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The Secret Diary of Arthur, Prince of Camelot, Soon To Be Crown Prince of Camelot, Later To Be King of Camelot

Day 1

Stupid idea. Don’t think I will ever read this again. No matter what Gaius said, this will not provide any comfort whatsoever.
Life is boring. Camelot is boring. Knights training is boring. Hope there will be no attack on Camelot soon because knights are in awful shape.
Father executed yet another sorcerer. Note to self: Avoid Morgana for the rest of the day.

Father also invited famous (boring) singer. Avoid feast.

Stupid boy with ridiculous ears wanted to start a fight with me. Got him thrown in the dungeons. Had been the highlight of the day.

Day 2

Boring, boring, boring.

Managed to avoid Morgana, Father and singer. I think singer makes lovebird eyes at the King. Good luck with that.

Stupid boy, named Merlin (stupid name), got out of the dungeons. Is new apprentice of Gaius. Spent the whole day in the stocks, then started another fight with me. Obviously too stupid to live. Was fun, though. Didn’t throw him in the dungeons. Don’t have to; if he keeps this up he soon will be dead.

Day 3

Horrible day, not boring at all.

Singer turned out to be a witch and mother of executed sorcerer. Enchanted whole court and then tried to kill me. Got saved by Merlin, of all things. Stupid father made stupid Merlin my new manservant. Oh joy.
But, have to give him that, stupid boy wasn’t overjoyed himself. Maybe there is a brain in that stupid head.

Day 4

I stand corrected. New manservant has no brain at all. Sneezed on my breakfast. Day went downhill from there.

Father is excited because of upcoming tournament. Morgana is bitchy like hell lately. Avoided both of them at all cost.

Day 5

Told Merlin I need him for training for the tournament. Was real fun watching him stumble around. Beat him up a little. Not too much, because he actually managed to fight better than a few of my knights. Very embarrassing.

Father was out of his head due to excitement over tournament. Is getting on my nerves. Wonder what would happen when I won’t win. Probably would be send into exile.

Hate my life.

Day 6

First day of fighting is over. Was boring. No competition for me, except maybe Valiant. Merlin is right, he’s a creep.

Speaking of Merlin… he is the most awful manservant I ever had. Will probably get rid of him soon. Although he is entertaining. Sometimes.

Morgana is behaving strangely around Valiant. Can’t understand what she sees in the asshole. She did look mighty fine tonight, though. Not that I care.

Day 9

Hadn’t had time to write the last days.

Valiant was using magic shield. Merlin was right, and I still sacked him. Stupid move. Managed to kill Valiant because he lost control over shield. Morgana is bitching as always. Rehired Merlin.

Wonder if father will ever manage to apologize. Probably not.

Day 10

Miracles do happen. Merlin managed to serve me breakfast for the first time without spilling, sneezing, coughing. Is still calling me Arthur instead of Sire. Who cares.
Would still be nice if he would be so kind to clean my room properly. Wonder what he does the whole day?

Got a new wannabe knight, Gawain. Wonder if he is yet 16 years old? Will not make it. I already hear the whining of the maids, he’s very popular.

My life still sucks.

Day 12

Was too bored to write anything yesterday.

Gawain actually made knighthood today. By running away from me the whole time. Interesting strategy. Need to make new rules to prevent that from happening again in the future. Maids are very excited.

Merlin joined me for breakfast this morning. Without being asked. Was too stunned to yell at him. Otherwise I noticed he fed my dogs treats. Now dogs love him and ignore me.

Father is in an awful mood. Morgana is chipper, and only the Gods know why. I don’t and I don’t want to.

Day 13

Am very sure Morgana is making out with Gwen. Can’t think of another reason for her creepy good mood. Lovely image.

Got almost bitten by my favourite dog because I yelled at Merlin.

A few people got sick, very sick today. I hope Gaius comes up with a cure soon, otherwise father will go round the bend again.

