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Published:
2018-10-13
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1/1
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Drunk History: HEROES

Summary:

“SO THEN THIS LUNATIC-”

“URARAKA!”

“MANIFESTS HIS QUIRK THEREBY BREAKING HIS ARM AND LEGS-”

“IT WAS FINE!”

“AND DECIMATES THAT ZERO POINTER!”

The group sprawled out all around the couches burst out laughing as Shinsou sighed and smiled from behind the camera. When the group agreed to be on “Drunk History: HEROES” to talk about UA’s most famous and influential class, he knew they didn’t know what they were getting into. So there he was, off camera due to his status as an underground hero, watching the 19 remaining students talk about their first year as hero students in this three part special.

Based off the prompt by @RRONANLLYNCH on twitter

Notes:

this is a hot ass mess I hope you enjoy and shoutout to Dom's discord for the help at the end

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“SO THEN THIS LUNATIC-”

“URARAKA!”

“MANIFESTS HIS QUIRK THEREBY BREAKING HIS ARM AND LEGS-”

“IT WAS FINE!”

“AND DECIMATES THAT ZERO POINTER!”

The group sprawled out all around the couches burst out laughing as Shinsou sighed and smiled from behind the camera. When the group agreed to be on “Drunk History: HEROES” to talk about UA’s most famous and influential class, he knew they didn’t know what they were getting into. So there he was, off camera due to his status as an underground hero, watching the 19 remaining students talk about their first year as hero students in this three part special.

“Now that we’ve gone through your entrance exams, how did your first day of classes go?” the interviewer, Hina, asked.

“I almost got expelled!” Midoriya shouted.

“Midoriya, you can’t just say that as the number one hero without an explanation!” Iida scolded, almost slamming his cup down on one of the side tables. “Our teacher decided to give us a quirk assessment as soon as class started-”

“I still don’t know what the opening ceremony looks like to this day.” Satou interrupted.

“He told us that whoever places last will be expelled, and since Midoriya couldn’t use his quirk, he was last. Luckily for us it was a ‘logical ruse.’” he finished, adding air quotes at the end.

“How did Hagakure beat him anyways?” Shouji asked.

“He wishes he has my stamina.” Hagakure replied, shaking a bottle in Midoriya’s direction.

“You’re so fucking powerful, Hagakure.” Midoriya whispered, getting a bit teary eyed. Noticing where this was leading, Kirishima lept into the conversation. “Sooooo our first day was spent traumatized by our teacher’s sheer power.”

“I miss Sensei.” Iida decided to add.

“We all saw him yesterday for dinner.” Jirou reminded him.

“I miss Sensei.” he repeated, electing to ignore her.

“Day two was an even bigger mess for Midoriya.” Ojiro began. “First lesson with All Might.”

“Ah yes, 1-A’s first look into the Asshole Katsuki saga.” Ashido sighed.

“There’s a fucking name!?” Bakugou yelled as he got up. He didn’t make it very far however as Kirishima grabbed the back of his shirt and dragged him back.

“Okay, who decided to give All Might a teaching license.” Yaoyorozu said, getting up from where she was lying down on Jirou and placing her wine glass down. She looked to the camera and sighed. “All Might, I know you’re going to be watching this so I am asking you, who let you be qualified for this. Was it Nedzu? He’s smarter than that and you know it.”

Her plead caused another wave of laughter to hit the class. Apparently, a drunk Yaoyorozu was still a sweetheart, but her filter seemed nonexistent.

“I thought he did fine during our first year.” Midoriya interjected.

“Izuku, I watched your exam with Bakugou. ‘Fine’ is pretty lenient.” Todoroki sighed.

“I thought it went well.” Midoriya replied.

“HE THREW ME AT YOU!” Bakugou finally exploded.

“WE BOTH KNOW YOU DESERVED IT!” Midoriya shot back.

“ANYWAYS!” Uraraka interrupted, being the only one brave enough to get in between those two, “USJ!”

“BABY’S FIRST VILLAIN ATTACK!”

“BABY’S FIRST BRUSH WITH DEATH!”

“WOO!” the class cheered before falling into an uncomfortable silence at the memories. They were soon brought out of their depressing thoughts by one blunt comment. “Shigaraki sure was ugly.” Tsuyu stated. The mood was soon lightened once again as everyone added their two cents about their enemy.

“Do you think he’s ever heard of chapstick?”

“Or moisturizer?”

“League of Villains was such a stupid name. He’s so stupid.”

“You know who else is stupid.” Midoriya whispered, staring out into the distance. “Shouto.”

