and then he stilled. He saw the glimmering light before he saw its source and he furrowed his brow. A single bulb of light was floating in the air, urging him to go on. Arthur looked around but there was nothing and no one besides him and the strange light. 

He felt the strength leave his body and knew it was the last bit of a chance he had to make it back to Merlin in time, so he took it, putting all his trust into the small work of magic, praying it wasn’t sent to deceive him. 

~

The world felt dull and grey before he heard the news from Gwen and it only returned to its usual bright colours when he saw Merlin again. Merlin, who was looking at him, clearly drained but alive, and Arthur couldn’t help but smile at him from the doorway. 

“I am glad to see you well,” Arthur said with too much fondness in his voice, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Merlin had survived, had saved him without sacrificing himself and Arthur couldn’t be happier. 

“I have you to thank for that,” Merlin said and nodded in thanks. Arthur shook his head. 

“I’d be dead if you hadn’t drunk the poison for me, Merlin. I owe you my life,” Arthur argued and Merlin smiled. 

“Well, you repaid the favour just fine,” Merlin answered and smiled at Arthur softly.  “Let’s not make it a habit though,” he joked and Arthur nodded strongly. 

Their eyes locked and Arthur felt a lifetime of emotions rush through his anxious heart. He looked at Merlin and wished he didn’t ever have to take his eyes off of him again, just to make sure that he’d be fine. 

Merlin looked back with a somewhat troubled expression and Arthur furrowed his brow just when the look on his face faded and he smiled softly. 

“Get some rest, Arthur,” Merlin told him and slowly got up from his chair. Arthur had to fight the urge to keep him from moving, holding him still for his own sake. Instead he just watched as Merlin slowly took a few steps closer to him, tentative as if he wasn’t sure if his legs would carry his weight. 

Merlin now stood somewhere between the door to his chambers and Arthur, and he looked so lost as he supported himself on the armrest of a chair. Arthur looked at him and he couldn’t believe that he’d almost lost him. 

They barely knew each other and Arthur was no fool, he knew that he was behaving stupidly but he allowed himself a tiny glimpse of hope that maybe, just maybe he’d be allowed whatever they were bound to become. 

They were close to strangers and yet Arthur knew that they would not stay that way. He knew because no one had ever offered their life for his so selflessly before and he had never before gone against his father and his brain to save the life of someone he barely knew yet couldn’t bear to lose. 

“I better go,” Arthur offered helplessly, overwhelmed by his own train of thought and Merlin nodded absently. Arthur quickly left the room and made his way back to his chambers but thought better of it. 

Instead, he took another turn and then quietly knocked on a door. 

“Yes?” He heard his sister’s calm voice and he entered. 

“Good evening,” he said and smiled lightly while she eyed him cautiously.

“Are you alright?” She asked suspiciously and got up from her armchair. Arthur shook his head as he watched her stand not like the princess she was but like a queen. He found himself stunned at the thought but brushed it aside. 

“Yes, yes, very much alright. Thanks to you,” he admitted and grinned lopsidedly at her. 

“If I didn’t know better I’d actually say you’re wise,” he continued and she rolled his eyes at him with exasperation. 

“Just as I was starting to like you, brother,” she replied but the smile on her lips betrayed her. 

“You did the right thing, Arthur. Whether you care about it or not: I am proud of you,” she said and Arthur felt like he was coming home. A calm warmth spread through his chest. 

“I don’t know if I would have done it without you,” he said quietly, almost scared to voice the quiet doubt at the back of his mind. 

“You would have, Arthur,” she replied with such confidence that Arthur almost believed it. He tried. But there was a small, nagging piece of doubt still playing hide-and-seek with him. It hid around corners and in the deepest of abysses in his mind but it wouldn’t leave. 

It wasn’t a new feeling, he wouldn’t feel complete without it. Still, he wished he could find peace. 

Morgana smiled at him encouragingly and placed a gentle hand on his arm. 

“I believe in you, Arthur. You have proven that you are a good man with a good heart. That is all you need to be to make a fine king. And should you ever get lost, I’ll make sure to drag you back on your path,” she said to him and squeezed his arm. 

“Promise?” He asked, feeling thrown back in time and like the little brother he was. 

“Promise,” she answered and gently nudged him towards the door. “But now, you need to rest.”

~

His chambers felt strangely empty and huge after days in the cell and he found himself staring at the fireplace. It was lit, quietly crackling away and Arthur got lost in the sight of it. He was contemplating whether Morgana could be right. Could he actually become a man worthy of the crown, the throne and this kingdom? 

Arthur wished he had someone to confide in, to trust with his deepest doubts and sorrows. But he was alone, just like a prince had to be. He couldn’t let anyone know or else they’d exploit his trust and weakness. 

But still, he dared to dream. Dream of a soul that’d listen and hold him whenever he was lost, guide him through the dark and into the light. His thoughts flickered back to the strange light in the cave. 

Whoever had sent it was yet another soul he owed his life to. He had no idea who it could have been. There had been only a mere handful of people aware of what he was doing, most importantly Uther, Morgana, Gwen and Gaius and he didn’t know why, but he felt that it couldn’t have been any of them for various reasons. 

Arthur closed his eyes. He could still see the flames dancing on the inside of his eyelids. He had liked fire, as a child he had adored its beauty. That was until he had seen the first man die at the stake, the smell of burnt meat and agonising screams had haunted him for weeks. A mere handful of summers old, he hadn’t spoken to his father for days. 

Over time, his views might have shifted but he had never forgotten the twisted face and the way the fire took from him relentlessly, mercilessly. It was the day he had first seen fire as a double-edged sword. 

He blinked out of the memories and looked outside the window, trying to push the images away, out of his mind. He saw his own blurry reflection blending in with the dark night and it made him shiver. 

For a quick, fearful moment he felt like he was looking right into his future, into a world where he turned to the dark side and directly followed Uther’s footsteps down a path of angst and terror. 

Arthur closed his eyes and took some deep, steadying breaths. He could feel his spinning head start to slow down and his heartbeat got back into its usual rhythm while Arthur held on to the glimmer of hope that he was different.

He leaned back into the cushions and looked at the ceiling, dreading the night ahead. Watching Merlin almost die must have awoken some unresolved memories in him and he wished he didn’t have to fight through the nightmares that were inevitably on the horizon alone.

He sighed, allowing himself one more wistful moment before heading to bed. George must have left some time ago and so all he did was step out of his trousers and take off his shirt before collapsing onto the bed. 

The exhaustion pinned him down to the bed, suddenly weighing him down with such impossible force that he didn’t even make it underneath the blanket before passing out. His sleep was deep but painfully so, trapping him in nightmares from which he couldn’t wake up. 

When George stepped into his room the next morning, ready to wake his master, he was slightly taken aback by an empty, unmade bed and an otherwise empty room. 

Arthur had taken the first chance he got to flee his chambers, escape his thoughts and punish an innocent servant with sharp orders and a particularly foul mood. He was getting on his own nerves and everyone around him only made it worse. 

If Merlin were here to see this, he thought, he’d scold the living hell out of me. 

But Merlin wasn’t here which somehow added to his irritation and so he kept on being an arse, punishing the world for his mood and fate. He damned his status as prince as he sparred with a young man, barely more than a boy who did an annoyingly good job at fighting off his angry attacks.

Arthur beat him anyways but he had been challenged and that didn’t happen all too often, especially not with the younger ones. He managed an approving nod in his direction which made the man grin uncontrollably but Arthur had already stalked off to the side of the training grounds. 

“Hey you!” He shouted into the direction of a young maid who looked at him with wide eyes. 

“Help me take this off, will you?” He asked with a growl in his voice and he saw fear flicker over her face. He felt bad for a moment. 

“Don’t bother, Ameira, I’ll take care of his majesty,” he heard Merlin’s voice from behind him. When he turned around, he looked right into Merlin’s glinting eyes as he walked over to him. 

“Leave that poor girl alone, will you?” Merlin rolled his eyes at him and got to taking off the armour while Arthur stared at him, entirely caught off guard. 

“You should be resting,” he answered accusingly and Merlin shrugged. 

“Well, Gaius said I was splendid and should go for a walk. Who could have known I’d stumble upon your helpless highness,” Merlin replied innocently and all Arthur could do was smile at him in return. 

“It’s good to see you up and alright,” Arthur said and Merlin grinned up at him from where he was unfastening a plate on his side. 

“I am glad to leave that room, Gaius would barely let me out of his sight,” Merlin complained but Arthur thanked the old man in his thoughts. He was glad Merlin was taken care of. 

“So, you’re back on duty?” Arthur asked with an innocent look on his face and Merlin rolled his eyes at him. 

“Yes, you can stop harassing other servants now and let me suffer your temper,” Merlin said exasperatedly and Arthur wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be affronted. It turned out to be an embarrassing mixture of both and Merlin laughed at him. 

“Come on, you have to know that you can be absolutely insufferable,” Merlin grinned up at him cheekily and only barely evaded Arthur’s flying glove. 

“See?!” Merlin laughed at him and hid behind a bush. Arthur came charging after him and Merlin ran, trying to escape him over the training grounds and up inside the castle. 

Their laughter echoed through the halls and it was only after Arthur had long-since given up, as Merlin had suddenly disappeared, and he was back in his rooms, drinking some water and looking out the window that he realised that there was a grin on his face. 

A silly, happy grin that hadn’t left even though he was alone with his thoughts. But Arthur still felt the joy of Merlin’s return and the thrill of their stupid game and not even the quiet of his room could take that from him.

He smiled as he looked down on Camelot from his window, a kingdom he’d proudly serve one day and that he’d defend with his life. He looked down at his future, his fate and for once it didn’t fill him with dread, but with hope.

If the gods helped him, he could make it right, could make life better for every citizen of Camelot. 

“If you want to become king, you have to become more observant,” Merlin scolded him as he walked through the door, unannounced as always. 

“What?” Arthur asked back, not bothering to hide his confusion and Merlin grinned. 

“You walked right by me. Twice. Yet, you didn’t see me,” Merlin replied and Arthur furrowed his brow, truly unaware of where Merlin could have hid. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, you know. The fact that you’re apparently blind,” he chimed. 

Merlin then went ahead and prepared a bath for Arthur who actually appreciated the gesture. He usually wouldn’t take a bath in the middle of the day but he felt the effects of last night in his tired bones and aching joints. 

Merlin had added some scented oils to the bath water and while Arthur leaned back against the side of the tub, relaxing into the warmth, lavender ghosted through the air. He sighed contently into the quiet of his room. 

Merlin was sitting next to the fireplace, reading a book he must have found on Arthur’s desk and Arthur didn’t think anything of it before his eyebrows shot up. 

“You know how to read?” He asked curiously and Merlin looked up flabbergasted. “Yes? Do you think I enjoy the pictures?” Merlin asked, affronted, and Arthur raised his hands in defence. 

“No, no, but with you coming from a small village and all,” Arthur tried to explain and Merlin rolled his eyes. 

“My mother took great pride in teaching me how to read, thank you very much,” Merlin grumbled and got back to reading without sparing Arthur another glance. He had greatly underestimated his servant it seemed. 