Day 15

Last two days sucked. Many people are sick now, Gaius has no idea what it is, Father was screeching ‘Sorcery’ (of course). Had to search for signs of magic the whole day yesterday, and half of today. Noticed Gwen’s father got healthy again after getting sick, searched their rooms and found some magical bag. Had to throw Gwen in the dungeons.

Got slapped and stomped over by Morgana. Then Merlin lost his mind and accused himself of being a warlock (so stupid) in front of my father. Instead of being thankful for me rescuing him he stomped on my foot, too, and probably joined Morgana somewhere in a corner in the castle to curse me.

Tomorrow Gwen will be sentenced by the King. Don’t have to be a genius to know how that will turn out.

Need new boots.

Day 16

Awesome day. Killed monster living in the water reservoir. Thing poisoned the water, that’s why people got sick. Obviously a mighty witch did that. Heard Gaius murmur something about her. Father is in a spectacular bad mood after talking with Gaius.

Good news, Gwen is free again. Morgana was beside herself. Lucky girl, at least one of us gets some action.

Interesting aspect: I don’t think that mighty witch healed Gwen’s father. So who did that? But since my father has completely forgotten about it, I won’t bring it up again.

Merlin is suspiciously silent. Maybe he’s really in love with Gwen and has discovered she’s with Morgana. Poor guy. Though if I was Gwen, I would take Merlin. Morgana is insane.

Day 17

Was on a hunt today. Got nothing because Merlin is making noises like a pack of boars. Was still fun though. Starting to like the idiot.

Gawain is changing the maids like sheets. Wonder why they still all love him? It’s very frustrating. Very frustrating. I only have to look at my father to see what happens if one doesn’t get any sex. Even Merlin is starting to look good lately.

Day 20

Life is boring again.

Father is waiting for Lord Bayard of Mercia to arrive tomorrow. Finally they have managed a peace treaty. Hope everything will go fine.

Searched for over an hour for that hilarious hat I will make Merlin wear tomorrow. Can’t wait to see his face.

Day 22

Maybe I should stop writing that my life is boring.

I don’t even know where to begin.

Merlin –again- proved he’s an idiot. No, not really. He saved my life again, dammit. Drank that cup of poison as if it was nothing. Wish he would stop doing things like that. Makes me feel weird.

Obviously it also makes me act weirdly. Disobeyed my father to get that Mortaeus flower to save Merlin’s life for a change. Met the meanest bitch/witch I’ve ever known. Got attacked by monster spiders. I hate spiders. Would have died a freakish death (eaten by spiders, Gods), if not for that ball of blue light. Wonder what that was about.

Came back to Camelot and was thrown in the dungeons BY MY FATHER! He also took the flower from me and almost destroyed it. For that, I could have… whatever. Managed to get it back.

Went down to Merlin and Gaius tonight. Had to see for myself Merlin is alright again. No idea why. He still looks awful; have to be easy on him the next days. More easy than usual. And that probably means he won’t have to do anything.

Day 23

Father and the people of Mercia still managed to sign the peace treaty. That means something, considering Lord Bayard spent the last three days in the dungeons. One would think the King should be in a good mood. One would be wrong. He’s even more ill-tempered than usual. Again, no idea why. I’m sure Gaius knows something but he won’t tell me.

Merlin was still very weak today. Made him take a bath in my chambers. Couldn’t stop staring at his back. Don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.

Day 26

Nothing happens. Life is… no, I won’t write this again.

Still, I wish I had Gawain’s life. Stumbled over him and two maids. He didn’t even blush.

Wonder if I will ever fall in love with someone.

Merlin is actually becoming good at being a servant. Won’t tell him of course. No need to get him excited. I really like to talk to him in the evening. He’s quite… well, not witty but fun.

Day 33

Lancelot.

This is all really fucked up. I would have given much for him to stay. Stupid rules. Wish I had seen him fighting the Griffin. Wish my father wasn’t so mulish.

