Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Elim Garak lay the bolt of silk out on the measuring table in the back room. A large commission had come in earlier in the week from a Bajoran bride-to-be to do not only the wedding dress but the entire bridal party’s couture. He had spent the middle part of the week designing everything and she had just accepted the designs this morning. Measurements were to be taken next week, but he wanted to have small displays made of the designs so that the party could see them and touch them.

As he reached over the table to grab the silk shears, something shifted in his stomach. He froze. The shift didn’t hurt but it was unexpected. He deliberately tried it again but in the opposite direction and felt the shift. Frantically, he looked around for his tricorder and realized that he had left it at the register counter this morning.

Barreling out of the backroom, he found his store still blessedly quiet. He had had a fair number of customers this morning, his reputation for excellence and precision starting to bring in much-needed revenue. It was the lunch-hour though with most people opting for food and rest rather than other activities.

He belatedly realized that he was also supposed to meet his long-term boyfriend, DS9’s own CMO, Dr. Julian Bashir, for lunch. Julian wouldn’t mind that he would be a few minutes late since he knew that Garak’s increase in business was good for him overall. Plus, this could not wait.

As Garak ran the tricorder over his stomach-area, he felt a familiar knot of nervousness form. The last time….no, he wouldn’t dwell on that miserable time until he knew for sure. The tricorder seemed to take its time calculating the outcome, but when it did, Garak became light-headed.

He loosely fell to the floor and huddled behind the counter, too shocked to do anything else. It was positive, he was gravid. With Julian’s baby no less. He pressed his hands to his stomach and felt that shift inside him. If he could feel that shift, it meant the shell was built, which meant that he was a couple of months along at least.

Usually shell-building meant a round of sickness and the last time Garak was sick had been the food poisoning incident three weeks ago. A Bajoran celebration with homemade food had resulted in a station-wide cluster of food poisoning. Julian had been sick as had Garak; they had held one another as they each took turns emptying their stomachs of what had felt like a year’s worth of food. They had slept on the bathroom floor that night huddled together. Julian had been much worse off than Garak, and Garak now surmised that it was because he wasn’t actually sick but had had a bout of extreme egg sickness.

A familiar pang of fear lanced through him. He curled into himself and began sobbing. He remembered what happened last time and he was afraid that the outcome would be the same this time.

Last time, Tain had forced him to end his gravid. He had pleaded, the only time he had ever done so, but it had fallen on deaf ears. He cried the entire way through the procedure. Tain had ordered him to return to work the day after, giving him only the evening to recover. He was not allowed to speak of what happened or show any signs that could be connected to what happened. He spent most of the next day in the bathroom working on paperwork, silently crying in pain and discomfort as he suffered the aftereffects. He made sure to flush every so often so that, if anyone came to find him, they wouldn’t see the bleeding.

But he argued with himself, Julian was not Tain. Still, that Tain-like voice in the back of his head sneered at him and disparaged him and challenged him about his perceptions. He cried harder and wrapped his arms around his middle trying to hold himself as the flashbacks kept coming.

“My love, what’s wrong?” A voice beside him asked.

Garak jumped in fear and turned to see Julian crouched behind the counter with him, a look of concern etched into his face.

Garak flung himself into Julian’s arms. Julian encircled him and held him tight.

“Please don’t….don’t…I want,” he sobbed.

“Oh, my darling, cry it out first and then we can talk. I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

“You…you…don’t…” Garak couldn’t finish a sentence and clung to his lover, crying. Julian just held him tighter, and quietly and without judgment allowed him to calm himself down.

As the crying subsided, he was left with ragged breathing and the occasional breathing hiccup. He pulled back from Julian a bit but still maintained a hard grip on the younger man’s arms.

“Do you want to talk here? I’ve made sure the door is locked so we won’t be bothered. But we can also transport back to our quarters if you need more privacy.”

“I…I’m…I’m fine here,” his breathing hitched on each word.

Julian brushed a tear from his cheek.

“You also don’t need to say a word if you truly don’t want to right now. I got worried when you didn’t show up for lunch and came to find you. I’m still concerned, but glad to see you.”

Garak decided to just say it.

“I’m gravid.”

The look of shock on Julian’s face was soon replaced by a beaming smile. “Really?!?! This is great news! We’re going to have a baby!”

Garak turned the tricorder to face his lover. Julian eagerly grabbed the device.

