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Chapter Text

'Just a little longer' he thought 'There's no need to worry them, I haven't received the results yet. Hope is the last to die, after all' a painful fit of cough interrupted Aramis' thoughts and his hand flew on his mouth, blood dripping from between his fingers. Nausea hit him, as it always did, and he was forced to run towards the bathroom to 'free' his stomach from what little had he managed to eat.

He knew what that was or, at least, had some suspects (though, since he was a medic, and a very skilled one, he knew he was not mistaken), but he still hoped he was, even though the symptoms were those: he had been having terrible headaches and had experienced blurry vision, nearly blindness, nausea and blood-coughing, and painful seizures. He had taken no meds, no morphine, nothing, he didn't want to even though the pain was sometimes unbearable

"Hey, 'Mis" D'Artagnan's voice came from the door of the medic's apartment. He quickly buttoned up his shirt and adjusted his hair a little before leaving the bathroom "G'day, my dear D'Artagnan. What do you need, my friend?" he asked with his usual calm, while trying to ignore the pain coming from his chest and ribcage. D'Artagnan put an arm behind his neck, as he always did when he was either nervous or uncomfortable "The Captain requested us, we need to go to HQ ASAP"

Aramis prepared his work bag and fixed his shirt collar before following his protégé outside; Athos and Porthos were there too, waiting for the two nurses in the older man's black Chevrolet Corvette. Aramis murmured something about Athos being a filthy rich bastard and about how little they paid him, and about how useless were budget cuts' meetings but the three other men knew he wasn't being serious (they agreed on the third, though)

"C'mon, Treville's waitin' for us" Athos said, as his best friend's best friend and his best friend’s best friend’s best friend ('thos-'mis-D'Art) got in the car; he could see Aramis was struggling for breath, his face was paler than usual and sweaty, his eyes were unfocused and his hands were shaking. Was he sick? Probably. And, as usual, he hadn't told them about it "Athos, drive to the hospital!" "Was about to. Brace yourselves!" he exclaimed, stepping on the gas without giving a damn about the highway code.

Punctually, a traffic patrol began to chase them and, punctually, Athos burned rubber "GN on to us, 'thos, give more gas. D'Art, how's 'Mis doin' back there?" "He's cold and he's running a fever, a bad one. How long 'till we're here, Athos?" "Gimme ten more mins. Porthos, how many of them?" the big Agent looked behind to see ten more squad cars chasing them "Twelve, going to fifteen probably" his cell began ringing "It's the Cap'n. He's probably pissed off wiv' us" "Aramis' life is far more important than some budget cuts' meeting" Athos exclaimed while drifting; one of the squad cars coming from the other direction crashed into his car, smashing one of the car doors and cracking the window

"Fuck! You're gonna pay for this, you DEA bastard! Shoot him, Porthos, shoot him!" Aramis began coughing blood, and the weak moan that escaped his lips was the only thing that 'saved' the poor DEA Agent from certain death "Shit! D'Art, talk to him, keep him conscious!" the older man drifted again, the car's engine taken to the extreme "Aramis? Aramis, it's D'Artagnan. Hey, look at me, look at me" the medic remained unresponsive and didn't react when his protégé shook him gently, his eyes glassy "Aramis? Aramis, answer me! Aramis! Athos, hurry!"

Athos pushed harder and they ended up crashing into the hospital's hall, and God only knows how they escaped without a scratch "What the...!" a medic exclaimed, but was cut off by Porthos "No time, doc. Our friend's not doin' well, he needs help" "What are his symptoms?" the two men turned to the other nurse they had, who immediately felt nervous "He... he's having difficulties breathing and is shaking badly, has a bad fever, around 105° and he's been coughing blood. His eyes are unfocused, and he has been unresponsive since he got in the car. We... haven't stipped him so we don't know if he has any bruise but, when I arrived, he was coughing and throwing up, there was blood on his fingers"

Porthos' cell began ringing, and Athos looked at him, trying to not show the concern that was eating him up "Damn, Treville will have our heads" the big Agent picked up the call from his Captain "Sir" "Where the hell are you?!" the man was, indeed, pissed off. Porthos took a deep breath before answering "It's Aramis, Sir. He's sick, badly" "They're taking him to the O.R. right now" D'Artagnan said, and the two exchanged horrified looks "Is he that bad?" Treville asked on the other end, concerned. The young nurse nodded "He is. I'll follow them, see what I can do" "Wait!" Porthos said, stopping the man on his tracks by grabbing his arm;

D'Artagnan turned and was met by a face that held too much pain and concern for a simple friend. Suddendly, he understood how much Aramis meant for Porthos and just how painfully his death would have hit the bigger man "Promise me he'll be fine. Please" there were tears in the Agent's brown eyes, tears that were threatening to fall. D'Artagnan couldn't promise his friend that, but he surely was going to do everything he could to save his mentor "He will be, I will do everything in my power to save our friend" he hugged Porthos briefly before leaving for the O.R. to stay by Aramis' side.

Athos was still talking with Treville, but the other Senior Agent knew he was watching him "The Captain has given us medical leave. Let's learn about Aramis' medical proxies so we can contact them" he received a small nod in response and he felt his heart ache, but dismissed the thought that had formed in his mind; Aramis was going to be fine, stop. He breathed in and out a few more times before walking towards a medic who had just entered the (destroyed) hall "Dr Lemay" he greeted the man "Athos, hi. May I can ask what is a car doing in the hall?" "Uh, let's call it 'a bump in the road', okay? Anyway, it's not why we're here. We need to know who Aramis' medical proxies are, can you give us their names?" the Agent asked, and was surprised when the medic smiled slightly

"Porthos is listed as his first emergency contact, with Captain Treville as his second and you and young D'Artagnan are his medical proxies" Athos and Porthos inwardly smiled, happy, before the younger man asked the question they dreaded "What happened to Aramis?" Lemay sighed "There isn't a easy way to tell you something like this" he said, running a hand through his black hair "Like what, doc?" the medic looked at the two Agents with sadness in his eyes

"Aramis has a brain tumor. An Astrocytoma, a very aggressive one" that hit the two hard: a brain tumor? Aramis? Hadn't he suffered enough with the horrors of Savoy that still haunted him? "How?" was all Athos managed to ask, his voice shaking and barely audible; Lemay shook his head "I'm afraid I don't know" his pager went off and he excused himself, walking away towards the O.R., where D'Artagnan was waiting, wearing a surgical gown and a white mask covering his mouth. His hands were covered by blue gloves as his hair was by a surgical cap, and he was holding two pair of surgical glasses

"Doctor, I'd like to help in every way I can. Please. Even just being by Aramis' side would be good for me" the medical student said, almost begging, and Lemay nodded "I will need all the help I can get. Aramis told me about you, he says you are a brilliant student and a good friend" the young nurse smiled a little, but his smile was quickly replaced by a frown "What is he suffering from?" "Astrocytoma, a very bad form of it. Let's pray we're not too late" they put on the glasses and entered the O.R.

Chapter Text

Aramis' brain surgery

D'Artagnan had never been in a 'real' O.R., not even with Aramis, and now there he was, his mentor's life hanging by a thread, a very thin thread. His chances of surviving such an operation in his conditions were very low, but better having even the smallest hope than having none

"Nervous?" Lemay asked, and the male nurse nodded "This will be my first surgery, and I'm going to perform it on him... I'm scared of making a mistake that could cost Aramis his life" D'Artagnan's hands were shaking and a few tears had slid down his cheeks. The older doctor put a hand on his shoulder, trying to reassure him but, inwardly, he too was worried: the Astrocytoma was big, very big. It was pressing the brain, and nothing could spare Aramis of a memory loss, of that Lemay was sure

"Let's get to work. The sooner we're done here, the sooner Athos and Porthos can see him" he said, walking towards the operating table. D'Artagnan followed him, his vision still blurred by tears; to see Aramis lying there still, pale and with a breathing tube in his throat was terrible, but he knew he had to stay focused 'Hold on, 'Mis. Hold on, you'll be alright' he thought, breathing in and out once, twice, thrice, until he had calmed down

"I'm ready" "Good. Come here now, will you?" he walked over to the other medic, thankful that he had the mask covering his mouth so Lemay could not see he was biting the inside of his cheek "Drill" he said, holding out a hand; one of the doctors in the room handed it to him, and D'Artagnan used it to carefully make a hole in Aramis' skull "Put the endoscope in, let's see how bad this is" the live video appeared on the screen and everyone fell silent: the tumor was even worse than before, it was bigger and there was blood seeping from a deep gash on its side

"Damn! Brain retractor!" D'Artagnan exclaimed, holding out his hand as more blood began gushing out; Lemay handed it to the young man, his face pale like a sheet. D'Artagnan used it to carefully separate the Astrocytoma from the rest of the brain "Wire saw!" again, the surgical tool was given to him and he quickly cut around the superior frontal sulcus. Aramis' heartbeat sped up and his breath became shallow

"Get some surgical gauze!" someone exclaimed, and a nurse ran across the O.R. to get them and some cotton to clean the blood on the medic's mouth; dr Lemay carefully began to remove the blood clot but, suddendly, the Aramis began to seizure and his eyes shot open; they were unfocused and scared "Shitshitshit!" D'Artagnan yelled, grasping a tumor forceps

"Dr Lemay, this is in your hands now" he exclaimed, giving it to him while he ran beside his friend and began talking to him "Aramis, Aramis it's D'Artagnan. You're safe, you just need to hold on a little longer, alright? Hold on for me, please" the nurse squeezed his hand, hoping Aramis would squeeze back "Please" meanwhile Lemay was doing his best to manipulate and extract the tumor as quickly as possible, trying to not cause more pain.

