Chapter Text
“You want me to do what.” It was more of a statement than it was a question, as intended, which caused Professor Hatake to frown. Shikamaru noticed and tried again, with a little more feeling. “You want me to do what?”
“Tutor. I want you to tutor for this class,” Professor Hatake said. “You’re doing exceptionally well and I think a few students, especially from the other sections, would benefit from outside help.”
That was news to Shikamaru, who rarely checked his grades, though he was pleasantly surprised. The material was not hard and the learning came easy to him, but he didn’t put in as much effort as he ought to. He was thinking he was averaging a C+ for the midterm, but ‘exceptionally well’ sounded a little bit better than anticipated.
“Why would I do that?” Shikamaru asked, hoping that he wasn’t going to be forced to tutor anyone. He was already thinking up excuses in case Professor Hatake insisted that he took up the tutoring that were lies only in the slightest—he was too busy this semester; he had to babysit Mirai in his free time (“and you know how Mrs. Sarutobi gets when no one’s around to take care of her, don’t you, Professor Hatake?”); his roommate Chouji broke his foot and had to be monitored 24/7, doctor’s orders.
“It pays.” The words snapped him out of his excuses and the thought of being a tutor was suddenly very enticing. Keen as ever, Professor Hatake caught sight at his newfound interest and smiled. “$10.50 an hour.”
Shikamaru never really cared much about money but since he got to college, everything revolved around it. Textbooks, feeding himself, cigarettes and booze. It was the stupid bets Naruto roped him into and the new headlights he had to buy. It was almost as if his wallet growled in his back pocket the same way his stomach did when he woke up every Sunday afternoon, hungover and starving. It was a very serendipitous opportunity that dropped into his life, he thought, unless…
“My mom didn’t ask you to ask me to do this, did she?” Shikamaru asked. He could hear his mother’s nagging voice in the back of his head, scolding him for recklessly spending his money even though he was such a smart boy. He shuddered at the thought of being forced to show his bank statements to his mother.
Professor Hatake’s face scrunched up in surprise and he slowly shook his head. “I just recognized your pronounced understanding of course material and thought this would be a nice way for you to make some money on the side.”
Shikamaru let out a breath of relief, and then smiled at his professor’s kind words. He was always an easy guy to talk to, especially since the death of his last advisor. It was nice to know that there was a real adult still looking out for him. “Yeah. Yeah, sure, I’ll tutor. How often?
“Whenever you’re free. It’s by appointment, so the tutee will have to figure out their own time that’ll work with the ones you’ve listed. The library does a better job of explaining.”
Shikamaru nodded, making a mental note to visit the library after he grabbed something to eat. He secretly (and a little selfishly) hoped that he’d be booked with tutees so he could have the money to afford drinking something that wasn’t Everclear vodka and Sprite that Naruto stole from a too-drunk frat boy’s apartment. He was giddy at the thought of his nonexistent, newfound riches and resolved to treating himself to a large coffee instead of just a medium.
“Thanks, Professor. I appreciate it,” Shikamaru said, referring more to everything he had done for him in the past than to the current opportunity he provided.
Professor Hatake smiled with an understanding look in his eye. “No problem, Shikamaru. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“As if you couldn’t get any more pretentious,” Naruto hooted, pouring another round of shots for the boys as Shikamaru told them of his new profession. The process of becoming a tutor was easier than he thought, and signing the direct deposit slips had him grinning from ear to ear by the time he got back to his room to take a nap.
“I didn’t even know you knew a word that big,” Shikamaru retorted, causing a raucous laughter to erupt in the tiny dorm room. Everyone was red-faced and smiley, as expected after a few shots of the rubbing alcohol they’ve been drinking. Shikamaru swore up and down every Sunday morning that he woils never drink again, but it’s a broken promise he often mourns over whole wheat toast and scrambled eggs.
“Man, shut the fuck up and just take the shot,” Naruto muttered, throwing back his own tiny glass of fire water followed by a long pull of orange juice. Everyone followed suit, each of them groaning as they reached for their respective chasers. The taste wasn’t as bad three shots in, he thought, but he was still drinking half a bottle of Sprite to wash away the bite. His belly was warming up and if he moved slightly, he could hear the liquids sloshing in there, as gross as the thought was.
He surveyed the room for a lighter while also making a headcount; Naruto and Sasuke, the humble hosts of the shitty room, his own roommate Chouji, Neji and—
“Wait a second, where’s Lee?” Shikamaru asked, aware now of the missing presence.
“The gym,” Neji responded, leaning back into the beat up futon. “’The grind never stops,’ remember?”
