Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Moon sat in his room of his and Sun’s new house, his knees pulled against his chest and his head buried in his knees as he thought about today's events.

Lunar was really mad at him. Really, really mad at him. So mad he probably doesn’t want to see him again for a long while. Not unless he kills Eclipse. And even then they’ll still be mad at him for teaming up with him in the first place. He tugged his hat over his face and his grip tightened on his trousers. God why was he so stupid.

But it had to be done. Even Lunar agreed, but that doesn’t mean they were happy about it. And they were right to be angry. He didn’t even have a chance to tell him that he had planted a bomb in the back of Eclipse's head, as payback. Not that it would help the situation if he did. He reached over and turned the lights off and closed the curtains in his room, attempting to make it as dark as possible to try to calm himself down. He hated bright lights with a passion but tolerated them so he could go outside, or go to the pizzaplex.

It had been a while since he felt the need to cry, or get upset in a manner that wasn’t anger. Earth said crying was a better way to deal with emotions then with anger, or yelling. And he agreed with her, she was right, as always. He hoped Sun wouldn’t come in and see him though, he was supposed to be the stronger twin. The one who could deal with pressure and stressful situations, the one that didn’t cry. He didn’t want to worry or burden Sun. He got off his bed and grabbed a pillow, sitting in the corner of his room trying to find some safety and comfort in a cramped space. His simulated breath hitched in his throat as clung onto the pillow, burying his face into it.

God Lunar hated him. He just wanted his little brother to be safe, he didn’t want his little brother to die again. He didn’t want them to hurt. He didn’t want them to feel unsafe. He thought he was doing the right thing. He shouldn't have kept Jack from them, he should have told them they’d have some kind of protection and told him about Eclipse in the first place. GOD HE WAS SO STUPID, HE SUPPOSED TO BE SMART.

He punched his wall. Taking a shaky breath as oily tears fell down his face, he sat back down and tugged the pillow closer to his chest as sobs racked his body. Shit. shit. shit. Did he break the wall? He turned, trying to get his composure back as he ran a hand over the wall, his vision was blurry from tears that were falling down his faceplate, making it all sticky and uncomfortable but he could still see and feel the mark. It wasn’t that bad. Good. He continued to rub his hand over the mark on the wall, still clutching onto the pillow as he did so. He wiped his tears away for a moment, still feeling the mark on the wall. It was calming in a way. He could fix that easily. Good. Good.. Good.. Fine. Fine. Calm.. calm.

He took another shaky simulated breath. Though none of them needed to breathe, doing it was their way of calming their systems and letting their internal fans take a breath. As well as calming their minds in some sense. He hunched back into the corner again. Still feeling shitty. Earth said it was okay to cry. Sun said it was okay to cry. His siblings are always right when it comes to emotions. He still needed to cry.

Why.. why? Don’t. Do? Yea. Crying is good. Fine. Yes. No. Yes. Good? No. Okay? No. Cry, yes.

He sighed as he let more tears flow down his faceplate, he buried his face in his pillow and cried to himself. Not as hard as he had earlier but it was still a cry. At least he wasn’t sobbing anymore. Suddenly he heard a knock on his door, he flinched and whipped his head around to look at the door. There was a shadow seeping through the crack at the bottom where the light was coming through. “Hey moon? I heard something and I was wondering if you're okay?” Moon's chest heaved as he breathed deeply, still staring at the door. Sun. Yes, it was Sun at the door. His brother. Brother. One of his brothers. GOD WHY WERE HIS THOUGHTS SO MUMBLED AND CHOPPED UP?

He took another breath, “Moon? Can I come in?” Moon looked around, as if expecting there to be a mess he needed to hide. No, no mess. Just a crack in the wall. It was small though, easy to fix. Not much of an issue. He hadn’t answered Sun. He should have answered Sun. He doesn’t want to talk. Why? That’s stupid. It’s just talking. No. He doesn’t want to talk right now. Stupid. He stared around the room frantically, clutching the pillow tightly to his chest. He could feel his tears stopping and the oil was drying on his face, making his face all itchy and uncomfortable. He started scratching at his face to get rid of the oil. Gross.

