Archive of Our Own ^beta

" What do you mean you're leaving?"

He slowed down his driving, drifting closer to the side of the road as he went. The song from the radio hardly mattered anymore, your favorite song falling into the background as your silence filled the air.

A gentle breeze slinked through the gap by the windows, caressing their fingers against your thigh - he could feel you shiver. 

" It means I'm leaving," You repeated.

Jackie snorted, " Why?"

The hurt in his voice gave way to shock, he had no time to conceal it - they tumble out of his lips, the same way his thoughts would whenever he's around you.

You curl a hand atop the steering wheel, " I'm leaving Jackie. Before you can leave me."

He almost hit the breaks, almost, if it wasn't for the car behind him. The cobalt impala swerved to the side, giving Wheeljack a honk he would have returned if it wasn't for the way your lips curl into a rueful smile. He had seen you frown, he had seen you cry - but he had never seen you force such kind of sympathy.

' I'm not going to leave you.' 

The words hung in the air, unspoken, yet not unheard. They were written in the way his side-view mirror reflected your eyes. You two stare at each other, for a moment, Wheeljack almost forgot to take a turn. The spell was broken and you were left to gaze at the moon as it follows you on your drive.

Wheeljack had once told you how much he hated lying. It was a sudden confession that took you off guard, nearly knocking your perception of him as a special ops agent. He had tossed the empty grenade shell aside, lowering himself to sit next to you.

You sipped on your wine while he drank his high grade, the grass sinking against your arms as you perched yourself dangerously close to his face.

You watch him recall his time as a wrecker. Wheeljack wasn't sentimental, nostalgic, yes - but never sentimental. But maybe it was the alcohol talking, but he had explained how lying goes against his moral code. 

" Oh, so you have a moral code?" You shoved his shoulder lightly, to which he retaliated with a lazy grin.

" Everyone has a moral code, sweet spark."

In the middle of all that hazy flirting, you manage to cling onto his words. After explaining that talking his way out of things and bending the truth doesn't qualify as lying, he indulged you.

Wheeljack didn't like to lie because he would get confused telling apart what's real and what's not. He hated that kind of deception, it makes fighting harder, it makes  leaving  harder.

Now, under the starless sky, all you can do is stare ahead at the empty road before you - and you can't help but think if what you shared was nothing but that. An empty promise, just like this drive - it will end with him ditching you without a word.

He seemed to have read your mind, tightening the seatbelt in what you could only guess as a comforting gesture - or perhaps a goodbye? You couldn't tell. You blinked away the stinging in your eyes, with Jackie, you can never tell - even if you thought you could.

You could see the base approaching in the distance and all of a sudden you can feel him. You can feel the coldness in his hands as they graze your arm, the wicked smile he gave between your legs, and the way his teeth would nip at your lips.

You gripped the steering wheel

" You can never stay in one place, Jackie. You always move from one thing to another, and sooner or later that'll be me."

Your expression was shrouded by the night, only visible under the passing streetlights. You sounded so helpless. As if the chill had washed away the warmth in your voice, you offer him a dry laugh. Wheeljack wanted something to fill the silence, the grinding of rubber against gravel just wasn't enough.

You stepped out of the car, closing the door before you. You start to notice how obnoxiously bright the lights were, and Optimus's conversation with Ratchet seems to be louder than it should be as you locked eyes with Wheeljack.

There was a polarity between you, a constant battle between push and pull. Most days you could tell, but tonight, your silence crawled under his skin.

" Where are you going?" He asked.

" West."

He nodded, " I heard it's sunny this time of the year. I'll visit."

You bit the inside of your cheek, looking down. There was something holding your tongue back, anchoring it against your jaws. This was something you never do, you have always been one for talking - but around Wheeljack, you could be worse than Smokescreen.

Yet, nothing seems to be going the way it should be when it comes to Wheeljack.

" You're not just another weekend getaway for me."

His whisper sounded so vulnerable, so  real . An emotion he had never given you because war doesn't allow him that, no matter how much he thinks he earned it, no matter how much you think he has earned it.

You were tempted to reach out for it, to hold out your hand, and cradle it right above your rib cages. His eyes were open, inviting - ironic considering how chillingly blue they were.

All you needed to do was reach out, yet you gave a half-hearted shrug.

" Yet you never stick around long enough to call it home."

You make a move to memorizing his face before turning around, leaving a trail of footsteps, slowed by the heaviness of your heart. You had greeted him with open arms. You gave him home, but the prospect of finally staying was too frightening for a mech who can't remember a time where he wasn't running.

" Where are you going?" You once asked, " What are you running from?"

It was never the final destination - it was always getting away from something. You didn't want to make him feel obligated, grounded, trapped. What can you offer a man who has been desperately searching for things to make him whole?

You waited, you hoped - even if you had reminded yourself not to, that he would do something. 

Stop you, call out for you, anything.

Yet you stood by the other end of the ground bridge, the portal closing in to reveal the orchestra of nocturnal animals. You listened to their lullaby, staring at the grass that had weeded out of the concrete by your driveway.

The flowers were wild, untamed and in full bloom - swaying against the wind.

Wheeljack didn't like to lie because he would get confused telling apart what's real and what's not. He hated that kind of deception, it makes fighting harder, it makes  leaving  harder.

That was the last time you saw him.