Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

(kenobi) made his first post!

(kenobi) posted:
I hate living in the modern age.

***

(kenobi) posted:

What does "fr no cap" mean?

(...)

(commander.tano) replied: master Kenobi you can't use this app like Hoogle 😂😂

(commander.tano) replied: it means "for real, no lie", it means you are telling the truth or agreeing with someone else

>(kenobi) replied: How many acronyms and slang words do I have to learn to have a conversation here?

>>(commander.tano) replied: like, a lot

(kenobi) posted:
I am deleting.

(kenobi) posted:

I can't find the delete button.

(kenobi) posted:

Where is the "delete account" button?

(commander.tano) posted:

[A video of Anakin wheezing on the floor.]

@a.skywalker has cried-laughed himself into hiccups 😂😂😂

***

(a.skywalker) posted:
people with one-word urls are sith lords
(...)
(kenobi) replied: What are you talking about?
>(a.skywalker) replied: how else would they get that url if not through the dark side?
>(a.skywalker) replied: hold on a moment...
>(commander.tano) replied: Master Kenobi how did you get that handle? I know someone was using it before and it wasn’t you because they were posting jedi edits and you can’t do edits because youre old 🧐🧐🧐
>>(kenobi) replied: They gave it up out of respect.

***

(commander.tano) posted:

we're finally on leave but I have to hang out with skyguy cause all my friends are on missions and he doesn't have his own friends except like two who are both busy this sucks

(...)

(a.skywalker) replied: I'm not forcing you you little asshole

(a.skywalker) replied: and for your information, I have MANY MORE than two friends

>(commander.tano) replied: oh yeah? name them

>>(a.skywalker) replied: grogu is my friend

>>>(commander.tano) replied: grogu is a toddler

>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: he's 47 actually

>>>>>(commander.tano) replied: he's literally at the goo goo gaa gaa stage of life

>>>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: no he's not, he just doesn't see you as his equal so he's not talking to you. grogu and I are classmates. we're tight.

>>>>>>>(commander.tano) replied: sure. go hang out with grogu then. change his diaper maybe

***

 (commander.tano) posted:

 [A video of a very bad Jedi merch made by someone who clearly doesn't speak basic. Video zooms in one of the t-shirts that has a picture of Ahsoka, edited so much her skin is yellow.]

 in the lover levels with @a.skylwaker. where did they get the pictures of me before my liver transplant?? 😮

(...)

(fivesfivesfives) replied: wym? it looks completely normal 🤨

***

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of a stain on a diner's tablecloth that looks a bit like a human face.]
master went to get our order and he's been gone for twenty minutes. everything reminds me of him 😢 I hope he gets me my Jogan fruit cake, the only thing I ever asked of him 😩

***

(commander.tano) posted:

my master forgot to get me a Jogan fruit cookie with my order, he suuuuucks aaaaaaaaaasss😩😩😩

  (...)

>(barisssssss) replied: well, my master once forgot to pick me up after a mission and I was left stranded on a war-torn planetoid alone. like, not even a planet. A planetoid. There's only so many places to hide from missiles on a planetoid.

>>(lumi.duli) replied: Let's not throw stones around. It was a learning experience, was it not, Padawan?

>>>(barisssssss) replied: yes, master. I learned there is no one you can really trust.

>>>>(commander.tano) replied: damn. okay. I'll shut up I guess 😐

***

 (a.skywalker) posted:

 I'm not saying that being a Master isn't a rewarding job in itself, but Padawans can be such ungrateful little shits sometimes. not naming any names, but 😒

  (...)

(commander.tano) replied: excuse you? what am I supposed to be grateful for? your shitty pep talks or those nuggets of wisdom you pull out of your ass once in a while? multiple near-death experiences I had just this week?

>(kenobi): I changed my mind, life is good sometimes.

***

(plokoon104) posted:

[Picture of Obi-wan Kenobi attending a Council meeting, sitting in a chair too big for him, one leg over the other, crossed at the ankle.]

Human behavior will never stop being a mystery to me. Is this not bad for your knees?

  (...)

(akan.ho) replied: Why is he sitting like that? Whore behavior.

***

(a.skywalker) posted:

[A video of himself and Ahsoka posing in matching pink t-shirts with Obi-wan's fanart on the front, drawn inside a heart with a bubbly writing around it saying: "You're the Obi-wan for me!"]

@kenobi master, look what we got!

  (...)

(kenobi) replied: It's awful.

(kenobi) replied: Go get a refund.

>(commander.tano) replied: we also got you this! [Picture of a baby blue t-shirt with a fanart of Anakin inside a heart that says: "Anakin Groundrunner".]

>>(kenobi) replied: It's even worse.

>>>(kenobi) replied: Bring me that thing.

***

(kenobi) posted:

Sometimes you can learn a lot from your Padawan.

(...)

(commander.tano) replied: master kenobi what did you learn from anakin?

>(kenobi) replied: Why some species' eat their young.

***

EXCLUSIVE From Coruscant Gossip:

∆ Obi-wan Kenobi being a total DILF for 15 minutes straight! CLICK HERE TO WATCH (NOT CLICKBAIT!)

∆ We interviewed a Jedi Padawan, Ahsoka Tano about life on the battlefield! Exclusive quotes and pictures! Ahsoka Tano: "I like setting explosives the most, but..." READ MORE HERE!

∆ Love blooming in the Senate? Is this just our collective imagination, or is Sly Moore making eyes at Chancellor Palpatine? Photos +28 READ MORE HERE!

∆ A definitive ranking of Top Ten Best Dressess Senator Amidala Wore This Year! Photos +11 CLICK HERE TO READ!

∆ Clone videos gaining popularity on Holoxy? Here's the Top 100 Viral videos made by the clone troopers and handpicked by our editors! CLICK HERE TO WATCH!

***

(a.skywalker) posted:

[A sneakily taken video of Obi-wan scrolling on his datapad, down voting every single post on Anakin's account.]

whys he doing it???

(...)

(commander.tano) replied: lmaaao he's had holoxy for a day and he's already in a full hater mode 😂😂

(a.skylwaker) posted:

[A sneakily taken video of Obi-wan pausing his scrolling and turning around.]

oh shit

Chapter Text

(they-call-me-waxer-cuz-I-be-waxin) posted:
[A video of Boil seeing a weird vibrator at a random market on random world, then, perfectly imitating General Grievous: "Ah, yes. this will make a fine addition to my collection". Camera immediately turns to Obi-wan, watching them and drinking water. He ugly snorts with laughter, water going through his nose, then slaps both hands over his face, trying to hide it, with no use. Waxer descends into hysterical laughter in the back.]
  (...)
(commander.tano) replied: I've watched it like seven hundred times, why's this so funny🤣😂🤣

***

(kenobi) liked this post!

(commander.tano) posted:

[A video compilation of clone trooper armor cam footage of Grievous abandoning his ships.]

Like, I don't even know what to say, this is so embarrassing. my master, who is a sore loser, would never 😬😬

***

(a.skywalker) posted:

[A picture of Obi-wan standing hidden in the shadow of a column, bent over, clutching his femur in pain.]

he just kicked a droid 😂😂😂

***

(kenobi) posted:
  [A picture of a steaming hot cup of tea laying next to a thick book.]
  (...)
  (a.skywalker) replied: Force, is that a flimsibook? master you're such a snob
>(kenobi) replied: some of us just like to appreciate the finer things in life, Anakin
 >>(a.skywalker) replied: [I sure do appreciate that fine ass] This comment has been deleted!

>>>(kenobi) replied: What?

>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: NOthing, fuck off

>>>>>(jedi-shadow-007) replied: I saw it 😏😏

***

(boilin-hot-212) posted:

I mean, what can I say about general Kenobi? He's a great guy. he was conceived through intercourse and that's pretty disgusting, but he's a pretty solid dude.

***

[A video from a star destroyer. Anakin and some of the troopers are loosing to Obi'wan in sabbacc.

Ahsoka: We're on our way to help Master Obi-wan's ex-girlfriend, the Duchess od Mandalore, with her terrorist problem. Apparently, it's being controlled by that Sith guy master Obi-wan killed once in the past...

Obi-wan: She's not my girlfriend.

Ahsoka: Well, yeah, I said "ex".

Obi-wan: She was never my girlfriend. And I did kill him. I cut him in half. Who doesn't die from that?

Ahsoka: What?? But Skyguy said...

Obi-wan: You know, Ahsoka, there's a great way to tell if your master is lying. Do you want to know how?

Ahsoka: Yeah!

Obi-wan: His lips are moving.

Anakin: What? I didn't lie! Vos told me you two were-... um, good friends.

Obi-wan: Well, Vos is full of shit.

A stunned silence falls among them all. One of the troopers whistles. Obi-wan looks pained, like he already regrets everything.

Ahsoka: Wow.

Anakin: They were good friends.

Ahsoka: They were such a good friends.

Obi-wan hides his face in his hands, silently screaming.]

***

(a.skylwaker) posted:

[A video of Anakin sipping on a martini and chewing on the rim of the glass, looking extremely awkward, while Obi-wan and Satine shout at each other in the background. A quick shot of two handmaidens just standing there, before going back to Anakin getting another drink from a tray.]

Someone kill me

***

(kenobi) posted:
[Blurry picture of Maul towering over some guy on his new legs.]
Makes me think he's compensating for something... 🤔
  (...)

(sith.only) replied: WHERE RHE FUCK ARE YOU KENOBI I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU
>(kenobi) replied: Reporting & blocking.
>(kenobi) replied: Get a life.

***

[A chaotic footage of a fight, some explosions and a fire.

Anakin, from the distance: His legs! Master, cut off his legs! It's going to be so funny, trust me!

Ahsoka laughs hysterically.]

***

(sith.only) posted:

[A picturesque image of a meadow full of flowers and butterflies.]

The world if Kenobi wasn't in it

(...)

(commander.tank) replied: why are you so obsessed with my grandmaster, it's weird

>(commander.tano) replied: and don't you have an evil sith empire to build or whatever? why are you even here

***

(co-dy-mander) posted:

[A recovered footage of Obi-wan fighting Maul and Savage.

Maul: Any last words?

Obi-wan: I like your new legs, they make you look taller.]

Some footage from a droid cam that our slicers recovered from Mandalore.

(...)

(suaveage) replied: Not gonna lie, brother. That was pretty slay of him.

***

(fivesfivesfives) posted:

[A picture from a newspaper headline depicting Duchess of Mandalore thanking Master Obi-wan Kenobi for helping her recover the planet from the Death Watch and defeat the Sith. They are talking quietly, leaning towards each other and smiling.]

anyone else thinks they fucked

(...)

(a.skywalker) replied: no. go back to work

***

(one.fear) posted:

So, hypothetically, imagine a situation in which you go visit your old friend and she greets you sprawled on a huge king sized bed, drinks prepared, hair done and all. Also, the two of you definitely had a thing when you were younger... What can that mean?

(...)

(hrkns.jck) replied: [I mean. well. It speaks for itself, doesn't it.] This comment has been deleted by the author!

>(one.fear) replied: Anyone else?

***

 (padmé.naberrie) posted: 

[A video slowly zooming on Anakin and Obi-wan half-asleep in a random corridor, uncomfortably fitted on a tiny sofa. Anakin's face is squashed on Obi-wan's shoulder, a little poodle of saliva forms next to his mouth, wetting Obi-wan's robes. They're both tousled, bruised and tired. Obi-wan is missing one of his greaves.]

Barely back from defending the Runh System and they're already going to be deployed again in the morning. We are overworking our heroes! Please, consider calling your senator's office to help pass the 72.971 Organa Bill, which will allow us for longer R&R breaks by appointing non-Jedi Generals. We need change now! #PassBill72.971

  (...)

a.skywlaker: why would you film this I look so bad 💀💀💀

***

(fivesfivesfives) posted:
[A video of Ahsoka sitting on Anakin's shoulders, each of them holding two lightsabers.
Anakin: This is an official video demonstration of why Form VIII, all rights reserved by us, should be recognized as a valid form of lightsaber fighting and introduced into the Order's curriculum. Okay, here it is. Ready?

Ahsoka: Yeah.

They both begin to spin their lightsabers. One of Ahsoka's immediately slices through Anakin's metal hand, causing it to electrocute him. They both topple over painfully.

Anakin: Shi-...rgh!

Ahsoka: Fives, wait, don't post it!]

(...)

(kenobi) replied: I give up.

Chapter Text

(chancellor_palpatine) liked this!

(a.skywalker) posted:
one more scolding from the Council about my "rash behavior" in unpredictable situations that happen in the middle of battle and I'm turning to the dark side fr
  (...)
(commander.tano) replied: same, but with the archives duty haha
(kenobi) replied: Anakin, nO

***

Private message from (Master💕):

Obi-wan Kenobi: Did you just turn off your comm?

***

(a.skywalker) posted: 

Force I HATE archives duty.

(...)

(master.of.the.order) replied: I did ask if you’d prefer younglings duty.

>(a.skywalker) replied: are you kidding me? I’d probably kill them

***

(a.skywalker) posted:

Art: [A picture of Obi-wan's greying temple.]

Artist: [Anakin's selfie. He's winking and sticking out his tongue.]

  ***

(a.skywalker) posted:

[A video of Obi-wan casually pouring vodka into his tea.]

and he gets mad when I drink energy drinks 😑😑

  (...)

(commander.tano) replied: well, to be fair you CHUG like twenty five of them at once and that's, what, a shot of vodka? that's medicinal

***

(Pretty-Bly-For-A-Cloned-Guy) posted:

[A video of commander Bly looking at a crappy graffiti that says "Fuck the Jedi", then turning to the camera with a smirk and saying: "Oh, I intend to." Cue, laughter from the camera man.]

***

(a.skywalker) posted:

[A picture of a small sack filled with bugs and insects most of which are alive. Obi-wan looking down at it with contempt, Anakin is making a theatrically sad face.]

Obi-wan doesn't like it when I cook :'(

(kenobi) posted:

[Another picture of the bug sack, from different angle and with better quality. Anakin munches on the roaches, bug legs are sticking out of his mouth.]

I will be putting in a demand for trauma reparations after this.

***

Corsuscant Gossip Presents: A Definitive Ranking of the Top Ten Hottest Jedi Knights!

1. Obi-wan Kenobi
2. Kit Fisto
3. Anakin Skywalker
4. Aayla Secura
5. Mace Windu
6. Adi Galia
7. Luminara Unduli
8. Quinlan Vos
9. Ferus Olin
10. Siri Tachi

(one.fear) replied: this is bullshit how is master fisto above knight skywalker 

>(commander.tano) replied: Master I know it's your burner account stop embarrassing me

>>(one.fear) replied: I have never met you in my whole life, blocked & reported for terrorism

>>>(jedi.shadow.007) replied: it's because nautolans have two dicks

>>>>(one.fear) replied: shut up.

>>>>(one.fear) replied: wait, really?

***

(a.skywalker) posted:

to those of you, who asked what it means to be "the chosen one". well, let me tell you... fuck if I know

***

(padmé.naberrie) posted:

[Selfie in a hospital bed. Padme is wearing a hospital gown, but her makeup and hair are perfect as usual.]

Guess who just got POISONED 😜

  (...)

(a.skywalker) replied: I TOLD you clovis was a cunt

>(padme.naberrie) replied: you don't understand, I can fix him. besides, he's not the one who poisoned me, there's still good in him.

***

 (a.skywalker) posted:

 [A picture of a cockroach.]

@kenobi master look I just saw your friend grievous 😯 he's shorter than I expected

  (...)

