Work Text:
Ben Hanscom
RICHIE: why the fuck does eddie look so cute today
RICHIE: his sweater sleeves keep falling down over his palms, like how could I see that and not think “I know exactly how to keep those sleeves up, just hold my hand”
BEN: richie this is so sweet!
BEN: but I feel like you didn’t mean to send this to me?
RICHIE: This message will self-destruct in five seconds.
BEN: Please don’t be embarrassed! Talk to me about feelings
Eddie “Cutie Patootie” Kaspbrak
RICHIE: hi so if ben texts you anything super weird pls remember he is very ill
EDDIE: What does that mean?
RICHIE: ill! Don’t open any texts he’s contagious and he’ll get you
Bill Denbrough
RICHIE: I just accidentally told Ben I have a crush on Eddie what do I dooooOOOO Bev
BILL: still not bev
RICHIE: fuck! Me!!!
BILL: we both know it’s not me you want to fuck
Richie is typing…
RICHIE: big bill
RICHIE: let’s not take anything off the table
BILL: richie…
RICHIE: FINE i’m in love it’s gross let me DIE already
Eddie “Cutie Patootie” Kapsbrak
RICHIE: bill is sick too!!! Ignore him!!!!
EDDIE: Starting to worry YOU’RE ill. What could have possibly happened in the half hour since I left your apartment to make you lose your mind?
RICHIE: error message: your text has not been delivered
EDDIE: I hate you
Beverly Marsh
RICHIE: I have made quite an oopsies
BEV: ...what’d you do sweet pea
RICHIE: destroyed my life due to my poor vision
RICHIE: fuckin’ four eyes
My Fave (B)aes
RICHIE: geddit? Cause you all have b names and hold info in your grubby little hands that could be used to blackmail me
Bill changed the group name to “Eddie is Richie’s Fave Bae”
Bill added Stan Uris to the group
RICHIE: BILL!!! The fuck?
BILL: I’m sorry rich but he was sitting next to me when i got the text, he heard me laugh
BILL: He stole my phone when I said it was “just a picture of a cute dog”
STAN: and what a disappointment your text was
RICHIE: cute dog! You thought stan wouldn’t go to the lengths of bodily harm all in the name of seeing a cute dog? Ridiculous.
BEV: Bill, you don’t even know our Stan at all.
BILL: I was under pressure!
Ben added Mike Hanlon to the group
RICHIE: BEN! The fuck part 2
BEN: It would be rude if we didn’t include Mike! Everyone else is here!
STAN: Not Eddie. We should include him, save us all a lot of time.
RICHIE: no! rude! bad stan
STAN: :(((((
MIKE: What is happening? Please only Bill or Stan answer
BEV: (fuck you very much)
BEN: :(
STAN: Richie likes Eddie. He accidentally texted both Ben and Bill about how cute Eddie is today instead of Bev.
RICHIE: I’m visually impaired.
RICHIE: I also suffer from dumbass
Eddie “Cutie Patootie” Kaspbrak
RICHIE: hey just a fyi I think all our friends were abducted by aliens
EDDIE: Are you on drugs? I’m worried you’re on drugs
RICHIE: baby i’m clean as can be. The squeakiest unlike our friends who probs suffered from some real freaky shit when they were abducted, probs traumatized for life
EDDIE: you did something weird again today didn’t you
Eddie is Richie’s Fave Bae
BILL: What exactly are you texting Eddie? He’s telling me he’s worried you’re on drugs
Richie is typing...
RICHIE: I am baby
RICHIE: but not like i am, baby. like i am baby. the lack of punctuation matters
STAN: That would be easier to tell if you ever used punctuation in the first place.
RICHIE: r ! u ! d !! e
MIKE: Should we be having a serious conversation about all of this?
RICHIE : 👀👀👀
BEV: This is nothing new. Richie has been in love with Eddie for like ever
BEN: this is so sweet❣️I love love
RICHIE: I’m not in love. Eddie just wears oversized sweaters that look amazing on him and it makes me want to JUMP INTO A VOLCANO
BEN: that's how I feel about Bev when her hair is pulled back and I can see her sparkling, green eyes and I want to drown in them
BILL: jump into a volcano vs. drown in her eyes is such a perfect description of richie and eddie vs. ben and bev
STAN: P sure Bev would still jump in a volcano she has that chaotic, dumbass energy too
BEV: love you too stanny
STAN: 💖✨
MIKE: What are you going to do, Richie?
Richie is typing…
BEV: nothing
BILL: Nothing
STAN: Nothing.
RICHIE: very sweetly fuck all of you!!!
MIKE: so you’re saying you WILL do something about it
RICHIE: um
STAN: seEE
RICHIE: fuck you NOT sweetly
STAN: 😉
RICHIE: I can be an adult. I can do something about this.
