Archive of Our Own ^beta

When BelialVamdemon had died and everything had faded and calmed, Daisuke was left with one thought: Talk to Ken.

Unfortunately, the moment they'd returned to the Real World, they'd been engulfed by parents and supporters and even some reporters, and Daisuke hadn't been able to talk to Ken before the Ichijoujis had rushed him off to Tamachi again.

And even Daisuke's parents wouldn't have allowed him to run off to Tamachi right after he'd almost died. After they'd all almost died.

He couldn't fall asleep when bedtime came.

Not because of BelialVamdemon or the adrenaline still rushing through his system. It was because his mind was racing, saying the same words over and over.

Talk to Ken. Talk to Ken. Talk to Ken.

Because under BelialVamdemon's Mind Illusion, Ken's visions had obviously been different than the others'. That was to be expected, of course. Ken had been through so much more than any of the others, been used and abused, manipulated and controlled, and even after all that, he still blamed himself for his actions as the Kaiser. His vision made that infinitely clear.

Daisuke didn't sleep that night.

He was up before the sun rose, and he got dressed and rushed out the door, a sleeping Chibimon in his arms. He took the same train he'd taken that first time he'd tried to convince Ken to join the Chosen and sat in the mostly empty train, tapping his foot anxiously, all the way to Tamachi Station.

When he arrived at Tamachi T.M. Mansion and climbed the stairs to the Ichijoujis' apartment, the sun was breaching the horizon.

Daisuke hesitated at the door.

He'd only been to Ken's apartment for the Christmas party, and he wasn't sure how pleased Ken would be to see him. But they were friends now—actual friends—and he refused to let that fade away just because they'd defeated the bad guy.

He'd known that for a long time. No matter what happened with the Digital World, he and Ken were a package deal. He wasn't letting Ken go.

Mrs. Ichijouji answered the door, dressed for the day but clutching a mug of steaming tea and still looking tired. "Daisuke-kun? What are you doing here, sweetie? And oh, look! Your little friend is so sweet."

A bright grin spread across his face without effort as Chibimon shifted in his arms, still completely unaware of its new surroundings. "Good morning! I was hoping I could talk to Ken. Is he up yet?"

She frowned but gestured him inside the apartment. "He's still asleep. We all had a late night last night," she said as he toed off his shoes and tucked his feet into the golden-yellow slippers the Ichijoujis preferred. "Did you sleep at all, dear?"

He sent her a sheepish smile, and she shook her head, a worried sigh slipping from her lips as she led the way toward the kitchen and living room.

"Have a seat," she said, nodding toward the table. "Have you eaten? I can cook you something, sweetie."

Daisuke swallowed down emotion and shook his head. "That's all right. I'm not hungry yet."

He'd only met Mrs. Ichijouji once officially, but she was so kind, so welcoming. Meanwhile, his own parents had barely noticed he'd spent way less time at the apartment since the start of fifth grade, since he became a Chosen Child. And really, they'd only put it together after they'd chased Oikawa into that dream world, when the older Chosen had gathered everyone together at their old campground.

"Actually…" He hesitated. "I just really need to talk to Ken. About something that happened yesterday. Would it be all right if I…?"

She considered him a moment before nodding. "You remember where his room is?"

Daisuke shifted, locating the door just off the living room, and said, "Thank you, Ichijouji-san. I really appreciate it."

Ken's bedroom was dark when he nudged the door open and closed it slowly behind himself. The curtains were drawn over the glass balcony doors, and Ken and Minomon were both asleep on the loft bed above.

He wetted his lips and crossed to the ladder, though he took a minute to gather his courage and climb up one-handed.

Ken always had a certain air about him, but he looked particularly serene while asleep, his sleek hair falling in his face. He was even more beautiful like this, more entrancing.

More distracting.

He did not come all this way to stare at Ken sleeping, no matter how pretty he was.

Daisuke deposited Chibimon, still half asleep, on the mattress near Minomon, who blinked open its eyes at the disturbance, and climbed up to sit on the edge of the bed, feet dangling over the edge and resting on the second rung. The Digimon slowly woke up, delighted at seeing each other, and he could only smile as the two friends became more and more energized—until they nearly bounced off the mattress in their excitement.