Arthur kept on watching for a moment before he averted his eyes and looked down into the water. He realised how little he knew about Merlin at all. 

“What’s your mother’s name?” He therefore asked and Merlin looked at him with surprise. 

“Her name is Hunith,” he replied with such fondness in his voice that it nearly broke Arthur’s heart. He had never felt anything close to that towards Uther and he was once again hit with a pang of longing for the mother he never had. 

“She is still back in Ealdor but sent me here to learn from Gaius,” Merlin explained and closed the book, resting it in his lap. Arthur nodded slowly and looked around for his towel. Merlin must have caught on to it because he got up and handed it to Arthur. 

Arthur saw that Merlin pointedly avoided looking at him at this state of undress. Arthur chose to ignore it but made a mental note for future reference. 

He got dressed and then sat down next to the fireplace. Merlin simply joined him and looked at him curiously. 

“What happened to your mother?” He then asked carefully. Arthur raised his brows, surprised to be asked something quite that personal. But he wouldn’t even try to educate Merlin about respect and boundaries. 

And he was right, wasn’t he? He had asked Merlin about his mother. Why shouldn’t Merlin do the same? 

Because he is your servant? A commoner who you barely know and who is not your friend? 

He ignored the voice inside his head and took a deep breath. 

“She died. When I was born,” he answered with as much of a neutral voice as he could muster. Merlin looked at him with sympathy but it didn’t feel pitiful, which surprised Arthur.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said and smiled at Arthur encouragingly. “What was her name?”

“Ygraine,” Arthur said with a soft voice. He hadn’t said her name in what had to be years. He had long since stopped trying to talk about her with Uther and there weren’t many more options he had. 

“How is life in Ealdor?” Arthur then quickly changed the topic and Merlin instantly understood, showing tactfulness that Arthur hadn’t expected and went along with it. 

“Simple but nice? Rather uncomplicated actually but also harder,” Merlin began. “You’d be busy putting food on the table and getting your basic necessities. Ealdor is a tiny village just behind Essetir’s border,” Merlin recounted and Arthur listened, trying to imagine Merlin on a field or out hunting. 

“Is your mother taken care of?” Arthur wanted to know and Merlin’s face turned a bit bitter. 

“She always took care of herself. My dad left shortly after my birth,” Merlin said curtly. “Never knew him and she never needed him.” 

It was Arthur’s turn to smile sympathetically. “Sorry to hear that.”

“He must have been a right dick to leave my mum, so it’s alright. We were better off without him,” Merlin said decidedly. Arthur chose not to reply to that, instead looking down at the fire. 

“So, you came here to be Gaius’ apprentice?” Arthur asked and Merlin rolled his eyes at him. 

“Yes, and now I am somehow stuck working for both you and him,” Merlin groaned and Arthur laughed at him. 

“You know, that’s quite an honour,” Arthur tried to convince him and Merlin scoffed. 

“Right honour that is, washing your dirty socks and getting your grumpy arse out of bed,” he complained and Arthur laughed at him. 

“That truly is no way to speak to your prince,” Arthur scolded him and Merlin looked at him emotionlessly and then simply shrugged. 

“Well, I believe that respect has to be earned, Sire ,” Merlin deadpanned and got up. “Do you still need me?”

Arthur felt somewhat stunned and only shook his head. Merlin was out the door mere minutes after. 

Arthur wondered whether he had done something wrong, something to offend Merlin. He replayed their conversation in his head but he knew he was missing a crucial piece of information that only Merlin had. 

He sighed and stared into the fire, once again left alone with his thoughts. Did Merlin have someone to confide in? Did he talk to Gaius about what troubled him? Did he have friends in Camelot? He’d only been here for the shortest time but somehow Arthur doubted someone like Merlin would be left alone. 

Arthur got up and walked around his room, blowing out candles like Merlin usually did. He had really gotten used to Merlin already. 

Arthur smiled at the thought of tomorrow morning when Merlin would finally be the one to wake him again and he couldn’t help but look forward to it. There had been a Merlin-shaped hole in his life for the past few days and he was ready for it to be filled again. Whatever that entailed. 

~

“Let’s have you lazy daisy!” Merlin’s voice pierced through the room in a manner that was slightly too loud to be a gentle wake up call, but Arthur felt bright and ready instantly, sitting up without any protest and even smiling at Merlin who stopped dead in his tracks. 

“You are awake?” He asked dumbfoundedly and Arthur nodded proudly. 

“Yes, Merlin, I am indeed awake. Thanks to you,” Arthur pointed out and Merlin rolled his eyes at him. 

“It usually takes about three more rounds of this before you even stir, Arthur. Are you alright?” Merlin asked and Arthur nodded, thinking that, yes, he was alright. Maybe for the first time ever. 

“What’s today’s plan then?” Arthur asked and Merlin raised his brows at him. 

“Training, council, sleep?” He suggested and even the prospect of a council session couldn’t darken his mood. 

“Breakfast?” Arthur asked and Merlin motioned to his desk. 

“All set, Sire. Unless you want me to feed it to you in bed,” Merlin teased him and Arthur didn’t bother to reply. Instead he got up and smiled at the smell of bacon in his room. 

“Lovely, thank you,” he said and Merlin stared at him like he had a third leg. 

“Did you just thank me?” He said, mouth hanging open in a very disbelieving manner. 

“Don’t get too excited, Merlin.” Arthur said, but without any bite, and began downing his breakfast. Today, he decided, was going to be a good day. 

The morning went by splendidly, Merlin helped Arthur get dressed and actually stayed to watch while they trained. Arthur made sure to put on a show, trying to impress Merlin because frustratingly, irritatingly, Merlin usually didn’t seem to be impressed by anything he did or was. He couldn’t really tell whether he had succeeded but he was content with his work for the day. 

The council session was an entirely different matter. Most of the reports and complaints bored the hell out of him and he wondered just how Uther managed not to fall asleep. Merlin seemed to be in a similar state of mind as they traded exasperated glances whenever they could. 

But when a heavy knock interrupted the current session and a young girl was pushed into the room, tears on her face and an even more terrified looking woman following her, the mood shifted instantly. 

Merlin tensed up and Arthur straightened in his chair. He didn’t need to look twice to know what was about to unfold in a moment's time and it already knocked the air out of him. The girl could not be more than a mere twelve winters. 

“She was caught practising magic,” the guard stated with a blank expression and the woman, most likely her mother, cried out in fear. 

“Please, Sire! She is a child, she couldn’t mean harm!” She begged, dropping to her knees while the girl simply stared with wide eyes. Arthur noticed her glance quickly shifting from Arthur to his father and back to him and even though he tried, he really did, there was no hatred nor fear in his heart. 

He knew magic, had suffered from and fought against sorcery on many occasions but this was no fight, no threat to anyone. She was a child, innocent by default and he did not find it in himself to judge her. 

Uther however held no such regards.

“You saw her?” Uther asked the guard who nodded stoically and the mother sobbed. Uther’s face didn’t flinch. 

“She will be tested in court tomorrow. Get her to the dungeon,” he ended the case like it was just another fight about corn or stock. Arthur felt his jaw clench, forced to watch but doomed to inaction. 

He quickly looked over to where Merlin was standing only to find him staring straight ahead with such troubled eyes that it made Arthur wonder whether he knew the girl. But Merlin wouldn’t look in his direction and so all he could do was watch Merlin suffer through the short rest of the session. 

When Uther declared today’s meeting finished, Merlin was out of the room within the moment. When Arthur entered the hallway, he was nowhere to be seen. 

Arthur quickly wondered whether he should follow him but figured that Merlin hadn’t left in a rush without reason. He most likely needed some space and since Arthur felt the same he wouldn’t deny Merlin that. 

He still made a mental note to try to talk to Merlin about it. Because maybe, just maybe they could talk and somehow make it better. 

~

Arthur only realised that he truly was an idiotic fool when he slowly walked towards her cell. His feet had brought him here on their own accord, he had been lost in thought and hadn’t even realised the path he was taking until he stood in front of the guards.

He saw the girl cower in the far corner, hiding her face in her arms. She didn’t make a sound but he saw the way her shoulders shook. He looked at her for a moment, utterly at a loss for words. 

What did one say to a child about to be killed by your father? 

His answer was silence until he couldn’t bear it anymore and took off his jacket. He didn’t dare give her his expensive jacket but surely no one would recognize his shirt. He took it off and slipped back into his jacket before slowly getting down on his knees.

“Hey,” he called calmly and she jumped at the sound, staring at him with wide, bloodshot eyes. 

“Are you cold? Would you like my shirt?” Arthur asked carefully, offering it to her through the bars. 

“I want my mommy,” she replied in a shaky voice and hugged her knees close to her chest. 

Arthur felt his heart clench and twist in hurtful ways, beating strongly in his chest. 

“I can’t do that right now,” he admitted. “But she’d want you to be warm, right? I’ll leave my shirt here, just in case you need it.” 

He sighed and looked at her as suddenly, the impossible flashed through his mind. He looked at the girl, lost and small, a small light spot in the dark and he felt determination set in long before he made a conscious decision. 

“What’s your name?” He asked her and she looked up at him like she only now truly saw him. 

“I am Mirian,” she replied carefully. “And you are the prince,” she said decidedly and Arthur nodded sadly. 

“Do you have family outside of Camelot?” He heard himself ask in a whisper and he couldn’t quite believe that his mind was actually going down that path. He was going against everything he had grown up to know and fear, every principle he was taught to follow. 

“Mom has a brother in Essetir,” she whispered back and Arthur nodded slowly. 

“Don’t you worry, Mirian. We’ll get you to your mother,” Arthur promised to both her and himself before quickly leaving again. The guards didn’t pay him any mind and he hoped it would stay that way.   

On his way up to his rooms, as he rounded a corner he almost ran into Morgana who looked just about the way he felt. He hadn’t seen her cry in years but her eyes were filled with endless mourn and he knew that she knew. 

She looked at him intently and he wondered whether she believed that he was in on this, that he supported Uther and his decision. Whatever she saw in him made her hug him. 

“We have to help her,” she whispered against his shoulder while Arthur hugged her back clumsily, not used to this sudden affection. 

“She has family in Essetir,” Arthur answered without hesitation and Morgana pulled back in shock, staring at him in disbelief. Arthur would lie if he said he wasn’t hurt. It made sense of course, for her to think that he’d blindly follow Uther’s hatred. He understood where it came from so to some extent he maybe even did. 

But this was wrong in every way. Arthur couldn’t stand for it. 

“You talked to her?” Morgana whispered and Arthur nodded once, barely visible. 

“We have to get her to her mother so they can leave before sunrise,” Arthur said in a hushed tone. Morgana nodded, determination in her eyes. 

“Let me get her out, Arthur. I can do this,” she begged and Arthur squinted at her. 

“Oh, yes, Arthur. Absolutely,” she suddenly said in a happy, breathless voice and giggled. She grabbed his arms and started walking mere moments before guards rounded the corner. Guards that Arthur had not heard coming but he played along and quickly guided her to his rooms. 

When the door shut behind them, Arthur shook his head at her. 

“You know that this is against the law. If Uther finds out he could have us charged with treason,” Arthur reminded her but she brushed it off. 