“I HAVE A POINT!” Todoroki shouted.

“NO YOU DON’T WE LOOK NOTHING ALIKE!”

“Todoroki, we can’t keep doing this.” Iida told his friend.

“Seems like there’s a story behind this.” Hina said, hiding her laughter. “Care to explain?”

“It happened during the Sports Festival.” Iida explained, calmly taking another sip. “Todoroki simply asked if there was any relation between Midoriya and All Might.”

“HE FUCKING ASKED, AND I QUOTE, ‘ARE YOU ALL MIGHT’S SECRET LOVECHILD?’” Kaminari interjected, yelling over the rest of the class’s howling laughter. Todoroki, now four drinks in, threw his composure out window and he stood up and addressed the camera.

“FIRST OF ALL,” he began. “They essentially have the same quirk. Not to mention that All Might dotes on Izuku, calls him ‘my boy’, and one time in class, Izuku said ‘thanks dad’ to him.”

“I SAID ‘THANKS MAN!’”

“STOP SUPPRESSING INFORMATION FROM THE PUBLIC, MIDORI!” Ashido called out.

“Someone please talk about the binder.” Sero requested. Hina looked over the excited faces of the heroes and asked, “What binder?”

Tokoyami opened his mouth to explain but was quickly tackled by Todoroki who shouted, “There’s no binder!” before he himself was pinned down by Shouji, allowing Tokoyami to explain. “In our second year, he got his wisdom teeth removed and instead of using his off time to rest, he filled a three inch binder with conspiracy theories including different familial relations in UA.”

“Highlights included Lemillion and All Might, Suneater and Midnight, Mt. Lady and Bakugou, and Kirishima and Real Steel.” Satou explained. Shinsou could practically see the gears in Hina’s head attempt to turn. “To get back on track, besides that eventful conversation, that was your very first Sports Festival, so you all must have been very nervous.”

“The third round was definitely quite stressful, especially with Midoriya trying to kill himself in his second fight.” Yaoyorozu said. Everyone except Midoriya nodded in agreement as the thought back to that day. “That was the day we learned that Midoriya seemed determined to become a boneless blob.” Jirou added.

“Okay real talk though that was some of the most romantic shit I’ve ever seen.” Ochako said. “Like, can you imagine having your future husband, aka a guy you’ve never spoken to, risk not only his shot at winning but also c-continuously break himself in order for you to get past the mental b-barrier you’ve struggled with for y-years?” As Ochako spoke, she began getting more and more choked up over the battle between two of her best friends. Iida shifted over towards her and began rubbing her back as she continued. “And then topping it all off b-by yelling-”

“IT’S YOUR POWER, TODOROKI!” 18 voices screamed out. Shinsou now noticed that Ochako wasn’t the only one who got worked up. Midoriya, Kouda, Kirishima, Iida, and Yaoyorozu were some of the few that were also quite teary eyed. He picked up one of the tissue boxes off to the side and threw it onto the set for everyone to use. Shinsou saw Todoroki grab Midoriya’s head and pull him in to plant a kiss on his forehead. Midoriya looked up at him in awe. “You’re my fucking dream.” he whispered.

“You guys are fucking gross.” Bakugou said, seemingly unaware of the fact that he was playing with Kirishima’s hair. “First year was a fucking sham because someone didn’t give me a good fucking fight. Can you guess what that asshole did?”

“What did he do?” Hina asked.

“HE DIDN’T USE HIS FULL FUCKING POWER! WHY DID DEKU GET THE FIRE?”

“You don’t have all the facts Bakugou.” Todoroki said.

“Which are?”

“I love him.”

“I DON’T CARE!”

“You seemed to care quite a lot when you came in second to Momo in the next Sports Festival.” Jirou giggled.

“Then again, I also wouldn’t be pleased if someone hit me in the face with a fire extinguisher.” Todoroki added.

“If it was Yaomomo, then I’d be okay with it.” Hagakure said, gaining a nod of approval from half the class, much to Yaoyorozu’s confusion. “She actually was the reason Todoroki passed the practical exam. She’s so smart.”

“How did the exam go for all of you?” Hina asked.

“FUCK!” Kaminari screamed out. “You know what those sadists did to Ashido and I? We’re at the bottom of the class, certified dumbasses, and you know which teacher we had to fight?”

“FUCKING NEDZU!” Ashido continued on. “I get that we were paired off like that because of weaknesses but DAMN.”

“At least you guys weren’t hurt at all.” Jirou grumbled. “Kouda and I couldn’t hear for two hours after our fight with Present Mic.”

