Chapter Text
08.12.2020
(20:46)
0422-XXXX: Hey.
0422-XXXX: It’s the guy from the restaurant this afternoon. I was debating whether or not to send you this message, but I feel it’s only fair I let you know.
0422-XXXX: I’m not interested.
0422-XXXX: I do appreciate you giving me your number, and I’m sure your confidence will treat you well in the future. But I likely won’t contact you any further than this.
0422-XXXX: Best wishes.
akira kurusu: ????????
akira kurusu: excuse me??
akira kurusu: i don’t remember giving anyone my number today????
akira kurusu: or going out, for that matter???
0422-XXXX: I must have the wrong number, then. Apologies for the inconvenience.
akira kurusu: np dude well done on the rejection
08.13.2020
(01:14)
akira kurusu: i lied
akira kurusu: that was an awful rejection
0422-XXXX: Excuse me?
akira kurusu: why’d you even text??? its not like they really knew you
akira kurusu: leaving them hanging would have been better than “I’m sure your confidence will treat you well in the future.”
akira kurusu: man who tf talks like that
akira kurusu: “I likely won’t contact you any further than this.”
akira kurusu: you’re turning them down not waitlisting them at a university
0422-XXXX: And you decided that 1 in the morning was the perfect time to give me communication advice?
akira kurusu: hey, no time like the present
0422-XXXX: Well.
0422-XXXX: I’ll keep that in mind, I suppose.
akira kurusu: you’re welcome
0422-XXXX: I refuse to thank you for giving me unwarranted advice at 1 in the morning.
akira kurusu: your loss
akira kurusu: then again considering the way you talk you probably won’t need my advice lol
0422-XXXX: Excuse me?
akira kurusu: read
0422-XXXX: I’ll have you know I find myself turning down people’s advances rather often.
akira kurusu: surprising
akira kurusu: impressed if anyone gets past the texting stage w you
akira kurusu: u type like a robot
0422-XXXX: That doesn’t seem to matter to most people.
akira kurusu: okay ?? self-centered much
0422-XXXX: Could you be any more insufferable?
akira kurusu: yes
akira kurusu: but dont worry
akira kurusu: I likely won’t contact you any further than this.
0422-XXXX: Are you mocking me?
akira kurusu: no
akira kurusu: bye ugly
0422-XXXX: Bye, imbecile.
(08:34)
akira kurusu: who tf are you calling an imbecile?
UGLY ROBOT: Good morning to you, too.
UGLY ROBOT: As you would say, “read”.
akira kurusu: LMAO
akira kurusu: sorry i wasn’t laughing at your text
akira kurusu: i was laughing at your contact name
UGLY ROBOT: You saved my number? I’m honored.
akira kurusu: yeah under ‘UGLY ROBOT’
akira kurusu: i don’t remember doing it but what a good decision on my part
UGLY ROBOT: Ugly robot?
UGLY ROBOT: Fine.
UGLY ROBOT: Saving your number under ‘Judgemental Moron’.
akira kurusu: capitalization kinda kills it tbh
UGLY ROBOT: No, it doesn’t.
UGLY ROBOT: Saved.
akira kurusu: aww you saved my number? i’m sure your confidence will treat you well in the future but i likely won’t contact you any further than this
UGLY ROBOT: Do you ever stop?
akira kurusu: no?????
akira kurusu: do you??
UGLY ROBOT: I never started.
akira kurusu: you literally texted first
UGLY ROBOT: It wasn’t intended for you.
UGLY ROBOT: Or was it?
UGLY ROBOT: Is this you? Is this your idea of revenge for me rejecting you?
akira kurusu: u r so twisted dude
akira kurusu: how would i have even come up with that
akira kurusu: first of all im 12
UGLY ROBOT: Seriously?
UGLY ROBOT: Jokes aside, if you’re actually 12, I’ll have to cut contact with you now.
akira kurusu: chill out what 12 year old talks like this
UGLY ROBOT: Sorry, I don’t exactly talk to 12 year olds often.
UGLY ROBOT: Are you 12? Be serious.
akira kurusu: no dude i’m 19
akira kurusu: promise
akira kurusu: scouts honor
akira kurusu: are you 80?
UGLY ROBOT: 80?
UGLY ROBOT: I’m only 60. Don’t be rude.
akira kurusu: oh sorry you’re just wise behind your years sir
UGLY ROBOT: I was joking.
akira kurusu: i know????
akira kurusu: whos the imbecile now
UGLY ROBOT: Still you.
UGLY ROBOT: Anyways.
