Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jimin ran down the airbridge, trying to catch up with the other members. Their latest tour had just ended, and as ARMY descended into post-concert depression, the BTS members were eager to catch up on their sleep.

Jimin had fallen asleep on the flight back to Seoul, making him be the last member off the plane. The others didn't miss this chance to tease him.

"Jimin Jimined today." Namjoon said to Hoseok who immediately cracked up.

Tae took pity on the mochi and decided to fall back to walk beside him. Jimin relished his company. No wonder they were best friends.

"Good sleep?" Tae asked.

Jimin smiled. "Yes."

Tae nodded, slinging his arm around Jimin's shoulders.

They were nearing the end of the privacy screen. Behind it, hundreds of fans waited to catch a glance of them. Jimin considered it to be a form of flattery that so many people came just to see them. They couldn't be all that beautiful right?

Tae slipped his arm off Jimin when they stepped out into public or else millions of fansites would crash from a Vmin overload.

Screams attacked their ears as people saw Jimin and Tae.

"Taehyung!"

"Jiminie!"

"Kim Taehyung, you're mine!" A sudden loud voice screamed too close for Jimin's comfort.

Suddenly, the mochi caught sight of her. Her arms were reaching out, only inches away from Tae's body. The second maknae hadn't noticed her yet because he was too busy looking at all the signs on the other side.

"Get your hands off of him!" Jimin yelled.

Tae turned around in confusion and she took her chance. Reaching closer to Tae's face, Jimin could hear his fellow 95 liner start gasping.

"I said, get your hands off of him!" Jimin yelled again. He tried to push her away but she pushed him back harder - into the other crowd.

Screams echoed from the crowd. Jimin looked around him in a panic and all he could see were people's legs and feet. He could distantly hear Tae's deep voice calling his name over and over.

Jimin tried to stand up, but somebody stepped on his arm. He heard a loud crack and his arm suddenly went numb.

"Jimin oppa!" Another fan spotted him. The mochi was terrified that she would also turn out to be a saesang, but to his great relief, she crouched down next to him and helped him get to his feet.

They were in the middle of the crowd. People mingled freely around them, some of them still screaming and waving BTS signs around. Jimin made sure to look down so none of the other fans would notice him.

"Jimin!" Taehyung's voice rang out from in front of them.

The mochi wanted to wave, somehow let his friend know that he was alive and well. But he knew that if he yelled for Taehyung, then another ten people would start yelling for him.

The fan that had helped him up had disappeared into the crowd somewhere. Jimin kept bumping into random people, shoulders hitting, arms brushing past. It didn't help that the mochi couldn't really move his arm at all. His arm was also swelling up badly.

Tae walked around in circles in alarm, desperately calling out Jimin's name over and over again. People were yelling and snapping photos too loudly for him to hear if the mochi was replying back to him or not. Up ahead, he could see the managers and other members turning around to look back at the scene he had caused. They started running back.

"Jimin!" Tae yelled again and again.

"Sorry..." the mochi mumbled under his breath as he walked into yet another person. He couldn't really think straight - his arm hurt too much. Well, someone had walked on it, wouldn't it hurt?

A loud camera flash made his eyelids flutter. He blinked, trying to get the white burst of light out of his vision.

"Jimin oppa!"

They had spotted him. Within seconds, fangirls surrounded him, some of them screaming, taking pictures and reaching out for him. One girl tried to touch his face and Jimin started panicking. He had no more personal space, and was able to feel all their sweaty bodies pressing against him. The claustrophobia was getting to him and before long, he started to feel faint.

Tae whirled around when he heard a bunch of screams and yells. He strained his eyes to look through the crowd. All he could see were fans, until he spotted hair in a very distinct shade of brown. It was Jimin.

He pushed through the crowd, people moving aside for him as he walked closer to where he had seen the mochi. The other members and their managers stood on the side, but there were already people starting to crowd them. What the members had done to deserve such clingy saesangs, Tae didn't know. Deep down in his heart, he hoped that not all their fans were like this.

"Jiminie!" Tae used a nickname for the mochi, concern overtaking him as he pushed past more people.

"Tae!"

The second maknae caught sight of Jimin's face for the first time, and he was taken aback by how scared the mochi looked. His small crescent-shaped eyes were filled with fear, silently begging Tae to come and save him from this crowd of screaming people who were only interested in touching him.

When Tae got himself close enough to grab Jimin, he grasped his arm and pulled him closer to himself. He didn't miss the way the mochi cried out, his face twisting in pain. With an arm around him, Tae managed to whip Jimin around and run back to the main waiting place in the middle. The mochi kept whimpering, but he ran faster than Tae. Jimin was terrified of getting touched again.

"Jimin!" Jin screamed over the throng of the crowd.

Security guards came running down the airport, but none of the members batted an eyelid. The guards were just a fraction to late. Namjoon looked angry and Yoongi had placed an arm around him to calm him down.

Tae used himself to shield Jimin from the crowd. The mochi was still shaking, tears starting to form in his eyes.

"Hey Chimmy, I got you. Don't worry." Tae whispered encouragingly as he led Jimin over to the other members. The security guards barricaded them from the crowd.

The mochi nodded. His eyes burned with tears. Strong stabs came from his right arm and he whimpered louder.

"Jimin!" Hoseok approached them with wide eyes. "Your arm!"

The mochi didn't reply and only brought his good arm to rest over his broken one protectively.

Sejin ruffled Jimin's hair and he stepped back in shock when the mochi flinched, his eyes widening in fear.

The members walked quickly through the airport to the arrivals hall. Their luggage were the only ones still at the belt, so they didn't have to wait very long. Yoongi wheeled the cart along to the waiting figure of Hobeum, who had come to pick them up.

"We need to take Jimin to the hospital. I think he broke his arm." Hoseok whispered to the manager.

Hobeum didn't look surprised, and nodded at both Jimin and Hoseok for reassurance. "Don't worry, everything's going to be alright. Jimin is going to be alright."

The mochi seemed to only trust Tae touching him, so the second maknae made sure he sat beside him. Tae cradled him during the whole car ride, only stopping to make sure that he wasn't hurting the mochi.

They arrived at the hospital fairly quickly and Jimin was taken from them all over again. It hurt all of them to see the mochi start wailing at the top of his lungs, but Jimin needed the treatment for his arm.

--------

Jin rushed to see the mochi after he stepped out, arm in cast. The only thing that the eldest could offer was a small smile and an one-sided hug that Jimin didn't reject. The panicked look in the mochi's face had faded, but the scars from it still remained. Jimin still was on high-alert.

"Jiminie, we're going home now, don't worry."

Jimin nodded. He caught Tae's gaze and smiled softly. The second maknae looked worried, but when Jimin smiled, he smiled back almost immediately.

"We're going home Chim! Race you to the car!"

The others watched as the two 95 liners sprinted out of the waiting room. Hoseok was the first to start giggling and soon all the others were laughing.

The two were already sitting in the car with Hobeum when the others sauntered over.

"I won!" Jimin bragged in a loud voice to Namjoon.

The leader raised his eyebrows but he looked sincerely happy. His eyes were sparkling.

Tae grinned mischievously. "That's only because I let you win."

"Yeah?" Jimin scrunched his nose cutely while waving his good arm in front of his face.

"But that's fine," Tae continued and Jimin looked at him in surprise. "You deserved to win today. And also because you always lose because you have short legs."

The mochi giggled and looked away.

But the others all knew that both of them were more flustered by each other than ever.

Chapter Text

Jimin had met Yoongi a few months earlier on Tumblr. They both had the same problem, so naturally they become friends. After agreeing to meet up at the local grocery store, the two had quickly become close friends. The younger of the two saw a lot of himself in Yoongi. The same height, the same obsession with their weight, along with many other things that Jimin wasn't comfortable sharing.

Fast forward to now. Yoongi was staring blankly at the TV at the front, eyes not looking at it, but rather straight through it.

"I shouldn't have eaten that chocolate bar."

Jimin shot him a sympathetic glance. They both knew what it was like to binge.

"It's too late to purge isn't it?"

"Hmm?" Jimin thought for a second. "Yeah, probably. It's been like three or four hours since you had it."

Yoongi groaned. "I can exercise it off though, don't you think?"

The other man nodded. "Probably yeah. Do you want to go together?"

Yoongi smiled a big toothy smile as he got to his feet. His legs looked skinnier these days as his eating disorder got worse. Jimin could only wish to have half the success that Yoongi had had.

Yoongi's room was in the same apartment. Jimin had offered him a spot to stay after the elder's parents had kicked him out following his diagnosis with an eating disorder. Both he and Jimin had relapsed anyway, so there wasn't any prospect of getting better for either of them.

They were forever going to be sticking toothbrushes in their throats and exercising 150 calories off.

The walls a baby blue, Yoongi's room had a small desk in the corner with a notepad on it. He had probably been writing lyrics again. Becoming a performer had always been a big dream for him, but with his extreme debts it wouldn't be an option. Likewise, Jimin had wanted to be a dancer, but he could barely afford to pay the rent for the apartment. Jimin and Yoongi worked together at a grocery store and shared their measly earnings.

"Crunches?"

Yoongi shook his head. "My head hurts too much to do those. How about some jumping jacks?"

"Sure."

Quiet thumps echoed from the room as they started doing their workout. Exhaustion and dizziness might have claimed them a while ago, but the calories had to be burned.

Jimin was so lost in his workout that he didn't notice Yoongi stumble and fall to the ground. Only when the elder groaned did he get the slightest warning that something was wrong.

"Yoongi!"

The mochi rushed to his side, helping him get to his feet. Yoongi swayed and his hands and arm were cold to the touch. His bright orange hair was brittle and starting to fall out. Yoongi...Jimin's best friend and maybe his only friend...was dying. And maybe both of them didn't realize that.

"I'm fine, Minnie." Yoongi smiled weakly, it faltering when he took a deep shaky breath.

"Did you...did you take your vitamins today?"

Yoongi sighed. "I must have forgotten." He blinked wearily trying to regain his strength.

"You need to be safe Yoongi hyung, you know? We need to stay together otherwise we'll be kicked out of this apartment and have no place to stay."

Those words must have had an effect on Yoongi, because he teared up. Small painful sobs racked his body as Jimin watched in shock. He could only stand there, as if frozen in time, as more and more tears fell down Yoongi's pale face.

"I'm sorry Jimin, I'm sorry for forgetting...really I am.."

The younger shook his head vehemently. He hadn't been trying to blame Yoongi in any way, but he seemed to be taking in that way.

"Don't cry...crying won't fix anything."

"It does bring-bring relief."

Jimin nodded quickly. "True."

Quietening down, Yoongi stared blankly at his desk. Whenever he got that look in his eyes, Jimin knew that he was thinking about his failed dream to make music. His lyrics were nice, but if only money was available.

"Jimin, don't you think..." Yoongi paused, shifting his eyes down to the floor. "...don't you think about fighting sometimes?"

"What do you mean?"

Turning to face the younger, Yoongi reached over to brush away a wisp of hair from Jimin's face. His small gummy smile contrasted with the clear tears on his cheeks.

"Come on Minnie, we've all had those moments where we lay awake at night and listen to our heartbeat slowing down...and we wonder if we're going to wake up in the morning. Why can't I just eat without feeling guilty?"

Jimin sheepishly grinned. "I have those moments too."

Yoongi's small eyes turned sad. He didn't want to see Jimin struggle the way he did. He heaved a sigh and pulled away from Jimin's grip. "Let's just continue."

With sweat dripping down from his forehead, Jimin started doing his jumping jacks. He felt lightheaded everytime his feet left the ground, but reality captured him when his feet hit the ground again. The cycle continued.

It continued like it did every single day. Jimin and Yoongi worked hard so every single calorie would be burned off.

--------

Counting calories had to be the other thing that Jimin did every single day. He checked the calorie amount of all the food he ate, no matter how small or healthy.

He learned how to do math quickly in his head. Adding this, subtracting this, all of it equaled the grand total at the end of the day. Everyday, it ended the same way, Jimin calculated it and it was too high for his liking. In the end, he spent time wondering how he would get rid of it all.

Jimin decided that this night be spent hunching over the toilet. As quietly as he could, he sneaked off to the bathroom. Yoongi had fallen asleep after coming back from his night shift.

No matter how many times Jimin did it, the pain always affected him. He didn't know what it was that bothered him the most at this point - the blinding stabs his throat gave him when the acid rose or the way his knuckles scratched and bled when he ripped his hand out of his mouth. But the pain grounded him, reminded him why he deserved this.

His worn-down teeth rubbed against the back of his hand, reopening the old scratches. Gagging, Jimin watched his dinner make a reappearance and relished the new emptiness that his soul filled with.

He doesn't just feel empty. He was empty. The feeling gnawed at him from the inside, starving Jimin of the bubbly personality he once had.

But this was the only life that he had. He never got to enjoy the other successes that other people got, such as graduating from college or getting a boyfriend or girlfriend, because all he got was an old apartment that he couldn't even afford.

Life was so fucking unfair. And Jimin had no control in it whatsoever. He couldn't just go and change anything.

He would always be Jimin, the boy with the failed dream to be a dancer. Now, he is destroying the one thing that would allow him to achieve his dream - his body.

But it's fine. After all, otherwise Jimin would lose the control that he so desperately needed in his life.

And in the end, it doesn't matter anyway. Jimin, after all, is just one boy with a failed dream. He is going to fade into history like everybody else.

Jimin pulls himself to his feet and stares at the mirror. His eyes glaze over, a single tear making its way down his face.

After all, he's just one boy with a stupid dream.

--------

Chapter Text

The cracked windowsill was a scene that Jimin saw every day. He couldn't remember a time when he didn't wake up to someone screaming or the skin on his wrists being rubbed raw against the cold ropes that tied him to a chair. He was a prisoner.

Distantly, he did remember a different life. A life where he was adored by millions of people and he was an idol and had six members who cared about him...that was such a long time ago though. Jimin wondered if they even remembered him.

He inhaled shakily. His raw wrists burned and he bit his lip to keep himself from crying out.

Jimin had learned the hard way what happened if you screamed, cried out or protested in any way. Twelve whips on his back later, he learned his lesson. He would never complain again.

But he did want to. He wanted to see what went on outside the cracked windowsill, how the cool breeze felt on your skin or how the sun warmed your clothes. He wanted to laugh until his stomach hurt and hear people talk to him, to actually talk not to just bark orders at him. It was strange how Jimin missed the things that most people took for granted.

He missed a lot here. At the beginning, Jimin remembered he used to cry so much thinking about how he was going to escape and when the members were going to come and save him. Now he knew the truth. They were never coming back for him. They had definitely forgotten about him.

Did the fans forget about him too? They used to wave huge signs with his signature and face on it. Were those signs lying in a dump somewhere just like Jimin himself was?

Such thoughts used to plague Jimin on a regular basis. Now they didn't anymore. He had lost all sense of time and each new day meant nothing except the rising and setting of the sun for him. He didn't even get to see the sun properly - just a sliver of light through a crack in the curtains. Jimin had forgotten how to feel anything.

Even if the members came now, they would be disappointed if they saw the man that Jimin had become. He no longer knew how to make witty jokes, his voice was no longer stable and his body didn't have the energy to dance anymore.
He was no longer Jimin, but a shell of his former self.

The door opened with a clang, making him shudder. One rotten apple was thrown in - his only food for the day. Jimin couldn't reach it with his small feet. Guess there was no food for him today after all.

There was a time, back when he was an idol, when he dieted. The BTS Jimin diet they called it. One meal every ten days. Jimin wanted to be more "sexy" for the fans, but after passing out in the studio he learned his lesson. He regretted that more than anything - after all, he learned what it was like to not eat now. There was nothing "sexy" about it, because it was just pain. And pain just rips you apart and destroys you until they're is nothing left.

Or maybe, just maybe, Jimin was going to get to eat today. Miracles do happen.

-------

"Hey, Jimin? Chimmy wake up!"

His eyes blinked open. Jimin found it harder and harder to stay awake these days. He knew why - his body was slowly preparing to die. One day his heart would stop beating completely and he go limp in that chair of his.

"Jimin, can you hear me?" The same voice asked.

His face an ashen gray, the said man stared at the person in front of him. The symmetrical face, the uneven eyelids, Jimin had seen it somewhere but they were lost in the maze of his thoughts.

The man crouched down to be at eye level with Jimin. "We are going to get you out of here now."

Jimin opened his mouth. His voice sounded weak and scratchy to his ears, but he managed to get the words out, "Who-who are you?"

The other man's smile faltered. "Don't you-don't you recognize me? I'm Taehyung!"

Tae...? It couldn't be...

"We need to get out of here quickly!"

One by one, Jimin saw the others step through the door. Jin, Yoongi, Namjoon, Jungkook and Hoseok were all there. He could make out police officers behind them.

Was he safe? Or was he just leaving this dangerous world to enter yet another?

--------

"Jimin hyung?"

An unfamiliar person waved in front of him. Jimin still couldn't tell them apart that easily. It must have been because he hadn't been around anybody for so long. He had remembered their names and personalities, but their faces had faded in his memories. This one had large teeth and cute friendly-looking eyes.

He must have seen the confusion in Jimin's eyes, because he clarified, "I'm Jungkook, your Kookie, remember?"

The elder shook his head. He didn't remember calling anybody that, but maybe once upon a time he did.

"Did you miss me hyung?"

The question was direct. Jimin sat there hearing the clock tick by, but he didn't know what to say. He decided to say the most honest answer he could think of.

"To tell the truth, I didn't anymore. I-I gave up hope about you guys ever coming back for me, so I tried to not think about you. At the beginning, I cried for you all in my sleep...but that only got me whipped. But then you did come...and you know, that changed my perspective by a lot."

Jungkook didn't flinch by the somewhat harsh answer. He stepped closer to Jimin and held his good hand, the one not attached to the IV line. The hospital had hooked him up to too many machines anyway.

"Hyung, you know we never stopped loving you right?"

Jimin sniffed, "Then why did you leave me to die there for so long? I had given up hope-"

Eyes widening, Jungkook tried to calm his best to calm the older singer down, "It took the, you know, police time to track and catch the kidnappers. Don't get the wrong clue hyung, we were looking for you the whole time..."

Jimin sighed softly. He looked away from the maknae to look out the window.

He let his thoughts to collect for a second until he said, "I guess now that you found me, you can kick me out of Bangtan now. After all, I don't even remember how to sing and dancing is out of the question."

Jungkook gasped. His shock was evident to Jimin even without looking at his face.

"No, hyung," his voice shook like a leaf. "No, it's 7 or nothing. I don't care if it takes us ten years to recover but when BTS comes back, we will come all together."

When Jimin made no reply, Jungkook got up to walk over to where he was facing. The look on his face was blank, emotionless. He stared right through the maknae as if he was made of thin glass.

Jungkook had never seen that gaze in Jimin's eyes. Had he changed in more ways than the maknae had originally thought? Jimin was no longer the cheerful angelic Jimin who giggled and showered Jungkook with love - even when he was a brat.
Now it was the maknae's turn to shower Jimin with love because otherwise they would lose the mochi forever.

"BTS wasn't BTS without you and BTS will never be BTS without you."

---------

Chapter Text

There was a thing about time that was true for everybody. Happy times flew by quickly and sad times dragged on and on. Jimin didn't know how it worked even though he had spent a long time thinking about it.

He tried to not focus on it anymore. Wasn't he supposed to be happy now? He was with the members again. It had happened too quickly for Jimin to process and he wondered if he was living in some hyper-realistic dream. Maybe the members were going to hurt him.

But for now, they were treating him with the utmost kindness. They were attentive to his every need. But he didn't miss the heartbroken glints in their eyes when they said some joke and Jimin didn't laugh. So these days, Jimin tried to crack a smile.

The truth was, he was no longer Jimin. He heard nothing, saw nothing, just lived in an empty world filled with nothing. He was tied to his old mentality, and the rope wouldn't come undone no matter how much he cried.

Somewhere deep inside of him, the real Jimin lived. But he was a prisoner. He was still tied to that chair, maybe not physically but mentally yes.

"Jimin?" Yoongi asked gently, breaking Jimin from the chain of his thoughts. The rapper sat on the edge of the bed to be on eye level with the younger singer. "Are you ready to come home with us?"

"Home?"

"Yeah, the dorms. It's where we all live. You'll like it better than the hospital here." Underneath Yoongi's soft voice was a layer of concern. He gazed serenely at Jimin's puffy eyes and his frail body on the bed. So much... so much had been destroyed.

But they would save him. Yoongi wouldn't give up. He knew what it was like to live on the narrow ledge between life and death, and he wouldn't allow Jimin to stay there. He would save him. He would be Jimin's Anpanman.

"How do you know that I'll like it better there?" Jimin asked. His voice was emotionless.

Yoongi squeezed his hand, careful not to touch his bandaged wrists. "I'm sure you will Jiminie, just listen to your hyung."

--------

Jimin had never seen the dorm before. The members had moved out of their old one a long time ago.

The new one was much bigger, and they no longer had roommates. Everybody had their own room, each decorated in their own tastes. The members had even set up one of the rooms for Jimin, filled with all of his clothes and things. A new bed stood in the place of Jimin's old one. The covers were patterned with little Chimmy figures, Jimin remembered making that character right before... everything happened. Everything was so different. Everything had changed.

It felt like Jimin had stayed still while the entire world had continued spinning around him. He had gotten nothing done while the others had worked hard.

"Jimin, here's some clothes," Hoseok said. He held some extra small clothes in his hands. Jimin had lost weight and regular-sized clothes didn't fit him anymore. "You can wear these."

He didn't want to wear them. He wanted to be normal again. He wanted to be able to sing and dance again. He wanted the fans to chant his name. He wanted his members to be able to tease him without feeling bad. He wanted so much... and yet, he did have so much. He was lucky to have been rescued from that hell, most people were murdered and were never heard from again.

Jimin was so damn ungrateful that it hurt.

Hoseok kept his hand extended, waiting for Jimin to take the clothes from him. What he wasn't expecting was the mochi, yes Hoseok still called him that, to put his head in his hands and start weeping.

"What happened Jiminie?" the dancer said. He didn't know what to say, or what even had happened. Did he do something wrong?

--------

"Stop!" Jimin screamed. "I don't want to sit in that chair! I'm going to call the police-"

A big hand clamped over his mouth, preventing him from speaking. He fell backwards. Jimin tried to scream, resist in any way, but he knew that he was too weak. His abs didn't provide the strength that he needed.  He was dragged away to a smaller room.

Jimin realized that this room was soundproof. He could scream as much as he wanted, but the only sounds he would hear were his own screams echoing back.

The whip went down on his back. Jimin felt the skin on his back rip, blood trickling down...down onto the dark floor. He cried silently, tears similarly dropping to the dark floor. He had been told to not make any noise. Otherwise he would get more whips.

"Stop...please, it hurts..." Jimin whispered under his breath. He couldn't help it, he needed an outlet for the pain to go.

Cold air sifted in through the narrow slit which was supposed to be a window. His back stung. The whipping stopped.

"Get up."

Jimin couldn't really move without hurting his back, but he didn't want to get yelled at again - or worse whipped. He obediently sat up, feeling his back rip open even more as he did so.

The singer stared at the torn clothing in front of him. Large jagged holes ripped it into shreds. He could see lice crawling in it, and he shuddered. Bile rose up his throat, threatening to come out of his mouth. It looked so disgusting that Jimin had to close his eyes.

Those weren't clothes. They were a fucking death sentence. Who knew what kind of diseases the lice were carrying?

"You can wear these." the signature lip curled, and the man smiled a heart-shaped smile.

It was unmistakable really. That man was Jung Hoseok.

--------

Jimin screamed. Hoseok was going to hurt him. There was surely lice in those clothes. He could almost see them, the white dots swarming through the fabric, his eyes becoming hypnotized by their colour.

"Jimin? What's wrong?" Hoseok asked. He didn't look threatening anymore. A look of confusion and concern danced in his face as he stared at Jimin. The only thought that crossed his mind was: did he do something wrong?

"Don't touch me, there's-there's lice in those clothes. You're trying to trick me, you're going to kidnap me again.-"

"Hold up." Hoseok put the clothes on the ground and held up his arms. "I'm a dancer, not a kidnapper. I would never kidnap anybody." his eyes softened as he gazed at the man in front of him. "I know it's hard, Jiminie, but we would never hurt you. Please try and trust us. And I promise, I washed these clothes yesterday, they have no lice in them. They're nice and clean." Hoseok had no clue what to do, and he didn't if this was right or not, but he wrapped his arms around Jimin's frail shivering body. The mochi was cold even though it was quite hot outside.

Jimin flinched, trying to push Hoseok away. But the dancer was much stronger than him and he was forced to stay within his grip.

Hoseok was so scared. He could feel Jimin fidgeting in his hold, and he didn't understand why the mochi hated him so much. He tried to show how much he cared about him, so why the fear? Had he done something wrong?

Eventually Jimin relaxed in his grip, making Hoseok calm down as well. The mochi was shaking. The first sob wasn't that loud, but they quickly rose in volume and pretty soon, Jimin was wailing into Hoseok's chest.

The dancer kept his grip tightly on Jimin's body as the other cried. Hoseok would never let go.

He had never let go before and he wouldn't do it now.

"It's going to be hard Jimin, but you'll get better."

---------

Chapter Text

The worst thing was the nightmares. Jimin couldn't breathe when they started. Everything was so lifelike and realistic - it was like he was reliving every single one of his experiences all over again.

He knew the others meant well. They would come running to comfort him. It was usually Hoseok, who had the unfortunate fate of being his roommate. But all the attention made Jimin uncomfortable. It reminded him of the lack of attention that he'd gotten for the whatever time span he'd been absent from his own life.

He just felt bad. He wanted to disappear. Everyone was so obviously happy to have him back, but he couldn't share that enjoyment anymore. He was forever changed as a person. And it was awful really, because everyone wanted him to be the same. Nobody said anything, but he could tell. He could see the subtle traces of disappointment when he didn't react the way they wanted him too. They were so patient.

Jimin just wanted to cry.

So he did. He just had to be very quiet.

------

It was the middle of the night. By all accounts, he was fast asleep. But Jimin found himself to be wide awake. Hoseok was sprawled on his bed across the room, effortlessly doing exactly Jimin wanted to do. Sleeping.

The ceiling stretched out in front of him. He could see the outlines of their faces on it. Jimin winced. There. He could feel the faint sting of a whip on his back. Ghosts forever. His injuries had healed a long time ago. Other than some random aches and pains that would always be there, he was as recovered as he would ever be.

But he was so broken. And though the others had forced him to go to therapy, nothing had really resolved. He didn't want to relive anything.

The first tears welled up in his eyes. This was what he was always going to be subjected to - the same thoughts over and over again. He was running in circles at this point.

With more effort than usual, Jimim rolled over until he was curled up on his side. That way, nobody could hear him.

He let the tears flow freely. He wasn't even sad anymore. Just blank. But crying made him feel like his thoughts were validated. Then people could see and tell that he wasn't okay. Crying always elicited pity.

Jimin didn't really know who he was trying to prove anything to. The members never doubted him about anything.

They always gave him as much time as he needed. The issue was him. It always had been.

-------

"Jimin?"

Hoseok's voice coaxed him out of his tear-filled stupor. He scrambled up into a sitting position.

"What is it?"

Hoseok was standing at the edge of his bed, eternal worry in his eyes. Jimin had no idea how much he left to give.

"Hyung, I just don't know anymore," Jimin managed to mumble out. "I'm just so tired."

"Me too."

For a moment, Jimin wondered if Hoseok meant they were all tired of him. But that definitely wasn't the case because Hoseok came to sit next to him right after.

"Is it still a shock to be here again?" he asked carefully.

Jimin shrugged. Truthfully, he'd tried his best to forget the entire kidnapping scenario. The torture and violence, yeah, all he had left was the scars. All the memories had been blocked.

"I will say, Jimin. I don't expect things to be the same again."

He meant him. Jimin nodded. He appreciated that.

"It's just... I don't know how to help, and seeing you upset breaks my heart. Does talking about it help?"

Jimin fought the urge to shrug again. That wasn't going to help. He decided to unscrew his mouth and talk.

"Not... really? I don't have much to say."

"Are you comfortable here?"

"Sure."

Hoseok's voice was soft. It sounded like it was blending into the night. And with how reflective his questions were, it just sounded like an extension of Jimin's mind. A more rational version, almost.

"What do you think would be able to help you? A doctor? Us? Your family?"

That was a hefty question to ask. Jimin didn't know how to answer that. He didn't know what would help. He didn't really know what he needed. What would be required to make him feel better? He didn't know what feeling normal even was. Maybe if the constant memories stopped attacking, he could blend back in with the normal population again.

"Just be patient with me, I guess," he said eventually.

"Yes, of course. That's a given."

"Thank you."

"Just a question." Hoseok turned towards him, his face a serious mask. "Have any of us been impatient with you before?"

Jimin shrugged. No, they had always been so careful around him. He didn't really have a reason to complain. He didn't even know what else the others could do. They had exhausted all the avenues of help.

"No, I don't think so."

Hoseok sagged in relief.

"Is there anything I could do?" he asked.

Jimin's mouth worked before his mind could. "Stay with me this night."

--------

There was a moment that night when reality seemed to stop. With Hoseok's arm around his shoulders, it was easy to believe that it was someone else's arm. Someone not so gentle. Someone not so nice.

Jimin shivered in his grip. He tried reasoning with his mind. No, it wasn't that person, it was Hoseok, his sweet, lovable Hoseok who he could always trust. He looked around his room. It was his room. He was always safe here. But when he'd been taken, the room that he was at was also nicely decorated.

Hoseok's arm turned into a weapon. Jimin squeezed his eyes shut and fought against the barrage of sensations that reminded him of the past. No. No. He was safe now. Nobody would hurt him. Right? Right?

His hands curled into fists. He was shaking.

"Gosh."

"Jimin."

"Jimin, you have to look at me."

"Jimin, stay with me."

"Stay with me, Jimin. Stay with me."

"You have to get someone. This isn't normal."

"Jimin."

The words were grinding into one another.

-------

Jimin didn't seem to be understanding anything around him anymore. There was a weird dazed look in his eyes that made Hoseok want to rip his hair out. He knew there must be some way to help Jimin out, but he couldn't figure out the correct option.

Next to him, Jin was having similar thoughts.

But if there was one thing that Jin managed to get clear, it was the fact that Jimin needed professional help. It didn't matter that it hadn't worked out in the past. They needed to try again. For Jimin's sake. For their sake.

"Where should we go?" Jin asked.

"Huh?"

"Hoseok, he's still struggling. It was a huge thing for him, he can't just get over it."

"I know." Hoseok's eyes were filled with tears. "I know."

"He can't sleep at night, he can't get out of bed, he has horrible nightmares... these aren't things we can fix by ourselves. Love can be a huge support, but it isn't a cure."

Hoseok nodded.

"So, what I'm suggesting is... we look into more things and figure out what really works for him and what doesn't."

That idea was a bit confusing for Hoseok to wrap his mind around. Surely Jimin would know what would work best for him, right? It made him feel uneasy to step in and make decisions for Jimin. Maybe he was just afraid of admitting that he was unsure.

"Are you with me?" Jin asked.

Hoseok nodded. "But what can we do? It's not like I can, or any of us, really know what will be right for him. We tried getting him to see someone for a while, but that didn't work. Well, it did, but it wasn't as helpful as it could've been. That's as much information I got out of him."

"Do you think he'd talk to us?"

"What?"

"Do you think Jimin would talk to us if we tried to ask what would work?"

"He's so unsure, I don't think he has the answers," Hoseok said. The truth was, Jimin had told him some stuff, but the majority of what he struggled with was hard for Hoseok to comprehend. Was it PTSD? He'd heard that term somewhere online before. Jimin probably had that. His previous counselor had said that.

But... Hoseok didn't know to help out with that.

"Do you agree that he needs professional help?" Jin asked.

"Of course."

Jin reached out and put his hand on Hoseok's back. "I think the best course of action is for us to sit down with Jimin and help him figure out what he needs. You're right, we don't know what he needs, and neither does he. So, we need to work together."

Hoseok still had so many questions in his mind, but he trusted what Jin was saying. At least he sounded more confident than he felt.

"Sure, okay."

Jin gave him a small, sad smile.

"I know it sucks. It really does. We'll figure it out, though. We have Jimin's back."

That Hoseok was sure about. He nodded enthusiastically.

-------

Gosh, Jimin really didn't know what to say. He could only stare at Hoseok and Jin's concerned faces and feel bad about how he was making them all worry.

"What do you think would help you?" Jin asked. His voice was eternally patient, but Jimin could hear the edges of tension.

"I don't know," Jimin said carefully.

"What would make you feel better? Or, I guess I should be asking you... uh, what exactly is bothering you?" Hoseok asked.

"Just be patient with me, I guess," Jimin said, echoing his statement from earlier.

Hoseok sighed. He exchanged a look with Jin, who he knew was thinking the same thing. There was very little to go off of. If Jimin wasn't able to answer their questions, how were they supposed to help him?

"Do you want to go in and talk to someone about stuff?" Jin asked. "They might be able to help-"

"But it didn't help, did it?"

"No, but there is a chance that they might be able to."

Jimin shook his head. It was nice that the others still tried to look out for him, but he truly believed that his mind would never know peace again.

"Hyung, I don't think it's going to work," Jimin said. And he didn't know why, but the words just started to tumble out of him. "You know, I think I just won't be the same as before. Maybe talking to someone will help me sort out my thoughts, but I just can't forget anything that happened back there. What is my way forward?"

Jin took a deep breath. "Look, Jimin, what happened to you was messed up. It is stupid to expect that you'll be the same as you were back then. But we just want you to be happy and relaxed. Hoseok told me that you can't sleep at night. Now, that isn't good for your health, and that needs to be addressed, doesn't it? I'm not asking you to be the same as before, whatever that means. I just want you to be able to go through your life without struggling."

Jimin couldn't come up with an answer for that. For a moment, he tried to imagine it. Sleeping properly, no more nightmares, no more flashbacks, that sounded like a dream. It was crazy to think that's how his life used to be like.

"Fine," he mumbled. "I'll admit it. I need help."

"We'll get you some," Hoseok said. Jin agreed.

--------

Looking back, Jimin had to admit, it was supposed to be a gamble. Cycling between different therapists was a nightmare, but he finally managed to find one who he could actually talk to.

Surprisingly, it actually helped. Talking about it, without being scared of traumatizing someone, helped him organize his thoughts and rationalize his fears.