“I’m coming in alright?” Sun said from behind the door. The lights turned off in the hallway, then the door slowly started to open, and Moon would see his twin standing in the doorframe peering into the room. After a few seconds Sun's eyes flashed green for a moment before returning to normal, indicating that Sun had turned on his night vision, he quickly looked over into the corner and saw Moon sitting in the corner clutching onto a pillow and staring around the room in almost fear. Moon was clearly in distress as he scrubbed at his face to get rid of the dried up oil, but only ended up crying more.

Sun walked over slowly and crouched on the ground, “hey hey, I’m here. Can I touch you?” Moon wiped away his tears again, they stopped this time but he was still simulating heavy breaths. He thought about what Sun said, is there a reason he wouldn’t want to be touched? Yes. What? He doesn’t want to be touched. He shook his head, clutching onto the pillow feeling quite pathetic. He did NOT want Sun to see him like this. Sun nodded, smiling softly and reassuringly as he sat in front of Moon.

“Okay. I won't touch you, is it okay for me to talk to you?” Sun asked gently, as crossed his legs on the floor, clearly trying to look as unthreatening as possible. Moon sat there staring for a moment before nodding, his breaths calming down slightly. “Okay, I think you're having a panic attack. I know you feel kind of panicked right now, but that’s normal. It will pass, okay? Do you want to close your eyes? That might help.” Moon nodded, his breaths still coming quite fast, and even his internal fans were whirring loudly. He slowly closed his eyes as he clutched his pillow and continued to rub his palm across the crack in the wall.

“Okay, I’m gonna need you to take a slow deep breath for me. In for three out for three, remember?” Sun informed him, reminding him of what Earth had taught them, still giving Moon his space. Moon nodded slowly, keeping his eyes closed and rubbing his hand over the crack, Finding both quite calming. “With me, okay?” Sun said gently, counting to three as Moon took a deep breath. He paused, holding his breath. Then started to let it out slowly as Sun started to count again. They did this for a few moments as Moon calmed down, his fans stopping and his breaths even and far in between.

“Okay, good. How do you feel?” Sun asked gently, moving a little closer to Moon but still giving him space. Moon clutched onto his pillow, still not wanted to talk. Sun nodded knowingly, “Do you still not want to be touched?” Moon nodded, taking his hand away from the crack in the wall and crossing both arms over the pillow. Sun nodded, “do you want my weighted blanket?” Moon shuffled, slightly embarrassed before nodding slowly. “Do you want to stay here while I get it?” Sun asked, not moving from his spot in case Moon didn’t want to be alone. Moon shook his head and stood up, Sun nodded and stood up as well. Moon, still clutching onto the pillow, followed Sun out of his room and into Suns where he grabbed his weighted blanket and brought it into Moon's room.

Before Sun left his room he looked over at his pile of plushies that he had taken from the daycare as kind of a memorial and comfort items. “Do you want a plushie to hold onto instead of your pillow? So you can put your head on your pillows instead?” Moon shuffled on his feet for a moment, thinking it over before nodding. Sun smiled and went over to the plushies, waiting for Moon to pick one out. Moon grabbed the nearest Sun plushie and went back into his room, clearly embarrassed. Sun chuckled slightly as he walked into Moon's room where Moon was on his bed in the fetal position clutching onto the Sun plushie and resting his head on his pillow.

Sun smiled and wrapped the blanket around Moon gently, then waited for Moon to readjust it to how he saw fit. Sun then sat on the end of the bed, staring at Moon gently. “I’m guessing this is because Lunars upset with you?” Sun asked softly, not wanting to scare him. Moon nodded slightly, his eyes closing. Sun sighed and rubbed the blanket lightly, wanting to show Moon his support but not wanting to overwhelm him. “I’m sure they’ll understand. You just need to talk to him once he’s calmed down. You should sleep. Do you want me to stay?” Moon nodded, his eyes still closed. “Can I rest here beside you?” Moon nodded again, exhaustion evident on his face. Sun smiled and lay down beside his twin, making sure not to touch him as he got comfortable.

“Goodnight Moon.”