Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Pidge grumbled to herself as she dug through the storage room that Lance had turned into a giant communal closet. She sighed wistfully as she remembered the clothes she had brought with her from Earth.

They had been in space for what they guessed was around four earth years at this point. And their original clothes had long since been retired. Her binder had been the first thing to go, desrtoyed by a laser shot she had taken to the back in a fire fight. Luckily Altean women seemed to favor something similar to sports bras... But they werent quite the same.

She had hung up her comphy shirt and her favorite shorts a little while later, when they had started to get thread bare. She still kept them in a drawer in her room.

The boys had followed her lead, and that was when Lance had gone on a giant scavenger hunt, gathering up every spare piece of clothing he could find (Pidge suspected Lance had gotten Coran involved so that there would be no misshaps where they offended the alteans.) and hung them all in this room for the others to pick through when needed.

So here she was, looking for an Altean jacket. It's cold in space, and normally Pidge was fine with the chilliness of the castle. But lately she had been spending more time shivering in greens hangar then she spent doing the coding she was trying to concentrate on.

She sighed, nothing she saw really suited her. Either it was the wrong size or was too... Altean.

After nearly an hour of searching she growled and gave up. Stomping angerly out of the closet, not even caring about the pile of discarded jackets she had left in her wake, she ran smack into what felt like a brick wall.

A brick wall that caught her as she fell from the rebound. 'Woah Pidge!' The green paladin snapped her eyes to meet her boyfriend's, 'Keith!'

He gave her a soft, semi concerned smile, the small scar on his top lip making it a bit crooked. 'You ok? I was looking for you but I didn't expect for YOU to run into ME.'

She rubbed her now semi sore nose. 'M' fine. But have you been working out again? Because damn son.'

He chuckled at her joke and let go of her arm. 'I've never stopped working out. You know, with my training being imparitive to the safety of the universe and all... That and you know you like it when I keep up with abb day.'

They both grinned as they turned down the hall and Pidge grabbed onto his hand. They continued their banter. After a minute Keith asked what she had been looking for in the closet. 'My straightness. I seemed to have lost it. And Allura is looking mighty fine today.'

Keith snorted at her joke. 'I would be super jealous if I didn't totally agree. But seriously, did you hit another growth spurt or something? Please say no. I'm having enough trouble with the fact that you are even with my shoulder now.'

Pidge chuckled. Still thrilled that even with the boys growing up and filling out she had managed to catch up as much as she had. 'No unfortunately. Nothing like that. I was just looking for a jacket. But none really worked.' Keith looked at her curiously for a moment. 'If you've been getting cold you should have told me.'

She shrugged. 'It's not that big of a deal. I guess I wanted a taste of home more than anything.' She coughed away the wistful sound in her voice. 'Anyways. I've got some coding to do if I want the new upgrades for Green up and running before the next fight. With that she gave his cheek a quick peck, grinning at his instant flush, and made a hasty exit.

She didn't notice the expression the hybrid wore as he watched her leave.

---

It was a good twenty-four hours later when the green paladin woke up from where she had fallen asleep hunched over her computer. It took her a minute to wonder why she wasn't shivering like she normally was when she woke up like this.

It was then she noticed the weight of something draped over her shoulders. She sat up and reached back for it in confusion. Pulling it around where she could see it she gave a soft gasp. The red and white leather where instantly recognizable.

She ran her hands over the sturdy material. Softly amazed that it had held up so well. It occured to her that he had probably stopped wearing it after his shoulders had grown too wide.

She stood and slipped her arms into the sleeves, it was just a tiny bit big. But it was warm. And it felt safe. It suddenly hit her that he had given her his jacket, one of the only things he had left from EARTH. Because he wanted her to feel better. She choked back the swell of emotions that came with that realisation.

She really did love him. And she was going to go find him and let him know that. Hopefully without crying.

Chapter Text

Keith sat curled into a ball at the foot of the bed. He had been awake for hours. Waking from nightmares he had gone to the training deck before returning to his room to shower.

And now he was trying to muster up the will to go to breakfast. He knew that is he skipped out like he wanted too Shiro would come by after the meal to question him. He felt like dealing with that even less.

With a sigh he heaved himself to his feet and made his way to the mess hall. The others were already there boisteriously talking amongst themselves. The red paladin made himself a plate of goo and sat. Unfortunately the only open seat was the one next to Lance. He dod his best to eat as quickly as possible so he could leave without having to join into the conversation.

He should have known better. He didnt even finish half of his food before Lance was elbowing him in the ribs. 'Come on man. Tell us your favorite dad quote!' Keith gave him a disgruntled look. 'Pass.'