He was also given medication. Though the (mild) side effects sucked ass, Jimin gradually found himself being less and less bothered by them. Slowly but surely, he started noticing that he was able to swim out of the dark trap he'd been forced into.

He knew that he'd always have to be fighting this battle. Therapy and medication would always have to be at his side. But if there was anything that he'd learned from the others, it was that as long as he made an effort and tried to prioritize his own health, it was enough.

Jimin had the others to thank for that. And for his life.

--------

Chapter Text

It was one of those lazy days, as Jimin liked to call it. Practice had been called off because their choreographer had fallen ill, and they had all taken opportunity to rest up.

But now the sleep was long gone from their eyes. The members of BTS were busy watching a movie, but not all of them were watching it. More than half of them were on their phones.

Jimin felt like eating so he walked into the kitchen. The refridgerator didn't have the snack that he wanted, frustrating him. After a while of snooping around, Jimin decided to go get some. The store was just around the corner anyway.

"I'm going out!" he yelled. Hoseok yelled back an "okay!", the others too engrossed in their activities to answer.

Their shoes were on a rack by the front door. Hoseok had taken the initiative to buy it because, being the clean freak he is, he had been bothered by the others just throwing their shoes by the front. Jimin had to admit that he had stopped tripping in this place ever since Hoseok had enforced the rule of placing shoes properly.

Slipping his shoes on his feet, Jimin opened the front door.

And that's when he felt it. The temporary shock as somebody sank a knife into his side. Then the pain flooded him, making him collapse.

"Help!" Jimin screamed. He wondered if anybody even heard him over the TV.

He put his hands on his side in an effort to stop himself from bleeding. The blood ran quickly between his fingers, leaking out of his wound. Jimin was in trouble.

The people who had stabbed him had stepped past him into the house. That's when he realized he was in the middle of an armed robbery.

But there wasn't really anything he could do. His side was on fire, the flames turning blue every time the pain flared up. Jimin could feel his consciousness slipping away.

He couldn't let what happened to him happen to the other members. Using all the air he could get, Jimin screamed.

The mochi might've imagined it, but he thought he heard somebody yell his name before the world faded black.

---------

Hoseok could hear somebody screaming, but it wasn't all that loud, and truth be told he was more interested in watching try not to laugh challenges on his phone.

But then he could hear a loud shout that sounded like Jimin. He sprang to his feet. Hoseok thought that maybe the mochi had tripped over something.

Two people with knives were standing near the front door, taking something and looking through their personal belongings. Hoseok felt weak to his knees. He couldn't do this alone. Jimin had probably been hurt by them.

"Guys!" the dancer spoke in the smallest voice he could. The others looked up at him with a bored expression. He would have to make this quick. "There are robbers in our house at the front and Jimin is hurt, I don't know what exactly happened, but he was screaming."

"What?" Jungkook gasped. The colour drained from his face. His hands started shaking.

"We have to save Jiminie," Jin said as he stood up. He was trying to act calm but Hoseok could tell that by the way his voice shook, he was freaking out just the same.

Yoongi grabbed a flower vase just in case, it was the closest object he could find. He could fight with his bare hands if he needed to anyway.

Taehyung hung back to call the police and an ambulance for Jimin. After all even if the mochi didn't need it, it was better to be safe than sorry.

"Get out of here!" A yell from Yoongi jolted Taehyung out of his thoughts. The rapper swung the vase at one of the intruders.

Jungkook stepped into the fight, blocking his line of sight. Tae got up. He couldn't let his friends just get hurt in front of him and expect himself to just sit there. His heart beat faster.

Yoongi was hurt. Tae could see him bleeding through his arm.

But the rapper had done his job. One of the intruders was down on the ground, Hoseok kicking the other one down as well, the knife long knocked from their hands.

"Jimin!" Jin yelled. The eldest ran past them all to sit beside the said man. "Oh lord, is he dead?"

"No, he can't be. The paramedics are almost here." Namjoon mumbled. He settled beside Jin, reaching out to hold Jimin's already cold hand.

Jimin was laying in a pool of blood. His crescent-shaped eyes were closed, faint tear tracks visible from them. His skin was pale bluish and quite frankly, the mochi didn't look like he was alive. His wound was still leaking blood, staining his clothes and the floor a crimson red.

"Wake up Jiminie, please, please just open your eyes at least! Please..." Jin suddenly burst into loud sobs, hands shaking. He buried his head in his hands, trying his best to hide his emotions.

"Hey-hey hyung, it's okay... Minnie will be okay," Namjoon tried to hug the eldest but Jin sprang out of his reach. The eldest's legs were shaking and his eyes were wider than plates as he continuously gasped at Jimin's still body. The thought hadn't occurred to him before, but now that Namjoon saw him, it was clear what was wrong with Jin. He was having a panic attack.

The leader had to say something.

Taehyung ran forward and grabbed Jin's hand, but the eldest pulled away, screaming.

Namjoon put his hands on Jimin's wound and pressed it tight. He wasn't going to let the mochi lose any more blood. He didn't know how much blood Jimin had lost already, but it looked like a lot.

"Jiminie, promise me that you'll be alright." the leader mumbled.

---------

The stitches pulled at Jimin's side as his vision slowly cleared. Very carefully, he took his arm and tried to touch his side. The pain nearly made him scream. He had never felt pain on this level before. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe.

A loud scream elicited from his throat. He was going to die.

Somebody please save me. I can't focus anymore.

Jimin tried to focus his attention on the wall opposite him. He wanted to scream. Instead he took a deep breath and counted to ten. The pain didn't lessen.

It must hurt a lot to die.

"Count properly! 1...2...3...ahh!"

Jimin was screaming more than counting. He couldn't focus.

"Painkillers!" somebody else said. Their calm voice was something that Jimin envied. He wished his brain could stop focusing on the pain. He didn't dare to try and look at his wound.

His own vocal chords strained with the screaming he managed to produce. The pain blinded him, dumping acid into his already visionless eyes. The stitches were probably coming undone with all his jostling.

His relief came in the form of a needle that injected painkillers into his upper arm. Jimin's body relaxed. He stopped fidgeting, counting, doing anything at all. He just completely froze up.

Eyes rolling quickly back into his head, the mochi passed out again, back into the world of nothing where he couldn't see or feel. The pain died down, almost to a quiet eerie whisper.

Jimin smiled a faint smile. He must have fallen into a nice dream.

One lazy day turned into a painful one. What else was new?

---------

It was strange seeing the normally energetic Jimin laying still and unmoving on the bed. The place where the bedsheets came in contact with his wound were still bloody, even though his side had been stitched.

Jin ran forward to gently kiss Jimin's pale arm, whispering sweet words to the mochi the whole time.

Jimin heard nothing. He was lost in a mountain valley, cut off from the outside world, unable to see or feel.

--------

Chapter Text

Motherfucking hell. That's how Yoongi would describe it. Seeing Jimin in so much pain hurt him deeply. It had been two weeks already since he had been stabbed, but he was still under heavy painkillers. Of course, all the members tried to soothe him, running their hands through his sweaty hair, telling him funny stories or trying to make him laugh.

But their efforts were in vain. Jimin was almost always in excruciating pain.

He couldn't sleep at night without waking up in hot flashes, couldn't eat without feeling a stinging pain at his side, he couldn't do anything properly. Even though the grogginess and exhaustion bothered him, Jimin preferred being knocked out with the painkillers. They gave him relief.

---------

Jimin's eyes were open. He was blinking.

Yoongi smiled gently at him. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm uncomfortable, but I'm alright," Jimin said.

The two were alone in the mochi's room. The others were at their schedules, yes the company still made them practice, and Yoongi had been the only one free. He had immediately chose to go and visit Jimin in his lonely hospital room.

"Do you want to go for a little walk?" the rapper asked. "It's been a while since you went somewhere."

"Just around the room then." Jimin nodded. "And if anything happens, you can help me out."

Yoongi agreed hastily. At the back of his mind, he felt a little nervous. Jimin could still be under the influence of heavy painkillers, which would make him prone to collapsing. The rapper needs to be careful, alert enough to call for help if anything goes wrong.

Jimin's cool hand touched his. Yoongi gripped it tight. Slowly, the mochi swung his left leg over the edge of the bed. Yoongi put his arm around his shoulders. He waited for Jimin to get the energy to pull himself off the bed. The mochi moved his other leg, but when he tried to turn his body around, he screamed out loud.

"What-what happened?"

Jimin shook his head, just giving out where he was, leg still dangling over the edge. His face turned pale, his mouth twisted into a pained expression.

"Jimin? What happened?" Yoongi asked again. His heart sped up. The mochi didn't look okay.

"My side..."

"What? Your side hurts?"

Jimin started to tear up. He was stuck in this position. His side hurt everytime he exhaled, hot fire touching the area. Yoongi's constant worrying wasn't helping.

The rapper took a deep breath. "Do you want me to help you lay down properly again? Maybe it won't hurt as much then."

Yoongi didn't wait for an answer. He put his hands on Jimin's left leg and helped raise it back on to the bed. The mochi's shoulders shook when Yoongi touched them to rotate his body straight. Jimin presses his eyes shut. The small tears rolling down his face reveal the amount he is in.

When Jimin was finally positioned on the bed properly again, he bursted into another round of tears. His chest heaved as he started to cry heavily. The more he moved, the more his side hurt. Yoongi couldn't do anything except stroke his face.

The mochi gasped suddenly. He squeezed his eyes shut, and finally, in a choked teary tone, said, "You need to call somebody Yoongi, it's getting worse."

"Oh..." the rapper obeyed. He pressed the button to alert the staff.

"I'm going to die..."

"Don't say that Jimin, please, don't say that."

----------

Jin was sitting next to Yoongi. His expression was unreadable. The eldest was glancing at the rapper, but received no acknowledge from the latter. The other members were either on their phones or staring into the distance.

For Yoongi, two things kept playing in his memory: Jimin's crying face and the way his tiny hands reached out for him when he was wheeled away by the nurses. And the fact that all of Jimin's pain was caused by Yoongi asking him if he wanted to go on a walk plagued him. He hadn't wanted to cause the mochi any pain, he could never want that.

His eyes teared up and he put his head into his hands. His shoulders shook as he sobbed into his hands. He was the worst hyung ever.

"Yoongi." It was Jin. "You know that none of this was your fault."

"You could never want something like this to happen to Jimin. You had good intentions, you tried to cheer him up! That itself was a good thing!" Namjoon said.

Jungkook hadn't said a whole word all this while. He had been lost in his own world ever since they entered the hospital. Now he finally talked. "Jiminie hyung is fine, Yoongi hyung. Who knows, maybe the doctors are finally going to figure out what was wrong with hyung this time. Don't always think the worst outcome Yoongi hyungie."

"You see?" Jin exclaimed. "Kook is making more sense than you, Yoongi. It's okay to be scared, but there's no need to be so harsh to yourself."

Yoongi's tears kept falling when he raised his head. "He-he told me that he was going to die!"

His cries got muffled when Jin wrapped his arms around the rapper. Jin patted his back awkwardly.

"Now..." the eldest started. "I'm sure J-Min is fine, the staff will help him feel better." But now, his voice didn't sound so confident anymore.

----------

While the others were sorrowing in the hallways and waiting rooms, Jimin was well into his journey for recovery. After a few initial scans and procedures, the staff had figured out what had gone wrong for the mochi for so long. His appendix had been severed when he had gotten stabbed. Though it had been stitched at the time, the wounds had leaked. That explained the pain.

He was rushed into surgery. After this, everything was going to be alright. Jimin was going to finally recover.

---------

His eyes adjusted to the dark when he opened them. The room he was in wasn't well-lit, probably for his pwn comfort.

Jimin was in a ward by the looks of it. The surgery was over.

He pressed on his side, surprised when there was no pain. Of course, things might worsen in the coming future but Jimin was thankful for this painless moment. 

"Hyung?" A soft voice said next to him.

"Kook?" Jimin's own hoarse voice replied.

The mochi heard somebody shuffle around and then there was a loud creak as somebody sat down in a chair next to him. Then a warm hand touched his own.

"Are you okay? Hyung?" Jungkook asked.

A little giggle came from Jimin's throat. It felt strange to laugh after all that had happened today. He had escaped from the depths of hell.

"Go to sleep you two," Namjoon said from somewhere in the room. Jimin couldn't see anything.

Loud footsteps came closer to his bedside. Jimin felt his hair being ruffled affectionately. It was definitely Namjoon.

"You're going to be all better soon Jimin."

The mochi pictured Namjoon's smile when he said those words, dimples fully on display. They could all be happier again.

"We should sleep." Jungkook stroked Jimin's arm.

"Yeah."

The three friends fell asleep together. Jimin got some proper shuteye after a long time and with Jungkook and Namjoon in the same room as him, he felt secure. Nobody was going to be able to hurt him here.

---------

Namjoon was right. Jimin's recovery was quick. His side healed in less than three weeks. With the others by his side (pun intended), he was back on his feet in time for the next month.

The others helped him a lot. Jimin would never forget how kind the others were to him.

And for Yoongi, it was a job well done. Thanks to the rapper, Jimin got to recover before it was too late. Yoongi effectively saved his life.

Now the real struggle lay: Jimin had developed post-traumatic stress disorder and was terrified of being alone. He practically clung to the others whenever they went anywhere in public. Just the mention of saesangs was enough to trigger him. He was scared of anybody getting too close to him and potentially hurting him. He had to stay out of many interviews and shows because of his newfound anxiety.

But he was working hard to get better from this as well. Yoongi was helping him, taking him to a therapist and being supportive.

Jimin would get better. It would take some time but he would heal. One day, a thought about a knife wouldn't make him get scared anymore.

Chapter Text

The sun streamed through the window, heating up the inside of the dorm to be hotter than a furnace. It was a perfect time for their air conditioner to stop working.

Jin and Hoseok had taken nearly fourteen showers already. They kept going in and out in desperation to get some relief from the cold water.

Yoongi had hooked up a small portable fan next to him as he tried to work on some songs on laptop, but it was clear that he wasn't getting any work done. He was too busy wiping his sweat and sighing.

The others were gulping down all the ice cream they had in the house, something that Jungkook had suggested. Taehyung had also suggested that they all curl up into the refridgerator but Jimin had managed to convince him that wasn't possible.

The whole air felt muggy and hot. Every time Jimin tried to breathe, the stuffy air entered his lungs, leaving him winded and exhausted. His shirt was soaked in sweat. His limbs felt too heavy for him to move properly.

"It's so hot!" Tae commented as he licked another ice cream cone.

"I think we can already see that," Namjoon replied. He threw out the packaging of a cone and sat down again awkwardly. "Damn, I'm too tired to eat now."

Jimin nodded. "Can you put my one back in the refridgerator? I'm tired of eating now."

Namjoon grimaced at the thought of standing up, but he grabbed the tip of Jimin's ice cream and stuffed it into a container to put back in the cold. Only Jungkook and Tae were still eating. They didn't show any sign of slowing down any time soon.

"How about you shower?" Hoseok suggested. His hair was wet. "Jin hyung is in again. He said he's not feeling well, so he has to keep himself cool, I don't know."

Yoongi raised his eyebrows as he closed his laptop. He pulled his fan closer to him to relish its cool air. His hair blew in different directions as the air hit his face. Jimin was kind of jealous.

"What do you mean he's not feeling well?" Jungkook asked. He didn't notice how some of the cream rolled down his wrist painting chocolate lines on his arm.

Hoseok shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe he feels dizzy or something."

"You flipping idiot, he could collapse in there or something!" Yoongi yelled. He waved the fan in front of his face.

"Relax, there's cold water pouring on his head. There's no way he can faint in that."

Jungkook sighed but didn't say anything else to Hoseok. Instead, he started giggling when he saw the ice cream on his arm. His eyes lit up as his bunny teeth started to show up. "Look at what happened hyung!"

Yoongi had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "That happens quite regularly to you."

Jimin didn't really participate in the conversation because he was busy debating whether he should take a shower or not. Hoseok did look more refreshed than the others. The mochi did want to feel refreshed. Truth be told, he felt a little sick right now, the heat must be getting through to him. He would've given anything for a cool breeze or some cold bottled water. Unfortunately there was none.

Just as he was about to stand up and announce that he was going to take a shower, Jin stumbled into the room. The eldest had clearly just gotten out of the shower - his hair was wet and there were large patches of water on his shirt.

Jimin could see that something was wrong. The eldest's eyes were unfocused and blurry. He looked dizzy, about to fall over at any moment. Jungkook gasped. Something was wrong with Jin. Running over to him, Jimin pushed him onto the couch to lie down. Jin kept gasping and shaking. 

"Mmmm hot... too hot..." he groaned. He closed his eyes. A pained expression appeared on his face. 

Yoongi shot to his feet immediately. He picked up the fan he had kept beside himself and dragged it next to Jin. The eldest was breathing quickly, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He looked like he was going to faint. 

"What is happening? Is he alright?" Hoseok asked with worry in his voice. He joined the others who were crowding around the eldest. 

"Give him room, give him room," Jimin said. The others moved so he could sit beside the eldest. When he touched Jin's cheek, the eldest cried out louder. The grimace that twisted its way onto Jin's face clearly showed that he was uncomfortable. 

Yoongi adjusted the fan so the air fell directly on top of Jin's face. The draft started blowing his hair in different directions, but his eyes remained closed. Jimin moved his hair out of his face. Hopefully that would cool Jin down a bit. 

"See, this is why I told you to keep an eye on him, what if he fainted in the shower or something?" Yoongi snapped to nobody in particular. "This is also why I tell you not to take a hundred showers."

"Hey." Hoseok nudged him. "I don't recall you ever saying that."

Jimin tuned out the bickering and instead tried to comfort Jin who was squirming around, clearly still uncomfortable. 

"Hyung, what's wrong? Just tell me."

Jin shook his head, his eyes wide and filled with fear. "It's too-too hot..."

Jimin shook his head as he ran his fingers through Jin's sweaty wet hair. His whole attention was on Jin now, he had completely forgotten about his own shower. The air was still muggy and hot but now he tried his best to ignore it. Jin obviously needed more help than himself. 

The other members gathered around Jin. Their faces were lined with worry. Namjoon kept his phone next to him in case an ambulance was needed. With this weather, heatstroke could come on quickly. 

The eldest didn't seem to be aware of anything going on around him. He kept his eyes shut tightly, groaning every now and then.

Jimin sat beside him. He was too tired to do anything else.

--------

A few hours had gone by. Jin was now fast asleep. He had turned onto his side and his soft snores sounded relaxed. Yoongi had kept the fan next to him still. The others were still sitting around, either on their phones or asleep themselves.

It was around now that Jimin started feeling hot. He had been feeling hot the entire day, but right now, he felt the overwhelming sense of warmth. The kind of warmth were he felt panicked and scared, there wasn't any way for him to cool down. He kind of wanted the fan to be angled towards him, but he knew that Jin was worse off than him so he didn't dare say anything. Jimin tried taking some deep breaths. It didn't really work. The air was too muggy for him to take refreshing breaths. The ice cream from earlier was swirling around in his stomach, threatening to come out. He shouldn't have had that much. 

"Hey Jiminie, you alright?" Namjoon asked softly. "Your face is a bit red." 

"Ye-yeah," the mochi said. 

Jimin shook his head. His head throbbed in protest. Bringing his fingertips up to his forehead, he brushed them across his forehead. It is hot and dry. 

"Jimin?" Hoseok looked worried. 

The mochi looked straight up at the two '94 liners. "I'm fine." 

But he wasn't so sure. His stomach hurt like hell. He felt really uncomfortable. The heat was stifling and he felt like crying. 

"Jimin?"

"Jimin!"

Jimin leaned over, his breath starting to shallow. He couldn't breathe. Everything was closing up. He wrapped his arms around his midsection and  began to throw up. His dry skin felt like it was tearing apart. He tried not to focus on the others who were fretting. 

Hoseok was beside him in an instant. He pulled Jimin away from his own vomit and felt his forehead. The dancer screamed. 

"How bad is it?" Namjoon screeched from the other side of the room. "Should I get a thermometer?"

"Yes, definitely!" 

Hoseok tried to pull Jimin into his lap but the younger pushed him away. 

"It's too hot."

The dancer sighed. Jimin's face was bright red, and his chest was going up and down quickly as he tried to breathe. His eyes were wide. Hoseok could hear Jimin's heart thumping as it raced along to keep up with his rapid breathing.

"Namjoon!" Hoseok said loudly in relief when the leader finally appeared with the thermometer.

Jimin's temperature was high - more than 41°C. With every passing second, he got more and more restless. His hands shook, his mouth twitched, but most of all, he started trying to push all the members away from him. By this point, all of them had woken up, except Jin, and were quite worried.

Namjoon didn't really feel anything when Jimin tried to shove him other than a weak touch. The mochi was shaking, his dry skin getting more and more red by the minute.

"I'm going to call an ambulance," Taehyung said.

"Hyung, the blinds..." the rest of Jimin's words were muffled up, in a complete jumble. Nothing he said after that made any sense.

"He's fainting!" Hoseok screamed. Immediately, Yoongi and Jungkook stood up to look, and their faces fell.

Jimin's eyes rolled to the back of his head, but his eyes remained open. The whole sight was very creepy to see. His hands continued to shake.

"I think the ambulance is here."

----------

It took a few days, but Jimin drastically improved in a few days. When he was taken to the hospital, his temperature had reached near fatal levels and he had had several seizures. He had been immediately wrapped in a cooling blanket in the emergency room. Hoseok remembered holding his hand as Jimin shivered from the sudden advent of cold that reached his body. His teeth chattered.

Of course, shivering isn't effective if you have heat stroke because it resists the cold, so Jimin was given some medications to stop shivering. Taehyung and Hoseok stayed with him as the cooling blanket did its job, and slowly Jimin's temperature returned to normal levels.

The air conditioner was fixed the following week. That same week, Jimin returned from the hospital, coming back to a nice cool dorms where he didn't have to dump cold water on his head to stay comfortable. Jin had also recovered so it was an enjoyable reunion for the members.

That is, until DeniskaTen decided to put Jimin through more torture in the next chapter.

---------

Chapter Text

Jimin, after many weeks of being ARMY-deprived, was finally getting to do something that he loved: make something for his beloved fans. All last night, he couldn't sleep at all. He was sure his roommate, Hoseok, couldn't sleep at all because of how loud Jimin was.

Today they were filming their Christmas Special for their fans. They had made plans to make this year's celebration much more simple than last years. Before they had had big floats and winter sports and all other kinds of fancy equipment, this year they had decided to use simple handheld cameras to film themselves walking and talking in a small park near their dorms. It had been Yoongi's idea. It had taken some time to convince the Bighit staff and their managers to let them carry out such an idea. They were scared that there might be delusional fans running around in the park, but Namjoon quickly convinced them that he would take care of it if anything happened.

As Jimin slipped his heavy winter jacket on, he grinned. He had sort of lost touch with being funny and entertaining in front of the camera, but this time there was no stress. There were no frustrated camera operaters scowling angrily when they didn't get a shot right, there weren't fancy things that Jimin had no clue how to use and best of all, he didn't have to go off a script and act like he was told to. He could just be himself, Park Jimin himself.

There weren't enough cameras for all of them to have one for themselves, so they decided to team up. Hoseok, Yoongi and Taehyung made up the biggest group. Namjoon and Jin were together and that left Jimin and Jungkook to be each other's partner.

They started off all together in the main entryway of the park. Jungkook turned his camera on, followed by Hoseok, then Jin.

"Hi ARMY!" Namjoon squealed. The others did similar greetings, some of them waving, some of them making finger hearts and in Jungkook's case, making fun of how small Jimin's hand was.

They talked for a bit, explaining to the cameras what they were going to do. Jimin didn't really say anything. He couldn't put into words how excited he was, but he hoped his smile was enough to protray his emotions.

---------

Jungkook and Jimin had picked to walk along a small path away from the others. It had been the maknae's idea. He demanded that they turn this show into some kind of competition. Jimin was on board with that idea even though he knew he was going to lose. That was his fate in most of the games he played against the other members.

"What are we exactly going to do?" Jimin asked.

Jungkook shrugged. "I don't really know. Let's keep going and when we see something, we can go over there."

"What if we don't see anything?"

The maknae started to giggle. "We will see something, I'm sure. And if not, we can just have a race down this path."

Jimin shook his head.

Jungkook's giggling increased to laughter. His bunny teeth showed up as the cheeky grin painted itself on his face. Seeing his expression, Jimin started laughing as well. They both sat down on the ground, leaning on each other as they both heaved from laughter.

"You just want to prove to ARMY that you're the best don't you?" Jimin poked the maknae's shoulder.

"No... it's not my fault I'm good at running, you just need to practice. I practiced a lot when I was younger so-"

Jimin rolled his eyes. "Then actually have a competition in something that you're bad at and I'm good at."

With a sparkly look in his eyes, Jungkook looked up at Jimin. "Does anything like that exist?"

"You-" Jimin slapped the maknae's back with his gloved hand. He took a deep breath. "Actually, something like that does exist."

"Oh really?" Jungkook was laughing hard, showing his pearly white teeth.

"Yeah," Jimin said. "I'm good at being cute."

The maknae shook his head. He started to pick himself up, dusting the snow off his lap. He didn't reply to Jimin's statement.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Jimin asked, standing up as well.

Jungkook sighed in mock annoyance. He turned to look back at Jimin.

"You... hyung.... you are famous for being cute behind the scenes and deadly on stage. That's like your trademark sign. That's not something I could win, you would be the one to win and-"

"I want to be the one to win for once." Jimin patted Jungkook's back. "It's okay not to win sometimes, you have to give other people chances at winning."

"You know I'm kidding right?" Jungkook asked. He was smiling again. "You don't have to give me a whole lecture about the meaning of life."

Jimin laughed. He closed his eyes and fell against the maknae's frame, letting out small giggles and snorts.

"Jimin..."

Jungkook patted the mochi's back. "You're doing good at being cute. I can't wait until I win our race."

"No!"

"Then I guess we have to keep walking until we see something that we can do that is easy for you to do well," Jungkook exclaimed.

With a nod, Jimin detached himself from Jungkook. He steeled his expression. He had to be serious now. There was a whole fandom he had to entertain.

They resumed walking. Jungkook held the camera and walked in front.

Jimin knew he was going to lose, but he wanted to do something for ARMY.

-----------

They had been walking for a few minutes when they finally saw a pond a few metres away. It was covered in what appeared to be thick ice. A misty haze surrounded the whole area. It was the perfect place where Jungkook could assert his dominance in physical activity.

Together, they walked to the edge of the pond. The ice seemed to be sturdy enough to support them. It wasn't long till Jungkook came up with another plan.

"Let's race each other to the other side of the pond!" Jungkook yelled. He didn't wait for Jimin to reply, running onto the ice without any hesitation.

"Wait, I thought you said-" Jimin didn't finish his sentence - Jungkook had already ran quite a few metres away from him already. If he wanted to win this race, he needed to put some effort in.

He ran out onto the ice. It was quite slippery. How Jungkook never fell when he was running was a question Jimin would never know the answer to. The mochi's foot moved in a direction he wasn't expecting and he fell onto the ice. Jungkook had moved further away; there really was no hope for Jimin to win this race, but he was determined to try. He got back up.

There wasn't any more time to waste. Jimin, moving his legs as fast as he could, heard his footsteps thump harder and harder on the frozen ground.

Jungkook was getting further and further. Jimin was running harder and harder. The mochi was running so quickly that the world around him seemed to be trying to catch up to him.

There was a point when Jimin felt he couldn't run any further. He started to slow down. His footsteps became heavier and louder.

He took a few more steps. Jimin was planning on taking a little break after this. All that running had worn him out. But before he could even move any extra, his foot gave way. The ice cracked. He didn't feel it initially, but the feeling of freezing water hit him quickly and mercilessly. It was like a thousand knives stabbing into him simultaneously, a thousand bears biting him and trying to injure him.

Jimin managed to screech out Jungkook's name before his head slipped under the surface.

Underneath the water, it was a different story. The shock of the cold water started making Jimin panic. He flailed his arms, trying to go up to the surface, but like a wounded bat all he managed to do was pull him down further. The water bit into his face, his neck and body. All the winter gear that he had on was no longer keeping him warm. They were dragging him down.

He tried to kick his legs, but they were too numb. Jimin's body screamed out for oxygen, burning in pain but somehow also freezing. His whole body was an oxymoron in real life.

I'm going to die down here, Jimin suddenly thought. The thought illuminated itself in his hazy mind. He repeated it over and over again like a broken radio. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

Jimin could still see the sun through from the top. Somewhere out there was Jungkook, happily running away, thinking he was winning a dumb race. The mochi's limbs were getting increasingly numb; he couldn't move them, he couldn't feel them anymore. This is what it felt like to die in freezing water.

But before he could take his final breath, a black object blocked his view of the sun. There was a quick moment when the sun reappeared but then the black jacket was moving. Someone was moving it. Jimin summoned all the strength he had left in his right arm, grabbing the black thing and clinging onto it. He couldn't tell what it was - he thought it might be some kind of eel - but at this point, Jimin was desperate.

Jungkook lay flat on his stomach on the ice. He had taken his jacket off and was holding it to the middle of the pool. He was willing to dive into the water to save Jimin if the mochi didn't surface. The air hitting his back was cold, but nothing was colder than the shock running along Jungkook's whole body. He felt numb too - with shock.

A hand gripped onto the jacket and the maknae's heart flipped. He felt his eyes start tearing up when he saw Jimin's small hands gripping onto the jacket. Jungkook had never been so relieved to see them. He reached over to grab Jimin's hands and with all his strength, pulled the jacket.

"Hold on hyung!" the maknae screamed, even though he knew Jimin probably couldn't hear him.

Jimin felt a strong grip start pulling him upwards. He wondered if this is what it felt like to die and go to heaven. He was probably being pulled by an angel.

Then his hands reached the surface, followed by his whole face. Jimin gasped. Air burst into his lungs. A strong arm wrapped itself around his shoulders and lifted his legs out of the water, rolling him onto his side by the edge. Jimin sighed contentedly. His feet had the familiar biting feeling in them, and all he could do was lay down.

"Hyung, you need to get to somewhere warm," the maknae murmured. He crawled over to Jimin's limp figure. The cold water had soaked through the mochi's clothes, leaving him shaking and shivering. Jungkook decided to drape his own jacket around Jimin. The sleeve was a bit wet, but other than that, it was pretty dry.

"Can you walk Jiminie?"

The mochi only groaned. Jungkook wondered if it was safe to just stand up and carry Jimin to the main meeting spot. There was a risk that he might fall in too, but he decided to ignore it. Jimin obviously needed help.

"Come on hyung."

Jungkook slid his hands underneath Jimin's body and shakily got to his feet. There was a cracking sound, but thankfully he didn't fall. The maknae turned around and started running for the mainland. The mochi shivered in his hold, laying in his arms weakly.

"You're okay Jimin hyung, I have you."

Jimin hummed something. He tried to touch Jungkook's chin but ended up miserably failing. His eyes slowly closed after that.

Jungkook, who had reached the mainland, ran faster. This was a race he needed to win.

-----------

Namjoon had suggested Jimin be taken to a hospital immediately, but Jimin himself said no. They had had to call their manager who came by to take them back to their dorms. Jungkook was still holding Jimin in his arms when they stepped into the car.

After a long warm bath and a few warm drinks - mainly hot chocolate - Jimin started feeling better. Sandwiched between Jungkook and Hoseok's loving hugs, he finally felt at peace. The events of today were still running through his mind. He couldn't have been far from death.

And today he was lucky he had Jungkook, his angel, who managed to save him.

---------

Chapter Text

The practices got to him after a while. Jimin knew that overexerting himself once in a while was alright but doing it regularly was just asking to get sick and hurt. His chronic muscle pain had started because of this. But no matter how much people told him to take it easy, he just couldn't. He would forget and go hard on himself again, telling himself that he had to improve his vocals or his dance and then he would get sick again.

He was sinking back into that routine again.

For the past few weeks he had worked himself until he collapsed and now, only now, was when he started feeling the effects. His moves were sluggish and he barely had any energy at practices. Maybe the others had noticed, maybe they hadn't, whatever the case, they hadn't said anything to him so maybe they hadn't seen anything. Jimin wouldn't be surprised if they hadn't. They were all exhausted.

The alarm rang. Jimin sprang up from his bed.

His hair was all soaked with sweat and even though he had had a good amount of sleep, somehow he still felt like he hadn't slept at all. Jimin rubbed his eyes and headed to the bathroom to freshen himself up.

His reflection was unflattering to say the least. His face was flushed and his bangs were plastered all over his forehead. Dark circles lined his eyes and Jimin didn't want to admit it, but his face was puffy and he looked like he had gained weight. He hoped that he wasn't getting sick.

The toothpaste tasted bland in his mouth. So did the breakfast that Jungkook had made.

The others asked if Jimin was feeling alright and he nodded and told them that he was fine.

So they had noticed after all.

--------

Jimin's breathing was wheezy. He tried to catch his breath, the others doing the same around him. They had just finished a long dance sequence. It was exhausting.

"Okay, you guys can go get some water!"

Jungkook sighed happily and staggered towards his water bottle in the corner. He pressed the bottle to his lips, cool water hitting his tongue and making him feel a lot better.

Jimin, Namjoon and Yoongi's bags were placed on a small shelf apart from the others. Ever since winter had begun, everybody had started putting their boots and jackets right by the door as well. Eventually, it got to a point where it was difficult to open the door because there was so many items blocking it.

They generally weren't allowed to put their bags on the floor, in case somebody ended up tripping over it. So Hoseok had dragged an unused bookshelf over from his studio and every practice, three of them put their things there.

Yoongi had already taken his water bottle out and was looking at his phone while sipping it.

Jimin's bag was right beside his. The lights flashed too brightly in the mochi's eyes. His legs wobbled. He grabbed onto his bag, trying his best to unzip it. The slider was stuck. He tugged on it. Jimin's head was spinning. He pulled on the slider harder.

His legs crumpled. For a second, Jimin was scared that he would get hurt but he heard a jarring loud voice and figured that somebody would know what was going on.

"Jimin?"

Namjoon spun around, dropping his sweater on the floor. Jimin was holding onto the shelf tightly, his knuckles a faint white. The leader strode up to grab his shoulders.

Just as he did, Jimin's legs gave way and he slumped backwards into Namjoon's arms. His eyes rolled into his head and his mouth was left hanging open.

"Oh no..." Yoongi's eyes widened.

