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Chapter Text

“Settle down, students, settle down. I have an important announcement to make.”

The excited chatter in the hall gradually died down as the crowd of young Huntsmen and Huntresses turned to face their Headmaster. Setting down his mug of hot chocolate, Professor Ozpin cleared his throat and stepped to the front of the platform. “As some of you may already know, your professors and I have been making some subtle changes to the Beacon curriculum, in order to improve the camaraderie and diversify the skills of your teams.” 

Some of the students looked on with curiosity; others with confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?” queried Yang Xiao Long, who was hanging around at the front of the hall with the rest of Team RWBY. 

“Shhh,” Weiss sniped. “Maybe if you listen, you might actually find out?”

Patiently, Ozpin continued. “I proposed a list of extracurricular activities to the rest of the staff, and although many of these were related to your training, one of those that did not was met by general approval from your professors.” He paused, smiling slightly. “This activity was, generally speaking, a baking competition.”

The whispers from the crowd grew louder, intrigued. One voice, however, was filled with scornful laughter. “A baking competition?” crowed Cardin Winchester. “Baking’s for cissies!” 

His teammates nudged one another and sneered. “Yeah, baking’s for cissies!” 

Only Dove Bronzewing did not join in with the mocking laughter. “I’m actually quite a good baker,” he admitted quietly.

Ozpin cleared his throat again and directed the students’ attention to a projection which had just appeared behind him. “This diagram represents the four stages of the contest. The first round will involve all eight of the teams who enter; two teams will be eliminated each week, so that the final round will consist of a head-to-head baking session between the members of two teams.

”In addition, the number of bakers in each team will be reduced for every round; however, it is up to the students in that team to decide who will stay and who will leave. Each round will consist of three themed baking challenges: cakes for the first round, biscuits for the second, bread for the third, whilst the fourth and final round will be based on pastry.” 

The projection faded out as three figures joined Professor Ozpin on the platform. “Professor Goodwitch, Doctor Oobleck and Professor Port have kindly agreed to judge the bakes and decide which teams are to be eliminated each week,” Ozpin announced. “And I must warn you that, as in the classroom, they will not hesitate to deliver strong criticism.” He narrowed his eyes. “Nor will they hesitate to penalise any competitors who fail to adhere to the rules.”

Then he straightened up and smiled with sudden briskness. “Now, any teams who wish to participate in the Great Beacon Bake Off - please step up to the platform, and check off your team name on Professor Goodwitch’s scroll.”

Suddenly the whole hall was buzzing with conversation. “Yaaaaang!” pleaded Ruby, clinging onto her sister’s arm. “Pleeeeeease say you’ll enter with us!” 

“Sure I will,” replied Yang. “but what about these two?”

”I don’t mind baking,” offered Blake. “Weiss?”

”Don’t look at me.” Weiss smoothed her dress distractedly. “I don’t think I’ve baked since... never.”

”Oh, come on. How hard can it be?” asked Yang. “Flour in a bowl, add some stuff, mix in some other stuff, put in the oven, job done.”

”I don’t think that’s exactly...” Weiss began, but Ruby cut her off.

”Ooh, I know! We can do the baking and you can help with the icing!”

Yang smirked. “Don’t you mean the Weissing?”

”Oh ha ha, you’re so funny,” Weiss rolled her eyes. “All right, I’ll join the baking club.”

”Yay!” Ruby bounced on the spot like a hyper kangaroo. “Team RWBY is ready for Bake Off!”

Chapter Text

Exactly seven days and four hours later, all four members of Team RWBY were covered in streaks of flour, smears of chocolate and (in Ruby’s case) the stains of an entire egg. Brushing cocoa powder from her face, Blake peered doubtfully into the oven.

”I don’t think they’re rising,” she admitted.

The sad-looking chocolate traybakes in the oven were part of the first task: to create and decorate twenty-four pieces of chocolate cake in two different flavours. Disconcertingly, Team RWBY’s cakes looked more like square pancakes; even more disconcertingly, Professor Goodwitch had just announced that there were only twenty minutes to go. 

Yang glanced across at teams CFVY and JNPR, both of whom were already decorating a batch of perfectly risen cakes. “We have to take them out,” she determined. “We can’t be the only team that doesn’t ice their cakes.”

So the traybakes came out. Flat.

”I’m sure they won’t look so... miserable after I’ve decorated them,” Weiss suggested, picking up the bowl of buttercream, but Ruby stopped her.

”Wait! We can’t ice them until they’re cool!” 

Not for the first time that day, Weiss lamented the fact that no Dust and no Semblances were allowed in the contest. A little bit of ice would come in handy right now...

”...or, y’know, we could just use the freezer,” Yang suggested. So the cakes were hurriedly shoved into the freezer, leaving Team RWBY nothing to do but wipe flour out of their hair and fret over the consistency of Weiss’ buttercream.

Finally it was time to present the cakes to the three judges - starting with Team JNPR. “I believe there were supposed to twenty-four cakes, not twenty-two,” noted Doctor Oobleck.

Nora hastily licked the chocolate from her lips. “Really? ‘Cause I thought there were always twenty-two...” 

Nonetheless, Team JNPR came away looking pleased after Professor Port pronounced their chocolate orange sponge “delightful”. Teams PEPR and LIME had less success, though, whilst Team CRDL (who had eventually signed up after Ozpin had hinted that there was a “grand prize” for the winner) produced a surprisingly decent batch of cakes.

Then it was RWBY’s turn.