“We’d betray Camelot if we didn’t keep this from happening, Arthur. Our loyalty should be to our people, not an old deranged king.” 

Arthur flinched at the words and Morgana rolled her eyes at him. 

“I’ll get her out but we need to get word to her mother, Arthur. She needs to meet us behind the wall,” Morgana finalised their plan and Arthur nodded. He knew someone who was perfect for that job. 

“I’ll let you know once we find her mother,” Arthur said and Morgana nodded. 

“Soon, if you may.” 

Arthur nodded and swallowed heavily. The idea of rebellion had turned into actual treachery. But he tried to live by Morgana’s words. His loyalty had to lie with his people and they deserved better. He needed to be better for them. 

Even if it meant risking everything. For Camelot, he’d do it. 

Morgana left his room then. It still stood and stared back at him like nothing happened while his brain and heart had turned upside down. God, he hoped Morgana had a plan. 

The door soon opened again and Merlin looked at him with confusion. 

“Everything alright with Lady Morgana?” Merlin asked and Arthur observed him carefully. He didn’t look as spooked as earlier but he didn’t seem fine either. 

“Are you alright?” Arthur ignored his question and Merlin quickly looked away. 

“We usually do not kill children in Ealdor,” Merlin replied quietly but with bitterness in his voice. Arthur nodded and took a step towards him. 

“That is why we need your help, Merlin,” Arthur said and he felt the way these words felt strange to his tongue. He didn’t really ask for help. Ever. 

Merlin seemed to realise this and looked him straight in his eyes, awaiting Arthur’s question. 

“Do you know the mother?” Arthur asked and Merlin nodded slowly. 

“I have never spoken to her but she is the wife of a farmer Gaius sometimes trades with. Why?” Merlin asked back suspiciously and Arthur took a step closer to Merlin, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

This is where it could all go wrong. If he had misinterpreted Merlin’s reaction, if he didn’t know him as well as he thought he did, everything might go to hell now. 

“Can you talk to her? Tell her that she needs to pack and meet her daughter behind the east gate tonight?” Arthur asked quietly and held Merlin’s gaze, trying to figure out what Merlin would say. 

“Meet her? But- how?” Merlin stammered and Arthur relaxed upon this initial reaction. 

“We’re going to get her out, Merlin. With your help if you want to,” Arthur promised and his heart did a somersault at the sight of Merlin’s face. He saw hope and faith light up his eyes and a careful smile spread across his lips. 

“You- You really want to help her? But what about Uther? What about your father?” Merlin asked, confused, and Arthur slowly shook his head. 

“He is wrong. The girl is innocent if her only crime is possessing magic. I couldn’t live with myself if I let him do this,” Arthur replied. He saw all kinds of emotions mirrored in Merlin’s eyes, still locked with his, and Arthur felt a sense of tingling tension in the air before Merlin looked away, taking a step back. 

“What do you need me to do?”

Arthur explained their whole rather simple plan to Merlin who nodded here and there. 

“I’ll go right now. The more distance they can cover before dawn the better,” Merlin decided and was already halfway through the door before Arthur managed to pull him back. 

“Are you certain you want to do this? I am not ordering you to, Merlin. If either of us are caught, we will be charged with treason,” Arthur told him urgently, silently hoping Merlin would come to his senses.

Arthur knew he needed to do this but suddenly pulling Merlin into this with him felt awfully wrong and frankly a bit scary. 

“Arthur, I will do it. I know what it means and I am ready.” Merlin smiled at him reassuringly and then disappeared out into the hallway. 

Arthur stood still for a few moments before gently closing the door. Now, all he could do was wait and hope that no one saw Merlin. 

~

A whole ton of anxiety and doubt came rushing down from his shoulders when Merlin entered his chambers a good hour later, smiling proudly at him. 

“She’ll wait at the gate, Arthur,” he announced and Arthur let out a sigh of relief. 

“Did she ask any questions?” Arthur wanted to know and Merlin nodded slowly. 

“She was scared we’d endanger her daughter. But I convinced her this was the only way,” Merlin replied and looked at Arthur. Arthur realised once again that Merlin wasn’t as small as he appeared. His gangliness often made him forget that he was indeed taller and it did things to Arthur he didn’t want to examine further. 

Instead, he marvelled at the fact that somehow his manservant, his terrible joke of fate had become his companion, his partner in crime and Arthur barely mustered the courage to even think about it but maybe, even a friend. 

“I’ll let Morgana know then,” Arthur replied and Merlin nodded eagerly. 

“I’ll try to figure out the best path to get her to the wall,” Merlin added and Arthur headed for the door. He took a deep breath, wiping the smile off his face that had somehow made his way there and left the room. 

The way through the castle made him feel skittish, flinching at steps and shadows. God, he was an awful conspiracist. But he still made it to Morgana’s room, knocking quietly at the door. 

“Yes?” He heard her voice and entered. 

“We have-” He started but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Guinevere combing Morgana’s hair. They looked comfortable, cosy even, sitting on a plush sofa, a tea set in front of them. 

“You have?” Morgana asked him to continue. He tried not to let his panic show in his eyes and that was when she laughed at him. 

“Oh dear brother, Gwen knows. You can speak freely,” she reassured him and even though Arthur didn’t feel reassured in the slightest, he accepted his fate. He was apparently meant to flee the kingdom next, right after Marian. 

“Her mother knows and is going to meet us at the gate,” he explained and Morgana’s face lit up. 

“That’s wonderful news! I’ll sneak down to the dungeons just after nightfall. Don’t you worry about that part but meet us at the blacksmith’s, will you?” She asked and Arthur nodded slowly. 

“We’ll try to gather enough to help them make their way to Essetir,” Arthur thought aloud and Morgana nodded. 

“This is going to work out just fine, Arthur,” Morgana said and Gwen nodded slightly. Arthur watched the two of them, wondering what he wasn’t seeing before deciding that he needed to talk to Merlin. 

“Good luck, Morgana,” he said, and he meant it. Morgana smiled at him and Arthur went back to his room while his mind stayed behind, wondering what he had missed. 

“We need to get them food and clothes, blankets even. Can we get them a horse?” Merlin started rambling as soon as Arthur had opened the door. 

“God, Merlin. Slow down,” Arthur laughed and Merlin rolled his eyes at him, reading off of a list he had written. 

“I mean it, Arthur. They’ll need a map and water in case they don’t find a river,” Merlin continued and Arthur smiled softly, watching him think through all the possibilities. 

“How about you try to get your hands on food from the kitchen and I’ll see what I can do about clothes and a map?” Arthur asked and Merlin looked up at him, disbelieving for a moment before he nodded eagerly. 

“Yes, that sounds great! I’ll stash it in the armoury for now and get it to Gwen’s as soon as I can,” Merlin said more to himself than to Arthur. He rolled up his piece of parchment and stuffed it into his pocket before shooting Arthur one final glance. 

Whatever he had found in Arthur’s eyes had made him straighten his spine and leave the room at once. Arthur watched him disappear down the hallway and wondered to himself what had possessed him to plot against the king. With his manservant and his sister of all people.

~

“Heavens above, why is this so damn heavy?” Merlin said through gritted teeth as they ducked behind barrels and avoided lights as best as they could. Arthur had a hood pulled deep over his face, wearing only trousers and a shirt. He had left every bit of armour in the castle and he felt strangely vulnerable. 

Merlin beside him didn’t help either, grumbling about the weight and stuff poking him in the back. If he didn’t know better, he’d think Merlin was the prince in hiding. 

“Shh,” Arthur shushed him and Merlin only rolled his eyes at him, staring into the empty street, waiting for Morgana and Marian. He didn’t know how Morgana had planned on freeing her, nor did he know when they’d arrive here, but he had faith. 

Morgana would then return to the castle while Merlin and Arthur escorted the girl to the wall. Arthur didn’t quite know yet how they would take care of the guards but they would. 

“Someone’s coming,” Merlin whispered and Arthur stopped breathing, listening into the night. Light and distant he heard footsteps and he reached for his sword, hidden underneath his long cloak. 

“Whatever you do, don’t scream,” Arthur whispered back and Merlin scoffed at him. Arthur grinned and focused on the dark alleyway. Two cloaked figures made their way down the street in hurried steps and it didn’t take more than one of Morgana’s long, dark locks to reveal her identity. 

“It’s them,” Merlin said what Arthur had been thinking and they left their hiding space. Morgana smiled underneath her hood and came to a halt. She exchanged a few quick words with the young girl before she hugged Morgana and then quickly walked towards Merlin and Arthur. 

Arthur looked at his sister in awe for a moment but she had already disappeared back into darkness. 

“Let’s go,” Merlin urged them forward. With the girl between them they made their way through the lower town. A few turns away from the gate, Merlin stopped and motioned for Arthur to do the same. 

“Let me go first. I’ll tell them I need to fetch something for Gaius,” Merlin said in hushed tones and Arthur frowned at him. 

“Trust me,” Merlin said, locking eyes with Arthur who could do nothing but nod at the demand. He would. He would trust him because he knew with his entire being that he could. 

Merlin stepped forward, straightened his spine and walked to the guards. They exchanged a few words before they nodded, stepping away and allowing Merlin to leave. Arthur frowned and wondered why exactly he even had guards posted at the gate. 

A few moments later, he felt like groaning in frustration and laughing with joy at the same time. The guards stepped away and disappeared into a tunnel. Arthur didn’t need to be asked twice and hurried through the gate, the girl holding on to him like he was her lifeline. In some way , he thought, I am . 

It would only appear to him much later that this should not have been quite this easy. For now, he leaned back and watched mother and daughter reunite, hugging each other tightly. Merlin stood right beside him, arms crossed in front of his chest but there was no fooling anyone. 

A grin was literally splitting his face and Arthur looked about the same. 

“We did it,” Merlin said quietly and Arthur chuckled. 

“I have no idea how Morgana did it,” Arthur remarked and Merlin shrugged. 

“I don’t care. She is safe, we did what is right,” Merlin said sternly and Arthur looked at him from the side. A hard line had set around his lips and he wondered whether Merlin knew more than he let on. 

He decided to let it slide as the women thanked them with teary eyes and grabbed whatever they could carry. Merlin sent them off with a clasp to the shoulder and they walked off into the darkness of the night. 

“Let’s get back inside,” Arthur whispered and Merlin nodded. The guards seemed confused upon their arrival, exchanging looks that Arthur couldn’t decipher but they let them pass and Arthur had never felt happier to walk these streets. 

Tonight, he decided, he'd have a good night’s sleep. 

~

The next morning, hell broke loose. Arthur was woken up by the alarm bells ringing but for the first time it didn’t fill him with dread. He knew what had happened and it had worked. The girl and her mother were safe and he allowed himself a moment of grinning happily into his pillow before getting up and dressing quickly. He didn’t want to raise suspicion after all. 

That was how he found himself in an emergency council session. Morgana’s eyes were glinting with mischief and he knew Merlin’s wouldn’t be much different. He only hoped that he was better at keeping secrets and playing it cool than the two of them. 

Gwen was standing close to Merlin, trying to blend in but the four of them kept on exchanging glances and Arthur wondered whether anyone who paid attention would notice. They had to look like children who had succeeded at stealing the cake, barely hiding their satisfaction. 

