Chapter Text
7
“Mum, what time are they coming?” Caitlyn asks again, her feet bouncing off the pavement as she looks left and right toward the end of the block.
Cassandra glances at her watch for the umpteenth time and feels her anger grow. They aren’t coming at all, that much is obvious now. Fifteen RSVPs, and not one parent bothering to call and cancel. Manners are lost, and Cassandra knows there’s nothing she can do to shield her little girl from the pain of disappointment.
Caitlyn is wearing her teal knickerbockers and her favorite blouse today, picked out last week when she was planning out the whole day. Autumn has started off rather mild and Caitlyn was glad she could show off the tiny leaves and pinecones embroidered on her collar.
She’s clutching her notebook against her chest, excited to show her friends the ‘play plans’: She’s hidden her stuffed animals and dropped clues all over the house on how to find them. She’s buckled and unbuckled her shoes while waiting, impatient for her birthday party to start.
The decorations are set, the cookies are on the plates, the chips in the bowls, the cups all tagged with her new friends’ names in neat cursive, or as neat as a seven-year-old can get.
One hour past the invitation, Cassandra doesn’t know how to break the news to her daughter. Her friends aren’t coming — not a single one of them.
“I have an idea, sweetheart. Why don’t we put some of the snacks in your adventure bag and go to the park? We’ll get ice cream, feed the ducks with the leftover peas–”
“But what about my party?” Caitlyn asks, confused by the sudden suggestion.
“We can have a different kind; just you and I today.”
“I don’t understand,” Caitlyn replies quietly, glancing around. “Shouldn’t we wait for my friends?”
Cassandra takes her hand as they walk back inside the house. “This is all my fault.”
“Your fault?” Caitlyn repeats.
Cassandra kneels in front of her in the foyer. “Caitlyn… I’ve just realised that I forgot to send the invitations. I was so busy that I convinced myself I did, when they must still be on my desk at work. I am so, so sorry. I’ve made a horrible mistake and you’ve every right to be angry with me.”
Caitlyn’s shoulders fall as her mother’s explanation sinks in. “But you said they were coming...”
“I must’ve gotten confused speaking with the parents. I think they meant they had early Halloween parties, and… Well, you know how it’s been with the move, with all those calls to make and documents to fill. I’ve lost my head, but that’s no excuse for ruining your birthday.”
It is a terrible thing to lie to her child, and Cassandra knows that one day she'll come to realise the truth. For now, Caitlyn is overwhelmed with disappointment, her eyes shining with tears and her bottom lip trembling.
“They’re not coming?”
Cassandra brushes her thumb against the back of Caitlyn’s hand. “No, sweetheart, they’re not.”
Caitlyn seems stunned, unable to process the crash of her emotions. “O-oh, o-okay,” she says between deep breaths.
Cassandra’s heart squeezes in her chest. Every day, she faces the cruelty of grief and the agony of lonely nights after twenty years next to the man she loved. Every day, she grapples with the silence of depression and with the ghosts of happier memories, but it all seems like a dull ache in comparison to the wreck of watching her child lose her joy.
All at once, Cassandra feels the profound drain of this move across the country. At first there were distractions, and welcome ones at that, but now that they’re fully settled, that the moving boxes are all gone, that the lists are all ticked off and the furniture is all in place… Now she must face the reality that the world has kept on turning, and that Caitlyn cannot be shielded from the pain of growing up.
Cassandra feels paralyzing despair when it strikes her, until Caitlyn throws her arms around her neck and squeezes her tightly.
“It’s okay, mum. Don’t cry.”
Cassandra wraps her little girl in the embrace, feeling like a selfish dreck for even showing weakness when it’s her child needing the comfort. She thinks of Tobias and how he always had the right words, always had the right smile, and prays that she can have an ounce of his strength today.
“You are my sweetest darling,” she tells her, pulling back to fix Caitlyn's collar and squeeze her shoulders. “We’re going to eat until our eyes pop today. All those chocolate bars are just for us, and then we’re going to CandyCove and the park!”
Caitlyn smiles, but Cassandra can see the light in her eyes has dimmed.