(kenobi) replied: that's nice, but don't eat him, dear

>(commander.tano) replied: no, please, do eat him, dear 

>>(kenobi) replied: I feel like you're mocking me, Ahsoka.

>>>(commander.tano) replied: Master I'd never

***

(commander.tano) posted:

my master grounded me, so I decided to put him on craigslist, the price is 5 credits. It is negotiable. [link]

  (...)

(fivesfivesfives) replied: Is he vaccinated?

>(commander.tano) replied: yes, master kenobi forced him to get shots

(CT-rex) replied: I'll give you 3 credits if you throw in a leash

>(commander.tano) replied: deal 🤝

>(commander.tano) replied: he's taking away my comm, come pick him up 😫

Chapter Text

(a.skywalker) posted:
jedi life sucks ass I am 22 & hot, I should be snorting spice out of strippers' belly buttons not fight a war, they don't even pay us 
  (...)
(commander.tano) replied: u r so gross master 😑
(jedi.shadow.007) replied: idk what's stopping you
>(a.skywalker) replied: my master 😔
>>(kenobi) replied: Don't even think about doing spice or so help me Force!
>>(jedi.shadow.007) replied: you know Skywalker, when he was your age, your master was way worse than that.
>>>(kenobi) replied: Say one more word and you're dead, Quin.
>>>(jedi.shadow.007) replied: Master Qui-gon once caught him at the lower levels with a
>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: with a what?
>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: with a what, vos???
>>>>(commander.tano) replied: oh my god he's been fucking unalived

***

(a.skywalker) posted:
just had a sex dream with master windu I'm gonna go drown myself in a fountain I think 
  (...)
(master.of.the.order) replied: Skywalker, no. 
>(master.of.the.order) replied: drown me first.

***

(a.skywalker) posted:

one time I put an orange inside Master windu's portable heater and it was there decomposing until winter so when he turned it on it turned his quarters into a gas chamber haha. he then put in a request with the council to give me up for adoption

  (...)

(master.of.the.order) replied: it's still up if someone wants him

>(a.skywalker) replied: aww, I thought I grew on you...

>>(master.of.the.orange): it was last month. you didn’t.

***

(commander.tano) posted:

[Video zooming on Obi-wan, who's meditating in a lotus pose.

Ahsoka, whispering: He thinks we don't know he's sleeping...

Anakin, to the side: I'm going to put his fingers in a glass of water.

Ahsoka: Ooohh, good idea. Do it, I want to see him killing you.

Anakin carefully puts sleeping Obi-wan's hand into a glass.

Anakin: Do you think he's going to piss himself?

Ahsoka: I think you'll piss yourself when he's done with you...

Obi-wan makes a startled snore and wakes up suddenly. Anakin and Ahsoka scramble.

Obi-wan: ANAKIN, YOU AS-!]

***

(master.of.the.order) posted:
[A video taken inside Room Of The Thousand Fountains. A gaggle of younglings is running around, screaming, laughing and crying. They're all dirty, their faces and clothes smeared with chocolate. They seem to be experiencing both the best sugar rush and the worst nausea of their lives. One of the regular fountains has been replaced with a chocolate one.]
@kenobi look what your boy did
 (...)
(kenobi) replied: You have no proof of anything. 
>(master.of.the.order) replied: five people saw him
>(master.of.the.order) replied: did you really just block me?

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of Anakin eating with other knights at the cafeteria and staring with sad puppy eyes at Obi-wan, who opted to sit with Siri Tachi and Bant Eerin. Obi-wan isn't even glancing at him.]
why is my master in the doghouse again, it's so embarrassing 

***

EXCLUSIVE from Coruscant Gossip:

∆ Real or Fake? Can you tell which of these 33 iconic Senator Amidala's hair moments are her real hair and which are wigs? Photos +34 CLICK HERE TO READ!

∆ Master of the Jedi Order, Mace Windu caught at @guiginos eating a chocolate eclair! We've sent our reporters to try it out and check if they're really as good as everyone says! Photos +12 CLICK HERE TO READ!

∆ The narrow spectrum of Jedi fashion! Is beige really the new black? Photos +36 CLICK HERE TO READ!

∆ Watch this holo of Anakin Skywalker and Obi-wan Kenobi making moon eyes at one another and tell me they're not actually in love! CLICK HERE TO READ!

∆ New, promising indie jizz artists of the summer! Is Max Rebo the hot, new thing?? CLICK HERE TO READ!

***

(commander.tano) posted:

[Picture 1: A dresser shelf full of perfume, skincare stuff, scented soaps and so on.

Picture 2: A 3 in 1 bottle of shampoo-conditioner-bodywash liquid laying in the corner of the shower.]

guess which one is my master’s and which is master kenobi's, the comparison is insane lmaao

***

(barisssssss) posted: 

[A video of Ahsoka running away laughing hysterically as she cradles a stolen lightsaber AND a prosthetic hand to her chest while Anakin chases after her, yelling.] 

my master would unalive me for that fr

***

(master.of.the.order) posted:

[A video of Ki-Adi hitting his head on the doorframe.]

L.O.L.

(...)

(a.skywalker) replied: don't ever use that word. I got full body shivers.

(a.skywalker) posted:

[A screenshot of the header of Mace Windu's account, with a "You've been blocked!" notification showing.]

that's so fucking rude

***

(master.of.the.order) posted:

@a.skywalker did you or did you not put black dye in every washing machine in the Temple

(...)

(a.skywalker) replied: new comm, who is this 

>(Master.of.the.order) replied: are you twelve?

>>(a.skywalker) replied: out of ten, yeah

***

(master.of.the.order) posted:

@kenobi your entire lineage has something wrong with them

(...)

(kenobi) replied: Like I don't know that 🙄

Chapter Text

(commander.tano) posted:

master obi wan faked his death and now skyguy isn't talking to him. I am a child of divorce 😔

***

(kenobi) posted: 

You fake your death ONE time to SAVE THE CHANCELLOR and what do you get in return? The silent treatment.

  (...)

(commander.tano) replied: master, anakin just blocked u 

>(kenobi) replied: tell him he can from now on cook his own damn tatooine tuber risotto then

>>(commander.tano) replied: ok

>>(commander.tano) replied: he unblocked u

***

Private message from (Anakin):

Anakin Skywalker: Master, I have decided to forgive you. 

***

(This post has been deleted by MOD!)

(Reasoning: Political extremism.)

(fivesfivesfives) posted:

Like, I can't put a finger on it, but the Chancellor gives me vibes that are... how should I put this?... Rank.

***

(commander.tano) posted:

stop calling my master a babygirl! 😡😡😡 this is gross & wrong!!! he's not a babygirl, he's a weirdo loser!!!

  (...)

(fives.fives.fives) replied: is that not, a core component of a babygirl?

>(commander.tano) replied: fives, I'm demoting you

>>(fives.fives.fives) replied: that's workplace discrimination based on political views and I'll be reporting it to, uh, senator Amidala @padme.naberrie

>>>(padmé.naberrie) replied: ahsoka, fives is right on this one. "weirdo" and "loser" ARE the core components of babygirl in today's definition of the concept.

(a.skywalker) replied: if I'm a babygirl then who are you? are you not a "baby" and a "girl"? 🤔

>(commander.tano) replied: who are you calling a baby? I'm mother obviously

>>(fives.fives.fives) replied: you're cousin at best

>>>(commander.tano) replied: I'm demoting you again

***

(kenobi) posted:

[A picture of R2D2 chilling between the coffee maker and a toster.]

@a.skywalker Why is Artoo on the counter?

(...)

(a.skywalker) replied: he likes to be tall

***

(commander.tano) posted:

I'm getting a piercing 

  (...)

(a.skywalker) replied: no you're not, you're too young

>(commander.tano) replied: I am literally leading an army, am I not too young for that one either?

(kenobi) replied: You're not getting a piercing until you're knighted.

(commander.tano) posted: 

I'm getting a piercing after I'm knighted 

  (...)

(kenobi) replied: ☺️

(a.skywalker) replied: wow

***

(commander.tano) posted: 

@a.skywalker master, can I go hang out in the lower levels with my friends??

  (...)

(a.skywalker) replied: what did obiwan say?

>(commander.tano) replied: what does that matter. he's not your boss anymore

>>(jedi.shadow.007) replied: ooooohhh that's a trap if I've ever seen one

>>>(a.skywalker) replied: well, if obi-wan ever taught me anything about traps is that you gotta spring them :) you may go, padawan. but don't do anything I wouldn't do!

>>>>(jedi.shadow.007) replied: and definitely don't do anything he WOULD do

***

(commander.tano) posted:

most people don't know this but I literally died that one time haha

  (...)

(kenobi) replied: Ahsoka, I am comming you. 

>(a.skywalker) replied: you know he will give you a long Talk™ now, snips

>>(kenobi) replied: Well, someone has to!

***

(a.skywalker) posted:

Obi-wan, when 'Soka gets in trouble: "your padawan"

Obi-wan, when 'Soka gets praised by the Council: "oUr PaDaWan" 

😒😒😒 #TiredOfThisShit

***

(a.skywalker) posted:

[A picture of Obi-wan in grey sweatpants and a soft, brown hoodie with a Jedi symbol on his heart, looking extremely content with his hands in pockets, laughing and chatting amongst a group of clearly enamored knights in the training halls.] 👀

  (...)

(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) replied: never wanted to suck a dick more than in this very moment

***

(padmé.naberrie) posted: 

[A holo of Obi-wan and Ahsoka arguing.

Obi-wan: You are not going out dressed like that.

Ahsoka: Like what? It's a perfectly normal dress! Everyone's wearing this style right now!

Obi-wan: Oh? Is Bariss wearing that too?

Ahsoka scoffed.

Ahsoka: That's not fair!

Obi-wan: I don't want to hear that. You don't even have a lightsaber holster. How are you going to defend yourself?

Ahsoka: I'm going to a club, not on a battlefield.

Obi-wan: Doesn't matter. You're taking your lightsaber with you!

Ahsoka: But daaaad!

Anakin, who was watching them from the sofa starts cackling.

Ahsoka: I mean Master. Not dad. Master. 

Anakin only cackles louder, bent in half.

Obi-wan: Ahsoka, do you see me as a father figure?

Ahsoka: No. If anything, I see you as a bother figure, because you're always BOTHERING me-...

Anakin: Hey! Show your father some respect!

Camera shakes, as Padmé laughs. Ahsoka is visibly cringing, storming to the exit.

Ahsoka: I'm going to jump off the Temple wall!

Anakin: Do a flip!

She shows him a rude gesture before shutting the door with a bang.]

Watch commander tano die inside in real time!

  (...)

(commander.tano) replied: this is AI generated

***

(padmé.naberrie) posted:

Outfit Swap! 

[Picture of Padmé and Anakin. Padmé, in his too big, dark Jedi robes, looking smiley and cute. Anakin, in her flowy sunset dress looking way too confident.]

[Picture of Obi-wan in Anakin's dark Jedi robes and Anakin in his beige ones, both looking equally as unconvinced.]

[Picture of Padmè, cute and proper in Obi-wan's beige robe and Obi-wan in Padmé's white desert outfit surprised at how comfortable it feels.]

***

(commander.tano) posted: 

[A gif of Obi-wan slamming Anakin down on the mat and pinning him there with his legs alone.]

GET RECKT LOSER

(...)

fivesfivesfives: ahsoka,,,,, my sweet summer child,,,, he's enjoying it 😔

***

(kenobi) posted:

[A holo of Anakin and Ahsoka trying to zap each other with electric staffs.]

They're both so stupid.

(...)

(co-dy-mander) posted:

[A holo of General Kenobi taking a holo of Anakin and Ahsoka trying to electrocute each other with pure affection on his face.]

it's getting ridiculous 

(...)

***

(a.skywalker) posted: 

reason why you should never let a togruta alone with porgs:

1.she will skin and eat them raw 

(...)

(commander.tano) replied: I WAS HUNGRY, WE WERE ALL STARVING

>(a.skywalker) replied: THEY HAD HUGE, BABY EYES AND LITTLE TINY WINGS

>>(commander.tano) replied: yea I liked the wings the best, could do with some hot sauce tho

>>>(a.skywalker) replied: Ahsoka you're hurting me, you're killing your father

***

(commander.tano) posted:

I should be at the club. we should all be at the club. fuck this shit war

(...)

***

(kenobi) posted: 

@countdooku So, hypothetically, if I were to agree to that sith training, does that position include insurance and paid leave?

  (...)

(master.of.the.order) replied: okay, FINE, I'll try getting your battalion a few days off

>(kenobi) replied: Anakins as well.

>>(master.of.the.order) replied: dont push it

(kenobi) posted:

@countdooku What about dental?

(...)

(master.of.the.order) replied: okay, Anakins too! Christ alive

***

(This post has been deleted.)

(a.skywalker) posted:

[Picture of Obi-wan with his sleeves rolled up.]

Daddy

(...)

(a.skywalker) posted:

How about we all just collectively forget about this one? I'm claiming temporary insanity

(...)

commander.tano: I took a screenshot and printed three hundred copies already

***

 (master.of.the.order) posted:

I am once again reminding everyone that the ink for the printer is very, very expensive. Only use If needed! I couldn't print the annual Jedi Week brochures, because someone has used all of it the night before. 

Chapter Text

(a.skywalker) posted:

Master look, i made you a droid!!
[Video of a little moving pile of scraps painted turquoise, cautiously looking around.]

(...)

(kenobi) replied: Oh, joy. What does this one do?

>(a.skywalker) replied: his primary function is lying 😆

>>(kenobi) replied: Aww, so when you go on missions, it's going to be just like you're still here with me. Thank you, Anakin, this is lovely ❤️

>>>(commander.tano) replied: I'm dying lmao 😂 😂 😂 

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:

[A video of Padmé casually taking off her wig while Ahsoka stands in the background, petrified. Video slowly zooms to her face. Anakin snorts quietly.]

~°~

(siri.ana) posted:

has anyone seen an R4 unit with a sick paint job depicting blue flames and an eagle?? If so, watch out! There MIGHT be vibroblades ducktaped to it...

~°~

(kaedde) posted:

[A video zooming at R2D2 showing the camera his burner.]

he's flipping me off, isn't he? Someone please confirm, this is driving me insane. Master Skywalker says it's his version of a thumbs up, but I don't believe that for a second. That little fucker is flipping me off

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:

[A picture of a sign by a beach entrance that says: Children and Droids Not Welcome!]
as a person, who's 9% a droid and 95% baby, I find that highly offensive

~°~

(jedi.shadow.007) posted:

@xXwitch_of_dathomirXx Holo night at mine queen?? 👀👀

(...)

(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) replied: your place smells like weed.

>(jedi.shadow.007) replied: yeah it's because of the weed. holo night and chill? 👀👀

>>(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) replied: so, that was a no

~°~

(archives_duty_sux) posted:

[A video of C3PO shuffling down the corridor, visibly nervous, muttering to himself.]

just saw master Skywalker's weird ass droid. didn't know it was possible for droids to have mental illness, but he has like five of em. hang in there bro

~°~

(kenobi) posted:

[A video of a bunch of droids gathered inside a closet, forming a circle. Artoo is beeping at them, gesticulating with his multitool.]

They've been at it for two hours... Should I be worried?

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:

If I punch myself and it hurts, am I strong or weak?

(...)

(commander.tano) replied: weak

(ferrerus) replied: weak

(fivesfivesfives) replied: weak

(CT-rex) replied: you're stupid 

You have blocked this user!
You have blocked this user!
You have blocked this user!
You have blocked this user!