Lance pouted and elbowed him again. 'Keiiith,' he whined, ' Just tell us and we will let you be grumpy in peace.'

If looks could kill the blue paladin would be dead. ' No. Lance.' The red paladin ground out.

Shiro tried to step in and stop a fight from breaking out. 'Come on you two-"

'No!' Lance cut off their leader. 'I'm so sick of this! Mr. Doom and Gloom here is ruining our team's bonding time! Again! He always does this and I'm sick and tired of it!'

Keith growled and stood suddenly. Then tried to walk out. Shiro grabbed his arm. 'Keith,' He said as kindly as possible, 'this really is something we need to talk about.'

The red paladin's head snapped up. Rage made his purle eyes seem to glow. 'Fine! You want me to join in?! The best thing my dad ever said to me was, ' Good job. You finally managed not to fuck the snare up!' But maybe ya'll would prefer a few quotes from my foster fathers? Most of them kind of blend together but a few that stand out are, 'You useless fucking fag youre lucky the government pays me to let you stay here.' And 'I'm going to beat you till your black and blue just like your mother probably wanted to do before she left!". Oh! Or how about when one of my foster siblings locked me in a closet for two days before remembering to let me out and I was told, 'You deserved it I'm sure. Fuck ups like you should probably be locked away at birth.'.'

Keith was panting and his throat hurt from yelling, then his eyes met Hunk's from across the table and the raging teen went pale. He quickly glanced around at the others, seeing them frozen with shock at his out burst. 'Shit.' He muttered, placing a shaking hand over his mouth as he stumbled back a step to lean against the wall. That at least seemed to snap Shiro half out of his trance. 'Keith...'

The ravenett shoom his head and ran from the room. Allura, looking she wanted to cry murmured, 'Do all human parents say things like that?'

Pidge shook her head, suddenly looking furious. 'No. But it also isn't as rare as one would hope.' She glared up at the other humans. 'We should have seen the signs.' Shiro hung his head. Obviously trying to take the blame all for himself, Lance still looked like he was in shock, and Hunk let out a choked sob.

Coran cleared his throat. 'I think- I think we should all take the morning off, try and cool out heads a bit and... process things.'

Shiro gave a little nod. And with that they all slowly dispersed.

---

Keith sat huddled on his floor, trying to keep his sobbing as silent as possible. He couldn't believe he had done that. No one was supposed to know about any of it. About how fucked up his past was. About how fucked up HE was. But him and his stupid temper. He just had to open his mouth didnt he? Stupid. He was so STUPID, and the way they looked at him, the way HUNK had looked at him...

He had obviously ruined whay he had built with the team. They wouldnt be able to form Voltron now. He should probably just make it easier and leave. They could find someone to pilot Red, someone whose head wasn't so screwed up and who wouldnt mess up the team dynamic.

The knock on the door startled the teen out of his inner monologue. He tried desperately to rub the tears from his eyes and face. Half shocked that someone had come to talk to him at all. 'Keith?' A voice from the other side of the door said. 'I'm coming in?' It was spoken half as a question half as a statement, but before Keith could figure out how to reply the door slid open.

Hunk stood in the door way, talking even as the door swished in front of him. 'The door is unlocked so I hope- oh Keith...' The larger boy quickly stepped forwards and sat something down on the desk before crouching down next to the curled form on the floor. 'Hey...' The yellow paladin began uncertainly.

Keith looked away, trying to hide his tear stained face, 'So what's the verdict.' Now Hunk looked confused. 'What?'

The red paladin took a shuttering breath, 'They want me off the team right?' Hunk flinched. 'What?! Why would you think that?!'

Keith voice went raspy with pain as he replied, 'It's not right for someone as messed up as me to be piloting something like Red. I'm volital and unstable. It's not- I'm not.' His voice cut out as he tried not to cry.

But suddenly he was engulfed in warmth and Hunk cried, 'No! We would never think of replacing you just because- just because... anyways, you are beautiful and instinctive and loyal and PERFECT. Even if your past isn't necessarily the best, we still love you for who you are as a person. And we wouldn't dream of having anyone else pilot Red! Hell! You are litterally the beat pilot any of us have ever seen! The best fighter too...' The yellow paladin went on for a while longer before he realised he was rambling and cut himself off.

'A-any ways... I uh... I made you something... thats why I'm here...' Hunk stood, ignoring the cofused and overwhelmed look on Keith's face. He grabbed the plate from where he had left it on the desk.