Professor Goodwitch cast an appraising eye over the flat sponges and the half-melted buttercream. “I’m afraid to say that this is a very disappointing effort, Team RWBY.”

Ruby hung her head and squirmed awkwardly. “Sorry...”

”Well, the proof of the traybake is in the eating,” said Oobleck with faint optimism. “What flavours did you use?”

”Uh... that one’s white chocolate and ginger... that one’s dark chocolate and cherry.”

The judges each took a reluctant forkful. “Oh, my,” Goodwitch admitted, “the flavour is extraordinary.”

”In a good way,” asked Yang, “or...?”

”Good would be something of an understatement,” Port announced. “Young lady, these cakes are delectable.”

”Which just goes to show,” added Doctor Oobleck, “one should never judge things by their appearance. Although, ironically, in this case it is vital to judge your entries by appearance. But that is admittedly of little importance compared to the content of the bake, which is, quite frankly, delicious.”

”Yesssss!!!” Yang and Ruby fist-pumped simultaneously (to Blake’s amusement and Weiss’ mock-despair). “Uhh...I mean, thank you very much.”

And it was on this half-successful, half-disastrous note that Team RWBY went on to the “Technical Challenge” of Cake Week.

”For this challenge,” announced Professor Ozpin, “the judges will not be present until the challenge is completed, so as to avoid any bias for or against a particular team on the basis of how they carry out the task.”

“Us teachers, biased?” Port mouthed as he and the others made their exit - although he ruined it by winking at Yang and Weiss immediately afterwards. Yang gagged; Weiss graciously pretended she hadn’t noticed.

”Now,” continued Ozpin once the judges had left, “Your task is to create a popular Atlesian celebration cake, known for its delicate layers and pea-green icing: the Princess Cake. Not only should your Princess Cake be perfectly structured, but it should also be decorated with a marzipan rose and edged with a scalloped design.”

Many of the students exchanged nervous glances.

”You have one hour to complete this challenge in your teams,” Ozpin added. “Students, you may now begin your first Technical Challenge!”

Weiss surveyed the ingredients with excitement. “Princess Cake is one of my favourite Atlesian delicacies,” she explained. “Klein gave me one for my birthday once. It must have been my tenth birthday,” she added, her face clouding.

Team CRDL, however, was enthusiastic about the Technical Challenge for another reason. With Goodwitch, Oobleck and Port out of the way, they were practically free to do whatever they liked - and that included picking on the other students.

In front of Team CRDL was Team SQJJ, an unusual team by Beacon standards; not only was its name comprised entirely from surname initials, but all four of its members were Faunus. “Don’t you know it’s unhygienic to let animals in the kitchen?” sneered Cardin, wrinkling his nose and poking Stella Jaffarine’s antlers with a dirty spatula.

The team leader, Phyllida Sage, looked up from her saucepan of raspberries and rolled her eyes. “Don’t you know you have the face of a man with severe constipation?” she retorted. “Stop screwing your face up at us, and get on with your baking.”

“You’ve got some nerve, sassing me like that,” growled Cardin. Discreetly he checked his reflection in  the surface of a metal spoon. “Uh, Russel, there’s nothing wrong with my face, is there?”

Russel stopped flicking marzipan at the back of Jaune Arc’s head and looked up. “Uhhhhh... nope, don’t think so.” This was said with a smirk as he noticed a blob of cake batter sliding down the side of Cardin’s nose. Oh well, thought Russel, he’ll notice it eventually.

Meanwhile, Team RWBY was making rapid progress. Ruby’s raspberry jam was almost set; Weiss was already rolling out the marzipan; Blake had just put her bowl of creme patissiere in the fridge, whilst Yang - who had assigned herself the task of making the sponge base - was pondering which oven shelf to put the tin in. “Top shelf or bottom?”

”Top shelf,” decided Blake, just as Ruby replied, “Bottom shelf.”

”Sorry, Ruby,” Blake insisted, “but we just don’t have time to use the bottom shelf. It’ll bake faster at the top.”

”But we’re waaaaaay ahead of everyone else!” Ruby protested. “This little cake is delicate. We don’t want it to burn.”

”I still think the bottom shelf is too cold.”

”Well, I think the top shelf is too hot.”

”Isn’t there a middle shelf?” said Weiss, who was clearly getting fed up with the argument.

Yang inspected the oven again. “Nope,” she replied. “No middle shelf. Oh, wait... the shelves slide out. I think you can move them...”

So the top shelf was moved to the middle, and Yang’s sponge was baked in the centre of the oven -where it was neither too hot, nor too cold, but -

“Just right, yes,” Weiss rolled her eyes. “Thank you, Yang.” 

Before long, RWBY had assembled the layers of their Princess Cake; all that remained was the marzipan decoration. Whilst Blake and Yang attempted to smooth a layer of pale green marzipan over the top of the domelike cake, Ruby and Weiss made the roses. 

“For someone whose symbol is actually a rose,” commented Weiss, surveying Ruby’s haphazardly shaped petals of pink marzipan, “you do make awful roses.”

”Sorry...” Ruby apologised. “I just keep squashing the petals...”

Weiss smiled. “That said,” she admitted, “mine are pretty awful too.”

”Awww, Weiss, they’re not that bad. Especially for someone whose symbol isn’t a rose.”

Yang tapped impatiently on the worktop. “Are you two chatting or helping?” she said. “Blake and I have finished already.” 