~°~

Sabè @theogclonesoldier

[A picture of Padmè in one of her more risque dresses.]

I hope her boyfriend dies

(...)

(a.skywalker) replied: man c'mon 

~°~

(padmè.naberrie) posted:

One bill at a time, we're advancing towards a brighter future for our children! Educate yourself on the current events, here's a summary of bill 56.772.102, which aims to regulate the mouse droid production licencing. [link]

~°~

(kenobi) posted:

[A video of a bunch of drones led by R2 taking over the workshop, forming a unified formation, while the mechanics watch in confusion. C3PO is trotting after them, clearly distressed.

C3PO: Master Kenobi, thank goodness you're here! They formed an union! It is all Artoo's fault!]

@a.skywalker your droids have unionized and are demanding more frequent oil baths and no unauthorized memory wipes

(...)

(a.skywalker) replied: as they should! fucking GO artoo!

(commander.tano) posted:

[A video of the follow-up. Master Windu was brought into the situation. He is crossing his arms, talking to Artoo, with Threepeeo translating. Obi-wan stands in the middle as the mediator.

Mace: Did he just told me to go fuck myself?

C3PO: Uh. *looks to him, then to Artoo, then back to him, then back to Artoo* No.

Obi-wan turns his head away, trying not to laugh and failing.]

@a.skywalker master come back please, Artoo is this close 🤏 to taking over the Temple 🤣🤣🤣🤣

(...)

(a.skywalker) replied: can't. heavily bombed rn. send pics tho 👀👀

(commander.tano) posted:

[A video of the negotiations.

C3PO: Artoo would like to add another clause to the agreement. Whenever he is working with a Jedi, and said Jedi is being a - I beg pardon, Master Windu, there's simply no other way to translate it - a complete and utter idiot, Artoo wants to have three electrocution allowances. 

Mace: No.

R2D2: *single deadpan beep*

C3PO: Artoo wants to have two electrocution allowances.

Mace: Still no.

R2D2: *prissy beeping*

C3PO: Honestly! I don't know why you would expect that to go through, Artoo... This is madness, you hear me? Madness! 

(commander.tano) posted:

[A short video of Master Windu shaking on Artoo's hand-like multitool.]

This is a small step for a droid but a giant one for droidkind 🥳🥳🥳
(...)

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:

[A picture of himself and C3PO. Anakin has a new gold pleating on his mechanical hand.]

✨matching✨ the drip is insane🔥🔥

~°~

(kenobi) posted:

@a.skywalker Anakin what's the name of that pirate we met on Ando Prime the other day?

(...)

(a.skywalker) replied: his droid's names are ZMO-22 (zeemo for short) and L3-07

>(kenobi) replied: Not what I asked for.

>>(a.skywalker) replied: that's the information I have

 
  ~°~

Private messages to [Snips]:

Anakin: snips, this whole thing last week has given me a GREAT idea on how to fuck with the separatists

Ahsoka: way ahead of you, skyguy, Artoo and I are posting droid liberation propaganda on CIS websites as we speak

Chapter Text

Coruscant Gossip:
∆ BREAKING! Unrest in the CIS senate! Count Dooku faces a coup?... CLICK HERE TO READ
∆ Relationship advice from a professional celebrity couple's therapist, Miva Covis!... CLICK HERE TO READ
∆ Architectural Digest at Padmé Amidala's 17,5Mil penthouse sparks controversy online! Is the beloved senator a "fake socialist"?... CLICK HERE TO WATCH
∆ 15 Summer Hair Trends that have to go!... 16+ Photos CLICK HERE TO READ
∆ Chancellor Palpatine in the heat of criticism! Let's face it: the billowing red robes are SO last season... 22+ Photos CLICK HERE TO READ MORE

  ~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
@a.skywalker skyguy would you still love me if I was a worm?

(...)

(kenobi) replied: Don't be ridiculous, Ahsoka. He'd probably eat you

>(a.skywalker) replies: force, master, when will you let that one go?? 🙄🙄

>>(kenobi) replied: I still get flashbacks sometimes.

>>>(commander.tano) replied: master would YOU still love me if I was a worm? 🥺🥺

>>>>(kenobi) replied: Of course. I'd make you a compost bin.

  ~°~

(This post has been deleted by MOD!)
(Reason: Hate speech.)

(vin.jaori82761) posted:
pretty sure I just heard the chancellor evil laughing in his office? 

  ~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
just saw obi wan decapitating four clankers with one move. am going through something rn. will update

  ~°~

  
(CT-rex) posted:
[A video slowly zooming in on Anakin, who is sitting in a bar booth, hunched, looking at the table. He rubs his eyes, puts his face in his hands.]
Is he having a breakdown? Should I throw a spoon at him?

(...)

(commander.tano) replied: he's fine, he's just fighting his demons 😔

>(fivesfivesfives) replied: the demons names are "gay" and "thoughts" 😔

  ~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Anakin swaying on his chair, while everyone else is having drinks.]
I thought he was raised on some tattooinian hard liquor made of motor oil, but he's such a lightweight?? he had like two shots tops

~°~

(fivesfivesfives) posted:
there's a kit kat on the ground can I eat it?

(...)

(commander.tano) replied: yes

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A shaky video of Anakin singing karaoke in a strange mix of huttese and twileki. Everyone is booing him, although he doesn't seem to hear them. Ahsoka is screech-laughing and cheering him on.]

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Anakin sleeping on the table, many glasses of water laying around. There's a picture of Obi-wan displayed on his datapad, zoomed in.]
lmaaaaaoooo he tried comming Master Kenobi with that datapad like seven times but couldn't find his number, then passed out crying 🤣🤣🤣🤣

(...)

(kenobi) replied: Wow.

(kenobi) replied: Where are you two? I'll pick you up.

  ~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
he is so embarrassing fr 

  ~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
what if I put coffee in my cereal instead of blue milk? would that fix me?

(...)

(commander.tano) replied: no amount of coffee in the Galaxy could fix you. you need, like, therapy and shit. 

~°~

(padmè.naberrie) posted: 
[A blurry video of Obi-wan and Anakin playing sabbacc. They appear to be accusing each other of cheating.]
I added a few cards to the deck, no one tell them.

  ~°~

(padmè.naberrie) posted:
[A picture of Obi-wan and Anakin cuddling and watching a holodrama.]
I feel like my boyfriend likes his master better than me 😑

(...)

(theogclonesoldier) replied: dump him

(master.of.the.order) replied: hold on for a moment

>(padmé.naberrie) replied: 😐

>>(padmè.naberrie) replied: that was a joke. we are not dating, of course not. why would I date Anakin? I mean, I have much better taste

>>>(a.skywalker) replied: dude

(This post has been deleted by the author!)

~°~

Private message to [Sabè 💛]:

Padmé: me??? I was the one who spilled, not Anakin??? this kind of hurts, I'm not going to lie. goddamned spritzers

Sabè: awww, I am so sorry about that 🥺 I hope everything works out!

Padmé: no you're not. you told me to dump him.

Sabè: It came from a place of love

Padmé: 😑

  ~°~

(theogclonesoldier) posted: 
[A beautiful, empty Nabooian field of flowers.]
life without some people's boyfriends in it

  ~°~

(a.skywalker) posted: 
about to be told off by the council for having inappropriate relationships as if they - well maybe except master Yoda - don't have inappropriate relationships themselves 🙄

  (...)

(yoda) replied: so sure you are, that inappropriate relationships I do not have, hm?

>(a.skywalker) replied: shot myself in the foot with this one, now I'm imagining it 

  ~°~

(fivesfivesfives) posted:
[A video of Anakin, walking around the kitchen in circles. Ahsoka is sitting on the counter, shoveling food into her mouth.
Ahsoka: How did you think his species procreated?
Anakin: I don't know, parthenogenesis? 

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted: 
[Ugly selfie in front of the Council Chamber.]
dread 🥲

(...)

(commander.tano) replied: don't worry master, if they throw you out, master plo said he will finish my education

>(a.skywalker) replied: gee, thanks for the words of comfort, padawan

>>(commander.tano) replied: well, to quote master Kenobi - this is all your doing Anakin, don't drag ME into that

  ~°~

(fivesfivesfives) posted:
[A selfie in front of captain Rex, sleeping in a chair, with a dick drawn on his cheek. Fives is covering his mouth with his hand in disapproval.]
WHO DID THIS 

(...)

(ct-dogma) replied: I have at least seventeen witnesses who saw you 

>(fivesfivesfives) replied: I made a petition to forcibly rename CT-6922 also known as "Dogma" to "Snitch", you can sign it here: [link]

  ~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
okay so there's actually no rules on dating in general, there's just a rule against dating politicians??? why did no one tell me that 

(...)

(kenobi) replied: I did. Multiple times. 

(kenobi) replied: It's also written in the actual code. Which you were supposed to read. Which you had an exam on. That you aced. I saw it with my own eyes.

~°~

Private messages with (Master 💕):
Obi-wan: Anakin, did you cheat on an exam?

Anakin: of course not 

Obi-wan: You can tell me, I won't be mad.

Anakin: ok I did 😢

Obi-wan: ANAKIN!

Anakin: YOU SAID YOU WOULD'T BE MAD

~°~

Private messages from (Angel ❤️):
Padmé: Can we talk in person?

  ~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Anakin lying face down on the kitchen floor. Master Kenobi stands over him, facepalming.]
cringe

  ~°~

(theogclonesoldier) posted:
life is good sometimes

Chapter Text

Coruscant Gossip:
∆ Anakin Skywalker faces criticism after being spotted wearing a t-shirt with a phrase "war criminal" written on it... 22+ Photos! CLICK HERE TO READ
∆ Anakin Skywalker's public apology after the t-shirt incident... CLICK HERE TO WATCH
∆ Anakin Skywalker faces criticism AGAIN, after a private holo leaks of him wearing the t-shirt the very next day... CLICK HERE TO WATCH
∆ Anakin Skywalker's second public apology after the second t-shirt incident ends in a shouting match... CLICK HERE TO WATCH
∆ Obi-wan Kenobi refuses to comment on either of the t-shirt incidents... 8+ Photos! CLICK HERE TO READ

(a.skywalker) posted: 
🙄
(...)
(Show all 12,9m replies.)

~°~

(securimom) posted:
[A picture of Obi-wan with his hair tousled and robe undid. Vos is laying on the wrestling mat, face down, one of his pant legs has been partially ripped off.] 
"adult men" 🙄
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: ( ‿ * ‿ ) -> ( ‿ｏ‿ )
>(securimom) replied:  👉( ‿ l ‿ )👈 not on my post you don't
>(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) replied: wrong account again skywalker, I will be keeping that screenshot tho 😏

[This thread has been deleted by author!]

~°~

Trending NOW:
'war criminal t-shirt' 
8M+ Posts

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'war'
4M+ Posts

'cloneposting'
4M+ Posts

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2M+ Posts 

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700k+ Posts

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650k+ Posts

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200k+ Posts

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200+ Posts 

'obikin' 
150k+ Posts

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A short video of Anakin and Obi-wan arguing. 
Obi-wan: I told you to throw it away.
Anakin: No, you told me to "get rid of the t-shirt". So I did.
Obi-wan: Making it into a crop top is not getting rid of it!
Anakin: Well then, you should've been more precise in your wording.
Anakin turns to the camera and Ahsoka zooms in onto his abs. The t-shirt is cropped in a very crude way, a 5yo could do better probably.]
#bratsummer I guess 

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of the three of them in an expensive-looking hotel.]
On a trip to Naboo!! Padmé's treat!! 

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of a buffet table.]
I know I should be an ascetic monk or whatevr but Force I LOVE all-inclusive so badd 😩😩😩

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of a fridge magnet in her hand. The magnet is a miniature store sign that says "Unattended children will be sold into slavery."]
do you think it's objectively funny? be honest, I want it
(...)
(fivesfivesfives) replied: don't you share the fridge with a former child slave
>(commander.tano) replied: that's why I'm asking 😩 cause, it's, like, objectively funny, right?
>>(fivesfivesfives) replied: yeah Idk about that one😬
>>>(a.skywalker) replied: I can't lie, it's pretty funny
>>>>(commander.tano) replied: nICE

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of her and Obi-wan laying by the pool in matching sunglasses, with matching space pinacoladas.]
skyguy wouldn't step a foot on the beach so we compromized
(...)
(fivesfivesfives) replied: should you be drinking?
>(commander.tano) replied: bro I am literally leading an army bfr

>>(commander.tano) replied: it's non alcoholic 😔

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of Obi-wan flirting with the lifeguard. The camera slowly moves to Anakin, who's watching this with displeasure.]
It's like watching a twileki telenovela irl

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of Anakin pushing Obi-wan into the pool.]
😂😂😂

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video zooming to Anakin's annoyed expression, as Padmé's giving him a lecture. They are sitting by the pool and Anakin is staring at it longingly.]
skyguy's getting a talk on "appropriate media training as a military leader and a public figure". I think Padmé also didn't find his t-shirt that funny 🤣 

(commander.tano) posted:
[A shaky video footage of Padmé and Anakin. Padmé is massaging her eyes.
Anakin: I just don't get it. It's a war. And I'm doing crimes. To them. Therefore...]
you know what he might actually be just dumb

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of Anakin taking a selfie with a girl that approached their table mid conversation. He's grinning to her camera.]
but what really matters is that he is The People's Princess 🔥

~°~

Coruscant Gossip:
∆Anakin Skywalker spotted on lower levels, taking pictures with admirers! You will never guess what he's wearing, yet again... 22+ Photos CLICK HERE TO READ
∆ Sales of the infamous "war criminal" t-shirt reach all time high! Uneasy discussions rise on social media... 17+ Photos CLICK HERE TO READ
∆ Anakin Skywalker spotted in a diner, wearing The T-shirt... 22+ Photos CLICK HERE TO REA
∆ Master Mace Windu forced to call for a press conference... 12+ Photos CLICK HERE TO READ

(a.skywalker) posted: 
they hate my girlish whimsy

Chapter Text

(commander.tano) posted:
sometimes I think about my life and I'm like. wow. I'm commanding an army at seventeen. that's horrifying. mostly, I'm just vibin
(...)
(kenobi) replied: Ahsoka do you need me to comm you?
>(commander.tano) replied: nah, I'm cool. I'm just online meditating...
>>(kenobi) replied: Again, not a real thing. 
>>>(commander.tano) replied: ...doin some deep web soul-searching...
>>>>(kenobi) replied: Okay, but be careful not to fall to the dark net, Padawan. 
>>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: yeah that happened to me once, it was crazy 

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of a droid peeking out from underneath Ahsoka's cloak.]
Rescued this lil guy from a battlefield... It doesn't really have a model, so I'll be taking name suggestions
(...)
(fivesfivesfives) replied: giggleshitter
(boilin-the-water) replied: have you considered giggleshitter?
(echo-location12863) replied: giggleshitter for a boy, explosive diarrhea for a girl
>(commander.tano) replied: I will not be taking any more suggestions

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Anakin's metal hand. There's a comm number (half-blurred for safety) written on the gold plate with a sharpie.]
WE WERE LITERALLY JUST WALKING THROUGH A CLUB CHASING A SUSPECT YOU PEOPLE ARE DOGS 😂😂 HIS EGO IS ALREADY TOO BIG🙏🙏

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A selfie next to a garbage can.]
ventress! didn't know you were back on coruscant! 
(...)
(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) replied: don't make me frame you for murder

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
should I or should I not put a taser in my prosthetic hand?
(...)
(kenobi) replied: You most definitely should.
>(a.skywalker) replied: ok, then I most definitely will not 😈
>>(a.skywalker) replied: hold on 
>>>(a.skywalker) replied: did u just trick me 👿
>>>>(kenobi) replied: No, I think this is a splendid idea. You should put a taser into your hand. That you use to jerk off. Truly, no one ever had a better idea. You should do it.
>>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: okay, I see your point

~°~

chancellor_palpatine liked this post!

