Archive of Our Own ^beta

It started with a question.

A question that hadn't been asked for a long time.

''So, how does the story end?''

The figure was perfectly distinguishable against the light of the moon, silver tainting every step as they approached him in search for information.

He had wondered when they would show up. When they would get tired of waiting.

''There may be more than one answer to that question'', Jeongin merely replied, catching the dissatisfied gleam in the figure's eyes, but not bothering to explain himself.

He smiled at them, pitying, yet almost condescendingly so as he caught them staring at something hung in the tree behind him.

He didn't even need to turn around to guess what it was their eyes had settled on, hard and cold as they were. He had wondered what they would feel in a moment like this.

It had started with a question.

A question he couldn't answer by himself.

Jeongin's smile faltered a little.

''But the means to confirm that is about to disappear.''

The night stretched out tranquil and peaceful, enclosing the bustling and sparkling city of Seoul with a blanket of darkness that was adorned by the occasional star, not many of them actually bright on the cloudy sky, but still a source of comfort nonetheless.

The scathing wind ripped at Felix's clothes, light and very much unsuitable for the harsh weather, as he continued his ascent to the top of Inwangsan mountain, the presence of Seoul City Wall that ran alongside him a reminder that he was indeed still on the right track even if the darkness made it hard to orientate.

It was completely quiet aside from the rustling of leaves around him and the echo his footsteps made on the trail, but the silence didn't bother him as much anymore as it used to, having promoted from being a suffocating proof of his loneliness to being a welcome opportunity to simply think about what he could have done differently to prevent this.

Whatever this even really was aside from weeks of falling in and out of unconsciousness and going about his day almost mechanically so in hopes that it would somehow erase all the pointless fragments of a happy life that were still so fresh on his mind.

However, he could just never bring himself to part with any of the pictures that lined the wall of their kitchen or the mirror he had gotten as a birthday gift a few years back or the ugly striped curtains they had bought as a joke but had never gotten around to replacing with something more stylish or the clothes that lay messily all around the living room as an ode to all the nights he had stumbled home with little to no energy left from producing.

Felix had endless examples of memories like this, all of which had been born within the walls of their cute, yet admittedly fairly tiny house, and all of which he had no willpower to discard as if they had never happened despite his friends' advice to finally move on.

Especially Hyunjin was convinced that he wouldn't be able to grow unless he faced forward, but there was no motivation left in Felix that would have pushed him to follow that path.

Instead, he much rather reveled in his misery given to him by this unfair judgement and the lost future he was hanging onto with all his might, willing it to return to him.

Willing him to return to his side.

His feet caught on something on the trail and he stumbled, ungracefully tumbling to the rocky ground that dug into his hands and knees harshly.

He let out a pained wheeze, but just as he was about to push himself up, his gaze settled on his dirtied hands and he froze in horror as he saw the ten bare digits.

He knew he had it on when he had left for the mountain, after all he never really took it off, not even for showering or sleeping despite what all the magazines said, because he feared he would misplace it if he let it out of his sight.

His fear of losing it had become even bigger after all of this had happened, the shiny silver rings the two of them had exchanged in front of the altar one of the last tangible items that was directly linked to him.

And now he had misplaced it.

His wedding ring.

Felix wanted to punch himself, but thought better of it and opted for a heavy sigh, the nature of which reverberated through his entire body as he dug around in the soil, hoping he had lost the ring during his fall and not already on the way.

As his search became more frantic, dirt started gathering under his nails and his eyes welled up in desperation, silent prayers for his most valuable item to turn up again escaping his lips, but he held no high hopes of it actually becoming a reality.

He had prayed so much all throughout the cruel ordeal, pleading for some sort of deity to sweep in and erase the sin that hadn't even been committed by him, but if there was someone up there, they had turned a deaf ear and blind eye to him, leaving them to struggle alone while the world had pointed their fingers at the man he loved so dearly.

The tears were now actively streaming down his face as he scanned the surrounding area for any sign of the familiar silver, but there simply was nothing there and it felt like a punch to the gut.

He had lost his wedding ring. He had actually lost it.

A whimper tore from his throat, followed by a straight up wail, and he turned his face towards the sky, sending out an apology to the dull stars that were willing to listen.

He was convinced, for the sake of his own sanity, that one of them, one of the few that was watching him, was his departed spouse.

And he liked to think it was the lone star that faintly sparkled over the mountain, wanting to be as close to him as possible just like when he had been alive.

The thought made another sob spill from his lips and he pushed himself up on shaky legs, uselessly wiping at his eyes, but only ending up smearing the dirt around.

He didn't want to keep going up the mountain, but he figured he had an obligation since Jisung had specifically asked him to meet there today, right under the tree that had taken his spouse's life.

It would have normally been a place he wanted to avoid at all costs, but the government had had the audacity to bury him right there, next to the three unfortunate souls whose killer still ran rampant, so Felix had no choice but to visit the gruesome place whenever he simply wanted to share some of his memories with the man who was lost forever.

