Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I only found this one, do you think it will-”

Colin stops in his tracks and Ryan has to hide his face in the scarf his roommate forced him to wear earlier. It doesn’t last long because Colin initiates eye contact almost immediately. 

“What did you do to it?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah, right,” Colin says as he gets closer to the snowman, observing it. “What happened to his head?”

Ryan sways a little side to side, face still half hidden. 

“I was trying to make the head a little smaller,” he finally admits. 

Colin sighs. “Your hands, I swear to God.”

Ryan can only nod and watch as Colin starts shaping the snowman’s head back to the way it was before, just a little smaller. His hands are wet from the snow and red from the cold and Ryan wishes he can just warm them up-

Gloves.

Gloves are for that. 

“You should wear your gloves.”

Colin gives Ryan a look because yeah, that was random. 

“I mean,” Ryan says as he brings his hand up to rub at the back of his head. “So that your hands don’t freeze.”

Colin chuckles. “Well, if somebody hadn’t tried to mess with the snowman, I would have been wearing them right now.”

“I was trying to fix it!” Ryan tries to justify, but he also knows Colin is just messing with him. 

“There,” Colin says, stepping away to admire his work. “Better?”

Ryan desperately wants to say “ no, you’ve made it worse”, but he can’t lie to Colin. 

“Yeah. You’re good at this.”

Ryan can’t tell if Colin’s blushing or if his cheeks are just cold, but he too is hiding his face in his scarf now. But instead of saying anything, he places the pot he brought with himself on the top of the snowman’s head.

“Do you think it’s a good fit for him?”

“I don’t think he’d care. But yeah, you picked a good one.”

“That’s the only one we had.”

‘Cause that makes more sense.

Ryan should really work on his reactions.

“Where did the carrot go?” Colin asks, looking around and eventually bending down to pick up the carrot they had previously brought down. He carefully sticks it into the snowman’s face and then looks at Ryan. 

“There it is. He looks just like you.”

Ryan considers throwing a snowball at him, but that would probably backfire, so he aims for the pot on their snowman’s head instead. 

“And his head is shining just as much as yours!”

“Hey!” Colin exclaims but his eyes are shining with amusement despite trying to appear angry. “I can’t help it that I’m follicly-impaired! And you almost messed up the snowman’s head, again .” 

Ryan can’t help but chuckle as he watches Colin put the pot back on. For someone so sweet, he sure can get feisty.

And Ryan loves him for it.

Wait, wh-

“Oh, I almost forgot about the buttons.”

Colin reaches into the pocket of his coat and takes out a handful of buttons which he then starts placing on the snowman's body. 

Ryan wants to help but he’s also utterly content just watching Colin work and before he makes that decision, the snowman’s already perfected. 

“There,” Colin comments. “He’s looking good.”

“We did a good job.”

“Yeah. I mean, it was mostly me, but…”

Their gazes meet as Colin trails off, connecting for a bit without words, as they do, before Colin speaks up again. 

“We should head back though. Before my hands actually freeze.”

Ryan just nods because he doesn’t trust himself enough not to say anything along the lines of “I could warm them up for you.”

He keeps thinking about this all the way to their shared apartment. 

It didn’t use to be like this.

When they first started living together, they would share anything and everything with one another. 

Colin, the shier one of the two, got into the habit of saying the first thing on his mind a lot of the time.

Ryan, on the other hand, had started tailoring what he says to get the best reaction out of his roommate. It became a whole map in his head, with red dots everywhere where it would tickle Colin and make him say something that would either make Ryan laugh or just marvel. 

And that’s where things started changing.

Ryan realized he had become absolutely entranced by the older man, and that was when his responses had become even more calculated.

It’s not like he wasn’t being himself, Colin has still been his safest place all this time, but there was always this thing at the back of his head.

And quite frankly, it became kind of annoying for Ryan.

Not only did he have to watch what he said not to give his true feelings away, which would surely bother just about anyone, he had to hide something from Colin, and that just didn’t sit right with him. 

So what if he let Colin in on what he’s been feeling?

Ryan shivers at that thought and apparently evidently so. 

“I told you to put on that one extra layer,” Colin remarks as he’s taking off his own coat. Ryan just grumbles at that, too in his head to give an actual reaction.