(a.skywalker) posted:
sometimes I think u guys are so lucky I'm on the light side lol. like, if I ever turned to the dark side, it would be so over for y'all. I would SLAY so hard
(...)
(commander.tano) replied: if you jumped spaceships, master obi-wan would kick your ass so hard all your organs would shut down
>(commander.tano) replied: you'd have to be kept on life support permanently with no odds of ever getting better
>>(commander.tano) replied: you'd have to wear a full-coverage mechanical life-sustaining suit to stay alive and be pumped full of drugs to even stay conscious all the time
>>>(a.skywalker) replied: that's so unnecessarily graphic and specific what the fuck snips 😭😭 
>>>>(kenobi) replied: That's exactly what I'd do.
>>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: I just wanted us to wear matching all-black dark side looks, master c'mon we'd slay that so hard 😭😭😭😭

~°~

(one.fear) posted: 
y'all ever get sex dreams with your pseudo father figure?
(...)
(ferrerus) replied: no, I'm normal actually.
(securimom) replied: no. hope this helps!
(jedi.shadow.007) replied: no. get well soon!

[This post has been deleted by the author!]

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
[A video from a brunch with Padmé and a few of her handmaidens. Ahsoka's looking with indifference at the array of intricate pastries and sweets arranged on the table.
Ahsoka: Where's the protein?]
not a question that should ever be asked at a girl's brunch. I taught you better than this snips 😔

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
@a.skywalker man or bear?
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: like, to have? bear
>(commander.tano) replied: no, like, would you rather meet a bear or man alone in a forest? 
>>(a.skywalker) replied: I can easily kill both
>>>(commander.tano) replied: okay, if I was alone in a forest, would you prefer I met a man or a bear?
>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: you can also easily kill both
>>>>>(commander.tano) replied: no, like, ffs. If you had a daughter, would you rather she was in a forest alone with a man or a bear??
>>>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: why would I have a daughter, I'm a Jedi 
>>>>>>>(commander.tano) replied: ITS A HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION 
>>>>>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: why are u shouting. well. does she have the force?
>>>>>>>>>(commander.tano) replied: no. she's a civilian. Completely powerless. 
>>>>>>>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: my hypothetical daughter would definitely have the force tho. and no way I'm letting her go into the forest without a lightsaber AND a blaster, what if a man was there?
>>>>>>>>>>>(commander.tano) replied: I am going. to eat drywall.

~°~

Posted to r/relationship-advice by [one.fear]:
I need y'all to be honest with me. Is sixteen years too much of an age difference?
(...)
shadowtooka: well how old are you? 
>one.fear: 23
>>shadowtooka: he's too old for you
>>>one.fear: :(((
>>>one.fear: what if he's hot?
>>>>shadowtooka: ...
>>>>shadowtooka: how hot are we talking?
>>>>>one.fear: uh. like, general kenobi level of hot?
>>>>>>shadowtooka: yeah ok I guess if he looked like that I'd understand 
>>>>>>>one.fear: :D
>>>>>>>>shadowtooka: although I do think you might have a bit of delulu going on, because no one is quite at that level of hotness
>>>>>>>>>one.fear: oh trust me, he is 🤭
>>>>>>>>>>shadowtooka: op I worry about you 😔
>>>>>>porgslover477: omg I just hoogled him, how is that man 39?? what kind of skincare routine is he following??
>>>>>>>fortunatecookie: that's how u age when u have a heart full of kindness and love ☺️
>>>>>>>>porgslover477: fr he's so nice, I'd def pick him over the bear haha
>>>>>>>>>fortunatecookie: too bad he's taken 😩
>>>>>>>>>>porgslover477: whaaat?? wym?? 
>>>>>>>>>>>fortunatecookie: oh he's def fucking his former Padawan haha. I mean, have you seen them together? the PDA is insane
>>>>>>>>>>>>[MOD]notabrigand: y'all op asked for advice on their relationship, go to r/obikin for this shit 😑

Hoogle [search history]:
> obi-wan kenobi hot pics 
> repulser model sv120-77e spare parts for sale
> r/obikin
> obikin PDA compilation video
> obikin dating rumors
> fanfiction meaning
> obikin fanfiction 
> obikin fanfiction smut
> is fanfiction legal?
> can you sue fanfiction author for writing a fanfiction about you if it's stupid?
> obikin fanfiction smut top!obi-wan 

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video zooming on Anakin, face concentrated on a slab of text on his datapad.]
he's been reading way too much lately, I'm starting to get worried... he's not even playing games no more... do y'all think he's sick?
(...)
(CT-rex) replied: I didn't know he could read
>(commander.tano) replied: me neither, I was so spooked
>>(CT-rex) replied: is this a book too?? what is happening 
>>>(commander.tano) replied: I am actively considering an intervention :/

~°~

(kenobi) posted: 
[A picture of a sleeping Zillo Beast.]
I should really be paid for this. I should be paid so much money for dealing with this. 

(kenobi) posted:
[A picture of an awake Zillo Beast.]
F

(kenobi) posted:
kmxbbbbbbbbbainnnnnnnnnnnnnnmmmmmnn

(kenobi) posted:
[A picture of his pocket.]

(kenobi) posted:
[A picture of his pocket.]

(kenobi) posted:
[A picture of his pocket.]

(kenobi) posted:
[A picture of his pocket.]

(kenobi) posted:
[A picture of his pocket.]

(kenobi) posted:
[A picture of his pocket.]

~°~

(This post was deleted by MOD!)
(Reason: Political extremism.)

(kenobi) posted:
Some people should not have political power and ability to make important decisions on which they have little to no expertise. I'm not going to say who I'm talking about but it rhymes with Geev Talpatine. 

~°~

(kenobi) posted:
I am considering running for the position of the chancellor in the next election. If that will even take place ever again :/
(...)
(commander.tano) replied: master you have my vote can I be your campaign manager?? I'll make you popular with the teenagers
>(kenobi) replied: Of course, Padawan. 

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
freaking,,, fought a dinosaur today. obi-wan was so mad 😳 best day ever

Chapter Text

Private message from (Siri):
Siriana: meow :3
Obi-wan: Meow :3 
Siriana: grown-ass man 
Obi-wan: Bitch??

~°~

(kenobi) posted:
[A short video of Anakin and Ahsoka arguing.
Ahsoka: You are NOT blonde!
Anakin: Yes, I am!
Ahsoka: Your hair is brown!
Anakin: It literally isn't! You have no hair, so you don't understand hair culture-...
Ahsoka: Well I see about 20% more colors than humans, and can tell you, that while you do have some HIGHLIGHTS, your hair is BROWN! 
Anakin: It's called burbon blonde!
Ahsoka turns to the camera and mouths "burbon blonde" mockingly. Anakin looks extremely agitated. Obi-wan's hand shakes a little bit.]
I also think it is brown...
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. 

(commander.tano) posted: 
Let's settle it once and for all. Is Anakin's hair blonde or brown? Vote Now On Your Comms! 
🟩It's blonde [13,27%]
🟩It's brown [86,73%]
17,4m votes

(commander.tano) posted: 
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN. It is brown. 😔
(...)

(a.skywalker) posted: 
[A picture of himself as a baby with platinum blonde, sun bleached, whispy hair.]
yeah?? what's this then???
(...)
(ferrerus) replied: a mentally ill child

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Anakin laying in bed, face down.]
cringe 

Private message from (Aayla 🌊):
Aayla: are you having a public breakdown, because I told you master kenobi's type is a fiery blonde? 
Anakin: no
Aayla: because that's what it looks like.
Anakin: i don't care what Obi-wan's type is. 
Aayla: sure.
Aayla: well. don't dye, I guess.
Anakin: 😑
Anakin: you think you're so funny. 
Aayla: I don't think, I know 😘

~°~

Coruscant Gossip:
∆BREAKING! Sy Snoodles, a coquette icon of the Republic, marries a rugged nexu guide, just a months after their relationship becomes public knowledge! Millions of fans left in shock and denial! Photos +28 READ MORE HERE!
∆Is Obi-Ani-Dala real? Why are the two Jedi generals spending so much time with the beautiful Naboo senator? Video analysis (3h 37min) CLICK HERE TO WATCH!
∆THE Movie of the Summer just hit theaters! "Starchaser Saga: Part I" cashes a round 200B credits on opening night on Coruscant alone! Photos 27+ CLICK HERE TO READ! 
∆The Kryze sisters of Mandalore refused to star in the planned project "Keeping Up With The Kryzes", a spin-off of the hit show "Keeping Up With The Bonteris"! CLICK HERE TO READ!
∆Chancellor Palpatine misses AGAIN with the dark purple velvet set he wore to the annual Organa charity ball on Alderan! It's time to let his stylist go! Photos +23 READ MORE HERE!
∆Best shades of blonde of the decade! Photos +13 CLICK HERE TO BROWSE! 

~°~

(they-call-me-waxer-cuz-I-be-waxin) posted:
@212official @501official [link] they made a movie about our batallions 💀💀💀 who's shaver?? mf is that supposed to be me?? Shaver????💀💀💀
(...)
(boilin-the-water) replied: ........."simmer".... that's so unnecessary 💀
(fivesfivesfives) replied: "fours" 😂 it's so creative lmao 
(co.dy.mander) replied: death would be kinder than "Dennis"
>(boilin-the-water) replied: 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 
(echo-location12863) replied: that's all nothing. they made general Kenobi into a woman. 
>(boilin-the-water) replied: he was so annoyed when we watched it. she's constantly being kidnapped and rescued by general Starchaser 😂😂
>>(they-call-me-waxer-cuz-I-be-waxin): wasn't he kidnapped like five times since we joined the ranks? 😂 pretty accurate portrayal if you ask me...
>>>(boilin-the-water) replied: please tell him that 😂😂
>>(fivesfivesfives) replied: and the sexual tension between her and general Skywalker's stand-in is crazyyyy, it's almost worse than the real life one lmao
>>>(echo-location12863) replied: don't say it publicly 😂 😂 😂 

(commander.tano) posted: 
[A video of Obi-wan sitting in front of the Holo TV, watching The Movie. He is visibly annoyed, his hands folded, one leg thrown over the other. Anakin is loudly eating pretzels and radiating glee.]
someone's not enjoying the holomovie night 😂

(kenobi) posted: 
As far as movies go, "The Starchaser Saga: Part I" does not go very far. 
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: Is it because they put you in a Jedi miniskirt?
>(kenobi) replied: No. 

(kenobi) posted: 
For your information: the miniskirt is a gross sexualization of the Jedi robe, a very important religious piece of clothing, which makes it an even worse offense.

(securimom) posted:
[A picture of herself and Adi Gallia, both cosplaying in the Jedi miniskirt.]
Guess who just saw Part I🍿😘✨
(...)
(kenobi) replied: You are both uninvited from Anakin's surprise birthday party.

Private message to (Master💕):
Anakin: aww, master, you're throwing me a surprise bday party? that's so sweet
Obi-wan: We do it every year, you know about it.
Anakin: still 😌... hey, can I request a present then??
Obi-wan: If it's what I'm thinking of, then no. 
Anakin: it's definitely not that
Obi-wan: Alright, fine.
Anakin: can you dress up as General Kaneri?
Obi-wan: ...
Obi-wan: I am uninviting you from your surprise birthday party. 

(fivesfivesfives) posted:
the guy that played each and every one of us better be paid WELL. Or else 👁️
(...)
(commander.tano) replied: or else what?
>(boilin-the-water) replied: Or else. 👁️👁️
>>(fivesfivesfives) replied: damn raight brother 😤

(a.skywalker) posted: 
[A picture of the wall in their kitchen, with a big poster of the first movie in the Starchaser Saga. Obi-wan's character, a petite ginger woman is standing in a female superhero pose, holding a lightsaber, with her ass and tits facing the camera, a fierce expression on her face. The Jedi miniskirt is extremely short and her legs are extremely long.] 
the costume design really is a highlight, it just adds so much to the character...
(...)
(kenobi) replied: I'm burning it when I get home. 
>(a.skywalker) replied: I thought you might say that. that's why I encased it in kyberglass. and before you ask, this is one of a very few things that lightsaber cannot cut 🤗
>>(kenobi) replied: You have an hour to pack your bags.

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Anakin admiring his poster.]
he's happy, because they made him blonde 

~°~

(kenobi) posted:
[*A video of Obi-wan's own hand, holding a little Tupperware full of sand.*
Obi-wan: I'm going to show you how I used to make Anakin do his his laundry.
Ahsoka: *snickering in the background* 
Obi-wan walks into Anakin's bedroom. There's clothes in three, clearly separated piles on the floor. Obi-wan stops in front of them.
Obi-wan: He's got this circular system...you know what, it's too convoluted to explain and entirely disgusting. But if you want to destroy it and force him to do laundry, you just have to do this...
*He pours the entire box of sand on Anakin's clothes. Anakin's scream comes from behind them and Ahsoka starts laughing.*
Anakin: Are you kidding me!? I'm twenty three-...]

~°~

(kenobi) posted: 
[A picture of the poster from the kitchen.]
It would look better on me anyways. 
(...)
(commander.tano) replied: I showed skyguy this post and he walked into a wall lmao

Chapter Text

(commander.tano) posted:
Bad Fucking News Everyone. Jar Jar's got a girlfriend 

(commander.tano) posted:
Fucking. before me

(commander.tano) posted:
worst thing is she kinda badd 😞

~°~

(fivesfivesfives) posted:
[A video of Ki-Adi-Mundi standing on the ramp of his ship and talking to Admiral Yularen.
Yularen: I hope all goes well, General. Good luck!
Ki-Adi: There's no such thing as luck. 
He turns around and walks into the ship, leaving Yularen to gape awkwardly.]
ok, die then? what's this guy's problem? 

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
I'm about to slice into skyguy's datapad and see what he's been reading all his free time 😜

(commander.tano) posted:
this thing is password protected, has fingertips and facial recognition, voice recognition... what is he reading... please don't let it be something illegal 😭 

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of blue lightsaber stabbing her door from the outside.]
send help 😨

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of a giant hole in her door.]
no need for slicing anymore 😐 I am now convinced he's become addicted to hardcore gay porn
(...)
(jedi.shadow.007) replied: @a.skywalker ur silence on the matter is deafening 

~°~

(siri.ana) posted:
[Video of Obi-wan reading something on a datapad and drinking tea with Anakin wrapped over him like an octopus, his chin rested on Obi-wan's shoulder. They're sitting in the Temple's gardens and people walking by give them amused looks. Siri zooms in. Anakin is actually falling asleep.]
is this what they call "casual workplace relationship"??

(ferrerus) posted:
[Video of Anakin and Obi-wan sitting together on the ground of one of the Temple's workshops. Their legs are tangled together into a strangely comfortable-looking mess and Anakin is instructing Obi-wan on fixing something in his prosthetic arm. He is staring at the top of Obi-wan's head with way too much intensity...]
is this allowed? is this allowed???