“Helping! Definitely helping!” Ruby replied hurriedly, not wanting to let her team down. They had less than three minutes to go now - and although they were marginally ahead of the other teams, there was still a risk of running out of time if they got distracted.

Almost immediately, it seemed, their time was up. “Please bring your Princess Cakes up to the front,” Ozpin commanded, “and place them behind your team photograph. Mr. Arc! Your time is up now.”

”Sorry,” mumbled Jaune, who was attempting to patch up a crack in the marzipan on Team JNPR’s cake. Pyrrha smiled and gently took the cake from him, placing it behind JNPR’s photograph on the long table at the front. 

“Now,” announced Ozpin as Goodwitch, Oobleck and Port made their re-entrance, “the judges will taste each of your cakes in turn, before ranking them from eighth place to first place.”

”We’ll start from this end, shall we?” Doctor Oobleck took a slice from Team CFVY’s cake. “Hmmm... these layers are exceptionally neat.” 

“Although,” added Professor Port, “I fear that the sponge has been tragically overbaked.”

The following comments continued in a similar vein. Although all of the teams tried their hardest to keep a straight face whilst their own cake was being judged, Ruby kept fidgeting as the judges inspected Team RWBY’s cake - and when it came to Team SQJJ’s turn, Chiara Jaffarine involuntarily began to flick her red panda tail back and forth.

After what seemed to be an entire eon, the judges announced the rankings. “In last place,” said Goodwitch, pointing at Team CRDL’s cake with her riding crop, “is this one. Underbaked sponge, and the creme patissiere has curdled. And, I might add, the decoration is barely acceptable.”

Cardin glared at Dove Bronzewing. “I thought you knew what you were doing!” he hissed. (In fact, Dove had been left to do all of the work, so it wasn’t surprising that he had achieved such poor results in just one hour.)

In seventh place: Team LIME. "Unfortunately the layers were very poorly executed," Doctor Oobleck lamented. "Nevertheless, I wouldn't be disheartened if I were you, Team LIME; you were perhaps the only team which achieved a perfect shade of green in their marzipan."

The verdantly garbed team nodded. "Green is kind of our speciality," admitted Emerarudo "Rudi" Midori, the youngest member of Team LIME. 

In sixth place was Team ONXC, followed by teams PEPR and CFVY. Jaune's last-minute reparations had clearly paid off, as JNPR's cake was pronounced "one of the neater ones” by Professor Port, who awarded them third place. 

That just left Team SQJJ and -

“Team RWBY,” announced Goodwitch. “Yes, I thought this one might have been yours. The flavours are just right - although I must say, the marzipan is extraordinarily pale...”

Weiss coloured slightly. “In my defence,” she whispered to her teammates, “the cake that Klein made for me was powder blue.”

”Don’t worry about it, Ice Queen.” Yang squidged Weiss’ arm playfully. “Relax! We came second!”

”And so in first place, if my memory serves me correctly,” said Oobleck, smiling with approval at the quartet of Faunus girls, “is Team SQJJ, with a Princess Cake that - in both structure and taste - was virtually perfect.”

”We’re far from perfect,” stated rabbit-tailed Selèna Quince (known as ‘Q’ to her friends), “but we are good.” Meanwhile, the Jaffarine twins did an enthusiastic victory handshake behind her back.

The final challenge of Cake Week was to take place the following day, leaving the competitors time to relax. “I think that went pretty well,” sighed Ruby, flopping down on her bunk that evening. 

“You know what?” Blake said as she entered the room in her nightdress. “I think if we work together and stay focused, we may actually have a chance of getting into the finals.”

”Or, y’know, winning,” added Yang.

Weiss gave them a serious look. “Well, don’t celebrate until there’s something to celebrate for,” she pointed out. “We’re not out of the woods just yet.”

Chapter Text

“Ruby...”

”Mehhhh...” Ruby rolled over in her sleep. “Geddoff, Zwei... tickles...”

”Ruby.”

”Nonnow, Zwei...”

”Ruuuuby!”

Ruby woke up abruptly and pulled her eyemask up off of her face. “Yaaaang,” she moaned, as a cloud of blonde hair tickled her forehead. “I was asleep.”

”And you’re standing on my bed,” Weiss pointed out. She was already dressed and, judging by the sounds coming from the bathroom, Blake was brushing her teeth.

Yang hopped down from Weiss’ bed with a thud. “Sorry,” she said casually. “Just thought I’d remind you, it’s the showstopper challenge today.”

”OHMYGOSH!” Ruby sprang out of bed. “I nearly forgot! Did I oversleep? Please say I didn’t oversleep!” Grabbing her clothes, she got dressed in a flurry of flying pyjamas and zoomed out of the door.

A few moments later, she was back. “Oops. Nearly forgot to brush my teeth and put my shoes on and... I pretty much forgot everything.”

"Whoa, calm down, sis," Yang exclaimed, scruffling her sister’s hair affectionately. "We still have an hour until the challenge starts."

"Oh. Yeah. Okay. Good point."

Exactly one hour later, all eight teams were standing at their ovens once more, waiting for Professor Ozpin to unleash the perils of the Showstopper Challenge upon them. "Today, your judges will be expecting a four-tier celebration cake, decorated to represent the four members of your team. However, each sponge layer must be made using at least one form of vegetable."

"Bleuggghhh!" Nora retched, pretending to vomit into her mixing bowl. "Vegetable cake? That's- "

"- that sounds delightful," Pyrrha supplemented feebly.