UGLY ROBOT: I’m 20.
akira kurusu: didnt ask but thanks
UGLY ROBOT: Have you ever heard of manners?
akira kurusu: no, what are those?
akira kurusu: please explain them to me oh almighty dictionary
UGLY ROBOT: https://google.com/
UGLY ROBOT: That should aid you in your research.
akira kurusu: LMAO that’s the only funny thing you’ve said all day
akira kurusu: im using that
UGLY ROBOT: It’s only 10 AM. Give me time.
akira kurusu: implying that you’re going to keep texting me?
akira kurusu: and you thought i was the one interested in you?
UGLY ROBOT: You’re less boring than my day job. That, I’ll give you.
akira kurusu: day job?
akira kurusu: for some reason i thought you’d be in college
akira kurusu: the grammar really gives me snobby student vibes
UGLY ROBOT: Disregard that.
UGLY ROBOT: I’m afraid I’ve given you too much information about myself.
akira kurusu: ...all you told me is that u have a job
akira kurusu: omg are you a spy
akira kurusu: or like . a murderer
UGLY ROBOT: No and no.
UGLY ROBOT: I am in college, though. Along with the job. It’s just really time-consuming.
UGLY ROBOT: My schedule’s odd.
akira kurusu: ohhh i see
akira kurusu: well you’re less boring than class.. that, ill give you
UGLY ROBOT: Ha.
(11:01)
ann ♡: if your phone buzzes one more time, i’m selling you out to prof kawakami
akira kurusu: NOO you would never
ann ♡: where are all the notifs coming from anyway??
ann ♡: you have like 3 friends??
ann ♡: and 1 of them is SITTING IN FRONT OF YOU IN CLASS BEGGING YOU TO AT LEAST PUT YOUR PHONE ON DO NOT DISTURB
akira kurusu: fine
ann ♡: thank you!! <3
ann ♡: crepes at 4? when your english class ends? ryuji’s invited too
akira kurusu: id love nothing more
(11:14)
akira kurusu: me. u. ann. crepes after english
⚠ ryuji ⚠: u payin?
akira kurusu: ann’s paying
⚠ ryuji ⚠: i’m in
(11:16)
akira kurusu: you’re paying
ann ♡: i’m what?
(11:18)
akira kurusu: ayo ugly sorry if i respond less often
akira kurusu: i just got yelled at for having my phone out in class
UGLY ROBOT: By the professor? I’m sorry for distracting you.
akira kurusu: no
akira kurusu: by my gf
akira kurusu: youre not distracting me LOL its fine
(12:19)
⚠ ryuji ⚠: lunch on the art building roof as usual?
ann ♡: yes !!
yusuke my love: i’ll be late, i’m finishing up a project.
my queen: of course the roof. why would you assume otherwise?
akira kurusu: idk makoto maybe if you didn’t sneak off with haru last week…
milady: what?
my queen: what?
ann ♡: you heard him!!
⚠ ryuji ⚠: yea >:( usually you 2 are the first people there so i got confused!!
milady: we’re sorry!!!
milady: we’ll warn you guys next time!!!!!
my queen: we’ll what?
(13:51)
UGLY ROBOT: You have a girlfriend?
UGLY ROBOT: That surprises me.
akira kurusu: what’s that supposed to mean
UGLY ROBOT: Read.
akira kurusu: its so not funny when you say it
akira kurusu: anyway no . that was a jokey joke
akira kurusu: no gf
akira kurusu: i mean, ann’s great and we tried it for a bit
akira kurusu: but no gf
UGLY ROBOT: Ann?
akira kurusu: my not-gf
UGLY ROBOT: I gathered as much.
UGLY ROBOT: I just think it’s odd that I now know the name of a girl who’s not your girlfriend, even though I’ve yet to learn your name.
akira kurusu: oooo you wanna kiss me so bad
UGLY ROBOT: ????
UGLY ROBOT: First of all, you’re 12.
akira kurusu: did the robot just make a joke?????
akira kurusu: is the world ending???
UGLY ROBOT: I’ve made multiple jokes over the course of our conversations.