Just like his wedding ring.

With a heavy heart, he hiked the rest of the way, trying hard not to focus on the towering tree that stood tall and intimidating at the top of the mountain, almost as if it was ruling it.

Jisung was sat underneath it, leaning against the bark with his eyes closed and listening to the stories told to him by the wood and the leaves, the stories of innocence and love and pain and death.

The only indication that he wasn't sleeping was the way he mindlessly toyed around with something in his hand and the occasional soft nod that served as an answer to whatever the tree was saying to him right now.

Felix didn't believe in such things, but Jisung had always been more on the spiritual side of life, so he wasn't surprised that the boy was talking to trees or claiming to see ghosts or anything alike.

As if noticing him coming closer, Jisung opened his eyes, sitting up properly and waving him over to his spot, and after a moment of hesitation, Felix obliged, carefully lowering himself to the ground beneath the tree like he feared it would attack him if he made a sudden move.

Almost instantly, a feeling of dread overcame him and he noticed his palms getting sweaty, the atrocious memories of what had transpired in this very spot pressing down on his chest and throat and causing him to choke.

He had been trying to get past his overwhelming emotions for a while now, Jisung's exposure therapy helping quite a lot with that, yet there were always minor – or major – setbacks along the way, such as this one.

Jisung didn't leave him struggling for long though, reaching out to take his hand right away and rubbing circles on the back while his other hand came up with a tissue to wipe the tears and dirt off Felix's face.

It barely took a minute before Felix flung himself into the boy's arms, crying and begging for him to take his memories away while his nails made unsightly wells into Jisung's skin, but Jisung didn't mind, embracing him as tightly as he could and even starting to hum a familiar tune to soothe him.

It did little to stop the aching in his heart, especially as he recognized the song as the one 3racha had made on his behalf after he had complained that there were too little songs picking out dreams as their central theme, but he appreciated the effort anyway.

Jisung hummed the entire song at a slightly slower pace than it actually was and by the end of it Felix had calmed down enough to be able to slowly detach himself from the boy, catching the reassuring and slightly sad smile he was offering him.

''Are you feeling alright for now?''

Felix appreciated that Jisung always phrased his questions like this, never asking beyond the here and now because that was what mattered. They would tackle everything that came afterwards later.

So even if he knew he would feel like shit in a few hours or even just in a few minutes, he was alright for this particular moment and that was all that mattered.

He nodded, making an attempt to smile back at Jisung only to find that his gaze was drawn to the boy's hand and the thing he had started playing around with again.

A stuttering breath left his lips as he recognized it, but before he could ask about the how or where, Jisung had lifted Felix's hand and gently slipped the wedding ring back on his finger.

''Jeongin found it'', he supplied with a sheepish smile, but Felix wasn't feeling up for smiling anymore.

''That isn't funny.''

There was a throbbing phantom pain on his cheek, right where Hyunjin had hit him so fiercely when Felix had expressed how much he missed his spouse, and while he still thought Hyunjin had slightly overreacted, he understood that he himself had been a little insensitive, especially so early after the older had lost his boyfriend of nearly four years to a violent crime.

''This fucking psycho murdered, dismembered and ate Innie and you're here whining about how miserable your life is? Fuck you.''

Things had been tense between them for a long time after that, way beyond the point of... well, this, but wounds healed and therapy helped and then Changbin had confessed to Hyunjin.

He had been a big part of Hyunjin's resolution to keep moving forward, though Felix couldn't shake off the feeling that Hyunjin had positively rushed into the marriage this time, probably plagued by the guilt that he had taken his sweet time with Jeongin until it was too late.

Felix wouldn't consider the guy a best friend like Jisung was, maybe not even a close one, maybe not one at all, but he liked to think they were getting along well enough even without Jeongin being the one connection they had to each other.

Maybe they were simply trying to honor his efforts by keeping in touch.

Jeongin had been the reason Felix had met his future spouse when he had gone out of his way to throw this huge rich kid party for his graduation, inviting all his friends and then disappearing with Hyunjin in the middle of the night to do the business.

Or, as he would later declare with a cheeky grin, to get to know Hyunjin in the biblical sense.

The expression still made Felix chuckle, if only because he knew how strictly religious Jeongin had been brought up, but it was a sad chuckle because he knew he would never get to hear something like this again.

Jeongin was dead.

One of the three victims claimed by the killer that wasn't his spouse.

So for Jisung to allege that Jeongin had been the one to find his missing ring was impossible and, honestly, quite unfunny. If it had even be meant to be a joke.

''I'm serious'', Jisung defended, holding up his hands in a sign of surrender. ''He just came up to me and-''

''He is dead, Jisung!'', Felix interrupted, voice almost cracking halfway through. ''Why don't you understand that?! Just because we didn't have a body to bury doesn't mean he isn't dead!''

Just when he thought he had forced the tears down, they came again, rolling down his cheeks relentlessly and cooling the stinging that was present there, the stinging that he felt had been deserved.

