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“Lan Sizhui, Lan Yuan, I—I like you, o-okay?!”
The confession escaped his lips as if it had a will of its own, flying out of his mouth undeterred by any restraints, and only after the words had presented themselves in the air hanging between them did Jin Ling realize what he had done.
Lan Sizhui proceeded to lose his usual composure, gray eyes widening while his mouth fell just slightly, and Jin Ling was nothing short of horrified. His face burned and he could feel the threat of tears stinging and clouding his vision. His throat hurt as if his words had scorched him on their way out.
“You know what, just forget it!” Immediately, he turned and ran, thankful that the dark would hide some of the scarlet in his cheeks.
Sizhui hadn’t expected to ever hear anything like that from Jin Ling. He’d acknowledged his own feelings quietly, realizing almost simultaneously that they would not be returned. It would trouble him if I were to confess, he’d thought. He’d been smitten since he’d met Jin Ling, but in the years that they’d known each other, Jin Ling had never shown that kind of interest in anyone. Sizhui had been more than willing to set his feelings aside to preserve the friendship that they had built.
“Jin-gongzi, please wait!” It only took Sizhui a few seconds to snap himself out of his shock and chase after Jin Ling. He would sort through his own emotions later. Right now, Jin Ling mattered more.
Jin Ling was fast, but Sizhui was faster still. The protective embroidery sewn onto Jin Ling’s robes in gold thread glittered in the moonlight, making him easy to spot even as he darted from tree to tree.
“Jin-gongzi!” Sizhui tried again as he caught up. “Please… please listen to what I have to say!”
“What?!” Jin Ling spun around so suddenly that Sizhui almost fell backwards. He scowled, “You don’t have to chase me down just to reject me, you know! I get it—”
“No,” Sizhui protested in a whisper, brow pinched together. “No, it’s not like that at all…”
Jin Ling stared at him. “What is it like, then?” His voice came out strained, not daring to hope.
“I’m not rejecting you in any sense of the word.”
Jin Ling let out a small gasp. The anger that he’d held onto as a shield crumbled at his feet. His heart beat so quickly that it was painful.
“The truth is,” Sizhui began slowly. “I’ve seen you in that kind of light for… some time now. But I… I never thought, I never expected for you to…” he trailed off. His cheeks were flushed now, too. Jin Ling was still looking at him expectantly, so he continued. “So… when I heard your words, I was really shocked. I didn’t know what to say. I apologize that my hesitation hurt your feelings.” He bowed then, and Jin Ling hurriedly motioned for him to rise.
“Do you know what you want to say, now?” Jin Ling asked. He swore that at any minute, his heart would burst through his rib cage, offering itself up to Lan Sizhui’s hands.
“Yes.” Sizhui straightened up, taking a step closer. He looked Jin Ling in the eyes as he spoke. “However you would like our relationship to change moving forward is fine with me. I will match your pace.” He smiled, so open and honest that it made Jin Ling ache.
Jin Ling took a step forward, too. “However I’d like?” he repeated.
Sizhui nodded, swallowing. “Yes.”
Standing next to Lan Sizhui, Sizhui was noticeably taller now. Jin Ling recalled that they’d once been the same height, and the thought made him pout a little. Still, as he looked up at Sizhui’s handsome features, he found that he couldn’t really complain. Jin Ling grabbed the collar of his robes and pulled him down into a kiss.
It was just a press of lips together, barely parted. And yet, Jin Ling felt that the world was spinning and his knees would give out from under him, sending him falling down to the ground. In response, Sizhui’s trembling fingers came up and settled at Jin Ling’s waist, holding him steady. Even when they broke apart a few moments later, they stayed standing close, eyes locked on one another in wonder. Jin Ling allowed himself to admire Sizhui, tracing the bow of his lips and the line of his jaw with feather-light touches, watching as the pink in his cheeks spread all the way up to his ears.
“How long?” Jin Ling broke the silence.
“After that night we met during your night hunt,” Sizhui murmured. “With the soul-consuming goddess statue. More so after Yi City.”
