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Dimanche 8:37
Sundays used to mean nothing to Lucas. Before, Sunday usually meant sleeping till three, hangovers from the night before with the boys,catching up on last week's homework then getting ready to face a week of fake smiles and lies.
Yeah not the most exciting day.
Since being with Eliott however, Sunday’s have proven to become his favorite day of the week.
Now Sunday’s meant waking up wrapped up in eachothers arms pretending to still be asleep not wanting to break the warm bubble they’ve created under their comforter. Sleepily drinking coffee on the couch while watching a weird documentary Eliott’s really getting into, rolling around in bed in the middle of the day when casual soft kisses turned into something more. Cleaning around the house together, each working separately but still enjoying each other’s company. There was no pressure, no plan just being.
He really enjoyed Sunday’s.
The bright early morning sun filtered through their curtainless windows, prematurely waking Lucas up. Curtains were definitely on their list of things to get for the apartment if he ever wanted to sleep in again. He turned pulling the blanket tighter over this shoulder, hoping to keep the cold late autumn air from seeping through their window and into his bones. He reached over and payed the other side of the bed, looking for his boyfriend seeking warmth, only to find the other side of the bed cold and empty.
Frowning he leans up blinking trying to adjust to the world, wiping the sleep from his eye. He stretches his tired shoulders, aching from sleeping curled up in the same position for too long. The stretch pops his neck one too many times. How someone in their 20’s could pop and ache this much he'll never know
He turns finally, planting his feet on the cold ground, hissing at the abrupt change in temperature from the warm cocoon of his bed to the cold wood floor. He gathers the strength to face the chilly air in his apartment and rooting through one of the boxes labeled “bottoms” with a winking face doodles on the side...-this is why Eliott wasn’t in charge of labeling the boxes… he stands, pulling on the first pair of sweatpants he can find, Eliott’s black hoodie, and some socks for good measure.
Giving one more stretch to wake his still sleepy body he shuffles out the bedroom door. He nearly trips on the piles of boxes they left in the stacked in the hallway last night in front of the radiator...
They really need to finish unpacking today.
Turning the hall corner her hears the unmistakable sound of breakfast being cooked. He is stomach lurches nervously at the prospect of Eliott’s cooking, they have been watching a lot of food network together so he has hopefully he has improved since the dreaded PONI incident, but still he is suspicious.
“Morning” he sleepily greets his boyfriend in the kitchen. He runs his hand over the tall boys back, walking over to their coffee pot and pouring himself a cup. He closes his eyes and takes a sip of the warm bitter drink, willing it to clear his groggy mind.
Eliott turns to him, a bright smile gracing his face and Lucas instantly feels his body warm at the sight.
“Hey! You’re up! Good I’m almost done...well kinda, almost done.” Eliott says excitedly, seemingly pleased with the breakfast feast he has prepared them. Lucas is always in awe of how much energy he has in the morning.
“And what will I be possibly getting food poisoning from on this lovely morning?” Lucas teases fondly a smirk of his face sliding into one of the bar stools under their counter.
Eliott turns smirking and sticking his tongue out like a child. Lucas can't help but giggle at the silly look. Sighing he looks adoringly at the man, looking like a vision in his grey sweatpants and red pullover he looks soft and warm, his hair an even bigger nest than usual, eyes squinting at the sun shining through their kitchen window.
He looks perfect.
“Okay I know I have made my mistakes in the kitchen past once or twice…”
“Once or twice?…”-
“Okay almost every time, but! I’m actually really proud of this! Plus it gave me a good excuse to unpack some of the kitchen boxes, even though we only have like three. We should really get some more kitchen stuff, we hardly have anything. I honestly don’t know how we’ve been cooking the past few years.” Eliott chuckles mostly to himself as he’s focused on his task at hand of making sure the bacon doesn’t burn to a crip.
“We owe most of our kitchen survival to manon, you remember how she would wake up at the crack of dawn and make enough baked goods to feed the entire building! Did I you really think most of the kitchen shit was Mika’s?” Lucas says raising his eyebrow.
“Yeah that does make a lot of sense” Eliott chuckles in response. The both fall into a comfortable silence. Lucas sits trying not to look like he’s supervising Eliott and sips his coffee, looking around the other boy every once in a while. The apartment is starting to warm up from the sun filtering through the windows and the smell of bacon a something sweet fills the air around them.
“Sooo what are you making exactly?” Lucas eyes curiously. Eliott turns and looks at him with a mocked annoyed and a knowing smirk that Lucas doesn’t trust him in the kitchen.