There was a tense silence in the O.R., everyone was holding their breath; Aramis relaxed slightly and squeezed D'Artagnan's hand back, though weakly. Lemay finally managed to extract the Astrocytoma and placed it on a surgical tray plate "Got it, D'Artagnan!" he said as he carefully started stitching the superior frontal sulcus with small sutures before putting the bone flap back on and attaching in with thick suture, and then, finally, bandaging Aramis' head

"Aramis? Aramis, it's me, D'Artagnan. Can you hear me?" the younger man asked, his voice shaking "Aramis?" the only noise that could be heard, apart from the beeps of the machines, was the still unconscious medic's breath. He was alive "It... it worked. W-we did it" he whispered, tears of joy streaming down his cheeks "We did it" Lemay breathed out in relief: that had been the hardest surgery he had ever performed, even though he actually didn't perform it himself.

He gently squeezed the nurse's shoulder "Yes. Yes, we did it" his voice was shaking too "C'mon now, let's go relocate him in another room" "Y-yes" two medics carefully moved him to a sub-intensive Care Unit room, while D'Artagnan and Lemay waited for Athos and Porthos. The younger man couldn't wait to see his friends again after what had seemed like days (when it had been more or less two hours, maybe even less)

"It's going to be hard, for all of us. He's going to suffer from amnesia, but I don't know how extended the damage will be" D'Artagnan nodded: he knew it but, at least, Aramis was going to live "We will help him with that. We will help him with everything" he said; he was troubled by that, but also relieved "He will be alright. He will be, because he has us" he half-smiled, his heart filled with calmness. He bid his goodbye to Lemay, before walking towards the room his friends were sitting in, waiting for news about their friend's conditions.

Chapter Text

A thos

This... this can't be happening. Not to you.

You're too young yet you've been through enough, because of that damned Savoy! From that day of five years on, Treville never recovered. He's still feeling guilty over what happened even though you always says it isn't his fault that the massacre happened. I don't want to think about... that, it's just... too horrible.

Finding you there, alone, curled up like that, pale and feverish and covered in blood, surrounded by the bodies of twenty young men, men that had been brutally murdered in their sleep, clutching André's chest while sobbing, your hands, hair and clothes soaked with blood. I remember Porthos searching for Marsac, as we had both seen he was not among the dead

'Deserter!' he had exclaimed before running towards you with tears in his eyes. I didn't move, too shocked and horrified to do anything. It took you three weeks to even start recognizing us, and it wasn't until three or four months that you started getting better; that day something happened. You changed. You left the Army and studied to become both a field and a hospital medic. Everything seemed okay, why God decided you had to suffer more? Why?   I hide my face in my hands and sob silently, while praying for you 'Please, hold on, my friend. Please'

Treville

Son, please, forgive me. I know you keep saying it was not my fault but, still, it was; I was the one who gave that order, I was the one who told you to go there, it is my fault and I will have to live with this. I'm glad you survived, but I'll never get over that mission and nor will you, my boy;

I'm just sorry Marsac fled, leaving you there while bullets were still flying, and I'm sorry we arrived too late to save at least André. I know how much you cared for him and I'll never get over the fact that he bled to death in your arms mere minutes before we got to you; I'm sorry for everything, Aramis, but please, don't give up.

Keep fighting, like you fought for André. I know it's a bad thing to say but you fought so hard to keep him alive, and he would have done the same for you had he been given the chance. Fight, Aramis, fight for us. Please.   I silently address a pray to God, my eyes closed and my hands clasped together, with your crucifix in them.

Constance

Don't you dare die on D'Artagnan. If you do, I will personally revive you just to kill you myself, Aramis!

I sob in my hands, my eyes red for how much I've been crying. You can't die, not after all you've been through. It would be so unfair. I can't picture a life without you, without your wittiness and smiles, without your laugh, without all your jokes and your stories.

I can't picture Athos without you by his side, you two always bickering, or D'Artagnan without you mentoring him, or Porthos without you making fun of the other Agents or pranking Treville, or the three of you on desk duty, filling endless paperwork. No, I just can't picture something like that, and I honestly don't want to, because it hurts me, it creates a feeling of emptiness that I don't like. Please, Aramis, come back to us, please.

Porthos

Oh, Aramis, there are a lot of things I want to tell you, I just don't where to start. A simple 'I love you' doesn't even begin to describe what I feel for you, what I've always felt and that what happened that day has done nothing but increased it. I'm not good with words, you know this, but right now I would just want to be by your bedside telling you just how much you mean to me and just how sorry I am for not telling you sooner, how sorry I am for not opening up to you, for not confessing my feelings to you, for not telling you how much I love when you laugh and smile, for being jealous of you and D'Art, for closing myself up when you patiently try to talk with me about my mother.

Now I'm scared. I'm scared you might forget me, I'm scared you might not love me back, I'm scared you might leave me because of this damned tumor and I'm scared of a life without you.

Yes, because I wanted to propose to you, I always wanted to but I was too afraid. I was afraid you might rejected me. Now I'm scared of not knowing your answer, I'm scared of not knowing if you returned my feelings. Whatever you'd say, I will accept it, but please, my love, stay with me, please. Don't leave me alone, with nothing but sorrow and emptiness in my heart.

Chapter Text

D'Artagnan reached the room his friends were waiting in, but stopped in front of the door: what was he going to tell them? Yeah, the surgery went well except for the fact we nearly lost him? He's going to be fine but he'll probably won't remember any of us? No. No, he couldn't think something like that. Aramis was going to be fine, he was going to remember them, he was going to wake up "Guys, even a zombie looks better than you" he said, trying to lighten the mood a little but failing in the attempt both because of the looks he received and by how weak his own voice sounded.

He sighed, sitting down next to Constance and gently taking her hand "How is 'Mis?" Porthos asked, not looking up; his voice was weak and shaking with emotion and fear How're you going to answer, Charles? You're going to lie? Or are you going to tell them the truth? Are you going to tell them Aramis might not wake up? "No!" the young nurse exclaimed, standing up; everyone looked at him, from the medics that were passing by to the three Agents and a secretary sitting with him "'No' what, D'Art? Is he...?" Athos didn't have to finish his sentence, they had understood: Constance brought a hand on her mouth, shocked and horrified, Treville winced, looking at his man with wide, terrified eyes, and Porthos bleached in pure horror, losing what little color he had left on his face

"No, no, he made it through the surgery" D'Artagnan said "I hear a 'but' coming" Treville said, worried. D'Artagnan nodded gravely "Yes, there's a 'but', because we don't know how damaged his brain has been. He will surely suffer from amnesia, but we will have to wait until he wakes up to determinate how extensive the damage is. The Astrocytoma was located away from Aramis' spinal cord however, during the surgery, while removing it, he began having seizures, and this might cause some mobilty problems. If yes, I'm afraid it may be permanent"

It hurt D'Artagnan, to be the bearer of such a bad news, but better him than a random medic who would probably face the hostility of the Agents and their Captain. He closed his eyes, letting the tears fall; he felt three pairs of strong arms wrapping him while Constance still held his hand, and finally lost it. He let everything out: his pain, his fear, his horror, everything, and he sobbed so much that, in the end, he could barely breathe

"Sorry to interrupt, I thought you might would have wanted to know Aramis has been moved to room 114, sub-intensive Care Unit" Athos nodded his thanks at Lemay, who nodded back slightly "You did a great job back there, D'Artagnan. Rest now, all of you, I'll see if I can arrange for you to stay the night" "Thank you, doc!" Porthos exclaimed in an excess of joy, hugging the medic vigorously. Lemay patted the big man's back a few times, a small smile on his face "Alright, alright. Now, Porthos, let the doc go, will you?" Treville said, chuckling slightly, and the younger man let Lemay go with an embarassed smile on his (red) face "I'll be right back" he said, before leaving.