They all laughed. He reached over to the desk cluttered with papers and notebooks, undoubtedly Naruto’s, snatching the lighter. He already has the cigarette in his mouth as he nodded in Naruto and Sasuke’s direction. “You mind?”
“Oh, wait, let me just—“ Naruto stood up on the wobbly arm of the futon and secured a plastic bag over the smoke detector with a piece of tape while Sasuke threw the window open. A gust of wind snuck in and sent a shiver throughout the room, but it was much needed. The room was beginning to get stuffy as the boys got a little tipsier and it didn’t help that the dial on their heater was broken, cursing the inhabitants to a toasty fate of 78 degrees at all times.
The smoke from his cigarette swirled in the room, the smell mixing with the musky scent of body odor and stale liquor. It had become a comforting smell to Shikamaru, even though all of those scents were disgusting by themselves and as a group. The room with the obnoxious lights and the special group he had bonded with have all become a constant for him, making college feel a little more like home. The idea of going to college was always one Shikamaru met apprehensively, but in that moment just like several others tucked away in his memory, he was glad he did if only for the comfort of good friends and bad liquor.
Naruto made a noise as he held a bottle cap between his teeth, hands fumbling across his legs and then over the lumpy futon. His cellphone seemed tiny in his hands and even tinier as he held it out in front of his face, mumbling the text to himself under his breath. The music was quiet but Shikamaru could feel the bass in his back. His eyes were fixed on the red solo cup next to the speaker that quivered each time there was a slight change in tempo of the song. The pulsating lights made the room spin and Shikamaru suspected that when he stood up, he’d be a little more intoxicated than he thought.
“Hinata says they’re almost ready,” Naruto announced, bottle cap still wedged between his toothy grin as he constructed a reply to his girlfriend. “We should head down to Sakura’s now.”
The five of them all agreed, shuffling awkwardly in the cramped room toward the door. Naruto was the last one, kicking empties underneath his desk and some more into the closet. As if he remembered something, Naruto retreated back into the room one last time before exiting and locking the door. Shikamaru shifted slightly and noticed a pink sweater.
“Sakura kept asking you for this back, don’t forget it this time,” Naruto scolded, shoving the sweater into Sasuke’s arms who only rolled his eyes.
Shikamaru couldn’t suppress his smile; as the only one out of the six without a girlfriend, he couldn’t relate to their girlfriend-related woes. It also meant, though, that he couldn’t relate to the comforts of someone doting on him and sharing happiness with another person. Having a girlfriend was not on the forefront of his priorities, but it didn’t mean that he hadn’t tried in the past. He had his crushes and girls he admired from afar, and the ones he managed to talk to were fun in the moment. But, there was always something missing.
He ended up being the odd man out when all his friends started dating each other, starting with Naruto and Hinata (the latter being in love with the former since grade school, as Shikamaru could recall). And then it was Sasuke and Sakura, the interesting pair that his big brain still couldn’t get a good enough grasp on but he stopped questioning it years ago. Neji and Tenten came out as a couple after being prodded by Lee incessantly; then it was Lee’s turn to announce he was seeing someone. No one believed him until Neji confirmed the fictitious girl’s existence with a group picture of a double date they went on. It was down to himself and Chouji, who vowed to get married if they were both single by the time they were 35, but that marriage pact fell through when Chouji met Karui on a fated trip to the grocery store. Even Ino, his other childhood friend who Shikamaru considered a sister, was in a committed relationship. The good in that was it silenced the rumors that they would start dating.
Shikamaru was happy for all of his friends for finding such wholesome and collegiate love, he truly was. But, he couldn’t deny that it was bothersome sometimes being the only one without a date to couples’ only ventures. If he was destined to be alone for the rest of their college careers, so be it. There was no point in being bitter over something he couldn’t control; the girls he talked to were amazing people but something was always amiss resulting in just sharing kisses between sheets and short lived affairs, never anything more. Neji once said that Shikamaru’s girlfriend was the feisty lass named Svedka, and he was starting to believe it.
The walk to Sakura’s room was an uneventful one, befitting a journey down the hall and then down two flights of stairs. The all-girls hall smelled pretty in comparison to the boys’ and it was much cleaner. Shikamaru often felt like he needed to shower after visiting their floor, then especially. The five of them stopped in front of the door decorated with pressed flowers, aptly done by both Sakura and Ino. Their names were carved out of cardstock in curly calligraphy and pasted to the wooden door above a mini dry erase board that had Welcome to the Babe Cave scrawled on it.
Sasuke, adorned with the pink sweater on his shoulder, moved to knock on the door but was interrupted by the sound of a different door opening down the hall. The sound of heels clicking against the ground were hypnotic in his pregame stupor, alluring him into seeing who was approaching them when he would have otherwise ignored the sound. Hinata and Tenten closed the distance between them as Naruto whistled.