Jisung's eyes were wide from the little outburst and he looked as if he wanted to argue, but the moment came and went and he just embraced Felix again, deeming this as the safer option when he saw the tears brimming at his best friend's eyes.

''I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset, Lix'', he mumbled and Felix could feel his hand find its way back to his own, soft and warm, the epitome of life in a place so full of death.

He leaned into the other boy's touches, his head coming to rest on Jisung's shoulder and their chests pressed together so he could listen to his heartbeat and while he knew that the position would most likely be uncomfortable for a longer time, Jisung didn't protest and let Felix melt into him.

They must have nodded off because the next time Felix opened his eyes, it was to the glowing morning sun and the sound of footsteps approaching the spot where he was still tangled together with Jisung, the boy snoring and clinging to him like a koala and looking really adorable.

He seemed to be completely at ease, features relaxed and even a trace of a fond smile on his lips as he was no doubt dreaming about Minho.

Minho.

Felix's heart constricted painfully in his chest and his eyes unconsciously wandered over to one of the branches of the tree they were lying under, catching sight of the dreamcatcher he had hung up there, the thing softly swaying in the wind, erasing all of Jisung's bad dreams.

It had once belonged to Minho, the mint colored feathers dangling off it more than enough proof to confirm that fact, and after his death, his parents had given a lot of Minho's stuff to Jisung, knowing it would bring the boy at least some sort of comfort.

Why Jisung had decided to put the dreamcatcher here of all places, out in the open for anyone to steal it, he didn't know, but what he did know was that it had stirred up this weird ritual of them collecting their lost friends' dreamcatchers to hang them up in the tree as well.

As stated previously, Minho's was mint colored, hanging off one of the lowest branches because, to quote Jisung, he loved being awoken by Minho hyung gently smiling down at him.

It was close to devastating how he had managed to say such a thing with a happy smile on his face, even knowing that Minho had fallen victim to a ruthless killer, but he figured it was the boy's coping mechanism and who was he to comment on how other people handled loss?

A bit further up the tree was Jeongin's dreamcatcher, hot pink feathers with black pearls that formed a visible contrast to the green and brown of the tree and probably caught everyone's eye.

Practically right next to it was a purple dreamcatcher with almost twice as many feathers as Jeongin's had, some of which had of course already been ripped off by the strong winds up here, and seeing it again left a bitter taste in Felix's mouth because even after so much time had passed, Seungmin's family still didn't have any closure.

They assumed he was dead, everyone did, but there was no proof to back up this assumption, no weapons to be found anywhere, no body to be retrieved from some random ass lake like Minho had been, no nothing really.

Seungmin had seemingly just vanished into thin air, no trace left of him not only in the country but in the entire world.

Many had suggested he might have started a new life somewhere, but that appeared unlikely as documents had emerged of him buying an apartment in the center of Seoul and being hired as a professional photographer for the newspaper Seoul National, so that left the police back at square one with nothing to work with except the knowledge that Seungmin just wasn't there anymore.

His gaze wandered further and the nausea became real as he was met with the most calming blue he ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on, reminding him of the flowing water of a river or the ocean stretching out in front of him, tiny ripples in the otherwise completely still surface on a scorching summer day in Australia.

Chan.

This dreamcatcher was Chan's.

Truthfully, Felix hadn't wanted to put it here, preferring to leave everything in their home as it was in favor of preserving Chan's memory, but there had been something within him, a strange feeling, an urge, an invisible force that had pushed him to hang the dreamcatcher in the tree anyway.

He liked to believe that force had been Chan, liked to think Chan was still watching over him, but he would probably never have any answer to that.

The sound of footsteps again tore him away from the memory and he sighed, making an effort to untangle himself from Jisung while the boy was mumbling something about cheesecake.

His muscles were sore from sleeping against Jisung and he took the time to leisurely stretch, blinking the sleep from his eyes and facing towards the sun, just like Chan had told him in the earliest days of their marriage.

''Face the sun and all shadows will fall behind you.''

He had remembered these words as twilight had fallen over his mind after Chan had passed away and even when he felt he didn't want to go on, much rather ending his suffering then and there than living in a world that didn't hold the love of his life, he had pushed himself past that sentiment with the help of the sun and Jisung and Changbin and Hyunjin.

And maybe his therapist had helped as well, but in his mind he had mastered the struggle himself.

So Felix faced the sun, closing his eyes and simply basking in the morning glow and recalling all those stupidly cheesy things Chan used to tell him until he deemed himself ready to get through another day.

''Everything I've never done, I want to do with you.''

He used to say that all the time when Felix came home from work, disappointed because of the sinking business and off-handedly commenting how he wanted to try something new. Chan had liked that.

''I love you not only for what you are but for what I am when I'm with you.''

He associated the memory with Chan coming to visit him at work whenever he could take time out of his busy producer schedule, hands full of bags of food for Felix. Chan had loved food almost as much as he had loved Felix.

''You are my today and all of my tomorrows.''