A few minutes passed before the man returned, the shadow of a smile on his face "You can stay by Aramis' side. D'Artagnan, you're in charge of him, alright?" Lemay said, giving the young man a weak pat on the back "For anything, call me" "Thank you, doc" "Come, I'll show you the way" the five were led to their friend's room, where everything was already settled down: there were five beds, three near the farthest wall from the hospital bed, one near the bedside table and one parallel to Aramis'. The young medic was very pale and surrounded by beeping machines, the sheets covering his chest barely rising and falling and his eyes closed

"Porthos, D'Artagnan, you take them. We take the others. Wake us immediately if there's something wrong, though I highly doubt we'll get some rest" Treville said, sitting on his bed, the one on the farthest corner of the room and the third nearest to Aramis' bed after Porthos' and D'Artagnan's. Athos put a hand on his partner's shoulder while Constance placed a gentle kiss on her boyfriend's cheek before going to sleep, her bed the closest to the door "He'll be alright" the older Agent said gently, squeezing Porthos' hand "He'll be alright, I promise you" the bigger man squeezed back, and the ghost of a smile briefly appeared on his face "Thanks" he whispered, before sitting by Aramis' bedside and holding his cold hand gently. Athos sighed, exchanging a look with his Captain: they both knew it was going to be a very long night.

They watched as D'Artagnan checked Aramis' vitals and blood; he didn't seem unsatisfied, but not even over the moon "So far, he's doing good. His breath is still too slow for my liking, but I can't do much for it" they could hear the frustration in the young man's voice, and Treville put a hand on his shoulder, trying to reassure him a little "He'll get through this. He's Aramis, after all" he said, the ghost of a smile briefly appearing on his tired face "Now get some rest, you need it" D'Artagnan mumbled something about not being tired, making Athos smirk and gently tuck him to his bed. He then turned to look at Porthos, who hadn't moved from where he was, and sighed quietly before going to lay down on his bed; he knew he wasn't going to sleep but he tried anyway, exausted as he was.

Meanwhile, Aramis was agitating. Where am I? he tried to say, but no sound came out of his lips. He looked around himself and bleached No... this can't be happening. No! this time he screamed, closing his eyes as not to see the bodies that surrounded him, but again no sound came out of his mouth. He reopened them when he heard someone struggling for breath "André... No, no, no, stay with me. Stay with me" he limped by the young man's side: he was covered in crimson blood and was as pale as a dead man, and that was what scared Aramis. The fact that he would soon become one if he didn't manage to save his life.

He looked around for Marsac finding him walking around with an empty expression "Marsac! Marsac, over here. Help me" the (still not) medic exclaimed, making the man turn "It's over, Aramis. Can't you see it? They're dead, and we with them if we stay here any longer" he looked at the other soldier in shock and horror: how could he say something like that? They were their comrades, their brothers. How could he leave them behind? "Where are you going?! Marsac!" Marsac didn't look back at his brother screaming for him.

After making himself hoarse from all the screaming, Aramis returned his attention to André: he was bleeding out fast, and no matter how much pressure Aramis put on the ù wound the man had on his throat and chest, he could not stop the bleeding. He looked at his bloody clothes, hands and forearms; it made him sick, all that crimson blood "Stay with me. C'mon, stay with me. Please, André" he begged, his vision blurred by tears. He chocked a sob and applied more pressure on the gash, though hopeless by now "T-tell Audrey that... that I l-love her" André whispered weakly, squeezing his friend's hand with his last strenghts "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, brother..." a weak smile crept on the younger man's pale face "D-don't be... you s-stayed, it's enough for... m-me. T-thank you" he whispered, closing his eyes for the last time and breathing his last breath.

Aramis felt like someone had just killed him in a horrible way. He clutched André, sobbing until he could barely breathe and praying someone would kill him too, as he didn't deserve to be alive, he didn't deserve to have survived Footsteps. Footsteps on the snow he thought. Someone was approaching. He was going to protect his brothers' bodies from the butchery of their enemy no matter what; they weren't going to hurt them again. He closed his eyes and breathed out, his fingers gripping his rifle. Everything was silent until he heard a voice "Aramis!" Porthos... No. No, he was imagining it. Porthos wasn't there. He wasn't there, he was alone. Aramis closed his eyes and relaxed, darkness and coldness crept into his bones

"Aramis! Cap'n, he's 'ere. I found 'im!" strong but gentle arms took him, carefully freeing André's body from his grip even though he tried to free himself "No, no! Let me go! André, André, please forgive me" Aramis cried, hot tears streaming down his cheeks "I'm sorry..." his voice was hoarse and weak, and he had to cough a few times, blood coming out from his lips "Get him to the medevac" Treville said, his voice full of concern "N-no... André, please" his voice was just a whisper now, and his eyes were closing; he was exausted and numb. The last thing he heard was Athos saying that he was going to take care of the men, then nothing more.

Aramis awoke with a start, screaming, and he immediately felt someone pinning him down "Aramis! Aramis, calm down, please" "N-no, no! L-let me go, let me go! André, André!" he was sobbing against the chest of whoever was holding him while, beside him, someone was fumbling with glass (or so it seemed to Aramis) "W-where am I?" he asked weakly, his breath ragged and his eyes glassy. He looked around and saw people looking at him concerned "Who are you?" he asked, retreating from them "Calm down, Aramis, everything is fine. Everything is fine" the oldest of them said, but the man retreated even more "H-how do you know my name?" he tried to stand up but the throbbing of his head and his inability to move stopped him "Aah!" "Hey, hey, look at me, 'Mis" the someone still holding him said gently, and Aramis looked up to see a young man around his thirties, with brown hair and eyes that were full of concern

"Lemay's here" a young voice said and, when he turned towards the door, he saw a man in a white lab coat "Aramis, it's good to see you awake" "Why am I in hospital? What happened?" the doctor, Lemay the boy called him, approached the bed Aramis was in. He sighed, sitting down next to him "You... suffered from a brain tumor" he said gravely "I... I can't feel my legs" it wasn't a pleasant feeling "You had seizures during your brain surgery that caused some damage, it will take you a couple of days to recover. Get some rest, okay?" Aramis closed his eyes again and fell asleep in no time, the other people in the room looking at him with different expressions but each one smiling.

Chapter Text

Aramis awoke the next day, the unpleasant feeling of not being able to feel his legs as he should concerning him

"Good morning, Aramis" he heard a voice on his left say: it was the man that had held him the night before. He tried to sit up but only managed to rise a little before his head started throbbing "What happened?" he said, looking around his room: the older men were wide awake and were looking at him relieved, even though he didn't understand why. Then there was the young man he had seen by Lemay's side when he had woken up, whose bed was the one by his bedside table, and the only woman in the room who were chatting on her bed, the farthest from his and the nearest to the door.

He heard a noise near the door, where the young man was; he seemed uncomfortable "You underwent brain surgery to remove an Astrocytoma" he said, a small, sad smile on his tired face "Who are you?" everyone immediately felt a twinge in their heart, and silence fell for what seemed like hours. Finally, the man behind him spoke, his voice shaking while he tried not to cry "We're your brothers, 'Mis" he said, and the younger man turned to look at him confused "I don't have brothers..." "We're brothers by everything but blood" the second oldest said, the ghost of a smile on his pale face

"I'm Athos, this is Treville, our Captain. The boy is your protégé, D'Artagnan, and that is his girlfriend Constance. The man behind you is Porthos, my partner and your best friend" Aramis seemed uncomfortable because of that last sentence; he cleared his throat "Sorry" he apologised, shifting uncomfortably "I had no idea you two... you know... if I did something stupid that I don't remember, tell me" Athos looked at his brother, stunned: okay, was it bad that he wanted to record that? He shook his head, smiling a little "No, no, you did nothing stupid. We're not partners that way, simply co-workers at the Police Precinct" Aramis blushed wildly and looked away, embarassed "Oh... ah... I... sorry" a new voice made its entrance

"Aramis, hi. How do you feel?" Lemay said "Like I want the ground to eat me up, doc" was the embarassed reply. Behind him Porthos smiled softly, before leaving room to the man so that he could do his job; he took a blood sample before checking Aramis' pupil for any sight damage and then his breath to see if they were clear "You're still very weak" Lemay said "Will I forget again?" the other medic asked, inwardly hoping so. The others chuckled weakly "Probably. It will take you maybe a week to recover" "My legs, does the inability of feeling them have anything to do with my Astrocytoma?" Aramis asked, and the man nodded gravely "In a few days you'll start a rehab program, but I warn you: there are no guarantees that you will walk again" D'Artagnan paled, and Constance squeezed his hand, worried as well, while the three older men winced at the thought. Lemay's pager went off and the man excused himself, leaving the room.