“I got over my fear of bugs though!” Kouda added quietly. “We’re all so proud of you, mon ami.” Aoyama told him, causing Kouda to hide his blushing face in his hands.

“We all were allowed to go to the summer training camp even though some of us failed.” Kirishima trailed off looking at Bakugou concerned. “Katsuki, you cool with this part?”

1-A’s concern quickly went away as Bakugou gave his husband a feral grin. “Like hell I’d pass up telling the extras how I fought one to six against those villain fucks.”

“Bakugou, I’m sure Hina just wants to know about our reaction to All Might’s last fight.” Tsuyu told him. “It’s been ten years though so hopefully we don’t need the tissues.”

“Deku sobbed like a bitch.” Bakugou told the camera, earning an offended noise from his friend. “I didn’t expect his true form to be revealed like that, okay?” Midoriya shot back. As he reached over to take a tissue and began bickering with Bakugou, the rest of the class, Shinsou included, shared a confused look.

“Midoriya, did you already know about All Might’s true form?” Tokoyami asked. The argument was cut off as Midoriya froze, eyes wide as Bakugou began cackling. “You fucking idiot!”

“I FOUND OUT BY ACCIDENT, OKAY?” Midoriya yelled out, his face growing more and more red. “That was a really scary day for everyone.”

“Is it true that you, Creati, Ingenium, Shouto, and Red Riot all snuck off to save Ground Zero?” Hina asked.

“First of all, they didn’t ‘save’ me. I just-”

“Yeah, we totally did.” Kirishima replied.

“It was a risky plan but it worked out nonetheless.” Iida added.

“Are you sure you guys weren’t drinking then too?” Sero asked. “You plan involved flying through the air and hoping Blasty would blast himself into the air to hold Kirishima’s hand.”

“I would blast myself into the air too if it meant I could hold my bro’s hand.” Kaminari added.

“‘It’s your power’ versus ‘take my hand.’ FIGHT!” Ashido giggled.

“The winner would be 'you’re next' mon ami.” Aoyama answered. “I’m no villain but even I was left shaking at that.”

“Dad Might is so awesome.” Jirou said with a smile. “It’s crazy how the same guy who shook the country with those two words is the same guy who once went a whole week trying to use teen slang as a teaching method.”

“I once woke up in a cold sweat because in my dream I remembered All Might telling me how great it was that Dark Shadow ‘yote’ my opponent. He said yeet it in the past.” Tokoyami said, a haunted look in his eyes.

“You all must have gotten to know All Might much more with the UA dorms being implemented.” Hina commented.

“Those FUCKING DORMS!” Iida suddenly burst out, shocking everyone who heard him. It was then when Shinsou noticed Iida putting his glass down next to the near empty bottle next to him. Drunk Iida was finally upon them. “I love you all, I really do, but living with you those first few months were a fucking nightmare.”

“Why is that?” Hina asked as she watched the rest of the class shift farther away from Iida.

“I set up so many rules.” Iida whispered before raising his voice. “No one can follow any of the FUCKING RULES.”

“I don’t think it was that bad.” Todoroki commented.

Iida glared, yes glared, at his friend before raising a hand and counting on each finger. “Kaminari would always stick a fork in the outlet for energy even if it gave us blackouts, Kirishima would continue to use his quirk when he bumped into things and break the furniture, Tsuyu would flood her room, Satou would bake at 3 am, and Todoroki would ignore his permanent kitchen ban and try and cook. These were only the first five rules I made on day two.”

“I think we can all agree that despite what Drunk Iida says, the dorms really brought us all closer together.” Yaoyorozu said with a smile. The fear in the air dissipated quickly as everyone shared a smile with each other. Shinsou looked over to Kaminari who gave him a bright grin.

“Adjusting to them was pretty tricky at first, especially since some of us had internships to deal with at the same time.” Kirishima said.

“Ah, yes! Red Riot, you were the first of your classmates to debut, correct? You surely made a name for yourself at just 15.” Hina asked. Kirishima’s face quickly matched his hair as he blushed at her words, giving Bakugou the opportunity to answer for him. “You see this motherfucker right here?” he asked, pointing to Kirishima. He looked at the rest of his nodding classmates before continuing. “His first fucking mission, he takes down a villain with some crazy ass blade quirk. You know what he does when he got hurt?” At this point, everyone’s eyes were trained on Bakugou as they listened to a story they’ve all heard before.

“He went unbreaka-”

“HE WENT UNBREAKABLE!”

“Holy shit.” Sero whispered.