(they-call-me-waxer-cuz-I-be-waxin) posted:
[Video of Anakin and Obi-wan sharing a singular pilot seat of a small shuttle. They're arguing about the route they're supposed to take while copiloting in perfect sync.]
almost impressive. still NOT a two men's job what are y'all doing 💀

(v.che.11) posted:
[A picture of Obi-wan sleeping in a hospital bed, chest covered with bandages. Anakin is sitting in a chair beside him, halfway draped over his former Master's stomach. He also appears to be asleep, but he's clutching Obi-wan's hand in his own.]
@bant-e-box how did he get in here again?? I put GUARDS by the entrance...

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video from an amusement park of some sorts. Ahsoka's staring into the camera, drinking bubble tea with a deadpan expression. In the back, Obi-wan's fixing Anakin's hair while Anakin staring down at him like he wants to disrespect him right there in the open.] 
having to thirdwheel on ur own birthday is diabolical 😒 

(jedi.shadow.007) posted:
[A video of Obi-wan playing with Anakin's fingers while they entertain a bunch of politicians during a gala. Anakin's clearly just there to look pretty, but he seems happy enough.]
force I hope someone will say something about it...

(commander.tano) posted: 
[A video of Obi-wan giving a report to the Council though a holocal, while Anakin's laying in his lap and scrolling social media on his comm. His hair is being played with.] 
me n who??

(fivesfivesfives) posted:
[A picture of Anakin and Obi-wan sleeping together on a single bed, full body hugging to fit on the mattress.]
every day I am subjected to more and more of this buffoonery

~°~

(fivesfivesfives) posted:
[A video slowly zooming on a graffiti depicting a hideous caricature of Chancellor Palpatine, with yellow eyes and evil expression.]
I didn't know how beautiful art could be 🥺

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
I am being framed for murder. Gee, I wonder who could've done that 🙄
(...)
(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) replied: beats me

(commander.tano) posted: 
witch of dathomir more like BITCH of dathomir

(commander.tano) changed their name to (fugitive.tano)!

(fugitive.tano) posted:
actually,

(fugitive.tano) changed their name to (innocent.citizen.tano)!

(innocent.citizen.tano) posted:
@galacticsenateofficial I'm a teenage girl why would I commit an act of terrorism bfr 

(innocent.citizen.tano) posted:
since I'm currently in my rebellious era, or, as the official version says "on the run from the government", should I shave a slit through my eyebrow?
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: as much as I want to say yes, you simply do not have eyebrows 
>(innocent.citizen.tano) replied: I legit forgot about that 

(innocent.citizen.tano) posted:
GOT A GIRLFRIEND ND SHE'S 200X HOTTER THAN JARJARS SUCK IT JARJAR 😏😏😏😏
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: congrats🎉🎉, he still doesn't know what the internet is tho
(a.skywalker) replied: oh and Obi-wan says that you should remember to eat vegetables while youre running from the police

(innocent.citizen.tano) posted:
[Video of herself eating cherry tomatoes right out the bag, crazy style, there's juice everywhere, she's sitting on the floor of a spaceship, absolutely devouring them.]
@kenobi Master. I cherish your wisdom. 
(...)
(kenobi) replied: Right. That's just what I had in mind.

(innocent.citizen.tano) posted:
Why are the side quests piling up

(innocent.citizen.tano) posted:
I just wanted a gf and now I'm in the middle of an illegal spice deal 💀💀 that's how they get ya. stay single, y'all, celibacy IS the way. 💀💀
(...)
(fivesfivesfives) replied: you good?
>(innocent.citizen.tano) replied: do I fucking SOUND good bro 😭
(master.of.the.order) replied: You have to alert the authorities about that, Ahsoka. Even, well, anonymously.
>(innocent.citizen.tano) replied: what, like a snitch? uh, no

~°~

(innocent.citizen.tano) posted:
pro tip: you can always blame all your mistakes on jar jar and then not tell him about it. he won't find out, he has no social awareness. me n skyguy have been doing it for years
(...)
(padmé.naberrie) replied: I really would appreciate it if you stopped. 

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted: 
[A picture of a group of people dressed in lawyer-y outfits sitting around Padmé's round table with her, Master Windu and Obi-wan.]
I heard at least 37 words I do not know being said in there

(a.skywalker) posted: 
[A grainy screenshot of a tabloid article with Ahsoka's picture taken by some random person.]
@innocent.citizen.tano padawan, padme wanted me to tell you not to show up at home in that denim jumpsuit, when we finally get u out of this situation 
(...)
(padmè.naberrie) replied: I did NOT say that. But if I were to say that, it would be right and justified for me to say

(innocent.citizen.tano) posted:
[A picture of herself in a denim jumpsuit, with a matching denim poncho and a floppy, denim fisherman's hat.]
@padmè.naberrie The Look is completed
(...)
(padmè.naberrie) replied: Ahsoka, you are breaking my heart 💔

(padmè.naberrie) posted:
@a.skywalker why do you never put the è in my name 😑
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: I'm not doing that bougie shit 😑 

(a.skywalker) posted:
[A video zooming on Sabè, sitting next to Padmé by the war table, but looking straight on Anakin, with dark, annoyed expression.]
why's this handmaiden so mad?

~°~

CORUSCANT GOSSIP:

∆The HoloNet has chosen! This month's favorite Jedi couple is... Obikin! It's currently a seven month streak for Obikin... Photos + 12 CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!
∆An exclusive interview with Jedi Knight Aayla Secura about being a woman in the Jedi Order and on a battlefield... CLICK HERE TO WATCH FULL VIDEO!
∆Microinfluencer and a Jedi Padawan, Ahsoka Tano on the run, as accusations pile up! Photos 12+ CLICK HERE TO READ! 
∆What are the cheapest and safes planets to visit during wartime? Let us plan you your next vacation! CLICK HERE TO SEE OUR LIST! 
∆Mystery continues! Is AniDala truly over, or did it really evolve into ObiAniDala, as many speculate? Photos + 28 CLICK HERE TO VIEW NEW EVIDENCE!

~°~

(innocent.citizen.tano) posted:
CoruGoss called me a microinfluencer, I am legit shaking, someone end my suffering
(...)
(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) replied: send me your location and I'll do it
>(innocent.citizen.tano) replied: u know what? I've had enough of you, DM me. 

~°~

(44jigaroo44) posted: 
[A video of a Jedi duel in a dark alley, green and red lightsabers flashing in the dimly lit alleyway.]
look at that sick ass duel holy shit :O

(44jigaroo44) posted: 
that shit can cut through duracrete, I think I'm re-discovering some things about my own mortality as we speak 😨
(...)
(kenobisseventhwife) replied: bro gtfo of there, do you not know the saying?? "green or blue - you are good, black or red - you are dead" 
>(zilobilo2201) replied: what happened to kenobi's previous six wives?
>>(kenobisseventhwife) replied: nothing you could prove 
(darthsegnitia) replied: who won??
>(44jigaroo44) replied: no one, cops showed up and they bailed

~°~

CORUSCANT GOSSIP:

∆BREAKING! Ahsoka Tano stands trial in person! The fugitive Jedi appeared in court for the first hearing! Photos +12 READ MORE HERE! 
∆Live-feed from the courtroom! CLICK HERE TO GET UPDATES AS THEY HAPPEN!
∆Barris Offee found GUILTY of a terrorist attack in a SHOCKING, after new evidence was presented by an anonymous party! CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!
∆Trial of the decade comes to a grand finale just days after it started! Ahsoka Tano proven innocent! Photos +11 READ MORE HERE!
∆Broadly televised Trial of Ahsoka Tano casts suspicion on the Chancellor's involvement in the whole thing! Photos +8 READ MORE HERE!

~°~

(innocent.citizen.tano) posted:
I'm taking a sabbatical from shitposting. this shit blows 😞

Chapter Text

(a.skywalker) posted:
[A selfie in front of a crashed star cruiser. Chancellor Palpatine is standing there, looking at the crash site like he can't comprehend how in the name of the Force, did they all survive.]
name a better pilot than me 
(...)
(kenobi) replied: Literally anyone else.
>(a.skywalker) replied: you said it was another happy landing! 
>>(kenobi) replied: That's a code for "I was happy that we landed"!

(kenobi) posted:
Flying should be outlawed. Altogether. We should all just stick to our planets.
(...)
>(a.skywalker) replied: but master then we'd have never met! 😖
>>(commander.tano) replied: and you'd still be a slave
>>>(a.skywalker) replied: oh, yeah, that too

Private message to (Aayla 🌊): 
Anakin: I got distracted and dooku escaped. AGAIN 😩😩
Aayla: u got distracted how
Anakin: I shan't say
Aayla: was it Obi-wan 
Anakin: no
Aayla: cause I heard he was unconscious and you had to carry him for a bit 👀
Anakin: who even told you that
Aayla: I have my sources 😏
Anakin: ahsoka... 😑
Aayla: were you distracted by obi-wan's ass again? You were, weren't you? 
Anakin: [A picture of Aayla and Bly making out in the shade of a column.] 
Aayla: ... did someone say anything? I certainly didn't
Anakin: that's what I thought 

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
[Selfie from Padmé's penthouse.]
I can't find keeping up with the bonteris this fkn tv has 8000 channels who needs this many she doesn't even watch TV she only listens to podcasts about politics and self improvement 

(a.skywalker) posted:
I'm already at my limit, if I don't find out what happened to zeri's earring, I'm falling to the dark side where's this FUCKING channel
(...)
(yoda) replied: good, you are, young Skywalker?
>(a.skywalker) replied: thank you for asking, master. actually, there's been a sense of darkness growing within me lately
>>(yoda) replied: hm. 
>>>(yoda) replied: meditation you have tried, hm? 

~°~

Hoogle [search history]:

> dream symbolism
> dream symbolism death in childbirth 
> how to tell if your friend is pregnant
> how to tell if your human friend is pregnant
> pregnancy side effects human
> death in childbirth rates coruscant
> obgyn coruscant best
> human proportions yoda edit
> yoda species
> force visions accuracy scientific data
> caffeine side effects hallucinations
> caffeine side effects weird dreams
> podracing events coruscant

~°~

Private message to (Aayla 🌊):
Anakin: hey, look at this
Anakin: [A picture of human-sized Yoda].
Anakin: is this the most fucked up thing you've ever seen or what
Aayla: bro wtf is this 😭😭
Aayla: put it back 😭😭

~°~

Private message to [Sabè]:
Anakin: Is Padmé pregnant
Sabè: I'll kill you if she is
Sabè: What kind of question is that
Anakin: I had a weird dream
Sabè: that she was pregnant.
Anakin: yeah. 
Sabè: she's not
Anakin: oh thank the force. I didn't want to ask her in case she thought that I thought she got fat or smthn
Anakin: wHICH SHE DIDN'T DON'T TELL HER THAT
Anakin: wait. 😑 wym you'll kill me??
Anakin: hello? are u ignoring me? 

  ~°~

(a.skywalker) posted: 
just accidentally became very important at this job, life could literally not be worse 😞

(a.skywalker) posted:
not to be dramatic, but this is maybe the worst day of my life, tummy fucking hurts kind of a day, y'all. I didn't even want that chair in the first place TT

Private message to (Aayla 🌊):
Anakin: u know I simply had a very intense fantasy involving obi-wan's chair, right?? 
Anakin: I need to know you know this and didn't loose faith in me 😭
Ayala: those two things are the most mutually exclusive things I've ever heard
Ayala: but yeah, ur fine. I know you wouldn't ask the Chancellor to do that, it's cool
Ayala: just, never talk to me about the chair fantasy ever again 

  ~°~

(securimom) posted:
[A picture of herself and Obi-wan in a hangar, chatting before departing towards their separate assignments.]
two pretty best friends :)
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: I need him through the means of matrimony 
>(securimom) replied: that might be the sweetest way I've ever seen you talk about master kenobi haha
>>(a.skywalker) replied: I also need him to fuck me raw until I pass out crying 
>>>(securimom) replied: there we go, back to the usual

~°~

(kkkatoooni) posted:
[A video of Obi-wan and Anakin standing on the terrace and smiling at each other. Obi-wan is holding Anakin's shoulder. 
Obi-wan: Just so you know, you are very strong and wise, Anakin, and I'm very proud of you...
Anakin looks like he might self-immolate any second now, he looks rabid. He almost lunges forward, hugging his master.
Camera slowly turns away to a young chiss Padawan, standing on the side and staring at them with an expression of moderate disgust on her face.]
first time she's witnessing this shit in person 😂😂

~°~

(ch3wb1cc1) posted:
[A picture of himself and a bunch of wookies, sitting around the campfire with Yoda and smoking pipes. Yoda's eyes appear to be bloodshot.]

~°~

(kenobi) posted:
How do you even ride a lizard?
(...)
(jedi.shadow.007) replied: do you mean a trandoshan? are you saying a slur rn??
(siri.ana) replied: I'm sure you'll figure it out, you once claimed you can ride anything 😏
(bant-e-box) replied: with caution ☺️👍

(kenobi) posted:
Why are my friends literally the worst? 

(kenobi) posted:
Figured it out.

(kenobi) posted:
This lizard is everything to me now.

(kenobi) posted:
How can a robot have tuberculosis anyway? 

(kenobi) posted:
[A picture of his newly acquired lightsaber collection.]
Just killed Grievous. Don't ask how, it was uncivilized and I will not elaborate. 

(kenobi) posted:
I sure hope Anakin is not doing anything stupid right now.

  ~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
going to the "Opera" tonite. what even is that

(a.skywalker) posted:
[A selfie in a bathroom mirror.]
fancy robes (the ones without the blood stains hah) 

  
(a.skywalker) posted: 
[A sneakily taken picture of the mon cala ballet.]
spghetti

(a.skywalker) posted: 
[A picture of a glass of red alcohol.]
red wine spritzer.... low-key darksided...

(a.skywalker) posted: 
art is hard to understand. even harder to like. tf am I even looking at?

(a.skywalker) posted: 
hoogle who the fuck is Darth phlegmus 

(a.skywalker) posted: 
Darth pleius 

(a.skywalker) posted: 
Plagius

(a.skywalker) posted: 
I wanna go hoooome this sucks ass

(a.skywalker) posted: 
Daft Punk

(a.skywalker) posted: 
thast not it

(a.skywalker) posted:
@kenobi master please come pick me up from the Opera, I'm scared 😭

(a.skywalker) posted: 
DARK PLAGIARISM

(a.skywalker) posted: 
stupid autocorrect

 
(a.skywalker) posted: 
NOW you autocorrect you bitch??

(a.skywalker) posted: 
[A blurry picture of his shoe.]

(a.skywalker) posted: 
I might be drunk

(a.skywalker) posted:
@kenobi master come pick me up from the opera I'm scared TT

(a.skywalker) posted:
by the force, this cannot be happening

(a.skywalker) posted: 
Ok chat, I'm about to do what's called a pro gamer move 

(a.skywalker) posted:
[Muffled video of the inside of Anakin's sleeve. Lightsaber sounds and vigorous rustling of robes are happening.]

(a.skywalker) posted: 
bitch just fell 

~°~

CORUSCANT GOSSIP:
∆ BREAKING! Power outage at the surface! The Senate building left in total darkness! CLICK HERE TO WATCH LIVE FOOTAGE!
∆ BREAKING! A coup at the Chancellor's office? CLICK HERE TO READ!

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of confused Obi-wan, standing in the entrance to their quarters, holding a matcha.]
NOW you come back??