“Wow, the shell’s already finished growing! That means you’re due in, five, no, six months? Oh!” his eyes went wide, “that means you probably weren’t sick with food poisoning.”

Leave it to his boyfriend to figure out the timeline, Garak thought.

“I’m so excited. We’re gonna need baby clothes and diapers and a bassinette and baby toys and baby blankets and a nursery…” he kept listing items off.

Garak gave a watery laugh and teared up again.

That shook Julian out of his litany, and he rubbed Garak’s back. “I’m sorry, Elim, I got caught up. What do you need from me?”

“You’re….you’re….okay with this?” he motioned a hand up and down his body.

“Love, I’m more than okay with it! I’m going to be a father; I’m ecstatic!”

Garak was crying again and Julian gathered him into his arms.

“The last time…” Garak gasped out. “I wanted it…but Tain made me…he said it wasn’t appropriate. He then…I never saw my lover again. I had to come to work. I was in such pain.” He cried harder. “No one cared,” he quietly whispered.

“I am so sorry, my love. So, so sorry that happened to you.” Julian kissed his head and held him tighter. He remained quiet, allowing Garak the space to feel and show his emotions, while also grounding him in a warm sense of safety with his arms around him.

As Garak quieted, he sat up, brushed tears from his eyes and tried to straighten his tunic. “Lunch is probably over with; you should get back to work.”

“Nope. I took the rest of the day off. You need me right now and you are more important than the research.”

Garak felt himself tearing up again.

“What do you need? Do you need me to leave you alone for a bit? Do you need help moving some things around? Do you need me to go get some food?”

Garak still couldn’t believe that the universe had given him such a wonderful lover. There were still days he had to convince himself that he deserved Julian and the life they had started to make together.

“I want you here with me, but I don’t know if I can finish work today.”

“Well then let’s call it a day and go back to our quarters. We’ll snuggle into our favorite blankets, drink tea, and argue over the book we’re reading or just quietly read it together. How does that plan sound?”

Garak silently nodded his assent.

Julian smiled. “I’ll even transport us to our quarters. Let me help you close.”

As the two men prepared the shop for closing, Garak stopped long enough to watch his lover perform tasks here and there. He liked to watch Julian move around, so free and so different from what he was used to on Cardassia, where people took deliberate care in how they moved.

As he shut off the lights and returned to where Julian stood, the younger man turned to him.

“Can you feel it yet?”

“I can feel it shift from one side to another. That’s how I came to be suspicious that I was gravid. But no, I can’t feel it yet.”

Julian held up a hand. “May I?”

Garak nodded and smiled as he watched Julian place his hand on his stomach. “Hello baby,” he whispered, “This is your other father. I can’t wait to feel you and then meet you. I’m so excited!”

He grabbed Garak’s hand as he hit his Combadge. “Ops, two to beam to Dr. Bashir and Garak’s quarters.”

Chapter Text

Garak sat in what Julian affectionately called the nursing chair, their son strapped to his front with a sling, loudly suckling. The nursery was an absolute mess; blankets and baby clothes thrown here and there with cups of half drunken raktajinos on nearly every stable surface. He knew the bedroom looked the same. Garak assumed it was still morning; he hadn’t taken a moment to consult the time. He wanted to get quite a lot done around their quarters today, but their baby fussed non-stop.

He stared down at his son, curled into his front, a small hand holding onto a ridge, while he bit at Garak’s nursing ridge to then lick and suck at the serum that oozed out. The hatchling was 10 days old; Garak hoped he had that right. The intensity of the past few days had eclipsed practically everything else; the excitement of hatching day; the sleepless nights; the exhausting days; the seemingly endless crying of the baby, of him, even of Julian.

He had always wanted children; had hoped that eventually he could stop being an Operative of the Obsidian Order and leave to start a family. Tain had made sure to kill that dream as much as possible, even making sure that when Garak became gravid once before that he would be left with only one option. His heart still ached over the choice that had been taken from him.

To find in exile the family that he had wanted still surprised him. Julian had been excited and supportive to find out that he would be a father. Surprised, yes, but as enthusiastic to explore this new avenue of life as Garak was to be gravid. He grimaced a little at the memories of the egg-lay; pain, more pain and anxiety, as he felt his body become an entity he didn’t recognize, one he had no control over. But Julian had been there by his side, soothing and sympathetic and a cheerleader to the end.

