Chapter Text
Jimin was fourteen the first time the strip on his wrist changed color. Everyone had a strip on their wrist; it was their soulmate mark. He didn’t really understand soul mates, just knew the black strip on his wrist represented the hair color of someone who is destined to love him. It was rare for someone in Korea to have a soulmate mark that wasn’t black since idols are mainly the ones who dye their hair fancy colors. Because of this, Jimin had expected for his strip to stay black and only black and was massively surprised to see the strip whitening to an almost platinum color when he was in the middle of an algebra test. It took about an hour for the strip to change completely and Jimin had been so surprised by it that he had completely forgotten about the test, just staring at his wrist mesmerized for the whole hour they had. It was the first test he had ever failed. Jimin was fourteen when his soul mate mark changed color for the first time, and he’d soon find out that it wouldn’t be the last.
Yoongi was sixteen the first time he’d decided to dye his hair. He’d been a little foolish then, depressed beyond reason and focusing what little light still existed inside of him into hope for finding his soulmate. Soulmate: a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner. That was the technical definition, but Yoongi knew there was more to it than that; he’d seen it in his parents’ eyes when they’d take a break from fighting, though he didn’t know how to describe it. Yoongi wanted that kinda love for himself (minus the constant arguing), had spent sixteen years dreaming of the person who could chase his demons away. He’d picked up the bottle of bleach on impulse, but as he slathered it into his hair he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. Anything that made it easier for his soulmate to find him was worth it.
Jimin was fifteen when he bought the color book. It was an impulse buy; he’d seen it on the shelf of their local bookstore and just knew he had to have it. There wasn’t much to the book since it just supposedly cataloged every seeable color and gave the meaning for the colors that had one, but now Jimin would be able to give the various colors his soulmate dyed their hair actual names versus vague descriptions like light blue and dark pink. Some of his friends found it a little weird that he kept a notebook specifically for his soulmate’s hair colors, but this was all Jimin had to connect him to the mysterious person that he was going to be able to call his one day, and he was going to milk it for all it was worth.
Yoongi was seventeen when people started making fun of his hair. It was because the new kid, Jinyoung, had decided his life’s mission was to torture Yoongi to ensure his rise to the top of popularity. After all, nothing seemed to make you more popular in high school than being attractive and a bully. Yoongi took it all in stride though, walking the school hallways with his head held high. But, sometimes, late at night when his defenses against his demons were exhausted, he’d lay there and wonder if it was worth it, if he was worth it. During the day it was easier to ignore the self-doubt because he had the sun on his side, warming his pale skin and filling him with hope.
Jimin was sixteen when one of his friends met their soulmate, a patterned border appearing around their mark that was unique only to them. He witnessed the two of them go from mere strangers to almost the same person in a matter of months. Jimin began to want that love and intimacy for himself. Wanted someone to hold him close and cherish him; to listen to him with the utmost attention and be his rock whenever he needed one. Jimin wanted someone that would make him laugh. Someone who would show their love for him, rather than tell it. Someone he could share his deepest thoughts with. Glancing down at his wrist, Jimin had run his thumb over his mark and imagined the love he’d share with the person with lavender hair.
Yoongi was eighteen when he learned that soulmates don’t always work out. Sure, there were people like his parents who both loved and hated their soulmate, but he’d never heard of someone being rejected before, until he met Hoseok. It was a chance meeting, really, the two of them were in the same college tour group and after finding out they both liked hip hop Hoseok had declared them best friends. Yoongi’d never really had a friend before, but Hoseok was nice so he thought he’d play along. It wasn’t until the campus tour was almost over that he saw Hoseok’s completed soulmate mark. Yoongi thought the bright and flowery pattern surrounding the midnight black strip was beautiful and couldn’t help but wonder why it was being hidden by Hoseok’s sweatshirt sleeves. If Yoongi had a completed mark he’d never cover it up. In a brief moment of courage he asked Hoseok about his soulmate, and as he watched his new friends eyes dim Yoongi couldn’t help but wish he’d just kept his mouth shut.
Jimin was seventeen when the thoughts about his soulmate started to take a more physical path. After years of struggling, he’d finally come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t as interested in women as his male classmates were. It’d been a harsh realization, but as he came to terms with his sexuality he finally began to wonder what his soulmate looked like. At first he’d pictured tall and masculine, with wide shoulders and an oddly feminine face that contrasted with his body, and it wasn’t until he realized the person he was imagining looked very similar to his best friend's older brother, Seokjin, that the picture began to change (Seokjin was good looking, definitely, but since he was Jimin’s best friend’s brother fantasies were a big no-go. Bro code, ya know?). The new image that he’d settled on contained someone more his height with a lean body and hooded eyes. He wasn’t sure why, but every time he thought of that specific image he felt a feeling in his gut, like what he was imagining was right.
Yoongi was nineteen when Hoseok finally convinced him to get help. He’d hated the therapy sessions at first, practically despised them. Yoongi had never thought of sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings with anyone other than his soulmate, much less a stranger. But as time when on, he saw how they helped him. He began to love himself more than he hated himself, and his nightmares had turned into pleasant dreams. Nineteen was also the age Yoongi went to his first party. It had happened a month into his freshman year at college and had most certainly been Hoseok’s idea. The liquor offered there was much stronger than anything he’d had before, and one drink led to another and soon Yoongi found a new way to drown out his remaining demons
Jimin was eighteen when he graduated high school. It was such a relief to walk across the stage and leave the grue years of high school behind. Though the future seemed uncertain, Jimin was excited. He’d gotten into college on both a dance and academic scholarship, and running his thumb along his bubblegum pink soulmate mark, Jimin couldn’t help but think how proud his soulmate would be if he knew.
Yoongi was twenty when he crossed the line. He was by no means innocent, he’d seen things he probably shouldn’t have and had kissed one too many people, and most definitely wasn’t the same person he was four years ago. But he’d never crossed that line before because he wanted to cross it with his soulmate. Hoseok thought it was silly and old-fashioned, the fact that Yoongi was saving himself, but Yoongi’d always been a romantic at heart and he wanted his first time making love to be with his soulmate. He wanted his first kiss to be with his soulmate too but a little booze and a New Years Eve party had ruined that. He’d lost his virginity much in the same way, too much alcohol and someone else’s hands on his body and the next thing he knew he was waking up in a strange bed with pain in his back and regret settled deep in his heart.
Jimin was nineteen when he met his soulmate, and as all his hopes and dreams for the future came crashing down around him, he wished he hadn’t.
Yoongi was twenty-one when he met his soulmate, and despite the fact that he used to pray for this moment, he wasn't sure if he'd really wanted to.