On the other hand: The way Merlin looked at him made me nervous. Maybe Merlin is into guys? Makes me even more nervous.

Hope Gawain isn’t into guys. Wouldn’t be right for a knight to go for a… This is nonsense. Still, Gawain better keeps his grabby hands off Merlin. After all, Merlin in my manservant. Gawain can look for one of his own.

Will train the knights until they can’t move, starting tomorrow.

Day 34

Great. Can’t move myself anymore. Had to make Merlin wash my back.

Still, I’m sure the others are worse. Especially Gawain. Caught him talking to Merlin on the training field; set him up with Robert. Gawain will probably not move again for two days. Hard time for the maids.

Day 40

Writing in this book is getting on my nerves. My father is getting on my nerves. MORGANA is getting really on my nerves. Merlin is… no, he isn’t. I like him. I really like him. Dammit. How did that happen? I actually dreamt about him tonight. Can’t write what. Don’t even want to think about it.

Yesterday I caught Gawain again talking to Merlin. Thankfully the following training session has clued him in. He actually ran from Merlin afterwards. Was astonished that he still could run. Doubt that he will ever talk to my manservant again.

Merlin said I’m a bully. Whatever.

Day 44

Was scared out of my mind the last day. Morgana got so sick we all thought she was going to die. Thanks to this new physician, Edwin, she didn’t.

Creepy guy, but I think that’s not his fault. Has to be awful to live with a face like that.

Merlin seems to like him. But Merlin likes everyone.

I’m concerned about Gaius. I can’t understand my father and I hope Edwin will not accept his offer.

Day 45

Of course, Edwin accepted the offer. Just great. Now Merlin is disappointed in me because I can’t convince my father to keep Gaius. As if anyone is able to convince my father of something when he made his mind up. Me? Certainly not.

Shitty day.

Day 46

Whoa. Edwin was a sorcerer. Cursed my father. Father almost died.

Wonder who threw the battle axe that killed Edwin. No way Gaius did that. My father may accept things like that, I don’t. Again, very weird.
And how did my father get cured? I wonder why no one else is asking these questions. I would like to, but I have a very bad feeling about it. Better to keep my mouth shut and watch things closely.

Day 48

Merlin is bitching at me. He wants me to leave Gawain alone. He tells me Gawain is just a friend. I will believe that when hell freezes over. I worry a little though. I’m too obvious.

Day 54

Oh fuck. What was that? I still can’t really remember how the whole thing with Sophia went down. Way to make an idiot out of myself. My father is still grinning like a moron whenever he sees me.

For the life of me, I can’t understand what I saw in that girl. She was pretty, alright, but I don’t go for pretty right now.

And again, this whole thing is weird. I can’t believe Merlin managed to knock me out. But maybe he did it? Maybe he was jealous enough? Dream on, prat.

I had the strangest dream… me, drowning in an ice cold lake, Merlin saving me… and then we kissed on the beach. I’m pretty sure that didn’t happen.

Morgana outdid herself in bitching. Even my father looked a little stunned after listening to her.

Feel sorry for Merlin, he spent quite a few hours in the stocks the last days. Believe I made it up to him by letting him take another bath in my chambers. Even did wash his back. He looked a little freaked out. I think I’m still too obvious. I wanted to join him in the tub.

Note to self: Find new, secure hiding place for this book.

Day 56

I’m obsessing over my manservant. I can’t believe it.

I want to talk to someone about it, but with whom? Morgana? I would rather behead myself.

I kind of want my boring life back. Everything was nice and calm before he appeared in Camelot.

I never ever wanted to kiss another man in my whole life. But I want to kiss Merlin.

I think I will have to burn this book.

Day 62

BLOODY HELL. BLOOD FUCKING HELL!

I can’t believe Morgana can be so stupid. Insane, yes, but not stupid.

What’s the matter with those stupid druids? If I were a druid, I wouldn’t go to the market of Camelot, for God’s sake!

