Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Emma...”

“Mhnn.” Emma nuzzles her head deeper in her folded arms, unwilling to surrender the lull of sleep.

“Emma,” There is a soft touch on her shoulders now, accompanying an equally soft voice. “Wake up.”

Begrudgingly, Emma opens one eye, adjusting to the light. She catches the moment his smile widens.

“Norman.” Her voice comes out rough. She opens the other eye, sitting up from where she lay on the ground. Leaves cling to her hair and she’s sure there are grass prints on her left arm and leg. Maybe some on her cheek.

“I was wondering where you went.” He reaches over, picking out a stray twig stuck on her unruly hair. “Everyone’s already set up for dinner. They were waiting for the meat you’ve set out to hunt two hours ago.”

Emma shuffles on her feet, looking at him incredulously. He smiles in amusement.

“T-two hours?!” She briefly remembers getting tired after setting a trap, deciding to rest while she waited for an animal to get caught. She had stayed watch last night afterall. She was utterly exhausted. She remembers feeling so heavy. It was all she could do not to sink on the ground and sleep. Turns out her all wasn’t enough. “I was gone that long?”

“Yeah. We were kind of worried. Ray and Yuugo’s also set out to look for you.” He grins, “I found you first, though.”

She figures. He’s always been best at tag. Always best at finding her.

“How about dinner?”

“The kids settled for veggies tonight.” He pats the space beside him. She accepts the invitation, shuffling to get closer, just a hair’s breathe from him. It doesn’t look like he’s in a rush to go back to camp, so it might be safe to dawdle.

She relaxes. The comfort of her previous sleep returning in her bones. It’s so easy. So easy to relax when he’s around. She folds her arms, perching them on her knees. She rests her chin on them. She sighs. This feels nice. Nicer than her sleep.

“It’s nice here. And I’ve found something really pretty somewhere beyond that bush. There’s a blue flower I’ve never seen back in Grace Field. I haven’t read about it too.” She angles her head to look at him, giddy. “You might like it, Norman. You always said you wanted to see the different things outside.”

“I’ll add it on my collection then.” His face brightens up considerably. Emma melts a little. “I’ll add some info about it too. I think we could name it with our family later.”

“That’ll be great! I think Don wants a turn in naming new finds.”

“It’s funny how he never got a turn. It’s been almost a year after the escape. We’ve found a lot of new plants since then.”

She chuckles. “I think the others are messing with him.”

Norman laughs with her. Her chest feels light.

“Me too.” He looks at her in an afterthought. “You haven’t named a new plant, too Emma.”

She blinks, pursing her lips in thought. That’s right she haven’t. Probably always slipped her mind. She hummed uncommitted.

Norman suddenly leans back, hands catching his fall. His face is angled at the sky, the moonlight making him look almost ethereal. She appreciates how neat he still looks despite his clothes. It was so different from the pristine white ones they had on Grace Field. His clothes now are mud colored and rugged like hers, thick and rough, meant for protection and survival.

She decides she likes him better in them.

The wind picks up again and Norman breathes, deep and full.

Emma’s breath catches.

Emma wonders why she feels warm. It was a cold night…

“It really is nice here, Emma. I’m so glad I’m here with you.”

Warmer.

“I’m glad too.” She reaches out, unable to resist the urge. She holds his hand. “I’m glad we made it this far together, Norman.”
He looks at her. Blue meets green. He’s silent, a touch of a smile in his lips.

“We’ll find it right? The path to the other humans.” Her grip on his hand tightens. “We’ve made it this far after all. We’ll get Phil and the others and take everyone to safety. If it’s us, we can do it all right?”

“If it’s Emma, then there’s no question about that.” He says, just like she knows he would. And she’s content with the world.

“When we get to the human world, do you think I can compete on those sports competitions? I think I’ve gotten pretty strong.”

“You’ve always been strong, Emma.” Norman laughs.

“You’ll cheer for me right?” She subtly leans against him. “Ray would take pictures, too. I bet there are a lot of nice cameras in the human side. He’d probably take embarrassing shots though.”

He chuckles at that. “He probably would.”

“And Gilda would always get new dresses. She’ll go to malls and go on train rides and take Phil with her.”

“Anna would come with too, I think. She’d buy hair ribbons now that her hair’s long again. And Ray would help her pick.”