(kenobi) posted:
I am gone THREE days and those idiots stage a coup??? There's a disturbing lack of a migraine emoji on my keyboard 😔

~°~

Recovered footage from a clone's armor body cam:
[A video of the Chancellor's office. Ahsoka, Anakin and Master Windu have their lightsabers out. So does the Chancellor. 
Chancellor: Execute Order 66! 
Anakin: Are you talking to me? What does that even-...?
Mace: Captain, stand down!
There's a sound of a blaster being used, they all scramble, as the clones that came with them turn against them. The office is filled with confused shouting and lightsabers catching on blaster bolts. The Chancellor jumps towards his desk, trying to get to his communicator. Ahsoka jumps after them, pulls something out of her pocket and throws at his eyes.
Ahsoka: Pocket sand attack! 
He hisses, scrambling backwards, covering his eyes.]

(commander.tano) posted:
about that footage that leaked... I panicked, okay?? stop with the memes, I don't want to be remembered as the Pocket Sand Jedi pls 😭 😭 

(commander.tano) posted:
y'all, master windu fell out the window, how about u make some memes about THAT, huh?! his name's windu and he fell out the window. come on, that's hilarious 😭

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
> tfw the man you thought of as a father turned out to be a sith lord who was grooming you since you were like ten in order to turn you against your master Whom You Love and then turn you into his Evil Apprentice™ 
> tfw the man you thought of as a father was actually the one who orchestrated a galaxy-wide war many of your friends died in, playing both sides in order to accumulate political power and transform the republic into his Evil Empire™
> tfw the man you thought of as a father organized the creation of entire army of clones, actual sentient human beings, then put a slave chips into their heads to one day force them to kill your entire family
  (...)
(commander.tano) replied: that's like, a major L, skyguy 😔
(CT.rex) replied: I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, yikes
(fivesfivesfives) replied: ayy lmao
(kenobi) replied: I'm getting all of us therapy appointments 
>(fivesfivesfives) replied: thank you, daddy
>(CT.rex) replied: thank you, daddy
>(a.skywalker) replied: thank you, daddy
>>(kenobi) replied: I hate all of you

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
can you believe it was sand that saved the galaxy??? the whole time we thought it would be Anakin, but it was actually, his arch nemesis. crazy.

~°~

CORUSCANT GOSSIP:
∆ War halts to a sudden stop with Chancellor Palpatine dead and double identity uncovered! CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!
∆ Mon Mothma STUNS in a sleek, all white ensemble during her inauguration speech as the new Chancellor of the Republic! CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE INAUGURATION!
∆ Is this the end of everyone's favorite #cloneposting? What exactly is going to happen with clone soldiers now that the war is ending? READ MORE HERE!
∆ Peace talks with CIS to start in comings months! Count Dooku to lead the negotiations! CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!
∆ Coruscanti streets come alive with celebrations! CLICK HERE FOR THE LIVE FEED!
∆ Jedi Master Obi-wan Kenobi caught on tape kissing Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker! CLICK HERE TO WATCH [REAL FOOTAGE]!!!

  ~°~

(master.of.the.order) posted:
[A selfie in a hospital bed.]
I lived, bitch.

Chapter Text

Private messages from (Snips):
Ahsoka: where's master kenobi?? I need to talk to him
Anakin: he's being grilled by the Council for possible misconduct 
Ahsoka: w
Ahsoka: what 
Anakin: they want to know if he didn't bad touch me when I was a minor 🙄
Anakin: u know, since that footage leaked of us kissing
Ahsoka: [A picture of Anakin in his ugly Padawan haircut.]
Ahsoka: u mean when u looked like that??Ahsoka: please
Ahsoka: no one would even buy you
Anakin: right? They won't listen to me and need to "make sure no abuse of power took place"
Anakin: hold up 
Anakin: that was so fucking rude, Padawan 😑 who raised you??
Anakin: don't answer that
Anakin: I'll have you know many people wanted to buy me
Ahsoka: that's actually pretty sad 😳
Anakin: anyways, they should be interrogating ME instead, force only knows how many times I wanted to bad touch him... especially when he had long hair??? he looked so good with long hair, you don't even know 😩
Ahsoka: I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN
Ahsoka: I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT UR DEPRAVED WAYS

~°~

Private message to (Windy):
Anakin: are u done with this bullshit yet? 
Mace: stop texting me, I'm holding court
Anakin: I can tell you right away that obi-wan's innocent in everything
Anakin: It was all me. And that video was an accident
Anakin: for which I am 
Anakin: Force, this is making me nauseous 
Mace: ...
Anakin: for which I am s o r r y
Anakin: there. I said it 🤕
Mace: so you both tripped and accidentally started making out?
Anakin: many such cases

~°~

CORUSCANT GOSSIP:
∆Decorated Jedi Generals, Obi-wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker CONFIRM the dating rumors! READ MORE HERE!
∆Will the Coalition survive? Newly reelected CIS Senate holds it's first session! CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE PUBLIC TRANSMISSION!
∆ Despite the peace treaty signed last week by Chancellor Mon Mothma and the acting leader of CIS, Count Jan Dooku of Seranno, third parties continue to wage destruction in both CIS and Republic territories! CLICK HERE TO READ!
∆Shooting of season 16 of "Unnatural", a beloved Mandalorian TV show resumes after war ends! CLICK HERE TO WATCH!
∆New threat arises! One of the biggest war profiteers, the Hutt Empire, destroys recently established Coalition outposts on Telos 3! Rumors of CIS and Republic forces being deployed to take back the planetoid... CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!
∆Bail Organa of Alderaan to lead a Clone Assimilation Project! READ MORE HERE!

~°~

Private message to (Angel ❤️):
Anakin: [link]
Anakin: what the fuck is that Tattooinne Revitalization Plan you're "putting  together"???
Padmé: Oh, that. I've been meaning to tell you!
Padmé: We're toying with the idea of what to do with the Hutt territories after you, you know...
Padmé: Eviscerate them.
Anakin: what happened to diplomatic effort
Padmé: After some careful consideration, I have decided that it is a worthless effort and they should be destroyed. 
Padmé: I honestly don't know what I was thinking considering a compromise about the slave trade.
Padmé: There will be no compromise.

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
[A picture of a Sarlacc pit with it's gaping mouth filled with colorful plastic balls in a bad Photoshop job.]
@padmè.naberrie this is my submission to the Tattoine Revitalization Plan Committee 
(...)
(commander.tano) replied: it sucks
>(a.skywalker) replied: thank you Padawan, for ur useless opinion
(commander.tano) replied: also, you misspelled tatooine 
>(a.skywalker) replied: I misspelled trashooine out of disrespect
(padmè.naberrie) replied: Okay, so, when I said "there's no bad ideas", I was actually lying

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of the clone troopers and drones playing soccer. Obi-wan and Ventress are looking over the match from the sides, while Anakin plays the referee.] 
just to be clear I still hate that bitch 

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of Ventress turning around to look at her. Ahsoka instinctively hisses behind camera. Ventress gives her the finger. Ahsoka drops the holorecorder, trying to give her TWO fingers.]

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted: 
off to the worst place in the known universe I guess. the minute I feel triggered I'm blowing it tf up

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of Obi-wan, dressed like a smuggler, standing at the entrance to the cockpit of their ship. Camera pans to Anakin, who's staring at him like a cow that just saw a beautiful grassy field for the first time in her life.]
I can almost hear ur spit hitting the floor 🙄
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: it wouldn't be spit 
>(commander.tano) replied: I'm calling child protection services

(kenobi) posted:
[A video of Ahsoka beating Anakin up with her bare fists.]
Whatever it was, I'm sure he deserved it.

~°~

CORUSCANT GOSSIP:
∆ 700 years of slavery! The dark, bloody history of Tatooine, the birthplace of General Anakin Skywalker! CLICK HERE TO READ!
∆ CIS forces chase the Hutts off Tetha Rhi! CLICK HERE TO WATCH!
∆ Mace Windu breaks his silence! "Shut up about Kenobi and Skywalker! Shut up about them! I've had enough!" CLICK HERE TO READ!
∆ Sy Snoodles overdoses? Popular pop star taken to the hospital by an ambulance! Menager of the hotel she was staying in at the time refuses to comment! CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

~°~

(commander.tano) posted: 
[A video of Anakin and Obi-wan sitting together by the fire. Obi-wan is holding Anakin's hand between his own and rubbing it for warmth. Anakin is falling asleep on his shoulder.]
right in front of my krayt jerky 

(commander.tano) posted: 
[A short video of Anakin kicking a piece of metal scrap on a junkyard, then putting hands on his hips and staring at the suns.]
he's angry, because the "love-meter" he found on the holonet told him he and master obi-wan are only 52% compatible basing on their names... 

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:

I'm doing so good this month? feeling extra moisturized, idk 😌

(commander.tano) posted:

[A picture of Anakin, dirty and bloody, chilling with a boba at the encampment.]

he killed two Hutts today and he's drinking boba not even an hour later

(...)

(fivesfivesfives) replied: proud to say this is my general 😤😤

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of herself and Anakin, faces smushed together to fit the frame. Both are sporting a new piercing - Anakin in his eyebrow, Ahsoka in her nose.]
✨matching✨

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Ahsoka and Obi-wan, baring their shoulders to show new tattoos of the Open Circle Fleet.]
✨matchy-matchy✨

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Anakin sitting on the tattoo artist chair, eyes closed, pale like a sheet. The chiss woman sitting by him did not even start working on his arm.]
he wanted to be included but he's so weak lmaooooo 

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of Fives, fidgeting at his seat by the fire. The desert is lit up by the moon.]
he's got sand in his ass 😂😂😂
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: classic tattoine experience

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Anakin looking smug in his desert grab.]
He's happy because everyone's experiencing some sort of sand-related annoyances
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: you guys laughed at me for this
>(a.skywalkrer) replied: NOW WHO'S LAUGHING 😈😈
>>(fivesfivesfives) replied: no one, we're literally all going through it 

(commander.tano)
this is still better than arrakis 
(...)
(fivesfivesfives) replied: what's arrakis
(commander.tano) replied: it's, like
>(commander.tano) replied: a planet made of cocaine 
>>(commander.tano) replied: so, one time me n skyguy accidentally went through a worm hole and had to emergency land on that shithole. he got into a knifefight with some bald freak like 30mins after landing
>>>(a.skywalker) replied: oh yeah, I remember that. worst high of my life
>>>>(kenobi) replied: Was this when you came to me crying about a king of worms trying to eat you in revenge for eating his children?
>>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: no such event ever took place

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
[A picture of himself posing by a small, framed poster of his 9 year old self next to a podracer, after he just won the Boonta Eve.]
still the ONLY human who managed to win this shit ever 😏

(commander.tano) posted: 
[A picture of Obi-wan taking Anakin's picture by that poster.]
imagine peaking at 9 😳

~°~

(padmé.naberrie) liked this post!

(kenobi) posted:
[A picture of the 212th batallion doing some construction work on Tatooine.]
We'll finish with the hospital before the sandstorms season. This is phenomenal work, thank you to all who helped. It's finally starting to feel like we're getting somewhere!

Chapter Text

(commander.tano) posted: 
[A video of a transporter ships being unloaded by droids and clones. The crates of soil are moved underground, inside the cave system.]
Padmé shipped like a gazillion tons of soil for the underground gardens we're making< it's going to be so cool

(commander.tano) posted: 
[A video of Ventress walking down the ramp.]
BUT WHY DID THIS BITCH ASSHOLE HAD TO DELIVER IT I'M GOING TO THROW HANDS FUCK BUILDING BRIDGES

(kenobi) posted:
[A video of Ahsoka and Ventress taking turns in giving each other the finger. Ahsoka does a pirouette with hers. Ventress takes a few steps back and does a cartwheel wth hers. Ahsoka looks awed for a second, before jumping on a nearby speeder and charging her next one with a perfectly executed somersault.]
Isn't this a bit too much?

(a.skywalker) posted: 
[A video of Obi-wan and Ahsoka, looking through the local market for some trinkets.
Obi-wan: I just think you should be a bigger person...
Ahsoka: Absolutely not, I'm cursing her entire bloodline.]
I birthed this child with my own body 😩

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Obi-wan sitting hunched down in front of a cave. He has his face in his hands.]
he teared up, because we managed to fully grow a lettuce on this dust ball of a planet 🥺🥺

~°~

972 milion people liked this!

(kenobi) posted: 
[A picture of a singular iceberg lettuce.]

~°~

(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) posted:
I need a man to be my dog
(...)
(jedi.shadow.007) replied: hey 
>(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) replied: no

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of a Jawa merchant brawling with R2D2.]
they got history or something?? it was on sight 😭

(commander.tano) posted:
[Video of herself, hiding behind a rock formation next to Obi-wan, while they're under gunfire. Tusken Rider's angry calls can be heard above it.]
tough crowd :|

(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) posted:
a man's place is face down ass up
(...)
(jedi.shadow.007) replied: so true 

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of Ventress in a torn t-shirt with some kind of deathmetal band name on it.]
Life could be so much worse. For example, I could be a Hot Topic victim

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of Ventress and Voss making out in an alley of some sort.]
wow
(...)
(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) replied: ...
>(xXwitch_of_dathomirXx) replied: his kicked puppy demeanor and easily manipulatable ways got to me 

~°~

(jedi.shadow.007) posted:
[Picture of young Han Solo sitting in a ship's kitchen with a cup of blue hot chocolate, looking shell shocked, face black with soot.]
anyone wants this thing? he crawled under the goddamn reactor casing, burned his fucking eyebrows, almost died, the idiot. he would do great in the mines probably

(jedi.shadow.007) posted:
[A picture of Han in the Temple hangar, staring with shining eyes at the decommissioned Star Destroyers.]
nevermind, put him to work at the hangar
(...)
(commander.tano) replied: free child labor I guess 👍
>(jedi.shadow.007) replied: I mean he seems to enjoy it?

~°~

(fivesfivesfives) posted: 
[A video of Ventress and Ahsoka standing next to each other by the transporter. 
Ventress: I hope we'll never see each other again, you little asshole.
Ahsoka: Yeah, and I hope you fall down a reactor shaft, bitch.]
they want to be friends so bad it makes them look stupid

Chapter Text

(echo-location12863) posted:
[A video compilation of Fives doing the jerking off motion whenever he's heard Palpatine speak.]
[This post has been deleted!]
[Reason: political extremism.]

~°~

(one-fear) posted:
[A picture of Obi-wan taken from the back.] 
whats his problem why is his waist so small
(...)
(securimom) replied: get a grip
>(one-fear) replied: do you think if I gripped it in both hands my fingers would touch
>>(securimom) replied: I'm reporting this to the authorities
[This post has been deleted by author!]

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted: 
Obi-wan's Official Mole Count updated to 26! New additions: left ankle. 
(...)
(kenobi) replied: my what now
[This post has been deleted by author!]

Private message to (Aayla 🌊):
Anakin: [screenshot]
Anakin: I AM sleep deprived after all who would've thought 
Anakin: I was meant to send it to you
Aayla: Yeah I gathered 
Aayla: What can I say except:
Aayla: 😂😂😂😂😂
Aayla: now go to sleep 

~°~

(commander.tano) posted: 
[Picture of Ventress.]
anyone knows who this mf is? I'm interested in calling her a slur 
[This post has been deleted!]
[Reason: hate speech.]

~°~

(echo-location12863) posted: 
Why is every single one of my posts that critiques the regime under which we all live getting deleted?? 
[This post has been deleted!]
[Reason: hate speech.]

(echo-location12863) posted: 
Oh I'm sorry I thought this was a free speech website that sure seems to be quite an elastic term nowadays, huh??
[This post has been deleted!]
[Reason: hate speech.]

(echo-location12863) posted:
You won't silence me
[This post has been deleted!]
[Reason: hate speech.]