This could go really badly. 

“How about I make tea and we watch a movie? To, you know, get warm.”

Ryan looks at Colin there, marks the warmth in his eyes and the sincerity of his words.

His brain decides for him.

“Actually, how about we go out tonight?”

Colin doesn’t grimace or anything but Ryan can tell that’s not his preferred choice. 

This might be Ryan’s chance to get it right. 

“I like staying in with you, I was just thinking… Maybe we could try and make it official?”

Colin chuckles.

“Making hanging out with your roommate official? That’s a concept I haven’t heard of before. Suits us, I guess.”

“Right,” Ryan lets out, putting his hands in his pockets so that he doesn’t accidentally rip off a nail while trying to figure out how to get out of this. Or into it. “Or maybe we could try another concept.”

“Which one?”

“A date.”

Colin stops in his tracks from where he was unbuttoning what seemed like the third outer layer. Then he lifts his head up slowly, meeting Ryan’s gaze. Ryan lets out a breath, trying to relax his posture. It’s out there. 

“You’re not kidding.”

It’s not a question. Colin is reading Ryan like an open book and wow, it feels good. 

“I’m not.”

Colin looks away with a small smile playing on his face. 

“A date,” he repeats. “That sounds nice.”

“Yeah?” Ryan ensures. 

“Yeah.”

Colin’s reply is timid and once it’s out there, he walks across the room, then, busying himself with something Ryan can’t decode but he’s pretty sure it’s just supposed to busy his hands as he thinks of what to say next. He’s learned to pick up on things like that.

“What were you thinking?” Colin eventually asks.

Ryan brings one hand up to rub at the back of his head.

“Um… I don’t know. I was just trying to get it out, to be honest,” he chuckles a little nervously and wow again, nervous around Colin, that’s new.

But there’s also something so endearing about the way Colin lifts his head up again, that smile still on his face while his eyes fail to settle in one spot.

“I might have an idea.”

Ryan feels himself relax a little. “Shoot.”

“There’s this disco club I’ve been wanting to try out. We could go there.”

“A disco club?” Ryan repeats.

“Doesn’t sound good?”

“No, it does, I just can’t imagine you randomly stumbling upon a club you’d want to visit.”

Colin shrugs. “I like dancing.”

“I know that,” Ryan says, making his way over the stand a little closer to his roommate. “It’s the club part that seems out of place.”

“I just wanted somewhere official for our first-”

Colin freezes and looks up at Ryan rather abruptly and-

Ryan might have overthought this a little too hard.

“Seems official enough to me,” Ryan says, trying for a gentle tone, although God knows what that actually sounds like. 

Colin smiles again and turns to face his closet.
“Okay. What do we wear? Better make an effort since we want it official. ”

Ryan smiles even though he knows Colin can’t see him. 

“You should wear red.”

Colin turns his head back. “Red?”

“It suits you.”

Colin’s head turns away from Ryan immediately and Ryan could be imagining things but it seems to be hanging a little low. 

“You should wear purple, then. Suits you.”

…

Although Ryan knew this date wasn’t going to ruin their friendship, he was still a little apprehensive. 

What if things don’t flow as well as they usually do between us?

Thankfully, that thought was proven to be wrong as soon as they entered the club. 

“Jesus, there’s a lot of people.”

“Says the one who picked this place.”

It’s not the exchange itself, it’s the way they look at each other afterwards that affirms to Ryan that they’re gonna be alright. 

That thought is challenged very soon though, as Ryan realizes that since this is a date he should probably help Colin take off his coat but he can honestly barely take of his own coat without tangling into it and before he manages to untangle his thoughts, Colin is already without a coat, standing in front of Ryan with open arms.

Ryan shakes his own head as he turns around so that Colin could help him with his coat.

He really is thinking about this way too much. 

“Wanna grab a drink?”

“Shouldn’t we dance for at least a bit before that?”

Ryan looks across the pretty filled-up dance floor. “Let’s wait for a better song.”

“You can’t even tell which one’s on right now.”

Ryan rolls his eyes because yeah, he really can’t, but his lips curl upwards. “Okay, you got me. It’s gonna take a little booze to make me dance in front of someone who’s not just you.”