Jaune jutted out his chin with determined pride. "Hey, I make a mean parsnip cake, if I say so myself," he returned. (Ren simply met Ozpin's eyes with a long-suffering, sorry-about-my-teammates sort of look.)

"Thank you, Team JNPR," said Ozpin severely, although there was a slight smile on his lips. "Whether you use a different vegetable for each layer, or the same throughout, is up to you. Nonetheless, flavour and appearance are of equal importance - I must advise you all that it is not worth sacrificing one for the other. Now,” he added, checking the time, “you have three hours in which to complete this challenge - including half an hour of planning time, starting...” He checked his watch. “Now!”

Before long, most of the teams had come up with a brief plan for their cakes (with the exception of Team PEPR, who had run out of ideas after realising that peppers were a fruit, not a vegetable). Conversely, Team RWBY - having had the initiative to look up ‘vegetables’ on Weiss’ scroll - had just discovered that rhubarb, peanuts and ginger were in fact vegetables.

“So my cake cake be rhubarb,” suggested Ruby, “yours can be peanut-flavoured, Weiss, and Yang’s can be ginger-flavoured, and Blake’s can be... uhh...” She paused. “Are there any black vegetables?”

Blake considered for a moment. "Not that I know of.”

”Besides, aren’t you allergic to peanuts?” Weiss pointed out.

Ruby shrugged. “Ehhh, I don’t have to eat it. It’s a pretty mild allergy anyway.”

Whilst most of the teams puzzled over the plans for their cakes, however, Team JNPR had already formulated an idea which Ren had written out and Jaune had illustrated. "So you're making a spinach cake, Ren..." Jaune confirmed, "...Pyrrha, yours is sweet potato, right? Nora's using beetroot - and I, of course, will be making my signature parsnip cake."

"If it's your signature cake," pointed out Nora cynically, "why didn't you make it for the signature challenge?"

"Ah-ah-ah. Don't interrupt." Jaune wagged a disapproving finger at his teammate. "We also need someone to make the juniper syrup, for drizzling the cakes with..."

"Oh - I'll make the juniper syrup!" said Pyrrha eagerly - then sat back down, subdued. "If, uh, nobody else want to, of course," she added. 

Team CRDL’s plans, as usual, were not so conscientious. Considering the fact that they had done so badly in the technical, Cardin and his teammates realised that any chance they had of getting through to the next week - let alone winning the 'grand prize' - was quickly slipping through their fingers. Which meant that they had to resort to a new tactic.

Sabotage.

Of course, once the baking had begun, it was only an accident that Sky Lark spilled a little extra baking powder into Jaune's mixing bowl. And it was only an accident that Team CFVY's oven was turned up three gas marks too high, so that Velvet was forced to take her carrot cake out when the edges started to turn black. And it was just a strange coincidence that Team SQJJ (who were, unfortunately, sharing a refrigerator with Team CRDL) took their fondant out of the fridge to find that half of it had inexplicably disappeared - just as it was a coincidence that all of these incidents happened when the judges were on the other side of the room.

It was Blake who caught Russel Thrush sneaking away from Team RWBY's workbench with a jar of crystallised ginger behind his back. "Were you going somewhere with that?" she asked sweetly.

Russel jerked around, startled. "Uh, no - um, yes, I mean, it's mine. For my cake."

"No, it's not." Blake's eyes narrowed. "That belongs to Yang. And you're going to give it back."

Russel hesitated. “Why should I -“

”Now.”

”Fine,” he muttered begrudgingly, stuffing the jar into Blake’s hands. “Didn’t want it anyway.”

Before long, Weiss and Yang had their cakes in the oven, whilst Ruby and Blake were attempting to shape pieces of fondant into decorations for each layer: a ring of flames, a black bow, a glyph-like snowflake and a cluster of roses (on which Ruby had improved notably since the Technical Challenge). Team SQJJ was also moulding fondant, having made another batch after their original one had gone ‘missing’, but they were making tiny animals - a fox, a rabbit, a deer and a red panda - in representation of their Faunus features. Blake watched them for a moment and wistfully began to shape her black fondant into a four-legged, feline shape, then hastily squashed it flat as Cardin walked past. 

”Do you smell something... odd?” Weiss asked suddenly. 

Yang smirked. “Cardin just went by, if that’s what you mean,” she replied.

Blake tilted her head to one side curiously. “I smell something too.”

”Like burning?!” Ruby panicked, checking the oven. “Nope, not ours.”

”No, it’s not exactly like burning. It’s more like...”

POUFFT! 

All of the teams in the nearby area swivelled round to look at Team JNPR, who, in turn, had swivelled round to look frantically at their oven. For some reason, Jaune's parsnip cake was furiously bubbling and foaming like a miniature geyser, spraying globs of hot cake batter everywhere.

"Help me, Ren! My cake's exploded!" Jaune wailed.

Ren stared at the volcanic cake with bemusement. "I'm afraid that this is probably an issue I can't solve," he admitted. "And besides, what makes you think that I  would be able to solve it?"

"Oh, stoppit," teased Nora, pinching his arm. "Everyone knows you're the only real baker in the team." She glanced at Pyrrha's sweet-potato cake, which was cooling elegantly on a rack. "Well... you and Pyrrha, maybe." (Pyrrha blushed modestly at this.)

"I think," Ren said, "you may just have to reject this cake and start again."

So Jaune rejected his cake and started again.