“I’m not hovering I’m just curious!” Lucas holds his hands up in surrender.
“Mmhm” Eliott smirks at Lucas.
“I promise, I’m just curious is all.” He puts on a sweet smile coaxing his boyfriend into revealing what monstrosity he could potentially be ruining their new apartment with.
Eliott sigh’s feigning annoyance “Well, if you must know” Eliott rolls his eyes dramatically poking fun at Lucas. Lucas just giggles
“It’s a recipe I found online, it’s french toast casserole. It’s like basic French toast but ya know in a casserole dish… with, bacon on top…” Eliott stutters to a stop trying to gage Lucas reaction. He smiles at his adorable boyfriend.
“That actually sounds great! I can’t wait to try some.”
“Well yeah me too…but” Eliott looks down at the knife cutting the balcon into strips.
“I got so excited I, started making it before I read the directions and I didn’t see it takes...an hour and a half to bake…” Eliott finishes quietly, a little embarrassed.
Lucas just laughs lightly. His heart swells a little at how nervous Eliott was at the prospect of ruining their breakfast.
“Haha well that’s okay! When it’s done we can just have brunch instead of breakfast no worries.” Lucas sends a smile to her nervous boyfriend.
Eliot looks at Lucas breathing a sigh of relief he hadn’t realized he wasn’t holding.
Lucas stands and walks over to him, wrapping his arms around his boyfriends waist from behind placing a firm kiss at the base of his neck.
He sighs warmly and contently
“ You’re adorable, I like you.” Lucas whispered fondly to his goof of a boyfriend. Eliott leans back into Lucas noticeably relaxing into Lucas touch. He has seemed very tense lately with university getting tough on him the end of his first year, plus the stress of moving in together and Lucas could tell he hasn’t been sleeping as well lately. He tried to not make a big deal of it if Eliott wasn’t making a big deal but he couldn’t help his concern. He loves this boy so much, when he’s in any amount of discomfort he can't help but want to try and fix it. Eliott turned around in Lucas arms facing him, wrapping his long arms around the shorter boys neck leaning down for a sweet kiss.
“I like you too, I think i'll keep you.”Eliott whisperers against Lucas list resting their foreheads against one another just being together in this moment.
“Oh like it was even an option of getting rid of me.” Lucas jokes making the taller boy chuckle, rubbing their noses together.
“I'll tell you what.” Lucas broke away pushing his forehead against the taller boys making Eliott look at him.
“You finish that, and while it’s cooking we can tackle some of these boxes. The living room looks like a storage unit and I can’t find the rest of my clothes. So unless you want us to walk around naked we should get going.”
Eliott wiggled his eyebrows suggestively
“I mean I don’t know... that box might just be lost in the move. I’m thinking we’re gonna have to just be naked forever.” Eliott giggled kissing the annoyed from off of Lucas face turning around and finishing up his breakfast special before putting it in the oven and following Lucas into the living room.
And hour and 15 minutes later.
They have gotten through the majority of boxes in the living room. They haven’t all been unpacked yet but the ones remaining have been sorted into the corresponding rooms. Bedroom boxes were in the bedroom, bathroom box in the bathroom, so on and so forth which Lucas counted as a win, then there were the random assortment of miscellaneous stuff that had to be gone through one by one. Lucas was sitting criss crossed on the ground in front of a box labeled “shit from Lucas side tables”
He really regrets not going through this stuff before he packed it but... here we are.
Eliott has been deep in concentration unpacking all of their records and movies onto the bookshelf by the fireplace. Their apartment had built-ins which Eliott had been ecstatic about! His old bookshelf has been falling apart from the weight of his record collection so these sturdy built in shelves were just what they needed.
“Aha! I found it!” Eliott exclaimed suddenly making Lucas jump from the sudden interruption of silence, dropping the bag of seashells from his trips to the beach with his mom he kept safe in his side table.
He turned to see what was so exciting that Eliott was reacting like he found the holy grail
Silently he stood up from his kneeled position in front of his boxes and stood in front of the record player pushing his messy hair out of his face, laying the record down and turning it on. The comforting familiar scratch of the pen moving across the record the the only sound they hear while Lucas sits there confused staring at Eliott who is holding his finger up to silence the lack of words coming from Lucas. They wait a minute then he hears the soft music playing.
Eliot turns to Lucas a grin taking up his entire face. He walks over to Lucas extending his hand.
“Come on” he says quietly, grinning from ear to ear.
Lucas looks at him suspiciously. Eliot rolls his eye holding his hand out lower.