A picture of their group came to mind, sitting around a table in the restaurant Felix worked at and leisurely chatting with each other about the most arbitrary of things, be it the quality of the food, some event they had planned to attend or even just the weather. Chan had more often than not made embarrassing comments and flirted with Felix whenever he got the chance, the rest of their friends just groaning in displeasure and muttering about how their appetite was ruined.

''My heart is and always will be yours.''

And this sentence... this sentence was their own, delicate secret.

Swiftly turning around, Felix made his way over to the makeshift graves a bit further off behind the tree from where he had heard the footsteps, the initial reason he had gotten up in the first place.

It wasn't suspicious that there was another person here, after all no matter how much he didn't want to accept it, this place was a public viewpoint and not at all suited to be a memorial for a murder, but he always felt a little hurt in his privacy with other people nearby, especially when they were looking over the graves and making assumptions about his friends that lay buried – or not – at their feet.

However, as Felix approached the person who interrupted the tranquility of this place, he instantly recognized them as a close friend of Minho's, Kihyun if his memory wasn't failing him, and that in turn made him back away, intent on giving the guy some privacy to mourn.

He barely caught a glimpse of the yellow rose Kihyun placed down, the flower familiar in a painful kind of way, and he turned away, trying to suppress the images his mind insisted on throwing at him to no avail.

''Sunshine.''

Chan had started calling him sunshine very early on in their relationship, back when they had been young and carefree and so incredibly stupid that they had ended up in detention more often than not for passing each other cute notes all the time in class and paying more attention to freckles and dimples than to linear equations and vector analysis.

The pet name had stuck with them throughout all these years, bringing along the added bonus of Felix starting to call Chan sunflower, the enigma of these flowers always turning towards the sun such a beautiful metaphor for how their relationship progressed.

''Yes?''

''Were you the one who left these flowers at my dorm room?''

It had been a bouquet full of roses, stupidly enough yellow ones, the ones that stood for friendship rather than love, because Felix had been so gone the day before from being out all night that he had honestly struggled to tell apart colors.

Looking back on it, he still cringed from embarrassment, but Chan had taken it with humor, as he so often did when Felix was involved.

''I appreciate the sentiment, but I hope you're not downgrading me to a friend here.''

He'd never and Chan had known that.

Chan had understood him, from the very first day, full of sunshine and fluffy clouds and newfound joy as they had joined hands and walked into the sunset together, to the very last day, full of rain and strong winds and shattered beliefs as Chan had called out for him to leave, apologizing that this was as far as they could go.

Felix was aware he could always go one step further though.

The day passed surprisingly fast, him and Jisung spending most of their time on walks through the city, stopping here and there to buy some stuff because Jisung once again demonstrated that he had no impulse control and low and behold, by the end of their shopping trip, the boy had indeed purchased a set of rings with embedded jewels – the one with a ruby for himself and the one with an emerald for Minho.

Felix didn't have the heart to tell him that Minho had no way of actually being able to wear it because Jisung seemed so happy and excited that it would have been a sin to kill his joy.

He knew he had to pop the boy's bubble eventually, for it wasn't really healthy to keep living in delusions like this, but at the same time he wanted it to go on for a little longer because he wanted Jisung to be okay for the time being and him denying that Minho was very much dead actually worked towards that goal.

He couldn't quite understand how Jisung was still stuck in denial, but if he had to make an educated guess, he would probably bet his money on the fact that Jisung had never seen the body, Felix having made sure that he stayed away from the investigation and even the more than unsubstantial funeral that could have been for any random person on the street and hadn't even scraped the topic of what Minho had been like as a person.

He had perceived that funeral in particular as rather heartless, especially coming from a funeral such as Jeongin's where there had been tears and mourning and heartfelt words about a young man that had barely reached adulthood and had already been ripped from the loving arms of his family and boyfriend.

Hyunjin had been at his lowest point that night, angry at the murderer for taking his love away, angry at the priest for not having a body to bury and speaking to an empty casket, angry at the rainy weather for ruining his flowers and cutting the ceremony short, angry at himself for living and breathing when Jeongin didn't anymore.

It had been an emotional rollercoaster and the same sentient had carried over to Seungmin's funeral as well, Felix bawling his eyes out while clinging onto Chan, apologizing and rambling and hoping and wishing. Jisung had been there too, petting his head comfortingly, though not shedding any tears of his own and not even looking at the casket as he had torn up a picture, little snippets sailing to the ground and lying forgotten in the grass, red contrasting green.

And Minho?

Minho had gotten some vague cookie cutter speech, mixed with some semi sincere words about being safe and sound in death and that had been that.

Felix could agree with any of the family members and friends who had attended the ceremony that it had felt bland and unsatisfying, but in hindsight, he figured the funeral was still better than the one Chan had gotten. Or more like hadn't gotten.

They had killed him and just unceremoniously dumped him into a hole, no effort made of treating the man they assumed to be a killer like a human being that was worthy of respect. Like a human being that was literally someone's entire world.