Since Jaune's cake had been the smallest of the four tiers, it didn't take much effort - or ingredients - for him to make another one. So, with only fifteen minutes to go, Team JNPR was just about able to assemble their "showstopper", as the other teams were already putting the finishing touches to their decorations. Meanwhile Jaune's original parsnip cake disintegrated sadly in the bin. Why it had exploded, nobody ever found out... although it may have had something to do with the fact that Sky Lark had poured several spoonfuls of baking powder into the mixture, and that it had reacted rather furiously with the acidic juniper syrup.

The final fifteen minutes passed rapidly. "Students!" Ozpin announced, making everyone jump. "Your time is up! Please place your vegetable cakes at the end of your benches..."

Ruby cast an admiring eye over her team's cake. It looked surprisingly professional: with smooth, vividly coloured fondant, sharply angular lettering and a whole bouquet's worth of red roses on the top, there was no doubt that it could be called a showstopper. They had even managed to black vegetable for Blake's layer (black lentils, which looked disgusting but smelled quite appetising). "Well done, guys," she whispered proudly to her friends, who smiled back gratefully.

"Well," said Glynda Goodwitch, looking slowly around the room, "there is certainly some... variation in the quality of these cakes." Her eyes lingered over Team ONXC’s cake, which hadn't been decorated so much as blasted with a can of edible glitter spray, and was leaning ominously to one side. "Let's start with this one, shall we?"

After dissecting ONXC’s glittering behemoth and LIME’s unsurprisingly green cake, the judges loomed ever closer to the bench at which Team RWBY waited expectantly. The judging was clearly harsher than it had been in the previous two challenges; Team PEPR was criticised for the unevenness of their buttercream, whilst Velvet Scarlatina almost burst into tears after she was told that her carrot-and-cappuccino sponge tasted like damp soil.

JNPR and CRDL both produced surprisingly good cakes (though the judges failed to notice that about half of CRDL’s ingredients had been stolen from the other teams). Again, Team SQJJ received mostly positive feedback - although Professor Port mistook Chiara Jaffarine’s red panda for a squirrel, and Doctor Oobleck deemed their sponges “a little too squidgy in the centre.”

”What do you expect?” Q replied, half-indignant, half-joking. “We’re called Team SQJJ. If LIME can make green cakes, then we can make squidgy cakes.” Fortunately, Oobleck rather liked Q and understood that she wasn’t trying to cheek him.

Yang, however, was definitely trying to cheek the judges. “Look, don’t touch. This is a work of art. Don’t damage it.” She waved her hand towards the yellow fondant curls on the bottom layer. “And don’t touch the hair.”

Professor Goodwitch ignored her and sliced right through the fondant tresses. “So this is... what vegetable is in this, exactly?”

”Ginger. It’s a root.”

”Hmm. Not a culinarily conventional vegetable, though.” Goodwitch narrowed her green eyes slightly. “And the other three are...?” 

“Black lentil, peanut and rhubarb,” supplied Ruby helpfully. 

“Again, not conventional vegetables. And you should have consulted one of us before using a serious allergen like peanuts. Even the dust can be inhaled and cause a reaction - you should know that.”

”I didn’t inhale any,” Ruby muttered under her breath (then fought the ironic but natural urge to cough).

Despite the criticisms of Team RWBY’s choice of vegetables, all of the judges agreed that their decoration was very fine indeed, and the flavours were fairly good - especially the black lentil, to Blake’s surprise. The only other issue was that Ruby’s rhubarb had made her sponge a bit soggy. “Sorry. I probably should have drained it or something,” she admitted.

Goodwitch, Oobleck and Port thanked the students and then promptly vanished from the room. “The judges now have fifteen minutes to decide which two teams will be leaving the competition,” Ozpin informed his pupils, “and which team will be declared Star Bakers...”

Those fifteen minutes passed extremely slowly. Most of the students spent their time chatting in low voices or nervously nibbling leftover cake; Pyrrha started re-washing all of JNPR’s utensils, even though she and Ren had already made them spotless. There was an unmistakably tense, anxious atmosphere in the room, weighing down like a heavy anchor on the thirty-two competitors. Even Team CRDL were unusually subdued.

Finally the three teachers returned and the room descended into silence. “Now, this week I have the enjoyable task of announcing the Star Bakers,” Oobleck proclaimed. “A team with excellent flavours to their bakes, and a sensationally stunning sense of creativity in their decoration.”

Ruby squeezed Weiss’ arm with excitement.

”A team thoroughly deserving of the Star Baker title - the wonderful Team SQJJ!” announced Oobleck. 

“Us?” said Selèna Quince incredulously. Chiara Jaffarine was flushing with embarrassment and pleasure, whilst her sister and her team leader were already on their feet to collect their Star Baker aprons. “Chiara, come on. Both of you! Just accept your prize!”

The room filled with clapping and whooping (mingled with some coarse ‘boooo!’s from Team CRDL), which continued until Goodwitch stepped forwards and said, “Settle down!”

Silence hurriedly descended again. “Now,” she continued, “Professor Port and I have the less pleasant responsibility of announcing the two teams leaving the competition.”

Russel Thrush and Sky Lark began to shuffle awkwardly, beginning to regret their acts of sabotage. Surely if the judges had found out, they would be disqualified immediately? But their leader Cardin sat firm, his face impassive, unreadable.

”Unfortunately, the first team to leave us will be...” Goodwitch gazed across the nervous faces of the students. “Team ONXC. I’m afraid your bakes didn’t look very professional at all.” 

Team ONXC nodded and “hmm”ed, but didn’t say anything. All four of them looked slightly dejected.