“Come here!” He chuckles. Lucas chuckles curiously, but takes Eliott’s hand none the less. Eliott pulls Lucas to a standing position and slowly pulls him so they are chest to chest.
One had still holding the others he readjusts to a more comfortable position, his other hand sliding around Lucas waist.
Lucas puts his hand on Eliott's Chest giggling at Eliott’s romantic gesture, tightening his grip in his other had and begins to sway to the music with Eliott. It starts slow, the melody low and calm. Lucas rests his head on Eliott’s chest while the sway slightly from foot to foot. Not so much focused on dancing as much as just being close together in this moment. The low scratch of the record spinning, the quiet music playing and each others breathing the only thing they can hear. The world stops spinning for a moment, time freezes and they revel in their moment of just them together hand in hand, chest to chest in love.
The music starts to build and speed up getting jazzier by the second. Eliott starts swaying them harder grinning down at the smaller boy until they are basically turning in circles. He pushes Lucas away still clapping his hands then brings the back together again and again, he releases one of Lucas hands and spins the boy out then pulls him back in and twirls him under his arm before wrapping his arms around Lucas back and giving him a hard kiss on the cheek.
Lucas Laughs loudly at the sudden movement. Eliott dying to hear that sound again, his favorite sound, grabs the boy back into his arms and twirls him again and again. The two boys laughing and sliding around on the wood floors in their socks almost slipping and falling into each other with tears in their eyes from laughter the entire time. Laughing at their horrible dancing and the bad songs playing one after another, at Eliott’s goofy expressions trying to impersonate a serious dancer or what he assumes serious dancers look like when they dance. In one final hurrah Eliott takes Lucas back into his arms and spins them both around a few time while the song comes to an end.
At the last moment he braces Lucas back and dips the younger boy back into the ground. Lucas shrieks at the unexpected motion but tips his head back closing his eyes smile a mile wide just enjoying this moment with Eliott. Lucas leans back up and looks up at the older boy. A look of pure love and adoration on his face which I’m sure matches Lucas’s exactly. Lucas leans up slowly and winds his arms around Eliott’s neck and braces his forehead against the taller boys. Both taking a minute to catch their breath. They rub their noses together fondly breathing each other in, soaking in the good moments.
They went through so much to get to where they are. The rocky start to their relationship had been such a scary time for them both. The constant miscommunication and the terrifying fear of what may come if these two slightly broken, hurt boys lean on each other. The worry from outsiders that they are moving too fast, falling too hard. They had both been hurt before and hurt each other more than once. They both knew it was unintentional and it inevitably led them to the amazing place they were in today, side by side, but all that heartache had left them feeling raw and uneasy at the real start of their relationship.
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In the beginning of their relationship, anytime Lucas would wake up to an empty bed, a rock would instantly sink into his stomach. He knew it was irrational, that nothing was wrong but still he would lay there unmoving, silently waiting to hear the sound of Eliott’s laugh or his footsteps in the hall or the sound of him cooking some monstrosity in the kitchen, signaling that he had not left him.
That they were okay, they were in love. That Lucas wasn’t alone again.
All he could hear was a silence in his apartment, his stomach would fill with dread, anxiety rushing through his veins like ice thinking Eliott had left him again.
He would almost instantly spiral into his internal monologue, repeating his past mistakes over and over in his head, torturing himself. Rationalizing why everyone in his life would eventually leave him, why he isn’t deserving of love and happiness and stability. Telling himself he needs to stop expecting anything else from people. That people leave, that’s all they would ever do. Lucas wasn’t enough and he never would be, so people left. He sat this panting, tears streaming down his face as he wrapped his arms around his trembling body.
Eliott would emerge from the bathroom on those mornings to find a silently crying Lucas. His head in his knees, arms wrapped around himself, tears pouring out of his sad blue eyes. Eliott would rush over, bundle the sad boy in his arms gently rocking him reassuring him.
“Im here”
“I’m not going to leave, I promise”
“You’re not alone anymore”
“I’m here with you”
He would sit there with Lucas in his arms as long as he needed. Kissing his forehead and whispering loving words in his ear. Never rushing the boy to calm down or to come to his senses. Just holding him tightly, stroking his back while sobs wracked the small boys body and until his anxiety lessens and he calms down. Eliott knows all of the horrible things Lucas has gone through in his short life and knows the extent of his fear of abandonment. So he sits there, comforting him. Never judging Lucas or dismissing his worries, just reassuring him that Eliott wasn’t going anywhere as long as Lucas wanted him.