In fact, they had sunken so low as to steal Chan's wedding ring and attempt to sell it to make profit of a life and a dream they had destroyed without feeling the slightest glint of remorse or guilt for their shameless actions.

Felix still remembered getting that call from Changbin close to midnight the day after Chan's death, the older drawing a shaky breath as he had advised Felix to sit down and try not to cry.

Of course Changbin had recognized the ring when he'd seen it up for sale on the internet, after all he had been the one who had made it, utmost care and precision poured into making sure the set of wedding rings catered to both Chan's and Felix's wishes.

He had made engagement and wedding rings for pretty much every couple in their group, Hyunjin and Jeongin included, even though there was some discord in their group of friends if the rings had really been made for these two.

It just seemed strange considering they had never voiced their wishes to marry in the first place, but then again, maybe Changbin had already anticipated it, whatever reason he might have.

No matter the case, as far as Felix was aware, Jeongin's unused rings still sat somewhere at Hyunjin's and Changbin's place, neither of them finding the heart to part ways with them.

Changbin had never been vocal about his spouse's buried, yet still strangely intense feelings for Jeongin, understanding that Hyunjin wasn't at fault for feeling this way and that he was blaming himself enough about his lingering love as it was.

If Felix took a step back to really look at the bigger picture, he could admit that Changbin was probably the one to suffer the most losses in this affair while at the same time giving what he had left to everyone around him in a feeble attempt to return peace to their broken group.

And honestly, if Changbin hadn't spotted Chan's ring and bought it back from these despicable people for a whopping 7500$, the price of an engagement ring rather than a wedding ring, Felix would indeed have been missing a lot more of his inner peace.

Having Chan's ring back, safely stored away in the box where his engagement ring was as well, did wonders for Felix's sanity whenever he felt low and, for a lack of more appropriate wording, wanted to lay himself to rest.

He didn't know how Jisung was coping, having neither Minho nor his engagement ring for comfort, but somehow the boy was strangely at peace with himself as well, despite the nonexistent wedding he had prepared so diligently for.

Of course he was happy for his best friend to not be suffering as much as he thought he would be, but at the same time it felt off for Jisung to behave like this when he had been so smitten for Minho, always going on about how much he was looking forward to spending the rest of his days with the older and having stars in his eyes whenever Minho did so much as look at him or pinch his cheeks with that playful smile on his face.

''Lix, are you there?''

Jisung waved his hand in front of Felix's eyes, slightly worried about having not received a response for some time now, and Felix blinked rapidly, shaking his head and focusing his mind on the here and now.

''Sorry, I wasn't listening, what did you say?''

Jisung puffed out his cheeks like he was offended, but by the tiny sparkle in his eyes, Felix could tell he wasn't really meaning it.

''I asked if you wanted to come spend some time at our place?'', he repeated. ''Minho hyung isn't home yet, so we could have some quality bestie time?''

Minho hyung isn't home yet.

The fact that Jisung seemed completely serious saddened Felix and he considered speaking up, trying to explain that Minho wouldn't be coming back, trying to help his friend get over his delusions, but when he opened his mouth, the only words that came out were ''I'd like that.''

In the end, they were lying huddled together on the couch in Jisung's comfortable living room, watching some random movies on TV that ranged from absolute garbage to surprisingly enjoyable.

Felix was dozing on and off pretty much the entire time, being roused mostly by Jisung moving around during a particular unnerving scene or by his squeals when he had guessed an important plot point correct, but after a while, those actions subsided as well, both of them seemingly ready to get some rest.

Until Jisung suddenly perked up out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of a more than sleepy Felix as he scrambled to free himself of the blanket they had draped over themselves so he could reach for a photo album that was leaning against the couch.

''By the way, Minho hyung found it again'', he exclaimed proudly, almost shoving the album into Felix's face who had a hard time getting himself in an upright position and paying enough attention to decipher the ornamental letters on the cover.

He didn't know where his best friend's burst of energy had suddenly come from, but to be honest, he didn't appreciate it because he really craved some sleep right now.

Memories of us.

And suddenly he was wide awake.

He recognized the album as the one Seungmin had made with the help of Kihyun for their first anniversary after getting married, both of them beautifully capturing all those magical moments that had transpired between their group of friends over the years, their ups and downs, their happiness, their sadness, their laughter and their tears.

All of their friends had gotten a copy, but Jisung being Jisung had misplaced his album after only a week, always complaining that things disappeared mysteriously in his house.

It seemed like he had found it after all those years.

Felix opened the first page, immediately seeing himself smiling into the camera, a flower crown on his head and his hand nervously adjusting the tie of his tuxedo, wanting to look the best he could.

The picture had been taken on his wedding day, predictably, with him pacing up and down in Jisung's garden as soon as the stylists had finished doing his hair and makeup while he had waited for the okay from Minho who was already on the location with Chan.

''I can't believe you're all grown up now, even getting married before me!''

''Oh, shut up Minho hyung, you'll get your turn.''