When he turned he revealed that it held what looked like brown chunks of... 'Are those brownies?' Keith asked in shock. Hunk nodded. 'I finally perfected the recipe...' Keith shakily took the plate and carefully picked up one of the chocolatey squares. When he took a bit he felt his whole body relax a bit.

Chocolate was always his weak spot, even if he hadn't been able to get it very often as a kid. He didnt realise he was crying again until Hunk's large fingers wiped at his cheek.

The ravenett hung his head in response. ' I'm such a fucking mess.' He mumbled.

Hunk stared at the damaged boy infront of him. 'Even if you are a mess you're a beautiful mess.' Keith cut his eyes towards him at the comment. 'Why do you keep saying that? I'm not-'

'You are! You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen and I wish you would realise that and I wish I-' he cut himself off.

'You wish...' Keith was even more confused now.

Hunk met his eyes. They held eachothers gaze for a second before the tanned teen continued. 'I wish I had the nerve to tell you I love you.'

Keith froze before whispering, 'I don't know how to react.' Hunk nods. 'It's ok. You can react later.'

Everyone was surprised when the two of them walked into the mess hall the next morning, hand in dand.

Chapter Text

Shiro sat in the observatory. He knew he should probably head back to his room to get out of his armor anf shower. But he just couldnt bring himself to move.

Their latest battle haddnt been an outstandingly difficult one. Just get into the facility, steal the information in the galra databanks, and get out. But he had recognised the hallways once they had gotten inside. Keith had covered for him when he had frozen, Lance backing up the red paladin from affar. He had a good team.

He was lucky his flashback hadn't lasted very long, but still, he would continue to hate the fact that the smallest thing could send his brain reeling helplessly. He finally moved, just to let out a quiet explisitive and slam his left fist into the bench beside him. He was so pathetic.

The door to his right slid open, causing hin to jump in shock. "Hello?" A quiet voice questioned. Allura stepped to the door and glanced around, catching sight of him. "Shiro?"

He flinched and looked away, knowing he looked like a complete mess. He kept still as the princess aproached and cautiously sat near him on the long bench. "You know..." she said slowly, "I've always thought this room was very calming..." She glanced at him, obviously watching for a reaction so he offered her a sharp nod.

She apparently thought this was a good enough sign to go on. "I use to come here to hide after frustrating diplomatic meetings. Mother would come find me every time. Calm me down then usher me to bed." She smiled softly at the memories.

Shiro also gave a watery smile, it wasnt very often the Alteans talked about the people they knew before. But when she turned the full power of her gaze on him he felt the smile fall.

"What was it?" She asked. "This panic attack was so much worse than the others. What happened? I know I shouldn't pry but I want to do the best to make sure this won't happen again. Or at least to have a back up plan in place if we get caught by suprise."

The paladin felt his breath catch in his throat. She was asking about it. She wanted to know how to make up for his uselessness. It took him a minute to realise he was crying. When he noticed the tears he immediately tried to scrub them away.

Allura slowly reached her hand out to grab his wrist. "It's ok to tell me Shiro. And it's ok to cry. I most certainly will not judge you." He let out a harsh laugh that came out more like a choked cough. "I'm so useless."

He flinched back as the princess suddenly stood. "You are not!" She exclaimed imperiously. "You are the leader of the paladins! You keep them in line and on track! The only reason we have been able to come this far is because you are the backbone that hold all of us up!"

Shiro really laughed that time. "I hate to tell you this princess. But your backbone is broken." She shook her head, white hair accenting the movement. "You are not broken! A little bruised, maybe sprained! But fixable!"

He stared at her trying to catch a hint on wether or not she was joking, finding none he colapsed in on himself. Hardly aware of when Allura stepped forwards to embrace and support him.

After a few minutes he managed to choke out, "That was where they switched my arm out. That was where... oh god..." He shuttered as the memories came fully back to the forefront. The surgery of the removal and the pain of the attachment process.

After a while he was able to relax a bit and pull away. Allura let him, letting her hands rest on his shoulders. "I'm sorry Shiro." He looked at her, grey eyes openly showing his confusion when he saw the tears on her face. "Allura?" He questioned, hating how lost he sounded.

She shook her head a bit before explaining herself. "I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry my people couldn't stop the empire in it's infancy. I'm so sorry that you and the others got pulled into this war where you are exposed to all of these horrible things."

He had stopped crying in favor of staring at her incredulously. "What? How.... I... how is any of this your fault Allura?"

She wiped at her eyes. "If we had been able- If I had done more..." he held up his hand to stop her. "No. None of this is your fault! You didnt make Zarkon's descisions for him did you?!"