Then there were days when Eliott felt he was surely, slowly, being crushed. His world condensed into the ball he curls himself into. The blue of his comforter all he can recognize as the sky, the bed beneath him his only solid ground. The idea of a world bigger than this far too much to handle in his fragile state.
He’s stays in his little world for hours, maybe even days. Who can tell anymore. All semblance of life and time and responsibilities a distant worry while he focuses all his energy on trying not to completely fall apart.
He and lucas were supposed to see each other today but of course his mind had other ideas. So here he was, trying his best to stay in one piece- his head constantly turning over and over, never quieting never stopping, his body shaking, his skin covered in sweat even though he feels like he’s submerged in a frozen lake falling deeper and deeper into the icy water.
He texted Lucas telling him he wasn’t feeling well and planning to reschedule. He knew Lucas would worry regardless but he couldn’t stand his boyfriend to see him like this. Weak and gross and thoroughly broken, desperately trying to put himself back together. He was always afraid if he relied on people to keep putting him back together, one day no one would and Eliott would be left there, broken into a million pieces forever. No hope of ever being whole again.
He lays there, quietly sobbing and feeling utterly alone worthless and alone. He thinks he hears a soft knock on his door that attracts his focus but his mind keeps him in his fog of self hatred and doubt. He feels his bed dip under someone's weight, his comforter is lifted up and for a moment he could see outside his bubble. It was daylight out. He can’t remember the last time he saw the sun, trapped under his blanket for so long, it was almost too much to handle. He squints at the light and sees Lucas’ gentle smile and loving eyes, he slides underneath the blanket without hesitation, reaching out and brushes his hair away from Eliotts sweaty forehead.
“Hi baby.” Lucas whisperers kissing Eliott’s forehead, cupping his cheek with his warm firm hand.
“I missed you.” He gently wipes one of Eliotts tears away from his cheek with the pad of his thumb. Eliott breaks into violent sobs are the small comforting gesture and tucks his head even further into the smaller boys chest. Lucas just hugs him and shushes him. Whispering reassuring words and placing gentle kisses on his tear stained cheeks until Eliott feels safe and loved again.
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As time went by the two fell into a place of peace with each other. No longer doubting the extent of each other’s love or fearing the other would leave them anytime they would argue. They were soulmates, in every sense of the word. Never feeling safer or move loved and at peace then when they’re were standing together toe to toe foreheads resting against one another, arms wrapped around each other.
This was home
Eliott looked down at the shorter boy a relaxed, a love drunk smile plastered on his face, the music still playing softly in the background. They are back to their soft swaying to the quiet melody. Soaking each other in. The soft morning lighting filtering into the room in beams making everything look softer. The dusts dances around the room in swirls sparkling, the blue worn paint on their walls looking fresh and new, the unpacked boxes scattered around reminding Eliott of what there doing, of what they have achieved together.
Eliott cups his hands on either side of Lucas face gently stroking his cheek fondly.
Lucas blinks slowly a sleepy content grin stretching across his face, leaning into Eliott’s comforting touch.
“I love you” Eliott says, almost a whisper but there is no mistake Lucas hears it clear as a bell.
Lucas blinks and smiles up at his tall goody boyfriend, wrapping his around Eliott’s firm waist even tighter, holding him closer. He stand on his tiptoes inching closer to Eliott's lips. Just inches apart he whispers.
“I lov-“
They both turn sharply at the loud alarm blaring from the kitchen smoke seeping out of the oven.
“Putain!!” Eliott races over to the over turning it off and grabbing some oven mitts from a box on the table. He reaches into the oven retrieving the now completely burnt French toast casserole and sets it on the counter ,staring disappointedly.
Lucas chuckles at his boyfriends pouty face and walks over to him, grabbing a magazine from the coffee table on the way.
“It’s okay,” Lucas says stretching up to kiss his boyfriend's cheek, walking over to the sounding smoke detector fanning it with the magazine.
“We can try to make it again next Sunday” Lucas says smiling.
Eliott turns away from his disaster of a breakfast and smiles.Lucas looks so soft and warm in his sweatshirt and sweatpants, hair messy from Eliott running his fingers through it while they were dancing, smiling at Eliott. He looks perfect.
He smiles at Lucas, the two of them here together, in their kitchen, in their apartment, living their lives together and they couldn’t be happier, burnt breakfast and all. Eliott sighs and walks over to the trash can and dumps the burnt remains of the French toast into the garbage.
“Okay next Sunday it is then.”