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Sometimes I wonder how hard it would be to break the surface and see the sun again.
I mean, I know that there are evil scary monsters out there ‘n all, but they’re only axolotls. I could take one!
Okay, maybe not. But back when we saw the sun every day, axolotls were so cute and tiny. We had one in our classroom, at the back in that blue tank with green tips. He was white with pink antennae thingies, and people fed him worms.
I can still remember the day that tank smashed open. There was glass all over the floor, and suddenly our axolotl was huge and had giant teeth. He didn’t seem so cute all of a sudden.
I don’t want to talk about him anymore. A lot of stuff happened after that which I don’t think I could tell you. It doesn’t feel right. And I always cry when I think about it. Sorry.
Apparently all over the world axolotls became big and took over human things, modifying them and making them better. They’re way smarter than us, y’see. I always knew humans were dumb. My mom always used to call me dumb, especially when she’d had a glass of wine after her latest boyfriend broke up with her. I’ve lost track of how many times that happened. I wanted to count them all and write it down, but I forgot.
It’s so dark here. Cold and damp. I think someone said it was ‘clammy’, but I don’t think so because if it was clammy it would smell like shellfish and be full of pearls, but it smells like a toilet and it’s full of mud. So that person was wrong.
Whenever we here a loud noise up above, we all have to huddle down and be silent. Sometimes people cry. I don’t cry though. In the rush to get underground, my mom and her boyfriend got down first. I took my little brother and sisters to this room. They cry a lot because they miss mom and dad. I don’t know if he is dad, but they say he is and sometimes I believe them.
People don’t really like us because of their crying, so I get them to stop before anyone hits them. We huddle like everyone else and wait.
The noise passes. We get back up. We wait some more.
I’m hungry.
We don’t get to eat or drink very much in here. They’re still building proper houses in the ground, like with beds ‘n kitchens ‘n stuff. Someone said to me that me and my brother and my sisters will get one all together. They didn’t say mom or dad would be there. I think they might think mom and dad are dead.
Sometimes I wish they were.
Once I said that to mom, and she hit me real hard, so I didn’t say it ever again. It’s a hateful thing, she’d say. Hateful and disgusting and vile.
I don’t want to be a nasty little girl, so I shut my mouth and act nice. But I don’t really think that way inside.
I don’t know how to spell axolotl. I think it might be ‘A-K-S-O-L-O-T-U-L’, but that sounds funny and I think it’s wrong. I’m not very good at spelling. The teachers at school used to say I had something with a funny name. Diss-lex-seer. It means I can’t spell or read all that good according to my teacher. Mom said it means I’m stupid when I asked her, so I guess it’s that too.
Once I had a friend who was nice and called me the smartest person ever all the time. She didn’t talk to me how they did.
Those axolotls. I don’t like them at all. Because they did something to her.
I don’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t a good thing. There was blood n’ guts all over the classroom. Red, red. Then she was there, redder still. Blushing with the red from the teeth and the claws. That’s what she might have said about it, something with poetry.
I wish she were here, to help me out. I’m starting to cry. Maybe the axolotls will go away soon. I don’t want to hide anymore.
I want to see the sun again.