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There was something wrong with Rin, and no one seemed to want to open that discussion. After all of this time, when everyone strove to be understanding of their friend and had managed to bridge that gap in order to regain the bond they’d lost, everyone still refused to acknowledge the blatant fact that something was wrong with him. Suguro even blamed himself as he looked across the room and caught a glimpse of a strange motion: Rin pressed his fingers to his chest and frowned.
It’s almost like he’s in pain, but that doesn’t make sense, he thought.
Rin healed so fast that Suguro doubted something as trivial as a chest pain would bother him. Perhaps that’s why the action stood out so vividly in his mind. It was an action he’d noticed happening for a while. Whenever Rin thought no one was watching, he made an awful face and pressed his fingers into his chest. The others either didn’t notice or didn’t want to say anything. If he was hurting in the chest area, it was likely that he wasn’t sick, but was suffering from a form of anxiety.
Either way, it looked like it was up to Suguro, once again, to take the initiative and check up on Rin. The others clearly wouldn’t do it, probably falling for that smile of his that insisted everything was okay. Yukio’s ignorance of the issue probably extended beyond a belief in Rin’s smile, but Suguro didn’t want to delve any further into the brothers’ conflict than he deemed necessary. He’d just drop by the dorm and check on Rin. That was all.
He decided to visit him after class, when he knew Rin would likely be in his room pretending to be studying but actually reading a joke manga or something to that effect. He lifted his hand and knocked on the door. When there wasn’t an answer, he knocked a second time.
“I know you’re in there, I saw you head this way, Okumura!” he said.
No answer.
Frowning, he pulled the door open and looked around inside. The lights were on and a fan was going. Suguro was certain he could also hear the sound of water running when he listened hard enough. He turned around and glared down the hallway. Rin wasn’t in the bedroom itself. He was down in the bathroom area. Suguro marched down to the source of the running water. Turning into the bathroom, he stopped in his tracks.
Rin stood at the sink, cleaning his face off, but otherwise, he hadn’t done a good job of cleaning up the rest of the room. A suspicious trail of blood and flower petals led off of the counter beside him to a toilet stall. Suguro took a step forward. Rin straightened up and whirled around.
“Bon?!”
“Okumura, are you alright?” he asked.
He’d missed a bit of blood on his face, but he smiled over to his friend without missing a beat. His tail flicked back and forth, just like it did when he was genuinely happy about something.
“Oh, yeah, I’m fine!” he said. “I noticed Yukio didn’t restock our supply of popsicles, so I’m thinking of going to get some of those! Wanna come?”
Suguro shook his head in irritation.
“Don’t just blatantly lie to me, Okumura!” he said. “You suck at cleaning up after yourself, for one. I’m not an idiot, there’s blood and petals all over the floor. Are you going to tell me this is completely unrelated to you?”
Rin pursed his lips for a moment, making a ridiculous face as his eyes darted around. He seemed to be looking for a viable excuse.
“It was Shima.”
“Right, like I’m going to believe that,” Suguro said. “Why would Shima be in here? You and Okumura-sensei live in here alone. Shima wouldn’t be snooping around here unless your brother was here. You don’t have any Order secrets that are worthwhile to him.”
The son of Satan almost seemed offended by the statement. He marched over to Suguro and got in his face.
“Shima’s my friend, maybe he was just visiting!”
Suguro’s only choice was to yell back.
“Visiting to cough up blood and flowers all over the floor? Likely story!”
“WELL IT WASN’T ME!” Rin protested.
“PROVE IT!”
Whatever words Rin was going to throw back caught in his throat. He doubled over and started coughing so fiercely Suguro knew it had to hurt. He was doing his best to hide his mouth, but his efforts were in vain. There was no hiding the bloodied flower petals being expelled from his lungs. Rin finally stopped coughing and pulled his hand away from his mouth, grimacing. A whole flower sat in his palm.
“I guess it is me…” he muttered.
While he felt he should be feeling sorry for his friend, Suguro simultaneously wanted to whack him for such a nonchalant comment. As if after that the blood and petals couldn’t be traced back to him. His admission wasn’t even that; he simply stated it as if Suguro might guess the situation with enough evidence—even though the evidence was in his palm. Groaning, Suguro shook his head.
“How long has this been going on?” he asked.
Rin frowned, refusing to make eye contact with Suguro.
“Oh, I dunno, it started hurting right around the time I met Shiemi,” he said. “The flower thing started a month or so ago.”
“What do you mean ‘the flower thing,’ Okumura, why didn’t you tell anyone?” he asked. “We can get you help with this. Sheesh. There’s ways to fix this, we can get you a doctor.”
Suddenly those usually bright eyes seemed dark. Maybe he didn’t like the idea of seeing a doctor since he was half-demon. The idiot probably thought that he couldn’t go to a doctor because of that.