Everything was silent after that, each of those present immersed in their own thoughts; Aramis closed his eyes, exausted, and sighed: not being able to move was annoying, not being able to remember was even worse. He knew he knew the people in the room, but he just couldn't remember what bound him to them, he couldn't remember how close he was to them, he couldn't remember anything

"I know I'm getting repetitive but... can you tell me who you are again?" he asked, trying not to sound annoyed; the oldest man, Treville, nodded, sitting beside the young medic "No problem, kid" he said, patting his shoulder gently "We are your family" Athos said "We are your brothers, with Constance as our sister and Treville the father we never had" his eyes were shining with pride and a small smile was on his lips. Aramis nodded "I'm sorry I'm such a burden, Athos" he apologised, looking down, while Athos smiled a little: his brother remembered his name. That was something, even though it wasn't much. D'Artagnan's firm voice startled even him

"Don't say something like this ever again" he said, placing his hands on his mentor's shoulders and making him look up at him "You. Are not. A burden" he continued firmly, looking straight into Aramis' eyes "It is not your fault that you can't remember" "D'Art is right, it will take time but you'll eventually start remember us more clearly" Constance said gently, holding his hand; the man nodded slightly, his eyes meeting Treville's, and the Captain saw the pain and confusion in them. He wasn't ready for that painful question

"Why do I remember a battlefield?" immediately Treville felt a lump in his throat and a big, heavy weight on his chest "I... it's late, you need to rest, Aramis" he said "I need to get back to the Precinct. I'll be in my office if you need me" he left quickly, leaving even Athos stunned. Their shock was quickly replaced by sympathy and concern, as they knew their Captain was still blaming himself for Savoy "Get some rest, 'Mis. We'll see you tomorrow" Porthos said, sitting on his bed. There was no need to worry Aramis more than he already was "Alright" he sighed, closing his eyes and letting the exaustion get the upper hand on him. Porthos laid down on his bed, watching the other man carefully: right now the man he loved seemed even more small and fragile, and he didn't like it "You get some sleep too, while I go to check on the Captain" he nodded at his partner as the man left.

Just as he was exiting the room, he saw Treville looking out from the window "Thought you left, sir" "I'm sorry about earlier, Athos, I shouldn't have... run away like that" Treville said, ashamed of himself "You should stop blaming yourself for what happened" Athos said "I just... can't. I'm responsable of all those deaths. I should have been with them, I should have died with them" "What should Aramis think?" that was another question Treville was afraid of, because they both knew what were the medic's thoughts about that fatal day: he always thought he deserved to die, like his brothers had.

A thought flashed into the older man's mind 'Marsac' the man who so cowardly had let twenty young recruits to die was still on the run. They had to find him 'Where is he now?' "Athos" he called, making the man look up "Yes, Cap'n?" "Find Marsac. Bring him in" it did not escape to him the flash of anger that crossed Athos' eyes but said nothing "What if seeing him causes Aramis something bad? What if he remembers everything all of a sudden?" the Agent didn't seem enthusiastic, as he hadn't forgotten how his younger brother had reacted when he had realized Marsac had really left him alone on the battlefield, surrounded by dead soldiers. While he had never forgiven him, Aramis had just closed himself in a nutshell, not speaking, not eating, not even crying anymore

"I know it's hard, but I want him to see the man he left behind for the last time, before throwing him in jail" Treville's voice was cold "But first I want to know why he did it" "He did it because he's a coward" Athos replied, as icy as his Captain. There was silence, then Treville nodded to his second-in-command to get some sleep, as it was quite late and they were both exausted. They returned in Aramis' room and found Porthos still awake watching the medic with sad eyes "He'll be fine, I promise you. Get some rest now, Porthos" his partner said gently, and the younger Agent nodded, closing his eyes and falling into a dreamless sleep 'Better this way' Athos thought before going to sleep too, tired as hell.

Treville, however, knew he wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon, so he decided to use all that time to think; looking around the room he saw that everyone was asleep, and moved towards the window to see the moon shining outside. He choked a sob, closing his pale blue eyes and resting his forehead on the glass, trying to ignore the screams echoing inside his head and the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. He didn't care if he was tired, he too suffered from nightmares about Savoy and that was one of the reasons he didn't want to sleep.

A weak whisper brought him back "C-cap'n...?" it was Aramis, and he was half awake; seeing the older man so upset, the medic worried "What's wrong?" he asked, trying to stand up with concern in his eyes; Treville rushed to stop him "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up" "N-no prob, sir" the young man coughed a few times, one hand clutching his shirt while doing so "Y-you were crying... why?" he asked, stifling another cough with the back of his hand; Treville handed him a glass of water but Aramis didn't drank even half of it "Captain, are you alright?" he asked, gently "No, Aramis, I'm not..." was the tired reply "Wanna talk about it?" the Captain shook his head tiredly "Not tonight. C'mon, go back to sleep" "Will you talk about it?" Aramis wasn't going to give up, Treville knew it. He nodded slightly before walking towards his bed "Good night, Aramis" "Good night, Captain"

Chapter Text

Aramis opened his eyes and smiled weakly when he saw Porthos smiling at him "Hey, 'Mis" the big man said, squeezing his hand gently "How do you feel?" "Tired. My head hurts and I still can't feel my legs" he sighed, rubbing them; they were interrupted by their friends awakening and by Lemay stepping in the room "Aramis, I'm glad to see you're awake" the medic said, smiling; Aramis greeted him, smiling back weakly "Here, lean on me" Lemay said, holding out his hand for the young man;

he took it but didn't manage to stand up, or better, when he tried to he fell on his knees, and only Porthos' incredible reflexes saved him from totally collapsing "Aramis!" Treville and Athos ran beside him, while D'Artagnan squeezed Constance's hand in reassurance "It's... it's okay" Aramis said, trying his best not to show how scared he was "It's okay, I'm just... I haven't moved in a while, so it is... totally normal that my body can't take this effort. C'mon, it's not nice to be late to my first rehab session" he leaned on Porthos, his body shaking.

After experiencing some efforts with Aramis' inability to move (thus being forced to sit on a wheelchair), the five men, followed by D'Artagnan and Constance, arrived at the room where Aramis would start rehab "Here we are" the young medic said, and everyone could hear his voice trembling and full of doubt. Porthos squeezed his hand gently, trying to reassure him that it was going to be fine; after a few minutes, Aramis felt him let go of his hand and saddened for a moment. He turned towards his brother, a soft smile on his tired face "I know you will be by my side when I wake up" he said, before entering the room with only Lemay while the others waited outside. It wasn't something comfortable, so to speak, because they still hadn't overcome the feeling of not being by their younger brother's side, separated from him by a white door with a red light above it.

"As I told you, you may not walk again" Lemay said, and his sentence was met by a calm look "Neverthless, it is worth a try. And, even if I'm going to be confined in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, I know my brothers will always be by my side" he effortlessy stood up, leaning on the parallel bars with all his weight; he closed his eyes and regulated his breath, before taking a small step, his legs shaking "Be careful" Lemay said almost immediately, rushing by his side; Aramis held out a hand, his expression firm "I need to do this alone" he said, taking another step, then another one, his body relaxing at each steps.

He almost fell on the ground, because he hadn't noticed the parallel bars had ended, but luckily someone (read: Lemay) caught him "Aramis? Aramis, it's Lemay. Aramis?" the medic's voice held a hint of worry; he motioned to the therapist to get help while he helped Aramis sit down "Aramis. Aramis, look at me. Aramis, look at me" "I... I can't. D-doc, I can't" Aramis began panicking "I can't see!" "Hey, hey easy, calm down. Calm down, help is coming" Lemay said as he tried to reassure the young medic, who seemed all but reassured "Doc, I can't see" he was sobbing now, tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was shaking;

They heard the door opening with a slam, then Athos', Treville's, D'Artagnan's and Porthos' concerned voices "Aramis!" "P-Porthos..." was the first name he called, as he held out a hand, pure fear in his eyes. The big man ran beside his friend and took his stretched hand in his "Hey, ssh, it's okay. It's okay, Aramis, I'm here. Ssh, I'm here" the medic was shaking in Porthos' arms, scared "The surgeon is here, doc" a medic said and Lemay inwardly facepalmed, before gently flashing a pen torch light in Aramis' eyes but they didn't react to the light; after exaling a few times he and Porthos helped the younger man on his feet and, forcefully yet gently, the older man wrapped a hand around his waist "C'mon, we'll get you to your room" he said, taking his brother in his arms and leaving the room followed by Lemay.