Losers™️ Minus the Biggest 2 Losers
MIKE: Do we think that’ll work?
BEV: abso-fucking-lutely not
BEN: maybe he’ll surprise us!
Eddie “Cutie Patootie” Kaspbrak
RICHIE: Hi. question
EDDIE: As long as it’s anything besides aliens
RICHIE: how do you ask someone you like on a date
Eddie is typing…
Eddie is typing…
EDDIE: idk, just ask them to do something they like to do
EDDIE: maybe compliment them
RICHIE: hey cutie. Wanna watch a movie with me and make mac n’ cheese?
EDDIE: yeah, exactly like that
Richie is typing…
Eddie is Richie’s Fave Bae
RICHIE: okay i took my shot
RICHIE: now i’m going to crawl into a cave for 27 years and never return
[screenshot]
BILL: oh my god
MIKE: I have no words
BEN: I--
Beverly Marsh
EDDIE: who is richie trying to ask out?? Why do I not know things
[screenshot]
BEV: eddie. pls. my sweet son. go read that message over like ten more times and then come back to me
Eddie Loves Richie 💖
EDDIE: WAIT IS RICHIE ASKING ME OUT
[screenshot]
STAN: *face palm*
MIKE: yes.
BEV: ding ding ding
EDDIE: oh no, what do i DO
BEN: talk to him
BEN: (love is beautiful)
EDDIE: you want me to use words?
BEN: yes, talk to him pls
BILL: ^^^
Eddie Kaspbrak
EDDIE: hey, can I come over?
RICHIE: ofc babe
Eddie is Richie’s Fave Bae
RICHIE: wish me luck
STAN: luck
MIKE: double luck
Losers™️ Minus the Biggest 2 Losers
BEV: I swear to god if this works I’ll ascend to a different plane of existence
STAN: Maybe I’ll have time to pick up a hobby without having to deal with all the bullshit
BILL: you think them dating is going to be LESS bullshit?
MIKE: oh god what have we done
BEN: true loooOOOOOooove
“Hey,” Richie said, fidgeting from foot to foot, the door held still in his left hand from swinging it open.
“Hi.” Eddie paused. The two of them looked at one another. “You going to let me in, asshole, or…?”
“Oh! Yes,” Richie said, laughing as Eddie passed. Why had he been so nervous? It was just Eddie in his oversized sweater, hair messy over his forehead, eyes darting, looking as perfect as ever. Nothing to be nervous about. “What do I owe this extra pleasure of your company to, Eddie boy?”
Eddie pushed his unlocked phone into Richie’s face. Richie paused and crossed his eyes.
“You want me to read an article about common viruses passed through drinking fountains?”
Eddie’s brow scrunched. He looked down at his phone and cleared his throat. “Fuck, I was reading that on the train. That's not…”
“You were reading that on the train? That's so boring, spaghetti.”
“ Not the point,” Eddie replied. He shifted pages on his phone, muttering all the while under his breath. “Here.” he pushed the phone back into his face again. “ Here .”
“It’s less dramatic than the first time.” Richie squinted, mostly because Eddie was holding the phone way too close to his face. “These are our texts.”
“Yes.”
“And?” Richie asked, his heart beating louder and louder with every breath.
Eddie groaned, rolling his eyes as he stuffed the phone back into his pocket. “Were you asking me out?”
Richie rolled his own eyes. “Only pretty much every day since we first met, but I’m glad you’re finally picking—”
Eddie kissed him. Richie didn’t have time to freeze because his body went into overdrive. His fingers found the edge of that infuriating sweater and walked over the inch of skin he now had access to. Eddie mewled at the touch, stepping up further onto his toes to creep closer.
When they pulled back, Eddie looked a little wrecked. Richie knew he must look near the same.
“Your sweater makes me want to jump into a volcano.”
Eddie tilted his head. “In a… good way?”
“The best. I think we should get married.”
Eddie snorted. “Maybe we should try dating first.”
Richie reached out and tugged Eddie close again, not letting his hands leave the small of his back. “Good. My plan worked perfectly.”
Eddie huffed in exasperation, but he also dipped closer and kissed Richie’s collarbone where he could reach, so really he couldn’t be that upset.
Losers™️
RICHIE: eddie agreed to be my boyfriend!!!!!!!
STAN: Gasp. I am truly shocked.
MIKE: What totally unexpected news.
BEN: this is the happiest i have ever been
BEV: dude i’m like right here
BEN: this is the second happiest i have ever been
BILL: they’re probably not responding because they’re making out
EDDIE: ew richie has cooties I would never
RICHIE: he totally DID
MIKE: Okay, go be free kids. Let the adults have the chat back.
RICHIE: cool i’m just gonna go make out with my hot boyfriend. Have fun doing boring stuff like ur taxes
BEN: t💓r💓u💓e💓💓 l💓o💓v💓e