Whatever Uther had to say about it, they had saved an innocent life. Still, Arthur couldn’t help but hear the nagging voice inside his head, asking whether it really had been that easy. 

Uther demanded that Arthur go on a hunt for the girl and he nodded, accepting the task like he would any other. Should he be feeling bad? Guilty for betraying his father? Had he already been corrupted by forces too dark and great for him to understand?

He looked into the faces of their little group, watched Morgana look at Gwen with fondness. He saw the way Gwen carefully straightened Merlin’s jacket and Merlin, stupidly loyal Merlin who was looking right at him. 

He shook his head at himself. No, none of these people carried an ounce of malice within their hearts. They were his family and he allowed himself to feel the rush of warmth in his chest before he excused himself, motioning for Leon to follow him. 

They were riding out. 

~

Practised hands and minds had formed a plan and packed up within a matter of hours and Arthur found himself leading their group into the forests of Camelot, riding directly in the opposite direction of the fugitives. 

Merlin was following right behind him, snickering with Gwaine, and Arthur allowed his mind to roam, wander through the past few days, through the many stops and turns his life had taken and he looked back at Merlin once more. 

Merlin had without a doubt turned his life upside down. With him came daily bickering and sometimes even meaningful conversation, loyalty and friendship that came from his heart and wasn’t forced by a sense of duty. 

Merlin smiled at him when he caught his glance and Arthur wouldn’t ever admit it but he loved the carefully crafted bond between them. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Leon riding up to him. 

“Do you expect to find her, Sire?” He asked carefully and Arthur looked at him with amusement. 

“Have you ever found the needle in the haystack, Sir Leon?” He asked back and Leon smiled a small smile that probably wasn’t meant for Arthur to see. 

“I just wanted to make sure we shared that assessment,” Leon replied and Arthur nodded. 

“The girl could be anywhere, for all we know she could be hiding in the castle. But the king sent us out to look for her and that is what we’ll do,” Arthur said matter-of-factly and Leon nodded satisfiedly. 

“I know I am repeating myself, Sire. But you are becoming a fine knight,” Leon commented and Arthur tilted his head in acknowledgement. He couldn’t care less for most people’s opinions but he valued Leon and he was grateful for his faith in him. 

“I am trying my best, Sir Leon,” he replied and silence settled between them. He heard the knights and Merlin bantering behind them, filling the quiet forest with laughter and the sound of their horses. 

It was almost too good to be true. 

Suddenly, a piercing screech ripped through the air and Arthur couldn’t stop himself from covering his ears. It felt like his skull was being split apart, burning him from the inside. 

He looked around frantically, trying to find the sound’s origin while it seemed to be coming from all directions and then none at all. As these things usually go, he only realised that the threat was right behind him when it was breathing down his neck. 

In this case however it took a moment longer for Arthur to look up into the sky. Except, what he found wasn’t grey autumn skies but scales the size of his palm, glimmering in green and orange shades. 

Golden eyes stared right into his before the creature let out a deafening roar and their little party was scattered all over the place, horses fleeing and wings flapping through the air causing panic and chaos among his knights. 

Swords were drawn and shields held up to protect against the deathly threat. Arthur had managed to stay on his horse and he held his sword high up in the air, trying to get a swing at the beast without much success while also attempting to keep an eye out for Merlin. 

Merlin who was suddenly no longer right behind him. For a horrible moment, Arthur believed the creature had taken him before he saw him, not too far away, lying on the ground, shuffling over towards an unmoving knight. 

Arthur could have screamed in frustration, silently begging for Merlin to just run and put as much distance between himself and this mess as he could. But Arthur was violently pulled out of his thoughts when sharp claws came charging right at him. 

He took a deep breath, making peace with the knowledge that it would be his last one. He glanced over to Merlin one last time, looked into his concentrated eyes that were focused on the beast that was charging at him before Arthur had to refocus his glance and he spurred his horse on, sword high up in the air. 

If he were to die, he would die fighting like a prince was meant to, like his father would want him to, like Camelot deserved. 

He felt the air shift around him as he got closer while time seemed to slow. He took in the way the scales shifted over the creature’s body, the glowing eyes and deadly claws and then he let out a roar himself before he slammed into the body, feeling like he had just hit a wall. 

The world faded in and out around him, screeching sounds and panicked hushes mixed into a terrifying nightmare and he could feel his heart racing, his chest heaving and his bones aching before he suddenly fell into a deep slumber. 

When he regained consciousness, the world around him had shifted. They must have made camp, Arthur could smell the fire and hear the busy chatter. He also felt a presence, strong and comforting somewhere by his left side. 

He tried to move to see who it was but only a small groan escaped his lips. 

“Hello, Arthur,” he heard a voice that made him sigh with relief. Merlin had survived. 

“Don’t try to move just yet, alright? Take it slow. I’ve patched you up as well as I could. You’ll be fine in no time, you’ll see,” he could hear Merlin smile and he really would have said thank you but he couldn’t. The irony of it stung a little. 

“You killed it, you know?” Merlin continued and Arthur furrowed his brow. In his version of the story, he was surprised he wasn’t killed. Had he really managed to kill the beast with nothing but his determination?

Arthur felt like there was something he wasn’t getting, something he didn’t understand but his brain quickly turned foggy and he drifted back into a light sleep. It took a few more hours, and it was well into the night before he fully regained consciousness. 

The camp was quiet around him and he wondered whether he was the only one awake. Then he saw Merlin, sitting on the opposite side of the fire and staring into the flames. Arthur allowed himself a moment to simply look at him. 

He had scratches and bruises on his face and hands. Arthur wondered just how close he had gotten to that beast. Merlin looked troubled, sad even, and Arthur tried to figure out what might be on his mind. 

He couldn’t though, fighting hard to keep his thoughts straight. Merlin, he realised, looked different out here. Away from the castle and its loving comforts he looked older, scarred by life and something bigger Arthur couldn’t grasp. 

The light danced over Merlin’s skin and it made his sharp features soften. Arthur wasn’t sure why he noticed that but once he had he couldn’t look away. Then, Merlin’s eyes shot up and met his. 

A small smile crept onto his face and Arthur couldn’t help but smile back. 

“How are you?” Merlin asked in a low voice. Arthur took a deep breath, examined his bones and limbs but strangely enough he felt fine. 

He shook his head in confusion. 

“I’m alright?” He realised and Merlin nodded proudly. 

“Gaius will be proud of me for that one,” he said and Arthur rolled his eyes at him. 

“Merlin, I have slain a beast with my sword alone,” he reminded him even though it still didn’t feel real to him. 

“Don’t you think the pride should be with the dragonslayer ?” He joked but he didn’t miss how Merlin’s eyes turned dark for a moment. Arthur might have thought it had been a trick of the light hadn’t he felt the tension in the air build suddenly. 

Quiet settled between them and Arthur desperately looked for something else to say but nothing would come to his mind. He watched Merlin instead, took in the way he seemed to be entirely lost in his thoughts and Arthur would give a lot to know what was going on in his head. 

He felt strangely awake, probably due to the involuntary sleep, and he desperately wanted to talk to Merlin but he didn’t want to interrupt whatever fight Merlin was having in his brain. Arthur sighed softly and Merlin’s eyes shot up to look right at him. 

Arthur instantly felt lost, enthralled by the sudden attention. Merlin didn’t say a word, just kept his eyes on him, looking for something Arthur hoped he was able to give. 

“You are such an infuriating idiot,” Merlin said without any heat in his voice and Arthur frowned. 

“Is there something in particular that led you to this conclusion?” He asked, ignoring the insult, and Merlin rolled his eyes at him. 

“Just you, Arthur. It’s always you,” he said with resignation and got up.

“It’s Leon’s turn,” he announced and went to wake the knight while Arthur tried to find a comfortable position. He stared up into the night sky through the leaves above looking for answers while he didn’t even know the question. 

~

The hunt for the girl was soon terminated after the magical incident and Uther seemed to forget about her entirely. Arthur didn’t though. She appeared in his dreams and he kept on wondering what would have happened. He knew there was no fooling himself but he sometimes wished he could make himself believe in the justness of his father. 

Instead, he betrayed the king to save her. He betrayed his father but he did what was right for Camelot and the realisation broke his heart. He had looked up to his father all his life, aspired to be like him once he took over the throne. 

Now, he feared that more than anything. And when Morgana accused him of being like Uther, it stung in a way it never should. 

On bad days, Arthur felt like he was corrupted, a traitor and a disgrace to his father’s legacy. 

On good days, though, he knew deep in his heart that he would be the better king. He would make mistakes and he would mess up but his reign would not thrive off fear and his heart would not be corrupted with hate. 

He would not be perfect but he would try to be good and that had to count for something. 

“Done overthinking?” His sister snapped him out of his thoughts and Arthur scowled at her. 

“Done getting on my nerves?” He replied uninspired and she offered a weak smile. 

“How are you?” She asked and Arthur furrowed his brow. 

“Why?” He asked suspiciously and she laughed. 

“Because I care. Now answer,” she said with a soft smile and Arthur shook his head. 

“Well, I betrayed my father and saved a life. It’s quite ambivalent really,” he concluded and Morgana shook her head. But before she could continue the conversation Merlin barged into the room, unannounced as always. 

“Arthur, I swear if you don’t- Oh, hello Morgana,” he smiled at her and then looked back at Arthur with a stern expression, hands on his hips. 

“If you don’t stop making me come up here for the dumbest reasons, I’ll literally start ignoring you,” Merlin snapped at him. Arthur furrowed his brow and while he couldn’t exactly deny that it had happened, he didn’t plan on admitting it. 

“Judging my reasoning isn’t really your specialty, is it?” He retorted and watched Merlin start fuming with anger. 

“You are impossible!” Merlin complained and Morgana chuckled next to them.

“What is it then, Sire, that I can help you with?” Merlin asked with perfect innocence and Arthur knew he should have thought about it earlier. He had really just wanted to see Merlin but that wouldn’t do. 

Even though he was rather certain that Merlin had caught him once again, he wouldn’t go down without a fight. 

“Well, I’d like a bath, Mer lin,” he said and Merlin raised his eyebrows incredulously. 

“Lady Morgana is still here,” Merlin replied and Arthur shrugged, looking at her. 

“We’ll finish while you’re getting the bath ready,” Arthur decided and Merlin left the room with a roll of his eyes. Morgana burst into laughter the second the door had snapped shut. 

“You poor, poor man,” she started. “Why didn’t you just tell him that you wanted to see him?” She asked and tilted her head to the side. 

Arthur shook his head. 

“Because that’s not true. Anyways, where were we?”

“No, no, no, dear brother. Admit it, you like having him around,” she teased him and he scoffed. 

“That, once again, is not true,” he repeated and Morgana smiled knowingly. 

“You poor, poor fool,” she said and got up from the sofa, offering a mocking curtsy. 

“Wonderful talking to you as always,” she chimed and left the room. Arthur stared at the door long after it had closed, wondering what that had all been about. He decided that his sister was talking nonsense and was about to get down to the training ground when he saw Merlin walking up the hallway with two buckets in his hands. 