Lately, exile is looking good for me. My father is… I don’t even know what to call him. Wanting to kill a little boy.

Of course I had to get him out. Would have been in a shit hole of trouble if Merlin hadn’t decided to show up finally. Wonder what’s going on with him, he was not exactly overjoyed to save the little boy. Weird, weird, weird.

The whole thing was weird. I’m just glad it’s over and done with. Don’t want to see any of those creepy druids again in my life.

Day 63

Now I really wonder what’s up. Merlin is always there, the whole day. He even asked me, before dawn, if he could come on patrol with me.

He fell off the horse twice.

Had a meeting with my father about my upcoming birthday and the ceremony. Can’t wait to be Crown Prince. Father will be even more demanding afterwards.

Wonder if Merlin will get me something. I’m getting more stupid every day.

Day 64

Awesome day.

Knights are in good shape, finally. All the training lately paid off. Got a new sword and a very fine battle axe from them.

Morgana gave me a new leather coat, but not without bitching about the old one.

Father gave me nothing.

Best gift came from Merlin. A beautiful hunting falcon. No idea where he got it from, or how he could afford a trained falcon. Can’t wait to go on a hunt with it. What was even better was the way Merlin acted. Blushing, stuttering… I’m sure he likes me, too. Now I just have to get the dreaded ceremony behind me tomorrow, then I will try something.

Can’t wait.

Day 65

Great. Just great.

Owain is as good as dead.

Day 66

Too angry to write.
Owain is dead. Pellinor will be dead tomorrow. I want to rip this dark knight’s head off… and beat my father up.

Day 68

I don’t believe it!

After Pellinor died, I actually managed to issue a challenge on my own, just seconds before Gawain did. (And that would have been a disaster, in many ways.) And then my father made Gaius drug me and took on the fight himself.

I still wonder how Father survived this. As it turned out, this black Knight was some kind of ghost. So how could my father win?

On other news, I fucked things up with Merlin. Way to go, Crown Prince, yell at the man and threaten him with your sword.

I saw him leaving Camelot this afternoon and for hours I angsted, worried, wondered if he would come back. Fortunately, he did. Was very subdued the whole evening though. Dammit.

Day 70

Merlin is still not… well, I guess. Wish I could think of something to make him feel better.

Knights training was gloomy. We didn’t really train at all. Everyone was thinking about Pellinor and Owain.

I wish I could talk to my father about it but what sense would that make? He would only berate me for being too sentimental.

Fuck.

Day 71

Took Merlin and my new falcon on a hunt today. Good idea, very good idea.

The falcon is not only beautiful; it’s the best bird of prey I’ve ever seen. I thanked Merlin again for this present and finally got a smile in response. It’s ridiculous how happy that smile made me.

I’m afraid I’m falling for Merlin. And that is so not good. Wanting him, even having a tumble with him now and then… that would be alright. But I can’t risk falling in love with him. No way. But how can I stop this feeling?

I’m a complete moron.

Day 72

Merlin’s mother arrived today with bad news. Raiders are terrorizing their village. Merlin asked me to bring her to my father and I was stupidly glad to be able to help.

My father was… Gods. I wish Hunith had said sorcerers were in the village, then my father himself would have been on a horse in ten seconds.

Of course, Merlin left with her. I don’t even dare to think about what will happen to him. He can’t fight. He will die. I will never see him again.

No, forget that. I will follow them. Right now.

Day 78

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I’m too stupid to be alive.

I never was so jealous before. And I fucked everything up.

And things were so good before. I loved being with Merlin. I loved being away from Camelot. I even thought… I don’t know.

I wish someone would beat me up. How messed up am I to say such cruel and mean things to the person I – while he is mourning? Just because he may have been in love with this Will some day?

Merlin stood by me the whole time and how do I repay him?

No way do I believe Will had been a sorcerer, though. And that means something I can’t write down. A lot of things make sense now. Now I’m in the deepest shit imaginable. Because let’s face it, this feeling won’t go away. And it can’t be. Never.