”And the second team leaving the Great Beacon Bake Off...” announced Port, “is...” He paused. “Team...” He paused again. “LIME!”

”Of course,” said team leader Leighton Peridot sardonically, rolling his eyes. Leighton could be quite pessimistic sometimes. His teammates shrugged complacently and pointed out that they hadn’t expected to get through anyway. Team SQJJ congratulated the two teams graciously, and all eight of them got a hasty hug from Sèlena Quince.

Once the fuss had died down and the losing teams had made an exit, Ozpin called for a hush. “Remember, next week is Biscuit Week,” he reminded them, “and the size of your teams will be voluntarily reduced from four to three. The details of the Signature and Showstopper bakes will be sent to your scrolls. Do not let this detract from your training,” he added sternly.

“Biscuits! I love biscuits!” Ruby whooped. “This is going to be awesome!”

  I found this cake on Pinterest but I couldn't find the name of the person who made it.

Chapter Text

“So, remind me why we’re supposed to be baking a hatstand again?”

Yang inspected the twiggy white item at the end of the workbench. It was the first day of Biscuit Week, and as Ozpin had reminded them, all of the remaining teams had been reduced from four members to three: in Team RWBY’s case, it was now Team RBY, since Weiss was the one who had been least eager to participate in the first place.

”That, Miss Xiao Long, is not a hatstand,” said Doctor Oobleck, appearing suddenly behind her. “Had you been paying a little more attention to Professor Ozpin, you would know that this is the tree from which your team will be hanging your seasonal shortbreads, to represent the changing of the seasons throughout the year.”

“Oh, cool!” Ruby exclaimed. “I thought it was a weird spatula-holder or something.”

Blake tied back her hair in a second black ribbon and began weighing out the flour. “We had better get started,” she reminded her teammates. “Ruby, do you think you could go a whole challenge without eating the biscuit dough?”

Their plan was to create a sort of cherry-blossom tree, as it would be easiest to represent all four seasons on. Dark crimson leaves for the fall, snowflakes for winter, little sprays of pink blossom for the spring, and cherries for the summer. “This is going to look great,” Yang asserted, slicing butter into cubes. “Good idea to do a cherry tree, Blake.”

”So good that Team JNPR have copied us!” said Ruby indignantly. Indeed, Jaune, Pyrrha and Ren had drawn a diagram of a cherry tree almost identical to Blake’s plan; the only visible difference was that they were making individual blossom flowers rather than clusters.

Jaune overheard her and looked up, concerned. “You’re doing a cherry tree as well?”

”We thought of it first, copycats!” Yang retorted. “Well, Blake did, actually.”

”Sorry!” Pyrrha replied. “Your tree will look lovely. I’m sure the judges won’t mind if it’s similar to ours.”

But Team CRLD (now minus Russel) were intent on making another cherry tree. Although they didn’t know about Team RWBY’s plan, Sky Lark had spotted the diagram on JNPR’s workbench and pointed it out to his two teammates. “Look, a cherry tree. Reckon we could make one of those...”

”Good idea,” said Dove, slightly annoyed that he hadn’t thought of it himself.

”Thank you,” Cardin replied pointedly. “I’m glad you like my idea. Now, that sugar isn’t going to weigh itself, is it?”

Fortunately, the other three teams each had very different plans. Team CVFY were (of course) making a variety of coffee-themed biscuits; previous victors Team SQJJ had decided upon oatmeal shortbread leaves, cinnamon snowflakes, lemon-flavoured daffodils and a range of pastel-coloured summer flowers. Even more unique, however, was Team PEPR’s attempt to be ‘witty’.

”The flavours are the four seasons,” team leader Pepper Bell explained to the three bemused judges. “Salt, pepper, basil and chilli flakes.”

Oobleck looked hard at the red-haired boy, as if he couldn't decide whether he was joking or not. Goodwitch narrowed her eyes, clearly unconvinced. But Port, oblivious to the reactions of his fellow judges, raised his eyebrows (and his moustache) in amusement. “Oho! Thinking outside the box, hmm? How original.” He glanced around shiftily at the other teams and added in a very audible whisper, “Not like these cherry-tree-making, can’t-think-for-themselves copycats, eh?” 

Pyrrha blushed and whispered, “Sorry,” again. Nobody paid her any attention.

And so all six teams persevered with their plans, mixing ingredients, preheating ovens, adding flavourings. The enormous digital stopclock on the wall ticked down at an alarming rate. Above it, the minute hand of its analogue counterpart rose up, reached the twelve, and continued on its journey - but still none of the teams had actually started baking their shortbread.

"This is not encouraging," Goodwitch muttered to Ozpin, watching as Yang and Ruby attempted to toss biscuit dough into each other's mouths. "Not one of these students has so much as opened their ovens. And look at Team CFVY! That must be the second batch of dough they've thrown out!"

Ozpin looked at her mildly. "Give them time," he said quietly. "Their talents are greater than you think."

"But time is exactly what they don't have," she pointed out. "Even if they do bake their biscuits on time and they do manage to ice them, they still have to hang them on the 'tree'. The icing will just melt off if they don't have time to cool."

"Give them time," Ozpin repeated, smiling slightly. Goodwitch turned away. That man could be infuriatingly persistent sometimes, but he was usually right in the end.

Twenty minutes later, everybody’s biscuits were (finally!) baked and ready to be iced. Powdery white plumes of icing sugar filled the air, so that the students found themselves breathing in clouds of  sweetness, like sugared snow. Most of the teams were surprisingly relaxed at this point. Only Jaune, frantically rifling through cupboards and clattering through drawers, seemed particularly stressed.