The words were like a thorn now, continuously stabbing away at his heart a little more every day and driving themselves even deeper into the wound, so he turned the page before he got too emotional again.

More pictures of the location, Hyunjin photobombing a fair amount of the idyllic shots by making out with Jeongin in plain sight, shoving his hands down the younger boy's pants as if it was no one's business and throwing the camera challenging smirks. Seungmin had included the pictures anyway because he was Seungmin.

Pictures of Minho teaching Chan how to slowdance for the obligatory wedding dance just minutes before the actual wedding.

Click.

Jisung stuffing himself with cake, Minho watching him like he was the cutest thing to ever exist.

Click.

Kihyun and Minho sharing a dance after they had too much alcohol, Jisung pouting from the sidelines as his boyfriend was hijacked.

Click.

Seungmin, Jeongin and Hyunjin holding up their selfmade Just Married sign, way too many hearts squeezed on the white linen for it not to be cringy.

Click.

Jeongin throwing flower petals on the path that led to the altar, his jacket's high collar doing nothing to hide the obvious hickey on his neck.

Click.

One of Chan's close friends, nicknamed BamBam by everyone, carrying the rings to the altar, looking proud and happy for the soon to be newly-weds.

There were about a dozen of other pictures from the ceremony, but Felix skipped those as a weird pressure around his throat made it difficult to breathe and he focused on the private photos instead, the one where it was just their little group of friends and all of their antics.

His favorites were the ones that had casually been taken by Seungmin, without any of them realizing that their moment had just been eternalized, because they portrayed best what they truly were at their core – chaotic, messy children who had never really grown up.

Seungmin always carried a camera around, waiting to catch some of their most ridiculous moments on camera, though that hadn't always brought fun for Felix. Seungmin took pictures of a lot of things. Too much.

The first picture he laid eyes on was their group lounging in his and Chan's house, Hyunjin, Minho and Seungmin sprawled out on the couch, Changbin and Jeongin using the others as pillows, him and Chan sitting on the floor – funnily enough – and Jisung just lying facedown on the ground. It was one of the more silly pictures.

Click.

Changbin and Chan hoisting the cartons of Halloween decorations up from the basement. Nowadays, they kept all of this stuff in the attic after a flood had ruined some of Felix's favorite costumes and decorations, including the fairy lights for Christmas.

The basement was mostly empty this time around, but there was always the rotting and foul smell of mold, if it even was mold.

Click.

Jeongin relaxing in Changbin's lap, by the looks of it almost asleep while the older was playing with his fingers.

Click.

All of them sitting around a table in the garden, enjoying the sunny weather and indulging in a game of truth or dare for fun.

The day had ended with way too many kisses and a disgusted Seungmin who had tried to shove a drunk Jeongin away, calling him way too horny for his own good and cursing him for not being able to keep his legs together.

Click.

Oh. That one.

He stopped thumping through the pages at the sight of his favorite picture, the corners of his mouth twitching upward as he looked at the scene in front of him.

It was a shot of Jeongin spraying whipped cream on a sleeping Jisung's face and Felix heard the boy give a huff from where he was looking over the pictures next to him.

''That was just mean'', he pouted, crossing his arms. ''He ruined my favorite shirt.''

''Jeongin was always a bit on the mean side'', Felix retorted, about to turn the page when his eyes suddenly caught a speck of silver on Jeongin's left ring finger, almost as if he was wearing a ring.

A wedding ring.

''Oh, I remember this!''

Jisung had already turned the page for him, pointing exaggeratedly at something on the other side, but Felix couldn't tear his gaze away from the ring in the picture, feeling a rumble in his stomach as if he was about to throw up.

''Hey, Sung?'', he asked, his uneasy tone making Jisung look over at the picture again. ''When was this taken?''

Jisung frowned, reaching out to peel the picture off carefully and turning it around so he could get a closer look at the backside.

''This says about two years ago'', he stated, seemingly not seeing a problem as he gave the picture back to Felix with a shrug. ''But I can guarantee you he was always like that.''

''No, that's not what I mean'', Felix argued, but as his gaze settled back on the subject of the photo, all further words escaped him and he dropped the picture as if it had burned him.

This wasn't possible.

He rubbed at his eyes in disbelief before picking the photo up again, holding it as close to his face as he could without being deemed a madman, but it didn't change the fact that there was nothing on Jeongin's left hand, his fingers all completely bare as they should be.

A shiver ran down his spine and despite his conscience ridiculing him for seeing things that couldn't be possible, he found himself grabbing Jisung's hand for some sort of reassurance, his best friend looking at him funnily at the action, but not questioning it.

He'd been so sure that there really was a ring, even knowing that logically, there couldn't be a ring because Jeongin had never married, but Chan did always comment on him having quite the colorful imagination, so maybe that was it.

A product of his imagination.

Felix shook his head, dismissing his wild fantasies as he put the picture on the little coffee table and shut the photo album. They should probably glue the picture back to the page where it belonged, but he didn't feel like getting up and neither did Jisung as he curled up beside him, his head on Felix's chest.