UGLY ROBOT: I do understand, though, if you’re too stupid to have picked up on them.
akira kurusu: aaand there we go back to normal
UGLY ROBOT: Define “normal”?
akira kurusu: https://google.com/
akira kurusu: that should aid you in your research
(14:09)
ann ♡: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE NOISE
akira kurusu: im literally on dnd what do u want from me
ann ♡: it’s not about the notifs
ann ♡: its about the fact that youve laughed like twice now
akira kurusu: i have not LAUGHED
ann ♡: your fake coughing isnt as good as u think it is
ann ♡: who are you texting that could be that funny????
ann ♡: i’ve never made you laugh in class??
akira kurusu: youre not funny??
ann ♡: consider your crepes unpaid for
akira kurusu: ann
akira kurusu: ann it was a joke
akira kurusu: ann i was being sarcastic
akira kurusu: because you’re the funniest girl alive
akira kurusu: and also the most beautiful
akira kurusu: and also the smartest
akira kurusu: well that one might be a long shot
akira kurusu: don’t glare at me like that
akira kurusu: that was also a joke
akira kurusu: ann i love u
akira kurusu: you are perfect in every way
akira kurusu: i’ll be super quiet from now on too
ann ♡: omg akira the crepes are like 200 yen
ann ♡: how broke r u to be groveling like this??
akira kurusu: no comment
akira kurusu: will you take pity on a poor man
ann ♡: fine
ann ♡: only if you stay REAL quiet for the rest of the day
akira kurusu: marry me?
ann ♡: let’s elope
(15:51)
UGLY ROBOT: Good one.
UGLY ROBOT: Very original.
UGLY ROBOT: I’m contacting your board of academics and reporting you for plagiarism.
akira kurusu: jokes on you im dropping out soon anyway
UGLY ROBOT: Really?
UGLY ROBOT: Why?
akira kurusu: to become a stripper
UGLY ROBOT: And here I thought I was going to learn another interesting fact about you.
akira kurusu: every fact about me is interesting
UGLY ROBOT: Debatable.
(16:01)
⚠ ryuji ⚠: WHERE R U
⚠ ryuji ⚠: ann and i are WAITING
⚠ ryuji ⚠: she wants to know if ur texting the mystery man
⚠ ryuji ⚠: i didn’t even kno u were texting a mystery man!!!!!
⚠ ryuji ⚠: deets when????
(16:02)
ann ♡: could u be ANY slower??
akira kurusu: GIVE ME ONE MINUTE BABE I SWEAR
(16:02)
akira kurusu: brb
akira kurusu: going on a date
UGLY ROBOT: You never fail to surprise me.
akira kurusu: it’s not an actual date in case that one got you too
UGLY ROBOT: At this point I’m just going to assume everything you say is a joke.
akira kurusu: amazing decision im nvr serious
akira kurusu: ok seriously my friends are bothering me bye
akira kurusu: have fun w your day job sorry i cant unbore u forever <3
UGLY ROBOT: Enjoy your date.
(16:38)
akira kurusu: dfkgjHIIIIII
akira kurusu: NICE TO MEET YOU MYSTERY MAN
akira kurusu: ITS ANN AND RFbvnhd
akira kurusu: Attachment: 1 Audio Message
(17:26)
akira kurusu: I AM NEVER FORGIVING YOU TWO FOR HIJACKING MY PHONE
ann ♡: oops!!
ann ♡: sorry!!
ann ♡: :)
akira kurusu: not worth the free crepes.
⚠ ryuji ⚠: dude
⚠ ryuji ⚠: you talked ab this guy for like 10 min straight
⚠ ryuji ⚠: as if he wasnt literally just a wrong number text
⚠ ryuji ⚠: from LAST NIGHT
ann ♡: if he was that important to you we just wanted to say hi!!
(17:39)
UGLY ROBOT: Attachment: 1 Audio Message
(17:40)
akira kurusu: PAUSE
akira kurusu: HE SENT A VOICE MESSAGE BACK
⚠ ryuji ⚠: here we go again
ann ♡: ‘i just think hes neat’
⚠ ryuji ⚠: time for another 10 min rant
akira kurusu: his voice…
ann ♡: SCREEN RECORD RN !!!!
⚠ ryuji ⚠: or dont… sum of us dont wanna hear u pine for this random guy AGAIN
akira kurusu: Attachment: 1 Video
ann ♡: ….omg
⚠ ryuji ⚠: ayo…
(18:11)
akira kurusu: im so sorry my friends took my phone
akira kurusu: as you can tell i guess
akira kurusu: ..cool voice tho
UGLY ROBOT: Thanks.
UGLY ROBOT: Tell your friends I’m sorry my message wasn’t as long as theirs, I was on my way to class.
akira kurusu: u have no obligation to them its ok
akira kurusu: they are THE WORST
UGLY ROBOT: Do tell.
akira kurusu: sakamoto is my roommate. track star. engineering major. never shuts up
akira kurusu: takamaki is ann. fashion design. bought me crepes so i can’t slander her yet
UGLY ROBOT: Somehow it’s unsurprising that buying you food ensures your silence.