I thought I hated my life before. Forget it.

Day 80

I thought I could avoid Merlin. I can’t. To the contrary, I seek him out.

I wonder why he’s still so nice to me. After what I did I wouldn’t blame him if he hated me. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t.

I don’t want to know how I look lately. Gawain is throwing glances full of pity at me. Great.

Tomorrow we’ll go on a hunt. I will take a few knights with us, I can’t stand to be alone with Merlin right now.

Day 81

Another great day in my life.

And here I was, thinking I finally managed to hunt down something exciting. A unicorn. Merlin was all angsty and then pissed off at me. No wonder, I called him a girl.

Father was proud but at that time I couldn’t enjoy it anymore. Didn’t feel any better when Gaius told us with a voice full of doom about the curse.

Day 82

Merlin is still angry. So I got angry too and told him to hunt down that damned rat. If I go on like that, I could tell him ten times I’m in love with him, he wouldn’t believe it anyway.

Weird and real bad thing happened. The corn all over the realm died. Father and I are hoping it’s some kind of disease and Gaius will be able to cure it. Merlin is looking at me ominously. I don’t want to know.

Day 83

Now the water has vanished. It’s the work of sorcery, that much is clear.

Merlin mumbles on and on about the unicorn curse. Especially after we met that guy/sorcerer/whatever, Anhora. Keeper of the Unicorns, my ass.

If I believe in what Merlin is saying, I would have to kill myself. I can’t stand watching how much the people suffer.

Day 86

Thank to the Gods, it’s over.

I actually managed to do the right thing. And I think I have learned a few things on the way. About my pride, for example. And about my feelings for Merlin. This is the real thing, I know it. No matter that it can’t work out. At least not now.

Alone the thought of starting something romantically with Merlin makes my blood freeze. Merlin is far too open. My father would notice immediately. And the last thing I want is my father watching Merlin.

I still wish… no. I have to protect him.

I feel stupid.

Day 97

Leaving Camelot forever (with Merlin) seems to be a good idea.

My father has obviously lost his mind. First, he orders Gwen’s father killed (as if Tom had really anything evil to do with Tauren), then he throws Morgana in the dungeons over night. I talked for hours at my father to get her out again. Gods, I never saw her in such a mood before. I can’t even describe it.

I feel so sorry for Gwen, I really do. Still I wonder why she has to sleep in Merlin’s bed.

As I said, exile is looking better and better every day.

Day 98

Gods.

I don’t even want to know what happened today at the grave of Morgana’s father.

Especially considering that Merlin wasn’t in Camelot the whole day.

I don’t want to know. I’m just glad they are all home now again, healthy.

Day 100

I noticed today that I started writing this book on the day I met Merlin. This feels strange. Like destiny.

By today, I’ve known him for one hundred days. Feels like years.

Gods, look at what I wrote. And I have the nerve to call Merlin a girl.

Day 110

Can’t remember much of what happened in the last days after I was bitten by that monster. Questing beast. I really think Father should listen more to what Gaius says.

I can remember some things, like a dream. Merlin yelling at me, my father carrying me, Morgana weeping, Gwen talking to me. Then I remember Merlin holding my head, stroking my hair?

I finally woke up yesterday night. My father was sitting by my side.

Dammit, everything hurts. I’m barely able to write.

Merlin just came in to see me. He gave me the strangest speech ever. Hell, I wish I could move. Something bad is going on, and I have no idea what, except the fact that Merlin is in the middle of it.

Gods, what he said… it sounded like good-bye.

Day 111

He came back to me. Thank you, Gods. He’s back.

And for the life of me, I couldn’t have resisted him. While I’m writing this, he’s asleep right beside me.

I have no idea how we will manage the future. I don’t know what to do or say about his… well. I don’t know if I should ask him. I don’t know if I can tell him I’m in love with him. The only thing I do know is that I won’t let him leave again. Ever.

The End.