“He’s so fucking cool.” Kaminari added. Kirishima’s red face remained as he hid his face in his hands and tried to hide behind Bakugou. “I love you guys.” his muffled voice said.

“We love you too, Kirishima.” Shouji replied.

“The following mission had the debuts of Uravity, Froppy, and Deku too.” Hina read off the paper. “Taking down the Eight Precepts was no minor thing.”

“Deku broke his bones again!” Uraraka blurted out.

“Technically I didn’t!” Midoriya shot back. “Recovery Girl’s new part time assistant reversed.”

“YOUR BODY BEING REVERSED DOESN’T MAKE YOUR INJURIES NOT HAPPEN!” Uraraka yelled back.

“I’ve gotten better, though!”

“He really has. Last week he broke 5 arms and only one of them was his.” Todoroki commented.

A brief silence fell over everyone as they processed what was said before Hina stood up from her chair. “We’ve been going for quite a while. How about we take a break and then I can start on the one on one talks about each other?”

The group agreed before getting up and making their way to the bathrooms or to freshen up. Kaminari headed over to where Shinsou stood and threw his arm over his shoulder to keep him upright. “One on one time should be interesting. I want to tell her about the time Bakugou taught a six year old how to swear.”

“Now that you guys are separated, I think it’ll go a lot smoother.” Shinsou replied.

It didn’t.

 

 

“Now although All Might was in his prime during his Golden Age, I actually believe his Silver Age was his best era due to-”

“Deku this is fascinating but I just want to know what your favourite lesson with him was.”

“I’m getting there.”

 

 

“THEN FUCKING DEKU HAS THE AUDACITY TO WALK BY ME!”

“I see.”

“WHO GAVE HIM THE FUCKING RIGHT?”

“Uh huh.”

 

 

“AND YOU KNOW WHAT?”

“Yes Uravity?”

“I TOTALLY WHOOPED HIS ASS IN THAT FIRST FIGHT. WHERE IS HE? WHERE’S BAKUGOU? WE’RE HAVING A REMATCH! RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!”

“Ingenium, please come back.”

 

 

“Did you know Endeavour doesn’t know how to hard boil an egg? What an idiot. Who trusted him to be number one anyways.”

“Didn’t Ingenium mention earlier that you were banned from the kitchen because you couldn’t cook?”

“I’m not number one it doesn’t count.”

 

 

“This kind of behaviour is absolutely inappropriate. Your appearance is so disheveled for an interview and to think you are a pro hero as well is absolutely-”

“Mr. Ingenium, please stop talking to your reflection in the camera.”

 

 

“I was robbed of the world’s greatest hero name, okay? I love ‘Pinky’ but you can’t tell me ‘Alien Queen’ isn’t super badass.”

“It does hold quite a bit of power.”

“Midnight, if you’re watching this, I hope you know how wrong you were.”

 

 

“So then Kyouka went up to the mic and started to sing and she was just so beautiful I almost forgot to start playing the piano.”

“So how did you end up asking her out?”

“Well with the advice from the girls, I composed a song on the piano just for her and played it for her. I then played it again when I proposed and- Hina-san are you crying?”

 

 

“So I guess you can say that land is always on the mind of a flying bird.”

“Did you learn that under your internship with Hawks, Tsukuyomi?”

“Yes. He read it from a fortune cookie and it really resonated with us.”

 

 

“Well Madame Hina, my worst punishment at UA was a month’s worth of detention for starting a fire.”

“A fire?”

“If Monsieur Kirishima refused to burn, then his shoes had to.”

 

 

“I just think it’s SO MANLY-”

“Red Riot, do you need a tissue?”

“Yes please. It’s just SO MANLY that you are able to put up with us when we’re all such a mess.”

 

 

“My internship with Ryukyu was a wonderful experience. I especially liked kicking all those villain’s asses, kero.”

“You’re a lot more blunt when drunk, Froppy.”

“Thank you.”

 

 

“So yeah, that was my experience during the Sports Festival.”

“Chargebolt, are you aware that you went on a ten minute rant in English?”

“Oh. Oops?”

 

 

*“I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO JUST WHISPER WHEN SHARING SECRETS.”

“Did you hear a lot of things at UA, Earphone Jack?”

“TOO MUCH!”

 

 

“So that would be my favourite lesson in All Might’s class. Wait, where is everyone?”

“We had you go last because we knew you’d take so long. Everyone left 30 minutes ago. Your purple haired friend is here to drive you home, Deku.”

“Even Shouto left?”

“Ground Zero dragged him out.”

Notes:

thanks for reading!

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