Arthur stopped dead in his tracks as Merlin got closer, squinting at him. 

“Where are you going?” Merlin asked slowly and Arthur offered an innocent smile. 

“Practise?” He replied and Merlin groaned at him, almost dropping the buckets to the floor. 

“I swear, Arthur,” he muttered under his breath and shook his head. “Just admit that you wanted to see me,” he continued and turned around, leaving Arthur at loss for words. How they all got to that conclusion was bewildering to him. 

He made his way down to the training grounds, watched the older knights train for a few moments. They radiated experienced ease and Arthur watched eagerly, looking for ways to improve his own skills. 

Uther was watching them as well and Arthur soon started watching him instead. His father had never been friendly with him but as time went on, he felt like he didn’t know the man at all. Uther was his harshest critic and barely spared him a kind word. Arthur wondered whether that was the case for all fathers. He somehow doubted it. 

“You’re not even training!” Merlin complained, suddenly appearing next to him and Arthur chuckled. 

“I learn, Merlin. By watching others. It helps, you know,” he teased him and Merlin rolled his eyes at him but started watching the knights as well. 

“I’ll have to help Gaius later,” Merlin said suddenly. “There is an illness spreading in the lower town and he is afraid it will spread to the castle as well,” he continued and Arthur furrowed his brow. 

“Why don’t I know about this?” He asked and Merlin shrugged. 

“First cases arose two days ago but it spreads like wildfire. They’ll tell you in council but I need to get there sooner,” Merlin said and Arthur knew there was no arguing because Merlin was right. 

If Gaius needed him, Arthur wouldn’t ever hold him back. 

“God forbid I’ll have to find myself a proper servant for the afternoon,” Arthur joked and Merlin slightly pushed him. 

“I know you’ll miss me,” Merlin grinned and disappeared down the street. Arthur looked after him, shaking his head in amused disbelief before joining the men on the training grounds. 

~

Merlin had been right. The council was informed about the disease spreading and Merlin had in fact been needed. It seemed like almost half the lower town was already infected and the numbers were rising quickly. No one dared to say it out loud but they all shared the dreadful feeling that magic might be involved. 

Arthur felt worry gnawing at him, worry for his people and his kingdom. If they really were magically attacked once again, Arthur didn’t know how they would defend themselves. How did you fight what you couldn’t see or touch? 

Arthur felt useless as he walked back to his room and the day passed while the feeling didn’t. He busied himself with planning accommodations for the sick who couldn’t stay home, including the citadel as a possibility should the worst happen but he soon couldn’t stand the quiet solitude of his room anymore. 

He grabbed his jacket and was out the door and on his way to the lower town. 

When he arrived, he pressed his lips together and needed a moment to process what he saw, before he went in to help. Elderlies were barely standing up while children clung to their mothers who didn’t look strong enough to hold themselves up. 

Arthur supported a lady walking to the improvised medical tent. The smell of strong herbs stung in Arthur’s nostrils when he entered. It was filled to the brim and he only managed to find her a stool. 

He spotted Gaius tending to a little girl and when Merlin entered the tent, his eyes found Arthur’s instantly. A look of surprise passed over Merlin’s face before he smiled tiredly and went ahead, carrying bundles of herbs and tinctures. 

Arthur found the lady some tea before making his way over to Merlin, nodding at Gwen who was also among those helping. 

“What can I do?” Arthur asked, watching as Merlin mixed the herbs over a small fire. The tent was filled with coughs and wheezing breaths. While some shivered and shook others were laying on the thin mats with exposed torsos, sweat glistening on red skin. 

“Honestly? We need more space, more fire wood and more mats, herbs,” Merlin muttered, brows pinched together in a concentrated frown. Arthur allowed his eyes to linger on Merlin’s face for a moment before he nodded.

“I’ll get the knights organised and on it,” he replied and left the tent. Once he was outside, he took a deep breath, cleansing his lungs of whatever curse lay upon the tent and then he broke into a jog back to the castle.

He had something to do, a way to help, and he would make the most of it. 

~

He hadn’t seen Merlin all evening. He hadn’t been at the tent or their efforts to build a second bigger one further outside. He hadn’t been helping Gaius make potions or Gwen tending to the sick. Even though Arthur’s eyes kept on looking for him, he didn’t spot Merlin again.

He also didn’t meet him back in his room and when Arthur finally laid in bed, staring up into the darkness he wondered whether Merlin was still out there. Thinking twice, he probably was. Arthur smiled at the thought. These weren’t even Merlin’s people. Merlin hadn’t grown up in Camelot and yet he tended to them like they were family. 

But Arthur also worried. Merlin had looked tired already when he had seen him the last time and with all the exposure he had to the sick, it wouldn’t be far-fetched for him to fall ill as well. And Arthur couldn’t have that. Not when they had no cure and even less idea of what this disease was. 

All he knew , Arthur thought bitterly, was that it spread and it did so quickly. 

~

When it was George who woke him the next morning, Arthur knew that the situation hadn’t resolved itself overnight and it smothered that little hope inside of him. Instead he got dressed on his own, dreading what he’d find in the city. 

The image surpassed his worst suspicions. Gwen looked sickly as she tended to two small children and Gaius appeared more frail than usual. Still, Merlin was nowhere to be seen, so he asked Gaius what he could do. 

He ran errands, trying to help everyone he saw all the while looking out for Merlin. He was nowhere to be seen. By midday, his legs had grown numb and his shoulders ached from carrying water and supporting patients. 

He quickly wondered how Merlin even did this, frail and gangly as he was but he reminded himself that Merlin’s appearance had fooled him before. Still, he was worried. He knew Gaius would have told him if something had happened to him but it wasn’t like Merlin to disappear when he was needed. 

And needed he was. 

Leon, Gwaine and the rest of the knights had blended in just as easily as Arthur, accepting tasks and errands from anyone who would give them but Arthur didn’t feel like marvelling at the fact that Camelot held together. 

He was just waiting for this to go south entirely and he wasn’t sure what he’d do then. 

By the second night, even some of the knights had fallen ill and Arthur, though denying it to himself, felt incredibly chilly and weak when he arrived in his room. He sat down close to the fire and shivered. 

He had not seen Merlin all day and he started to feel like something was missing from his life. Suddenly, he seemed to be alone a lot more and it bothered him. Especially now, as he stared into the fire, desperately trying to feel the warmth on his skin. 

The night was a restless one, filled with bursts of heat and fits of coughs before he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. But fear kept on looming over the hours. 

~

“Time to rise,” Merlin chimed and Arthur took a moment to process. 

“Shouldn’t you be out there?” Arthur asked groggily but Merlin, looking incredibly pale and drained, only smiled at him. 

“They don’t need me anymore.” 

Arthur quickly sat up, staring at Merlin fearfully, assuming the worst and Merlin laughed at him. 

“They’re fine, you idiot!” He said and slowly, weakly sat down on the sofa. Arthur watched him with worry. 

“Are you though?” He asked and before he could answer, Merlin nodded off. 

Arthur chuckled at the image, Merlin curling in on himself on the small sofa and he carefully put a blanket on him. Only then did the good news finally sink in and he realised that he was feeling healthy as well. 

Camelot was well again. 

Arthur looked at Merlin and squinted at him. 

Where have you been? 

~

Arthur spent the morning in his room reading reports about the past days. It still didn’t make sense to Arthur, none of it did. It seemed like there was no way to pinpoint the root of the disease, the starting point was as unclear as the reason why it had suddenly ended. Within hours even the sickest had returned to full health and Arthur would love to believe that it had been just another flu. 

But he was no fool, and as his manservant slightly stirred in his sleep, he couldn’t help but wonder what Merlin had to do with all of this. Merlin, who was looking paler than ever, the shadows around his eyes just as dark as his unruly hair framing his face. 

Arthur sighed inaudibly and continued reading but he was none the wiser. He wanted to ask Merlin, wanted to confront him but he figured it wasn’t wise to poke the bear. And even though Arthur had a particularly hard time imagining Merlin as anything but a little cub, he knew that Merlin never ceased to amaze him. 

Merlin , he thought, had always been more than he seemed. 

Arthur then got up, deciding that it was time to talk to someone who might have answers. A few moments later he was met with a critical eyebrow, eyeing him suspiciously. 

“Are you not feeling well, Sire?” Gaius asked him and Arthur shook his head. 

“I am quite alright, Gaius. Thank you. But I have some questions about the past few days.”

Gaius nodded slowly and hummed in agreement as he filled potions into small glass vials. 

“I have to get these delivered. I hope you don’t mind walking with me while asking your questions? Even though I fear I may not have the answers you desire,” Gaius told him and looked at him expectantly. 

Arthur nodded and opened the door for Gaius who nodded at him. 

“Very well,” Gaius said as they made it to the courtyard. “What do you want to know?” 

Arthur cleared his throat and looked up into the sky, watching as clouds passed by. 

“Do you know where it came from?” Arthur asked and Gaius shook his head slowly. 

“No, we don’t. First cases seem to have appeared at the same time all over the lower town,” Gaius replied and sighed. “We tried to find a cause but we have not yet been successful.”

“How did it stop then? It disappeared just as quickly as it came, Gaius. It doesn’t feel right,” Arthur asked tentatively and Gaius once again nodded. 

“I fear I am just as clueless as you, Sire,” Gaius replied, and while Arthur wanted to believe him, he really did, he couldn’t. Gaius had to know something and whatever it was, it wasn’t meant for his ears. 

“Could it have been magic?” Arthur put it as bluntly as he could, watching Gaius’ face closely. 

Gaius didn’t even flinch and something about that made Arthur’s heart stop. Most people would show some kind of reaction to the mention of magic, it was banned after all and rather taboo. But Gaius' face stayed stoically emotionless as he answered. 

“It could have. It would seem like it but why lift the curse? If it had been magic, why did it end?” Gaius asked him and Arthur bit his lip, trying to come up with an answer but he couldn’t. 

Because that was where his theory failed, wasn’t it? If it had indeed been magic, why would anyone stop the curse just in time to prevent it from causing serious damage?

Arthur sighed and as Gaius turned to walk further down into the town, Arthur bid him his slightly resigned goodbye and made his way back. 

When he returned to his chambers, he was greeted by Merlin blinking at him tiredly. 

“Arthur?” He asked confusedly and Arthur raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Yes, Mer lin?” He replied and watched as Merlin took in his surroundings. 

“Wait, why am I in your room?” Merlin asked in a slight panic and Arthur laughed at him. 

“Because you fell asleep in my room,” Arthur replied and Merlin’s eyes grew big. 

“I- But why didn’t you wake me up?” Merlin asked and sat up properly, trying to regain control over his unruly hair. 

Arthur felt slightly taken aback as he wondered the same. Well, why hadn’t he?

“You looked more dead than alive, Merlin. I figure you needed it,” Arthur explained and Merlin looked at him with something indiscernible in his eyes, then he smiled. 

“Maybe I did,” he agreed softly and got up, joints cracking and Merlin let out a relieved sigh. 

“Now, you survived a day without me?” Merlin grinned and brushed some dust from Arthur’s shirt. 