“If Ray’s going to the mall with them, then let’s go too Norman!”

He puts a hand on his chin in a thoughtful manner just like he always did.

“The other kids would want to go with us too.”

“And we’ll all eat those ice creams I’ve read about! It looked tasty!”

“Not too much though, I read it’s not very healthy.”

She nudges him teasingly. “Only you would get sick. You always get sick.”

“That’s not fair. I haven’t been sick all this time though,” he mumbles.

That’s right. She can’t remember the last time he was sick. Odd. He used to catch colds so easily back then.

“Maybe you’ve grown stronger too Norman.” She looks at the sky, the moon is so bright it almost feels like day, stars twinkling merrily. It’s such a nice night. “I think we all did. After all, it’s been a year after the escape.”

“You’ve grown too, Emma.” He looks at her, eyes warm and appreciating and so so blue. “You’re different from before. You’re stronger, always doing your best, always pushing yourself to you limits. You’ve grown a lot.”

She recalls the past year; the hardships, the pain, all of it for her family. She remembers the time she almost fell into despair, almost gave up. With him like this, she can’t exactly how she ever felt that way. It feels like she could do anything and everything. Norman, Ray, Don, Gilda, Anna, Nat, Thoma… with all her family, Emma feels invincible. She needs her family, just like they need her.

“Well that’s because I had to be strong. I have to guide the family outside. Escaping Grace Field is just the first step. We faced so much, experienced so many horrors. I had to be strong.” Her hand twitches against his. “After all, I promised you that I’d take care of everybody…”

There’s a gust of wind. A slight pull in her head.

It left a chill on Emma’s skin.

She can’t recall why she had to promise him that.

Norman nods in agreement, eyes on the moon. “Ray’s come out of his shell too. He’s always guiding the kids. He’s become responsible.”

He certainly has. Ray’s been so supportive ever since the escape. Always there for her to lean on when times were rough. When she felt like she can’t do it anymore, Ray had been there to make her stand up. He became her support ever since Norman…

Her chest suddenly feels heavy. Emma shrugs it off. She smiles wide and bright, forcing away the hollow feeling creeping up on skin.

“I think you were the influence, Norman.” Ray has always looked up to Norman, after all. “He’s become the kids’ favorite. Always going to him for help… instead of me.” Instead of you.

There’s a boulder on her stomach.

“That’s right.” His voice is off, and she feels the chill again. Colder. Emma freezes.

Her eyes don’t stray from the sky. She tries to see the moon past the clouds that covered it. Tries to find the light of the glittering stars that suddenly blended with the darkness of the night.

“B-but Ray’s still got a lot to learn though. He still struggles with making decisions every now and then. I always had to take the initiative.”

“Hmmm.” She grips his hand tighter.

“It’s great that Yuugo and Lucas are here now. I feel a lot of weight off of my-“ Heavy. It feels heavy. “—my shoulders. Ray and I aren’t the only one to take the lead anymore.”

“That’s great, Emma.” It’s dark. Why is it so dark.

Her head feels lights, her chest heavy. There’s a tug. There’s a pull.

She denies it.

She leans closer to him, if only to ground herself to this moment—to him.

He’s warm. Norman’s always been warm. And his hands in hers are just the way they are as when they were on Grace Field. Just the way they were before he was…

A flurry of memories surfaces; flashes of a dark night, of a promise left, of a door closed with finality. Emma grits her teeth and fends all of it away.

“The kids are getting along well with the new family too.” Why was she still talking. She wants to stop. Her voice escapes without her consent. “We’re all doing so well Norman.”

“I’m glad for you, Emma.” Her head turns, the sky isn’t there anymore. She looks at him, slowly, cautiously. She doesn’t want to look at him!

She looks.
Emma’s breath catches on her throat.

Why was he wearing a hat?

She looks away. There’s only space, only darkness ahead.

She prefers that over the sight of him.

“W-We should return to the base, Norman. They’re probably worried about us.”

He touches her cheek with his free hand, guiding her to look at him. She’s a mere puppet. She wants to cut the strings but she can’t; she’s a puppet.

“Yeah. They’re probably worried about you, Emma.”

His brown coat bleeds into a black suit before her eyes. There’s an empty suitcase beside him, right where his set of bow and arrows should be.