"What happened to him?" Hoseok shrieked. He gazed worriedly at Jimin and Namjoon.

Namjoon held on tightly to Jimin as he sat down on the ground and pulled the mochi into his lap. Jimin was still limp, but his eyes were starting to flicker.

"Do you want me to get the medic?" Yoongi asked. "Namjoon?"

"No..." the leader moved a lock of Jimin's hair out of his face gently. "He's waking up, I don't think we need anything."

Jin crouched down next to Namjoon, watching intently as Jimin slowly came to.

"Let's take you home, okay Jimin?" he said when the mochi looked fully alert.

Groaning, Jimin agreed hesitantly. Namjoon and Jin helped him to his feet.

Jungkook and Taehyung watched sadly as Hoseok led them out of the studio.

"Let's just go home with him too, I don't think there is any point of us doing this dance without one of the centers." Yoongi shrugged and jammed his water back into his bag.

---------

"Why don't you go to your room to sleep Jimin?" Taehyung asked. He patted the mochi's shoulder.

Jimin groaned. He was laying on the couch. His bed did sound more comfortable but right now, he was too exhausted to move an inch. He laid weakly on his side.

Taehyung touched Jimin's forehead. He sucked in a breath when he felt the heat radiating off.

"Hey, you'll feel more comfortable if you change out of those clothes and go sleep on your bed." Hoseok went over to tap Jimin on the shoulder.

Taehyung helped Jimin into a sitting position. Hoseok smiled gently at the mochi's direction.

"Come on, I can carry you."

The second maknae slid one arm underneath Jimin's knees and the other around his shoulders, lifting him up easily. The mochi only groaned sleepily. Taehyung walked quickly to Jimin's room, placing the mochi on his bed.

Jin raised an eyebrow when he saw, but didn't say anything.

Taehyung draped the covers over him. Jimin realized that the second maknae had conveniently ignored Hoseok's instructions to change Jimin out of his practice clothes. He silently thanked Taehyung. He didn't feel like moving at all.

"Sleep tight," he mumbled before leaving.

Jimin heard the door shut and footsteps recede. His hearing felt a little distorted, almost like he was underwater.

He kept his eyes closed. His arms and legs hurt. Jimin tried not to think about his whole embarrassing episode today and tried his best to get some rest.

But I literally collapsed like that in front of everyone... ugh why am I such a mess...?

-------

Try as he might, he couldn't really get comfortable.

Jimin was shivering. His bedsheets were too cold for him. Even the blanket that Taehyung had put over him was too cold. His clothes were wet with sweat and they felt freezing against his skin. He wrapped his arms around himself and tucked his knees in so he looked like a cheese ball. He felt a little more warmth that way.

Then a guy named Jungkook jumped onto his bed and hugged him tightly, so he felt a bit better after that.

"You're still not asleep?" the maknae murmured. He stroked Jimin's hair.

"No..."

"I'm here now, don't worry. We all know that anything is possible when Kook is here."

Jimin sighed. He let Jungkook pull him closer to him - he just wanted to not shiver anymore - and the maknae giggled lightly.

Jungkook wasn't wrong; Jimin did fall asleep soon after that.

------

The entire day was kind of a blur for Jimin.

He was nudged awake two hours later by Jungkook and Jin. His fever had gone down, but Jimin still felt like he had gone through a blender. He could barely keep his eyes open.

Jin forced him to sit up and eat the ramen he had made. It tasted like wet glue according to Jimin, but he obediently slurped it down. Jungkook played a game on his phone while Jimin ate.

"What game is that?" Jin asked.

"Oh it's just Cooking Fever." Jungkook tilted his screen to show the eldest.

"I can't eat anymore," Jimin interrupted. He had managed to choke down half of the ramen but he couldn't take anything else.

"Aww..." Jin wrapped an arm around Jimin's shoulders. "Do you just want to sleep now?"

Jimin nodded.

"Jungkook, you clean it up. I'll stay here."

Rolling his eyes, Jungkook shuffled off the bed and took the bowl and chopsticks away.

Jimin laid back down on his pillow. He was starting to shiver again; there were goosebumps all over his arms. He snuggled into Jin's grip, burying his face into his chest.

Jin's arms adjusted around him, holding him tighter.

"Thanks for the food hyung," the mochi mumbled.

Jin hummed in reply. If he did say something after, Jimin didn't hear it, he was fast asleep.

------

"Jimin, you need to stop overworking yourself like this. This is what happens when you do!" Namjoon said.

Jimin had a blanket around his shoulders. He was sitting in front of the TV, not really watching the sitcom that was playing. Namjoon and Hoseok were beside him, the former expressing how unhappy he was with Jimin's practice regimen.

"You can't keep going like this Jimin," Hoseok added. "Moderation, remember? Moderation."

"Yeah, if you keep going like this, you're going to get burnout."

Hoseok agreed with Namjoon's words.

"But we all practice a lot, I don't know why you have such a problem with me..."

"It's not a problem with us or you, it's just that you need to take care of yourself better," Hoseok said.

"Right..." Jimin sighed. The dancer patted his arm.

"Working hard doesn't mean working to the point of a breakdown," Namjoon said.

"Yeah!"

"I... just... I don't know... feel that I need to practice hard so I can really belong in this group and... I need to practice so I can get better," Jimin mumbled.

"Practicing is important and I know that. But you need to take care of yourself too..." Hoseok said.

Namjoon hugged Jimin.

"It's okay," the mochi mumbled. "I'll be okay. I'll take care of myself."

"That's good." Hoseok shook his head. "I need to go, okay?"

Jimin didn't bother trying to understand what Namjoon said in reply. He kept his face smushed into the leader's shoulder.

"And Jimin? If you ever feel like you're not good enough, just remember that every single one of us love you and think that you're doing great."

-------

Jimin crashed again the next morning. He had been okay all through the night, but his fever got worse again eventually.

He lay quietly on his bed, curled into a ball like usual. His head was starting to hurt.

Oh no... please not a migraine...

Jimin hugged his pillow close to himself. He tried to tough it out for a while before he gave up and he got up to take a painkiller. After taking one and washing it down with a glass of water, he finally felt a little better.

Jimin lazily flopped down on his bed all over again. It was okay to take things lazily for a while now.

The other members were heading off to practice. Jin stepped into Jimin's room to pat his shoulder once before leaving.

-------

Within a few days, the mochi was functioning normally again. His appetite came back, along with his usual unstoppable energy. If anything, the others had definitely missed that.

The first practice back was kind of awkward, in part because everybody was kind of overprotective over him, but it was okay. Jimin could only feel awkward for so long in front of the others.

With the extra sleep and proper meals that he had had, Jimin actually felt better. Like really better. He felt motivated to do things. He didn't feel like he wanted to practice just for the sake of practicing for once. Jimin actually felt the need to improve in a healthy, positive way.

Of course, this burst of motivation would probably leave him within a week, and Jimin knew that very well. But still, he made sure to impose limits on himself from the beginning. He didn't practice from morning till night like he used to do way too often. Instead, he made sure to write down what he was having trouble with so he could address it in his next practice session.

There would certainly be ups and downs in his motivation levels. There would be days when he wouldn't want to move a muscle or days when he would feel like climbing Mount Everest thirty times in a row. But the key was moderation. Try to get an equal amount of things done in one day. And if he failed to do something he had planned to do, then he shouldn't take it out on himself. It was okay to screw some days.

-------

Chapter Text

For the past few weeks, Jimin's jaw and mouth have really started to hurt. At the beginning, he figured that it was probably nothing. He brushed and flossed his teeth a bit more carefully and hoped that it would naturally go away.

Except it hadn't.

Even when it started to hurt more, Jimin convinced himself that it wasn't a big deal. He continued brushing and flossing his teeth as best he could and carried on with his schedules like usual.

Eventually that plan failed too.

When it really hit Jimin that maybe he needed to pay his dentist a visit, was the night after a singing session. He had noticed that while he was singing, it was hard to open his mouth. It was frustrating for him and he was sure that the others had noticed. He had bad breath too... well then again, he had always had that.

It hurt to eat many foods, but then again, Jimin was used to eating soup for days on end. Yes, his jaw hurt. But no, he wasn't too scared until he took a good look into his mirror.

His jaw was swollen. When he licked his gums, he could feel warm blood washing over his tongue.

It was disgusting.

Jimin nearly gagged. And of course, that made his jaw hurt.

As he washed his mouth out, he reminded himself that he really needed to head on over to the dentist. No matter how much he hated to go, this was an emergency.

He left the bathroom and flopped onto his bed. His head didn't land on the pillow as he had hoped.

"Ahh, not again..." he groaned.

"You good there Jimin?" Namjoon peered into his room.

"Yeah," the mochi replied.

"Do your teeth still hurt?"

Jimin nodded. "I'm going to go in tomorrow."

Namjoon sighed in relief. "Good. The earlier you go, the better."

"Yeah."

-------

The earliest time that Jimin's dentist was available was in the afternoon the following day. He had to cancel all his schedules. Jimin was a bit unhappy with that.

-------

"Hyung, do you want me to come with you?" Jungkook asked.

Jimin and Jungkook were the only two at the breakfast table. The others were in the living room, having already chowed down their food.

"You want to?"

"Well..." the maknae shrugged. "You seem uncomfortable so..."

Jimin laughed lightly. He could feel his gums starting to bleed again.

"If you want, yeah." He swallowed back the blood, cringing at the taste.

"Good."

Jungkook reached over to pat Jimin on the head. "Don't worry, I have your back."

"Yeah..."

"Are you guys done?" Hoseok burst into the dining room. He looked at Jungkook's empty plate and grinned.

"Do you want some more?"

"Nah... I'm good."

"You sure?" The dancer asked.

"Okay fine, give me more eggs then."

"See," Hoseok sang. "I know you so well."

After dumping more eggs onto the maknae's plate, he turned toward Jimin.

"Do you want something Jiminie?"

"No, I'm good thanks," the mochi said.

"You're going to get your teeth checked out today right?" Hoseok asked. "Is it your wisdom teeth or something?"

Jimin nodded. "I think so, yeah."

"Your teeth are bloody," Jungkook said.

"It's my gums, they've been bleeding for a few days now."

Jungkook and Hoseok fell silent.

When the dancer spoke again, his voice was quieter. "Gee, I really wish you addressed this sooner Jimin. As usual, you waited until things started bleeding before you started considering getting some help."

Jimin thought Hoseok was going to continue with his rant, but instead, his face relaxed into a smile. "Don't worry too much though. My sister got hers removed. She said it didn't hurt as much as she thought it would."

"So it didn't hurt at all?" Jungkook asked.

"Oh no, no, that isn't what I meant. She couldn't eat solid foods for a week, I think..." Hoseok said.

"Very comforting to hear, thank you." Jimin shook his head.

"She sent me quite a few pictures as well. Want me to show you?"

"No, I'm good."

"Why did Jiwoo noona send you pictures hyung?" Jungkook asked.

"Well..." Hoseok sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "My teeth started hurting a while back and I got scared. I asked her for all the details and how much it had hurt and... yeah, and then I went to the dentist. They said there was just a fish bone stuck in my tooth."

Jungkook started to giggle.

"That's something only you can do Hobi," Jimin said.

"I guess so yeah." The dancer laughed. "Hey, at least I'm able to provide all this valuable information to you guys! Be thankful!"

"Yeah." The maknae grinned.

"Who knows, maybe I only have a fish bone stuck in my teeth too," Jimin said.

"It would have to be a very large fish then."

"Yeah, it would have to be a whale."

"Whales aren't fish."

"Close enough."

Namjoon walked in. "It's time to go!"

-------

At the clinic, the dentist confirmed that Jimin had an impacted wisdom tooth. He was taken into another room where the removal procedure would take place. Jungkook was allowed in too.

There was a small couch on the far end of the room. Jungkook settled down on there. He flashed a smile at the mochi and a small thumbs-up.

Disney princess stickers covered the walls. Jimin loved his dental clinic. It was the same one that his little cousins went to. They were seven. They saw a different dentist than him, of course.

He wished he could get the little coins to get a prize after his appointment but he was probably too old.

He wouldn't have minded it though.

The dentist told Jimin what to expect. He stressed that it wasn't that scary and there wouldn't be too much pain afterward. The mochi nodded along, but he was starting to get a little scared.

After some more fussing over his teeth and putting straws in his mouth, the dentist nodded to Jimin.

"It's going to be done in less than an hour. Don't worry Jimin."

An hour wasn't a short time and Jimin was getting more and more agitated. He could barely see Jungkook. This was scary.

He was told to open his mouth nice and wide. For a moment, Jimin felt like a kindergartener again. Then the dentist took out a big needle and he nearly started screaming.

"Relax Jimin, you'll barely feel anything."

Shutting his eyes, Jimin realized that the dentist was right. He barely felt the needle go in. There wasn't any pain at all, just pressure.

The dentist took the needle away. Jimin started realizing that the inside of his mouth was starting to go numb. The pain that had been bothering him for the past few weeks dissolved into the uncomfortable tingling that came with the anaesthetic. But within a few seconds, that faded away too.

There was a dental assistant in the room. His dentist said something to her and almost immediately the light above Jimin was turned on. He was given these funky-looking sunglasses. His chair was lifted up a bit higher.

Jungkook watched from afar. He hoped that Jimin wasn't getting scared in any way.

The mochi started freaking out slightly at the beginning but then he managed to calm himself down by putting his hand on his leg. Holding onto his clothing helped him ground himself. This wasn't scary. This was for his own benefit. The dentist knew what he was doing. No impacted wisdom teeth equaled no bloody gums. Jimin repeated it over and over again.

He kept his eyes glued shut. He didn't want to see what fancy contraption the dentist was putting in his mouth. It would scare him more.

It wasn't all that hard to extract his tooth because it was fully erupted. The removal was done fairly quickly. Jimin wanted to run his tongue over the area but figured out that was a disgusting idea.

Immediately after, he was given a piece of moist gauze to put in his mouth. It was gross to just hold it and Jimin nearly gagged when he had to put it inside his mouth. It did help catch the blood though. The anaesthetic was starting to wear off so the tingling had started to come back. One side of his face resembled a chipmunk's; it was all puffed up due to the bloody gauze.

Jungkook slung an arm around his shoulders when Jimin was allowed to get off the dentist's chair. The maknae discussed more follow-up things with his dentist while Jimin snuggled into him, feeling like he just finished giving birth to his forty-third child.

"Come on Jiminie," the maknae was soon saying. "It's time to go home."

"Mmmphh, ee... yung..."

"Right sorry, sorry. Jiminie hyung, it's time to go home. I'll drive."

-------

Jimin opted to go in the backseat. He rested his head against the seat and watched the world go by. He tried not to move his mouth too much. The gauze was soggy.

"It wasn't too bad, was it?"

Jimin hummed. It hadn't been too scary but he honestly preferred it that way.

"Yeah, you see. Hoseok hyung was right."

"Yeammmm..."

"You sound funny." Jungkook laughed. "It's adorable though."

-------

The second time that Jimin started gagging that day was when he had to take the gauze out. There was slimy blood on top of it and he could nearly taste it.

Luckily he was all alone in the bathroom when that happened. Jungkook would've raised his eyebrow if he had seen.

Jimin wrapped the gauze up in toilet paper and threw it out. He made sure to keep his tongue far away from the place where his tooth had been removed from. It was too disgusting.

"Done?" Jungkook asked when he went into the living room.

"Yeah."

"Do you want some painkillers?"

Jimin shook his head. "Not now, I'm good."

The maknae grinned. "Do you want to watch Descendants of the Sun together?"

"Sure!"

Yoo Sijin and Kang Moyeon were just beginning to show some chemistry towards each other when Jimin's face and mouth started hurting.

Jungkook glanced over before he could do anything.

"Hyung, does anything hurt?"

Before Jimin could say anything, the maknae quickly got an ice pack. He pressed it gently against the mochi's swelling face.

"See, this is why I'm here..."

Jimin's grin was lopsided.

They resumed the drama. Moyeon and Sijin were just about to meet at the rooftop when Jimin started to fall asleep. The ice pack was no longer cold against his cheek; it was more like a cool hand against his face. Jungkook fell alseep not long after that.

The first episode finished and the second one started, but nobody was watching it anymore at that point.

--------

When the others finally came back home from their schedules, they found Jimin and Jungkook fast asleep next to each other. The TV was still playing.

"Hey guys, wake up, we're home!" Taehyung said. He shook Jimin's shoulder.

"Wake up! Wake up!" Yoongi yelled. It was uncharacteristic of him to do that and Jin jumped in shock.

"Ha, I scared you, didn't I?"

"Shut up."

Namjoon settled next to Jungkook on the couch. "Ah... Descendants of the Sun... that is one good show."

"They mentioned my name in it," Yoongi bragged.

"Right, right, of course. Everything is always about you all the time."

"Says the person who calls himself 'Worldwide Handsome' and brags about his looks every chance that he gets-"

Jimin blinked open his eyes. Jin's loud voice was audible. He almost chuckled despite of his sore face.

"How did it go Jimin? Not too bad I suppose?" Hoseok asked.

"No," he said as he sat up. "It was scary at the beginning but I managed to calm myself down."

"That's great!"

Jimin smiled in agreement.

Jungkook was still sleeping soundly. Yoongi reluctantly got a pillow and blanket for him from his room. Hoseok turned off the drama. They were too hyperactive at the moment to watch anything anyway.

------

Over the next three days, Jimin's face swelled up quite a bit and he had to put on the ice pack a lot. He was worried at first, but after calling his dentist he learned that it was normal. Luckily, his mouth didn't bleed too much and he didn't have to put more gauze in.

For about a week, Jimin had to follow a mainly liquid-based diet. It was annoying for him, to say the least. He could eat solid foods after a week. He was thankful for that.

Two weeks later, his mouth felt reasonably comfortable again. No more bloody gums at least!

-------

Chapter Text

Ever since Jimin had heard the new song that they were going to record, he had fallen in love. He listened to Namjoon's demo track over and over again, sometimes for hours on end. He loved the song so much. He couldn't do his vocals for it.

In his free time, Jimin made up his own arrangements to the song. He had asked the producer if he could include some of his ideas and the producer had said yes.

Over time, as the song began to take more shape, Jimin developed a more clear idea of what he wanted the song to sound like.

He just wanted it to be absolutely perfect. This song was made for him. Sure the other members were taking part in the production and vocalizing as well, but this was Jimin's song.

------

They received their line distribution sheets a few weeks later. Jimin had gotten all the parts he had asked for and he couldn't be happier. Jin had gotten most of the vocal lines this time, something which rarely, if ever, happened. There was lots of excitement in the studio that day.

They recorded a few practice runs that day. The way some of the members were singing their parts irked Jimin off a bit. They weren't singing it the way he wanted them to. He tried his best not to get so annoyed and shrugged it off. This wasn't the final recording, they were going to redo it later anyway.

Jimin just wanted things to go the way that he wanted them to. Just this once. Just for this one song. The others could have say in everything else and he wouldn't mind. Except this. This was his chance to show the world what Park Jimin was capable of.

That wasn't too much to ask right?

------

A few weeks after that was the actual recording. For some other songs, they did their lines separately when their schedules allowed them to, but for this one, they were all together.

Jimin was a bit hyper today. Just a bit.

It could be attributed to excitement.

The members were a bit sleep-deprived. Hoseok was practically sleep-walking. Yoongi had dark circles under his eyes. But Jimin was energetic. He tried to cheer the others up, told them funny things and made them laugh. Namjoon even remarked that Jimin "cared a lot about everyone's wellbeing." The mochi squealed happily, hearing that.

But that excitement quickly faded away when the recording went underway.

Most of them were doing okay, according to Jimin's standards. Jungkook wasn't trying to sing too "loudly" and Namjoon wasn't being too aggressive with his rapping. Jin sounded good. Yoongi's voice stayed deep and controlled. Hoseok was off-key but he could fix that easily with a bit of practice and autotune.

But Taehyung wasn't singing his part the way Jimin wanted it to sound. Jimin tried to tell him nicely, he really did. But he didn't listen.

"Taehyung, can you please hold that 'ahh' a little longer? That way we can add the other vocals on top and that will-"

"Okay Jimin."

But Taehyung never did that. He sang it the way that he did before and kept going.

"Taehyung, that 'ahh' sound needs to be held a little longer-"

"Got that down, Jimin."

Jimin told them to re-record after hearing it. Over and over again. And Taehyung got more and more frustrated. He didn't want to layer the vocals here. In his opinion, that wouldn't sound right. But Jimin didn't listen to him.

"Taehyungie, please that part..."

"Goddamnit Jimin! Why do you care so much about this one tiny part?"

Jimin snapped right back. "Maybe because I actually care about making this perfect?!"

"I'm trying my best here though! I simply don't like how you're telling me to do everything your way!"

"Just this one song! That's all I'm fussing about!"

Taehyung glared at him, dropping his headset and sitting back in his chair. "You're so annoying, all you do is boss people around."

The others exchanged worried glances. Yoongi raised an eyebrow. When these two fought, it never ended nicely.

"I do not!"

"I said I want to do it this way, so I'm going to," Taehyung said.

"No!"

"You're such an annoying asshole! You never care about what other people think! It's always you, you and you!"

"Taehyung!" Namjoon stood up, placing his hands on his shoulders. "That's enough, both of you!"

"But..." the second maknae deflated. "I don't want to do it his way..."

Jimin glared at the floor. He just wanted to do it in a certain way! He felt angry tears come to his eyes. This wasn't how he wanted this to go. He wanted this to go according to his plan. This was the only song that he...

Taehyung was starting to feel a little guilty. He shouldn't have said all that.

"I'm going to record my lines," Jin announced. "Jimin, if you have any problems with them, tell me."

Jimin's face was so warm. He could feel the heat radiating off. The embarrassment was running through his veins. He felt himself wishing that he never took charge of this. He was a shitty person to be in charge.

"Jimin, can you please listen? I don't want to do anything wrong," Jin said again. His voice sounded strained.

Yoongi glanced around. "Jimin, take some deep breaths. You're okay. We're not mad."

Taehyung was looking at the floor. Jungkook nudged him, but he didn't do anything.

"Jimin?"

"Okay, fine, I'm leaving then." Jin stormed out of the studio. Hoseok gaped up at him. Taehyung followed him, running out, without even a spare glance at the others.

"We're going to be talking about this tonight," Namjoon said.

"I don't want to..." Jimin mumbled. His eyes were filled with tears and they were slowly snaking down his face. He really didn't want to be here.

"Oh, Jiminie..." Hoseok went over to him and tried to hug him. "You did nothing wrong..."

Jimin, however, pushed him away. Hoseok stumbled back. The mochi sank down to the floor, wrapping his arms around his legs. He felt a confusing mix of angry and ashamed. He felt so furious with Taehyung but at the same time, at himself.

"You did nothing wrong honey... you were only trying to make it better according to the way you thought," Yoongi said. "Those two are just being annoying."

"Yoongi, please," Namjoon said.

"Okay."

"We'll be talking altogether about this."

"I'm not talking to him!" Jimin shrieked.

Namjoon sighed. "Please Jimin. Don't make my life so diffi-" he shook his head- "It's going to be okay. Talking it out will prevent a bigger misunderstanding from happening."

"I can't."

Namjoon crouched down in front of Jimin. "It will be okay Jimin. We can support you."

-------

They didn't talk it out that night. Both Taehyung and Jimin locked themselves in their rooms as soon as they got home.

Jimin's mind was swirling with anger. More than anything, he felt Taehyung didn't care about the amount of hard work that he had put in to make this song perfect. The others didn't either. The way Jin was talking to him... it hurt him. Like he was some kind of burden. Like he was hard to please.

Unlike the others, Jimin cried himself to sleep that night.

------

The weeks slowly crawled by. The other members tried their best to get Jimin and Taehyung to reconcile. They tried to organize talks, tried to get the manager to give them schedules together, tried convincing them to just make up, but nothing worked.

Taehyung felt terrible. He tried to talk to Jimin but he had no interest in talking to him. Jimin avoided him at all costs. If they ended up in the same room, Jimin simply ignored him. It was like Taehyung simply didn't exist anymore in his world. It hurt Taehyung. But he knew, he was the one who had hurt Jimin the most. And he knew what he had done was fucking stupid. He had been tired and annoyed that day, but that wasn't an excuse to be rude.

Jin didn't bother trying to communicate with Jimin. His discomfort showed every time he had to talk to Jimin. When Hoseok tried to lecture him about it, he claimed that "he will forgive when he feels the need to do so." And that was that.

------

Jimin was drifting away.

"Hyung, can you come listen to music with me?" Jungkook asked.

Jimin forced a smile on his face. "I'm sure... I'm sure that you can find someone else to do that with."

The maknae wanted to tell him that no, the only person he wanted to be with in that moment was Jimin, but he didn't get the chance. In the end, he didn't listen to music.

------

"Jimin, where are you?"

"He's still not home?"

"What the heck?"

Yoongi sat down on the couch, phone in hand. Jungkook and Hoseok stared at him in worry. Jin was mindlessly watching TV. He was listening to the conversation, they could tell, but he pretended not to care.

"Joon's out looking for him. I'm sure he'll be back soon," Jin said dryly after a while. "Don't worry so much. He's probably out drinking."

Taehyung felt guilty when he heard that.

When Namjoon dragged a very drunk Jimin home that night, Jin only raised an eyebrow. He helped the mochi get to sleep and then went to sleep himself. Deep down, Jin was still trying to take care of him. Just not in the way he used to. That's what bothered Namjoon.

Taehyung woke up nice and early the next morning. He went to Jimin's room. The mochi was still asleep. He laid down next to him and hugged him to his chest. For a moment there, they were best friends again.

But when Jimin woke up, Taehyung was pinched awake from his dream.

"Get off of me," was the stiff words that were said at him.

"Jimin, I'm so sorry for what I did that day."

"I heard." Jimin groaned. He had a hangover, he really wasn't in the mood to-

"I can-"

"Get the hell out!"

Taehyung scurried away.

--------

The next week after that, the producers informed the group that "Jimin's song" had been scrapped. In their words, the members got into too many disagreements over it and it just wasn't a good match for the album.

A lot of songs got scrapped. Jimin usually didn't mind so much.

But for this one, he did. He did so freaking much. This was what he had wanted so badly.

The drinking worsened. The nights out increased. The members couldn't hide their worry anymore. They begged him to get help for his addiction.

Jimin didn't even pretend to care.

------

Namjoon should've known that it was coming. With the way Jimin was drinking, something like this was very possible.

Jimin had been photographed at a bar. Drunk. Severely drunk. The pictures had spun around on the internet and Jimin landed himself in a huge scandal. People told him to leave BTS. People said he was a drunkard who dragged the group down. People told him to go jump off a bridge.

Jimin was losing himself. Why couldn't anybody see that? Why were people so blind?

Namjoon needed to step in.

-------

"Jimin, we need to talk."

Jimin glanced up at Namjoon who had a "no nonsense" look on his face. This wasn't good. He knew what was coming. He had tried to avoid interacting with the other members as much as he could, but it was impossible to cut them out completely.

"You need help Jiminie."

The mochi sighed.

"No, please listen to me. You're hurting yourself like this. Drinking this much isn't good for your body. You don't want to harm yourself, do you?"

"I don't care."

"You do care, I know you do. Please. Everything might seem pointless right now but..."

"What do you want me to do?" Jimin asked. "Leave the group?"

"What the fuck?! No!" Namjoon said. "I'm telling you to cut down on the drinking."

"I can't."

"You have to."

"I don't want to."

"Otherwise it's going to hurt you."

"I don't care if it does."

"Deep down, I know you're lying."

Jimin paused, biting his lip. "I don't want to..."

"Please Jimin. Please."

Namjoon was crying.

"Fine," the mochi said. "I'll try.

--------

Drinking was on his mind a lot. Whenever he got bored, he was used to just getting drunk. The members tried to distract him. They forced him to tag along and participate.

Jimin's reputation would take time to recover. So would his health. So would his relationship with Taehyung.

-------

Chapter Text

It wasn't quite a 180 degree turn around like the people around him had hoped, but it was good enough for Jimin. After Namjoon begged him to get help, something had clicked in Jimin. He admitted to his doctor that he was dependent on alcohol. There were talks of sending him to rehab, but Jimin refused. He wanted to treat it at home.

Apparently, suddenly stopping alcohol intake was dangerous so Jimin had to cut it down slowly. Slowly, he got it down to zero levels. And even then, it wasn't easy.

For the first few days of going alcohol-free, Jimin was snappy. He got annoyed by everything and anything and he was sure that he pissed off all the members at one point. They were strangely forgiving though. Sleeping during that first week was hard too. Jimin was tempted to drink something then to help himself sleep, but the members had gotten rid of most of the alcohol. And he knew that all his progress would be ruined if he did drink. He did know that.

But slowly but surely, those hard times faded away. Sure, it was still hard to sleep most nights, but he was getting better sleep now. Jimin didn't feel like he was drifting through a haze for the whole day. He really did feel more awake and alert after three straight weeks of no drinking.

He still did get urges sometimes. That usually happened when he was bored and there was nothing to do.

Jimin didn't know whether he was happier deep down or not, but it was a start.

But for the most part, he was improving. The agency tried to drown him in schedules to keep him busy. Jimin was usually too tired to think about anything else.

The scandal had rocked him. It really had. Jimin was more conscious about how he acted outdoors. The comments that netizens had written about him had hit him in corners of his mind that nothing else had. Jimin really was determined to change.

He also had to see a therapist to talk about all the feeling and emotional stuff. Jimin was initially embarrassed to talk about the whole song situation that had been the start of all this. Had he overreacted about the deal?

Frankly, he didn't know what to feel. He explained that to his therapist. He was confused about what he should think, about how he should act around Taehyung, and to a lesser extent, Jin. Thinking about what Taehyung had said that day still bothered him. It stung deep down. Jin's words did too. Jimin wasn't a spoiled brat who didn't care about anybody else's feelings. No, thinking like that hurt his pride.

No, what Taehyung and Jin had done was wrong. Jimin wanted to be mad at them. He wanted them to feel bad for all the pain he had had to go through.

But at the same time... both Taehyung and Jin had apologized multiple times. They were nice again. They were starting to joke around him again. Once in a while, they would crack a joke that hurt Jimin, but he couldn't stay mad at them long for that.

It was complicated.

He wanted to forgive them, but he also didn't want to. Jimin wanted to accept their apologies and move on, but he couldn't help but feel that Taehyung and Jin weren't truly sorry. That they had just apologized because they had to and not because they felt bad.

Did everybody think he was an overdramatic brat deep down? Jimin tried to tell himself no, but it bothered him.

Sure, he wasn't drinking anymore, but the emptiness remained. He didn't have anything to fill the hole anymore.

--------

"What are you thinking about?" Yoongi asked. He tapped Jimin's knee.

Jimin shook his head. "Nothing."

Yoongi had offered to drive Jimin to his therapy appointment. It was pretty late in the evening so the street lights were on, bathing the city in a orange glow.

"How are you feeling these days?"

"Good."

"You're looking healthier."

"Good."

"Don't you have anything else to say?"

"Not really," Jimin said, a small smile playing on his lips. "I'm tired."

Yoongi laughed. It sounded forced, Jimin noticed. He cringed deep down.

"I don't get why the agency is working you so hard, but whatever," Yoongi said. "If you need things to slow down, you can ask them to fix it."

"Yeah."

Yoongi nodded. He didn't say anything else after that, which left a bitter taste in his mouth. He said something wrong, didn't he?

-------

"You're so quiet," Taehyung said, nudging Jimin. "Is anything wrong?"

"No." Jimin shrugged. "I'm okay."

He wished he was back in his room. Jungkook's ridiculous gaming nights were definitely not for him. He felt awkward. The members were weird with him.

Something that Jimin was noticing these days was how he was struggling to talk to people. Before, making eye contact with someone was easy for him. Now he always looked at the floor while talking. Doing anything else was too intimidating.

"Something's wrong."

"Nothing. Really."

"You can trust me," Taehyung said.

Jimin shook his head. He couldn't trust Taehyung fully, he knew that. There would always be a part of him that saw him as a fake person.

He really couldn't wait until he was by himself.

------

he has really revealed his true colours, hasn't he now?

> yep

>> these people don't deserve to be idols. can you believe there are still people defending him? like wtf

>>> those people make me sick

>>>> at the end of the day, we all have to agree that jimin isn't a good person. who knows what else he does other than frequent bars and clubs. i mean, i never liked him anyway so it isn't a big deal for me. he always gave me weird vibes so

ALSO CAN WE AGREE THAT HIS SINGING SUCKS

>>>>> yea, he's probably the most messed up one in bts. so attention-seeking

>>>>>> ugh yes

------

Jimin shut his eyes. He shouldn't have gone on social media. The words would live on in his mind now. He shouldn't talk much anymore. Try to blend in with the background.

He turned his phone off. The emptiness had gotten bigger. Jimin slid off his bed, getting to his feet. He decided to brush his teeth. It was pretty late anyway. Jimin should go to sleep.

As he got out his toothbrush, he stared at himself in the mirror. There wasn't really... wasn't really... anything attention-seeking about him. He truly was trying.

Everybody else thought the same way about him too, he realized. That he was some stuck up brat who didn't care about anybody else. The realization hurt. Jimin sighed.

It was okay.

He was fixing himself. He wasn't drinking anymore. He was trying. Those haters didn't know how hard it was for him.

Jimin felt his eyes start tearing up again. He blinked them away. Managing to keep his sniffing to a minimum, he finished brushing his teeth and wash his face.

It was okay. Those people didn't know.

Jimin trudged back to the main part of his room and turned off the lights. He could hear Hoseok's laughter from the living room. Sometimes, Jimin really wondered just what was so funny.

It was okay.

-------

A few weeks later, the managers informed them that it was time that they do a V-Live all together. It had been a while since they had done that. It had been a while since Jimin had sat down to talk to his fans. Truthfully, he didn't want to. He couldn't tell who was a fan and who was a hater.

He didn't know what to say either. What was he supposed to say? Jimin couldn't think of anything.

Hate comments hadn't bothered him that much in the past, but now...

Ah well.

The others were noticing that Jimin was quieter and a whole lot more awkward. He struggled talking to people. He seemed embarrassed about something. Taehyung wanted to address it.

-------

"Is everything okay?"

Jimin nodded. Taehyung was standing at the doorway of his room. In about an hour, they had planned to start their live stream. Jimin was planning on counting down the minutes until it was over.

"You're so quiet these days."

"Tired."