“I am rather capable of taking care of myself,” Arthur protested and Merlin grinned. 

“Why yes, of course,” Merlin agreed with a smirk and stretched, arms above his head. Arthur watched as Merlin’s shirt revealed a strip of skin before Merlin turned away from him and looked at the room. 

“George did his horrible rearranging again,” Merlin complained and started moving books and clothes while Arthur watched him, shaking his head. 

“Now, why were you so tired? Did you stay in town the entire night?” Arthur asked carefully, watching as Merlin struggled to push a chest closer to the bed. 

“Yeah, I was helping Gaius,” Merlin replied with strain in his voice. Arthur rolled his eyes at him but then went ahead and helped him. The chest moved smoothly to where Merlin wanted it. 

“Thanks,” Merlin said brightly and Arthur squinted at him. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you in the lower town,” Arthur remarked but turned away, heading to his desk. He really didn’t want to confront Merlin, mostly because he didn’t want to know the truth in the first place, but still the nagging feeling of missing something wouldn’t leave his mind. 

It kept on nudging him while he read through reports and all through his dinner. While Merlin went on and on about his past few days, Arthur kept on getting lost in his thoughts while he watched Merlin’s lips move. 

Merlin was a horrible liar, he knew that. But still he wondered whether these lips had lied to him before. 

Would he know if they had?

For all he knew, Merlin's loyalty had been unmatched, his kindness unparalleled. 

Merlin had, as he slowly realised, become the greatest constant in his life and without him even noticing it, Merlin had become his best friend. 

As a prince, he had always seen his future doomed to loneliness. He had never believed that a strategic marriage would be able to lift that burden so he had reconciled with his fate.

Never had he sought out friendship among the knights because he knew it couldn't be. 

Now, he had grown up with the best friend he could imagine right by his side. Merlin, who cared for his kingdom and people as much as Arthur did, and was ready to sacrifice everything for the love of Camelot.

It would still take some time until Arthur saw that Merlin's love wasn't a patriotic one, that Merlin loved Camelot but he'd sacrifice it all for her prince.

“Arthur?” He heard Merlin say but he reacted too late. Merlin was already frowning at him, waving his hand in front of Arthur’s face. 

Arthur stared at his face for a moment longer before nodding quickly and shooting Merlin a questioning glance. 

“No, you won’t look at me like that, when you are the one to just stare off into space,” Merlin complained and crossed his arms over his chest. Arthur had to chuckle at the image and Merlin’s face turned even darker. 

“You are insufferable,” he said blatantly and snatched a sausage from Arthur’s plate. All Arthur could do was laugh until his cheeks were wet with tears. Merlin’s look of confusion and annoyance didn’t help at all and when he finally stopped, Merlin rolled his eyes at him with a dramatic sigh. 

“Why do I even put up with you?” He mumbled and Arthur winked at Merlin before he could stop himself. Somehow, Merlin had managed to put him in a carefree, happy mood that made him wish for more. 

Arthur grinned happily and Merlin finally returned the smile before he got up and walked over to the fireplace where he squatted down, rekindling the fire. 

“I wonder how Mirian and her mother are doing,” Arthur mentioned and Merlin looked at him over his shoulder while the flames rose. 

“They’ll be alright,” Merlin assured him and shook his head in wonder. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I still can’t believe you did this,” Merlin told him and turned around, eyeing him curiously. “What made you do it?”

Arthur furrowed his brow and thought back to that fateful day. 

“She was a child. I couldn’t believe that a child her age could have done something to justify death and I didn’t see another way,” Arthur replied thoughtfully. 

Merlin looked at him and Arthur saw a hopeful light in Merlin’s eyes fade out. He looked at him with confusion, uncertain what he had done wrong but Merlin wouldn’t look him in the eyes again. Instead, he stared into the fire and Arthur felt helpless, sitting at his desk, not knowing what to say or do. 

He stayed quiet and when Merlin left, suddenly and with nothing more but a mumbled “good night”, Arthur contemplated following him. In the end, he once again didn’t do anything but go to bed and brood over Merlin’s behaviour. 

~

Life in Camelot went on, unfazed by its king and his manservant. Arthur watched as Merlin went on about his duties, joking and talking like always, but Arthur was attentive, watching him when Merlin didn’t feel seen. 

Merlin’s eyes betrayed him. He saw when he was lost in his thoughts, when the quiet surrounded him like armour that Arthur didn’t dare break. Merlin looked older then, like a soldier scarred by war and life and it made Arthur feel things he didn’t understand. 

For one, he deeply worried about the man that had become the one closest to him. Merlin made Arthur want to protect him from the demons that haunted him and it hurt him that Merlin didn’t trust him enough to confide in him. 

But what confused him even more was the urge to hug Merlin when his eyes turned dark and distant again. He wanted to hold him, beg him to tell him everything and leave the hurt behind.

Feeling close to another person had never been a luxury he allowed himself. But Merlin was always the exception to the rules, the one to turn the world around and his life upside-down. While he despised it the first time, he found comfort in it now. 

On one particular day, Arthur had barely seen Merlin the entire morning that he had spent in council sessions and discussions with his father, and Arthur couldn’t stand it anymore. Merlin had been his usual self as he entered the room, complaining and telling Arthur everything about his day until he went quiet while folding tunics. 

“Is everything alright, Merlin?” Arthur asked, getting up from his desk. Merlin looked up at him like a scared deer before nodding slowly.

“Yes, my Lord,” he replied with a strange, distant voice and Arthur furrowed his brow. 

“You know you can tell me if something is bothering you?” Arthur carefully pressed further but Merlin’s bright blue eyes turned into cloudy skies, watching Arthur with the kind of disdain that Arthur hadn’t seen in a long time. 

“That’s the thing, though,” Merlin said bitterly. “I can’t.” 

Arthur felt a pain in his chest that he hadn’t ever felt before. His heart seemed to be clenching as Merlin looked at him with endless sadness before slowly shaking his head. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled before leaving the room, the tunics forgotten. Arthur didn’t know what to think or do but the tunics seemed to be laughing at him, mocking him, the walls coming closer in his chambers and he was out the door before he knew what he was doing.

He walked through the castle halls in a daze, feeling like he wasn’t himself. The sun was slowly starting to set as he stepped out into the gardens and took a deep breath. 

Then, he heard rustling and a mumbling voice and he walked further into the garden before he saw Merlin from the side. He was sitting on the ground, looking at his hands where a small blue butterfly was idly flapping its wings. 

Arthur smiled at the image, peace and calm radiating from it as he watched Merlin’s features relax. The butterfly took off, flying around Merlin, leaving a blue shimmering trace and Arthur squinted, properly looking at Merlin’s face. 

He drew a sharp breath as he saw the light shining in Merlin’s eyes. It illuminated his face in the shadows of the high walls surrounding the garden and there was no mistaking it. It was no strange reflection of sunlight nor did Arthur hallucinate. 

Arthur stood stunned for a few more moments, watching as the butterfly landed on Merlin’s palm once more and when he looked up at his servant’s face once more, he almost missed a single tear running down his cheek before it disappeared down Merlin’s collar. 

Slowly, careful not to be noticed, Arthur retreated back down the path he came and only dared to breathe once he was back inside the castle walls. The image was burnt into his mind and the feelings it provoked made Arthur’s head spin. 

The tragic, tragic image would haunt him for nights to come. As Merlin suffered in silence, hiding the purest part of himself from the world, Arthur represented everything Merlin should hate. 

Arthur had to sit down at the realisation. Merlin, stupidly good Merlin served a kingdom that wished him dead for who he was. He curled his hand into a fist, pressing his nails into soft skin to match the pain in his heart. 

He couldn’t. 

Arthur stared up at the ceiling, following the pillars and patterns up and down the stone walls while his brain kept on spinning, replaying every conversation he had held with Merlin about magic. 

He kept on seeing Merlin’s eyes shine a little less and his smile seemed a little more forced. He saw what he hadn’t wanted to see for the past years and it suddenly felt so painfully obvious. 

A rush of hurt and anger made him want to shake Merlin until he finally saw sense, saw that he wasn’t safe however much it hurt him, saw that he had to protect himself and not rush blindly into danger. Arthur paused, allowing himself a moment of blissful ignorance before he allowed an entirely different rush of emotions to surge through him. 

Arthur wished Merlin could see that he could trust him. At the same time he knew that everything stood against Merlin ever truly trusting him. Merlin had every reason to hate him, leave him on the spot and make a life for himself in a place that didn’t pose a constant threat to his life. 

Arthur ran a hand through his hair and felt like his world finally stopped shaking around him. But the newfound cracks in his life’s foundation would take more time to mend. For now, he managed to get up again and walk to his room, where he sank down onto the bed. 

~

Merlin returned the next day like nothing happened the night before and Arthur surprised himself with just how easy it was to fall back into their usual rhythm. 

When Arthur woke up from the sound of Merlin shuffling about, he watched Merlin for a moment before he remembered yesterday's events. 

He tried to decipher his feelings but realised that he didn't really feel any different towards him. 

Merlin looked exactly the same, maybe a bit tired but the same after all and Arthur took a deep breath. 

"Good morning," he said and Merlin turned around quickly. 

"You're awake," Merlin said, surprised, and raised an eyebrow at him. Arthur shrugged and sat up. 

"Well, a kingdom won't protect itself," Arthur said and Merlin rolled his eyes at him. 

"Up you get then," Merlin said and nodded towards the table. "Breakfast is waiting." 

Arthur pulled a tunic over his head before making his way over there. When he sat down his jaw dropped. 

“Those are my favourites!” He remarked and looked at Merlin with open admiration. He wasn’t entirely certain whether he admired the pastries or Merlin more. 

"I know,” Merlin replied and winked at him. “Thought you’d like them.”

Arthur smiled brightly before wolfing them down with barely enough dignity to pass as a grown man, let alone a prince.

“Oh, I could eat those all day,” Arthur sighed once the plate was clean and Merlin chuckled. 

“You wouldn’t fit into your armour then, though,” he remarked and Arthur scoffed indignantly. 

“I’ll have you know that I am the best warrior in the kingdom,” Arthur reminded him, chest puffed out, but Merlin only grinned and took the empty plate. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t ever dare doubt that, my Lord,” Merlin said with more sarcasm than should be able to fit in his small frame. 

Arthur rolled his eyes and looked for something to throw at Merlin who was out the door before Arthur was successful. 

Not at all bothered by Merlin’s comment, Arthur found himself on the training grounds with Merlin helping him into his armour. He thought back to their first days and smiled softly. These days, Merlin was just as skilled as any other servant. Now, other servants lacked the wit and compassion Merlin had, the rare wisdom and precious insights. 

Arthur looked at Merlin as he worked with skilled precision. His slender fingers had found their rhythm, dancing over skin and metal and Arthur looked over the gathered knights. He spotted Leon and Lancelot and made a mental note to train with the two of them before he spotted Gwaine, idly chatting away with a blushing maid, and changed his mind. 

“We’re done, Sire,” Merlin reminded him and Arthur nodded, clasping Merlin’s shoulder before quickly walking over to Gwaine. 