“Hina, you look amazing!” Naruto exclaimed, rushing to sweep his already flustered girlfriend off her feet.
Tenten slipped in beside Neji, quietly asking if Lee was still at the gym to which he confirmed and wrapped an arm around her waist in a half hug. The noise in the hall had the door in front of them thrown open to reveal Sakura and Ino. Sakura had her mouth open as if to loudly announce their presence but was caught off guard by Sasuke; Shikamaru saw her eyes move from his face to her pink sweater that sat on his shoulder.
“You remembered this time!” She said, clutching the pink sweater in a fist and threw her arms around Sasuke’s neck. He had slowly snaked one arm around her waist and gave her a squeeze.
“Naruto reminded me to bring it,” he confessed but Sakura didn’t hear him, obviously too pleased with the return of her sweater.
“Where’s Sai?” Shikamaru asked as Ino punched him softly in the arm as way of greeting.
“He’s gonna meet us there,” she responded, adjusting her infamous ponytail. Shikamaru could always spot Ino from across the quad by her ponytail swishing in the wind alone.
“It’s still five-dollar cover, yeah?” She asked him. He shrugged, hands stuffed in his pockets. He wondered if he even had five dollars in cash to give at the door.
“Dunno. Naruto knows the guy; you should ask him.” Ino nodded and motioned to gather everyone.
“All right, let’s go!”
The walk across campus wasn’t a long one, but as autumn settled in, the winds were a little less than forgiving. Shikamaru looked over at the girls who strutted effortlessly through the breeze, shivering just at the look of the skin they exposed. He applauded them for braving the cold, something he was unable to do even with jeans and a sweatshirt. It was a reminder that the women were always stronger, he thought, and a little scary.
It was obvious which apartment was hosting the party; Shikamaru had spied the flashing lights from a few feet away and as they approached, the loud music seeped out from the closed door. Like a makeshift club, one of their peers stood as bouncer at the door but instead of checking IDs, he held his hand out for the five-dollar cover charge. It turned out that he did have a crumpled bill in his pocket, and he had hoped that since he was five dollars poorer, the party and jungle juice would have to be well worth it.
The bouncer, who Shikamaru then recognized as the kid that sat behind him in Regression Analysis, had pulled the door open and the amount of smoke that billowed toward them was reminiscent of entering a snowstorm. There had been enough weed smoke that Shikamaru feared he would get crossed just by breathing in, but he followed his friends nonetheless.
The apartment had been gutted with all the furniture pushed off to the side save a coffee table that housed the five-gallon dispenser filled with all sorts of poison beside a stack of cups. Shikamaru estimated that there were at least fifty people within the apartment, including himself and his friends. Most of the people were unfamiliar to him, if he could even make out their faces in the brief seconds the strobe lights fell on them. The owners of the apartment weren’t anybody that Shikamaru knew; he was almost sure that Naruto didn’t know them personally either, only by association. It was not a complaint though. His blond friend had always got them into crazy parties through his reputation alone.
There were clusters of people scattered throughout the apartment, groups of fours and fives talking amongst themselves over the loud trap music. Some were sitting on the couch that had been pushed off to the side, watching the silent basketball game on the TV that was the only source of constant white light in the darkened apartment.
When he turned to make an offhand comment to his group of friends, he saw that they had all dispersed leaving him alone with his best friend. Chouji grinned at him as if they were sharing the same thought and Shikamaru couldn’t help but smile back.
The two of them made a beeline to the jungle juice, pouring a generous amount. Shikamaru took a big sip, already taking note of how much of it was just alcohol and not juice. There was a familiar yet unnamable taste mixed in with the alcohol, but it was of little concern then. He topped himself off, watching Chouji do the same, and then moved aside to an unoccupied corner of the room. The way the lights moved made Shikamaru felt much drunker than he actually was, his lungs itching for a cigarette.
“Karui didn’t want to come?” Shikamaru asked Chouji. He shook his head and offered Shikamaru a bowl of chips he had spied from the kitchen.
“She has work tomorrow morning at eight,” Chouji responded. The two of them took turns shoving chips into their mouth, Shikamaru noticing then that they were tortilla and stale.
“Yeesh,” he said between bites. “Sounds like a royal pain in the ass.”
Chouji made a noise of agreement as he threw back some more of the juice. Shikamaru turned away slightly to continue people watching. It was what he spent most of his time at parties doing, if he wasn’t playing Naruto and Sasuke in pong with Chouji. In all honesty, the parties were mediocre at best and he didn’t enjoy going to them as much as he should have. He did it mostly for the pregames and sitting around with his friends who were always thrilled about going out. Getting drunk was fun and it was mostly to help put his ass to sleep, but he supposed it was more fun if there was somebody to go back to your room with.