"Oh."

Taehyung settled down next to Jimin on the bed. He was trying his best to be a good friend, Jimin realized. It gave him a sinking feeling inside.

"What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

Taehyung sighed. Jimin cringed.

"You seem sad."

"I'm alright."

"If you say so."

"I'm fine."

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Right. Jimin could tell him anything. Sure. As if everything that had happened wasn't caused by Taehyung being irrational.

"I know."

"Then-"

"Later."

"Tonight?"

"Okay."

-----

Jimin didn't say much during the live stream. He mostly stared off into space and wondered how awkward and weird he must look. The others were lively.

The one thing that he made sure not to do was lean forward to read the comments. He wasn't sure if everything was a hate comment, but he wasn't going to take any chances.

He noticed that he was almost unnecessary in the conversation. The other members were more than capable of making things interesting and Jimin wasn't needed. He stuck out like a sore thumb. He felt invisible among them. He couldn't shake off the feeling that he wasn't important.

-------

"You promised," Taehyung sang. "You promised that tonight you would tell me what's bothering you."

Jimin groaned internally. He sat up on his bed, Taehyung immediately sitting next to him.

"Tell me. You don't have to go into too much detail. Just give me an outline."

"It's nothing big..." Jimin sighed, shaking his head. He didn't know how to phrase his sentences, it seemed. "I..."

Taehyung didn't say anything, only looked at him in curiosity.

"I... don't know how to... I don't know..."

"Huh?"

"It's hard to talk, yeah, I don't-."

"Oh," Taehyung said. "Is that why you're quiet now?"

Jimin nodded. He wished Taehyung could leave already. This was tiring.

"What's hard about talking?"

Taehyung received a shrug as a response. He decided to keep pressing.

"Did you tell your therapist about this?"

Jimin shook his head.

Taehyung put his hand on Jimin's shoulder. "How are things supposed to get better if you don't ask for help though?" His words sounded rough but his voice was gentle.

"No, they don't help."

"The therapist doesn't help?"

Jimin shook his head again. He stared down at his feet. He didn't know what to say.

"Do they help you?"

"Yeah."

"Then why don't you tell them that you're getting anxious when you have to talk to someone?"

Jimin shook his head. It wasn't that easy.

"Do you want me to tell them for you?" Taehyung asked, still as gentle as ever.

"It's not going to work."

"Why not?"

"I can't..." Jimin looked up at Taehyung, immediately regretting it. There was pity in Taehyung's eyes. It made him tear up. "I can't-"

"Yes, you can," Taehyung murmured. He wrapped his arms around Jimin. "I can tell the therapist for you and you can get rid of your anxiety. Then you're okay again."

"It's not that easy-"

"I know." Taehyung sniffed. "I know, I really do."

A moment later, he added, "It will help though. Trust me."

Jimin sighed, wishing that Taehyung would get the hint and leave. But no, his face was still pressing into Taehyung's shoulder. After a while, though, he gradually relaxed. It was okay.

-------

After Taehyung had blabbed to the therapist about what was bothering Jimin, things changed again. The words "social anxiety" started to be thrown around a lot. Jimin was forced to start doing mood trackers and start writing down what he was feeling. His therapist told him to "get outside of his comfort zone" and relax.

Those were noble words, but ultimately very stupid words.

Still, Jimin tried to follow the advice he was given. He forced himself to look into people's eyes when he said something to them. In those makeshift hangouts that the members organized, he forced himself to say things, even if it were only the knock-knock jokes he had read online.

Oh, the relaxation techniques. Jimin had wanted to screech when he had been shown them for the first time. Surely, those wouldn't be able to help him.

It was weird, but he did find himself counting to ten when things got too hard for him. It was weird, but it did take the panic away sometimes.

--------

Jimin took a deep breath before turning the camera on. This was his first solo V-Live.

He nervously smiled as he watched fans come in. He was okay. Everything was okay.

BTS Jimin live!

------

Chapter Text

The first V-live went well. Jimin was very nervous at the beginning. Even so, he avoided looking at the comments. He did spot a few nasty ones that made his heart clench. But all those ones were buried under a blanket of purple hearts and supportive messages.

He went to bed that night feeling more accomplished than he had in weeks. He also lay awake for a while, thinking about how a petty argument had caused his whole life to spiral out of control. Jimin had known that he had a tendency to overreact about things, but even he had to admit, what he had done was a bit much. He shouldn't have turned to alcohol. He shouldn't have gotten drunk publicly. All these things could've been avoided if he hadn't gotten emotionally attached to that song.

But still, he couldn't help but feel angry when he thought about Taehyung's words that day. He wasn't really mad anymore, but there was some leftover resentment that Jimin couldn't scrape out of his heart.

The most he could do was move forward and keep a good image. Jimin promised himself, he was going to be sober from now on. Though drinking was fun, he had had enough of it. That was a promise he was going to keep no matter what.

------

The anxiety that came upon him when talking to people came on suddenly. Sometimes Jimin would be absolutely fine. He would easily say things and be entertaining. Other times he would stand in the corner awkwardly and fumble with his phone.

It worried him. He wasn't going to be able to perform if he kept going like this! While there were some victories - his V-live - they were rare. Jimin, someone who had never been shy in his life, suddenly couldn't do the thing that society required him to do. He couldn't be interesting to save his life.

He tried. He kept trying. He kept trying to do the things that his therapist told him to do. Things that would apparently help him get over his anxiety. Some of the things did help. Breathing deeply and counting down to help himself calm down did help Jimin.

Baby steps, people reminded him. It was okay. Jimin, we still love you. His fans told him that too.

Taehyung told him that too. That one sentence was the only thing that came out of everyone's mouth when Jimin ended up in a negative situation. Otherwise, nobody said it to him. In Taehyung's case, he just yelled.

-------

"Jimin?"

Jimin shrugged. Jin came up to him, a small smile on his face. It felt like forever since they had actually talked together. It was hard to believe, but they had once been super close.

Jin settled next to him on the couch. "What have you been up to these days? We live in the same household, but we barely talk. How is your therapy going? Getting better now?"

Jimin looked at his hands when he replied. Looking into Jin's eyes was too intimidating.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"No, no, I'm good. I just... I just want to talk to you Jimin. It's been ages. I feel like I haven't seen you in such a long time."

"Oh." Jimin forced a smile to his face. Jin was so enthusiastic, and he couldn't understand nor replicate it. He wanted this conversation to end already. "Yeah... um... it's been a while."

"It has."

"Yeah."

"Jimin, look at me." Jin grabbed onto Jimin's hand. "Look at me."

Jimin listened. There wasn't anything that scary when he looked at Jin's face. He didn't know why he was so scared. Even so, he desperately wanted to look down at his hands again. Jin's gaze was somehow intimidating.

"Why are you so scared of making eye contact?" Jin murmured.

"I don't know," Jimin said quickly. "I... I'm trying to fix it."

"No, it's just..." Jin sighed. "I'm just getting worried, that's all. Take your time. I know these things can't be fixed that easily."

"Yeah." Jimin nodded. He glanced down at his hands. He was sure that Jin had gotten disappointed. Jin had wanted to have a proper conversation, not have to deal with this kind of a person. Jimin wanted to be able to do that too. His scandal had messed everything up. He went from a person who was confident to someone who was terrified of people's perception of him. Well, usually that was negative anyway.

"Well..."

Jimin sighed. He gave a small smile to Jin and hoped that would be a good enough reply.

It probably was, because Jin nodded and shut his mouth. Jimin secretly sighed in relief. He let himself bask in the comfort of not having to talk to people. The feeling didn't last long.

"I'm sorry this happened to you," Jin said. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Jimin fought to come up with an answer. "Uh... uh, nothing?"

"Okay."

Jin patted his shoulder, a familiar smile on his face. "I care about you, you know."

"Ah."

Gosh, this was so awkward. Jimin wanted to cry. His face was bright red and he probably ugly as heck. He looked like a tomato. He wished Jin would just give up and leave, and not stare at him like he was a museum exhibit. Immediately, Jimin felt bad for thinking that. Jin just wanted to help.

"Just let me know, okay?"

"Mmhm."

-------

Photoshoots were scary. Jimin used to not care if his poses looked weird - he knew that somehow he would pull them off - but that wasn't the case now. He looked stupid. The only thing that he felt when he saw how confident the others were was anger.

Jimin was working on it though. That's the only thing he could do.

--------

On one of those rare days when they were all free, Jungkook decided that they were going to play board games together. It sounded terrifying for Jimin. He couldn't go to his room and hide.

He settled down in the living room far before anybody was even ready. Jimin made sure that he had his phone with him. If awkward moments ensued, he could always take it out and pretend like he was very busy.

"Wow, you seem to be excited!" Hoseok said.

Jimin looked up. Hoseok smiled at him from the doorway, towel in hand.

"I just need to take a shower and then I'll join you, okay?"

"Yeah..."

Hoseok left again. Jimin sighed. He wished he didn't have to go through with this. Good thing Hoseok was so chirpy and cheerful. He could never.

Jimin kept himself occupied with thoughts about next week. They had a small performance coming up. His heart thudded thinking about it. The dancing and singing, he could pull off. But his stage presence had gone down to zero and he knew people were going to notice that. Jimin sighed. He kept his face blank as if he wasn't worrying. He always seemed to be doing that, no matter the scene.

"Jimin?"

He glanced up. Namjoon was standing at the doorway now.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah?"

"You're sitting here all by yourself," Namjoon said. He came to sit next to Jimin.

"It's not a big deal," Jimin said. He was aware of how much his voice wavered. "I'm fine."

"Sure." Namjoon sighed. He sounded tired. He put his arm around Jimin's shoulders. "That's what everyone says."

Jimin shuddered. In Namjoon's arms, it was hard for him to stay on his phone. He eventually gave up and leaned against Namjoon. He was painfully aware of how close he was to him. The lack of personal space suffocated him.

"You excited for next week?"

"Not really," Jimin mumbled.

"Nervous?"

"Yeah."

"You'll do great," Namjoon said. "I know you will."

"Thanks." Something told Jimin that those words had all been practiced before. With the years of Namjoon complimenting and reassuring them, it wasn't an unreasonable thought.

Just the thought of having to perform was enough for Jimin to just curl up in a ball. He wasn't going to do well. He was going to look like a fucking idiot.

He had no clue where to look. Even the rehearsals were hard. What the hell was he going to on stage?

"We're here!"

Namjoon groaned. Jimin automatically looked back at his phone as the others came into the room. Hoseok was done with his shower.

It was time to break out of his shell. Jimin hated it.

-------

The board game night actually wasn't that bad. Jimin was really awkward at the beginning. He didn't know where to look and what to say, but the others didn't seem to care about the awkwardness. They talked just as much as they always did. Jimin wasn't always expected to carry the conversation.

It was hard though. It was always hard. The others didn't know how scared he felt inside. He didn't tell them either.

What if they thought that he was overreacting?

------

The buzz of the dressing rooms was a familiar sound to Jimin. He sat in the midst of it, getting his eye makeup done. He felt like he was going to pass out. He knew the dance inside and out, he knew his lines, he knew that the performance wasn't super long, but his rational thoughts didn't line up with his anxiety.

Everyone else was so cheerful and carefree...

He wished he could be like that.

The stylist seemed to sense his nervousness.

"You're going to do great," she said softly.

Jimin nodded. "Thanks," he mumbled.

He only had a few more moments to himself. Soon, the venue staff came into the dressing room to say that they were up in ten minutes. Then he had to get out of his chair and walk towards the main backstage area.

"You look great Jimin," Taehyung said. He smiled. "The red looks good on you."

"Thanks," Jimin said. He nodded. Just looking out onto the stage was making him shake. He took several deep breaths.

It was okay. He was going to be okay. He wasn't going to mess up.

"Come on, come on, line up, come on!"

Jimin stumbled to get into his position. His face was shoved into Jin's back. He could barely breathe.

"Jimin, you okay?"

"Mmm..."

Hoseok went quiet. Jimin's heart thudded. He was so terrified.

The lights turned dark and they headed out onto the stage. Jimin was shaking. The music started in his earpieces and then they were moving. Jimin fought to remember everything that he had practiced. He never bothered to glance at the audience and try to interact. Everything was moving too quickly. The faster it was over, the faster his anxiety would end.

When the music finally stopped and he held his ending pose, Jimin nearly recoiled in shame. He did awful. His dancing wasn't strong enough. What if he got into a scandal? What if people started attacking him for not looking energetic enough? Jimin's mind raced with thoughts.

"Jimin!"

Taehyung tapped his shoulder.

"Jiminie, it's over, come on."

Jimin nodded. He relaxed his body and followed him off the stage. It doesn't matter how awful he thought he did, it was over now. Oh but what if people made fun of him? He couldn't be happy as long as these thoughts continued.

When he went backstage, he immediately went to the dressing room. Jimin felt like crying, but he held himself together. He was done, he had finished, he had done what he was so scared of, he had performed. Isn't that what mattered?

"Jimin?"

He whirled around. Hoseok was standing there, along with Yoongi.

"You know, you did absolutely great," Yoongi said. "I heard you muttering to yourself about your performance. But honestly, you did amazing. Really."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Hoseok said. He shrugged. "Maybe a bit shy, but your dancing and everything was fine."

Jimin's eyes welled up with tears. He nodded. "Ye-" His voice broke off.

"You did great," Yoongi repeated. He grabbed Jimin and wrapped his arms around him. "Don't cry."

Hoseok also joined in the hug. Jimin was pressed in between them. He kept weeping. The past few weeks had been so stressful for him. Things weren't going to get miraculously better for him, but this was a start.

"You're doing great Jimin, please don't doubt yourself," Hoseok said. "I know it's hard."

Jimin couldn't make out a reply. He clung onto Yoongi and Hoseok as tightly as he could. Social interactions were always going to be hard but this was one step.

"It's okay Jimin, you did great."

--------

Chapter Text

"How are you doing?"

The question caught Jimin off guard. He never did know how he was doing. He tried to bury his feelings down most of the time, so they wouldn't get in the way of his actions. So they wouldn't embarrass him like they had done for so very long. If he ever felt scared, he always told himself that he was being ridiculous.

So yeah, this question was easier asked than answered.

"I'm alright," he said lamely. It was the only answer that came easily to his lips.

She smiled. He had never stopped seeing her since the scandal had happened, which must have been over two years ago. It still followed him around. She helped provide an outlet for him to talk. Even so, he had to be careful to censor some of his thoughts.

"I was thinking, do you ever want the others to come in and listen to what you have to say? I think it would provide a good way for you all to heal. In here, conflicts are less likely to happen."

Jimin's eyes widened. The others in here? They weren't going to judge him anymore, that was for sure, but he was going to have to talk about them in front of them. He was so awkward now. He could barely open his mouth without feeling the inherent need to close it again.

No, he wasn't going to be able to get a word out.

She continued without even batting an eyelash, "That way, they could hear your concerns. They could provide some of their own. It would be a healthy conversation for everybody involved."

Jimin nodded.

"Only if you're comfortable though," she said. "I have a feeling that the others would be more than willing to come and talk, but that you are a bit more hesitant. Which is fine! The decision is yours to make. Whatever you say will happen."

Jimin nodded again. There was one thing that he really wanted. It was silly - so much time had passed, it probably wasn't even worth it - but the idea still made him get excited. That song that he wanted so badly to be done his way had been scrapped a long time ago. But maybe, just maybe...

He knew that he would never have the courage to ask them himself. It would have to be through someone else.

"Okay," he said before he could regret it.

Her face lit up in a smile. She probably was thinking that she was a genius. But Jimin regretted his decision before he could even finish closing his mouth.

-------

"I have something to tell you," Jimin said.

He decided to bring up the topic during dinnertime when all the members were there. That way, he could get away with talking about it only once and there would be no confusion over what he said. The last thing he needed was them getting mad all over again.

"Yeah?" Jin asked.

Suddenly, they were all looking at him with owlish gazes. Yoongi smiled nervously.

"What is it? Something bad?" he asked.

Jimin shook his head. He let his chopsticks clatter into his bowl. The tops lay dangerously close to some stray sauce. He didn't mind.

"Gahyeon asked if you guys could come in one day and, you know, just talk. Like as a group. All of us."

An awkward silence followed. Jimin glanced around, waiting for a reaction. Hoseok and Namjoon glanced at each other.

"That, that sounds like a good idea," Namjoon said finally. He nodded. Jimin watched as he forced a smile to his face. Oh, Namjoon was not a good actor.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Jimin snapped. He immediately slunk into his chair afterward. They would get mad at him for such a remark, and he would have to apologize and...

"No, no I want to go," Jungkook said. "I want to help you."

"Me too," Taehyung said.

Jimin sighed. He hoped that they would change their minds and say no. He didn't want to drag them into that room and make them feel uncomfortable with his emotions. He could feel panic rising through his chest.

"Jimin, you good?"

He snapped back to reality. He nodded.

"I was expecting you all to say no."

Hoseok shook his head, his eyebrows raising. "I don't know why you feel that way. We, okay I don't know about everybody, but I will do anything to help you out."

"Oh, I just-"

"Same," Yoongi said. "Me too."

The others were looking at him with a new look in their faces. He had never seen it before. They all looked hurt somehow, like he had said something that they would carry in their minds forever. Jimin wasn't sure if they were mad or sad though. They just looked pained.

"I-I'm sorry," he mumbled. He shoved the last of his meal into his mouth and stumbled off, his legs shaking. The all-too familiar dread was starting to paralyze him.

"Jimin?"

"We're not done talking, come back!"

He heard the others calling behind him.

"Seokjin hyung, go get him."

Jimin hurried into his room before Jin could catch up to him. He didn't know what was going on with himself. One moment he was talking normally, then the next his mind was a terrified jumble trying not to upset anybody. But he had upset them, he could still recall the hurt look on Hoseok's sharp features. With that one look came a whole torrent of memories for the past two years. The fights and the scandals and more than anything, the dislike. Not just from the public but also from the members. If he could just keep his stupid mouth shut, then none of this would've happened.

He made sure the door was locked. The light stayed off.

Jimin crouched down at the foot of his bed. He wrapped his arms around himself. Closing his eyes, he tried to relax. His heart was beating out of his chest and his eyes were tearing up. How was he always getting everybody else upset?

He didn't register that he was crying until he felt the tears slide down his face. Jimin sniffed. He buried his face into his knees, trying to muffle out the sobs that inevitably escaped.

"Jimin." There was a knock at the door. Jin's voice wafted through.

Jimin didn't reply. He kept his face down, trying to control his breathing. In, out, in, out. Let's go. Jin didn't sound angry. It was fine. He wasn't going to yell at him. Just like Yoongi had said, it was just a talk. Not a screaming match. Goddamn it Jimin, just calm the fuck down.

"Jimin, are you okay?"

He finally lifted his head. "Yes," he called. The waver in his voice indicated that he clearly was not. His loud sniff was a red flag being waved right in front of Jin's face.

"You didn't do anything wrong, none of us are mad," Jin said. Jimin heard him try to open the locked door. The doorknob stayed stiff.

It was like he tapped right into Jimin's anxieties. Jimin gulped, trying to contain his gasps. His chest burned with the lack of air. Tears continued snaking down his face.

"We're all worried about you, please come out," Jin said.

He continued talking like Jimin wasn't going through one of his worst panicking moments in his life. It was weird. It was almost like Jin didn't have so much worry blocking all logical thought processes in his head. It was very unfair.

Jimin heard Jin sigh. "I have the key with me, I'm going to have to open the door. You're worrying me."

"No-"

He heard the key being inserted into the lock. Then a click, and suddenly the room was flooded with light. Jin stepped in, his movements a bit blurry in Jimin's eyes.

Jimin hastily tried to rub his tears away. He sniffed as quietly as he could. He tucked his shaking hands into the pockets of his sweater. But it was too late.

Jin crouched down next to him, his knees knocking into Jimin's. He didn't look happy or sad, but he had that same unreadable, moody look on his face. Jimin shuddered. His heart beat more wildly. It was like a warning siren in him.

"Jimin, Jimin, look at me."

Jimin tried. He tried to look directly into Jin's eyes, tried to remember that Jin wasn't some random guy out to spew hate at him, but his gaze kept slipping. It was easier to look down. The floor wouldn't judge him. It didn't have that look, that expression-

"Jimin, it's okay, I'm not mad."

He shook his head. Everybody said that.

"Please, Jimin."

Jin tried to press forward into a hug which made Jimin scream out loud. He tried to push away but Jin was so much stronger than him that he could only lay weakly against Jin's chest, his breath wheezing.

"What's going on?"

There was another voice at the door.

Jimin felt like crying. More hot tears ran down his face. Some of them ran onto Jin's shirt. Jimin heard him sigh. He was probably annoyed.

"It's us, it's just us Jimin."

Suddenly Namjoon was there and Jimin could make out the worry in his face. He couldn't get out of Jin's grip though, so he could only glance up at him.

"What happened?"

There were more and more voices. Jimin shut his eyes. It was embarrassing. He sat up, fighting against Jin. When he glanced up at Jin, he was surprised at what he saw. There was no look of judgement or anything in Jin's face, just worry, just genuine worry. Jimin saw himself in that expression and he recoiled into himself.

More tears welled up in his eyes. Why was he so paranoid? He always saw things that didn't even exist.

"I'm still so worried," Namjoon said. "I've just never seen him get so worked up."

"Me too," Jin said.

Jimin furiously shut his eyes. His raging emotion didn't drown the conversation out. Instead, he heard every agonizing minute of it, as it explored the depths of his mental instability. Ah, how fun it was to be talked about like he was just a bunch of chemicals out of balance.

"Jimin, we would love to go to your session. I think it would be a lovely way for us to work through this. It's been affecting our group dynamic for so long. I really want it to end," Namjoon said.

Him. He meant him. He was ruining the dynamic of the group.

Namjoon didn't need to say all the words to get his point across. Jimin nodded anyway. He tried to force himself to stop crying.

"Guys, he's alright. Don't stand there and stare like that," Jin said. Jimin finally noticed the others standing by the door. They were watching him like he was some kind of zoo animal.

"When is it?" Namjoon asked.

"Next week," Jimin mumbled.

"We'll be there." Another forced smile.

Jimin winced. This was all turning out to be a perfect nightmare.

-------

"Is there anything that would make you feel better?"

Gahyeon's question was so direct that it knocked the wind out of Jimin for a second. He forced a smile to his face slowly. The others were seated around the couch, staring at him.

Avoiding all their gazes, he quietly said, "Yeah."

"What is it?"

Jimin shrugged. "I know it's stupid, but... I would like if you guys, you know, remake that song the way I wanted it. I know it's been a long time. So much as happened since then. We've made so many songs since then and maybe it doesn't matter anymore. You don't have to do it if it's too much work. Don't worry about it. But if you did remake it, it would make my day."

Gahyeon pressed further. "And why is that?"

"Um... it would make my input feel valued."

"Is that what it's all been about?" Hoseok asked. His voice was so quiet that Jimin barely heard it.

Jimin shrugged again. He glanced down at his hands. He could feel all their gazes on him.

"Did you not feel valued?" Namjoon asked.

"Sure."

He heard Namjoon click his tongue and he couldn't help but feel guilty. Oh, if only he was less sensitive.

The others hummed. Some of them apologized. Resolved to do better. Jimin nodded along.

Sure.

-------

To his great surprise, he was ushered along to the recording studio two weeks along. Taehyung jammed headphones onto his head.

As soon as Jimin heard it, he knew what it was. There were the familiar notes and beats that he had wanted and planned. The voices of the others matched the mood that he had wanted.

"How is it?" Taehyung asked when the song ended.

Jimin nodded. He leaned back into his chair.

"It sounds better this way."

To his surprise, Jin nodded.

"It does," he agreed quietly.

--------

Chapter Text

There was just one concert left. Jimin figured he could easily pull through it without any hassle.

Except he had come down with a bad ear infection.

It wasn't such a big deal really. His balance was a bit wonky, but nothing too bad. He could still dance. And it was okay if he fell a few times, right? Jimin had had his little "accidents" multiple times and nothing big had ever happened from them.

His hearing was a bit iffy but again, nothing too serious. He could still hear. He sometimes felt like he was under a fog, that was all. Jimin felt like he was underwater; his hearing was a little distorted.

It wasn't that bad.

He didn't need to sit out. The others had all performed like this. It would be selfish of Jimin to sit out. Yoongi had performed with a frozen shoulder. Jin had gone to a fansign with a fever. He should be fine. It was just for a few hours, then he could come back home and rest.

He didn't tell the others what was going on either. But judging by their worried glances, they knew that something was going on.

-------

"Jimin?" Jungkook glanced at him in worry. "You seem a bit distracted. You okay?"

The mochi nodded. His ears were hurting. He would take some painkillers in a moment.

He hoped Jungkook didn't ask any further questions.

"Are you ready for tonight?" the maknae flashed a cheeky smile at him. "It's going to be fun!"

"And exhausting," Namjoon added from the side.

Jimin laughed. "I think it's going to be great actually. I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too!" Jungkook said.

"Yeah... me too," Namjoon agreed.

"The rehearsals are all done, that's all I'm thankful for," Taehyung said. "I can't stand in one position for hours anymore."

Namjoon laughed. "Now isn't that all of us?"

"It really is."

Jimin wasn't sure if he could stand at all.

--------

"Whoa... are you alright?"

Jin grabbed Jimin's waist, stopping him from falling down the stairs.

The mochi nodded. His head spun; a worried crease across Jin's face.

"Jiminie, are you okay?"

"I... I am fine..."

"Are you sure you can perform today?"

Jimin blinked. "What? Yeah, of course."

Jin frowned at him. Jimin was bundled up in his arms, his eyes were glassy and his expression was pained. Something was going on. He gripped onto the mochi's waist a bit tighter and dragged him away from the stairwell. Jin helped him sit down against a wall and sat down next to him.

"If you're sick, you're not-"

"Hyung, I'm okay. I just got a little dizzy."

"Are you eating properly?"

"What?" Jimin shook his head. Maybe that would help clear his ears a bit. "No. I'm eating fine. Just tired."

"Okay..." Jin sighed. He shot another glance at the mochi. "Please, take care of yourself, alright?"

"Yeah..."

Jimin rested his head against Jin's shoulder. The eldest's arm snaked around his back, a warm comfort that soothed him. His ears were throbbing. He felt dizzy and a bit nauseous, but he was going to be alright. He was just going to take a quick nap here. Then he would be fine.

"Hey, don't sleep here. Let's get you to the couch."

Jimin hummed to Jin's distant words. His ears were ringing; distortion and static rendered him deaf.

When Jin lifted him up and carried him to the couch in the waiting room, Jimin was already fast asleep.

------

He woke up about an hour later. The other boys were starting to get ready. Hoseok was running around shirtless, trying to find where he put his phone. The sight of that was making Namjoon laugh.

Jimin had a blanket over top of him. There was also a large hoodie draped over him, probably belonging to Jungkook.

"Jimin, you're awake!"

He blinked wearily up to see Yoongi sitting next to him. The rapper had a fond smile playing on his lips as he reached out to pat Jimin's hair.

"How are you feeling now? Jinnie hyung said that you got a bit dizzy before. Are you doing a bit better now?"

Jimin sat up slowly. His ears were still hurting. His legs felt weak.

"I'm fine hyung," he said.

Yoongi nodded. "Okay."

-------

Fans were cheering. Jungkook couldn't hear them but he could feel the energy coming from them. It was almost electric, keeping him alive and making his heart beat.

He glanced over at all the others.

They were on a moving platform, several feet in the air. It was rotating so the members could face the whole stadium every few minutes. Jin wasn't too fond of these, he was always scared that he would fall.

Jungkook wasn't too concerned. Like, he wasn't getting too close to the edge anyway, right? He kept his distance. He knew where to go. He could keep his balance.

But as he looked around at all the other members, he realized that maybe Jimin couldn't keep his balance. It wasn't in a funny way. The maknae knew that Jimin was sick. He wouldn't be "tripping" and "getting distracted" so easily then.

He couldn't move closer to Jimin in any way without seeming suspicious. The staff members had planned for the show to be this way. They wanted each member to be in a very specific position.

But Jungkook inched towards Jimin anyway. He kept his eyes towards the mochi as much as he could without being too obvious about it.

-------

Jimin was doing great. He felt a little light-headed, but his ears weren't hurting as much. The distorted feeling had faded. He didn't feel quite as sick before. The painkillers must've worked.

He said something into his mic. He couldn't hear himself clearly. A quick glance later, he noticed Jungkook wasn't in his position. He was coming towards him...

Jimin felt his face blush red. There wasn't a single moment when the members weren't fussing over him. It was so annoying at times. He was absolutely fine!

He stepped a little closer to the edge, crouching down.

Jungkook's alarm bells went off. He couldn't hide his worry anymore. Yoongi glanced in Jimin's direction too.

Get away from there Jimin!

Jimin grinned at the audience. The fans way below him cheered and waved their lightsticks.

Jimin!

"Love you ARMY!" he screamed.

J꙰i꙰m꙰i꙰n꙰, y꙰o꙰u꙰ l꙰i꙰t꙰t꙰l꙰e꙰ s꙰h꙰i꙰t꙰...

Hoseok was about to storm over and pull him back by the collar when Jimin finally stood up.

The mochi waved one time. He didn't notice Yoongi, Hoseok and Jungkook right behind to catch him if he fell.

He tried to take a step to the side. He was still right on the edge. But as he lifted his foot to take a step, he lost his balance. A flash of sudden pain overtook his ear and he pitched forwards. He reached out to try and grab something, but there was only empty air. Yoongi tried to grab him, but couldn't reach Jimin's hand in time. Hoseok froze in place, the colour draining out of his face.

Jungkook screamed.

Namjoon, Taehyung and Jin turned around in time to see Jimin fall down to the main stage several feet below.

-------

He can't move at all. He was on his left side. There was so much pain that he couldn't breathe.

Jimin screamed. His throat went raw with the amount that he screamed. His mic was nowhere to be seen. Nobody could hear him. It hurt to scream. He couldn't move his jaw properly. The fans were freaking out.

Sharp, fiery pain was starting around his left hip area. Jimin couldn't move his leg at all. He tried to get up but as soon as he tried, the pain would get a hundred times worse. He was stuck. His chest ached. Jimin felt a slight jolt of relief when he realized that he hadn't hurt his head too badly, except for slamming his jawbone into the ground. At least it wasn't the top of his head, he tried to think. But he couldn't really think. The pain was unreal.

Jimin couldn't hear anything going around him either. His ears were more blocked than ever. He had in-ears in. He was practically deaf. The backing track kept playing like some sick background music.

Panic started to set in. People could see him. The fans right in front of him looked just as scared as him.

Jimin felt tears come to his eyes. Then he blacked out. No more horrible pain. That was the plus.

-------

The stage lights went dark. Staff members rushed up to where Jimin was. The members were taken off the stage and into the waiting room. Hoseok could barely walk. The others shuffled along quietly, as if saying anything would make the whole situation much worse.

An ambulance was called.

--------

"They're saying he has a hip fracture," Namjoon said. He was on the phone with one of the staff members who were with Jimin. The paramedics had arrived and they were trying to get Jimin onto the ambulance.

"Oh no..." Yoongi mumbled. He sank down into a chair, face white.

Jin sighed and shook his head. "I should've stopped him from performing, ahhh, I should have known..."

His words went unanswered. Jungkook stared off into space, wondering if things would've been different if he had just walked faster. Tears dripped down his face.

-------

There was blood pooling inside his leg. Jimin's face was pale. He ribs were cracked and broken. They had torn open his lung.

The paramedics loaded him onto an ambulance as fast as they could. A saline drip was started. Jimin was still unconscious, drool starting to drip past his lips. A few of his teeth were broken. His jaw was broken. His ankle was broken.

Jimin's hip was swollen and a purplish bruise was beginning to develop.

Taehyung started crying too.

-------

Two hours after Jimin had been taken to the hospital, he was taken into the operating room. The hospital staff had decided to go ahead with a total hip replacement. Jimin's hip bone was severely damaged to the point where a hip repair wouldn't be able to work.

The blood from the internal bleeding was sucked out first. The saline drip kept going.

The surgeons replaced the top of Jimin's thigh bone with an artificial part made of metal. The surface of the socket that the thigh bone goes into also had to be replaced. That was done with a metal shell that was lined with plastic. The joint wouldn't last forever. In ten to twenty years, Jimin would need to have another surgery.

Jimin's jaw was wired shut and it was going to stay like that for several weeks. He was only going to be able to drink liquids with a straw until then. Crowns were put on his broken teeth, after root canal treatment was done.

His ankle bone was set properly and casted it up. Compared to the other injuries, this wasn't too complicated.

Then there was his ribs and lungs. The blood pooling inside again had to get sucked out. Metal plates and screws were attached to his ribs to help them stay in place. His lung was stitched up and left to heal. Jimin's breathing was weak and wheezy, but he was alive and breathing. He required an oxygen mask, but he had pulled through.

------

The nurses wanted Jimin to be up and walking within one to two days after his surgery. It was important for him to start moving around a hip surgery because if he got bedridden, bad things could happen.

The others were with him as much as they could. Jimin couldn't say anything to them because of the wire in his jaw, but he hoped that his eyebrow raises and hand movements were okay for communication.

The protein shakes became his meals.

A heavy boot was put around his ankle. Jimin was given a walker. And he was told to walk around his room and down the hallway as much as he could. He depended on strong painkillers to keep him going. His lungs were weak for the first few days but they gradually started to get stronger. His chest still hurt from his broken ribs though.

His parents came and visited him. They scolded him for not paying attention to his health and not listening to the other members. Jimin only held onto his mother's hand and looked at his brother's face. Jihyun looked terrified all the time. He probably was. Everyone was.

-------

The physiotherapy would take a long time. Jimin started working hard on it. He ignored the people who were trying to tell him how he was probably never going to be able to dance the same way ever again.

Jimin kept trying. Physiotherapy for his hip, for his ankle, for his jaw... it was all so exhausting and difficult.

But Jimin kept going. He made a full recovery after about four months after the accident. He took the rest of that year off to rest and recover.

Jimin should've just said so to the other members about how he wasn't feeling well. But now, he was back on the stage and you would be lying if you said that he hadn't learned his lesson. He promised to himself that whenever he was sick, he would make sure to tell the others and let them know exactly what was going on.

-------

Chapter Text

Jimin had diabetes. He had had it for as long as he could remember. It didn't pose any major challenges for him actually, all he had to do was remember to take his medication and his meals on time and then he would be absolutely fine.