 “Where is it - wait, is this... aaagh, no, that’s not it...” He began searching through the draining-board. “Not under here... Where did I put it?”

”It will turn up in the end,” Ren asserted. “Uh, what are you looking for again?”

”This!” said Jaune triumphantly, holding up a metal piping nozzle. It had a very fine slanted tip - so fine that it was almost sharp to the touch. From Team RWBY’s workbench, Blake looked over, curious.

“What’s that for, Jaune?”

Jaune gestured to his bowl of white icing, which was to be coloured crimson for the leaves and cherries. “Blood icing!”

”Blood icing?” said Yang, slightly concerned, but mostly just intrigued. “That seems a bit extreme, even for you. Are you worried your biscuits aren’t unique enough or something?”

”Oh - no!” Pyrrha interjected quickly. “He said flood icing. It’s just a decoration technique. No blood involved!” 

“Aww,” replied Yang, pretending to be disappointed. “That would’ve been really cool...”

Meanwhile, Team SQJJ were having a slight issue with their icing. Initially it had been too thick, so Phyllida Sage had added more water. Then it had become too runny again, so Q had added more icing sugar. Then it had become too thick again... and so on and so forth, until there was too much icing for the bowl to contain, and the slightest stir caused it to overflow. (Stella Jaffarine insisted she was ‘helping’ by wiping up and eating all of the drips.)

”Why couldn’t we have Chiara for biscuit week?” asked Q. “She’s probably better at baking.” Better than whom she didn’t say.

“Not really,” Phyllida pointed out. “Remember the first time she tried to use the microwave, and turned her cake mix into scrambled egg?”

”Also, it wouldn’t be fair to ask her when she’s got such a bad cold,” replied Stella, wiping icing from her mouth. “I thought you knew about that.”

”I was being sarcastic. Well, not really sarcastic, but... yeah, sure.” Q ducked into the cupboard. “Let’s get another bowl.”

Before long, everyone had iced their biscuits - to varying degrees of success. Whilst Team CFVY had managed to elegantly pipe their biscuit coffee-cups and mugs with a smooth layer of icing, Team PEPR’s biscuits looked as though a crayon had been melted over them, and CRDL had made equally little effort.

Ruby, Blake and Yang had achieved a “pretty decent” batch of biscuits, as Yang put it. (The icing had almost dribbled off of the edges, but Blake had managed to rescue it by nudging it back onto the biscuit with the tip of a knife.) Now the only remaining task was to hang them on the tree.

On went the cherry-blossoms, delicately iced by Blake. On went the cherries with their bright red icing. On went the dark crimson leaves, which Ruby had spent so long in trying to get the colour right. And finally, the snowflakes -

“Oops,” said Ruby, looking down at the shattered snowflake biscuits on the floor. “Maybe I didn’t tie the ribbons on properly...” And indeed, the ribbons had all either come untied, or hung on such a fragile part of the biscuit that it had broken off.

Blake glanced at the clock in a panic. “We don’t have time to make another batch. And we don’t have time to mend the broken ones. And we need to have exactly twenty-four biscuits... we just can’t finish this! And if we don’t finish on time -“

”Hey, hey, don’t panic,” Yang soothed, putting her hand on Blake’s shoulder. Blake flinched, but didn’t protest. “You’re always the one who knows it’s not worth worrying over trivial things, right? And a few broken biscuits are kind of trivial compared to fighting Grimm and battling criminals.” 

Blake gave a small smile. “That’s true.”

So when the judges came inspect the Team RWBY’s biscuits, they were proudly presented with - “Eighteen biscuits,” said Doctor Oobleck disapprovingly. “I believe you were required to make six biscuits for each season, were you not?”

”Well, cherry trees are bare in winter,” Yang replied with a cheerful shrug. “That’s what the bare part of the tree represents.”

Professor Goodwitch clearly didn’t accept this excuse. “Both Team JNPR and Team CRDL have managed to produce a cherry tree with twenty-four biscuits as required,” she pointed out. “Even if your decoration is somewhat more... refined,” (here she glanced at CRDL’s shoddy icing) “you have immediately put yourselves in a dangerous position by copying the other teams, and then failing to produce the same quantity.”

”They copied us,” muttered Ruby.

Still, the judges had to admit that the flavour of Team RWBY’s biscuits was fairly appetising compared to some of the others. PEPR’s “salt, pepper, basil and chilli flakes” might have worked in a savoury biscuit, but in an iced shortbread, it was disgusting. Team SQJJ’s biscuits would have been delicious had they not used a tongue-burning amount of baking powder, and the strength of the coffee in Coco Adel’s “espresso frappé” was enough to make both Port and Goodwitch gag. (Oobleck, on the other hand, declared all of Team CFVY’s biscuits “superlative” and actually asked for the recipe). But it was agreed by all that Jaune, Pyrrha and Ren had produced the best batch of biscuits by far.

”Well done, guys!” Yang congratulated them, attempting to give Pyrrha and a slightly bemused Lie Ren a fist-bump. “Hey, Jaune - did you save me any blood biscuits?”

”We told you they’re not bloo...” Jaune began, frustrated.

Yang ducked the wooden spoon he was waving at her. “Just kidding.”

Chapter Text

“They’re. Not. Biscuits!”

”They are biscuits. They are the very definition of a biscuit. They are the most biscuitty biscuits that ever... uh, biscuited.”