“Let’s go,” he called over to him and Gwaine raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Sure, princess,” he replied, gifting the maid a daisy before grabbing his sword and shield and stepping onto the dusty ground. 

“Ready to have your arse kicked?” Gwaine asked and winked at Merlin who grinned at the remark. Something inside Arthur was ticked off at the scene and he charged at Gwaine with a slightly bruised ego. Their fight was rather equal but they didn’t hold back. 

Gwaine’s eyes were locked on Arthur, gone was the amusement, exchanged for determination and Arthur was actually impressed which annoyed him even more. Still, the prince beneath his hurt ego was glad that the knights seemed to be capable of defending Camelot. 

Still, he tried his best to put Gwaine in his place. But their fight ended when Arthur drew blood in a cut on Gwaine’s forearm mere moments before Gwaine landed an ugly kick to Arthur’s shin. They both left the training grounds cursing like sailors and Merlin had a cold cloth pressed to Arthur’s leg quicker than Arthur could snap at him. 

“Shit, that hurts,” Arthur pressed out and looked at Merlin whose experienced hands were bandaging the cut on Gwaine’s arm. 

“It’s always the same with you lot,” Merlin complained and looked sternly at the both of them.

“One day I’ll not come running to tend to your wounds,” he threatened. 

“If only something could take the pain away,” Arthur said with clenched teeth, watching Merlin’s expression stay the same and he didn’t know whether he wanted to hit him in the head or be somewhat relieved that he could indeed keep a secret. 

Gwaine on the other hand looked from Arthur to Merlin and back to him and Arthur had to fight to stop the groan from escaping his throat. 

‘Why in hell would you tell Gwaine?’ he accused Merlin in his head who simply kept on applying tinctures to Arthur’s bloody leg. 

“Well, if you’d stop hurting each other in training no one would have any pain to begin with,” Merlin explained, sounding like an exasperated mother, and Arthur gave up for the time being. He’d get Merlin to tell him one way or another. 

Back in his room, Merlin was preparing a bath, carrying in bucket after bucket of water while Arthur slowly got undressed, reading through reports while doing so. A small kingdom had proposed a peace treaty and he was reading through their history of trade and land. 

Rhegea was known for luxurious fruits and cloth, making them interesting for trade treaties and Arthur tried to figure out just how these were manufactured. The kingdom seemed to be mostly mountains with small lakes, barely allowing any farming. The forest of Irda in the south of Rhegea was said to be haunted, buzzing with magical creatures and Arthur couldn’t help suspecting a connection between magic and the kingdom’s riches. 

As the bath was finally filled up and steaming, Arthur slowly got in and sighed. Merlin grabbed soap and started washing Arthur’s back. 

“If only the water stayed warm forever,” Arthur sighed and smiled mischievously as he felt Merlin pause for just the slightest of moments. But apart from that, Merlin ignored him and Arthur was alright with that, enjoying the warmth and Merlin’s hands massaging his sore muscles.

“How is your leg?” Merlin asked and Arthur looked down. The skin was still red and some dried blood covered the wound. A big, dark bruise had formed around it and Arthur shrugged. 

“Doesn’t really hurt,” he replied and Merlin nodded slowly. Arthur wasn’t sure whether he believed him but it was mostly true. It burned a bit in the warm water but apart from that he didn’t really feel it. 

“Gaius gave me something for it, I’ll put it on after the bath,” Merlin said and Arthur nodded. 

“Did he check Gwaine as well?” Arthur asked. 

“Yes, he said it wasn’t too deep though. He redressed the wound and ordered Gwaine to come back if it got red or swollen,” Merlin explained and Arthur nodded. 

“Can’t lose a good man,” Arthur said and Merlin chuckled. 

“Oh, I know you pretend to hate his guts but you don’t,” Merlin said and Arthur could hear the grin in his voice. 

“Oh, please,” Arthur deflected. “I don’t hate him.” 

Merlin chuckled and massaged him a bit stronger. Arthur moaned somewhere between pain and relief and their conversation was forgotten. 

~

When the delegation from Rhegea arrived a few days later, accompanied by their prince, Arthur felt uncomfortable from the beginning. The prince had a strange presence, a weird kind of glow surrounding him that made Arthur want to strangle him. He talked in nothing but niceties and sugarcoated everything, while Arthur prided himself in being straightforward. With him, though, negotiations seemed to keep on spinning in circles. 

Merlin had to shoot him warning glances when Arthur felt like jumping out of his skin. The king of Rhegea had fallen ill, which was why the prince led the discussions for their kingdom. On the third day, Arthur dreaded the evening’s festivities even more than the negotiations. 

As court customs held it, the Prince Ordar would be placed right next to him and it made him want to crawl out of his skin. Merlin prepared him in silence, appearing slightly nervous as well. Arthur couldn’t stand any of it. 

“What’s wrong?” He confronted Merlin while he kept on fussing with Arthur’s hair. Merlin shot him a surprised glance. 

“I don’t like them,” Merlin answered honestly and Arthur sighed with relief. 

“He makes me want to kill him,” Arthur groaned and cracked his knuckles. “He has something about him that makes me distrust every word that leaves his mouth,” Arthur continued and Merlin nodded strongly. 

“He even looks like a snake,” Merlin mumbled and Arthur nodded agreeingly. 

“Well, let’s get this over with,” Arthur sighed and got up, straightening his back. 

“I’ll be right behind you,” Merlin reassured him and Arthur shot him a thankful glance. 

“Make sure to hold me back should I draw my sword,” Arthur joked but Merlin didn’t smile. He looked at him with a dark, serious expression before nodding quickly and opening the door. 

“Shall we?”

~

The hall was buzzing with excitement and filled with voices, laughter and the clattering of goblets. Merlin followed Arthur through the crowd where Arthur greeted people left and right and exchanged niceties before heading for his place. Merlin didn’t leave his side, nodding at servants and people he knew. Morgana smiled at him and Merlin answered with a smile of his own before taking his place right behind Arthur. 

Arthur watched the guests, relieved that neither Ordar nor his father had yet appeared. Morgana sat on Uther’s left and leaned over to Arthur as soon as he had sat down, ranting about Ordar even though she didn’t even have to suffer through him in discussions. She had barely seen him and already decided that she couldn’t stand him. Arthur felt weirdly comforted by the knowledge that he wasn’t alone with his distrust. 

“He looks like a fucking snake,” she hissed before sitting up straight again as Ordar entered the hall. His black cloak fit the dreadful feeling that entered the hall with him. Arthur watched him cautiously as he walked through his people. Their peace negotiations had gone rather well but they still weren’t finished. Some critical points seemed to be stuck and Arthur didn’t feel like Ordar would back down even an inch. 

He acted strangely in discussions, arguing with such arrogance that made it sound like Camelot needed their alliance while their kingdom was actually rather insignificant. 

Arthur didn’t understand the man at all and he hated that. It made him feel like he was missing something, something he should see. 

Ordar took his place next to him while Arthur scanned the crowd for Uther. His father was nowhere to be seen and it was starting to worry Arthur. His father would never be late for his opening speech when it was meant to impress another kingdom. 

Arthur nodded absently at something Ordar was saying while waving Merlin closer. He leaned close to him, talking as quietly as possible as he asked Merlin whether he knew something about Uther’s whereabouts. He didn’t, but turned to ask another servant to check on the king who hurried away. 

Arthur frowned, looking back at Ordar who smirked at him. Then, the alarm bells went off. 

Several things happened at once. Leon came rushing into the Great Hall, followed by other knights while Ordar’s eyes took on a bright orange colour and Merlin yelled something, pulling Arthur away and shielding him with his own body while Arthur struggled for air. His throat felt like it had been sealed shut and his vision started to blur while he tried to reach for Merlin. 

Merlin, who was protecting him with his life as all Arthur could do was watch while Ordar’s face turned sour, chanting in angry, curt words while Merlin raised his hands and without saying a word, Ordar froze mid-motion. 

Merlin was breathing heavily as he turned around to look at Arthur who was still struggling to breath. Merlin stepped closer slowly, like Arthur was a scared deer before carefully resting a hand on Arthur’s chest. 

Arthur took a deep, desperate breath as the feeling in his throat disappeared and his lungs finally filled with air. Merlin stared at him for a second longer but Arthur only nodded, fighting to get onto his knees while gesturing to Ordar who was starting to move again. 

Merlin stood back up and slowly walked closer to Ordar. The rest of the Great Hall was almost empty by now, only a handful of knights and confused servants remained. Sir Leon was closest to Merlin, sword drawn and with a dark glance he charged forward, putting his sword right through Ordar’s chest. 

Merlin jumped back, surprised by Leon’s attack. While Ordar’s body fell to the floor, Leon turned around to face Merlin and Arthur. 

“The king was attacked,” he reported with an angry, yet devastated voice. He shot Merlin a quick glance, probably debating whether he was a threat now as well but wisely deciding against it and facing Arthur. 

“You should come, my Lord,” he said with a serious tone and Arthur nodded. He knew that Leon’s tone meant something bad and he tried to steel himself to face whatever might have happened. 

Though when he saw Uther, he wasn’t prepared. Uther seemed mere moments away from death, the strained breathing was rare and the bandage Gaius was working on was soaked in deep red blood. Uther was pale, more pale than any living being should be and within the few moments that it took for Arthur to sit down next to his father and take his hand, he stopped breathing. 

Merlin came into the room just as Gaius was slowly shaking his head and Arthur looked up at him with tears in his eyes. Arthur’s hands started shaking as he held on to Uther’s hand like he could maybe pull him back from the dead if he only tried hard enough. 

Arthur didn’t dare look at his father so his eyes were locked on Merlin whose face fell as he realised what had happened. 

“Gaius, I can-” Merlin tried but Gaius shook his head. 

“You couldn’t have, Merlin. There was magic involved that I do not yet understand but you couldn’t have,” Gaius replied while Merlin slowly came closer to Arthur. 

“I am so sorry,” Merlin said with a broken voice. Arthur wasn’t sure what he was referring to but he nodded though he couldn’t smile. He took a deep breath and looked at Uther’s face. 

Arthur had seen death before but it hadn’t prepared him. Uther didn’t look peaceful. Even in death, his expression was strained and Arthur had to fight back the tears. 

“Arthur!” He heard Morgana’s voice as she entered the room closely followed by Gwen and she knelt down by his side, hugging him close. 

“Oh, Arthur,” she sighed sadly and held him close. Arthur allowed himself to be comforted and hugged her back after a few moments. Gwen looked at him with big, sad eyes while Merlin looked utterly uncomfortable. 

“It’s alright, Merlin,” Arthur said quietly and motioned for him to come closer. Morgana let go of him and looked at Uther. 

“Oh heavens, I didn’t think I’d be sad to see him go,” Morgana said and Arthur had to grin a little. It felt surreal and he felt a bit guilty but he still shook his head at his sister. 

“Oh, you know I am not about to start feigning love, Arthur,” she said and Arthur shook his head. “But I am sorry to see you in that crown so early,” she said with honest compassion and Arthur felt like the air had been punched out of him. 

Because that was what was next, wasn’t it? Now, he had to become king. Morgana must have seen what went on in Arthur’s mind because she carefully took his hand and held it. 