Chapter Text

There was silence in Aramis' room. The medic was sitting in the bed, his head lowered and his breath slow; Lemay had left him and Porthos alone after seeing that they needed to talk, but neither of them spoke; after all, what could be said? There were no words of reassurance or, at least, the older man had none. He tentatively touched his brother's shoulder and Aramis looked up, his sightless eyes making Porthos wince slightly and the younger man noticing it;

He smiled wealky, covering Porthos' hand with his own "It's okay" he said, trying to sound calm "I know you're worried just as much as the others, but it will be alright" yeah, because it was going to be alright, right? He felt his brother gently rubbing his hand and smiled. Porthos nodded, kissing his knuckles softly "I'll leave you with Lemay now, someone needs to keep the others at bay after all" he half grinned and Aramis smiled back slightly "Yeah, and it is always you" the Agent snorted, messing with the medic's curly hair before leaving to see how his brothers were doing.

Each step he took hurt, because he didn't want to leave the man he'd grown to love more than anything; he reached the waiting room in more or less two minutes, the Captain and the others immediately stood up to meet him "Lemay just left. How is he Porthos?" Treville asked, taking Porthos' hand in his "He'll get through this, I know it. Athos, I need a favor, and a big one" the team leader nodded "Of course. What is it that you need, brother?" he asked, understanding it had something to do with Aramis. The younger Agent took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment: he had been afraid for too long, and he knew it, but was it a good idea to leave Aramis' side now? He breathed out and locked eyes with his partner, a serious expression on his face

"I have something to do. This means I have to leave the hospital" the two Agents understood the real meaning of that sentence "I want to propose him. Do you mind taking over for a couple of hours?" Treville smiled softly, patting the big man's shoulder with pride, while Athos, unable to hide his emotions, hugged his friend. He immediately blushed and pulled away, an embarassed yet happy smile on his face "Yeah, of course" he said, his face nearly purple from the embarassment "Don't worry, son: we'll keep him at bay until you're back" "Thank you" Porthos left, his mind focused on Aramis and his heart full of love for him;

He thought about the kind of engagement ring he should buy: what was better, a gold ring or a silver one? And how should it be, with a diamond or a different gemstone? If he chose a different gem, what should that be: a sapphire, whose color matched Aramis' blue eyes? Or an emerald, whose color was the favourite of the young medic? Should he buy a ring with a ruby, or was an amethyst better? Aramis loved amethyst, but the other gems were also beautiful; Porthos couldn't choose between all of them and was about to give up when he remembered a person who was the best when it came to rings and gems. He reached for his cellphone and dialed the number. The person anwered after the second ring, but the Agent spoke before them "No time for questions, I need a very big favor. I'm coming to you" he left the hospital, walking fast to get there as quickly as possible.

He reached the place in no time, hands shaking. The person he needed to see was there, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed on his chest; when he noticed Porthos had arrived, he approached him "So, what do you need that's so important?" he said, smiling at his friend; he noticed his discomfort, so he motioned Porthos to follow him inside. They climbed up the stairs and entered in a room full of tools, but the Agent didn't even glance at them, instead he kept looking down "What's wrong? You look pale" "I am, Luc. I am, because I don't know what to give to a special person" Luc chuckled "Well, well, well, congrats, my friend. So, who's the lucky lady?" "Actually... 'she' is a he" Porthos said, sitting down, hands clasped together.

Luc remained silent for a couple of seconds before sitting down next his friend "It's okay, you know I don't judge" he said, placing a hand on his shoulder "Thanks" the man muttered. He stood up "I need you to make the most magnificent engagement ring you've ever made. Use the finest gems you have among these" Porthos gave his friend a list of five gemstones

"I want you to create the most beautiful gem in the world, Luc" his eyes were shining with the love he felt for Aramis, and it made the goldsmith smile fondly "The Queens, Kings, Emperors and Empresses will bleach and bow at the sight of Aramis' ring" Luc said proudly, clasping the younger man's shoulder. Porthos nodded "I have to go now, my brothers are waiting for me in the hospital" "Hospital? What happened?" the man asked, concerned, but Porthos walked towards the door "No time. The setting is an infinity, the gem must look like a galaxy" he went outside and his cellphone began ringing; it was the Captain.

Chapter Text

He went outside and his cellphone began ringing; it was the Captain.

He took the call, but the voice wasn't Treville's, it was D'Artagnan's and it sounded scared; it was difficult to understand the words, and Porthos didn't like it "What's going on? What happened? D'Artagnan, calm down and tell me what happened?" "Porthos! Porthos, it's Aramis! He began talking to himself, saying he was hearing voices inside his head and, when Lemay touched him, he began seizuring. Where are you?" "Outside, I'm running up the stairs right now!" he almost broke his ankle while running but he didn't care.

He slammed the door open, startling the medics on shift; he stormed in Aramis' room, making his brothers turn to him in shock and relief "Aramis!" he exclaimed, seeing the medic being hold by his arms by Lemay and Treville "Let him go" "We don't know what he might do if we do it" Athos said, gravely; it hurt him, it hurt them all, to see their brother in such a state "Leave us alone" "Porthos" D'Artagnan said, worried; the Agent hadn't been there when Aramis had delirated, he didn't know what had happened "It's alright, I've got this. Leave, please" he had noticed the medic had calmed down the moment he had acknowledged his presence, and he was glad about it.

The Captain motioned to the others to follow him outside, and Porthos was quickly left alone with Aramis; he was looking down, not speaking and shaking a little. He moved closer and, after sitting beside his brother, he gently wrapped a hand around his shoulders; Aramis hiccupped, a small sob escaping his lips "Y-you promised you wouldn't leave..." tears began streaming down his sightless eyes and Porthos' felt his heart twinge "Y-you... promised to stay by my s-side" "I know. I know and I'm sorry I left you, but I had something to do" he said, but Aramis shook his head and curled up against Porthos' chest, sobbing quietly "T-the voices... t-they kept saying you left b-because I had become a burden" "I could never leave you behind, Aramis. Never"

Aramis opened his mouth to speak but, instead of words, a strangled moan left his lips. He took his head in his hands, his eyes squeezed shut "Aramis! Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay, I'm here" "H-hurts... t-the voices, t-they're getting l-louder... t-they keep saying I'm a burden. It's... it's right, I... I am a burden" he sobbed. The other man held him tightly, squeezing his shoulders "You're not a burden. You may be difficult and stubborn sometimes, but you're not a burden. You are the most important person in my life" Porthos kissed his forehead softly, and Aramis felt warmth in his chest. The voices faded away almost immediately and a small smile appeared on his face "D-do you... do you mean it?" he asked, looking up at the Agent; the answer was a gentle kiss on his lips and two soft whispered words

"I do"

Aramis relaxed and, finally feeling all the exaustion befalling him, he closed his eyes, falling asleep in Porthos' arms. He kissed his lips again before tucking him to bed, and was about to stand up when he felt the younger man grabbing his hand "Don't leave again" Aramis whispered, not opening his eyes "Please" he sat down again and began stroking the medic's hair until his breath stabilized "I won't, sweetie, I promise. Sleep, now" Aramis fell asleep again while Porthos thought.

He thought about the ring again, about the gem it would have and what would Aramis' reaction be and, most importantly, when would the right time to propose him be. He unconsciously kept stroking Aramis' hair until he fell asleep too, the man he loved in his arms and a smile on his face.

Chapter Text

Aramis awoke with a pleasant feeling and the feeling of someone's taste on his lips and his skin against his own; he liked it.

He moved, waking the man that was holding him "Mornin'. Did you sleep well?" "I did, yeah" he was still tired, though. A sudden pain in his head made him grimace and he put a hand on his forehead, moaning "Aah!" "Aramis! Hold on, I'll call Lemay and the others" the man pressed the blue button near the bed before holding Aramis' hand gently, waiting for the doctor to come in. Said and done, five people entered the room "Porthos, Aramis, what's wrong?" it was a young voice, belonging to a male 'On his twenties or so' Aramis thought, shifting to feel more comfortable

"It's nothing, I'm fine" he said, sitting down, his hand still on his throbbing head, his eyes closed in a grimace. He winced when someone touched him and retreated slightly, but relaxed when the man holding him squeezed his shoulder "It's okay, it's just Lemay. Relax" Aramis nodded, leaning against the wall and letting the doctor examine him, though looking very uncomfortable; after about ten minutes Lemay stopped but didn't speak, and that concerned the young man "What's the diagnosis, doc? Will my blindness be permanent?" "I don't know, Aramis" Lemay said, sincerely concerned about the other medic's conditions that seemed to be worsening day after day "I'll see you tomorrow for PT, alright?" he nodded slightly and closed his eyes again, leaning into Porthos' arms.

The two were left alone and Aramis, without really understanding why, kissed Porthos with something that resembled lust; he pinned the man down and began ghosting on his skin, his hands touching his chest and sides and running through his hair, kissing his neck and collarbone "Mmmh" he moaned as the feeling in his chest grew more and more. Porthos, for the first few minutes, was frozen but, after a minute, he started kissing Aramis back, his arms wrapped around the younger man's neck. They parted after a while, still excited and hot; Aramis ghosted his fingers on the other man's bare chest, smiling. He had never felt like that, never; he fell asleep in no time, happy.