They just stared at each other for a second before bursting into giggley exausted laughter. After a few minutes Allura leaned up against him as her knees started losing strength. "God, look at us." Shiro gasped.

"Hopeless disasters." She agreed. "Come on. Lets go get some rest. Maybe we will be more collected leaders in the morning." The black paladin snorted even as he stood.

He walked Allura to her room, preparing to say goodnight and head to the training deck to spend another sleepless night attempting to sharpen his skills. But as he made to step back from her door he was stopped by her hand on his wrist. He looked up at her face noticing the shy expression she wore and how the princess wouldnt meet his eyes.

"Shiro-" she managed before glancing into her room then at him and back wordlessly, obviously asking. His face immediately flushed bright red. "I-"

She cut him off. "I almost lost you today! Can you please- Just for tonight- I just... I need...' Shiro understood what she wanted, knew exactly what it was like to fight off nightmares by yourself. He nodded and stepped forwards into her room. Reaching for the clasp of his right gauntlet. If he was going to be sitting up all night he might as well get comfortable.

As he stripped to his under suit Allura dissapeared into the insuite bathroom changing into her nightgown. He snagged the chair and drug it over to be by the bed and settled down. The princess stepped back into the room and gave him a confused look. "Why don't you lay down?" He tilted his head in confusion. "Because I don't want Coran to murder me?"

Allura snorted. "Coran has no say in who I share a bed with. Besides, we are both exhausted and he knows it so he will probably assume nothing happened..."

Shiro looked at her, then the bed. It was like the tiredness in his bones was finally catching up with him. He gave up and crawled in, settling himself at the very edge. He felt his princess and leader settle in behind him and tried to relax.

He had just started to doze when an arm was wrapped around his waist. "No matter what Shiro. We all love you. No one thinks you're useless." He sighed through the tightness in his throat. "And no one blames you for anything. War is just a terrible reality."

Both of the leaders of the Voltron Rebelion got more rest that night than they had since their fights had started.

Chapter Text

Lance and Hunk sat cuddled up in Hunk's tiny room. The larger teen was dozing off, exausted after the panic attack that had been set off with the discovery that Shiro was no longer with them.

Lance played gently with his boyfriend's hair, trying to draw him into a deeper sleep. But Hunk wasn't having it. He rolled over to where he could press his forehead against that of his lover. 'Lance.' He whispered. 'Talk to me buddy.'

The lanky cuban shook his head once, then shifted to hide his face in his bed mate's broad chest. 'I don't wanna talk Hunk.... just... hold me?"

The way his voice cracked near the end made Hunk's heat break just that much more. But if that was all Lance wanted right now, just to be held while the whole ship grieved, he could do that. And later, when he finally wanted to talk about it, because Lance always wanted to talk about things eventually, Hunk would help him with that too.

Because if all you have when you're floating in the never ending mire of space stuck in an ancient war is a couple of your closest friends. Then the best thing to do is take care of eachother as well as you can.

Chapter Text

He was back. Shiro was back and Keith wasnt quite sure what to do with himself. He had missed his boyfriend so much. But he didnt know how to start the long conversation they so desperately needed.

He paced restlessly in the hall outside of Shiro's room, as he had been for quite some time. He nearly jumped out of his skin when the door opened. There stood the odject of his affection/consternation, leaning tiredly against the door frame. 'C'mon Keith,' Shiro quipped. 'Spit it out. I cant handle listening to pacing for another minute. Reminds me too much of patrols outside of the cell.' He gave Keith that little grin, the one he always wore when he thought his morbid jokes where funny.

Ever-impulsive Keith doesn't think, just stalks forward the give the former black paladin a hard shove. 'Stop!' He practically screamed. 'Just stop Shiro! How can you joke?! I just... we were...'

He sniffled, mortified to find that he had started crying. His voice dropped to a pained whisper. 'I was so worried. I thought you were dead.'

The look on the taller man's face when their eyes meet almost makes Keith laugh. Its a mixture of shock, confusion, and anxiety. He realises that he has yet to really break down infront of him. Whelp. Now's a great time.

Finally Shiro moves to pull Keith farther into the room so they can have a bit of privacy.Once the door closes he speaks. 'Keith... I'm sorry... I just... I didn't think my jokes where that bad...?'

Keith kinda wanted to push him again. 'It's not just that! You disappeared again! Again! And then, you get back and... ' He was inturrupted by his boyfriend's embrace. He melted. He couldn't help it, after everything, this was what he really needed. Shiro let him cry himself out, dragging him over to the bed after a few minutes.

After they quietly comforted eachother for a bit, then started catching eachother up as much as they could about what had been going on. When Shiro confirmed his pride that Keith was the new black paladin he almost started crying all over again.

