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Chapter Text

May 2017
The Spectator's Mixer

Blair was having difficulty between choosing whether to keep up her appetite or her temper. The food choices were limited which made going hungry easy. She looked at the wrist watch again and stared dismally at the hour hand still lingering around 10. She looked across the open air terrace party and saw Chuck smiling and sipping cocktails with the same charm that had Bass Industries succeeding better and better each year. She sighed.

Earlier in the evening Chuck had stopped her from taking Henry with them. She had dressed the poor boy with promises of Chocolate soufflé and dipped apples. But with the change of plans, she was forced to ultimately bribe him with a new set of toys and given him up to Dorota. She wasn't particularly upset with Chuck., his argument had been reasonable. It was a loud mixer for an energetic crowd who would be spent and haggard on a Friday Evening. Henry would be as out of place as the delicious looking pancakes placed on the buffet table. Who even approved the menu? She must have a word with Nate.

"If you glare at the pancakes any longer, they might catch fire." came a dry voice of her best friend and he took the seat opposite to her. Blair diverted her gaze from the delicious breakfast food.

"Pancakes Archibald? Tell me who the organizer was again, so that I can never hire them." she retorted.

Nate smirked and rolled his eyes.

"I am as clueless as you. See now that I have expanded the team beyond college graduates and do-no-gooders, I can actually afford to have a marketing team." he retorted.

Blair raise her glass of champagne and said with a transparent teasing smile. "Well, let's drink to that."

Left Hand Free by alt-J was blazing from the speaker and Blair finally felt the alcohol she had been sipping and she stopped thinking about Henry alone in their huge home.

"He looks quite in his element." Nate said nodding in the direction Chuck was holding court.

"Yes, he always does."

For a second both of their eyes met and Nate seemed to perceive the bitterness in her statement. Blair looked away and shook her head.

"You should come by the house more often. I miss you. Henry misses his uncle Nate." she said

Nate smiled at the mention of Henry. "I will, I will. He had Dorota call me last week to check if I was abducted by the aliens"

"He did what?" Blair laughed. "I guess he does take after me." she said with a proud smirk.

"I will come more often I promise. With Mom in Chicago with her latest boyfriend, you guys are my only family here anyway."

"I see your mother's latest foray into the world of dating hasn't been pleasant for you." Blair quipped

"Says the girl who wanted to give Cyrus food poisoning."

"Well I didn't! I love that old man. Well, the thought of Eleanor dating was scaring but Nate I was 18! You are older and wiser."

Nate smiled at her words because he recognized the teasing glint. Blair Waldorf definitely did not define growing up wiser. She grew up like Blair, getting wiser by the year, but no less wicked and devious.

The lull in the conversation prompted another glance at the clock for Blair, who was irritated to find time was quite crawling today. Nate ordered another chute of champagne and took a quick sip so as to imbibe courage.

"So, is it true then?" Nate asked looking deeply into his champagne chute.

Blair didn't have to ask what he was talking about. His strained jaws and focused eyes spoke volumes.

"Yes" she answered in a tone as to confer a terrible befallen fortune. "Although" she continued "I figured the first call would be to you. Aren't you friends with the infamous Brooklyn poet?"

Nate smiled and the tension left his jaw and lifted his eyes to her.

"I don't think Dan's a poet."

"Aghh" Blair dismissed the specifics

"Why would he call me first? Haven't spoken to either Dan or Serena in years." he shrugged

Blair frowned. That was news. After the Inside Out finale came out in The Spectator, Dan's ultimate exposé of Gossip Girl had made The Spectator what it was today. She had always assumed they were still in touch and were fast friends. Just because she avoided any and all news about the elder Humphrey sibling did not mean she was deluded into think he wasn't friends with her friends.

"Don't tell me you ostracized him after revealing to the world what a masked voyeuristic sociopath the man is?" she demanded.

Nate laughed out loud this time. "That is new. Maybe I can ask the editorial team to use the phrase when they review his next book."

"Wait, do you actually dislike the man? Nate Archibald! How could you let me believe he was your good friend? I would have liked you so much better if I had known Humphrey was a sour topic to you too!"

"When have we ever spoken about Dan anyway?" he said with a dismissive tilt to his head.

Blair opened her mouth to say often, but the truth glared back at her. She had followed the 'never mention the man' policy with Dan Humphrey and had hardly spoke about the banished boy in the last few years. It helped that he was out of their sight for good.

Whenever the topic of one Dan Humphrey was waken up from the grave, Blair felt this sense of uncomfortableness similar to passive smoking or eating too many Danishes. She had hoped that absence would convince her mind to do her a favour and erase all her memories of her foe, who was now her closest friend's fiancé. The last two words rang in her ears. She gave up keeping time and decided to make excuses and retreat to home. Chuck can socialize and make contacts if he wanted to, she needed the calm and the familiar of her home and her Henry.

"Did we just conjure the devil?" Nate's question brought her out of her reverie. She startled in confusion until she followed Nate's line of gaze.

The party was pretty crowded and people kept entering and leaving her line of sight. Just when she thought Nate's champagne had him hallucinating, her line of sight cleared as though Moses parting the sea and there should the object of their discussion. There was the very man of their discussion in flesh looking confused and pained but still effectively present, his grey coat and copper tie shimmering under the lighting of the party.