Porthos had been taken aback by Aramis' kiss but his shock was quickly replaced by a sexual urge he had never experienced; he wanted to have sex with the younger man but he didn't want to force him into something he wouldn't even remember. When the medic fell asleep on his chest, he smiled softly; he thought back at the ring and his nervousness arose: what if Aramis forgot about him? What if he forgot about their kiss? Porthos kissed his forehead while forcing back the tears that were threatening to fall "Always remember that I love you, Aramis" he whispered quietly, closing his eyes and drifting into sleep.

They were woken by D'Artagnan's cheeky voice, which was the last thing they wanted to hear on Saturday at 7:32 a.m. in the morning

"I'm going to kill him one day" Aramis muttered, making Porthos chuckle and run a hand through his hair; the medic had to bite his lip in order to hold back a moan of pleasure "You like it?" the older man whispered in his ear, gently sliding his hands down his chest, making Aramis moan louder "Mmmh, yeah" he wrapped his arms around Porthos' neck, bringing him closer, and began leaving wet kisses on it while slowly moving under the Agent. Not wanting to wear him out, Porthos stopped their 'make out' with a soft kiss

"Aww, c'mon 'Thos" the field medic said, pretending to pout and making the other man smile "You're still too weak, and I have to do something" "Mmh, alright. Don't stay away too long, please" Porthos nodded and had just began walking towards the door when his phone rang: it was Luc. He turned to look at the already asleep Aramis and felt his heart full of warmth and love; he had never felt so happy in his life.

He sighed, taking Luc's call "Hey, man" "It's finished? Please, tell me it is, I can't wait any longer" "It is. Come over, I'll show you the Eighth Wonder of the World. You'll be impressed" "Coming. Over and out"

Porthos was nervous.

Okay, maybe 'nervous' wasn't the right word, more like 'scared as hell'.

He hurried to Luc's studio, his friend waiting down for him "'Thos" the goldsmith greeted him with a nod "Where is it?" the Agent asked, after returning the greeting; Luc motioned the younger man to follow him upstairs, a proud smile on his face.

The two went upstairs, Luc a few steps ahead of him, Porthos' nervousness increasing at each step "Wait here" the goldsmith said, walking into another room to get the engagement ring. Porthos sat down, hands clasped together and head bowed, thinking about Aramis over and over and imagining him in a wedding dress; the thought made him chuckle: it would actually suit the medic, a white wedding gown adorned with lace flowers of the same colour or maybe a rose petal shade, and with a long bridal veil

"Here it is" Luc announced, making him look up: before his eyes was a beautiful white gold ring with an ever more beautiful gemstone made of Aramis' favourite stones. Porthos was stunned, he had never seen such beauty, apart from Aramis.

But Luc wasn't finished; he presented Porthos another ring, a black gold one with a beautiful sapphire "This is for you, my friend. Go, now, your beloved awaits you in hospital" the younger man didn't know what to say, his voice just didn't seem to want to leave his lips. All he was able to do was hug his friend tight, kissing his cheeks and forehead in gratitude"T-thank you..." he actually sobbed, hiding his face in Luc's neck "Thank you so much" "Go" Porthos nodded, leaving quickly with the two rings around his neck, running towards the hospital with tears of joy in his brown eyes.

He reached Aramis' room in no time, the others were already there together with Lemay and the PT specialist; the medic looked up as soon as he heard footsteps approaching, a smile on his face "Porthos!" he exclaimed as he attempted to stand up, D'Artagnan quickly catching him "Whoa, easy" the young nurse said, and his mentor flashed him a smile; Athos and Treville were about to ask their friend of his whereabouts when they noticed the two rings hanging from the chain he kept around his neck; it made them smile "Congrats, son" the Captain said, patting Porthos' shoulder "They're beautiful, brother, just like you two" Athos said, jokingly nudging his younger brother and making him chuckle slightly.

He nodded, moving closer to Aramis, who was leaning on D'Artagnan's shoulder, smiling softly "You're finally back" he said, hugging him and resting his head on his chest "I missed you" "I missed you too" the older man whispered, stroking his short hair gently "We'll leave you two alone, lovebirds"

The comment didn't came from D'Artagnan, nor from Athos, who was known for making fun of the two. It came from the Captain himself; obviously, it surprised them all, but it also made them chuckle. They followed him outside and, immediately after they were left alone, Porthos' nervousness returned; Aramis felt it and, in a gesture of reassurance, squeezed his hand "It's alright, I'll be fine" he said softly "But I understand it is not my health you want to talk about" the Agent snorted. He hadn't changed: still talking incomprehesibly. But Porthos had to admit he was right: he didn't want to talk about his conditions;

He sighed "Sharp as always, uh?" "It's part of my charm" Aramis said, laughing quietly. He had to admit that too; the medic was brilliant other than very empathetic "There's something I need to tell you" he had hoped his voice wouldn't shake like that but, here he was... he took a deep breath, trying to keep his hands from shaking. How the hell was he going to propose Aramis if he couldn't even calm down?

"I... I'm in love with someone" he began, not looking at that someone "He... he is the most sweet and caring person in the world, always ready to help others in every way and at all costs, even if that put him in danger" he stopped when he saw Aramis' amused expression "I highly doubt Athos is the man for you, my friend" Porthos stood speechless for a second before chuckling slightly "Yeah, yeah, whatever" he returned serious "It's not Athos I was talking about" he said, this time looking at Aramis in the eyes, though the medic wasn't looking at him, he had his eyes closed "I know" he just said, a soft smile on his relaxed face; Porthos felt like his chest was going to explode for how much love he felt.

He breathed out then knelt in front of the man he loved, the white gold ring in hand "Aramis" he said his name with love "Aramis, will you marry me?" the younger man opened his eyes and looked at the Agent, his vision not blurry anymore. He said only two simple words, two simple words that changed everything "I do" he gently let Porthos slid the ring on his ring finger, a smile full of love on his face. He admired it: it was beautiful, the gemstone divided in five gems of his favourites "It's beautiful, Porthos" he whispered; he saw his beloved nod, but he wasn't looking at him "Look at me, love. I want to see you" he knew he had taken him aback, because he immediately looked up, a both shocked and happy expression on his face "Y-you... you can see?" he asked, tears already streaming down his cheeks. Aramis nodded, laughing and kissing him "I can" his voice too was shaky, he couldn't believe he could see again. He couldn't believe he could see Porthos again.

Someone knocked, then his brothers and Treville entered, Marsac with them "Sorry to interrupt, but someone would like to speak with you, Aramis" the two older men didn't seem enthusiastic about letting a man who had left their brother behind, surrounded by dead soldiers "It's okay, don't worry" the field medic said, motioning to Marsac to come closer "I'll see you later, love" Porthos wasn't sure about leaving Aramis alone with him, but he knew the two needed to talk. He looked back at his beloved before following their brothers outside.

For a while they didn't spoke, tension between them. Marsac didn't know what to do or say, after all he had been the one who had left him alone on the battlefield; Aramis, on the other hand, though relieved to see his old friend still alive, hadn't forgotten the pain his desertion had caused him

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" he finally said, his voice hoarse, totally different from the one the medic remembered; yeah, it had really been a while "Yeah. I'm glad you came, I missed you" he had missed him very much, but he had moved on. He just hoped Marsac had too; he sat down on the bed, motioning to him to sit down as well "I know I wronged you, I hope you can forgive me" Marsac began; so he hadn't moved on. That was going to complicate things "I do forgive you, but we can't get back together" Aramis said, his right hand covering his dominant one "Why? I'm really sorry" Marsac said, and he really was "I moved on, you should do the same" he knew he was being harsh but he had said 'yes' to Porthos, he couldn't break his word; by the way, their had just been a fling, nothing serious

"I'm engaged, Marsac"

He finally said, looking at his old friend in the eye with seriousness as he raised his left hand so that Marsac could see his engagement ring. He knew it hurt, but it was over; he was going to get married, Marsac had to accept it; it actually surprised him when his old friend smiled fondly "I'm happy for you" did he mean it? "I do, Aramis" Marsac actually hugged him tightly "Can I come to the wedding? Please, it would mean so much to me. Pleaseeeee" the high-pitched 'please' made Aramis laugh outright until his ribs hurt "You can. Besides, I'll need a best man" he said, smiling at him "Thankyouthankyouthankyou" Marsac thanked him a thousand times, tears of joy streaming down his cheeks; he finally had the occasion to apologize to his former colleagues.