The others were a bit overprotective when it came to him. There were times when Jimin forgot and they would lecture him to take better care of himself. He tried his best to listen to their words and not take offense to them. After all, they were meaning well. Not taking the medication would be dangerous for Jimin's health. Skipping meals would be hazardous as well.

But you know how the life of an idol was. Often times, things and schedules were unpredictable. Jimin sometimes had to squeeze in his meals at strange times. Sometimes he simply forgot to eat. Sometimes he wouldn't want to. He forgot to check his blood sugar levels sometimes.

He felt fine most of the time. Jimin wasn't too concerned. He didn't feel super guilty when he forgot to do something. It wasn't like he was going to combust on the spot.

-------

"Jimin?"

Hoseok tapped his plate with one of his chopsticks.

"Are you okay?"

Jimin nodded. "I'm fine."

"You seem a bit distracted."

"Yeah, I'm thinking... about the songs and choreographies and you know..."

Hoseok raised his eyebrow. "Want to practice tonight?"

"Yeah!"

"Just the two of us?"

"Yes!"

Hoseok laughed. "Eat your food up Jimin. We'll go at around eight, okay? Otherwise the others would still be there."

--------

Jimin forgot to eat that night. The thought of eating something must've crossed his mind at some point but by the time dance was over, he was so exhausted that he could only go to bed.

He faced a lecture from Hoseok in the morning. The late-night dance practices ended.

-------

After those nights, Jimin really made sure to remember to eat at the proper time. He took his medication at the right times too.

But then the management announced that they wanted to get a surprise album out. They had three or four songs finished and seven more had to be done in four weeks. Namjoon tried his best to protest. He knew that doing this would not only endanger the health of the members, but also might affect the quality of the album.

Nobody listened.

But Namjoon was right.

Dance practices lasted from seven in the morning until one. Then after an one hour break, it was time to head over to vocal practice. They sang the same notes over and over again. They stayed up some nights to review the songs with the producers. There was the constant recording and re-recording and the editing and the fixing and the practicing...

Then there were the deadlines.

"Jin, make sure you get that hair dyed properly!"

"Hoseok, you better lose those three pounds!"

"Jungkook! Get a move on!"

They were all close to breaking.

Jimin didn't want to worry the others. He set himself more reminders on his phone so he wouldn't forget to take care of himself. The dance practices were draining.

------

Jin trudged inside. Jimin was at the dinner table, eating his meal. Jungkook was there too. There were dark circles around both of their eyes.

"Hyung, are you okay?" Jungkook asked.

Jimin glanced up.

"I can't do this anymore," Jin mumbled. His lip trembled. He sank down to the floor, not caring about anything else. There were too many deadlines. He couldn't keep up.

"Get some rest tonight," Jimin said. "That should help you."

He got up and crouched in front of the eldest.

"I can't! I still haven't gotten the dance down right!"

"Calm down hyung, you're okay."

Jungkook was beside Jimin too. He grasped Jin's hand tightly, squeezing it in rhythmic intervals.

Jin gasped. His breathing picked up. Jimin felt his heart break.

"Hyung, you need to breathe. Come on," Jungkook said. There was a hint of fear in his voice.

Jimin touched Jin's shoulder. "It's alright hyung. I can help you with the dance. It will be okay. Don't panic like this hyung. It's not going to help."

Jin's heavy breathing stopped for a moment. Jungkook seized his chance.

"Take him to his room. He's not going to vocal practice today. He's going to rest."

-------

Those little breakdowns started getting more and more common in the dorms. Everything was weighing down more heavily.

There were little things starting to worry Jimin too. He kept waking up in the middle of the night, shaking from a nightmare. He could never remember what the nightmare was exactly about but it was scary. Jimin had too many things on his mind, it was probably from that. They were all scared that they were going to screw something up. It was probably that. Jimin didn't really have time to worry about his health right now.

With the busy schedules, he barely had enough time to eat and sleep. He never had time to check his blood glucose levels. Jimin felt fine. Except for the frequent nightmares, Jimin was probably healthier than the others. At least he wasn't having panic attacks and having crying fits.

------

Taehyung frowned. Jimin was drifting off again.

"Jimin, you need to pay attention."

"Huh?" Jimin nodded. "I am."

"Yeah," the second maknae said. "I asked you to sing your part again because I keep messing mine up."

Jimin listened. He sang his part again, for what seemed like the twenty-fifth time that day. His throat was starting to hurt. He also felt slightly light-headed. Probably too much dance. The agency had started telling them some of them to wake up at five and do a workout. Jimin was unfortunately one of them. The lightheadedness was probably from that.

Taehyung groaned. "I can't do it!"

Jimin glanced sympathetically towards him. Taehyung's face was red. He was staring angrily at the music sheet on the stand in front of him. There were scribbles all over it.

"You can, just- "

"I've been sitting here since last night! I still can't do it!" Taehyung kicked the music stand over. It fell with a clang onto the floor. Jimin sighed.

"What is the hard part for you?"

"Everything. I can't do it. It's too hard."

"Does it not sound the way you want it to?" Jimin asked. "Because your voice doesn't sound like its off-key or anything like that."

"It sounds wrong though."

Jimin was going to reply, but his heart suddenly started beating faster. Taehyung didn't seem to notice. He was too busy glaring at his feet.

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom, then we're going to try again," Jimin said. He got to his feet shakily. He was dizzy all of a sudden.

Taehyung glanced over at him. "Yeah, you go do tha-... wait Jimin, you're okay, right? You're shaking."

"I'm fine, no worries," Jimin said with a strained smile on his face. "I shouldn't have gone to the workout this morning. I'm wiped out now."

Taehyung nodded. "Just skip. What are they going to do? Take a knife and cut off all our fat-"

Jimin chuckled. He stumbled out the door and towards the washroom. Once he got there, he locked the door and collapsed onto the floor. Was he going into shock? Jimin panicked for a few moments before his heartbeat seemed to slow down on its own. It was fine. He was okay.

-------

It was during the dance practice the next day that it happened again. They were reviewing a dance when Jimin's heart started beating all weird again. This time, he couldn't keep his balance and he ended up falling to his knees. He must've groaned because the others were on his case immediately.

Hoseok crouched next to him, using his arm to keep Jimin upright.

"Jiminie?"

"Are his blood sugar levels low?" Yoongi asked. He stared worriedly at the two.

"Jimin?"

"Huh?" The mochi groaned again. Hoseok's grip got tighter. Jimin tumbled into his arms. The world around him was spinning too quickly for him to realize what was going on around him. "What-what... is go-"

"Does anyone have those blood sugar meter reader thingies?" Namjoon asked. He got up to go ask the managers. Taehyung and Yoongi went with him.

Hoseok kept his arms wrapped around Jimin. He gently rocked him to keep him awake. Jimin kept frowning and shaking his head. Jungkook and Jin glanced worriedly at him.

"Has he-" Jin cleared his throat- "been eating properly? Taking his medications?"

"Yeah," Jungkook said. "I think he has."

"It's probably all this physical activity," Hoseok said. "I don't think he has been eating enough to compensate all this."

"What?" Jimin mumbled.

"We have it!"

Namjoon burst through the door with a monitor in his hand. He handed it over to Hoseok who poked the test strip into Jimin's finger. The mochi whimpered quietly when the blood showed up on it and the pain flooded through him. His face cleared quickly after that. He looked more confused than ever. He started to mumble random things.

"Yeah, it's low," Hoseok said after a while of examining the monitor.

"Does someone have sugar?"

"No! Get the glucose tablets!"

Taehyung scurried off again. Within a moment, he was back with the container. He dumped four into his hand.

"Jimin, can you sit up?"

Hoseok pushed him upright. Jimin blinked, staring in confusion at Taehyung. He could still feel his heart beating out of his chest. Truth be told, he wasn't feeling all that great.

"Here, take these," Taehyung said. He grabbed Jimin's hand and put the four pills in them. Jimin closed his fist and sat there, not knowing what to do next.

"Put them in your mouth and chew them," Hoseok said. He helped Jimin open up his fist again and then finally, Jimin put the tablets in his mouth. He tried to lay back down immediately but Hoseok held him up until he was done chewing them properly. Jungkook stepped forward when Jimin was laying on Hoseok's lap again.

"We should take him to the couch in the dressing room. He can rest better that way," he said.

Hoseok agreed.

Jungkook scooped Jimin up and carried him to the dressing room. The others were told to keep going with their dance practice. The maknae decided to stay with Jimin though and wouldn't budge no matter what the managers tried to say.

-------

Jungkook made sure to check Jimin's blood sugar levels every fifteen minutes. They were slowly rising. He noticed that Jimin was gradually becoming more alert and like his usual self. After forty-five minutes, the mochi said he was feeling a lot better. He sat up and got up from the couch without stumbling and was talking a mile a minute, just like usual. Jungkook concluded that he was fine.

But even though Jimin asked to go back to the dance practice, Jungkook decided to take him back home. He didn't want anything else happening to Jimin. Getting some rest would probably help things get better.

--------

"Are you feeling better?" Namjoon asked.

Jimin nodded. He slid off his bed. He had been checking his glucose levels every fifteen minutes. It was well within a normal range now.

"How was the practice?" Jimin asked.

"It was good."

Namjoon nodded. He ruffled Jimin's hair.

"Do you think you should go to the doctor just to make sure?"

"No, I think I'm good."

"Are you positive?"

"Yeah," Jimin said. "You guys worry too much. I forgot to check my levels. That's-"

"Jimin!"

"I'm sorry."

Namjoon shook his head. "No, that's a big deal. I think you should still go to the clinic just to make sure that everything okay."

Jimin frowned. He hated the clinic. The doctor was never careful when he stabbed his finger to get his readings. Don't get him wrong, it was always painful, but the clinic ones were awful.

"I can take you tomorrow," Namjoon said.

"Fine."

"And Jimin?"

"Yeah?"

"We decided to move the comeback back."

There was a beat of silence.

"I'm sorry, that was my fault," Jimin said.

"Not at all. We're all getting burned out and sick with the amount of work, not just you." Namjoon smiled tiredly. "I can't think clearly with the amount of sleep I haven't gotten."

"That... that doesn't make any sense, hyung."

"Exactly!"

Jimin laughed. He hugged Namjoon tightly. At the back of his mind, he was so thankful that the comeback had been pushed back.

--------

"How did it go?"

"It went well. Everything's okay with Jimin. His medication got changed around a bit though. Hopefully that's going to help things."

--------

Chapter Text

Jimin had never gotten an official diagnosis, but the others knew and they could tell. The obsessive exercising, food rituals and secretive behaviours could only mean one thing: Jimin had an eating disorder.

The others and the agency had done everything they could to convince him to get help. They had tried booking appointments, tried reasoning with him, tried making him eat, tried yelling at him, tried to comfort him, and many many others. They had run out of avenues to choose from, but the engine kept running.

It was horrible to see Jimin waste away. The dance practices were awful. Jimin kept stumbling, falling, and sometimes fainting altogether. Yoongi tried to stop him from going to dance practice, explaining how dancing a lot was detrimental to Jimin's fragile health, but the mochi was determined to go.

All of it weighed very heavily on the others. Jin tried his best to make meals. Jimin rarely ate them in front of him. Even if he did, Jin had to tell him exactly how many calories he thought it contained. They all begged Jimin to do something. They all tried.

But nothing worked.

Jimin refused to go in to see anybody. He ended up in the hospital multiple times, but he still refused. Jimin wouldn't go. He would cling to his self-destructive behaviours until he died. The others couldn't make him do anything. No.

It wasn't just his physical appearance that had changed, but also the person himself. Jimin was a hollowed-out shell of the person he used to be; a 3-D person who had been pushed flat. Jimin couldn't think straight himself. He spent his free time planning out meals and workouts. The others tried having dinners together. But after Jimin had a meltdown and refused to come down, that ended.

------

It was one of those days that Taehyung snapped. He couldn't bear trying to reason with Jimin anymore. It was too painful. He had to do something.

Taehyung started changing his eating habits too. He only ate when Jimin ate. Jimin skipped a lot of his meals. Taehyung started doing the same. If he didn't see Jimin eat, then he didn't eat either. If Jimin worked out to the point of exhaustion, Taehyung did too. If Jimin binged and ate a lot and made himself throw up, Taehyung did too.

Taehyung was hoping that Jimin would see what he was doing. He hoped Jimin realized that it was horrible. There were no benefits of doing this to himself. Taehyung hoped Jimin realized that.

-------

"Taehyung, why aren't you eating?" Hoseok asked.

Jimin was sitting by himself on the living room couch, fidgeting with his sleeve. Taehyung was sitting with him. The others were at the dining table. Yoongi had made breakfast.

"I'm not hungry," Taehyung said.

"So you're not going to eat anything at all?" Yoongi asked. His eyes turned sad.

"I'm sorry hyung."

The others didn't argue. Yoongi sat down in his spot and didn't say anything to the others for the rest of the day.

Jimin didn't say anything. He felt sick. Why was Taehyung doing this?

-------

After a month, Taehyung was still going with his plan. He usually lost weight quite quickly, and now was no exception. He was just as shaky and exhausted as Jimin now.

The others had tried talking to him but nobody could get him to understand either. Taehyung was determined to help Jimin. In his opinion, he thought that trying to copy Jimin's behaviour would help him realize how sick he was.

It was worrying.

Taehyung tried to talk to Jimin too. He tried to bring it the topic up, but Jimin didn't listen.

Truth be told, Jimin was hurt. He didn't need Taehyung doing this to him. He was already struggling enough. He didn't want to watch his best friend get sick too. He couldn't just stop if he wanted to. He couldn't erase his insecurities and body image issues just like that. Taehyung cared immensely and Jimin knew that. But he didn't know how to properly show support.

-------

Both Taehyung and Jimin were sick and weak. Dance practice was scary for the others. They both collapsed regularly. Jungkook tried to get them to take vitamins. They didn't want to. It was hard for Taehyung to continue with it. But he wanted to.

Jin, in particular, was getting extremely upset. It hurt him to see the two getting so sick. He had tried to ask Taehyung what was going on, but the second maknae never directly answered his question. There was something really painful about watching two of his younger members waste away. Two of his friends. Two of his little brothers. It hurt Jin to know that, even though he was trying, his trying wasn't enough.

-------

"Taehyung?"

Uh oh. It was Jin's voice. Taehyung laid down on his bed and pretended he was sleeping. Jin's footsteps stopped at his doorway.

"I know you're not asleep. Get up."

Jin pulled Taehyung up into a sitting position. Though his action was rough, there was a deep gentleness and concern coming from his eyes when Taehyung looked at them.

"Taehyung please," Jin said. There were tears dripping down his face. "Why are you doing this?"

"I-I..."

"It's painful for us to see this, you know? Do you need help? I..."

"Jin hyung, no..." Taehyung leaned towards Jin and put his hand on his back. "I'm trying to help Jimin. I'm-"

"You're not helping him though! You're hurting him more by doing what you are doing!" Jin sobbed.

"No, I am." Taehyung's voice was the opposite of Jin's. It was deep and calm. "He'll get better, you'll see."

"But he's not... he's not, he's not improving... you know how much we tried to convince him to get help. Nothing has worked. Don't destroy yourself too. Please," Jin pleaded. He looked up at Taehyung's face. "Please, Taehyung. For hyung. For all of us. Even Jimin. You're not doing anything other than hurting yourself. It's hurting Jimin too. You're putting pressure on him. Taehyung-"

"No."

"Listen to me please-"

"Hyung, you're the one who doesn't understand. Nothing else has worked. We've tried explaining to him. At the end of the day, if Jimin doesn't get the help he needs, he could end up chronically ill or dead. Maybe this can save him."

Jin shook his head. He was still crying, but it had been reduced to small sniffles.

"You're an idiot, Kim Taehyung. I hope you know that."

-------

Jimin sat down heavily on his bed. There was something nagging in his mind. He had noticed Taehyung's wrists at dance practice. They had grown so bony that Jimin could reach over and snap them in half if he wanted to. Taehyung's thighs were smaller. His arms. His face. His body in general.

Why wasn't Jimin getting there? Why did Taehyung diet for only a month or so and get further than him? Why was he such a failure at everything?

He sighed and pulled at his hair. A few strands came out. His hair fell out easily now.

Hoseok peeked inside.

"Do you need anything Jimin?"

Jimin didn't say anything.

"I know what you need!" Hoseok said. "You need a friend!"

His enthusiasm was so forced that it nearly made Jimin start crying. They were all trying so hard for him. Taehyung was going so far as to start starving himself.

"Hey, it's okay," Hoseok said. He sat down beside Jimin on the bed. "Do you want to talk or just sit together?"

"Just sit," Jimin mumbled.

He didn't want to admit it, but he felt a little stronger after Hoseok came.

------

Taehyung knew it was coming. He knew that Jin would tell the others about their talk together. Sure enough, the next evening, Namjoon was knocking on his door.

"Taehyung," he said as he came in. "Can we talk?"

"Hmm... yeah?"

Namjoon sat down on the bed, inching closer to wrap Taehyung in a hug. "Why do you think... this is a good idea?"

"I think that if Jimin sees the damage that's being done to my body with the extreme diet, maybe he'll start thinking about getting help too...? It makes sense Namjoon hyung, doesn't it?"

Namjoon's face was ashen grey. "Taehyung... that isn't going to work. You're putting pressure on Jimin."

"No, I'm not."

"Why don't you ask him that?" Yoongi asked. He stormed into the room, dragging Jimin behind him. The mochi looked terrified. The other members were right behind them.

"We need to talk," Yoongi said softly. "Please. We're falling apart."

Jimin started to cry. Tears trailed down his face. "It's all my fault... I always screw everything up..."

"You screwed nothing up Jiminie."

"Yeah, you did nothing wrong."

Namjoon glanced up. "We're going to talk this out. Jimin?" He got up and hugged the mochi tightly. "Oh... Jimin... it's okay, you'll be okay."

Hoseok launched himself onto the bed beside Taehyung. Jin shuffled in slowly. His face was red. Jungkook stood in the corner.

"We just... need to come up with a solution to this," Yoongi said. "Taehyung, can you explain why you're doing what you're doing?"

Taehyung nodded. He did what Yoongi told him to do. Hoseok kept his hand on his back. Jimin didn't really react, only keeping his face buried in Namjoon's shirt.

"... I feel like it's going to help?" Taehyung shrugged. "I'm willing to do anything to help Jimin. Just... I don't know..."

"How do you feel about Taehyung doing this, Jimin?" Hoseok asked.

"Sad."

"Why?"

"... because Tae doesn't deserve it."

"Neither do you."

Jimin sighed. Namjoon didn't say anything. He was thankful for that.

"Do you think Taehyung's actions are helping you?" Yoongi asked.

"They're making me sad..." Jimin said again, his voice shaking. He didn't want to be part of this conversation. He wanted to leave.

"Why are they making you sad? Seeing Taehyung get sick is sad for you?" Hoseok asked. His voice was quiet and a serious undertone was present.

"Taehyung is getting sick," Jimin mumbled. "That's sad to watch."

Jin nodded. "Yeah it is."

"Think about it this way. All the scary things you see happening to Taehyung are happening to you too. You mentioned that you feel sad looking at Taehyung now, right? We are watching two of our friends waste away now," Jungkook said.

"I can't stop just because-" Jimin glanced up at Namjoon who gently shushed him.

"We're just trying to get you some help," Namjoon said. "Nobody is expecting you to get better on your own. That isn't possible."

Jin agreed. "It can help Jimin. You feel miserable nowadays, don't you? I... I'm not saying that recovery is easy, because it's not, but at least you'll be able to start feeling a bit better."

"Yeah," Yoongi said.

"No..." Jimin fell into Namjoon again. "I don't want to..."

"You'll feel better," Jin said.

"But-"

"Please Jimin."

Taehyung got up to join Jimin and Namjoon's hug. The mochi couldn't help but feel Taehyung's ribs pressing against him. Is that Namjoon felt from him?

"Jimin, you're hurting yourself. Doesn't that scare you?" Taehyung asked.

Jimin didn't reply. It didn't really scare him anymore. He was okay with what was happening to him. He didn't deserve to recover.

"You deserve to feel better and get better Jimin," Namjoon said.

"I can go with you if you're scared, Jimin!" Hoseok said. "If you need moral support, we're always here for you."

"Please hyung," Jungkook said quietly. "Seeing you like this is worrying."

Jimin cried harder. Namjoon and Taehyung clung onto him, onto the fragile shadow he had become. They didn't complain.

"It will be better for you, I promise," Taehyung said.

"I'll book an appointment," Yoongi said.

Jimin didn't say anything to stop him.

------

The plate was too full for his liking. Jimin picked at his food. It was so hard to think clearly when his brain was doing supersonic calculations about calories.

Beside him, Taehyung was eating the exact same thing.

"Is it good?" Hoseok asked.

"Yeah!" Taehyung said.

Jimin reluctantly nodded. He looked at his lap. Were his thighs too big? Uh oh. Why was he eating so much? He still had to lose weight...

"I think, we should all take some time off," Jungkook said. "And, you know, spend some time with each other and our families and other friends."

Just eat. Stop thinking so much. Just eat.

Jimin put more food into his mouth. His stomach rumbled. He was so hungry. The food was good.

"I agree," Jin said. He eyed Jimin and Taehyung carefully while having a small smile on his face.

Jimin forced a smile too. He felt slightly sick but there was a bittersweet joy that came with it. He was beating his illness. He could do it.

-------

Chapter Text

"I mean, I was nearly kicked out of the group multiple times," Jimin said.

"Weren't you kicked out a few days before debut as well?" Yoongi asked.

The others laughed.

Jimin shook his head, sighing. He had really thought the others would say something along the lines of: "No, you're too precious to lose Jiminie!" or "Aww... I'm glad you ended up being picked for our group!" Something more comforting than whatever Yoongi just said. But ah well, the cameras were rolling and Jimin had to keep his composure. The rapper had just been kidding anyway. It was him that initiated all the sweet messages.

"Anyway, I was going to talk about our debut stage," Jimin said.

"We looked like idiots!" Yoongi said.

Namjoon sighed. "My sunglasses-"

"... looked ridiculous."

Namjoon tried again. "My sunglasses-"

"Listen!" Jimin screeched.

Namjoon gave up. "My sunglasses," he mumbled.

"As I was about to say, the debut stage was very difficult for me," Jimin said.

"You looked like a little kid-"

"You were a little kid, shut up Jungkook. As I was saying, the debut stage was hard for me because a few days earlier, I had to get my implant thing re-implanted."

"Right, I remember that," Jin said. "We were all worried."

Jimin nodded. "You should've been."

"I was!"

"I was too Jimin, don't worry. I'm very responsible."

-------

Jimin was born deaf. Not completely, but seriously enough for people around him to get concerned. His parents had taken him to the doctor a few months after he was born and he didn't react at all when the loud rattle thing was played. He simply laid there and stared at the ceiling. When he was a bit older, around three or four, Jimin was told to go a cochlear implant surgery. It sucked because it was very painful and his parents felt guilty for forcing him into it. It took a while for Jimin to get comfortable with it.

-------

Despite getting speech therapy, Jimin always felt more comfortable communicating by sign language. When people talked orally, he had to work twice as hard to remember all the ways the words sounded and to read people's lips. It wasn't easy. People didn't always talk to him while facing him. If they were facing the other way, Jimin would start to have problems. Their voices got muffled if they didn't face him too.

He got yelled at in school once.

The teacher was saying something and he turned his back to write something on the board. Jimin - who practically depended on reading the teacher's lips - quickly lost track of what was said after a point.

He raised his hand and asked if the teacher could repeat himself.

"No, you should've been listening!"

And that was that. Needless to say, Jimin was thankful when he didn't get that teacher the following year. All he had needed was for the guy to repeat himself, not recite the Charter of Rights and Freedoms in Pig Latin. But it was okay, Jimin survived.

His parents mainly talked to him in sign language. It was a bit harder with his friends, one or two of them understood, but the most did not. But at least they didn't mock him. Jimin was a normal kid. He freaked out about his tests and exams like everyone else. He was the valedictorian of his class, apparently because he was so good at math. His parents wanted him to go into engineering and maybe become a professor, but Jimin had other plans. Ever since he was young, he had liked to dance. Maybe he could become a dancer?

His family disagreed. No. Too unstable of a business. His parents urged him not to. Dancers don't make that much money. They wouldn't be around forever to be able to provide for Jimin.

Jimin applied for an agency anyway. Big Hit Entertainment was the one he picked. It wasn't all that hard to get into, given that he was a pretty good dancer and the agency was desperate for more trainees. They were all broke. The agency was near bankruptcy, but Jimin had to look past that. His parents changed their minds when the CEO called them personally to congratulate Jimin for getting in. They were happy for him.

--------

Life at the agency was harder than he expected. Some of the trainees and instructors were quite rude towards him. Jimin knew for a fact that they gossiped about him behind his back. They thought that they were being super smart, but Jimin wasn't stupid. He could see the stifled giggles that they worked so hard so hide.

Initially, Jimin had auditioned to be a background dancer. He knew how to dance. That wouldn't be all that hard. But the agency seemed to have misinterpreted that because when he got his first schedule. He had been given vocal practices. The thing was, he didn't know the first thing about singing. He wasn't all that confident with his ability to talk and form words, how was he supposed to sing?

The first class was pretty terrible, to say the least. He couldn't match any of the notes. Nobody bothered to help him out when it came to figuring out how the notes were supposed to sound. Jimin could tell what the words were by reading lips but not the clear tone or sound. He was sure that everybody there went home to make fun of him. Jimin felt like giving up.

He got his own vocal coach a week later. She was a lot nicer than the general instructor. The studio had a big microphone and a piano. With an instrument that had a cleaner and sharper tone, Jimin could tell the difference a bit more easily. She made him sit right beside her on the bench and sing scales up and down with the piano. He sounded terrible, but she told him that it was a start. Everyone has to start somewhere. She knew sign language too. So much easier to communicate.

His singing was never the strongest aspect of his performance, but under the new coach's guidance, he managed to enjoy it. For his first evaluation, the judges said that his singing was going well. Jimin was doing a lot better.

He made some new friends too. There was one trainee who was the same age as him, named Taehyung. He was nicer than all the others. Jimin and him hung out regularly whenever they had free time. Big Hit was planning on debuting a new boy group and if Jimin got in, he wanted Taehyung to get in too. They got on well, most of the time.

Even so, Jimin contemplated quitting sometimes. He was separated from his family, with a bunch of hooligans who made fun of him, and really, it brought him to tears often. Some of the managers thought he was stupid because it took him a bit longer to follow and carry out directions. It was difficult. But every time he told himself, there were no benefits to quitting. He wouldn't get to achieve his dream of being a dancer if he decided to quit now.

--------

New dorms. Jimin moved into a new building with a bunch of the trainees. He hated it, but at least Taehyung was there too. There were ten to eleven trainees there and some of them were the ones that Jimin despised.

He kept going. He wasn't the most organized there, but he tried to keep his things in order and stay on top of things.

His singing was a constant issue for him. Jimin was behind all the others in terms of learning songs and performing. He could tell that the instructors were considering kicking him out. They didn't a person like him to be in a top hip-hop group.

He kept working with his vocal coach. She said that his voice was sweet and pleasant to listen to. He went off-key a lot. He was terrible at singing and he knew that. Jimin hoped that if he got into the group, he wouldn't get much lines and would get the main dancing parts.

It was okay. His dancing was going pretty well! He got to dance at some local events and Jimin did great. All the other trainees got impressed when they saw him do contemporary dance routines. There was another guy who was good at dancing who stayed in their dorms. His name was Hoseok. Kind of a strange guy. He was quiet and usually kept to himself, but during dance class, he was loud and carefree.

He didn't really talk to Jimin unless it was something about training. At least, at least, at least... he wasn't obnoxious like the other people. People like Yoongi. That guy was always suspicious about Jimin, asking him several times if he was serious about wanting to be an idol. Jimin had tried to be nice to him at the beginning, but after a long argument, they couldn't stand each other.

---------

Jimin was kicked out of the group. He could barely believe it himself. The instructors announced the members and his name wasn't on it.

Taehyung, Hoseok, heck even Yoongi was on it. But not him.

--------

"Where the heck are you going?"

One of the other trainees, Namjoon, tried to block Jimin from leaving. He had been planning on walking around in the city, but it seemed like he wasn't allowed to do that either.

"Out."

"You can't leave though?"

Jimin frowned. "Why not?"

"It's dark outside."

"So?"

"It's dangerous, you're going to get lost."

"No."

"Let me come with you."

"No."

Namjoon shook his head. "No, let me."

Before Jimin could process, Namjoon grabbed his hand and led him through the door.

--------

"I don't think I've ever talked to you properly."

Jimin nodded.

"I'm Namjoon. The ugly one."

"No. You're not ugly."

"What?"

"No, you're fine, really." Jimin looked up at Namjoon. "Is that why you wear sunglasses?"

"Yeah."

They drifted into a comfortable silence as they walked together past the small shops that lined the streets. The river lapped gently below them.

"You didn't get in?" Namjoon asked.

"No."

"I'm sure they'll have a revaluation."

"Huh?"

"Revaluation."

"Right... hopefully," Jimin said. He hoped so. He wanted it so desperately.

"I'm sure they will. You're a good dancer!"

"Have you heard me sing though?" Jimin asked. He shook his head.

"Have you seen me dance before?" Namjoon asked. "I suck!"

"No, don't say-" Jimin started to laugh. He nearly fell onto the ground as he did. Jimin had a habit of throwing himself onto the nearest object whenever he laughed. Namjoon grabbed onto him, trying to steady him. He was giggling too.

--------

There was another evaluation two weeks later. Jimin figured that if he wanted to get in, he needed to work hard. He practiced day in and day out, as much as he could, trying to perfect his vocals and dance. He didn't get proper sleep or food, but that was okay. At the end of the two weeks, he was back into the group. His parents were happy to hear. Namjoon, Taehyung, and Hoseok were proud of him too.

Jimin figured that if he wanted to get into the group, he needed to work hard like that all the time.

------

They were preparing for their debut. A song had been picked and they had filmed a music video. Jimin had been told to go on a diet and work out a lot so he could get abs. It was for the fans, everyone said.

But he had another problem on his hands.

There was a weird ringing sound in his ears now. Jimin was starting to get worried. He couldn't make out what others were saying over the noise. He didn't dare tell anybody what was going on. It was hard enough getting into the group. He didn't want to be kicked out again.

---------

Damn it. He hated this.

-------

Jimin managed to sneak away to see a doctor about his ears. They said there was some problem with his implants. After nearly an hour of poking and prodding, Jimin learned that it was malfunctioning and needed to be replaced.

They were debuting in three weeks. After that, it was going to be a continuous slew of performances and rehearsals. Jimin figured that if he got it now, maybe he could be present for everything.

--------

Jin, one of other members in his group, insisted on visiting him after the surgery was over. Heavy bandages were looped around his head. There was also a horrible burning pain going through his skull, bringing him to the verge of tears. Jimin couldn't really do anything at that point, other than let Jin hold his hand and soothe him.

But it was over. In three weeks, he was going to debut. That's what mattered. Jimin had made it.

-------

Chapter Text

Jimin sniffled. Fuck. There he went, sniffling again. It seemed that no matter how much care he tried to give himself, he always ended up getting sick around this time of the year.

But now there was filming that they had to do. They weren't even in Korea. They had travelled abroad to film their new show. Jimin wanted to be a part of it and not miss out. He also didn't want to drag the others behind. Everyone just wanted this to be over. They wanted a break. Jimin didn't want the filming to stop just because he was sick.

It wasn't even all that big of a deal, but he worked himself up to a breakdown anyway. He sat in his rented room and worried about how everything was going to go wrong. Their schedule would be backed up, their break would get delayed, and it was all because he got sick! Jimin could also just sit out of the show, but that would be upsetting. He wanted to be a part of this. He knew the fans wanted him to be a part of it too.

It wasn't just a big deal, he said to himself. It was just a bit of sniffling. Hopefully he wouldn't start coughing and sneezing anytime soon.

-------

"Your nose is all stuffed up...?" Hoseok asked. "Did you catch a cold again?"

Jimin nodded. He sighed. He couldn't breathe through his nose at all. The tissue box was always next to his bed, just in case something started dripping out of control. His voice was starting to change too. The coughing was going to start within a few days. Jimin had the whole schedule memorized and his body was following it perfectly.

"You're going to be okay to film?"

"Yes, I'm going to be fine."

Hoseok had his doubts, but didn't press further. He knew that Jimin was getting frustrated with himself and it was better for him not to make him more upset.

Every time Jimin felt something drip out of his nose, he had to control the urge to start screaming. He hated it. Every single minute of it. He didn't know when it was going to be over, but it hoped it was soon. He knew that they would have to stop filming. He knew that the directors wouldn't like a coughing, sniffling Jimin in the episodes. They wanted him to be nice and healthy. Something that Jimin couldn't be right now.

------

In the middle of the night, Jimin woke up. He could feel it rising up his chest and before he knew it, he was coughing. It was that dry cough, where the tickle never went away and if you tried to hold it back, your eyes would start watering and you would start choking. Jimin coughed for a good long while, his annoyance rising by the second. His face was beet red when it finally ended.

He grabbed a tissue from the box on his nightstand. He wiped his nose and then threw the tissue into the bin next to him. Jimin slumped back down onto his bed. Again, he felt the cough rising in his throat and he rolled over to his side. The coughs burned his throat. Jimin tried to take a deep breath when there was a small lull in the coughing, but his nose was blocked. He sighed. Then the coughs came back again. Jimin finally got a break five minutes later.

He tried his best to go back to sleep. The tickle in his throat was still present, but he tried to ignore it. Jimin's nose was starting to leak again. He was too tired to get up and wipe his nose, so he just let it be. What's the worst that he could happen? He could always wash his pillowcase in the morning, in case things got all over it. He promised himself not to stick his tongue out in his sleep. The last thing he wanted to do was lick the stuff coming out of his nose. Jimin nearly gagged at the thought. Disgusting.

------

"So, the filming is going to be paused?" Jimin asked. His voice was deeper. He had discovered it when he had woken up. When he tried to say hello to Yoongi in the morning, it sounded like Taehyung was saying hello instead. Jimin had expected Yoongi to laugh, but he had only looked worried.

"Yeah," Namjoon said. "Just until you're feeling a bit better and you sound more like yourself."

"But-" Jimin sighed, realizing that he didn't have any good arguments. He went into a coughing fit again. His throat burned with every cough. It was painful. He was sure that he winced every single time. Namjoon watched him sympathetically.