UGLY ROBOT: I really do know far more about your friends than I do you at this point, don’t I?
akira kurusu: my only personality trait is being friends w them so its fine
UGLY ROBOT: So you won’t be telling me about yourself, then?
akira kurusu: spilling my life story to a wrong-number text? no thank you
UGLY ROBOT: That’s fair.
UGLY ROBOT: Then again, most wrong-number texts don’t often hold conversations that last this long.
akira kurusu: that’s also fair
UGLY ROBOT: Do we plan on continuing our correspondence?
akira kurusu: u are ANNOYINGLY straightforward
akira kurusu: its not that serious
akira kurusu: but i mean yeah this is hilarious im down if you are
(20:47)
⚠ ryuji ⚠: omw back from gym
⚠ ryuji ⚠: prep some ramen for me plzzz
akira kurusu: thats not a very sound fitness practice
(21:25)
UGLY ROBOT: Alright.
UGLY ROBOT: There was no harm in asking.
akira kurusu: i guess??
akira kurusu: so, mr. desperate, whats your name?
UGLY ROBOT: Desperate?
UGLY ROBOT: Sorry for the lapses in my replies, by the way. Unlike you, apparently, I pay attention in class.
akira kurusu: hey
akira kurusu: i pay attention >:(
akira kurusu: not my fault youre distracting me
UGLY ROBOT: Attachment: 1 Screenshot
UGLY ROBOT: This you?
(22:34)
akira kurusu: I JUST GOT “THIS YOU”D BY HIM???
our local hacker ;): LMFAO BY WHO
⚠ ryuji ⚠: his new bf he wont shut up about
akira kurusu: WRONG CHAT
akira kurusu: SHUT UP RYUJI???
ann ♡: ryuji’s right!!!! but he has my stamp of approval
yusuke my love: whose boyfriend?
my queen: i do love a good ‘this you’.
akira kurusu: i literally met him like yesterday
our local hacker ;): ??????ok and??????
yusuke my love: you’ve said more about people you’ve met in shorter periods of time.
yusuke my love: i’ve heard many affectionate comments about complete strangers.
milady: OOH like that girl he met the one time he went to church!!
our local hacker ;): or the hot starbucks baristas he constantly tries to seduce
⚠ ryuji ⚠: or ann, seconds after meeting her
⚠ ryuji ⚠: or makoto, seconds after meeting her
akira kurusu: that’s enough
⚠ ryuji ⚠: or haru, seconds after meeting her
⚠ ryuji ⚠: or yusuke, whispered in my ear during the meeting
akira kurusu: i’m outta here
(22:57)
akira kurusu: im not acknowledging that
akira kurusu: anyways i take back what i said about my personality and my friends i actually have none now i hate them all
UGLY ROBOT: Being friendless seems more in-character for you.
akira kurusu: youre the worst
akira kurusu: id be able to insult you better if i knew your name
(23:04)
akira kurusu: he keeps dipping every time i ask him his name
akira kurusu: as if its that big a deal??
ann ♡: maybe he’s shy!!! he sounds like the shy type his voice is soo soft and refined
akira kurusu: he did freak out when he accidentally told me he had a job
ann ♡: see!! he could be a lil paranoid that’s so cute
akira kurusu: i cant believe youre encouraging this
ann ♡: your life’s been boring lately
ann ♡: and his VOICE!!!
ann ♡: imagine how good a story this’ll be to tell your kids
akira kurusu: our KIDS?
akira kurusu: maybe if i knew his name
(00:22)
⚠ ryuji ⚠: GO 2 BED I’M TAKIN U ON A RUN EARLY TMRW!!!
akira kurusu: no tf youre not
⚠ ryuji ⚠: yes i am!!!!!
⚠ ryuji ⚠: sleep!!!!
akira kurusu: why are you texting me
akira kurusu: too chicken to yell at me?
(00:46)
⚠ ryuji ⚠: quit texting mystery man and sleep SRSLY
akira kurusu: we’re not even texting rn jokes on you
akira kurusu: pls dont yell at me again give me a sec
⚠ ryuji ⚠: don’t tell me ur waiting up on a text from a guy whose name u dont even kno
(00:50)
UGLY ROBOT: Akechi.
UGLY ROBOT: My name is Goro Akechi.
(00:51)
akira kurusu: i’ll have you know his name is GORO AKECHI
⚠ ryuji ⚠: and when did you find that out
(00:52)
akira kurusu: akira kurusu
akira kurusu: pleasure to meet you goro akechi
goro akechi: Pleased to make your acquaintance.
akira kurusu: aww rlly??
goro akechi: No.
goro akechi: Good night.