In that moment the others entered and saw Marsac hugging the medic. He immediately let go of him, apologizing "It's... it's not how it seems" he said; Aramis just flashed his known 'I-need-a-favour-and-you're-paying-for-it' smile at Treville and asked, innocently "We need tuxedos, can you take care of it?" "Actually" Porthos said, an 'I-know-something-you-don't-know-but-if-I-told-you-you'd-murder-me' smile on his face: he had bought a wedding dress, but not the one he had thought about. He had made that one personally "'Actually' what?" everyone (but Aramis) asked, worried. They knew that smile, and they knew that, when the Agent had it plastered on his face, whatever he was thinking about, it was not going to be a good idea "Wait here, I'll be right back" he left to get the dress, leaving the others to wonder what was going on.

Two minutes after (one minute and forty-eight seconds, actually) (s'tup you, it's my story) (uff, 'kay) (good. now, as I was saying...) two minutes after, Porthos returned with a beautiful black dress decorated with a stylized silver Celtic dragon on the back "What do you think?" he asked, smiling at his brothers. They didn't answer, too stunned by the beauty of the dress to even think: Porthos had really spared no expense for Aramis; said person was incredulous too, an enthusiastic smile on his face "It's... it's beautiful, love" was all he able to say, his voice shaky with emotion; he couldn't wait to try it on, but right now he was exausted.

Porthos noticed it and motioned to the others to leave; he fell asleep almost immediately, but his sleep was plagued by memories of his past.

Chapter Text

He was exausted but he had to make money, he had to help his family.

He knew that waking up everyday at 5 a.m. to slip into university to follow five courses and then work part-time in four different places was hard, but he would do everything for his mum, to save her. Ever since the terrible diagnosis of breast cancer, Aramis had began working even harder than before, not eating (not that there was something to eat) nor sleeping. He missed his father who, too, worked everyday to bring home some money; they would never see each other, and it hurt.

He finished washing the last car, sweat dripping from his brow "Good job, Aramis" his boss said, placing a 100₣ bill on his hand "I'm sorry I can't give you more" he apologized but, to the 13-years-old, that simple bill meant the world; it was the so called 'final piece' of the 'puzzle': he had saved enough, his mother was going to be fine; he nodded at the man, mouthing a silent 'Thank you, sir' before leaving.

He couldn't wait to get home and see his mum, he missed her so much; since he began working like that, he wasn't home anymore, he hadn't seen his parents in weeks; he hurried home and met his father, who was on his way too

"Dad!" he exclaimed, running to hug him "My son, what happened to you? You are all wet" "Dad, dad, look here! Look what I have" the man was stunned at the sight of the 100₣ bill his son was holding, tears in his eyes "I can save mum! She'll stay with us, she'll be fine. I have saved enough, the medic can help her now" Aramis' father couldn't believe it: his son had been working years to save his wife and mum, neglecting himself.

He didn't even looked like a 13-years-old, he looked much older: he was taller than M. d'Herblay remembered, he was much stronger and his eyes held a mature light just like his firm expression, his hands were calloused and full of scars like his arms, his skin had become harder than leather. Yet, there was childish kindness in those eyes, the only thing that hadn't changed despite his mother's illness

"Let's go home, René" his father said softly, taking his hand.

They arrived home, and Aramis' mother was there, waiting for them

"Adelyn" M. d'Herblay said, tears shimmering in his eyes; his wife hadn't been able to get up from her bed in months, and now she was there in front of him and their son. Was he dreaming?

"Mom!!" Aramis didn't seem to think the same. As he saw his mother, he ran to her, sobbing; she was paler and thinner than the previous day, getting out of bed and then downstairs, it had probably been a huge effort. But she was smiling. She was smiling as always, despite everything "Mom" "Hi sweetie" her voice was weak but soft as Aramis remembered it "Adelyn" her husband gently held her hand, tears streaming down his cheeks; he had missed her, and wasn't ready to lose her

"Mom, I can save you. I can save you" the boy said, sobbing while hugging Adelyn tight, his tears soaking her white night gown; she gently stroked his terribly unruly hair, smiling sadly yet softly: he couldn't, unfortunately. The cancer couldn't be removed anymore; maybe two years before something could have been done, but now...

"It's okay, René" she said, holding her son close "We're all together, that's all that matters for me" she wanted to spend what little time she had left with her family and nobody else. She gently rested her head on her husband's shoulder, who was still holding her hand "It's fine, Aurel, I'll always be with you" Adelyn whispered softly, kissing his cheek before taking their exausted boy in her arms and going to their room to tuck him in their bed. She placed a soft kiss on his forehead, the ghost of a smile appearing on Aramis' face; she and Aurel laid down next to him, hugging him like they never had.

They didn't want for that moment to end, never.

B ut all good things must come to an end.

It happened two days after they reunited, and it destroyed Aramis.

They were with Adelyn when her health suddendly worsened; she began coughing blood, Aramis could see it seeping from between her fingers "Mom?" he called, scared; his father squeezed his shoulder while he called an ambulance; Aramis didn't pay attention to what Aurel was saying to the paramedic, he just cared about his mother right now "Mom! Mom, look at me, mom! Mom, p lease" he shook her, sobbing.

It couldn't be happening, it couldn't be "Mom" "It's..." cough "It's okay, sweetie" she tried to smile but she was too weak and closed her eyes, making Aramis' heart skip a bit. He immediately shook her again, calling her over and over, endless tears streaming down his cheeks "Mom, mom! Mom, please, don't leave! Please, don't leave" he pleaded, holding her hand.

He had worked so hard to save his mother, it couldn't end like that, it couldn't; he hugged her, his head over her heart so that he could hear her heartbeat "I'm sorry" he whispered sadly "I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I promise you I will give all myself in order to save the others, I promise" Adelyn smiled softly, opening her eyes to look at her baby boy for what they both knew was the last time: they wanted to remember, because they were going to miss each other

"You'll make a great medic" she whispered softly "I'm proud of you, sweetie" she finally closed her eyes and exaled her last breath, but not before hearing what her boy said, kissing her cheek sadly "No, I am proud of you, mommy" he whispered back, closing his eyes too, the last thing he heard before falling asleep were his father's sobs and the paramedics' voices. He already missed her, but he knew she will always be with him.

He was never going to get used to that void.

Losing his mother had been hard, but losing his father too... it hurt; yeah, because Aurel had fallen ill, the hole in his heart had been too much. He had passed away a few days after his beloved wife, his last words too being 'I'm proud of you';

Aramis had personally dug their grave and had personally placed them into a double coffin lined with burgundy silk; he had dressed them elegantly, like when they had married, and had joined their hands, sadness in his eyes as he looked at them one last time before closing the coffin and burying them. He sighed as he laid down next to the newly made grave, his eyes closed "I'm glad I made you proud" he whispered, taking his time to get up and walk home.

No, not home.

That wasn't his home anymore.

It was a house now filled with sadness and emptyness, but he just couldn't move out because, even after everything that had happened, there were still good memories there;

Six years had gone by, he was nineteen now.

He kept going to university and working hard, never leaving his house, at least, not until he heard the Army needed men; though not knowing what kind of skills was needed, he still decided to join. Two days after, he showed up at the Army's HQ in a blue shirt and black trousers, a black jacket on his shoulder and a black tie around his neck

"Sirs" he greeted the three officers that were in the room, who stood from their chairs, one of them walked towards him and shook his hand "Come, have a seat, Monsieur..." "Aramis. Aramis D'Herblay" he thanked the officer before sitting down, his blue eyes looking at the three men in front of him and reading them: the two seniors seemed unfazed by his stare, but the younger one looked interested in talking, possibly wanting to conduct the interview.

He exchanged glances and, after receiving a nod, he spoke, introducing himself and his companions as Porthos, Athos, who was the team leader, and Treville, the Unit Commander "So, Aramis" he began, smiling at him "You have any major?" "Still workin' on that" was his anwer "Let's say my life isn't exactly all sunshine and rainbows" he heard a chuckle and instantly spun around to see who was laughing at him: it was a man on his twenties or so, not that Aramis cared. He was wearing his same clothes, more or less, (again, not that he cared), and a grin the future medic didn't like

"What's so funny?" he asked, coldly, and the man immediately stopped laughing and looked at him "When is life all sunshine and rainbows?" he was asked, and Aramis snorted: evidently, the man knew nothing about pain and sufference. The younger senior stood up and walked between Aramis and the man "Enough. Marsac, go back to work" so Marsac was his name. He glared at him and was glared back, but Porthos' hand on his shoulder made him look away;

He apologized for losing control, his life hadn't been easy and being mocked wasn't something he liked "Forgive me for I haven't been myself" Treville half smiled, now remembering why Aramis seemed so familiar to him "Not your fault, René" he said, confusing the three younger men, especially Aramis "I should have been there when your m other died, son. But I wasn't, and I'll never be able to forgive myself" "Y ou... you knew my parents?" the young medic asked, not understanding: his parents had never told him about the Unit Commander.