“That was three years ago!” The shock was evident in Jin Ling’s tone. Sizhui only gave a helpless shrug.
“You’ve always had my attention, since the very beginning.”
“Why… why didn’t you say anything?” Jin Ling answered his own question as soon as he asked it. Sizhui had heard all of the disparaging remarks he’d made about Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, back when he was younger and angrier and spat bitterness out like cherry pits. Jin Ling could only imagine how Sizhui had felt. No wonder he had stayed silent. Guilt swelled up in Jin Ling’s chest. “Oh. Oh. Listen, I’m—”
“Jin-gongzi,” Sizhui started to say something that was, no doubt, much more kind and considerate than Jin Ling thought he deserved at the moment. Jin Ling wanted to protest already, but the sound of Lan Jingyi’s voice calling from somewhere below startled them both.
“Sizhui? Lan Sizhui! Where did you go? Hanguang-jun is looking for you!”
In a flash, Sizhui pulled Jin Ling close and tucked him out of sight. Jin Ling tumbled against Sizhui’s chest, head buried in the crook of his neck. He froze, only able to focus on the warmth radiating from Sizhui’s skin. Comfortingly enough, it seemed that Sizhui’s heart was racing just as fast.
“Please tell him I’ll be back in a bit, Jingyi!” Sizhui called back. They listened for the sound of Jingyi’s receding footsteps before Sizhui released Jin Ling.
“Sorry about that.” Sizhui smiled apologetically. “Jin-gongzi doesn’t want anyone to know just yet, right?”
“It’s no one’s business but ours.” Jin Ling said on reflex, making a face. Although, a moment later, part of him wanted to refute what Sizhui said, let Sizhui know that Jin Ling wasn’t ashamed of him, had no intention of hiding how he felt. He just wanted to do it on his own terms.
Instead, what came out was, “Also… don’t… don’t call me that anymore.” He looked away. “I mean, we’re dating now, aren’t we…?” He paused, then reached for Sizhui’s hand. “Lan Yuan?”
Sizhui squeezed his fingers in return. “Yes.” His free hand came up to cup Jin Ling’s cheek. “Jin… Jin Ling, then.” His voice wavered just a little, the name coming out shaky and reverent. The way his shy smile spread across his face tempted Jin Ling into giving him another kiss.
In just a few more minutes, Jin Ling would have to head back to Koi Tower, and Sizhui would have to return to the Cloud Recesses before curfew. Jin Ling’s sudden, unexpected confession meant that they’d have to wait to have a longer conversation about their relationship and how they wanted to proceed. Sizhui had been so sure of Jin Ling for such a long time that Jin Ling felt he was playing catch-up. One day, Jin Ling thought, he’d proudly claim Sizhui as his own and show him off to the world.
For now though, Jin Ling let his head drop onto Sizhui’s shoulder, and his arms wrap around Sizhui’s back. Moments that were just the two of them would be harder and harder to come by as they both move towards becoming the leaders of their respective sects. Jin Ling wanted to hold onto the present while he still could.
“Lan Yuan,” Jin Ling whispered, but he couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence. I don’t want to go home yet. I want to be with you for a little bit longer.
“I know,” Sizhui replied. “Me, too.”
“You’ll miss curfew,” Jin Ling protested.
“I know.”
“I can’t let you get into trouble because of me.” Although, Jin Ling found himself wondering, what could the Lan sect really do to their top disciple, their incumbent heir? Such thoughts were childish, yet he couldn’t help himself.
“I’ll be alright,” came Sizhui’s reassurance.
“You really are too good.” Jin Ling closed his eyes, trying to etch Lan Sizhui’s scent into his memory. “Just a few minutes, then,” he found himself saying.
“A few minutes,” Sizhui agreed.
Jin Ling didn’t know how much time actually passed until he was finally able to reluctantly extract himself from Lan Sizhui’s embrace. Unwilling to say the words goodbye, he pecked Sizhui’s cheek. Sizhui pressed a kiss to the back of his hand in return, and watched him fly off. Jin Ling was determined to carry the warmth burning in his stomach all the way back to Lanling.