And he felt like it should have all been worth it, so why didn’t it feel that way?

Belatedly realizing that there wasn’t any further pressure from his abdomen, he glanced down at the same moment that his son started fussing, again.

“Oh no, not again,” he whispered.

Unstrapping the sling and then swinging the baby up to his shoulder, he vigorously started to rub his back, forgetting to put a cloth in place first. Seconds later, he knew that he and baby were going to be in need of an outfit change yet again. Why was this so hard? Why was he struggling to adapt to something that he always wanted to have? Julian had taken to fatherhood like a fish to water; he didn’t seem to be suffering any of the hesitation and lack of confidence that plagued Garak. What was wrong with him?

Although somewhat placated, the baby continued to softly fuss. He was quite fastidious for an infant, in Garak’s opinion, not liking to be wet or dirty for a second longer than he needed to and his concept of time seemed a lot shorter than his fathers’. Garak stood and headed over to the changing table with the infant replicator next to it. At least humans had figured out to create a separate replicator for all things infant related, which helped immensely. But it still didn’t stop Garak’s spiral and he could feel his chest starting to constrict and tears gather in his eyes as he changed his son’s diapers and clothes for what felt like the millionth time that morning. He felt like he was failing a test and that he would never become the father that he had always wanted to be, the father he had never really had. How could he be a good father if he couldn’t even calm his son?

As he moved the fed, dry, but still quietly fussing baby back into his arms, he unconsciously began to sway. “You’re okay; you’re okay,” he quietly chanted, though the words were a little garbled as he began to cry in earnest with his son. “What else can I do for you? What do you need?” He covered his son with a blanket to make sure that the baby would stay dry as he cried and swayed and rocked and cried and walked and cried. The baby felt perfect in his arms, but he didn’t feel perfect for him.

He jumped slightly when he felt two arms encircle his waist.

“My darling,” he felt the words whispered into his ear.

Julian was here! He hadn’t heard the doors open, hadn’t heard the patter of Starfleet issued boots across the floor; hadn’t heard anything really, being too preoccupied with his own stupid fears and the baby. What kind of Operative was he?

“Julian,” he sobbed.

He felt his lover match his swaying and pull him in tighter. “Cry if you need to; you’re safe, it’s just me.”

Garak let himself go, being mindful not to clutch his hatchling too hard. He sobbed for what felt like hours. Julian just held him.

As his crying finally started to abate, Garak straightened. “I’m sure you need to get back, my dear.”

“No, I don’t. And even if I did, I wouldn’t.” Julian kissed his neck. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Garak let himself go. “I…I…I…feel like I’m not good at this! You can get him to stop crying effortlessly, you can get him changed without going through 3 outfits of his or 20 of yours, you just seem better at this. I feel stupid and lost. And it was I who wanted him. Why am I not better at this?”

“Oh my darling,” Julian hugged him tighter. “That’s a lot to deal with.”

“I know and I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about. Uncover him for me a little, yeah?”

Garak was perplexed and moved the somewhat splotched blanket away from his son.

“Look at him.”

Garak looked at the sleeping baby in his arms; the dozing, non-fussy infant. As he gazed, the baby’s eyes opened for a second to meet his. His son then smiled, curled deeper into Garak’s arms, shut his eyes, and started to purr against Garak’s chest. Garak’s heart leapt and he sniffled.

“This is the quietest he’s been all morning. It is still morning, right?”

Julian kissed his cheek as they chuckled together and then continued, “See, you’re a great dad. I’ve just had more practice at the prosaic things, but that doesn’t mean I’m better than you are. We’re both new at this and it’s even newer to you, which makes it feel as though it seems you missed something. You haven’t. Indeed you’ve had him all day so far and all I see is a happy, contented baby. He wouldn’t be that way if you weren’t learning and trying and working on being the best father that you can.”

He felt tears start to gather in his eyes again but for a different reason.

“Fatherhood isn’t a competition. We’ll both be good dads and support each other in being good dads too. We’ll have a different flavor from each other, but that doesn’t mean one of us is not as good as the other. We’ll also have our on days and our off days and that’s where we’ll help each other.”

Garak sniffled and nodded.

“So, why don’t I take the rest of the day off to take care of you and our quarters? You’re doing great with him so I’ll leave our son in your capable hands.”

“My dear…” Garak whispered as he went to touch his forehead with his lover’s. “I like that plan.”