“A doctor won’t be able to see your demonic traits,” he insisted. “If we act fast enough, we can fix this like it never happened.”
Maybe that was too insensitive, considering what was going on. This condition only occurred from feelings of love. Jumping on the chance to remove those feelings might seem selfish coming from an outsider, but what other choice did he have? Rin slowly brushed past Suguro to exit the bathroom.
“There’s nothing to fix.”
His voice was serious. Just as he’d suspected, he’d jumped the gun by suggesting a treatment. Rin wasn’t the type of person who’d willingly give up his feelings for someone. He cherished all of his relationships with people, even to a point that when they’d all turned their back on him, he’d worked hard to regain the trust of his peers.
Beyond being there as a support figure for his friend, Suguro didn’t know what else to do. It was obvious who the object of his affection was—anyone with eyes could see he had a thing for Shiemi. But there was nothing he could do about the other party. She was still innocent and quite unaware of the world. Besides, hadn’t she rejected him when he’d last given it a shot?
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to say something so careless.”
Rin stopped in his tracks and turned around to him, flashing him yet another bright, careless smile. Pain tugged at his heart. Despite everything, that boy just wouldn’t stop smiling. Why did he smile so brightly? He’d smiled just like this back in Kyoto when they’d restored their friendship and trust with each other.
“You’re just worried about me!” Rin said.
His voice betrayed a teasing tone. The darkness he’d briefly caught a glimpse of in Rin’s eyes was all but gone now. He did an excellent job of hiding his pain, which was something Suguro both envied and worried for.
“Let’s get some dinner! I’m starving!” Rin said.
Suguro frowned as he watched his friend hurry ahead to the kitchen.
Not a care in the world.
~~
The pain, he thought, was the most agonizing pain in the world, but not because of the sharpness in his chest. It hurt like this because of why the physical pain had manifested in the first place. Pain was a part of life—dealing with demons and fighting with them brought about all sorts of types of pains in various places. And with his enhanced healing powers, that didn’t last all that long. Rin was used to pain.
Heartache, however, just wasn’t fair.
Suguro knew now. He hadn’t been able to hide it. He’d made sure no one would see this, but Suguro discovered it anyways and was so quick to suggest a fix. He’d stopped himself, though. Likely, he’d recalled the rejection Rin received from Shiemi. She liked him…but not enough to be his girlfriend. And clearly not enough to stop this condition. He could see how seeing a doctor to surgically remove the flowers might help, both physically and mentally, but wouldn’t that also mean he’d lose those feelings for Shiemi alongside the heartache?
How could he lose those feelings? The most comforting thing, throughout all of his pain, related to the condition or not, was that warm feeling in his chest whenever he thought about her. The thought of Shiemi soothed that pain that never went away, making him forget about the struggles of the day to day world. The world wanted him dead, anyways. Why not die because of that feeling of love? It seemed more pleasant than dying at the hands of the Vatican.
Still, as he gazed down at the floor in front of him, he couldn’t help but feel scared. How much time did he have left? It was difficult to breathe. First, it had just been the pain. Then came the petals, paired with blood. Now, ever since that conversation with Suguro, it had been entire flowers. How could something so beautiful hurt so much? Perhaps that was the irony of it all.
He cradled the bloodstained blossoms in his hands, gazing down at them with a sad smile. Is this what love looked like? Flowers of emotion soaked with the blood of effort poured into those emotions? He was a simple person. Only now, as he stared at his own mortality, something he’d not given much thought to after discovering his paternity, did he try to think so deeply.
“Rin?”
The voice of the very person he loved with all of his heart caused him to jump. No, she couldn’t be here. Not now. He couldn’t let her see this. But there was nowhere to hide. He couldn’t clean this up fast enough. He heard Shiemi approach him from behind. He curled up even more, hoping to shadow the blood and flowers covering the floor in front of him.
“Shiemi, you shouldn’t be here,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“Rin, I have something to tell you!”
She sounded desperate. How could he be cold and turn her away? He didn’t want to. But Shiemi would feel pain if she saw him like this. He couldn’t let her come closer. He thrust out his hand, wanting her to stay back. This mistake was too grave, though. His hand had blood on it.
To his surprise, she didn’t react with a gasp. Had Suguro told her? That would be humiliating. She came and knelt down in front of him. She gazed down at the floor, her face twisting up like it did when he hid painful things from her. He’d done this. He’d gone and made her cry again.
“Surugo told me what was going on,” she said, choking up. “I didn’t realize you took it that way.”
He stared up at her, unable to comprehend.
“I just meant I wasn’t ready,” she said. “Not that I don’t love you, too.”
She thrust her arms around him. Heat flooded his cheeks, and the pain in his chest melted away.
“I do love you, Rin.”
This time, when he smiled, it was genuine.