"See?" Namjoon said after Jimin was alright again. "Take some time off. It will be like a break."

"But didn't you guys want to..."

"Take a break after?"

Jimin nodded. "You guys wanted the filming to finish quickly so we could go see our families and-"

"We'll still get that," Namjoon said. He smiled when Jimin's eyes widened. "Is that why you're so upset? No, we're still going to get time off after this, no matter what."

"Oh."

"This has been said a million times to you, but don't beat yourself up. Please. It's not that big of a deal. What's more important is that you feel better and that you don't force yourself through the filming."

Jimin nodded. "O-okay..."

He shuffled slowly back to his room. Jin and Jungkook weren't in the building, they were out exercising. Yoongi was still in his room. Jimin briefly considered heading to Yoongi to seek comfort but decided against it. He had bothered the others enough.

Despite what Namjoon said, he still felt bad.

-------

"Oh hell, Jimin."

Jimin strained his eyes open. Yoongi and Hoseok's worried faces peered over him. Jimin would've said something to calm them down, but he was feeling even more lousy than before.

He tried to swallow his spit back and his throat stabbed out in protest. Jimin grimaced. His whole body was sweaty and sticky. The bedsheets beneath him felt hot. Hoseok's cool hand was on his forehead.

"Is his fever back?"

"Mmhm."

Jimin groaned. He had to make sure his mouth was open because his nose was too blocked to do anything.

"He hasn't eaten anything all day Yoongi," Hoseok said. "That's not-"

"He's not going to be able to eat anything right now."

Jimin felt restless. He felt like he was suffocating within the bedsheets. He thrashed desperately on the bed, trying to find a way to make himself comfortable. Hoseok pulled his hand away, eyes wide with worry.

"It's just a fever Hoseok, calm down," Yoongi said gently.

"But why is he..."

"Go get a wet cloth, we can put it on his forehead."

Hoseok nodded. The fear gradually melted away from his face as he ran off to get a towel.

Yoongi turned his attention back to Jimin, who was breathing heavily, face red. All of a sudden, he started coughing. Jimin didn't have enough energy to sit up, so he just lay there, hacking up a lung.

"Yoongi..." he mumbled after he was done.

"Everything's okay, don't worry honey."

Yoongi rested his hand on Jimin's back. He could feel his uneven breathing.

"Here... here you go."

Hoseok burst into the room with a wet cloth and a bowl full of water in his hands. He gently placed the bowl down on the nightstand.

"What did you bring that for?" Yoongi asked.

"You know..." Hoseok's mouth twisted into a confused frown. "... to like, redip the cloth if it gets dry...?"

"Ah."

"Yeah."

Yoongi took the cloth from Hoseok's hands. The water wasn't too hot, but rather on the cooler side. Jimin would probably like it. He gently turned Jimin over so he was laying flat on his back. Yoongi put it on Jimin's forehead. Jimin immediately groaned, but the others could tell that the cloth helped.

"He's going to be fine, Hoseok," Yoongi mumbled after a while. "You can go to sleep."

"You?"

"I'm coming, give me a moment."

Hoseok nodded. He slowly shuffled out of the room.

Yoongi quickly gave a pat to Jimin's hand and followed after him. He heard Jimin sigh loudly as he left. Yoongi changed his mind.

-------

When Jimin woke up again, he was shivering. The blankets were tucked up to his chin. Someone's arms were wrapped around his waist. Turning his head, he saw that it was Yoongi.

"What..." Oh. Jimin's voice was deep. "What time is it?"

"Huh?"

Jimin didn't repeat his question. Yoongi's words were thick with sleep. Jimin breathed in as deeply as he could, so nothing would drip out of his nose. He snuggled closer to Yoongi who had drifted off again.

He did like this care that they were giving him. Jimin smiled.

--------

"You feeling better?" Jin asked.

Jimin sniffed. He had a fairly bad headache and his limbs felt like they weighed a hundred pounds, but he did feel a bit more put together than the night before.

"Yeah, sort of."

"Yeah..." Jin nodded. "Yoongi was telling me about how you were feverish last night."

"Ah."

Jimin internally melted when Jin ruffled his hair. He really did like this care. He remembered thinking that exact thought somewhere in the haze of the night.

"I'm going to bring you your breakfast right now, okay?"

"No wait." Jimin's happy little moment ended. Seeing Jin tiredly get to his feet made him start feeling bad again. "Wait, I can go to the dining room and get it myself, you don't have to-"

"No, no, no-"

"Please hyung, I'm not that sick, I swear..." Jimin mumbled.

Jin sighed. "Look Jimin, I know you feel bad about the fact that you're sick, but I can assure you... really... it's fine-"

"But, but... you look tired and-"

"That's because of the filming and stuff, not you."

"I know, but-"

Jin shook his head, before sticking a small smile on his face. "I'll get you your food and then you're going to rest for the whole day. Okay?"

Jimin didn't have in it in him to keep arguing. "Sure."

"Good."

--------

The breakfast had been well-made. It had probably been ordered for them by the managers. Jimin didn't manage to eat all of it, but he did enjoy it. Swallowing still hurt his throat though.

Jin's words had struck a chord in him. Together with Namjoon's words from earlier, Jimin had a whole cadence to play with. It really wasn't his fault that he had gotten sick.

He couldn't stop the cringe of guilt that he felt when the others failed to show their tiredness. Ah... Jimin knew, Jimin knew... he wasn't holding them back or anything. Hard to change his mind about something like this.

--------

Jimin's fever didn't return after that night. It seemed like the illness had run its course through him and he started slowly recovering. He could barely wait for the day when he could go through an entire mealtime without feeling the urge to cough.

The filming finally resumed two weeks after the original scheduled date. Jimin was inclined to be angry at himself, but he tried to not be. It was hard though. They could've all been on break already if it hadn't been for him and his pathetic immune system.

Ah well.

Jimin tried to focus on other things.

-------

"I'm so happy that we're finally done with this," Jungkook commented as he shoved his clothes into his bag. "Now I can go home and sleep for the next two weeks."

"Yeah!"

"You're all energetic again Taehyung!"

"I always get energetic when I think about sleep," Taehyung said.

"Me too."

They went quiet for a few moments. Jimin glanced up from where he was sitting. He was feeling a lot better now.

"I was wanting a break for a long time," Jungkook said after a while. "We've been working without one for... seven months...?"

"Yeah," Taehyung said.

"Also we were supposed to get one two weeks ago..."

Jimin cringed and ducked his head. Yikes. Not again. He felt guilty again.

Taehyung glanced at Jimin's expression and quickly changed the subject.

"It's fine! At least we have one now!"

"Yeah!" Jungkook said. He whirled to face Jimin and gasped. "I wasn't meaning that about you by the way, I'm not complaining about you, I don't mean it in that-"

Jimin laughed. It was hard to feel bad when Jungkook was being so cute.

"It's fine, don't worry."

Jungkook nodded, smiling. "You're absolutely better now, right?"

"Yeah."

-------

Chapter Text

Jimin fainted easily. That's what the other members knew. If Jimin stood in one position for too long, he would start to get dizzy. If he saw blood, he got dizzy. The others didn't know exactly what it was, but they found themselves concerned at times. Jimin claimed that there was nothing wrong with him. But according to the others, there was. Why else would he get dizzy so easily? There was definitely something wrong.

But Jimin knew what he had. He just had vasovagal syncope. He had had to deal with it ever since he was a teenager and to be completely honest, it still did scare him at times. It sometimes happened completely randomly and he had to hang on to someone or something to keep himself steady. Usually, he tried to sit down somewhere and take deep breaths to calm himself down. But that wasn't always possible. If it happened on stage, he always fell dramatically so the others wouldn't suspect anything.

More than anything, the reason why Jimin hadn't told the members about it was because he was scared they would laugh at him. Either that or they would be way too careful around him. They would try and protect him from everything, which would get stifling. Jimin didn't want that.

Hopefully, everything would stay as it was now. The members sometimes got concerned but they weren't too worried.

------

Jimin adjusted his jacket. The room was a bit suffocating. There wasn't any ventilation and the circulating air was hot. It hadn't even been fifteen minutes since he had changed, but he was already starting to sweat. He made sure to sit down, unless...

They were doing a photoshoot for their next album. The stylists had put together their outfits and the makeup artists were just finishing up their perfecting the looks of the members. Unfortunately, the more time they took to get things right, the more impatient Jimin became. He could barely breathe in this poor excuse of a room. Sure, it was set up and decorated nicely, but it was so hot...

It wasn't just him. The others were struggling too. All of them were sweaty and exhausted.

Jimin wasn't lucky. This photoshoot was going to last four or five hours. It hadn't even been half an hour yet.

They were called up for their first pictures. It was the seven of them together. Four of them - Yoongi, Jin, Jungkook, and Namjoon - were sitting down, while the other three were standing. Jimin was going to ask if he could sit down as well, but he figured that would sound rude, so he kept his mouth shut. He managed to keep his face neutral for the pictures. But for whatever reason, the photographer wasn't getting satisfied. She was a perfectionist and she wasn't going to budge without the pictures being absolutely perfect. Jimin wanted to cry.

They went for another ten minutes. Jin had to move his head to the right one time, Taehyung had to lower his shoulders the second time, Hoseok had to lower his pinky the third time... Jimin was going crazy. There was always going to be something wrong.

-------

"Um, can we take a break?" Taehyung asked. "I mean, can I sit down? It's getting-"

"Hold on for a while longer. Come on. Ten more minutes."

Jimin shook his head. The others looked similarly annoyed, but none of them complained. None of them had the energy to complain.

He grabbed Hoseok's hand to steady himself. Hoseok flashed him an uneasy smile. Jimin swallowed back his discomfort. If he could just hang on for ten more minutes...

The pictures kept being taken. This lens was adjusted, then that light was adjusted, everything was taking such a long time. Jimin practically clung onto Hoseok's shirt. Hoseok was looking uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything.

If only he could hang on for a bit longer...

Jimin kept thinking that one sentence. If he said it to himself enough times, he would be alright. He forced a smile at the cameras and tried to keep himself upright.

But in the end, it wasn't enough. He let go of Hoseok's sleeve so he wouldn't fall onto him.

Jimin's legs crumpled and collapsed. He blinked out like a light as he did. Just before he did, he felt someone grab onto him.

------

"Jimin, Jimin, how are you feeling?"

Jin was next to him when Jimin woke up. A fan had finally been brought near him. His clothes had been loosened.

Jimin groaned.

"Let him take a break, don't push him back into the shoot immediately," Taehyung said from behind.

"Yeah," Jin said back.

"Do you think you can sit up?" he asked Jimin a moment later.

Jimin hummed. His legs felt weak and every muscle in his body hurt. Even so, he took Jin's extended hand and tried to pull himself up. His back was drenched with sweat. He couldn't last long in this environment. Jin had to support his back so he could get onto his wobbly legs.

Jin dragged him over to a couch and helped him sit down. The fan was brought near his face again. Jimin sighed.

"We need a break," Taehyung said. "Give us ten minutes, please."

The director threw his hands up. "Yes, sure, that's fine." He looked a bit pissed, but didn't say anything else.

Jimin just wanted to roll over and go to sleep.

-------

Fifteen minutes later, Jimin was back into the photoshoot. The stylists had to fix up his hair and freshen up his makeup again. Jimin's jacket was removed. He had to go stand next to Hoseok, who by the looks of it, was worried out of his mind.

"Are you sure you want to keep going?" he asked quietly.

"I have no choice," Jimin said. "We need to get this done today."

Hoseok sighed. He nodded. They didn't have a moment to spare.

"I'll be fine," Jimin reassured. "Don't worry about me."

"Yeah, okay." Hoseok nodded again. He grabbed tightly onto Jimin's hand right before the photographer started talking again.

--------

By the end of the shoot, another accident had occurred. And Jimin was in trouble. Hoseok had struck his hand against one of the props and had cut his hand. It was a small cut, but it had gone deep and there was a heck ton of blood. Jimin tried to avoid looking at it, but the familiar dizzy feeling had taken over again.

"I'll go get the first aid kit, hold on," Namjoon said. "Hoseok, sit down."

Hoseok agreed. He flopped down onto a couch and leaned back. His hand was stinging, but he was too tired to complain. Standing in this hot room was unbearable.

Jimin didn't move. His head was spinning. Seeing all that blood... His knees shook. He was too hot, he needed to get his shirt off, he was too...

"Jimin!"

He didn't register that he had collapsed until Yoongi's face appeared above his own.

"What happened to him?" Hoseok called. "Did he pass out again?"

Jimin groaned. Yoongi frantically shook his shoulder. Jimin groaned louder. He felt sick.

"Why is he fainting so much?" Taehyung asked. "What's going on?"

"Maybe because he saw the blood, I don't know, maybe." Hoseok shrugged.

"Maybe," Taehyung said.

"Bring the fan over here," Yoongi said. His own face was pale and sweaty. "Jimin!"

Taehyung got the fan and angled it towards Jimin's head.

Jimin stared straight up at the ceiling. The surrounding noise had blended into a steady din. He couldn't think at all. He heard Yoongi saying his name, but he couldn't do anything to respond.

"I think we should call an ambulance," Jin said. "Just in case."

"You're right." Yoongi nodded. "Tell Hobeum hyung, will you?"

"Yeah!"

Jin ran off. Namjoon came back with the first aid kit for Hoseok. His eyes widened when he saw Jimin sprawled on the ground.

"What happened to him?" he asked.

"Collapsed again," Yoongi said. "I think he's awake, but he isn't responding to anything."

Namjoon shook his head. He headed over to Hoseok and sat down in front of him.

"Maybe he can't handle the heat?" Namjoon called. "If so, that's kind of dangerous."

Hoseok held his hand out for him. He had washed his hand and there wasn't too much blood on it anymore. Namjoon started bandaging it up.

"Yeah, I got Jin to tell Hobeum hyung. I think we should take Jimin to the hospital."

"Yeah," Hoseok agreed.

Jungkook was leaning against the wall, staring quietly at Jimin.

"Loosen his shirt," he called. "Yoongi hyung!"

"Huh? Oh, right." Yoongi gently unbuttoned Jimin's shirt and spread it apart. Jimin sighed, closing his eyes.

"I told him, I told him," Jin said. He ran into the room. "They called an ambulance. Don't worry."

"This room is causing this many problems for you guys?" The director asked. "Don't you think that you guys are being a bit much?"

"Yeah, I think we are," Namjoon said quickly. "We're weak and spoiled. Sorry about that."

Jungkook cracked a smile at the director's surprised expression.

-------

Yoongi's big fear was that Jimin had gotten heat stroke or some kind of heat-related illness. But nothing of the sort had happened.

Instead, he was told that Jimin was dehydrated and that he had a fainting condition. He had never known that about Jimin. Jimin had never bothered telling them.

Yoongi felt a bit betrayed.

------

Jimin got an IV in. It wasn't absolutely necessary, but the doctors wanted to be careful. He had fallen asleep in all the hassle anyway, so he didn't feel any pain. In the air-conditioning of the hospital, he finally stopped sweating so much.

He was dressed in a thin hospital gown, nothing heavy.

Yoongi, Jungkook and Taehyung decided to stay with him. The others, tired and exhausted, headed home.

------

"Yoongi hyung?"

Jimin was awake. Yoongi's eyes widened.

"Yes?"

"Do you have water?"

"I can call the nurse, hold up."

In a few minutes, a nurse came over with a glass of water. Taehyung helped Jimin sit up and drink it. Jimin drank it slowly, sip by sip. He took several deep breaths.

"How are you feeling?" Taehyung asked.

"Better. Much better." Jimin sighed. His head felt much clearer. Ah, finally some relief.

"So um..." Yoongi cleared his throat. "We were told that you have a fainting condition. Is that true?"

Jimin ducked his head. Of course, now they knew. He should've expected this.

"Yeah," he said.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Jungkook asked. "Do you know how scary it was to see you repeatedly pass out like that?"

"I'm sorry," Jimin said. "I was going to tell you, it's just..." He finished his water and put the glass on the table next to him. "I'm sorry."

"Just tell us these things, okay?" Taehyung asked.

"I will." Jimin nodded. "I'm sorry."

"What's it called again? Vaso... vaso...?" Jungkook asked.

"Vasovagal syncope," Yoongi said.

"Right."

"So it's just that you faint easily?" Taehyung asked.

"Ee... yeah, kinda. I get dizzy easily and stuff," Jimin said. "It's not as scary as it sounds. I just need to be more careful."

"Yeah see, that director was rude as fuck. I purposefully made a weird face so the pictures would suck," Jungkook said.

"What the..." Jimin laughed. "That's so stupid, but..."

Yoongi and Taehyung grinned.

"How hard would it have been to get some more fans in there or let us take more breaks?" Jungkook asked. "Not that hard! It would've taken us longer yeah, but it would've prevented a hospital trip."

"Yeah..." Taehyung sighed. He tucked a strand of Jimin's hair out of his face.

"And after everything, he was like 'ooh, you guys are overreacting'... like what the heck dude," Yoongi said. He shook his head. "So rude, so rude."

"What the heck dude, no need to be so rude," Jungkook said.

Taehyung laughed. Jimin laughed along, starting to feel more at ease. The lecture hadn't been as bad as he thought it was going to be.

--------

After that, Jimin did take things more seriously. The others would get worried if he didn't. If he felt dizzy or too tired, he made sure to sit down and get a drink of water. He didn't want to overexert himself to the point where he needed to head to the hospital again.

The other members looked out for him. They made sure that Jimin was always out of harm's way. Jimin told them more about the things that made him feel sick, such as seeing blood, hot temperatures and certain strong smells.

This way, he could be as safe as possible. Jimin, and all the others, wanted it to be that way.

-------

Chapter Text

Uh oh. Jungkook flinched. He took his earpieces out just in time to hear someone scream. Jimin. For whatever reason, Jimin had thrown himself in front of Jungkook and - in a most selfish way - Jungkook was secretly relieved he had done so.

The lights were dim. The cheering and screaming had faded to a confused mass of yells and screams. Jin was with Jimin in an instant. Jungkook was numb. He could hear Jimin still whining in pain, and he knew exactly what had happened.

"Jungkook, we need to get him off the stage! Help me here!" Jin said.

"Jungkook!"

Jungkook snapped out of his trance. He grabbed Jimin's legs, while Jin grabbed his waist. They lifted him up easily between them. Jimin shrieked and cried, but everybody tried to ignore it. It was heart wrenching for Jungkook to hear, but they had to keep moving. He knew that Jimin had been shot, he knew that Jimin was hurt, and he knew that he himself was the one who was supposed to get hurt. The death threats had been for him, not Jimin.

If Jin wasn't there, Jungkook would've continued falling into his thoughts. Jin kept saying things to keep him alert. Thank the heavens that Jin existed.

They took him backstage, away from the cheering, away from the fans, away from the shooter. Jungkook's mind kept feeding him sentimental passages from sentimental movies that he had watched. He couldn't focus. He felt guilty. Jin told him to lay Jimin down on the floor near the entrance. Jungkook couldn't look into Jimin's eyes. He didn't know where Jimin had been hurt. He didn't want to know either.

"Where is he hurt?" someone asked. "Seokjin?"

"Huh?" Jin shook his head. "His arm, his arm. It's his arm. He's going to be alright, I think-"

Jungkook couldn't listen. His breathing was speeding up. All he could think about was Jimin. Jimin. Jimin's eyes, and the way his face had looked when everything had happened.

All Jungkook could think was about Jimin. And how everything had been his own fault.

-------

(A few weeks earlier)

Jungkook shook his head.

"I don't understand. Why this much hate? What did I do wrong?"

The manager shrugged. "I don't know. All I know is that we're going to do everything we can to protect you from those..."

"I'm glad."

The manager smiled. "You should expect that from me."

Jungkook smiled back. Yes, he should expect that. Because if he didn't, he would expect to get hurt or killed. Surely, nobody would want that?

"Don't you worry about a thing, Jungkook. Everything will be absolutely fine."

Jungkook left the office that day believing those words.

------

Maybe Jungkook thought he was being slick, but Jimin caught on quite easily. He was up to date on everything that went on. He knew that Jungkook was getting an excessive amount of hate, and while that was sadly normal, he knew when to be careful. Jungkook must've told the agency about the death threats he was getting, but he didn't tell the others a single thing. Whether he was scared, embarrassed, or whatever, Jimin didn't know.

He didn't care if Jungkook didn't tell them. All Jimin cared about was Jungkook's safety. If anything happened to him, then Jimin wouldn't know what to do.

So for the timebeing, he kept quiet. He interacted normally with Jungkook. Jungkook was a bit down in the dumps, and Jimin tried to cheer him up. There was a concert coming up. Jungkook needed to be in top condition for that.

------

Something was going to happen to him, he was sure of it. Jungkook inhaled shakily. The atmosphere of the concert didn't feel right. There was a feeling inside him that wasn't good. Something bad was going to happen, he could feel it.

But whatever, he needed to pay attention.

"Why are there so many security guards?" Taehyung asked, looking around him. Usually, there weren't that many. But today, there were at least fifteen in the backstage alone.

"We need them," the manager said. "Just in case."

"Just in case of what?"

"Just in case something bad happens."

Taehyung gulped. He nodded, and didn't dare ask any more questions.

Jimin shivered. His outfit wasn't too warm and the backstage was cold. The chilling words of the manager also freaked him out. He knew exactly why extra security was needed. He glanced over at Jungkook. The poor guy's face was pale and scared. Jimin reminded himself to keep an eye on him during the concert.

"Will something bad happen?" Yoongi asked.

"We received some reports that could link to something bad. Don't worry, they're probably false. But it's better to be safe than sorry."

"Link to what?" Jimin pressed.

"I'm not sure myself." The manager shook his head. "If you want to know, you could ask the guards. They know more about this than I do."

"Ah, okay," Yoongi said. He sighed. "With how scary everyone is being, I'm not sure that I want to know!"

Taehyung cracked a faint smile. "You're right! I can't worry if I don't know what the heck is going on!"

"That's right! That is what my motto was in school!"

The two carried on laughing and talking to each other. Jimin couldn't believe his ears anymore. How were they so nonchalant like that? Weren't they worried?

He approached Jungkook carefully.

"Are you ready for the show?"

"Yeah-yeah." Jungkook nodded. He smiled and tried to hide his nervousness. "You look great in your outfit Jimin hyung. You're going to do great."

"You're going to do amazing as well," Jimin said. "Also, don't be scared about what the manager said, I'm sure that nothing's going to happen."

"I hope so."

There was still a look of terror in Jungkook's eyes. Jimin tried his best to look past it. There wasn't anything else he could say to calm him down. The best thing to do was just to go through the concert and hope for the best.

--------

The first parts of the concert went fine. Jungkook managed to calm himself down a bit. But everytime he came backstage, he saw the swarm of bodyguards and that scared him. Still, he tried to believe in what Jimin had told him. Everything was going to be fine. Death threats happened all the time. People didn't drop like flies just because of threats. Hopefully, nobody would dare to actually carry those plans out.

Jungkook convinced himself that everything was fine.

------

Despite what Jimin had told Jungkook, he made sure to keep his eyes wide open. Whenever they weren't dancing, he made sure to be near Jungkook. If anything came flying at him, Jimin would protect him. It was a silly plan. They could just tell the bodyguards.

But in Jimin's frantic, panicked mind, the plan made perfect sense. His body could take anything. Jungkook wouldn't be able to handle it though. He would get scared.

The bodyguards were trying their best. They had checked the belongings of everybody who had entered the building as best they could. Jimin couldn't appreciate their efforts enough. But there were some things that training didn't cover. Some things were based on instinct.

-------

Before Jungkook could notice, more than half of the show was over. They were heading out to do the first song of the final part. They had changed into their final outfit. He felt a lot more at ease. Jimin had been right.

------

In a split second, Jimin's life changed. He heard the sound - he had heard it plenty of times and video games. Hearing it in real life was very different though. But his body reacted in automatic. He threw himself in front of Jungkook, shielding him from the direction he thought the gunshot came from. He didn't know whether to be relieved or not when he felt the impact on his arm. A strange numb feeling went up his arm. He heard Jungkook start screaming.

Jimin wanted to hug him. He had gone through so much stress all ready.

His thoughts slowly faded away though. The numb feeling grew more and more until it consumed all his senses. Jimin felt warm blood rolling down his arm. Maybe someone had lifted him up, maybe someone hadn't, he couldn't tell. He couldn't stop himself from crying out and screaming. His arm burned. Pretty soon, he had passed out. He hoped Jungkook was all right. Jimin had done this because he cared about him. Hopefully Jungkook wouldn't feel guilty.

------

The guilt was threatening to swallow him whole. Jungkook had already cried a whole lot. Jimin wouldn't have gotten hurt if it wasn't for him. How was he supposed to know that Jimin was going to jump in front of him? Why had Jimin done that anyway?

There were so many questions in his mind. The others looked simarly perplexed. So much for extra security. None of that had helped. In the end, something did go wrong, just as Jungkook had feared.

-------

"He's doing fine," the doctor said. She smiled at the members. "He should wake up in a couple hours. There weren't any major complications."

Jungkook nodded. That was a relief to hear. When Yoongi asked if he wanted to see Jimin, he nodded automatically again. He wandered after Yoongi to Jimin's room.

Jimin was hooked up to an IV line. His eyes were closed, but the heart monitor showed that everything was normal. His arm was wrapped up. He had just gotten surgery.

"Jungkook, he's alright," Yoongi said. "Don't be so worried."

"I know." Jungkook sighed. Seeing Jimin be alright was such a huge relief to him.

Jimin stirred slightly. His face twisted in what seemed to be an expression of pain for a moment and then he relaxed. Jungkook felt his heart plunge into another pool of guilt. Because of him...

"Listen, I don't know exactly what happened, but it's not your fault Kook," Yoongi said. "Jimin is going to be fine."

Jungkook was about to reply, but he only burst into tears. He fell into Yoongi's arms and sobbed.

-------

"Jungkook?" Jimin croaked.

True to the doctor's word, Jimin woke up properly a few hours later. It was the middle of the night. Jungkook had gotten permission to stay with him and so he was the only one to greet Jimin.

"Hyung."

Jimin blinked up at him. His arm was hurting a bit, but he tried to hide it. Jungkook looked worried out of his mind.

"Hyung... I'm so sorry," Jungkook said. "I know you know about the death threats and... it-"

"Forget it." Jimin sighed. He gave Jungkook a tired smile. "Don't blame yourself."

"Okay."

Jimin gazed at him carefully. He didn't say anything, but Jungkook knew that he understood how upset Jungkook was. Jimin had a way of knowing things.

"It's not your fault," Jimin said. His eyes were closing. All the pain medication was making him drowsy.

Jungkook nodded. He gently wiped a strand of Jimin's hair away from his face.

"I'll let you sleep, alright?"

"Mmm." Jimin shifted around to make himself comfortable, and soon fell back asleep.

-------

Jungkook paid attention to what was going on with the case. They caught the person who was responsible for the shooting. Nobody knew how he managed to sneak the gun in. The security said they had checked everything, but obviously something hadn't been done right.

It was weird, but Jimin was probably the least concerned about everything. He was focused on his recovery. He could barely move his arm for the first three weeks. If getting shot was hard, recovering was even worse. Jimin was forced to move his arm as much as possible so the muscles didn't get weak. Jungkook was by his side the entire time. Jimin could see the guilt in his eyes the entire time.

Jimin tried. He tried to keep going and he tried to counsel Jungkook and let him know that it was okay. Sure, his arm hurt like hell, but it was just his arm. What if the bullet had hit one of Jungkook's vital organs?

No, he was happy that he had jumped in front of Jungkook. If anything had happened to Jungkook, Jimin would've gone absolutely crazy with worry.

------

"Can you raise your arm properly?" Hoseok asked.

Jimin raised it slowly. He set his mouth in a straight line. It was still hurting, but not as badly as before.

"It still hurts, doesn't it?" Hoseok frowned.

"Kinda."

"Do you want... painkillers?"

Jimin shook his head. "Nah. I can deal with it."

"If you say so."

"It's fine. It's practically healed now. This pain is nothing compared to what I was dealing with a few weeks ago."

"Ah, good, good." Hoseok looked relieved. "That's so good to hear."

-------

Chapter Text

Jimin's heart caught in his throat. Someone was following him. In the pitch dark of night, he had no way to defend himself either.

In his pocket, he had cash that he had gotten from the ATM. He had been planning on getting a new book from the bookstore down the street. They only accepted cash.

That probably wouldn't be the fate of those bills, now that he was in this situation.

Hurried footsteps came closer and closer to him. Jimin froze. He knew he should keep moving, keep trying to flee, but panic prevented him from doing anything.

And by the time he figured out what to do, it was far too late.

------

Jimin still wasn't home. Hoseok sighed, looking at his roommate's empty bed. His eyes were closing already. Jimin wouldn't come home faster if he stayed awake. Jimin also was the world-champion at never checking his phone, so texting or calling wouldn't work either.

With a sigh, Hoseok turned out the lights. He curled up in his bed and went to sleep.

-------

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Jimin could only swear.

"Money, do you have money?"

Somebody grabbed him and pressed him against a building wall. Jimin gasped and choked. He couldn't breathe. His lungs seized up and flooded with pain.

"I need money, give me money," the person holding him said. "I know you have some."

Their voice was low.

"Ye-yes, money, yes," Jimin choked. He twisted out of the person's grip, his chest and neck throbbing. He reached into his pocket and took the bills out. He didn't have time to feel sorry for himself. The person grabbed the bills. Jimin thought he saw dollar bills shining in their eyes.

His hand was grabbed. Jimin didn't have time to make a run for it.

"Please let me go," he begged. "Please don't hurt me, I'm begging you..."

The person didn't say a single word. They only kept breathing heavily. Jimin felt like he was the verge of tears. Their grip on his wrist was so strong.

They pulled something out of their pocket. It glinted in the streetlight. Sharp, pointy, shiny... Jimin's heart stalled. Oh no, oh no, that was a blade. Oh no. Run. Go. No.

Jimin tried to yank his hand free. He pulled and twisted himself around so he could get out, but the person had an iron grip on him. Jimin couldn't move his hand even an inch. Panic overflowed his mind. His heart was thumping at what felt like two hundred miles per hour. He tried to run, he tried to flee, but he couldn't move at all. And soon enough, it was too late. He watched in slow motion as the person stabbed him in the chest. Jimin let out a scream and toppled over. The blade was ripped out of him.

They fled right after.

Jimin was gasping. The pain started making him dizzy. He couldn't breathe. He was going to die here. His money was gone. He was going to die. His shirt was wet with blood. Oh no, that was a lot of blood. Jimin screamed again. His voice was weakening. So this is what his fate was, dying alone in a back lane.

His phone! He could call for help! He felt around his pocket. Jimin slid his hand down his left one and pulled his phone out. He tapped emergency call in a panic.

The call beeped. The pain worsened. Jimin gritted his teeth. This was his only option.

"Hello, emergency, how may I help you?"

Jimin coughed. He tried to think quickly.

"I was stabbed. I don't know exactly where I am, but it's somewhere near the new mall-" he gasped- "Please save me, I'm going to die here." He gasped again after he finished his sentence. He was so damn tired. He couldn't talk anymore.

"What kind of place are you in? Can you describe it for me?"

"Back... la-"

"Back lane, okay, thank you. Don't worry... an emergency services team has been dispatched for you. Don't you worry. Stay calm. I'm here. Can you tell me your name?"

"Jimin."

"Okay, Jimin, just stay calm. Help is coming... Jimin? Jimin, can you say something?... Jimin? Jimin are you there?"

The phone was in front of him. Jimin didn't have the energy to reply anymore. He closed his eyes. Sleeping sounded so nice. It felt so nice as well.

He drifted off.

------

Jimin was seen a mere fifteen minutes later. The ambulance rushed over to him. He was turned onto his side so his wound would be visible. One paramedic wrapped a bandage around his chest so there wouldn't be so much bleeding. The bleeding had slowed down a lot, but blood was still coming out.

Jimin had passed out a while ago. His blood pressure was checked. It was severely low. He had already lost a good deal of blood. With a clip, his oxygen saturation was checked. 87%. The clip stayed on his finger. There was no dilly-dallying now. Jimin was lifted onto a stretcher. His legs dangled off the end until he was adjusted properly. A mask was put onto his face. An IV was made into his arm. Fluids, fluids, they needed fluids... said fluids was hooked up. Jimin's oxygen saturation had dropped one percent.

The stretcher was lifted into the ambulance. Jimin was safe for the time being.

The ambulance sped off to the hospital. Jimin's vital signs were monitored the entire time. His blood pressure kept going down and his pulse was too fast.

Nobody said anything. They held their breath and kept doing their job.

"Does anybody know what happened to him?" somebody asked in a low voice.

"No, not a clue."

------

"Hello, I was told that you were Mr. Park's emergency contact. Is that correct?"

Hoseok frowned into the phone. It was four in the morning. Yes, he probably was Jimin's emergency contact, but how exactly was that important now? He bit back his own thoughts, however, when he saw that Jimin's bed was still unoccupied and he still wasn't home. Hoseok gulped. Something had gone wrong. Oh no.

"Yes, why?"

"There's been an incident," the receptionist drawled. "Your friend was found stabbed in an alleyway. He managed to call for help and get to the hospital. He's currently undergoing emergency surgery."

Hoseok was too stunned to talk for a moment. Jimin? Stabbed? He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He was half-asleep before, but he definitely was wide awake now.

"How-how did this happen?"

"No clue yet. We have let the police know, but as for the time being, nobody knows exactly what happened."

"Oh, okay," Hoseok said. He went through the worst scenarios in his mind. Poor Jimin. He probably was so scared. Oh, Hoseok should've warned him against coming home at night. "When can I visit? Or can I-"

"You can come at eight in the morning to make sure that he's okay, if you want. He won't be awake at that time, but he will be out of surgery."

"Okay." Hoseok nodded, even though she couldn't see him. "I just... thank you, thank you for letting me know."

"No problem."

Hoseok hung up the phone and sat heavily down on his bed. This isn't happening, he told himself. This is all a bad dream. No matter the case, there was no way that he could sleep now. Worries and thoughts about Jimin snaked through his mind, preventing him from thinking, remembering, or feeling.

The only thing he could feel was guilt.

------

Seven-thirty in the morning. Hoseok was in the living room ready to go. He had explained the situation in the group chat, but none of the others were awake yet. He would've loved to stay and explain it to them in person, but he had to go.