Ryan can feel Colin’s gaze on him for maybe a second too long before the other man walks towards the bar with a “fair enough”. 

Things settle pretty quickly after that. They drink their drinks. They talk. It’s as if it’s just another day of them hanging out. 

Which is good with Ryan, but he can’t help but notice the way Colin’s eyes twitch towards the dance floor here and there, and it also appears that his hands can’t decide where to place themselves. Ryan too has a bit of trouble in that department because have you seen Colin’s hands?

Ryan gulps the last of his drink and tries to make out the song that’s being played in the process. Luck might be on his side because the tracks change then, and he can recall the song immediately. 

“Now, that’s what I’m talking about,” he says, getting up from his stool, holding his hand out for Colin. It takes a bit for it to click in Colin’s head but once it does, his smile pushes all of Ryan’s thoughts away.

Colin’s smile has always been one of Ryan’s most favorite things about him. He thinks about it a lot as they sway across one another to Best Of My Love by The Emotions.

He thinks about a lot of things then but they all seem to center about one thing, and one thing only. 

He holds his hand out for Colin again who takes it immediately but tilts his head in confusion. 

“Dance with me?” Ryan asks.

“We are dancing.”

Ryan pulls Colin a little closer. “I know.”

A few different emotions flicker across Colin’s face and then a smile forms on his face, and it’s lovely, it’s great, it just needs-

Oh yes. 

Colin looks up at Ryan.

“Well, now it seems like I don’t have a choice.”

Ryan smiles at that as the soft tune of I Can’t Tell You Why by Eagles. fills the room. He can vaguely register other people grabbing their partners around them, but he couldn’t care less. 

What matters to him now is the way Colin’s looking at him, as if he hung the moon, which frankly, wouldn’t be such a huge accomplishment given his height, but he’d do it if it made Colin happy.

What the heck am I thinking about?

He’s got Colin as close as they could get, Ryan’s left hand holding onto Colin’s right one, their other arms wrapped around their respective waists, they’re slow dancing and Ryan is thinking about the moon ?

Although, after further consideration, that’s not that bad of a thought. 

“You know,” Ryan starts, voice low so that it creates at least an illusion of privacy. “The baldspot isn’t all that bad. I bet it’s nice to the touch.”

He feels Colin chuckle more than he hears it and then Colin’s leaning closer. Not for a kiss, but not for a hug either. Colin’s just a little too tall for him to be able to tuck his head under Ryan’s chin, so Ryan’s lips end up around the general area of Colin’s head.

Ryan’s not sure what Colin’s intention was but his lips move on their own accord. He doesn’t kiss the side of Colin’s head as much as he just places his lips there, but he feels Colin tighten his grip the moment the connection is made, so he thinks he did just about alright. 

It’s idyllic. Until…

“Your hands.”

Ryan pulls away just enough so that he could look Colin in the eyes.

“What about them?”

Colin doesn’t reply so Ryan plans to get a little playful.

“Hey, I know they’re a little clumsy but they’re doing their best and they don’t deserve to be-”

“They’re amazing.”

Ryan stops in his tracks.

“They’re…?”

“Amazing.” Colin repeats but avoids eye contact. “I love them.”

Colin’s voice is much more quiet now, his head is hanging low, and Ryan isn’t sure if he’s liking this. 

He changes the grip of his left hand so that he could run his thumb across Colin’s fingers. “Thanks,” he says. “They appreciate that. And for the record, I love your hands too.”
Colin smiles at that, his gaze locked at their joined hands. 

“They fit well together.”

Their gazes meet then, and Ryan can’t help but wonder…

“Do you think…” Colin starts but never finishes. Instead, his eyes drop to Ryan’s lips, and he doesn’t have to finish his sentence for Ryan to know what he was gonna ask. He releases Colin’s hand and wraps his arm around Colin’s waist instead. 

“Yeah. I think they would.”

Colin’s eyes flicker up, and Ryan swears he could see the entire world in them. 

He doesn’t get to marvel for long though, as the next thing he knows is their lips meeting one another, and it’s like the world stops. 

Even when they part and continue swaying to the – probably much faster by now – music, it feels like it’s just the two of them. 

Maybe it had always been just the two of them. 

And it surely always will be.