~°~

(commander.tano) liked this post!

(a.skywalker) posted:
my master is mad at me. I hope I die
[This post has been deleted by author!]

~°~

(securimom) posted:
[Picture of Anakin standing between Padmè and Obi-wan, evidently being made fun of.]
@a.skywalker do you sometimes think you might have a tendency to bite more than you can chew?
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: no, I have a big mouth, I can chew a lot. no gag reflex either, btw
>(securimom) replied: no gag reflex? 😏😏
>>(a.skywalker) replied: yeah I learned that by sucking dick
>>>(securimom) replied: did you learn that by sucking dick or something 🤣
>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: 🤨
>>>>>(securimom) replied: right  
>>>>>>(securimom) replied: also I just realized this is a public conversation 💀
[This post has been deleted by author!]

~°~

(theogclonesoldier) posted:
[A picture of Padmè in a skin tight black bondage dress.]
Might goof around and have a consensual workplace relationship 😔
[This post has been deleted by author!]

~°~

(jedi.shadow.007) posted:
[Picture of Ventress, in the middle of fighting, snarling.]
I know she's a darksider or whatever but is she into men? 
(...)
(master.of.the.order) replied: Let's have a word in private.
[This post has been deleted by author!]

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted: 
I firmly believe that having sex with your sworn brother isn't even gay. unless he has beautiful blue eyes. 
[This post has been deleted by author!]

~°~

(master.of.the.order) posted:
I will never say it again but sometimes Skywalker's questionable methods produce undeniable results
[This post has been deleted by author!]

(master.of.the.order) posted:
[A screenshot of 32 messages from Anakin.]
Changed my mind actually.

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
Masted yoda said I talk too much about killing myself and should try looking at the positives from time to time at least. So, here goes... it's the third year of war and I have seen more death and suffering than like 99% people in this galaxy. And even after all that... I'm still horny 😔

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted: 
do y'all think I'm weird and autistic? be honest
[This post has been deleted by author!]

(a.skywalker) posted: 
I did not like these answers. try again

~°~

(jedi.shadow.007) posted:
[A 10 minute long holo of Obi-wan smoking three whole deathsticks in a row, while staring into space and saying absolutely nothing.]
he just realized he's caught feelings 
[This post has been deleted by author!]

Chapter Text

Naboo Handmaiden's Group Chat:

Tekla: You guys ever wanted to live a different life?
Yanè: Such as?
Tekla: I don't know, like get married and have kids? 
Yanè: I am a highly trained shadow ninja warrior and protector of a high ranking senator. why the Fuck would I want to be a man's wife instead?
Tekla: You know what, when you put it like that...

~°~

Naboo Handmaiden's Group Chat:

Ranè: Guys I need to speak my truth
Sachè: The forum is yours sister 🙌
Ranè: Thank you sister
Ranè: This wig
Ranè: [A picture of Padmè in a rather square-looking wig during a senate session.]
Ranè: Is so ugly 
Ranè: And I'm TIRED of pretending it's not

 
~°~

Naboo Handmaiden's Group Chat:

Sachè: Guys I need y'all to cover for me
Sachè: I'm dressing up as Padmè and going to Guigino's 
Sachè: They have this viral eclairs that I reeeeeallly want to try...
Sachè: And the waiting list is waaaay too long :/
Yanè: Okay I'll cover for you but I want one 

~°~

Naboo Handmaiden's Group Chat:

Sabè: Hey, where are the spare datapads?
Sachè: You're back! How was the diplomatic mission with master Kenobi? 👀
Sabè: Good. He's a fantastic conversationalist.
Ranè: Yeah I always thought he would be. Good at using his tongue I mean.
Sabè: I see nothing changed during my absence. Filth as usual 🙄
Ranè: Yeah well
Ranè: ...I actually have nothing to defend me with. 

~°~

Naboo Handmaiden's Group Chat:

Eiratè: Soooo... Anakin. Thoughts? Opinions?
Tekla: Pretty! 
Ranè: Seems a little gay, though...? 
Yabè: Right. Not to mention - blonde. I'm sure we can do better?
Giselè: I always thought his hair was chestnut brown...?
Yabè: I am also sensing some daddy issues. 
Sachè: And not sure how I feel about him being in a religious cult 🤔
Tekla: Still pretty, though! 
Eiratè: He's not gonna last anyways, so whatever makes Padmè happy, right? 
Yanè: I'll drink to that
Sabè: I do not CARE for Anakin

~°~

Naboo Handmaiden's Group Chat:

Eiratè: THEY FUCKING
Sachè: Ya we know 
Eiratè: No
Eiratè: THEY FUCKING WENT AND GOT MARRIED IN SECRET
Eiratè: Sorry, my comm fell on my face
Yanè: Wait what??
Sachè: They did what
Eiratè: 😭😭
Ranè: Did y'all hear that loud ass noise just now??
Tekla: Sabè broke a vase
Ranè: Oh. yikes.
Yanè: Can we go back to the topic?? Fuck you mean they went and got married?? There was no notice
Eiratè: Yeah, that's why I said 'in secret"
Eiratè: Honestly, idk what she was thinking
Yanè: She wasn't, most likely. 
Tekla: He's too pretty, I told you guys! that's Padmè's only weakness 😞
Ranè: Hey can someone go check on sabè? it's been awfully quiet for the last three minutes...
Sabè: We should've removed him when we had the chance

~°~

Naboo Handmaiden's Group Chat:

Cordè has removed (Sabè) from the group chat!
Yanè: Uh-oh?
Cordè: Just for a moment
Cordè: So, can we address the elephant in the room?
Cordè: The elephant being Sabè's ginormous crush on Padmè? 
Tekla: She has one.
Cordè: Yeah, like, are we going to do something about it or...?
Tekla: Like what?
Cordè: Is it not a violation of the contract?
Tekla: Idk I didn't read it haha 
Cordè: Okay, wow. Life and death stuff and you didn't read it??
Tekla: It was fifty six pages long! who reads that kind of stuff?
Yanè: You signed it!
Tekla: ...yeah
Yanè: :|
Tekla: :|
Eiratè: I also haven't read it.
Cordè: ...
Cordè: Is there anyone here who read it? 
Cordè: Hello?
Tekla: Wow. Bunch of annoying bitches in glass houses throwing stones 🙄
Yanè: ...
Cordè: So what are we doing with the crush
Eiratè: Let's just see how it goes
Sachè: One time I heard her tell Padmè that "she can order her to her death and she'd go"
Yanè: Damn. She has it bad 😳
Ranè: Ngl it would be way more romantic if it wasn't literally in the contract

~°~

Naboo Handmaiden's Group Chat:

Eiratè: THEY FUCKING
Yanè: In the apartment? man c'mon I wanted to watch Keeping up with the Bonteris!! 
Eiratè: THEY FUCKING GOT DIVORCED 
Yanè: 💀
Eiratè: Sorry, I thought it would be funny
Yanè: No it low-key was
Yanè: It's been like a year, though. She dated Clovis longer wow
Ranè: Is it because he's gay
Eiratè: I don't know to be honest
Sachè: Where's @sabè? She needs to hear the good news!!
Eiratè: Sabè is already on cheer up duty. Like she wouldn't be the first to know
Cordè: Its like a shadow has been lifted from the force... 

~°~

Naboo Handmaiden's Group Chat:

Sachè: Conflicting news, everyone!
Sachè: Master Kenobi cut his hair
Sachè: [Picture]
Ranè: ...
Ranè: I'm touching myself tonight
Sachè: Alright then, not as conflicting as I thought

~°~

Naboo Handmaiden's Group Chat:

Sachè: Is sabè with any of you? I can't find her
Eiratè: Ah, no, sabè... she's no longer with us.
Yanè: she's gone for good 
Sachè: What??
Ranè: She's had a terrible accident
Sachè: What happened??
Eiratè: She tripped... 😔
Ranè: and landed face first in Padmè's vagina 
Eiratè: Hasn't been able to get up 
Yanè: So sad 
Ranè: She will be missed. 

Chapter Text

*All the Star Wars Lore in this fic is pulled directly from my ass!

Private message from [Angel ❤️]:
Padmé: Okay, don't freak out, but 👀
Padmé: I'm pregnant!
Anakin: what
Anakin: what do u mean? with what??
Padmé: A baby? Hopefully??
Anakin: oh
Anakin: It's not mine is it?
Padmè: How would it be yours, it's only a third month, we've split over a year ago!
Anakin: just making sure...
Anakin: is it, like, a "congratulations" or "my condolences" kind of a thing...?
Anakin: do you need a ride to a discreet clinic..?
Padmè: It's a happy occasion!
Anakin: Just covering all my bases!
Anakin: All that aside
Anakin: I'm so happy for you! Can I tell Obi-wan?
Padmè: 🙄
Padmè: We would have never worked.
Padmè: You may tell Obi-wan.

~°~

Private message from [Anakin]:
Anakin: Obi-wan
Anakin: There's a child on the way
Obi-wan: ...
Obi-wan: On the way to where?
Anakin: the world?
Obi-wan: Are you saying you're having a child? 
Anakin: Yes
Anakin: No, wait
Anakin: No, Padmè is having a child, I'm going to be an uncle 😌
Obi-wan: Right
Anakin: Did you think I was pregnant?
Obi-wan: For a moment of insanity, yes
Obi-wan: I was about to look up abortion clinics 
Anakin: I offered Pads the same thing haha 😆 
Anakin: wait, are you saying you don't want to raise a child with me?
Obi-wan: When was the last time you had younglings duty? 
Anakin: ugh don't remind me
Anakin: ...
Anakin: okay, I see your point

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
YALL I'M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE 
(...)
(padmè.naberrie) replied: 🙄

(a.skywalker) posted:
what does an uncle even do?
(...)
(ct-rex) replied: buys crazy annoying gifts 
>(a.skywalker) replied: it's like I was born for this

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[*A video of Padmé and Anakin sitting on the couch together, while Sabè, Obi-wan and a few of their friends chatt around.*
Anakin, gesturing with his neon green-colored heavily alcoholic drink: So, for a boy, I was thinking, Harrrashka. It's wookie, it means "a great warrior who will conquer the Everforest". Or, and hear me out on this one, Kashyylummar. It directly translates to "he who lights up Kashyyyk".
Padmé: Why in the world would I want to name my son "he who lights up Kashyyyk"?
Anakin: Why wouldn't you? You have to give him the strongest name, so he could one day be the strongest warrior...
Padmé: I'm revoking all your naming privileges.
Sabè: You can't revoke something he doesn't have in the first place. 
Anakin: But it's objectively such a cool name! 
Padmé: Well, perhaps not for a human baby. As much as I appreciate our Wookie friends, he'll be ten before he can even pronounce that correctly...
Anakin: Okay, no Wookie names, got it. You know how else has strong names? The Chiss.
Obi-wan: *laughing into his glass*
Anakin: I once met this one guy on Mokivj, his name was Mitth'raw'nuruodo...
Padmè: I am revoking them.
Anakin: Whatever, name him Mike or something. Just don't come crying to me when he grows up to be a farmer...]
(...)
(fivesfivesfives) replied: thank the gods he's not having that baby with her. that poor thing would end up named after R2D2 
>(a.skywalker) replied: damn I should've thought about this

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A video of Padmè holding up a pair of tiny, blue and pink Jedi uniforms with a mild expression. Anakin is excitedly looking for her reaction.]
I don't think she liked it 😂 😂 

~°~

(random.citizen.283737) posted:
[A video of Anakin and Obi-wan making out in an alley.]
Our fucking taxes hard at work...
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: literally lmao

~°~

(commander.tano) posted:
[A picture of the trio, with Ashoka in the middle. She's wearing a new outfit, resembling theirs, made of both light and dark colors.]
Guess who just got KNIGHTED!!!

(commander.tano) posted:
wait

(commander.tano) changed their name to (knight.tano)!

(knight.tano) posted:
[Picture of the trio, with Anakin in the middle.]
It's also officially Master Skywalker now...

(knight.tano) posted:
[A picture of Ayala and Anakin lying under the bar table, drunk off their asses.]
...which I'm not sure he deserves. 

~°~

Private messages from [Anakin]:
Anakin: just so you know, if I COULD babytrap you, I'd do it
Obi-wan: ???
Obi-wan: On second thought, I am not even surprised. 
Anakin: would you let me do it?
Obi-wan: ...perhaps.
Anakin: nice 
Obi-wan: Thankfully, it is not possible. 
Anakin: well, through the Force everything is possible, so 
Anakin: watch out
Obi-wan: ???

~°~

(boilin-the-water) posted:
I have been commenting "❤️🏳️‍🌈" under every single post waxer makes, so girls don't like him and I get a girlfriend first
(...)
(they-call-me-waxer-cuz-i-be-waxin) replied: what the fuck
>(fivesfivesfives) replied: what are you even waxing gay boy
(knight.tano) replied: don't you two have a child together
>(boilin-the-water) replied: what's that got to do with anything? 

~°~

(corugoss.official) posted:
A few unpublished clips of a Kenobi/Skywalker interview:
[Interviewer: A real question is - can the lightsaber be used as a sex toy?]
[Camera pans to Anakin's considering and Obi-wan's befuddled faces.]
[A minute long clip of Obi-wan lecturing the interviewer about the dangers of using a lightsaber, while Anakin is laughing at his side.]
[Anakin: I mean, technically speaking-...
Obi-wan: Do not finish that sentence, Anakin.
Anakin: ...if you turn on safety and lower the power enough...]
[Another minute-long clip of Obi-wan lecturing Anakin on the safety protocols.]

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
[A picture of him and young Han Solo fixing a speeder.]
@kenobi I am adopting him and it's final
(...)
(kenobi) replied: Is that the pathetic life form Quinn found in the garbage chute? 
>(a.skywalker) replied: *in the reactor, and don't talk like that about our son
>>(kenobi) replied: I didn't sign any adoption papers.
>>>(a.skywalker) replied: I forged your signature 
>>>>(kenobi) replied: ...

Chapter Text

Private message from [Angel 💛]:
Padmé: I don't know how, but I just know you are somewhat responsible for my children being force sensitive, I just KNOW 😑
Anakin: the force... works in mysterious ways...

~°~

(corugoss.official) posted:
Duchess Satine Kryze attends annual Jedi Week at Coruscant with nephew, Korkie Kryze! Is the ancient feud between the Jedi and the Mandalorians coming to a peaceful resolution once and for all? SEE PHOTOS HERE!
(...)
(fivesfivesfives) replied: @knight.tano @echo-location-2918 @boilin-the-water y'all... do you see this kid? am I tweaking or does he look like general Kenobi...?
>(echo-location-2918) replied: no, I see the vision haha 
>(boilin-the-water) replied: the face structure looks very similar??
>(knight.tano) replied: nobody show that to Skyguy lmao
>>(fivesfivesfives) replied: @a.skywalker General, what do you think of this
>>>(knight.tano) replied: bRO 
>>>(a.skywalker) replied: I think all of you have too much time on your hands 
>>>(a.skywalker) replied: they look nothing alike 🙄

Private message from [Anakin]:
Anakin: [link]
Anakin: what the fuck is this?
Anakin: he looks exactly like you
Obi-wan: Ah
Anakin: "Ah"?? 
Obi-wan: That is not my son.
Anakin: then why does he look like you
Obi-wan: He's just ginger, Anakin, we're not all related. Are you being racist about ginger people?
Anakin: What? No, I love ginger people. Many of my friends, in fact, are ginger.
Obi-wan: Like who?
Anakin: well, you for start
Obi-wan: And finish 🤨
Anakin: ...
Anakin: master Windu. 
Obi-wan: He's not ginger
Anakin: you don't know that. he could be
Obi-wan: I'm ending this discussion.
Anakin: Chewbacca 
Obi-wan: I am ending it.