“Done, my darling. Where would you like me to start?”

“Help me back into the nursing chair and then I would say the bedroom.”

As Julian disappeared humming to himself, Garak sat back and stared down at his perfectly sleeping infant.

“We found a good one,” he whispered.

Chapter Text

Garak stood in the corner of the conference room, his son asleep on his shoulder, drink in one hand, talking to Nerys.

“Julian says that he’s getting ready to crawl.”

“It’s been that long since he was born?” she asked in disbelief.

“I know it’s hard to believe,” he lightly patted his son’s back.

“He is out,” Nerys observed.

“He sleeps hard, surprisingly, as neither one of us does. Since he’s started sleeping through the night, once he is out, he stays out.”

“Aren’t you two lucky!”

Garak looked quizzically at her, “You’re not the first to say that.”

Nerys laughed.

Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned his attention to the bare floor where Julian and Jadzia were still dancing. Furniture had been pushed out of the way in the conference room to make the floor space available for just such an activity. The two were laughing as they swung past O’Brien and Keiko, who were also dancing.

Julian’s enjoinment bracelet and wedding ring caught the light as he moved. Garak wore similar items now as well but they were hidden by his son’s sleeping body. They had kept their wedding and reception small, limited to senior staff as well as Quark, Leeta and Rom. Julian suspected his staff had plans for something when he came back to work and Garak had already found well-wishing gifts outside his shop from some of the other proprietors.

Benjamin Sisko came over. “Officiating these types of ceremonies is one of my favorite things as a commander. I haven’t been able to congratulate you one-on-one.” He held his glass up.

Garak moved his glass to his free hand and held it up. “Thank you.” Sisko clinked his glass with Garak’s and took a sip. Garak was still perplexed over this human ritual.

“And don’t worry, he’ll be well looked after while you’re both away,” Sisko pointed his glass at the baby.

“We’re all excited to do a bit of babysitting,” Nerys added.

Julian and Garak had opted for a short honeymoon on Bajor. Nerys had set them up with a private bungalow on the southern continent with a gorgeous ocean-view.

“Still a bit nervous about that,” Garak admitted.

“A parent is always nervous the first time they leave their child’s side for an extended length of time,” replied Sisko. “In the beginning, Jen always found a way to call at least three times a day whenever we left Jake.”

Garak felt somewhat reassured that it was not just him.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, it seems Odo is trying to get everyone moving to start to leave.”

Odo indeed was moving around to each senior staff member and seemingly trying to direct them to the door. Jadzia and Julian took the hint and moved to stand with Nerys and Garak.

“Congratulations again Julian and Garak! It was such a quiet and thoughtful ceremony,” Jadzia gushed.

“We didn’t want anything elaborate.”

“I don’t think you could have pulled anything more together in that small amount of time,” responded Nerys.

Julian had done most of the planning seeing how Garak had been focused on being gravid, egg-laying and then nursing an infant. Not that he had wanted to plan; he had been happy leaving that in Julian’s lap.

Julian wound an arm around Garak’s waist. “And it was perfect,” he pecked Garak’s cheek.

“I think Odo wants us out,” Nerys said as Odo loaded more plates onto Rom’s dish conveyor before turning back to pile more dishes together.

Jadzia held out her arms. “I guess it’s time.”

Garak didn’t move to hand over his son.

“Can I call 25 times a day?”

“You can call a hundred times if it will make you feel better,” Jadzia stated.

“You have his bag?”

“Yes, and I’ve already set up the crib with his favorite blankie and Ratajik and placed the extra serum in the cooling unit. Garak, remember I’ve been both a mother and a father, he’ll be fine.”

Garak let out a little breath, handed his glass to Nerys, and carefully lifted his son from his shoulder. Julian surprised him by taking their son in his arms first.

“We’ll see you when we get back, lovey,” he whispered to the baby and gently hugged him before transferring him to Jadzia. The infant didn’t even make a sound.

“Wow, I think that’s a first,” said Jadzia as she adjusted the baby to her shoulder.

“I was telling Nerys that once he’s out, he’s out.”

“Okay, lucky you! Well, we’ll see you when you both get back.”

Julian and Garak kissed their son’s head again and Garak grabbed Julian’s hand hard as they watched Jadzia leave the room with Nerys.

“He’ll be okay, right?” Garak asked.