She bursts into action, her arms desperately alive, blood flowing fast in her veins. She shifts and kneels in front of him, hands holding his in desperation. He looks at her calmly, a sad smile on his face.

“N-Norman,” She grips his hand for dear life. “Let’s go back to the hide out.”

“Emma…”

The trees are swirling around them, morphing into the image of blur and fantasy.

She shuts her eyes closed. Tight. Tighter. She pushes into him, crashing into his chest. He smells like grass and dew.

If she doesn’t see it, it’s not real.

“Norman, go back to the base with me.” She clenches her hands on the lapels of his suit.

“I have to stay here, Emma.” She feels his arms around her. Light. It’s too light. She can’t feel it. “Go on ahead.”

Her lips tremble. There’s this hollowness again, the ever present weight of regret crashing against her. The one that pushed her into exhaustion. The one that led her here.

If she doesn’t open her eyes then it isn’t real.

Then, he’s real.

“Emma…”

“Then let’s stay here, Norman!” He’s real. “Let’s talk more about the human side. I want to ride a giraffe!”

He’s real.

“Emma.”

He’s real.

“And I want to ride elephants too! You’ll come with me right?”

Norman!

“Emma.”

“Norman, please!”

She feels his hands on her shoulder, gently pushing…no no no no.

“Wake up, Emma.”

He pushes her away, his hands straying on her shoulders. Even with all her strength, she still couldn’t move a muscle. She’s frozen; a mere doll as he pulls away.
She separates but her hands still clutches to his suit. Eyes closing impossibly tighter like her fists.

If she doesn’t let go, he can’t go.

There’s a shift.

And suddenly she feels the lightest of touches of his fingers on her cheeks.

Her eyes snap open.

“Emma.”

It wasn’t his voice. It wasn’t his face.

Her eyes snap left and right frantically. Searching, searching, searching.

She spots Don on the left. Thoma and Lani on the right. She cranes her head further, maybe behind that tree…

“Emma!” She startles, Ray’s grip was tight on her shoulders. She finally notices Ray in front of her.

And then, she is back.

Her false reality slowly slips into the recess of her memory. Real memories resurface, reminding her of the truth.

Reminding her of what wasn’t.

Her still clenched hands tighten. She can feel her nails making marks on her palms.

Dread fills her stomach. She wants to throw up.

He’s not here anymore.

He never was.

Her tense shoulders relax, the familiar hollow feeling returning all at once. She can’t breathe for a second.

“Emma,” Ray tests. There’s a question in his voice.

Emma snaps out of her trance, taking a shaky breath.

“I-I was waiting for a catch and I fell asleep,” she starts after a moment, her voice soft. It comes out vulnerable. She can’t help it. She can’t recover that quickly. She was never that strong. She never will be that strong. Not about this. Not about him. “And I…”

Ray’s hold slackens. He lets go.

He knows. He understands all too well.

He stands up from where he knelt beside her.

“Let’s go back. Dinner’s ready.”

Ray helps her stand, and Emma tries to ignore his concerned look. She tries to ignore the whisper of pain in his eyes so achingly similar to hers. It speaks of loss and perpetual regret. Emma couldn’t look at it.

Of course he knows.

Don leads the way with his lamp, Thoma and Lani following suit.

Ray pats her arm in comfort. It doesn’t work. Emma tries a smile anyway.

He nods, turning to walk to the trio ahead.

Emma looks at the spot where Norman sat in her dream. It felt so real. It feels like she could just reach out and yank him in her reality, in here. She could still feel the soft texture of his jacket in her hands.

She held him so tight she can’t understand how he still slipped through her fingers.

Emma unclenches her hand slowly, carefully. A color of blue peeks out from it. The flower, petals damaged and crumpled, peeks from her palms.

She looks down on it, longing and regret in her eyes only illuminated by the full moon.

She remembers catching a glance of it in her peripheral during the hunt, remembers picking it, holding it between her palms with tender care. She remembers setting her equipment down, trap and dinner all forgotten. She remembers feeling heavy -- so impossibly heavy that she needed to lie down.

It had the exact same shade of his eyes.

Smoothing the petals, Emma remembers the last thought in her head right before she fell asleep.

‘Norman would have loved it.’