------

Hoseok was allowed to go up to a door and look at Jimin through a glass window. He wasn't allowed to go in and sit by his side yet. In case of infection, the nurse explained.

As much as Hoseok could see, which wasn't much, Jimin looked very different. His skin was pale and there was a mask over his face. His hair was messy. There seemed to be a few Band-Aids on his face. But the thing that attracted most of Hoseok's attention was Jimin's chest. The stitches were dark and bold. Hoseok grimaced looking at them. It looked like it hurt. Thankfully, Jimin's eyes were shut. He had been unconscious for a while, and he would continue to be until the afternoon.

The only thing Hoseok wondered about was, why? How and why did this thing happen?

What had Jimin been doing anyway?

-------

Hoseok groaned, checking his phone. Of course Taehyung had to call. He wasn't sure if he could even formulate his thoughts properly, let alone talk to someone.

When he picked up, Taehyung's voice flitted through like he was a panicked chicken.

"What happened? What did your message mean?"

"Jimin... he, something happened to him. Someone stabbed him and he's in the hospital now."

"What? Why?"

"Taehyung, I don't know," Hoseok snapped. "I have no clue why or how anything happened."

"Oh." Taehyung went quiet for a moment, before speaking again. His voice was softer and tamer now. "Did you see him?"

"Kind of."

"Huh?"

"Saw him through a window, they're not letting me in."

"Oh." Thankfully Taehyung didn't question anything this time. "Do you want me to come?"

"It's fine. He isn't even awake yet, so it's really no use."

"Oh." Taehyung sighed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"I'm coming then."

"What-" Hoseok couldn't finish his argument before Taehyung cut the call. He sighed heavily before coming to his senses. The smell of disinfectant wafted into his nose. This whole place was too sanitized. Oh, he just wanted Jimin to be alright.

-------

The room was wobbly when Jimin first opened his eyes. He blinked a few times and his vision settled. Details slowly came into view - the numbers on the clock, the wrinkles on the sheet draped on top of him, the faded paint on the walls, etc. Jimin sighed. He tried to swallow, and was attacked with a stinging in his throat.

He looked down and suddenly, it all came back to him. The alley, the money, the stabbing... yes, he remembered it all, though he felt that it wasn't real. Jimin sighed. The mask on his face felt uncomfortable. He decided to let himself drift off again.

"Oh yeah, you're awake?"

Jimin jerked. A nurse quickly hurried to his side. He watched as she slid the mask off. A glass of water was sitting on the table next to him. Jimin sipped it carefully when it was handed to him.

"Your friend is here to see you, do you want them to come in?"

Friend? Jimin hoped it was one of the members. He nodded.

"Okay, I'll get him to come in."

Jimin closed his eyes again. He was so tired. A moment later, he heard someone sit down next to his bed. Jimin was about to open his eyes to see who it was, but the person spoke first.

"Oh Jimin, thank God that you're alright. I was so worried."

Jimin couldn't help the small smile that spread across his face. Hoseok was here. He was finally safe.

He couldn't talk due to the stinging in his throat, but Hoseok probably didn't need to hear anything from him. He knew what had happened, and didn't ask any questions. When Jimin opened his eyes to peek at him, he could tell that the restraints of worry had finally begun to lift off of Hoseok's features.

Hoseok was alright too.

Jimin dozed off again. He wasn't awake when Taehyung arrived. The painkillers were strong and he was too tired.

-------

Over the course of the next few weeks, Jimin's pain levels fluctuated. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to talk, it hurt to do everything. The stitches rubbed against his shirt and felt weird.

But it gradually got better. He got stronger. His lungs healed so he wasn't short of breath or worn out. Jimin didn't know exactly how long it took for him to fully get back to normal - the days melted into each other - but it wasn't a fast process.

The police did try looking for the attacker, but they never did find them. Jimin's money had vanished along with them. He was inclined to be sad at the beginning, and sometimes he still was, but mostly, he was just glad that he was alive.

That had been a close call.

-------

Chapter Text

Jimin sometimes didn't show it, but he really was thankful for the other members. They always looked out for him and made sure that he was safe. Jimin tried his best to return the favour too.

They were there when he pushed himself too much and ended up getting sick.

They were there when he was sick and couldn't move an inch.

They were there when his asthma got worse to the point where he couldn't get a full coherent sentence out.

These were all hard situations, but when there were people looking out for you all the time, it got a bit easier. Jimin didn't feel quite so sick anymore when they were there. He really hoped that he was just as much a source of comfort for them.

But, you know, the thing was that Jimin felt he always needed the most looking out. He was the one always practicing too much, then zonking out, then having an asthma attack, then having body image issues, it was always him. It made him feel guilty at times. But the others didn't see it that way.

At least, that's what Jimin hoped. He was like, ninety percent sure.

-------

Jimin took a few deep breaths. He could feel the familiar tightness starting to rattle in his chest. A wave of fear went through him - he couldn't get to his inhaler now! - but he tried to stay calm. Panicking would only make things worse. Hopefully, it would go away on its own.

As far as he could see, there were empty rows of seats. They were practicing for yet another show, and this was one of their final rehearsals. They had to make sure all the stage positions, all the speakers, all the props, everything was in good shape and ready to go for tomorrow. And unfortunately, the place also hadn't been swept in a while, which meant that there was a ton of dust flying around in the air, which made things worse for Jimin.

The others were coughing as well.

"Okay!"

Jimin shuddered. There was the call, now he had to get into position. He went up behind Yoongi to begin their choreography. He tried to breathe in deeply several more times, and this time it was harder to inhale. His throat closed up and his chest heaved. Jimin tried to quieten himself down. Beats thumped into his earpieces. Before he could catch his breath and make sure he was okay, he was swept into the choreography. .

He wheezed. His eyes were watering, and he let those tears slide down his face. Jimin moved along. Thankfully this song wasn't super heavy on jumping and other "intensive" activities, so he managed. He wasn't able to sing any of his lines though. The emphasis wasn't on singing right now anyway, they were just checking the positions.

No matter what he did, he couldn't breathe deeply. His breathing was much faster as his body desperately tried to take in more air. Jimin stopped dancing. He put his hands on his knees and bent over, trying to breathe. 1... 2... 3, inhale... exhale...

He couldn't do it. Panic flared through his body. Jimin wracked his brain, thinking where he had last seen his inhaler. Ugh, just his luck that he was so forgetful and careless.

"Jimin?"

Jin came up beside him and put a hand on his back.

"You good?"

Jimin managed to shake his head. He put his hand to his mouth and started to cough. The more he coughed, the more his throat burned. The more that happened, the more choked up he felt.

"Where did you put your inhaler?" Jin asked gently, softly, in the most comforting voice you can imagine.

Jimin shook his head. He couldn't remember. He coughed again, wet stuff at the back of his throat. It was gross. He didn't want to spit it out. He tried to stand up straight, but his legs wobbled. Jin barely managed to wrap his arms around him before he collapsed.

"Damn it, it's not in his bag!"

"I saw it, I saw it near..."

Taehyung and Hoseok skittered around, trying to find Jimin's inhaler. Jungkook came to stand near Jimin and Jin. Jimin's face was pale and he looked exhausted, as usual. His breathing was fast and irregular and he seemed like he was really forcing himself to keep breathing.

"Man, I haven't seen it this bad in a long time," Namjoon said. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Okay, okay..." Jin shook his head. "Let's not worry about that now-"

"Alright."

Black spots were dancing in Jimin's vision. His exhaustion, combined with this, had taken him close to unconsciousness. He couldn't keep up anymore. Jin kept his hands on his shoulders. Jimin felt like he was going to slump over. His chest was burning. It felt like something was sitting on him, squeezing all the life out of him. He was sweating all over.

Hoseok ran towards them, Jimin's suitcase in his arms. "It should be in here." He knelt down, set the suitcase on the ground and opened it up. Jimin's clothes, in various disarray, were thrown into it. Hoseok zipped open the top compartment and stuck his hand inside. After a few seconds, he emerged triumphantly with the blue plastic inhaler.

Jimin took it before Hoseok could waste any more time. He popped the cap off. Two puffs later, he felt his chest start to clear. He tried to take another deep breath. His lungs wheezed. He used the inhaler again. Deep breaths. Hoseok stared at him, a concerned look taking over his features. Jimin tried not to pay attention. He focused on breathing and not wincing every time his chest ached.

"Jimin, you good now?" Namjoon asked after a while. "Jimin?"

Jimin nodded. Only after he looked around did he notice that most people had stopped in their tracks and had been watching him. His face turned red. Oh fuck, he didn't want to put on this kind of a show. He scrambled to his feet. He was still a bit light-headed, but the tightness around his chest was finally starting to give way. Not completely though.

"I'm sorry, that-"

"You should've told us," Namjoon said gently. "Then this wouldn't have happened."

Jimin nodded. "Sorry."

"Also, make sure you keep your inhaler in a safe spot. You can't keep losing it, it's important," Hoseok said. He shook his head. "You're really something. If I had an inhaler, I would tie it onto a string and hang it around my neck."

"Oh man-" Jungkook made a face. "Why do you always have to..."

"What?"

"Make everything weird."

"What?" Hoseok asked. "No it's serious Jimin. Be more careful. No more of this 'oh I don't know where I put my inhaler, ah well' business, got it?"

"Yeah," Jimin said. He swallowed hard. He took a deep breath. Still some crackling, but it was getting better. "Okay hyung, okay."

"Good."

"You sure you'll be okay for tomorrow?" Jin asked.

"Yes, of course," Jimin said. "Don't you worry."

Jin frowned, but eventually nodded.

The manager, who had been standing at the back of the hall, came towards them. He had a puzzled look on his face.

"Um... Jimin, is everything good now?"

"Yeah!" Jimin said. "Don't you worry either."

"So can we start the song again?"

"The song?"

"Yeah."

"Sure thing."

Jimin spun around quickly, trying to catch the expressions of all his members. To his surprise, all of them looked weary and tired. Oh no, they were probably upset because they have to dance the whole thing again. Jimin wiped the smile off his face and went back to his starting position.

"I'm worried," Jin clarified to Taehyung.

"Me too."

"Be quiet, we need to do this again," Hoseok said seriously and they all fell silent.

Jimin took a deep breath again as the song started. He was feeling better now. This wouldn't happen again. He was in control. His asthma wouldn't bother him again.

-------

The rest of the rehearsal was tough. He couldn't feel any source of accomplishment doing any of the soundchecks, he just felt tired and devoid of energy. Jimin wanted to act more cheery but due to his sudden asthma attack, it seemed like the whole mood had fallen. So he kept going, plodding along, dancing this, dancing that, feeling like he was going to collapse, etc. Ah, the joys of life.

He knew that the others weren't all that sure about him. He knew that the others were scared. But for once, Jimin decided to disregard their feelings. He was determined to do this concert, he had practiced so long for it. He was not going to put all that work to waste.

There was one day left.

--------

"Are you sure that you're going to be okay?" Taehyung asked.

Jimin nodded. A lump formed in his throat. "Yeah."

Taehyung frowned, but didn't say anything else. Jimin could see the worry in his face though.

There was a nervous energy fluttering in the air. Jimin slipped into the dressing room. People were bustling around. He had already changed into his outfit, but none of the stylists were free to do his makeup for him. Jimin settled into a seat and took out his phone.

Jungkook glanced at him.

"Are you done getting ready?" he asked.

"Just makeup," Jimin said.

"Ah." Jungkook nodded. "Me too."

Hoseok was sitting in front of one of the mirrors. A stylist was bent over him, trying to get his eye makeup right. She had been at it for a while and he was starting to get a little impatient. He was too polite to say anything, but Jimin noticed it in his expression.

"How many more minutes?" Jungkook asked.

"We still have half an hour."

"Good." Jungkook seemed to suddenly snap to attention. "Hyung, you're surely not going to force yourself through anything, right?"

Jimin shook his head. "Man, you know that I don't have the physical capacity or the emotional stability to do that."

"Sure."

The smirk on Jungkook's face was all he needed.

-------

There was a lot of cheering, that's all that Jimin heard when he went onto the stage. His heart was beating wildly. He already felt a little bit breathless, but he tried to take deep breaths. He silently headed to his position.

The lights flared.

Jimin backed up too far. When the beats started, he was in the wrong spot. Jimin spun back. A wheeze struck his chest. He took a deep breath. It didn't go fully through. Panic ran through him, but he didn't let it show.

His line came up. Jimin came to the front, heaving. He choked something out. The fans were cheering so loudly that nobody heard anything off anyway. He slunk back into the formation and tried his best to keep up the moves. It was a good thing that he knew the dance so well, otherwise with trying to breathe and remember the dance, he would be absolutely fucked.

The song finished on a strong note. Jimin was still wheezing, but he got a little chance to sit down when the lights turned off. Crouching proved to be beneficial. The air whistled as it entered his airway. Slowly, he relaxed.

Again, the lights turned on. The song name was announced. Jimin was thrust back into the spotlight. He knew he was skipping some of the moves in his part, especially when he was singing at the same time. Jimin struggled to sound strong. He kept having to gasp for air.

It was a strange feeling when he knew that he was struggling, but he wouldn't let himself go off. Jimin knew it maybe wasn't the best idea, but he couldn't stop. Every clean sip of air that he got, he cherished. After the second song, they would get a little break.

Moment by moment, the end of the song approached. When Jimin finally ended up in the final pose, he felt Hoseok's hand on his shoulder. When he turned around, he saw Hoseok glance worriedly at him.

"Go backstage," he mouthed.

Jimin nodded. That was a good idea. As the lights blinked, he headed right off. A few minutes of rest would do him good.

Water and his inhaler were waiting for him when he went in. Some staff members hustled around him.

"Jimin, you good?" one of them asked.

Jimin nodded. He was pushed into a seat. When he pressed the inhaler into his mouth, and inhaled the medication, he relaxed. Finally, his airways cleared. He took a few deep breaths. They started to close again. Jimin took a few more puffs. He tried to calm himself down. He had only been in here for a few minutes. Hopefully the others would talk for a while, understanding his situation.

--------

They understood everything. When Jimin managed to get back on stage, Jin was halfway through his story about how he had microwaved his hamster when he was little.

"I was six," Jin was saying. "The window had been left open and it had been a cold day. So the hamster froze in its cage. And I was like, the only way to fix him is to microwave him."

The crowd cheered or cried or clapped (Jimin couldn't tell), Jin smiling wide. Jimin had heard this story quite a few times. Each time, it made him shake his head in disbelief. How Jin's parents ever trusted him and his brother with a hamster was beyond his understanding.

"What did your brother say?" Taehyung asked.

"He denies that he ever said it, but I remember he told me that I did the right thing," Jin said. "I remember it! He told that I did a great thing."

Jimin laughed. He didn't miss the crack of relief in Jin's voice when he started on his
next monologue.

-----

The next series of songs started. Jimin found himself getting tired much more quickly. He put less energy into his dancing. His singing was breathless and weak, but he managed. The songs ticked by slowly. During the ments, he disappeared backstage.

The fans definitely noticed, but he didn't bother elaborating. They probably thought that he had some bathroom problem or whatever. Whenever Jimin thought about that explanation, his face turned red.

---------

Intermission. His face was red. He stumbled off the stage, he was exhausted. The staff members held fans up to them. Jimin fell back into a chair and tried to breathe. He drank a full bottle of water before finally getting to his feet. There was a new set of clothes waiting for him. He slipped them on as quickly as he could.

The couch was right there for him the entire time. He lay on it for as long as he could before he had to get up and go.

Then suddenly, suddenly, his chest closed up again and Jimin stumbled. Hoseok was right behind him.

"What's wrong?"

Jimin spluttered, trying to speak. He coughed. Hoseok understood. He whirled around, yelling about some inhaler. Within a few moments, it was safely in Jimin's hands. After a few deep breaths and taking it a couple times, he felt more relaxed.

But whenever he glanced up, he could see the silent worry coating all of the others' eyes. He was making them all worry.

"Don't worry, I'm fine," he said.

Yoongi raised an eyebrow. "If you say so," he said in a quiet voice.

-------

When he went back on stage, he felt a bit more refreshed. He actually had the energy to say a few words to the fans. They seemed excited to finally hear him.

He was so tired though. He couldn't wait until he could go to sleep again in his little bed. Jimin wasn't super into sleeping, but now that's all he could think of.

When the songs started again, he was prepared. He skipped half his singing lines in the songs, relying instead on the fans who were singing along. He tried to conserve his energy as best he could. This was the most energetic part of the show. They had plenty of songs back to back, with intense choreography. Jimin gave it his all.

He tried to breathe. His chest wheezed. He stopped in the middle of a dance, completely unable to get any air in.

Somehow, he didn't even know where he came from, Jin appeared beside him. He grabbed his hand and pulled him from the stage. Jimin was dragged along. The dim lights of the backstage welcomed him.

"Sit him down."

People fluttered around. Jimin was pushed into the couch. He couldn't breathe. His chest was burning, and he felt like he was going to die. Somebody pushed the inhaler towards him. He couldn't do anything for himself. The person had to press it for him. He could only lay there and choke. Jimin could tell that Jin was hovering nearby. He could feel Jin's worry on his skin.

"I suggest that he sits out for the rest of the show."

"That's what we were telling him to do for all this time! I don't know why he wasn't listening," Jin said.

Jimin shook his head. He took another wheezy breath. It was coming back. His lungs were clearing again. He was going to be fine.

"No, please," he mumbled. "Please."

He looked up to see Jin frown. "No."

"Ple-"

"Don't try to argue with me. I said no."

Jimin shook his head again. Jin was right - he wasn't going to try and argue with him. He didn't have the energy to. Instead, he stood up on his wobbly legs and pushed past him to the stage entrance. His earpieces provided him the backdrop.

Jimin took another deep breath. His chest was crackly, but it was clear.

He stepped out into the stage, blending in with the others in the choreography. He knew it by heart. He knew what to do.

Jimin managed to soldier through the rest of the show. The others disapproved, he could tell, but he didn't mind.

All that mattered was his own satisfaction at the end of the day. Also his health. The manager had made him book an appointment.

But that was another story altogether.

------

Chapter Text

Maybe Jimin had always had it, or maybe he had just noticed it nowadays. He was more perceptive to things now. Before, he was always running around trying to fit so many activities into his busy life. But now he could actually stop to breathe.

With Jin and Hoseok in the military, they were all free to pursue their own solo activities. Jimin had released a whole album, but a persistent issue had stopped him from recording more material.

It was hard to explain. Jimin didn't try to explain it to the others.

-------

"It's been so long," Namjoon said. He sighed, leaning back in his chair.

Jimin nodded. They had agreed to meet up in one of the dance studios, intending on practicing some of their old choreos together, but they were just sitting on the floor together now, reminiscing.

"I can't wait for them to be back," Jimin said.

Namjoon agreed, glancing at him. He was about to say something - Jimin was sure he saw him open his mouth - but his shoulder suddenly jerked. Namjoon's words were lost in the mayhem.

Namjoon raised his eyebrow.

"You good?"

"Yeah," Jimin mumbled. He tried to shake his shoulder out. He couldn't control his shoulder properly. It randomly moved. Jimin sighed. He didn't know what was wrong.

Namjoon didn't seem to notice. "As I was saying, I think we should get going. Maybe one time, run through something and then I have to run."

"Right."

Jimin slowly got to his feet. He was so tired. Note to self: sleep earlier tonight.

But his shoulder kept bothering him. It didn't hurt or anything, so he hadn't bothered getting it checked out. Maybe he was just imagining things.

"We should do Blood, Sweat and Tears," Namjoon said. He laughed.

"What? No way!"

"Your shoulder accident was perfect."

"No!" Jimin chuckled. "No, we're doing Spine Breaker because it's nice and easy."

"What?"

Jimin shrugged, feeling his shoulder give one of its characteristics jerks. He shivered. He went over to the speaker, connected his phone, and started playing Spine Breaker. Jin had choreographed the dance way back when and the choreography was simple, but it was perfect. It was fun too.

Jimin tried to control it. He really did. He tried to keep his shoulder in check and stiffen it as much as possible. But for whatever reason, as soon as the song was over, his shoulder jerked uncontrollably and there was nothing he could do to control it.

He whirled around and tried to hide it.

"What's wrong with your arm?" Namjoon asked.

"I-I don't know."

Namjoon's laser-like focus seemed to sweep through him. "It was like..."

"Yeah, yeah, I don't know."

Jimin hurriedly grabbed his stuff and started heading for the door. He couldn't explain it, but he could feel his shoulder gearing up for another round, and he didn't want Namjoon to witness it.

"Jimin, hold up!"

Not waiting for him, Jimin closed the door behind him and raced down the hallway. The bathroom was right along there. Jimin slid into it.

When he was away from prying eyes again, he took a deep breath. Jimin stood in front of the mirror and took a long look at himself. He pondered taking his shirt off and checking his shoulder out, just to make sure everything was okay, but decided against it. Nothing hurt.

But then his shoulder jerked again. Which was so weird. Jimin was sure that he hadn't thought about moving it at all. It kept moving all on its own.

He sighed shakily. He had no idea why this was happening. It scared him.

If only he was able to properly explain what was going on with him.

--------

He closed his eyes when the umpteenth message from Namjoon showed up on his phone. As soon as he had stepped inside his apartment, his phone had started dinging. It wouldn't stop.

He opened the messages app.

Namjoon: Are you okay?

Did I do something wrong?

Jimin

Are you sick?

Do you nrednhelp?

Jimin

Imma keep spamming

Jimin smiled at the typo. Such a Namjoon thing to say.

His smile faded when he realized that he had to say something in reply. He wondered what he should say. How can you even explain such an issue? "Oh hey, Namjoon buddy, nothing to worry about. My shoulder just jerks off sometimes." No, see that just sounded wrong.

Jimin gulped.

And he knew Namjoon well. One concerning word and he would make everyone drop in to make Jimin was alright.

Another message. Now, Namjoon had put emojis next to a "are you okay?" picture. This was getting intense.

Jimin texted back with a thumbs up and a reassurance that he was okay.

As soon as he had put his phone aside, his shoulder jerked again, startling him. His shoulder blade slammed into the back of the chair. Jimin gritted his teeth.

This was so stupid. He would just have to deal with it, he guessed.

---------

Jimin avoided Namjoon like the plague afterwards. He knew too much. Sometimes Namjoon texted him and he made sure to reply hours later. It made him feel bad, but he couldn't think of any other way to face the problem.

Namjoon would probably ask too many questions and be all weird about it. Jimin didn't know how to deal with it. Though he couldn't think of a single incident in the past where Namjoon had been like that, Jimin convinced himself that was what was going to happen. He was sure.

He had sealed himself into believing it.

--------

He headed into the studio again a few days later. It was weird. Jimin couldn't live without going there at least once in a while. He could barely wait until the group was finally done with their military service. They would be finally free to do whatever they wanted for however long they wanted.

Jimin always felt like they had operated under a time constraint in the past. The impending enlistments compounded in their minds. But now that it had started, time seemed to slow down. He missed Jin and Hoseok terribly, but he found that it was manageable. It was nice to take breaks.

But dang it, he wanted to enjoy his time off and leisurely release music without having to deal with his stupid shoulder.

He sighed, settling out of his thoughts. The sights of the recording studio greeted him. He wanted to look through new demos with the producer, but he was nowhere to be seen. With another deep sigh, Jimin logged into the computer and started to go through the files himself.

Some of the tracks had potential. If only Jimin could tweak some parts, he would gladly record them.

He was having fun imagining himself record a particular part when his shoulder jerked again, making him gasp. Jimin sighed heavily again. Maybe if he slammed his arm against the table, it would stop.

There was a knock at the door. Jimin shook his head. Seriously, at this time? When he was struggling?

He slowly got to his feet, and went to open the door. Jungkook stood on the other side, a small smile playing at his lips.

"Hyung, I heard my demos playing, so I came to see who was appreciating my magnificent work," he said.

Jimin's eyes widened. "They're yours?"

"Of course."

"Sorry, I didn't know, I won't use them-"

"Stop being silly. I don't think they match my voice well. You'd sound great with them."

Jungkook said the most heartwarming things with the evilest look on his face. Jimin stood there for a moment, trying to comprehend the situation.

"Oh... thanks, I guess," he mumbled, his face turning red.

"No problem." Jungkook shoved past him into the studio. "Let me show you the really good ones."

Jimin reluctantly headed in behind him. Oh no, here it came. He held his breath as his shoulder gave a violent jerk again.

Jungkook was clicking away on the computer. He turned around, a giant smile on his face.

"I found it, this file right-" he stopped, his eyes filling with concern- "... why do you look so pale, hyung? You good?"

Jimin nodded. "I'm fine." But then it seemed like his insufferable shoulder would just not shut up and it jerked again, startling him.

Jungkook fell quiet.

"What happened?" he asked after a while. He approached Jimin gently. "Is this what Namjoon hyung was talking about?"

"Wha-what?"

"Namjoon hyung was telling me about how you weren't talking to him. He mentioned that you were sick or something."

"I'm not," Jimin said. He shook his head. His cursed eyes decided that now would be a perfect time to tear up. He sniffed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." His voice shook.

Jungkook fumbled around, not knowing what to do. He tried to hug Jimin, but Jimin pulled away from him. Oops. Wrong move. This was an emergency.

He whipped his phone out to call Namjoon.

Jimin angrily wiped his tears away. He was aware that Jungkook was starting to get freaked out, and he was pissed off at himself as a result. Why was his shoulder doing this to him anyway? This was so stupid. It wasn't even that big of an issue.

"Jungkook, I'm-"

"Hello, Namjoon hyung? Hi, I have a very big problem. Jimin is crying for whatever reason and I don't know what to do.... you're in the building? Lovely. Can you-"

Oh no. Oh no. Jimin's hearing cut out. What had Jungkook done now?

Jungkook hung up the phone, looking uneasy. He glanced up at Jimin. His eyes were wide.

"Did I do something wrong, hyung? I'm sorry if-"

"No, you didn't do anything," Jimin said. He tried to make his voice gentle. He prayed that his shoulder didn't do anything. "It's just... I've been going through some stuff and-"

"Why didn't you tell anybody?"

Jimin shook his head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Yes, I would. I'm not that stupid."

Tears burned Jimin's eyes as a hurt look took over Jungkook's face. He was making a glorious mess.

The door burst open. Jimin didn't even need to raise his head to see who it was.

"Jimin, what's been going on with you?" Namjoon asked. The words were gentle, but his voice was gentler.

"Nothing-"

Namjoon suddenly came over and pulled Jimin for a hug. He didn't ask any questions, completely dismantling all of Jimin's fears. Jimin found his face jammed into Namjoon's shoulders, and all of a sudden, he couldn't hold it in anymore.

He blurted out everything that had been bothering him for the past while.

"You see," he blubbered through his endless stream of tears. "Something's wrong with my shoulder, it-it... I can't control it."

"Huh?" Jungkook asked.

Namjoon shushed him.

Jungkook shrugged.

Jimin kept going. "I don't know why it happens, it just does, and I don't know why. Nothing's wrong, but it's just so weird and I don't know why, it just doesn't-"

"It's okay," Namjoon said softly and Jimin felt himself relax. He clung to him, knowing that the difficult task of confessing was over. The judgement and confusion could happen later.

"I think that sounds like a tic," Jungkook said. "I've heard of those."

"What's that?" Jimin found himself murmuring.

He slowly pulled away from Namjoon's arms, and glanced back at Jungkook. He was avoiding Jimin's gaze.

"It's like a thing," Namjoon said. "Ah, how do I explain it? They're like sudden movements or twitches that you can't stop. They happen to some people."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, it's that thing," Jungkook said. "I've heard of those."

"What is it?"

Namjoon shook his head. "It's like a repeated movement that you cannot stop or control. Though, it's worthwhile to go to the doctor to verify that it is indeed that."

"Is it bad?"

"Um... I don't think so?"

Jimin took a deep breath. "What if it is?"

"Then..." Namjoon sighed. "We'll make sure to help you through it?"

Oh. Jimin was expecting Namjoon to struggle answering that. Nope. There was no stopping Namjoon.

"How long has this been going on?" Jungkook asked. He cautiously came close to Jimin to pat his back.

"Months, I don't know?"

"Oh."

"We'll figure this out," Namjoon said.

------

It took a while to get a diagnosis, but Jimin got it. Jimin had Tourette's. It was something that he had never expected, but going through the symptoms, it matched up with him.

It was difficult adjusting, but he managed to go through it. He had more things to watch out for. But he could do it.

He was Park Jimin, after all.

------

Chapter Text

No matter how much he tried to ignore it and act like it didn't exist, the nagging pain was always present in Jimin's back and neck. He hadn't always dealt with it, he knew. But with all the practicing and hard work, it had started. When exactly, he wasn't sure. But it was a major problem.

Jimin tried to deal with it himself. Unless he was in absolute agony, he didn't take painkillers. He didn't want to become dependant on them. Also there were side effects to think about.

Keyword: he tried.

-------

The wind hit his face for a brief second before he was ushered into the building. The others followed closely behind him.

"Are we on first?" Jungkook's mumbled voice came from behind him. Jimin ignored him. More mumbled voices came from behind him. Jungkook got his answer.

Jimin was downright miserable. He hadn't gotten any sleep the past night and his back and neck were starting to hurt. It wasn't unbearable yet though. He would be okay.

There were multiple things that were needed to get done today. A whole music show needed to get filmed  - which involved many songs and many performances. They also needed to practice until everything was just right, so it would take a long time. Then there was the main performance, which was going to take a ton of time to film. Then there was the endless makeup sessions and long talks with the staff. Jimin wanted to die.

He sat as straight as a board, trying to force himself through the pain. A few more hours and he could get back in his bed, sleep, and then hopefully everything would be over. That was always Jimin's magical remedy to cure anything. He swore by it.

The clothes that he was wearing today were heavy and uncomfortable. They weighed down on him, making him feel more exhausted by the passing minute.

"I need everyone to listen carefully," Hoseok's voice rang out over all of theirs. "We are all exhausted. Let's just do this once and get it right."

"There's bound to be a few mistakes," Taehyung said.

"I know, but let's just try and minimize that, okay?"

Jimin nodded miserably.

As he did, a sharp stinging pain spread across his neck and down his back. He gritted his teeth and admitted the truth to himself. He needed painkillers. He promised himself, it would just be today. Then he would be off of them again.

"Is everyone ready to go?" Namjoon asked.

"Give me a second," Jin said.

Jimin watched as he hurried up to get a quick drink of water. Slowly, he got to his feet as well. The bottle of painkillers was right at the top of his bag. He washed a couple down with a gulp of water.

"You alright, Jimin?" Yoongi asked.

"Yeah," he mumbled. He took a deep breath in. Tried to convince himself to not cry. He could do this. He was brave and strong.

"Let's do this," Namjoon said. "Jin hyung, you ready?"

"Yeah."

Jin finally came away from his water bottle and joined them in the line. Jimin could feel his breath on his back. He shivered.

--------

His neck was so sore. He grimaced during the dance, trying to hide the pain. The medication sometimes took a while to kick in. In his case, he definitely should have taken it way earlier.

In the first recording of the performance, he did his best. He tried to look for the camera and give it his best facial expressions. He was sure that a few winces slipped through though.

After the performance was over, he headed back into the dressing room where he promptly collapsed onto the couch. Taehyung huddled into his side.

"We turned the wrong way," Jungkook frowned. "They're probably going to make us redo that."

Jimin could've cried. Instead, he focused on keeping his energy going. The medication was taking a while to kick in - he still couldn't move his head properly. His back hurt. He sighed. He couldn't take more medication so quickly. He needed to be patient. To tolerate, to endure a little more.

"Jimin, you good?" Taehyung whispered from next to him.

"Mmmhm."

"Medication?"

"Yeah."

If Taehyung was concerned, Jimin didn't notice. He only closed his eyes and tried to relax.

--------

They were forced to perform their song three more times. Every time, one of the effects went wrong, somebody made a mistake, the lights blinked off, the list went on. When it was all over, Jimin staggered off the stage. His legs were burning.

"Now onto the music show," Yoongi said cheerily as they stumbled back into the dressing room. "I assume that we're getting a little bit of break before then?"

Their manager was within earshot. She nodded. "Ten minutes."

Jimin sighed. Ten minutes nearly wasn't enough. With the main performance out of the way, the big thing was done. The music show performances didn't need to be quite as perfect, so hopefully it would be faster. Still, there were six songs they needed to tape and just the thought of it was overwhelming.

He needed it.

He crouched into the corner where his bag and slowly slid his pill bottle out. The pain in his body had dimmed a little, but not much. If he wanted to make it through the rest of the day, he needed more. It was dangerous to think about, but he figured that nothing would happen to him.

Besides, he could handle a higher dose. Nothing would happen. It was just one day.

He didn't want to become dependent, oh no, but he needed it today.

Jimin took out a couple tablets and washed them down with water. He felt his pain die down almost instantly. He blinked, taking a deep breath. He couldn't wait to go to sleep.

"Jimin?"

Hoseok was calling his name.

"Yeah?"

"I was just..." Hoseok narrowed his eyes. "Did you take more?"

Jimin nodded.

His eyes softened. "Is it really bad? You can sit out if it's that bad."

"No, no, no," Jimin said. "I... will be fine. Just today, I'm just kind of tired."

"Whatever you say."

"I'm serious."

"Okay." The look of concern on Hoseok's face gradually melted away as Jimin watched. Hoseok glanced at the clock.

"We need to go," he said.

Jimin nodded. "Yes."

-------

Filming the music show was utter hell on earth. Even though they had been convinced that the performances didn't need to be absolutely perfect, it felt wrong to leave big glaring mistakes in their performances. And for Jimin, any mistake of his own was a big glaring one. It didn't matter for anybody else. Even if someone literally fell off the stage, Jimin wouldn't count that. His weird rules only counted for himself.

So Jimin was on edge, making sure that he didn't make any mistakes.

It was hard. His head was spinning. There was so much to focus on.

-------

"Okay, and cut!"

Jimin whirled into a crouch. He swallowed thickly. The pain in his neck and back hadn't disappeared at all. If he moved too quickly, they flared, sending shockwaves down his entire body. He shivered.

"How many songs more?" he called to Taehyung.

Taehyung held up three fingers.

They were only halfway done. Jimin slowly got to his feet. He tried to lift his head to look straight, but could only wince instead. A cramp had set in.

Jimin balled his hand into a fist and tried to fight it off. He was starting to feel dizzy. It was only a matter of time before the director would start filming again.