“I’m sure of it,” Julian responded, “though I’m nervous too.” He squeezed Garak’s hand back. “You ready to head to Bajor?”

“If we don’t go now, I won’t have the nerves to go at all.”

“Let’s head to our shuttle then, my darling. And I’m driving.”

Chapter Text

Garak slowly rolled over in bed, making sure to stay as burrowed as possible into the duvet. He no longer felt pain from the migraine, but the fatigue still clouded his mind. The fever also seemed to have disappeared, but it didn’t mean that he wanted to open his eyes. That is until a soft, wet stick-thing bounced off his eyebrow ridge. He wiggled backward trying to figure out what happened without actually using any of his senses.

A whimper.

Slowly, he cracked his eyes open and blearily focused on the side of the bed. His infant son stood grasping the side, a hand outstretched, saliva dripping from the ends of his fingers. He stared at Garak and pushed himself forward, whimpering again as he couldn’t reach his Cardassian father.

“Ah, ah,” the baby cooed, reaching out again.

Immediately Garak sat up, ignored the way the room tilted, and hauled his son into bed with him. The baby laughed and curled into his stomach. Belatedly, he saw Julian lying on the floor as close to the bed as he could without actually joining Garak. He appeared asleep, but Garak knew that Julian would not have gone to sleep if their son would be left unattended. A zing of concern flashed through him before forced himself to lie down as a round of chills hit and he lost the strength to hold himself up.

“Dah, dah,” he heard his son utter as he came out of his shaking. The baby was still curled into his stomach, a warm ball against him, but was turned and pointing at his human father, who no longer lay on the floor but was sitting at the bedside.

“My darling,” Julian muttered.

“How? How?” Garak stuttered.

“Cardassian flu tends to mess with a person’s sense of time,” whispered Julian as he consulted a tricorder.

Garak had to admit that Julian looked terrible. He appeared exhausted with bags under his eyes and a scruff of light hair encircling his chin and jawline. He wore his pajamas, but appeared to not have changed them for a few days. Garak heard a small rumble and realized that it was Julian’s empty stomach.

“My dear?”

Their son untangled himself and lay back, moving a hand to his human father’s knee while keeping his other hand touching Garak. “Ah, ah; dah, dah,” the baby said and kicked his legs. He was definitely better-looking than either of his parents at the moment, thought Garak.

“He’s been fussing to see you these past few days,” explained Julian.

“You were asleep on the floor,” Garak softly protested, choosing to ignore Julian’s last statement.

Julian softly smiled. “I was looking for Ratajik and had put myself on the floor to see if he was under any furniture. You must have woken up while I was looking.”

Garak swallowed. “I was concerned, but then a chill hit and all I could do was haul him in with me and hope I could figure things out later.”

“You sent me on a bit of a wild goose chase until I saw a new lump under your covers and discovered him with you.”

“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time. They smiled at one another.

Julian looked down at the tricorder. “It looks like the worst is over. You still have a slight fever but that has come down quite a bit.”

“I feel weak and fatigued.”

“Not surprised. You really haven’t slept a healing sleep all this time.”

“How long?”

“Four days.”

“Four days!?!?! But…but…but my pajamas have been changed! My hair is a mess and my scales are dry, but not horribly so considering the time.”

“Darling, I’ve been taking care of you. You were sick; that’s part of being in a relationship. I couldn’t do it like you prefer, but what I did do, I know helped.”

The baby giggled and kicked his feet some more.

“And I’ve been taking care of you too,” Julian tickled their son’s tummy as he spoke. The child laughed. “Dah, dah; ah, ah,” he giggled in delight.

“He stood at the bedside and begged to come in with me.”

“He’ll be walking soon enough.”

Garak groaned.

“Darling?” Julian said with some concern as he picked up the tricorder.

“Crawling has been hard enough; walking will be the death of us.”

Julian laughed. “Now I know you ARE feeling better.”

The baby giggled again.

“Come in with us,” Garak begged.

“I’d better not. I was hoping that if you weren’t too out of it, I could leave him with you and grab a shower and a change of clothes.”

“I don’t care. I want to feel you for a few minutes before you go do those things.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Julian climbed in and stretched out next to Garak with their son between them. They entwined their hands together against their son’s tummy.

“That’s better,” whispered Garak. “I have the best boys here with me.” He looked at Julian. “I love you.”

Julian smiled. “Love you too.”

“Of u,” said their son.