''So what movie should we watch next? Horror?''

The last thing Felix wanted to watch right now was a horror movie, but since Jisung always got his way in the end anyway, he merely sighed and gave his okay as he tried to make himself comfortable.

The couch suddenly felt just a little too hard and the blanket a little too hot, his senses bordering right on the edge of uncomfortable as they always did when he was paranoid, but he sucked it up and demanded his mind to get its shit together.

It was after a long time of listening to Jisung's steady breaths that he slowly let himself slip into sleep again, but it felt as if he had only just closed his eyes when he sensed Jisung leaning over him, whispering his name and telling him to wake up.

By the strangely cold breath that fanned his cheek, he could tell that he was impossibly close, probably looking to scare Felix half to death once he happened to open his eyes.

Deciding to simply ignore him, Felix rolled onto his side, earning himself a disgruntled sigh from Jisung as the boy reached out and shook him lightly, once again whispering for him to get up.

He faintly wondered what that was about, after all Jisung never got up particularly early himself, but he dismissed the thought as being unimportant, especially when he still felt so groggy and tired, his energy seemingly draining into the couch he was lying on and disappearing for good.

He tried to focus on the way his chest steadily rose and fell, looking for an escape into his dreamworld, yet the feeling of being watched lingered at the edge of his mind, some natural instinct keeping him from falling asleep.

A little annoyed, but still not willing to ask Jisung to go away directly, Felix swatted at the boy in an attempt to make him realize that he wanted to be left alone, turning on his other side and accidentally hitting the body still curled up next to him in the side with his arm.

''Five more minutes'', Jisung mumbled, equally as tired as Felix felt, and it took a second for Felix's brain to process that something was majorly off about this situation.

Once it did, it was like he got showered with ice cold water, a wave of goosebumps overcoming him, and he shot up at record speed, his vision frustratedly blurry for a few more seconds, even as he shook his head in an attempt to clear his view.

His heart was suddenly going rampant in his chest as he was left staring at a vague silhouette, his fight or flight response screaming at him to do something, but the signals never made it to his brain.

Until his focus came back.

''You have a message, Lix hyung.''

Felix's reaction was instantaneous as his body remembered how to function and he pushed Jeongin back with a force whose only source could have been raw terror, for it was so completely animalistic and frantic that he could swear he actually felt Jeongin's skin, soft and warm as it was.

The younger boy ungracefully stumbled over the coffee table and right into the wall with a sickening thud, the impact causing one of the photos Jisung had hung up there to fall down.

The one with Minho and Jisung at the very same lake they had found Minho dead in, the killer cruelly driving home to a sobbing Chan that Minho couldn't swim.

The glass where the fond moment had been captured behind broke right there on the floor, puzzle pieces of a mystery that lay unsolved only to them.

The sound was haunting to Felix, but even more haunting was Jeongin's pained wheeze and the way he had to hold onto the wall to steady himself, thankfully with any silver absent from his fingers.

As if that was what would have made the difference.

''Go away'', Felix heard himself say, voice shaky and on the verge of tears as he damned his mind for making up hallucinations after so much time of getting better. ''You're not real.''

Jeongin didn't respond – because he couldn't –, just watching him with a calculated and slightly disappointed gaze, the likes of which sent a shiver of dread down Felix's spine as he could not decipher any genuine emotion in that hallucination his mind had made up.

He closed his eyes, stubbornly willing Jeongin away, and to his relief, the younger was indeed gone the next time he looked at the wall, no sign of him ever being there present.

Except the broken picture frame on the floor, but he wouldn't be surprised if this was yet another delusion made up by his vicious mind.

Settling back against the couch and concentrating on the rapid thumps of his agitated heart in his chest, he felt a sudden vibration in his back pocket and without thinking much, he fished for his phone, barely registering the time before unlocking the thing.

A streak of red painted the display, dripping from his hands onto the surface and turning the screen into a morbid crime scene, old and new blood alike under the tip of his fingers. He wished it would stop.

Why didn't it stop?

Smearing the substance around even more, he accessed the messenger app, scanning over the message Hyunjin had sent him as best as he could even though it was hidden behind a veil of lies and death.

''We need to talk. Are you coming to the tree?''

Felix figured they damn well had something to talk about, even if he wondered how Hyunjin would unpack the issue, the accident, but he disliked the fact that they had to meet up at the tree all the time, the place still tied to an underlying trauma for him, one he wanted to stay away from for the sake of his peace of mind.

But of course he knew that would be cowardly.

He shot a quick text back, barely able to type properly with the blood obstructing the screen, a barrier between himself and his acquaintance, his friend, but he didn't make any move to wipe it clean because what was the point?

Blood would always stick to the display, no matter what he did, so he merely let it be, stuffing the phone back in his pockets and peeling the covers off himself, careful not to startle Jisung with his movements.

Contrary to yesterday, his face was scrunched up in displeasure and Felix also noticed that he was desperately trying to reach for something that just wasn't there anymore, pitiful whines and soft sobs spilling from his mouth as all the nightmares came back as a haunting image of the past.