"Are you okay?" Jimin heard Jin ask. He felt him put a hand on his shoulder. Then hold onto him tighter when he realized that Jimin wasn't steady on his feet at all.

"Yeah."

"I think his thing is bothering him," Hoseok said. "He was taking his pills earlier."

"Oh?"

Jimin swallowed again. "I'm fine," he repeated.

"We're almost done, Jimin, hold on," Jin said. "We're halfway done."

"Go drink some water," Yoongi said. He grasped Jimin's hand. "Come on, I'll take you to the dressing room."

"Be quick about it," the director said.

"Yep."

Jimin let Yoongi lead him out of the studio and back into the backstage hallway. He slowly took deep breaths, trying to will the cramp to go away. When they were at the door to the dressing room, he found that he could lift his head without all his muscles screaming at him.

"You're allowed to sit out," Yoongi said gently.

"It's okay." His words felt slurred. He felt drowsy suddenly for whatever reason.

Jimin headed over to his bag and crouched down. He pulled out his water bottle and took a few sips. It burned all the way down. His throat felt sore. Quickly, he pulled his bag open further. The bottle of pills was resting at the bottom.

Without thinking, he grabbed it. They were only halfway done the filming and he desperately needed to survive it. It wouldn't hurt if he only took a few more.

His mind wasn't really working.

Yoongi glanced at him.

"Why are you taking more?" he asked.

Jimin didn't reply. As if in a daze, he opened the bottle and dumped three pills in his palm. Yoongi grabbed his hands, his eyes wide. Jimin saw himself reflected in his gaze, the droopy, exhausted expression on his face seemed to match his mood.

Jimin tried to register the horror in Yoongi's eyes. Why did Yoongi look so scared?

"What are you doing? Jimin? Jimin!"

Jimin nodded. Yes. Yoongi was speaking.

"Jimin!"

"Jimin, how many did you take before this?"

He tried to push Yoongi away, but his arms were too floppy. He slumped forward, his breath coming out in gasps. Distantly, he was aware that this awkward position would make his neck flare up in pain, but strangely, he didn't feel anything. The only thing he felt was something rising up his throat and suddenly, he was leaning over, coughing. Jimin's throat burned.

Yoongi's tight grip on his arm never let up. Jimin was aware that Yoongi was yelling something loudly, but his mind was so jumbled up that he couldn't decipher the words.

He remembered throwing something up. All the water that he had just drank. Jimin didn't stop gagging though. He coughed and coughed until the bright ceiling lights consumed him and he finally, finally lost consciousness.

-------

Yoongi kept his grip on Jimin all throughout the ordeal. The others flew into the room, the staff, then there were paramedics called, who also came in. It was a blur. He recalled that he was crying at some point.

Jimin was raced to the hospital.

"Will he... what will happen to him?" Yoongi remembered Hoseok asking.

"As long as he makes it to the hospital in time to get his stomach pumped, he'll be fine," one of the paramedics had said. "There is still time."

Yoongi had only nodded dumbly.

--------

Jimin's face looked pale. He seemed to blend into the hospital sheets. His eyes were shut - he was sleeping, the doctors had said. At least he was breathing. Hoseok treasured every single beep of the heart monitor. The stomach pumping had worked. Jimin was going to be okay.

"It wasn't intentional, you know," Jungkook said softly.

"He was just trying to get some relief," Hoseok said.

They all looked exhausted. Their filming had been cut short, but it had been a very long day. None of them dared to even mention moving from Jimin's side though.

"I'm so worried," Namjoon said.

"He's getting kind of, um, dependent on the pills," Hoseok mumbled. "I don't know what to do about that. Are his neck issues really bad or...-"

"I have no idea," Namjoon replied. He sighed deeply.

Jin and Taehyung sat quietly, their heads bowed. Yoongi didn't want know what to say.

"We should take him to a better doctor to deal with the chronic pain issues," Jungkook said.

Hoseok nodded slowly. "He's dealt with it for so long."

"What if something deeper is wrong?" Yoongi asked. It was the first sentence he had said in a while.

"With?"

"Him." Yoongi gestured wildly to Jimin. "What if there's a reason for his pain?"

"What do you mean?"

"He overdosed because he was in so much pain and he wanted relief. So..."

"We're being overworked," Namjoon said. His voice was soft, brittle almost. "If we start slowing down a bit, we'll get some rest. That might help Jimin."

"The filming should've been split up," Taehyung said.

"I agree."

One by one, they all agreed. Jin reached out and clutched Jimin's hand.

They were going to do better. They had to. There was only one way they could prevent this from ever happening again - by looking out for each other.

Chapter Text

Jimin shook his head. He glanced at himself in the mirror for what felt like the hundredth time. It was so hard getting out of bed in the morning. There was a nagging feeling inside of him - he didn't feel like doing anything anymore.

Ever since his brother had passed away, Jimin had felt his own self withering away too. He had always been close to Jihyun. His little brother had always struggled to make friends at school, so Jimin had made his mission to stick up for him. But in the final moments, he had failed.

He still remembered the moment when he had received the phone call. A bus accident. All those years, his entire childhood, was erased in an instant.

Jimin took a deep breath. Sometimes, when he thought about it deeply, a crushing pain would fill his chest and he would need to blink back tears. Other times, it felt manageable. But mostly, that would be accompanied with a sickly guilty feeling.

He pulled himself away from the mirror before he started to cry again. People always said that he and Jihyun looked alike.

"Jimin, can you hurry up?" a cry came from the hallway. It sounded suspiciously like Hoseok.

"Coming!"

He picked up his bag from its resting place on the floor and headed out of his room. He didn't know what they were going to do in the studio today (did it really matter anymore), but if he was late, the others were going to be pissed.

He hadn't told the others about what had happened. He didn't know how to. He felt like he didn't need to. He trusted the others would understand his need to be by himself now.

------

Jungkook sulked. Practice was usually more fun than this. They would usually be joking around and teasing each other. But today, the atmosphere was tight and strained, as if it was a rope that had been stretched way beyond its capabilities. If anyone said the wrong thing, the entire thing would give way.

He didn't miss the way that Jimin looked. His face was drawn up, all bored and sullen. Briefly, Jungkook wanted to ask if everything was alright, but he never got the chance.

As soon as they were let out for a break, Jimin sped away from all the others. He sat down on the floor and started playing with his phone.

"What's up with him?" Yoongi asked.

Namjoon shrugged.

"He's been like that for weeks," Taehyung said.

"I know," Namjoon said. "It's kind of annoying."

"Like, if something's wrong, he can just say. But he's just avoiding us. So it makes me think that he's being annoying," Jin said.

"Yeah."

Jungkook sighed. He decided to go and try to cheer Jimin up. Quickly, he went over to Jimin and sat down next to him.

"What are you looking at?" he asked.

"Nothing." Jimin sounded exasperated.

Jungkook tried to lean over to see, but Jimin switched his phone screen off and turned away from him.

"Why won't you let me see?"

"You don't need to."

"Is it something bad?" Jungkook smirked. "Something NS-"

Jimin's eyes didn't light up with that characteristic sparkle. Instead, he looked annoyed.

"No, absolutely not," he said slowly.

"Then?"

"Then what?"

"Come on, I'm trying to talk to you."

Jimin shrugged. He fidgeted with his phone and Jungkook got the subtle hint that Jimin didn't want him there. He was bothering him. A sudden wave of hatred washed through him. Why was he being treated like this?

"Fine, suit yourself," he muttered as he got up.

Jimin could go screw himself for all he cared. He was bringing everyone's mood down for no reason.

------

Jimin glanced at Jungkook's retreating figure. Jungkook went and joined the others in the other corner of the dance studio. They were murmuring softly to each other. He knew they were discussing him.

He sniffed. He felt the familiar pressure of tears building behind his eyes. He didn't need the others to go against him now, now, now of all times.

He forced himself to glance down at his phone. His mom had sent him a gazillion photos from her phone. There were pictures of the funeral, the death certificate, the doctor's notes, everything that made Jimin question reality. This had all happened? Everything was so final. But still, his life was going on as usual?

It didn't make sense.

He heard the others laugh amongst themselves. Someone had said something funny, he figured. He didn't care. He felt like he was a million miles away from everyone else.

-------

He was always trying to edge away from them, Taehyung noticed in irritation. When they were trying to have a conversation together, Jimin would always act distant. He wanted to shake him sometimes and yell at him. Why was Jimin being like this?

Taehyung watched Jimin carefully during dinner. Jimin was avoiding everyone's gaze. He seemed quite content in his own world.

The others steered the conversation skillfully around him. He never bothered to join in.

"So how are you finding the new songs?" Yoongi asked.

"They're not that bad," Jin said.

"Except the bridge of that one," Hoseok said.

"Ooh, you're right. I hate that one."

"You know what I mean?"

"Yes, of course."

------

Jimin finished his food as quickly as he could. He couldn't stand being around the others. He could also feel exhaustion pulling at his eyelids. There hadn't been a single night recently where he hadn't felt like this.

He could feel the conversation of the others slowly die down as he left. They were definitely unhappy with him, he knew. Jimin didn't care. He already had too much on his plate.

His room was much more welcoming to him anyway.

------

Jimin wasn't sure what time it was, but he was sure that it was in that weird time period where it was too late to still be awake and too early to wake up. He could hear the others yelling in the living room. He was laying in his bed.

He sighed and pulled the pillow over his head. Why couldn't they just all be quiet? He could barely hear himself think.

Suddenly, he heard pounding footsteps down to his room. Jimin held his breath.

The door burst open. Someone stepped inside.

"Jimin, this is crazy. We need to all sit down and talk."

It was Hoseok.

Jimin slowly let out his breath. He didn't owe anybody any explanation. They could just go fuck themselves for all he cared. They could close their eyes and think nice thoughts, but for him, the nightmare was never going to end.

"Jimin."

"I'm asking nicely."

Jimin didn't budge.

Hoseok grabbed him by the shoulders and roughly pulled him up. Jimin was forced to turn around to face him.

"We need to talk."

"Do you know what time it is?" Jimin hissed.

Hoseok was equally as rude. "I don't care about that!"

Before Jimin could protest, he was dragged out of his bed and out into the hallway. He could feel the growing tense feeling from the living room, and he gulped. For whatever reason, he felt guilty.

The others looked pissed off when Jimin entered the living room. Yoongi raised his eyebrow.

"Well, it's a good thing that we finally managed to bring you out of your room," he said.

Jimin stared at the floor. They don't know, he thought. They don't know what I'm going through.

"Jimin, I'm sorry if we're coming off as rude. It's just... you've been so distant lately, and it's hard not to get annoyed by your, I don't know, attitude these days," Namjoon said.

"What do you want me to do?" Jimin mumbled.

Namjoon spluttered. Jimin glanced up to see him looking at Jin for help. Inside, he felt his irritation grow.

"Just talk to us normally," Jin said. "Is that too much to ask?"

That stupid smug look on Jin's face sent Jimin over the edge. He finally lost it. All the pain from the past two months came spilling out, the paint staining everything it touched.

"I feel like it is too much to ask, actually! Not once have any of you stepped forward to ask me if anything has been going on! No, it's just always about you, you, and you, and your feelings, and my bad attitude, and my problems. You can never admit to doing anything wrong, can you?"

Jin looked taken aback. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, then closed it again.

"Did something happen then?" Yoongi asked.

"My brother died in July."

Jimin found himself reeling in the silence. Angry tears crowded into his eyes. A few of them fell. He didn't bother wiping them away. All he felt was blind rage churning through him. They were coming to him to talk about his attitude when he didn't even have the energy to get up in the morning anymore! Really, it seemed like they had their priorities set.

Hoseok cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry Jimin," he said softly. "I didn't know."

"What happened?" Namjoon asked.

Jimin shrugged. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. His mom had already discussed all the possible scenarios with him so many times. Jimin had made himself sick thinking and pondering all the what-ifs. So what, really? All that thinking had resulted in nothing. What's over is already over.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I really didn't know. Please forgive me, I didn't mean it," Jin was repeating. His face was white.

The tears were gushing out of his eyes faster now. Jimin swallowed, feeling the crushing weight of grief in his chest. Namjoon wrapped his arms around him. Jimin worked so hard to pull away, but Namjoon held him firmly.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Jungkook asked, but there was no malice in his voice. He just sounded sad now.

Jimin had always seen Jungkook as his little brother. Now he was the only-

"Shhh." Namjoon's voice felt like a cool rush of wind on a hot summer day. Jimin's face was wet. He felt the first few sobs break out of him, and then the careful control he had kept on himself for so long gave way. He cried in earnest. He didn't even know that he could cry this hard. He could barely breathe.

He felt someone else wrap their arms around him from the back, but other than that, he was blind to the world. Jimin let Namjoon hold him tightly, his old animosity forgotten. Was there any point in fighting anymore? What was he trying to prove anyway?

When he finally pulled away, Jimin almost didn't recognize his own body anymore.

"It will be okay, Jimin," Hoseok said.

"Nothing will ever be okay," Jimin whispered.

"I promise you, one day it will. It will never be the same, but one day, you won't be hurting as much anymore."

-------

The rest of the night was a blur. He remembered crashing into his bed at some point. He remembered waking up in the middle of the night with an empty feeling crawling inside his chest. Jimin hugged his pillow and cried again. Then Taehyung was somehow next to him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

He was so drained after that he fell asleep and didn't wake up until ten.

-------

Jin was sitting at the dinner table when he walked in for breakfast.

"Is everyone else gone?" Jimin asked.

Jin nodded.

He settled at the table as well.

"I can go heat up the food," Jin said.

"It's okay," Jimin said.

"Huh?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Ah." Jin smiled. It looked forced. "I'm sorry again-"

Jimin sighed. "It's okay."

"Sure."

He felt a weird connection to Jin right then. As if maybe, Hoseok's words were going to become a reality one day. Still, thinking about Jihyun was crushing so he tried to not think about it. Denial was the best way to go forward for now.

"How did it happen, if you don't mind me asking?"

Jimin found himself shrugging again. "Accident."

"Oh." Jin's face fell.

"It was instant, they said." Jimin said it, meaning to provide some comfort to Jin, but it failed. Jin looked even more devastated.

"I'm so sorry Jimin, that is absolutely awful."

"I know."

Jimin sighed shakily. He could feel his eyes filling up with tears again. Quickly, he got up and went to the kitchen. The food was resting in the microwave. He punched in the number of seconds and waited for it to beep.

It was such a mundane task. His life was still going on like this, but for someone so special, everything was already over. Jimin struggled to comprehend it.

All he could do now was hope that one day, Jihyun's name only conjured up good memories, and the final ones left for good.

------

Chapter Text

"Jimin! Over here!"

Jimin sighed and headed over to where the dance teacher was pointing at him to go. Today, lots of those corrections had to be made. The stage they were performing on was a lot bigger than the one they had been practicing on, and they needed to learn how to space themselves out properly.

He silently counted out the dance in his head. If he moved this far out then, later he could move this far out, then he would need to come back in... and...

"Can you guys just run it one more time? I know it sucks, but you just need to try to get this right one time."

Jimin nodded obediently to the dance teacher's words. The others trudged to their positions.

Briefly, Jimin noticed the headache that had started up in the back of his head. If he really focused on it, he could its full extent of pain creeping over him, like the tentacles of some funky sea creature. But he could easily ignore it too, as if the sea monster was just some kind of made up fairytale.

He ignored it.

------

The day ended (as days thankfully do) soon after their run-through of the dance.

Jimin accepted Jin's offer for food at some low-quality restaurant. He could barely keep his eyes open during the meal. The others were somehow able to chat.

"Do you guys remember the spin? Which way are you guys going?" Namjoon asked. "I thought it was left."

"It's right," Yoongi said.

"Oh?"

Jungkook shook his head. "No, the people in the left turn left. Everyone on the right turns right. And because I'm in the middle... I just stand and sing."

"Oh, so I do turn left," Namjoon said.

"Oh, oops, sorry, " Yoongi said.

"No worries."

"Which way do I turn then?" Jin asked.

"You're beside me, so you turn right as well," Yoongi said.

"No, we switch positions right before that. He's next to me, and I'm turning left, so he's turning left too," Hoseok said.

"Oh my lord, I give up," Yoongi said. "I'm getting everything wrong."

"It's been a long day. It's okay," Jungkook said.

Jimin sleepily nodded.

"Okay, so left. I get it," Jin said.

"Yeah."

--------

When Jimin finally made it to his room after the meal, he struggled just changing out of his practice clothes.

His medication sat on his nightstand. He was supposed to take it after eating, and he usually was very faithful with taking it. If he didn't take it, there was a very real chance that he would get seizures.

Ever since he was little, he'd had epilepsy. He had been forced to miss a dizzying amount of school until his medication was properly adjusted. Ever since then, he had never had any seizures. His mom made sure that he took his medication every day, and now the members always made sure that he remembered as well.

Jimin was responsible with it.

But today, he was just so tired.

If he wanted to take the pills, he would have to go back out to the kitchen to get water. He didn't feel like doing all that. Thinking about walking was painful enough.

He hadn't had a seizure in more than ten years. He would be fine if he skipped it one day.

Trying to reassure himself, he sank himself down into the covers of his bed. The sheets wrapped him in the softest hug that he had all day. He was so tired that his eyes closed almost instantaneously. He'd been dreaming of this moment all day.

-------

He was forced to wake up before he wanted. Still in a haze, he stumbled out of his bed and into the bathroom. After splashing some water on his face, Jimin finally felt a bit more awake.

"We have to leave in twenty minutes," he mumbled when he glanced at the clock.

Sometimes, when Jimin was really rushed, he entered this state of "mind empty, just get things done". He couldn't think any critical thoughts, just mindlessly do things like a robot.

He mechanically showered as quickly as he could. Then he headed into the kitchen to have his singular piece of bread. Once that was done, he was "ready" to go.

The others looked as exhausted as he felt.

"Let's go have fun," Jin said. His voice cracked in the middle of his sentence.

"Oof, that sounded bad," Jungkook said.

"That was pretty sad," Jin agreed.

-------

Today, the confusion about the left and right spinning was fixed. They practiced again on the big stage. The spacings were corrected. Jimin knew exactly how far he had to go to get across the entire place.

But all his actions came across as automatic because of how tired he was. He could barely keep his eyes open.

At the end of the day, when he got to go to sleep again, he didn't waste any time. He changed into his pajamas and fell right asleep.

Maybe he forgot something?

-------

The next few days were a blur of outfit fittings, dance practices, and photoshoots. In between everything, Jimin doubted that he had enough time to get to everything. He was usually way too tired to think for himself by the end of the day.

So, when the cameras were brought in to film the show with all their bright lights, he figured it would be just like another exhausting schedule.

But that was where he went wrong.

-------

"Look at the light."

Jimin nodded. He looked into the bright camera light one of the staff members had brought, and his eyes burned. He could feel himself tearing up.

When he was finally allowed to look away, he could still see the blinding light shining in front of his face.

"Look again, one more time."

Jimin forced himself through the torture simulator all over again. This time, the light was flickering. On and off, just the slightest bit. It triggered something in him. It was weird, but his head started to hurt in this really weird way. He didn't remember his head hurting like this in a long time.

The sensation was oddly familiar though.

When he could glance away, the imprint of the flickering lights was implanted in his brain. He tried to close his eyes. The lights were playing behind his eyes. He could still see it. It was awful.

"Jimin, you good?"

Namjoon's question went unanswered.

Jimin tumbled down onto the floor. He could barely breathe. The exhaustion of the past few days was probably catching up to him. His shirt stuck to his skin and he was distantly aware of how sweaty he was. He just wanted to lay down...

Someone appeared in front of him, eyes full of concern and worry.

He didn't remember when exactly it started. All he knew was that the world suddenly went out of focus and he wasn't able to keep up anymore.

-------

Namjoon was so confused. Jimin was stumbling along. The lights seemed to be bothering him. He knew that it had been a rough couple of days, but if it was too much, anybody could and should take a break.

"Jimin, you good?"

Jimin probably didn't hear him. He stumbled a couple more steps. Then he collapsed.

"Jimin?"

Namjoon ran to his side. He tried to ask what was wrong, but it was like Jimin wasn't even himself anymore.

He glanced around wildly. Of course, this just had to be time for the solo shots. Of course, the others weren't here. It was just him. Great.

Jimin's eyes were blank. He was probably passing out, Namjoon figured. Low blood sugar? Dehydration? What else could possibly be wrong?

But all of a sudden, Jimin's eyes rolled back into his head. His arms flung out violently, his limbs slackening. Namjoon jumped back. He had never seen anything like this before. Jimin cried out. It sounded like the cry was stuck in his throat.

Namjoon had no idea what to do. He had never seen anybody have a seizure before. He had no idea how to help.

The staff members ran forward too. They looked as helpless as he felt.

Gradually, some of the fear melted away and he thought about what he had to do. He tried to loosen the tight jacket that Jimin had on. His fingers fumbled with the zipper but he finally managed to tug it open. Jimin's shirt was visible. His mouth was slightly open, his lips parted, and Namjoon braced himself again. Jimin wasn't even awake...

He wondered if he should take off his own jacket and slide it underneath Jimin's forehead, but Jimin's eyes blinked open right at that instant.

He glanced up in confusion. Namjoon met his gaze, hoping that he didn't look too confused.

-------

Everything was so bright. He couldn't see anything concrete, just vague shapes that seemed to blend into one another. Like he was completely blind, they shifted together to form one shapeless blob. Jimin groaned.

"Jimin?"

Okay, maybe his other senses worked.

His head was hurting. He closed his eyes again.

He felt soft fabric underneath his head. Then someone stroked his hair away from his forehead. He blinked again. Namjoon's worried eyes broke through the haze.

"It's okay, you had a seizure."

Jimin felt a mild sense of panic arise in him. He wasn't supposed to have seizures anymore. But then he completely relaxed, trying to forget. He was so tired. He couldn't keep his eyes open.

He could feel the subtle worry coming off of Namjoon, and he wanted to open his mouth and say that everything was okay. But he couldn't get the words.

He was just so tired.

--------

When he woke up again, he was laying on his couch. The room was dimly lit and the loud cameras and flashes were gone. It was terrific because his headache was still very present.

There were large windows that opened up to other rooms in the venue. Jimin could see people moving around in there. He watched them for a while before he got tired.

Whatever happened to the photoshoot? The dance? The practice? There were so many questions, but nobody was here to answer.

He settled back into the couch and tried to go back to sleep. He needed the sleep so badly.

--------

Yoongi was shaking him awake. Jimin groaned as he opened his eyes, the light starting to hurt again.

"Does anything hurt?"

"No," he mumbled.

At the sound of his voice, Yoongi seemed to relax.

"How do you feel now?"

As Jimin slowly sat up, Yoongi slid onto the couch next to him. He let Jimin rest his head on his shoulder.

"Just tired."

"Just tired?"

"Do you get seizures if you get too tired or something? Are we working too hard?" Jin's worried voice came from the room around him.

"I don't think so."

"I think your medication needs to be adjusted," Namjoon said. "Maybe it's not working anymore."

"I've never seen you having a seizure. That was scary. When Namjoon hyung told me what was going on, I was so scared," Taehyung said.

Jimin gulped. He thought about his medication and how he'd skipped it for a couple of days. So... everything hadn't turned out to be okay. Well, well, well, if it wasn't the consequences of his own actions.

"I... I don't think it's my medication," he said quietly.

"Then what is it?" Namjoon asked. "Is it stress? Are you eating enough? Do you want a break? What's going on?"

Jimin sighed. His pesky headache was starting up again.

"Hyung, it's just... you know, I was really tired and sleepy and I maybe, um, you know, didn't take the medication for a couple days. You know?" The last words he said directly into Yoongi's shoulder. He couldn't make eye contact.

Everyone fell silent. Jimin held his breath.

"Well... maybe you shouldn't do that," Hoseok said helpfully.

Yeah, he knew that.

"You were so tired that you forgot?" Jungkook asked.

He sounded almost sarcastic, but Jimin soon realized that he meant well.

"Yeah," Jimin said.

"I'll remind you from now on then," he said. "Every night, I'll make a pilgrimage to your room."

Jimin smiled despite himself.

"If you get another one, I'll be sure to take you to the doctor," Namjoon said.

"Okay."

"I think we should dial it back a bit with the practices," Jin said. "Just a little bit. I don't think Jimin should be jumping into twenty-hour days like this."

"Yes, that's a good idea," Namjoon said.

"I'm okay." Jimin lifted his head to glance around at everybody. To reassure them.

But deep down, he did agree with Jin's words.

-------

Chapter Text

If there was anything that Jimin really didn't like about himself, it would have to be his steaming temper. When he was tired or overwhelmed, he snapped very easily. Often, he would say things that he would go on to regret. In school, that had happened a lot. Maybe he was overwhelmed with work or he didn't get a lot of sleep, whatever the case, he would say whatever to whoever, and he would get in trouble. He did always make sure to apologize later, but still. Sometimes, those friendships were gone forever.

In recent years, he'd tried to learn how to control his temper. The other members didn't have explosive tempers like him. Hoseok sometimes got snappy, but he never said things that made the others cry. Yoongi was usually quiet when he got angry, along with Jin, Jungkook, Taehyung, and Namjoon. So, basically everyone. It made Jimin stand out all the more.

He was trying to fix himself though! He was trying to get better. He was trying to improve himself. Wasn't that half the battle?

------

The schedules were jammed. Sometimes, Jimin wondered if they even knew the meaning of the word "break". There were ten performances in two weeks and there was still so much to learn. The outfits hadn't been finalized, the band had been given their sheet music four hours ago, and they still had three choreographies to learn. Jimin was also genetically blessed to get overwhelmed easily, so the whole situation made him want to rip his hair out. If he even took one hour to himself, he would feel himself getting anxious. It was driving him insane.

Dance practice was probably the most crazy. The songs were too fast and Jimin couldn't pick up the moves fast enough. Usually, he was pretty good at picking things up quickly.

He was just so irritated. Everyone was annoying.

"I can't get this right," Taehyung kept saying. "It's too hard."

"Can't we simplify this?" Jin asked.

Jimin watched the dance video over and over again. The choreographer was trying to explain, and their dull voice rose above the din in the dance studio.

Nothing was making sense.

"Jimin, why don't you help teach it?" the choreographer suddenly called. "I guess my teaching style isn't really working."

He turned, frowning.

"Whatever happened to Hoseok hyung?"

Hoseok was on the floor, holding his water bottle tightly.

"I'm tired," he said. "Please, just take over for me."

Jimin's frown only deepened. They were all tired, but none of them were being that dramatic. It took him a lot of effort to not lash out. Instead, he pressed his lips into a thin line and headed to the front of the studio.

"So, we start out like... with our backs turned and our arms off to our sides. Like this."

He demonstrated. Within a moment, he was back to watching the video again because he just couldn't remember what the hell came next.

He kept having to teach one move and then running back to the video, over and over again.

Taehyung was getting frustrated.

"Hey Jimin, if you don't know the dance, we can just learn it together. You don't have to stress yourself like that," he said.

"I'm trying, just..."

The others tried to follow along, but it was really annoying to learn one move, then pause for two minutes before doing anything else.

"I can't remember anything," Yoongi said.

Finally, Jin lost his temper. "If you don't know the dance, just get in line and learn with all of us. Stop wasting our time doing this."

Jimin sputtered. "What the hell? I know it better than you all!"

He glanced at Hoseok and the choreographer for help, but they just stared at him with half-glazed eyes.

Jimin scowled.

"If you're so sure, why don't you teach the dance?"

"I don't know what I'm doing," Jin said.

"Then stop talking."

"But I'm not wasting people's time and doing this nonsense. That, I think, is the difference between you and me. I actually respect people's time."

"No, what-"

"Okay guys, that's enough," Namjoon said. "Jimin, let the choreographer do it instead. Jin hyung, just knock it off."

Even though Jimin knew Namjoon was just trying to be diplomatic, it embarrassed him all the same. Reluctantly, he pulled away from the front.

"Well..." Hoseok said slowly, chuckling. "I guess I should've taken charge before. Sorry."

Jimin scowled again. He could feel his temper slowly rising. They still had so many things to do! And here they were, still arguing about silly things. He was starting to spiral again.

He forced himself to pay attention as the choreographer started trying to teach again. He'd been right - his teaching style really wasn't cutting it. He'd jump from one subject to the next, one move to the next, or one topic to the next, without really explaining how to connect the two things.

What's worse was that he could feel everyone's eyes on him. Any time he made a mistake, he could feel Jin's gaze, and all the judgement that came with it. Logically, he knew, yes, everyone was worn out. But he was too. And he was tired.

Unfortunately, with this many things to do, being tired was no longer an excuse. He would just have to start working later and longer, and hell of a lot harder.

------

It was so awkward now. The others still interacted with him fine, but he could no longer look Jin in the eye.

There wasn't a single thing he could think of saying to Jin to resolve the situation. It was Jin that had started the whole deal, so it wasn't fair that Jimin had to solve it.

It was a waste of time to think about it anyway.

So he poured all his energy into practicing. Every night, he would get only four hours of sleep. And the rest was all dedicated to the studio. He would go in, after regular rehearsal, at 11 PM to run all through the choreographies and the songs. It helped get his mind off things and reminded himself that he did know what he was doing.

That day had just been a fluke. Just a bad day. The next time the choreographer asked, he would do an amazing job teaching.

He would. He had to.

His pride depended on it.

------

The clock must've struck two when the door to the dance studio creaked. Jimin had turned the music up and was trying to perfect the footwork to a particularly difficult section when Namjoon walked in. His eyes were sunken, and his hair was messy.

"Jimin? What are you doing?"

Jimin obediently stopped practicing and shrugged.

"Just working on some sections," he said. He winced - he hadn't realized his voice was that hoarse. He'd just run through the highest parts of the songs, maybe that was why.

"You've been doing this for a while, haven't you?" Namjoon asked. "Practicing this late into the night?"

Jimin shrugged again.

"We have a performance tomorrow."

"I know."

"It's the first performance."

"Yes, I know."

"We need to be up early."

Jimin nodded, clicking his tongue. "Yes hyung, I know."

Namjoon smiled sadly. "If you know all this, what are you still doing? I'll take you home, come on."

"No, it's just this one part. Please. You can go. I'll be back by four."

"Jimin, we have to be up at six."

Oh, he'd forgotten that. Jimin's shoulders sagged. As he turned, he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He looked half dead.

He snapped back into reality when he felt Namjoon's hand in his.

"Come on, you've been working too hard again. Get some sleep for once."

Jimin sighed. He packed up his things and let Namjoon lead him out the door. Towards the dorms. Towards tomorrow.

------

Jimin was sure that he and Jin's distance was obvious, but the audience cheering in front of them were as oblivious as ever. Even the few times they had to interact in the dance were executed well.

Every time Jimin had to look at Jin, he kept his gaze schooled on his forehead. Never at his mouth, and definitely not at his eyes.

This time was no different. He and Jin were supposed to cross the stage from opposite sides. Jimin kept his expression neutral. However, his line of sight drifted behind Jin. There was a tall lighting fixture that was mounted on a tall pole. It had given the technicians trouble all morning as the pole just wouldn't stay upright.

He watched it happen in slow motion. Jin had walked too far forward, and when he turned around, his arm brushed the pole. Any other structure would've stayed upright, but not this one. Jin didn't notice. He also didn't move out of the way fast enough.

Jimin tore forward. He grabbed Jin's arm and grabbed him towards him. The momentum sent him careening past Jin.

Now, the passage of time had slowed to a crawl. Jimin watched the pole slip out from underneath, and the light structure tumbled down. Jimin watched it get closer and closer to him, until a heavy black object blocked his view.

He would've moved out of the way, but in that instant, it was like all the lost sleep and worry had rendered him immobile.

All he could do was stand there.

The last thing he remembered was something striking his head, and him falling. The cool floor of the stage platform seemed to stretch for miles underneath.

-------

Jungkook was on the same side of the stage as Jin. He was supposed to move forward after Jimin and Jin had switched, trade places with the former, and go to the center. At least, that's what they had practiced for the last couple of weeks.

But he froze in place when he saw the whole light pole get knocked over. But when he saw Jimin whirling towards it, his legs suddenly found the energy to start moving again.

One of the battery packs of the lights was hanging loose. It came out, hitting Jimin in the head.

Jungkook moved fast. If the enormous stage light fell on top of Jimin, there was only going to be one winner, and it wasn't going to be Jungkook's tiny hyung. He managed to drag Jimin's limp body away slowly by pulling his jacket and leg.

It was convenient that the technicians controlling the lights decided now would be a great time to turn off all the stage lights. For a terrifying second, Jungkook had no idea whether he'd managed to pull Jimin completely out of the way.

There was a loud crash. Jimin whimpered.

Jungkook felt his heart drop. He crouched next to where he thought Jimin was and tried to feel for his face. The only thing his fingers brushed against was Jimin's fresh tears. Good. So his face wasn't smashed in.

"Are you hurt?" Jungkook asked.

Jimin answered no in a wobbly voice.

Jungkook had no idea who'd appeared on the other side, but somebody grabbed Jimin's other arm and helped both of them to their feet.

"Let's go, get off this stage," Jin's voice sounded. Suddenly, Jungkook realized who it was.

------

Namjoon made the medic check Jimin out. Other than a nasty bruise across the side of his forehead where the battery pack had hit him, Jimin was alright.

The show on hold, the others sat around as Jimin clutched an ice pack. His hands were shaking violently.

Jungkook was shaking too. His face had gone all pale. Looking around, all of them looked freaked out. But Jin seemed terrified. He hadn't said anything since that one sentence.

"What happened?" Yoongi asked softly. "Did the light just give way?"

Jin suddenly burst into tears, much to Jungkook's surprise.

"It was my fault," he blubbered. "I knocked it over."

"On purpose?" Taehyung asked.

Namjoon shot him a glare. "No."

"How though?" Yoongi asked.

Jimin carefully spoke up. Talking too loudly hurt his head. "He walked too forward and his hand kind of brushed against it."

"Oh."

Jin put his head down.

"It was just an accident then," Taehyung said.

"You saved his life Jungkook," Hoseok said from the side. "If that giant thing had fell on..." He shivered.

"I'm so sorry," Jin said.

"It's alright," Namjoon said automatically, though Jimin knew Jin wasn't apologizing only for today.

Jimin managed to force a smile. More than anything, he wanted that dance practice to be forgotten. With today's events, he knew it would be buried. He reached forward and clasped Jin's trembling hand.

"I forgive you."