'He cut his hair' was Blair's first thought, quickly followed by 'What in the world is Dan Humphrey doing in New York?'

Blair felt as though the dominoes she had erected carefully in the past years were being teased by a crafty wind. She stood up because sitting didn't seem just right. She felt Nate come stand beside her.

"Did you invite him?" she asked

"Hell no." Nate answered instantly.

The unwanted intrusion reminded her of the very first time she had noticed lonely boy at her Kiss on the Lips party years ago. Looks like Dan Humphrey hadn't broken the habit of barging in uninvited.

It was comical the way she and Nate stood frozen not quite knowing what to do next. The choice was taken away when Dan's gaze fell on the duo and he hesitated only a couple of seconds before making a start towards them.

There was quite no elegant explanation to what Blair did next. She scoffed at the audacity and picked a passing glass of what looked like bourbon and downed it in one swallow.

"He's all yours Nate." she said and sauntered away before Dan could reach her earshot. Her leisure walk and unaffected smile was betrayed to only her by her wildly beating heart.

*

Dan saw Blair walk away and felt a sense of relief. He walked towards Nate with bold strides and stubborn intent. The man had managed to avoid him for over four years now. The weekend trip to Hudson to visit his mother had been a perfect opportunity to catch hold of him. When he saw the Instagram post for The Spectator party he felt this was his one golden chance to get hold of Nate. One wouldn't miss the party they were throwing would they?

Nate was clearly looking for an escape hatch and when Dan finally stood in front of him, he was pissed. Dan hadn't expected any better.

"Nate."

"Humphrey."

Dan rubbed his fingers on his left palm nervously. He had prepared a speech of course, which radiated practicality and maturity. Now he felt like he was walking nude in the fifth avenue.

Nate raised his eyebrows impatiently and Dan felt like there was a timer running out.

"How are you?" was what he finally said. He wanted to swallow the foot in his mouth.

"Not better than you I believe. Congratulations on the engagement." said Nate Archibald, not his friend Nate who Dan was seeking.

Dan felt like a he was doused in ice cold water when he heard Nate speak about his engagement. Suddenly the idea of a weekend trip to Manhattan seemed a very bad idea.

"Ah thanks." he said awkwardly. He bit his lips to keep himself punching his face. "I have to talk to you..."

Nate turned to leave before he could finish but was cut short by Dan stepping in his way.

"We need to talk."

"Look man, I've had a long night and it's barely 11. Now is not the good time."

"We are this close, Nate."

"Close to what? Ending it all for me?" Nate turned on Dan. "Close to taking everything away from me again? Trust me Humphrey, you do not want to talk to me now."

Dan had thought this over in his head many times on the way over. They needed Nate Archibald on their side. Without that everything would fall apart. But now he found himself searching words.

"We won't let it come to that. Listen Nate, you need to trust me...."

Nate didn't let him finish.

"Trust you?" he said it with such distaste as though the new batch of oysters being circulated had gone bad. "You have some nerve standing in front of me and asking me to trust you. Now get out of my line of sight before I punch you in your face. You can enjoy the leftovers on your way out. Consider that my engagement gift."

Having delivered the cut down that was somehow worse than Dan had ever imagined, Nate stormed off and was swallowed by the crowd within seconds. Having ruined the golden chance, Dan didn't know what he wanted to do next. Being back on the Upper East Side brought back so many memories. The party and the crowd around him had faces that felt familiar and intimidating as though they all knew how ineligible he was to be here.

He saw the crowd around the elevator and the unmistakable brazen figure of Chuck Bass and clenched his tooth. He might have forced Nate to confront him but he would rather confront Blair Waldorf herself than ever come face to face with one Chuck Bass. He headed towards the fire exit.

Having failed in his mission, he wonder what they would do next. They desperately needed Nate's help or else they had no way to proceed. It had been over four years and the more they delayed the more farther their goal seemed. Dan shook his head. He had completely forgotten that this was the first time he was facing Nate after proposing to Serena last month. This entire visit had the fingerprints of disaster all over it.

He rapidly climbed down the stairs with his thoughts raging and almost stumbled and fell on his head when he saw the gloomy figure sitting at the top of the stairs below him looking forlorn and lost. Dan stopped so suddenly he had to catch hold of the bannister for support. The noise he made didn't make the occupant of the staircase startle or even turn. She was lost in her thought.

Dan swore inaudibly. He really should be careful with what he wished for. His avoiding of Chuck Bass was rewarded by a run in with the man's wife. Blair sat with her blue silk gown pooled around her and it felt like she was floating in the ocean under the dimly lit staircase, the only thing glittering was her emerald necklace. She sat with her head in her palm, her hair delicately braided back to her nape. She shouldn't have missed Dan coming down the stairs, but a single tear gliding down her simple and ethereal face was his answer.

Dan was transfixed, because he really couldn't not stare. She looked like the damsels in one of the 50s movies she loved so much, waiting for someone to rescue her. And that would never be Dan Humphrey. The thought acted as a catalyst and he shook himself of the stupor that seeing her up close and vulnerable had put him in. He would never again try to be Blair's savior, been there done that and wore the scars. He walked down and cleared his throat.