He had to stifle his laughter, unwilling to wake Ken just yet.

Because how could someone who looked so gentle and soft and kind—someone who was those things—have such persistent nightmares? Under an illusion that was supposed to show you what you wanted more than anything in the world, how could he envision that? How could he still want to end things? How could he still think of himself like that?

A soft moan came from Ken's lips, and he stretched out his long legs and extended one arm over his head, his oversize mint-green pajamas dangling around his narrow wrist.

Daisuke bit his lip, then reached out a trembling hand to tuck the loose strands of hair behind Ken's ear. The little sigh that followed blew over his forearm, prickling the hairs, and he pulled back.

"Hey, Ken?"

"Hmm?"

Daisuke laughed. "Wake up. I wanna talk to you."

Slowly, pretty blue-violet eyes fluttered open, taking him in, and then, all at once, he jolted upright, tugging the sheets close. "Motomiya…what are you doing here?"

He sighed.

For a minute there, he'd thought Ken had gotten over this whole Motomiya thing. Obviously not.

"We need to talk," he said, turning serious.

Ken cocked an eyebrow. "Oh?"

He was still waking up, but Daisuke couldn't wait. He'd waited all night, and he couldn't postpone this conversation any longer.

"Yeah," he breathed. "We need to talk about Vamdemon's Mind Illusion, about what you saw in there."

Ken's face went white, which was a difficult feat considering how pale he always was. "We don't have to…"

Daisuke shot him an exasperated look. "Ken, you still…" He tapped an anxious finger on his knee, trying to sort out his thoughts. "After everything we went through together, you still want to end things. We need to talk about that."

For a long moment, Ken didn't say anything; he didn't even look at him. He burrowed into his blankets and pressed against the wall behind him, trying to bury himself, to hide. "Daisuke…"

The word was a whisper, but Daisuke snapped around to look at him.

Ken worried his lip, wouldn't meet his eyes. "That vision was about getting rid of the Kaiser, about being free of that part of myself, about seeing Osamu-niisan again."

Daisuke scooted back against the wall beside him and hugged his knees to his chest. "But Ken, you can't see your brother unless you're dead too."

He took a deep, quivering breath. "Yes."

"Do you…do you still want to die? Do you really think that will make it better?"

"No," he said immediately, then hesitated. "And yes."

Daisuke slid his hand into Ken's, threading their fingers together, and squeezed so tight it hurt. "It's never going to happen."

"How can you be sure?" But Ken's lips twisted up into a small smile. "How are you always so sure?"

He grinned and leaned close enough to bump his head against Ken's, messy hair and all. "Because I won't let it happen. I'll always be here." He squeezed his hand again, then shifted to place his free hand over Ken's heart. "And I'll always be here."

Ken's pretty eyes widened in the morning light, and pink dusted his cheeks.

"I know you want it to be over," he added, studying his best friend's blush, "but this—defeating BelialVamdemon, saving the Digital World—is a beginning, not an ending. We defeated him, and now we get to keep living. You get to keep living."

"Even if I'm not sure I deserve to?" he asked in a small, trembling voice.

Suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, Daisuke licked his lips, his hand still over Ken's heart. "You don't have to be sure. Because I'm sure enough for the both of us." His eyes fell shut. "You deserve to live, Ken. You deserve to make peace with your past. You deserve to be happy, to be loved, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure you are, to make sure you feel happy and loved every day."

Soft lips, wet with silent tears, pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, but Ken pulled away before he could consider how to react. "Thank you."

Slowly, Daisuke's eyes blinked open.

Ken's face was still close, glistening with tears, now a bright red, and somehow, he looked more beautiful like that, features softened with happiness and a sweet kindness only Ken possessed. But embarrassment meant he couldn't meet Daisuke's eyes.

"Hey, Ken?"

"Yeah?"

Daisuke cracked a laugh. "Look at me, idiot."

Slowly, glistening blue-violet eyes turned back to meet his, and his blush deepened. "What?"

He took Ken's hand and smoothed the slender fingers over his own chest so they could both feel the gentle thump thump inside, hearts beating in sync. "This is a beginning," he said again, stretching his fingers over the green pajama top. "Everything starts from here."

Ken's pink lips, still damp from his tears but looking so lovely, curled up into a gentle smile.