He scratched the hairs at the nape of his neck, trying to banish the bitter thoughts of being single. He said he didn’t care and he didn’t. It wasn’t a problem to be single, he knew that, but at a certain point he wondered if it was him. All those girls he talked to were extraordinary so maybe it was him that sabotaged any chance of a relationship. Maybe he just wasn’t ready for one (which made no sense because Naruto had the sensibility of a puppy and as far as he knew, Sasuke didn’t even have feelings).
He looked down at the drink swirling in his cup, oddly fluorescent in the black lights. Drinking more might have sunk him deeper into his feelings but there was the possibility that he could just get stupid, happy drunk. He could see the scale tipping in the reflection of the feelings juice; if he blacked out tonight, he could just forget about being single and sleep blissfully unaware of the impending hangover that would meet him in the morning. Did thinking that much also include the weird feeling in his belly? He couldn’t remember; his memory was not as sharp as it had been since his many drunken nights.
His thoughts were interrupted when Chouji came and slapped him on the back, the drink sloshing over the edge and onto his hand. “Dude!”
“What?” Shikamaru said, exasperated and shaking the sticky liquid off his fingers. Chouji’s hand was still splayed across his back when he shifted him to the left to face a group of girls. Squinting in the light, Shikamaru recalled them as a few lowerclassmen he’d seen in passing on his way to class. “I do not understand what you’re trying to show me.”
Chouji gasped. He assumed whatever he wanted to show him was not there anymore until Chouji tapped his back two times. “Four o’ clock. Right there, the blonde. She’s been eyeing you since we got here, man!”
Shikmaru turned his head to look in the direction Chouji described, briefly seeing a mass of blonde hair walk behind a group of people in the kitchen. When she reappeared, he couldn’t help but notice the mini skirt that was attached to the long legs wrapped up in fishnets. From that distance, it was undeniable that she had bright eyes that captured anything they landed on. She had been looking off to the side, almost as if she was bored with her arms crossed and a cup in her hand.
“Blonde and leggy,” Shikamaru admired. “Just my type. When did you get this perceptive, my dear friend?”
Chouji laughed, knowing that between the two of them, it had always been Shikamaru who noticed everything. He wondered how she managed to slip past him after his first sweep of the party.
“The stale ass chips gave me a new power. But, seriously, she has been looking in our direction and I think you should go talk to her!” Chouji said, turning away from the blonde’s line of sight in order to be sneaky.
“It’s loud as fuck in here, why are you standing in front of me.” Shikamaru moved to look past Chouji. “You think she can hear you?”
“What if she can read lips?”
“’What if she can read lips?’” Shikamaru sputtered back mockingly. “I’m the one who’s gonna talk to her. Why are you freaking out?”
Chouji’s face had softened as the question hung in the air, or at least that was as much as Shikamaru could register. “I’m just trying to play matchmaker here. I want you to be happy, man."
The words had hit Shikamaru right in the gut and he realized that maybe he was wearing his feelings on his face again. Chouji was the only one he confided in being slightly distraught over his singleness albeit drunk and never spoken of sober. He never really considered that Chouji would remember those incapacitated depressing talks of death and loneliness and lifelong promises made to ghosts. He was in his fucking feelings again.
“What if she’s the one?” Shikamaru wasn’t aware that Chouji had continued speaking but the phrase forced a laugh from his mouth. It seemed that his best friend was in his feelings too, all talks of true love.
“I haven’t even talked to her. The only ‘one’ she’s gonna be is probably another one-night stand.”
Chouji clicked his tongue and gave him a shove. “Just go talk to her.”
He raised his arms in defense and took a step forward. “Okay, I will.”
There was that feeling in the bottom of his belly again, rising up through his body and towards his head.
The room was suddenly spinning and nothing was in focus but that leggy blonde a mere ten feet away from him. His shoes must’ve been filled with lead because each step had been like walking through quicksand. The music and overlapping voices were nothing but buzzing in his ears as he closed the distance between himself and the mysterious girl who had eyes like emeralds now that he could see them.
Somebody shouted, her name he guessed, by the way she had turned her head away from his general direction to look over her shoulder.
“Te—“
—quila.
He pushed past the girls in front of the bathroom door and shouldered his way in. Shikamaru fell to his knees as if he were confessing his sins to the almighty, head straight into the bowl. Tequila, he thought desperately. There was goddamned tequila in the punch.
The last thing he saw before everything went black were chunks of tortilla chips helplessly floating in a sea of red.