“I know you’re ready, Arthur,” she said with a serious expression. “You will be a better king than he ever was.” 

Arthur closed his eyes and tried to imagine himself on that throne wearing Uther’s crown. He couldn’t. 

“She is right,” Merlin said quietly and Arthur found his gaze instantly. Merlin looked at him with trustful eyes and Arthur swore to himself to never disappoint his trust. 

~

The mourning period was a constant battle with his emotions. Arthur felt like he was swinging back and forth between very different moods and he knew that Merlin suffered from it as well. They had talked afterwards. Merlin had been scared and apologetic while Arthur didn’t want to hear any of it. Since he had long accepted the fact that Merlin had magic, all he asked was for Merlin to explain to him why he had come to Camelot. 

In long evenings and through even longer nights Arthur learnt of destiny and fate, the magic of the world and the places in between. He learnt of dragon masters and evil priestesses and one evening, he found out about Morgana. 

They shared a long hug as Arthur promised her that she needn’t worry for her safety, as he’d protect her. She laughed at him for that and Arthur smiled because it felt like home. 

The days until his coronation flew by after that and he felt truly scared of taking the throne. He had known the day would come but he had never envisioned it as a fate he’d have to meet so soon. 

And suddenly, Merlin was preparing his ceremonial cloak. Arthur watched him from his desk while he tried to write his speech. Merlin seemed calmer now. He walked the castle grounds with newfound energy and he stood just a bit taller. Much to Arthur’s irritation because Merlin still beat him by an inch or so. 

Arthur watched as Merlin worked in focused, measured movements to straighten the cloak and clean it of any dirt. 

“You still do it without magic,” Arthur remarked and Merlin looked up at him, contemplating Arthur’s words for a moment. 

“It’s a habit, I suppose,” he answered, looking at the cloak with a contemplating look on his face. “I am not really used to using my magic for whatever,” Merlin added and took a step back before slowly raising his hand. 

Arthur watched as Merlin’s eyes turned brightly golden for the blink of an eye before they went back to normal. The cloak on the other hand suddenly looked brand new. The red colour seemed brighter, more vibrant and the gold beading reflected the light in a spectacular way. Merlin smiled with satisfaction and turned to face Arthur. 

“But you’re right, it’s easier,” he finished and Arthur chuckled. 

“So, you’re trying to tell me that you didn’t use magic to do your chores?” Arthur asked with an incredulous smile and Merlin laughed. 

“Well, not all the time,” Merlin replied and Arthur joined in his laughter. 

“I still can’t believe it took me so long,” Arthur said and Merlin shook his head, coming closer. 

“No, I should have told you long ago. I should have told you when you were ready to die for me, when we helped Mirian escape, when you kept on asking me where I had been. I should have been honest with you, Arthur,” Merlin said, now only a few steps away from Arthur. 

Merlin’s eyes shone with regret and something else Arthur couldn’t quite grasp. 

“I understand why you didn’t, Merlin,” Arthur replied and sighed, getting up from his desk and stepping in front of Merlin. “You couldn’t trust me because you didn’t know how I’d react. I wouldn’t have trusted me either,” Arthur reassured Merlin, but he shook his head. 

“No, because I should have known! I never should have doubted that you’d understand,” Merlin said and he looked away, taking a deep, shaky breath. 

“You had earned my trust time and time again and I did trust you! I just didn’t want to risk losing you and Camelot and so I lied,” Merlin said softly and looked back at Arthur. “Which I regret, you have to believe me.”

Arthur smiled and nodded. “I know, Merlin.” 

He grasped Merlin’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. Merlin looked at him with open, honest eyes and smiled carefully. Arthur looked at him and got lost in him for a brief moment. Merlin’s eyes were like the summer sky and Arthur didn’t know what to do with that thought but he decided that it was true. 

Merlin answered his gaze, staring right back into his eyes. Then, his gaze shifted, looking down at Arthur’s mouth and back up and Arthur drew a sharp breath.

He felt a sudden urge build in his chest and he found it hard to let go of Merlin’s shoulder. Arthur mirrored Merlin’s gaze, looking at his lips, lips he had seen so many times and yet he had never looked at them like this. 

Arthur felt his heart speed up and he held his breath. Just as he was about to leave behind everything he’d ever known, Merlin took a step back and turned around. Arthur’s excitement faltered and was replaced by confused disappointment. 

“You have to rest, Sire,” Merlin said, back still turned to Arthur. “Tomorrow, you will be king.” 

Arthur stared at the back of Merlin’s head, unable to say or do anything, too confused by his feelings and desires. Merlin slowly turned around but didn’t look Arthur in the eyes. 

“Is there anything you need from me, Sire?” Merlin asked and Arthur heard the underlying implication and heard that Merlin gave him the choice, another chance. He felt himself shake his head before he realised that he did and Merlin had left before Arthur could hold him back. 

Arthur spent the rest of the night as a prisoner of his racing thoughts. Uncertainty and fear of the future occupied his last waking hours as prince and he hated how much he dreaded his coronation. 

He had known the day would come ever since he understood what it meant to be a prince and yet he felt entirely unprepared. He hadn’t expected for this to happen so soon, hadn’t expected to spend his time in solitude. He stood at the window, staring out into his kingdom in the darkness. 

Camelot was his home, the place he’d sworn his life to and he didn’t regret it one bit. He loved this kingdom and he’d happily die for her if that was what it took. Still, doubt had filled his mind with ugly, dark clouds and he feared that he wasn’t what Camelot needed and deserved. 

He spent hours pondering before the exhaustion grew too strong and he fell asleep at his desk. 

~

“Oh, Arthur,” awoke him the next morning. Merlin was still by the door, breakfast in his hands and a worried look on his face. 

Arthur’s neck and back ached when he sat up groaning, looking around the room in confusion before recognizing it as his chamber. 

“Did you really fall asleep on your desk?” Merlin asked and carefully sat the tray down in front of Arthur. 

“Well, I have to be ready for breakfast, right?” Arthur joked but the smile on Merlin’s face looked rather sad. But Arthur ignored that when he saw his favourite breakfast pastries. 

“This is amazing,” Arthur said between bites and Merlin couldn’t help but grin at him. 

“Fit for a king?” Merlin asked and Arthur rolled his eyes at him but didn’t stop eating. 

“Well, let’s get you ready to be our beloved king,” Merlin chimed and so it began. 

~

The music swelled as the doors opened and Arthur entered the Great Hall. While Arthur walked down the aisle, faces turned and smiled brightly at him. He spotted some lower knights and townsfolk at the back and he made sure to look at each of them. As he walked on and got closer to the front, red cloaks filled the rows. 

Sir Leon and Elyan nodded at him while Gwaine grinned and gave him a thumbs up. Lancelot only smiled at him and Percival grinned with such joy that Arthur couldn’t help but start smiling as well. 

For the first time he didn’t dread being king anymore. He was filled with the joy of the people around him and when he spotted Gwen right behind Morgana waiting for him at the front, he almost teared up. 

Morgana looked absolutely stunning but the warm smile on her face was what brought Arthur to tears. She looked like a proud mother and he was incredibly thankful for having her there with him. As Arthur climbed the few steps and knelt in front of the priest, he could hear his heart pounding. 

He barely heard what the priest said, too occupied by his nerves and what was about to come. He swore his oath off of memory alone and when he felt the heavy crown on his head, he took a deep breath. 

With this crown came a lifetime of responsibility and hard decisions but he would take it. He would give his life to his kingdom just like he had pledged to do. 

When he was told to stand, he feared for a brief moment that his legs would give out. But they didn’t and so he turned around to look at a cheerful crowd, applauding and chanting his name. He found Merlin’s eyes in a matter of seconds and they locked gazes as Merlin started chanting “Long live the King! Long live the King!” 

Arthur had to hold himself back from grinning like a maniac. He smiled in the most regal fashion he could manage while holding Merlin’s gaze. This was as much Merlin’s crown as his, he realised. Without Merlin, he would not be standing here. 

The noise from the crowd only died down when Arthur raised his hands indicating that he wanted to say something. He hadn’t managed to write a single word of his speech the day before so this was all or nothing. He looked at Merlin one last time before letting his gaze drift through the rows. Then, he began. 

“I thank you all for being here today,” he started. “It’s been a hectic and painful time since my father’s passing and I thank every one of you who helped Camelot through this dark time. It is now my time to bring peace and prosperity into the lands of my forefathers and I intend on fulfilling this promise,” Arthur continued and he was interrupted by cheers and brief applause. 

Arthur smiled at the crowd and took a deep breath, steeling himself against his own next words. 

“But I would not stand here today nor would this kingdom still be Camelot if it weren’t for one man in this room. I owe him my life over and over again and Camelot owes him just about the same. Which is the reason why I need to make something right before I try to do anything else as king.

I stand here today to free Camelot from a painful burden that was inflicted on her out of fear and hatred. I, King Arthur of Camelot, hereby declare that the possession and use of magic is no longer illegal nor punishable.”

The crowd remained silent for a moment, stunned by this revelation and Arthur held his breath waiting for a reaction. 

Then, he heard someone clapping from behind him and before he could turn around to see who it was the knights and slowly a great part of the rest of the room joined in. He saw Morgana smiling at him with proud, teary eyes before he sought out Merlin once more. 

Merlin stood stunned but Arthur saw a smile spreading over his face before he started clapping as well and Arthur grinned at him.

He made his way down the aisle but barely got past the first few rows before he was swarmed with red cloaks, grasping his shoulders and hugging him. It took a few minutes before Arthur could leave the room but before he could make his way to the balcony to speak to the people gathered in the courtyard, someone took his hand and pulled him into the opposite direction. 

Arthur recognised him instantly and smiled at Merlin’s hasty steps before pulling him into a small space between pillars and crowding into his space. 

“You are impossible,” Merlin murmured against Arthur’s face and carefully stroked his cheek with his thumb. Merlin’s hand cupped Arthur’s face and he looked at him with wet eyes before pulling him close. 

Their lips clashed in a hungry, messy kiss. Arthur felt Merlin’s hands press him closer, hold him tight while their lips moved against each other. All Arthur knew right now was that they fit, they belonged because nothing else had ever felt so perfect. 

Merlin surrounded him with warmth and he felt his magic tickle up his arms and spread into his body. They broke apart panting and Merlin grinned at him with loving eyes. 

“Thank you, Arthur,” Merlin said softly and straightened the crown on Arthur’s head. 

“No, Merlin,” Arthur interrupted. “Thank you.”

It was Arthur’s turn to grab Merlin’s hand and pull him with him, right to the balcony. He motioned for Merlin to stay right behind the wall that would hide him from view before taking a deep breath. 

Then, he stepped into the sunlight and the crowd erupted in cheers. Out here, it took quite a while before it quieted down enough for him to repeat the words he had said earlier. When he was finished he shot Merlin a questioning glance who nodded at him hesitantly but with determination and Arthur grinned before taking his hand and pulling him into the sun as well. 

Arthur lifted their joined hands high up in the air and shouted: “For Camelot!” The crowd joined in effortlessly and when fireworks erupted over the castle and it rained flower petals, Arthur didn’t need to look into Merlin’s eyes to feel the magic.