~°~

(knight.tano) posted:
@kenobi @a.skywalker when are you two getting married? 
(...)
(kenobi) replied: We're not.
>(knight.tano) replied: what?? why??
>>(kenobi) replied: You should ask Anakin.
>>>(knight.tano) replied: @a.skywalker ??
>>>>(a.skywalker) replied: unmarried couples have 0% divorce rate, while for married ones it's about 55%. I can't risk that
>>>>>(knight.tano) replied: that's a really strong contender for the stupidest thing you've said this year, skyguy 

~°~

(kenobi) posted:
[A picture of the Starchaser Part II movie poster. General Kaneri is clinging to General Starchaser in this one, both hands pressed to his abs. She's in a traditional female action heroine pose again - chest and butt both facing the camera.]
Why is this forceforsaken skirt even shorter!? Which absolute degenerate is doing this to me?!

~°~

(padmé.naberrie) posted:
[A picture of a Jedi brochure sneaked into one of her potted plants, another laying on the coffee table.]
@master.of.the.order Mace, I need you to stop doing this. 
(...)
(master.of.the.order) replied: huh. how did these get in there 

~°~

(knight.tano) posted:
[*A video of Anakin, Luke and Leia (about five years old), sitting cross-legged on the carpet. Obi-wan is reading a book on the couch and Han is watching them, eating hot Cheetos.*
Anakin: Alright, who can tell me what was the most important thing about today's lessons?
Luke and Leia, glancing at each other: Midi-chlorians are the powerhouse of the Force.
Anakin: No. 
*Obi-wan closes his eyes and sighs deeply, but doesn't comment. Han is choking on a Cheeto.*]
I'm dying in here lmao 😂 

~°~

Private message from [Wife👑]:
Padmè: Are you with Leia right now?
Sabè: Yeah, why?
Padmè: You're not teaching her how to shoot again, are you?
Sabè: No
Padmè: Okay, good 😊
Sabè: This time I'm teaching her to kill
Padmè: She's 5
Sabè: Never too early for that.

~°~

Private message from [Master💕]:
Obi-wan: Guess who I just had to bail out of jail again 
Anakin: Commander Cody?
Obi-wan: Funny
Obi-wan: Guess again
Anakin: What did he do this time?
Obi-wan: Stole a speeder 
Anakin: whew
Anakin: what model?
Obi-wan: that's your first question?
Anakin: What? You know I love speeders
Obi-wan: 🙄
Obi-wan: Seneca RX13b 
Anakin: I like how you knew the exact model 😆
Anakin: damn. at least he's got taste?
Obi-wan: Sure, at least there's that.
Obi-wan: That's not all, though.
Obi-wan: He stole it to join an illegal racing event in lower levels
Anakin: damn
Obi-wan: ...
Obi-wan: Anakin.
Anakin: yea?
Obi-wan: Tell me you're not proud of him for that.
Anakin: IT'S SO HARD TO NOT BE PROUD OF HIM RIGHT NOW
Anakin: HE'S LITERALLY SO COOL😭
Obi-wan: Why am I even trying

~°~

Coruscant Gossip:

∆75+ Most Popular baby names in 982ARR! The new trend of naming babies after famed Jedi Generals reaches It's peak. CAN YOU GUESS which names made it to the TOP 3...? CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

∆JEDI WEEK approaches! Each year, for exactly one week, the Jedi Temple opens their doors to the public and allows regular citizens to experience the Jedi lifestyle for a few days... READ MORE HERE! 

∆Senator of Naboo, Padmè Amidala SPOTTED with fiance on a holiday retreat on Alderaan! Pictures +16 CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

∆Only 4 and already the people's darling! Leia Naberrie crowned "Princess" by the holonauts...! CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

∆Annual Jedi Week, in which the Temple becomes open to the public, approaches! We've reached to Mace Windu for some more information on this year's event...! Pictures +21 CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

∆SCANDAL in the Senate! Count Dooku, who recently stepped down from the position of CIS Chancellor, CAUGHT IN FLAGRANTE with a Jedi Master, Jocasta Nu! How long was this secret romance blooming in the shadows...? CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

∆A question still stands: WHEN will Obi-wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker finally tie the knot? CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

∆New season of Game of Worlds approaches! Fans excited to see how the Mother of Krayt Dragons will fare after leaving Tatooine! Will the White Wolf return to the living or will he stay in his icy grave on Hoth? SEE TRAILER HERE!

~°~

Private message from [Wife🗡️]:
Sabè: they think they're identical twins
Sabè: [A picture of Luke and Leia, with their clothes swapped.]
Sabè: Leia's thinks she managed to successfully convince me she is her brother 
Padmè: Oh my god 
Sabè: they glued bread to Luke's head 
Sabè: [A picture of Luke's hair, two pretzels stuck to it, one holding on by a thread.]
Sabè: the attention to details? astounding
Padmè: Stop, I'm going to cry in a senate meeting 😭
Sabè: she thinks she's so smart
Sabè: [A picture of Leia's smug face.]
Padmè: STOP sending me this, I'm speaking in 10 minutes
Sabè: okay, okay 
Sabè: but play along when you come back, I want to see where this goes
Padmè: You don't even have to ask

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted: 
can't believe I was fighting a war like four years ago and now I'm printing brochures. It's weird, I feel weird
(...)
(knight.tano) replied: right? I don't even remember most of it
>(fivesfivesfives) replied: yeah, me neither. it's so weird, cause I still Remember, you know?
>>(knight.tano) replied: yeah, no, I get that. sometimes I see master Kenobi just staring into a wall for unsettling amounts of time. next monent he's fine 

~°~

(knight.tano) posted:
[A video of Anakin giving a tour to a bunch of civilians, feeding them completely wrong information about the Temple. The Padawan assisting him looks like he's in pain.]
people try to pay extra to get into his group just to be gaslighted 😔

(knight.tano) posted:
[A video of a meditation group led by Master Kenobi in an ambient chamber. It's made up mostly of women. They're sitting in silence on the floor.]
every year he instructs groups in meditation, but little do y'all know, he does it just so he didn't have to talk to anyone  

(knight.tano) posted:
[A video of some random lightsaber duels demonstrations, haphazardly edited together.]
I'm in this one hehe

(knight.tano) posted:
[A video of Master Yoda entertaining children by lifting rocks with the Force at the Room Of The Thousand Fountains.]
"Not for lifting shit for fun, the Force exists, Padawan.", he told me once upon a time ago 😒

(knight.tano) posted:
[A video of Master Fisto levitating a child, much to their amusement and a visible distress of their mother.]
😂 

(knight.tano) posted:
[A video of Mace Windu lecturing the older Padawans who volunteered for an exchange program with the Force Temple on the CIS territory.
Mace: And no funny business with these Gray Jedi boys, do you understand me? I don't want anyone coming back pregnant again. Yes, Katooni?
Katooni: Is funny business with the girls allowed?
Mace: That's going to be Count Dooku's problem, so I do not care.]
whatever happens at the grey jedi temple stays at the gray jedi temple

(knight.tano) posted: 
[A video slowly zooming on Count Dooku and Master Jocasta, holding hands in the archives.]
GET A ROOOOM OMGGG

(master.of.the.order) posted:
Please keep an eye on your children, it is easy to get lost in the crowd!
(...)
(knight.tano) replied: unattended ones WILL  be sold
>(master.of.the.order) replied: Six days of younglings duty for you, Knight Tano

>>(knight.tano) replied: I'll make us a fortune selling those little goobers, don't worry Master 

~°~

(knight.tano) posted:
[*A video of Luke and Ahsoka drawing.
Ahsoka: What did you make, buddy? Is it for me?
Luke: Yeah! 
*Luke shows her the picture. Big, brightly colored letters spell out: CUNT. Somewhere outside the camera Anakin chokes and starts laughing.*
Ahsoka: What, um, what's that?
*Luke smiles cheerfully.*
Luke: Cee U Next Time! 
*A chair falls somewhere in the room, camera pans to Anakin, who's crawling on all fours, turning red from laughter, then goes back to Luke.*
Luke: Cee Uuu Next Time!
Ahsoka, choked: Thanks, buddy.]
help

(a.skywalker) posted:
[A picture of himself posing next to the fridge, with Luke's CUNT drawing plastered to it.]
Sadly, this years Jedi Week is over! Cee U Next Time!

Chapter Text

(echo-location386382) posted: 
[Picture of himself with a random analysis droid.]
just met the guy that was personally responsible for deleting all my posts, pretty cool dude. now we're going to battle at the back of Dex's 
(...)

(CT-rex) posted:
[A video of Echo locked in a hand to hand combat with an analysis droid and clearly losing.]
If you get hurt or arrested, please, PLEASE (!) For The Love Of The Force... do not come crying to me 
(...)

~°~

(knight.tano) posted: 
[A picture of Anakin talking to a droid.]
mr. homotron 3000 in his full black leather daily ensemble, 42 degrees outside and all 😮‍💨
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: yeah, well, some of us have respect for the aesthetic 
>(knight.tano) replied: what's the aesthetic?  sex dungeon janitor?

~°~

(knight.tano) posted:
[A video from Anakin and Obi-wan's kitchen. Anakin is pacing and holding a small box in his hand.
Anakin: A hair dye? How could you do this to me!?
Obi-wan: What do you mean 'to you'? It's for my hair!
Anakin: I worked so hard to give you those grey hairs! You want to undo all that! Do you hate me?
Obi-wan: Oh, for Force's sake, give it back!
Anakin: Over my cold, dead body.
*Obi-wan narrows his eyes at him before unlocking the lightsaber from his belt.*
Obi-wan: Alright. I will do what I must.
*Camera pans to Anakin's surprised face. He quickly collects himself and pulls out his own saber.*
Anakin: You will try.
Ahsoka: Okay, guys, that's enou-...
*Video ends.*]
(...)

(knight.tano) posted:
(A photo of Anakin and Obi-wan sitting together on the couch, doing mission briefings, Anakin's head laying in Obi-wan's lap.)
they are "not on speaking terms" or so I'm told 🙄
(...)

(knight.tano) posted:
[A video of Anakin and Han arguing about something in the distance. Ahsoka's camera pans to Obi-wan, reading on the couch.
Ahsoka: Hey, Master, what's going on?
Obi-wan: Teenage rebellion. 
Ahsoka, louder: Hell yeah! Han, stick it to the old people!!
Obi-wan's laughter can be heared from behind the camera.
Anakin: Who are you calling old?!]
they grow up so fast 🥹
(...)

(knight.tano) posted:
[A selfie with Han in front of a crashed speeder. In the back, Obi-wan is talking to some trandoshan guy.]
we just crashed (han's fault) and now obi-wan's trying to gaslight that poor guy into paying for our repairs lmaooooo 
(...)

(knight.tano) posted:
[A video of herself in the passenger seat with Obi-wan scolding them in the background.]
it worked!?!?!? sometimes I forget why they were calling him THE Negotiator. he could talk people into anything. 
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: he talked me into doing the dishes multiple times. ME! the power he has... it's actually crazy. 
(co.dy.mander) replied: I always tell you guys, we are really lucky he's on our side. 

(fivesfivesfives) posted:
[A video of 19yo Han and a 9yo twins sitting in the Dex's booth with Leia staring up at him with intense eyes. 
Leia: What's your favorite food?
Han: Pizza. 
Leia, after loudly slurping her mango juice: Why haven't you joined the army to defend the Republic?
Han's mouth falls open, Fives drops his comm.]
(...)

~°~

(call.me.kestis) posted:
@xX_merrin_Xx you're so sexy haha, wanna be my narrative foil?
(...)
(xX_merrin_Xx) replied: who is this 

~°~

(padmè.naberrie) posted:
[A mirror selfie with Sabè. Padmè is dressed in an elaborate jewel-colored robe that has at least five layers and makes her look like an exotic bird while Sabè stands next to her, resembling a black oil smear.]
In a toxic outfit gap relationship 😔
(...)

(theogclonesoldier) posted: 
why's there glitter INSIDE my blaster?
(...)

(padmè.naberrie) posted:
I don't think I saw my daughter not caked in grime or mud in at least two weeks 🥹
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: hold on, I might have something that will help with that!

(knight.tano) posted:
[A video of Luke and Leia playing with incredibly efficient, hand-made bubble guns that Anakin clearly made them himself. Camera pans to Padmè sitting on the couch behind them watching her living room get absolutely soaked. She turns to Anakin and silently mouths: "I am going to fucking kill you." Anakin grins.
Anakin: I forgot to tell you, guys, but you if you want some colorful bubbles, you have to add some paint to t-...
Padmè: Oh no! I think Uncle Anakin has to go home already! Before it gets too dark outside and he accidentally trips down the stairs and breaks his thin, vulnerable neck!]
(...)

~°~

(knight.tano) posted:
[A picture of her 14 years old self during the beginning of the Clone Wars.]
throwback to the time I was sent out to fight the war and thought that a tube top and a mini skirt was a great outfit for that 🫣 @a.skywalker WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME
(...)
(a.skywalker) replied: I thought you were making some feminist statement and I'll be honest with you - I didn't want to get in the way of that 
>(knight.tano) replied: 😭😭😭

(knight.tano) posted:
[A picture of her zygerrian outfit.]
this one kind of ate not gonna lie
(...)
(fivesfivesfives) replied: your slave outfit "kind of ate"?
>(knight.tano) replied: listen. it's problematic, but I slayed it. you have to admit that

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted:
[link] just got voted as the galaxy's most problematic bisexual representation!! thank you all!! ☺️
(...)
(knight.tano) replied: just so you know, I voted for ohnaka 
>(a.skywalker) replied: I always knew you'd betray me when it really mattered

~°~

(a.skywalker) posted: 
[Selfie with Obi-wan and a few others in the cinema.] Starchaser Saga Part III: Revenge of the Sith here we GO!!! (not sure about that title tho haha) 🎉🎉🎉

(a.skywalker) posted: 
well 
(...)

(a.skywalker) posted: 
not sure what I think about my stand-in turning evil and restoring the sith empire. it seems a bit dramatic. then again I can't speak for my actions if obi-wan died, I might've slaughtered billions too. honestly, yeah, that's probably what would happen. I can see myself in this situation.
(...)
(knight.tano) replied: okay so that one was an inside thought
(...)

(kenobi) posted:
they disrespected this woman in every way possible, made her abandon her life goals, beliefs and ambitions to become a wife and a mother and then killed her off. she died in childbirth? no one dies in childbirth on coruscant! "she lost the will to live" oh COME ON
(...)

(kenobi) posted:
at least it's over.
(...)
(knight.tano) replied: I'm sorry master, but they have sequels planned
>(kenobi) replied: I won't be in them, so I don't care
>>(knight.tano) replied: yeah, um, the actress is listed in the cast. and there's rumors that she did survive after all, so it's probably not going to be a flashback scene... 😬
>>>(kenobi) replied: The universe is very cruel to me.
>>>>(kenobi) replied: I take back what I said before. She should've died in childbirth. 

(fivesfivesfives) posted: 
yeah these are going to become cult classics, lads, mark my words 
(...)

(a.skywaker) posted:
[A picture of himself in a merch tshirt with the movie still of General Starchaser burned to a crisp on Mustafar after his big crash-out.]
lmao get rekt movie me
(...)