"Excuse me." he said fearing he might need to touch her if she didn't respond. Maybe he would shake her bare shoulders or tap her arms that looked cold and in need of a jacket and a hug.

Blair looked up and blinked her eyes a couple of times. Dan felt a vice tighten around him. Four years. It had been four years since he had set his eyes on her and yet Blair Waldorf affected him the same.

"Dan?" she whispered so lightly that when Dan replayed the entire conversation on his way back to the airport he was sure she never said it.

"Humphrey!" came the expected exclaim as she rushed to stand.

Dan held his hand out just in case but Blair ignored it and stood up with flourish, picking her clutch and phone and wiping her tear somewhere along the way. This was done in such alacrity that when she stood face to face opposite him she looked her icy composed self, the Blair Waldorf the world was familiar with.

"I was just leaving." He muttered and tried to move around her billowy gown. The thing was huge and felt like it flowed endlessly.

"Still getting banished to fire exists I see." Blair commented.

"Well, I never much liked elevators."

Dan should have walked down, the path was cleared and Blair had gotten one snide comment out of her. But he saw her clutching the satin gown with white fingers and he couldn't resist turning back again. He really hadn't learnt anything had he?

"What's wrong?" he asked

He felt Blair startle as though shocked by the concern, but she turned on him in a second for him to confirm.

She looked adorably confused for a few seconds with that crinkle above her eyes. And then she titled her head and Dan smiled without realizing because he recognized the 'Blair Waldorf set down stance'.

"Just because you cut your hair and learnt to dress well doesn't mean we are friends again Humphrey." she said with narrowed eyes.

"Of course not" Dan said with a nod.

She frowned as though she wasn't sure not to say next. Everything about her was so familiar, fresh and new and old that he felt like he'd been stabbed in the chest. His eyes fell on the wedding ring on her clutched hand and he realized all he needed to do was be here for her now to get sucked back into the void of his past.

"How's Serena? Is she here?" Blair asked

"Ah no. I was in Hudson visiting my mother. Serena's in LA."

"Oh." she said softly.

Something wasn't right, Dan could tell. With Blair, you'll never be able to force anything out of her. If she wanted to share she will, you just have to wait. It felt like a defining moment. Was be ready to be a friend to Blair Waldorf? Just last month he'd felt like he'd finally recovered from his last attempt but this showed him how horribly wrong he was. He really wasn't ready to face another round in the torture chamber.

"I have to go Blair. I've to catch my flight at 1. I'll... I'll tell Serena I saw you." He said hoping to end this now before he opened any old scars.

"What?" Blair said looking shaken "What time is it?" She demanded

He looked from the phone in her hand to his watch. "11: 20"

"No!" She looked wild for a second and the tears that had looked shy a few moments ago rushed to her eyes. "I have to leave."

"What's wrong Blair? You're scaring me."

"Have you seen Chuck?"

"Yes he was near the elevators." He said and flinched. "Ah he was among the people there. He was entertaining a pretty big crowd."

She had turned to head towards the stairs up but hearing his pathetic cover up for the fact that he'd taken the fire exit to avoid Chuck Bass, she turned towards him and all her earlier chaotic energy seemed to fizz out of her.

"I.. I have to go too." Saying that she switched directions and started downstairs.

Dan didn't know whether to shake her, follow her or just let her go. He followed her, really there was no choice.

"Blair. come on let me help you. I know! I know I'm not your friend but I could lend a hand. Think of me as Serena's replacement."

Blair looked back for a sec and turned back again.

"I don't need any help. I just need to get home." She stopped walking and waited for him to catch up.

She looked unsure at him for a second and said "Henry's alone at home." And there came the tears again caught at the eyelids refusing to touch her cheeks.

"Alone? What do you mean alone?" He felt like his heart dropped. Had she left the kid all alone to come to the party?

"Well Dorota is with him." She said wiping away her tears. "But I've never stayed out late without him"

He almost laughed at the wretched expression on her face. But as his mirth subsided, he felt a sweet anguish as he realized Blair had become a wonderful mother.

"Blair you do realise Dorota practically raised you right?"

"Yes I do! But he likes it when I put him to sleep, me! Not Dorota."

Dan didn't know when he'd decided, but he would play her knight in drab armour tonight. It was inevitable. Blair Waldorf had just to look at him with pain in her eyes and he was ready for her to command. And what truly scared him was how he didn't mind it one bit.

"Well, let's get you to him them." He said and started walking downstairs.

"What?" came her confused voice

"I have my car waiting downstairs. I think I have the time to drop you and then leave to the airport. So let's get you home so you can tuck Henry in yourself. You're not going to find a cab anyway, they are on a strike or something."

When he didn't hear the sound of her stilettos he turned back to she was frozen on few steps behind him.

"You would do that?" She asked him in a haunted voice and they both knew in that moment the question asked so many other questions. And the need for her to know the answer and the need for him to reply was so strong they swayed towards each other. And he gave his answer with complete honesty.

"Always."