They talked for hours, Keith dozing off first. Shiro watched hin fir a few moments, just overwhelmed with feelings of homecoming. Before also drifting off to sleepland, curled around the one thing he had missed the most.

Chapter Text

Training had been brutal over the last week. Allura was doing her best to get them prepaired for whatever Lotor could come up with. But they needed to take a real break soon or else no one would have the energy to do any of what they were training for.

Lance sighed, honestly Shiro needed a break more than any one, not only did he train with the other paladins all day, but in the evening he and Keith would have strategy meeting with the alteans. Then, after an exausting day, he wasn't even able to get a good sleep. Lance had lost track of how many times he had soothed his boyfriend after the older man had woken up from a vivid dream.

But of course Shiro was too stuborn to admit that his work load/ sleep schedual was anything abnormal that needed to be adressed. Lance would just have to figure out how to get him to relax enough to get some real sleep. Sleep his brain would hopefully be calm enough to not inturrupt. Just onr full night would probably work wonders on the team leader.

He paced the hallways restlessly trying to come up with ideas. When he passed by his room he decided to step in and change into his regular clothes rmhe would be able to think more creatively. As he passes through the door his eyes lit upon the bottle he had left on his desk the night before. He grinned as an idea came to him. Now to get Hunk and Pidge to help with the set up.

----

Keith clapped him on the shoulder on the way passed and Shiro gave the red paladin a small smile before stretching out stiff shoulders. They had decided to end the meeting a bit early today since they had reached a dead end on what they could plan for until more infor camr in from the blade or one of their other allies.

He left tge control room trying to stifle a yawn, it wouldnt do for one of the team to see him yawning after such an inportant meeting. As he turned to head down the hall to hus room hr was surprised to find Lance, well not really, Lance often came to walk with him to their rooms after the daily meetings. What surprised hom was finding Lance dressed in some sort of flowey blue robe thing with his face obviously made up.

'Uhm...' Shiro started, not sure what exactly was going on. His boyfriend shushed him with a finger to his lips before taking his hand and pulling him along to the large comunal sitting room. When they stepped through the doors Shiro was surprised once again. The normally plain, utilitarian room had been tansformed.

The walls and couches were draped with pastel colored cloth, there were matching cushions strewn about as well. A pleasant, flowery smell drifted from something, and in the center of the sunken couch area a small cascade fountain chuckled soothingly. Shiro stepped farther into the room, staring about in shock. 'Lance? What us this?'

The Cuban man chuckled as he scooped up a basket from against the wall. 'It's Spa De' Lance. Obviously. And you good sir are my first customer.' With that he prances to the couches, robe fluttering around him, and gestures fir Shiro to take a seat. The black paladin bemusedly follows the silent comand and watched as Lance goes around lighting things that must be similar to candles before fiddling with a remote. After a minute relaxing muzac starts playing iver hidden speakers. Thats when Lance sat next to Shiro, facing him and studying his face.

The scarred man plays along in amusement. And doesnt object when his boyfriend declares a full facial to be in order. The late evening passes ina blur of jokes, flirting and face cleaning. Just when Shiro thinks they are done Lance gestures for him to lay down, claiming that he was still in need of a real massage.

'Lance this is all really sweet, but it's getting kind of late and you should really rest up for training tomorow.' He wasn't expecting the sweet tempered man to give him a death glare. 'Shiro..' He growled in a tone that sent shivers down his spine. 'Lay. Down.' Shiro did as he was told.

As Lance went to work on his tensed muscles he realise he would be lying if he said he wasn't the most relaxed he had been in years. He sighed, realising what his boyfriend was trying to do and feeling touched by his thoughtfulness.

---

Lance took his time on the massage. Making sure he worked on every knot and every bit of tension. It was a full hour later when he finallystepped back from where Shiro was laying, it was then he noticed that his boyfriend was out cold. He laughed quietly and grabbed a blanket from where he had hidden them behind the cloth drapings when they were setting up.

He tucked Shiro in the went to work cleaning up the room. When he was done he had a giant pile of cloth that he wasn't really sure what to do with. He yawned looking around trying to figure out where to out it sothat it was out of the way. But it was late, he was tired and honestly the pile did look pretty comphy.

-----

The next day Shiro awoke from the best sleep he'd had in a while. He was confused for a second when he ralised he wasnt in his bed. He rolled over and smiled, seeing Lance fast asleep on what he soon figued was the wall hangings from the night before. He had the sweetest boy friend. Keith and Hunk could fight him if they disagreed.