”You think crackers are a biscuit?”

”Crackers are the things that explode when you pull them! These are biscuits!”

”Salty cardboard is not a biscuit.”

”My dad calls them biscuits.”

”No offence, but your dad is daft. They’re crackers.”

The argument had arisen because - for the Technical Challenge of Biscuit Week - the teams had been commanded to make a chessboard out of thirty-two “water biscuits” and thirty-two “rye crackers”, as well as 3D-slotting chess pieces. Yang and Ruby insisted that both were actually biscuits, whilst Team SQJJ claimed that they were both crackers; Team PEPR had joined in the argument, but kept switching sides partway through, as if to add to the confusion. (Sensibly, Blake had declared the argument pointless, and decided to focus on the recipe).

”Why don’t we just call them... dough tiles, or something?” suggested Q, twitching her rabbit tail irritably.

”No! This isn’t dough tile week! It’s biscuit week! Biscuit!”

Meanwhile, on team JNPR’s workbench, Jaune had been left in charge of cutting out the chess pieces whilst Pyrrha and Ren made the chessboard. Ren’s drawings had looked simple enough to follow, but Jaune’s efforts to copy them left a lot to be desired... and to make matters worse, he was singing.

”I can’t make a king, so I’d rather just sing,

My rye cracker queen’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen,

I can’t make a pawn, ‘cos it looks like a prawn,

I can’t make a rook ‘cos I’m a terrible cook,

I can’t make a knight, it looks absolutely -“

”Hey, nice song, Jaunnie-boy,” called Cardin from the other side of the room. “Shame Weiss isn’t around to here it. She’d probably strangle herself.”

”Or strangle him,” Sky muttered, covering his ears. His teammates snickered as Jaune flushed a deep scarlet - but if they had been hoping to taunt him further, they were disappointed. Jaune held his nerve and turned his back. 

Ren, noticing his teammate’s discomfort, went to pat him on the shoulder (then remembered that his hand was covered in biscuit dough). “Hey,” he said reassuringly, “at least you didn’t have to think of a rhyme for ‘bishop’.”

Jaune smiled weakly. “Yeah, at least I - wait, do you guys smell burning?”

Indeed, a distinct smell of charcoal was emanating from the oven. But it wasn’t JNPR’s oven. It was CFVY’s.

”Velvet,” Coco reprimanded, inspecting a darkened pawn with distaste, “I thought I told you to watch the oven.”

Velvet’s ears drooped apologetically. “Sorry. I was helping Fox wash up.”

”We have some dough left. Enough for a new batch?” said Fox, lifting his soapy hands out of the water. “If it’s just the chequerboard squares- “

”The squares are fine. It’s the white pieces that are burnt.” Coco pursed her lips. “And I spent so long cutting those to shape.”

”Sorry,” Velvet apologised again. “I can make some more if you want.”

”No, I’ll do that. You can start slotting the rye pieces together, they should be cool by now.”

By this point, most of the other teams had already begun to assemble their chess pieces - some with more success than others. Team PEPR had discovered that, having expanded in the oven, their crackers no longer slotted together; teams JNPR and SQJJ both had a couple of breakages. But Ruby, Blake and Yang had managed to put together quite a neat little chess set. Neat, that is, until -

“What’s this supposed to be?” scoffed Cardin, picking up one of Team RWBY’s bishops. “Oh, I see.” The hand gesture that accompanied this was obscenely suggestive. Behind him, Sky and Dove snickered loudly.

”Give that back, Cardin.” Yang’s eyes flared for a second. “You’re being pathetic.”

”Pathetic? Says the girl getting angry because I took her biscuit.” He waved the bishop tauntingly. “Aww, does baby wanna bickie? Little diddums want her bickie?”

”Cardin.” Yang’s fists were clenched. “Give. It. Back.”

”Fine, fine. Here you g... whoops.” And the bishop was a bishop no longer. Half was still in Cardin’s hand; the other half lay shattered on the floor. Yang stared at it for a moment, then glared up at Cardin in fury. The urge to smash his face in was clearly a struggle to resist. Still, although the judges had left the room, Ozpin was hovering in the corner like a watchful owl. So Yang contented herself with a dangerous snarl at Cardin before turning back to her teammates.

”What are we gonna do?” Ruby panicked. “There’s no time to -“ But even as she said this, Ozpin announced that their time was up. And the three judges were already returning to the room.

Strangely enough, when Goodwitch, Oobleck and Port came to judge Team CRDL’s chess set, they found that one of the rye-cracker bishops was broken - which it certainly hadn’t been when Dove had placed it on the chessboard. Even stranger was the fact that Team RWBY’s shattered bishops seemed to have miraculously mended itself. So it was an infuriated and slightly bewildered Team CRDL who was awarded last place. “That’s not fair! They must have taken one of our biscuits!” 

Ozpin shook his head. “I have kept a close eye on all six teams since the challenge ended, Mr. Winchester. I can safely say that Team RWBY have touched no biscuits - or crackers - but their own.” This with a sly smile at the three girls, who wondered if perhaps his watchfulness wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

So it was a triumphant and ever-so-slightly smug Team RWBY that claimed first place in the Technical Challenge, with PEPR, SQJJ, JNPR and CFVY in second, third, fourth and fifth respectively. “Excellent work, students,” Ozpin remarked. “But who can say what tomorrow will bring?”

Well, Ozpin could, of course - after all, he was the one who set the challenges. But, as usual, the Headmaster was giving nothing away.