Treville, seeing the confused look on his nephew's face, smiled softly, and Aramis saw his mother's smile "She was my sister, which is one of the reasons I should have stayed instead of going to Iraq. I wasn't with her when..." "My father died too, a couple of days after mom. I've been alone on my own since then, for six, almost seven, years" he sighed, shaking his head "That's why I reacted in such a harsh way. It's my fault"

"No, it isn't"

Marsac's voice came from behind him, and he turned; he was leaning against the wall, again, an ashamed expression on his face "I shouldn't have made fun of your sentence" he said, truly ashamed of himself; he too hadn't had a nice life but he had money, while Aramis didn't seem to have much. He held out a hand " We got off to a rough start here. What about trying again?" Aramis smiled, shaking hands with what was going to be one of his closest brothers "I can give a shot" he said, glad to have found a family.

Chapter Text

After just a year and a half he and Marsac had become very close, but there was always something about Porthos that made him feel good. He had a close relationship with him and their team leader, and the two of them would always play pranks on the latter who, every time, would sigh in an exaggerated way and shake his head, smiling;

Treville, however, was another story: he had taken it upon himself to protect and take care of him, his eyes betraying his guilt, shame and sorrow even though he tried to hide it behind a strict façade. Another two years had gone by, and Aramis' wounds were starting to heal, slowly, but they were healing

"Hey 'Mis" it was Athos "Hello, Athos" he greeted back, smiling at his brother; he immediately noticed the grim look on his face "What is it? Something happened?" "There's Savoy in Treville's office" the team leader said, grimly; Aramis had heard about Savoy: he was a cruel person who didn't care about the others "What is he doing here? I thought he had been denied access here" "IA got in the way. Savoy has many friends there"

there was something more, Aramis knew it, and it had something to do with him; when he looked at him, Athos' expresson became even darker "He says he has a mission. Be careful, alright? Not Porthos nor me or Treville are enthusiastic about this" "Yeah. Which mean: come back alive" Porthos said, appearing from behind Aramis "or I will have Savoy's head myself" "We will have Savoy's head" Marsac added, putting a hand on Aramis' shoulder. They looked up to see Savoy leaving their Captain's office with a grin none of them liked; they could see anger in Treville's eyes "You four, my office. Now!" he barked, his gaze still following Savoy; the four immediately obeyed, Aramis the more concerned: after all, that was going to be his first mission

"So, Sir, what is this mission that bastard has?" Athos asked, trying to keep his voice even while, on the inside, he was boiling with rage. He was 99% sure Savoy had something in mind and, whatever it was, it was not good "He said he needs a team of twenty-two men, but he said nothing more. I don't know what he's up to but I know it's something bad" "Don't worry, I'll keep him safe" Treville nodded, squeezing his adopted son's hand; Aramis squeezed back. He could see the guilt and sadness resurface in his eyes and gently hugged him "I'll be fine, I promise"

What they didn't know is that they weren't going to be fine.

After being dismissed, they parted and went every man for himself. Aramis went for his 'special place' near the gate, under the tree; he immediately noticed that there was someone already, a young man around his age, with short blond hair and grey eyes, who was holding a small, silver locket, tears streaming down his cheeks. He approached him, concerned

"Hey" he said, sitting down next to him; the young man turned and blushed, immediately hiding the locket and drying his wet face "Oh, h-hi. I... I'm André" he introduced himself "René" he said, shaking André's hand "I saw you crying. Are you alright? Would you like to talk about whatever is bothering you?" André nodded, more tears threatening to fall "It's... it's my parents. They don't want me to marry my fiancée Audrey so, thirteen months ago, a week before our wedding, they shipped me off" Aramis winced in sympathy "Oh. Oh, I... I'm sorry, I didn't know"

André shook his head, putting his locket in the other man's hand. Aramis opened it and saw the photo of a beautiful young woman with red hair and green eyes wearing a blue and white blouse and a small ring on her finger "She's beautiful" the 'I know' coming from André was barely audible, and it made Aramis decide to hug him; when he began sobbing, the field medic felt his heart twinge "It's okay. It's okay, I'm here" André looked up at him "Promise me that, if I die, you will take my body back to her. Promise me, René" he squeezed his hand; he did not want the young man to die but, if it ever happened, he was going to keep his promise

"I promise you, my friend"

He gave André his locket back, the ghost of a smile appearing on both their faces; they heard the other soldiers approaching and André quickly pulled away "I... have another favour to ask you" "Anything, brother" he pulled out two letters and, with something that resembled sadness, he gave them to Aramis "The first one is for Audrey, while the second..." he interrupted himself and the medic understood: they were not his, so he didn't push further, only placed his hands over his brother's and squeezed them, and André understood. He smiled gratefully, and Aramis smiled back.

"Look how high we are! This is so cool" "We're not here to contemplate the landscape, Valentin. We're here on a mission" Valentin chuckled slightly, looking at his companion, an older soldier who had already been on mission. The man was not a talkative person, probably because of what he had seen "C'mon, Xavier, smile a little" Xavier remained impassible. Aramis glanced at them before his attention was caught by André, who was smiling at him; he nodded, smiling back at his brother

"Hey" "Mmh?" he turned towards Marsac, who was behind him "Are you hitting on him?" he just shrugged, looking out; what, was he jealous? They weren't even in a relationship, they were only close friends.

Savoy's voice made everybody turn, (and Aramis shiver. The bastard was up to something, and he didn't like not knowing what that something was) "This is just a training exercise, so don't fuck up. Understood, you pipsqueaks?" there were a few grunts but not a clear response, and that clearly annoyed Savoy "I said: UNDERSTOOD?!" "Yeah but, keep calm, bro" Valentin said, and everyone chuckled at Savoy's purple face, even Xavier.

Another few minutes passed, silence had befallen the boys while they got ready "Why so glum, 'Mis? Bad feeling?" he didn't answer, that awful feeling increasing at each move the plane made: something really, really bad was going to happen. It was making him sick.

They finally landed and camped two or three clicks away from the landing point "Get some sleep" Savoy ordered, and everyone obeyed; everyone but Aramis, that feeling was keeping him awake. Savoy was leading them into a trap, wasn't he? That was the reason behind his 'patrolling'. The medic tried to calm down: he was just being paranoic, after all that was his first mission, it was normal to be scared.

But no .

He was not being paranoic, and a noise coming from the trees around them confirmed his suspicions.

Someone was there, a few meters away from them; they were unharmed, not a match for however many enemies there were.

Trying his best not to be spotted, he shook Marsac awake "Mmh, what's goin' on, 'Mis?" the withering glance he received from the other man made him shut up, but it was too late: they had heard him.

The attack was something atrocious: they lashed out at the sleeping soldiers and slaughtered them with brutality in the sight of a horrified Aramis; after he recovered from the shock, he charged their assailants with his knife, injuring some of them and even managing to kill a few, being, however, wounded in turn;

He received a slash on the face, and was lucky to retreat before the dagger of the leader of the ambushers took out his right eye. Aramis retailed by slashing his back with cold fury, and they withdrew, leaving him and Marsac surrouded by the bodies of their brothers and their blood;

The medic was sure he lost consciousness because, when he opened his eyes again, it was morning. He got up on his elbows and called for Marsac, his head aching; when he touched his cheek he felt blood dripping from his fingers, and recalled what had happened the night before. He stood up, Marsac was among the deads; when he heard him moving, he turned, his eyes empty and full of shame and regret at once. Aramis took a step towards him but, hearing a strangled breath, he turned away and bleached: André was still alive! He rushed at him and began applying pressure on his wounds

"No, no, no, stay with me. Stay with me, André!" he exclaimed, taking his brother in his arms; what annoyed and scared him was the fact that he could barely see from his right side, which was limiting him a lot "Marsac, the first aid kit is in my saddlebag. Fetch it, hurry" Marsac didn't move, it was useless; he knew André was going to die, Aramis should leave him behind "Marsac" "There is no hope for him" he found himself saying, and he actually believed his words; seeing Aramis looking at him in such a shocked way, with his blue eyes wide with horror and disbelief, hurt, but he couldn't do aything to save André, it was over for him. He wanted to spare the medic the sight of the young man's death, that was why he was trying to convince Aramis to leave; he refused, his hands and face smeared with blood mixed with tears "You... you can't leave. You can't"

He held out a hand but Marsac didn't move to take it, instead he retreated "Marsac..." " I'm sorry" he left without looking back, leaving Aramis alone to tend to André, who was bleeding out fast.

T hat was when Aramis woke up, panting ang gasping for air. Someone was immediately by his side, someone the medic recognized as Marsac; he winced and retreated, his eyes darting between him and the rest of the room