And it made sense, really, because as Felix let his gaze sweep the room, he noticed the absence of Minho's dreamcatcher that had once protected the boy from his own mind, cradling him in a protective embrace and soothing his consciousness.

But now it hung uselessly at the tree, the hanging tree, swaying back and forth by gusts of wind and time itself.

Because Jisung didn't need it anymore.

He gently shook the boy awake, much like he had imagined Jeongin doing, watching how he struggled with recognizing his surroundings in his disoriented state, reaching out for Felix quite adorably as if to make sure he really was there.

''Minho hyung still isn't here?'', Jisung slurred and Felix's heart dropped to his stomach, evoking a sudden onslaught of nausea that had him gag on the purity of that question.

Purity in such a disgustingly impure world.

He didn't want to crush Jisung as devastatingly as he was about to, but his body was ahead of his brain, making the dreaded words tumble from his lips before he could stop himself.

''He won't come back.''

He'd expected a disbelieving stare, at best.

Jisung angrily getting up, screaming at him for spouting lies, arguing over facts that could not be altered anymore, forcing the thorn in Felix's heart even deeper by keeping up his denial, all of these had been realistic options in his head, but Jisung just. Smiled?

His features visibly softened and he actually looked relieved, as if he was glad he could finally drop an act he had kept up so long, and judging by the tiny squeeze the other gave his hand Felix was sure it was exactly that.

''Okay'', Jisung agreed, shifting around on the couch to get into a more comfortable position. ''I'll stop pretending.''

And just like that, he stopped.

An act upheld so long that he might as well have lost himself in the web of lies, truly believing the events his mind had distorted to a point that they were no longer comprehensible to anyone but himself. But he hadn't.

Because he had stopped. Just like that.

Stop.

As if it wasn't a big deal. As if it wasn't difficult to even heave himself out of bed every day, living another day knowing he was lying to everyone around him.

Stop. Break.

That was it.

No more pretending.

Felix hadn't expected this sudden development and it left him to gape wordlessly at Jisung as the boy's expression changed from a sheepish smile to a pitying grimace at the lack of a proper reaction from him.

He probably knew.

Actually, Felix was sure he did.

The haze that fell over his eyes was all too familiar and he choked up, wiping at his eyes despite there not being any tears.

''Will you stop pretending too?'', Jisung asked him.

Felix didn't know what there was to stop pretending.

He knew Chan was dead. He knew Jeongin was too. And Minho. And Seungmin.

There wasn't anything left to pretend.

His thoughts must have shown on his face, Jisung's expression only further spiralling down into some mix between compassion and hurt and his hand growing clammy as if Felix not having anything to stop pretending about was sucking the very life out of him.

He paled, suddenly looking so small in the confines of his own lively home, looking so colorless against the mint colored wall that sheltered the happy shots of him and Minho doing typical couple things – cooking together, taking painting classes, going on a picnic, watching the stars.

Marrying.

That one empty picture frame, sandwiched right inbetween a shot of Minho enjoying the sunset from the pier at his favorite lake and Jisung sleeping soundly beneath the hanging tree as he had so often done before the place had become a pit of despair, would have been home to a lovely wedding picture, probably taken by Kihyun.

But there wasn't a wedding picture and Jisung only had his engagement ring on his left hand, a lovely piece made of gold because Minho would have never settled for silver like Chan had.

Felix personally liked silver a lot more, it didn't hold these heavy implications of royalty and richness and it didn't make him feel as if he was dragging around a burden, but he had to admit gold fitted Jisung better.

''Felix, this isn't funny.''

The irony of those words was bitter and sweet at the same time and Felix savored it until he could taste nothing but salt on his tongue.

''Oh, I'm sure Jeongin would think it's very funny.''

Jisung looked as if he wanted to justify himself, as if he wanted to explain, but there was really no guarantee he wouldn't just start pretending again and since Felix had agreed to meet up with Hyunjin, he didn't feel like talking a whole lot more right now.

He attempted to get up, but was held back by a vice like grip on his hand, Jisung clinging to him as if his life depended on it. Which was funny considering--

Considering...

Considering?

The thought didn't go anywhere.

No matter how much he did or didn't try, it was lost in much the same way as a fisher boat was lost on the wide sea during a storm, drowned by the currents that roared on the normally still waters.

Still waters ran deep though, and he figured there was a lot his mind was purposefully trying to conceal from him, turbulent waves serving as an obstacle as he was lost on his sea of memories, trying to find the one that was tied to so many others.

The one that would drag him below the surface and drown him in a mind-numbing vortex where he had no choice but to submit to his own thoughts.

It was a terrifying prospect.

Jisung's eyes were hopeful as he watched the visible struggle that had to be present on his face and Felix felt cornered, exposed, trapped in something he had confined himself to for a long time.

He wasn't pretending. He wasn't.

''Please stop, it has gone on for long enough'', Jisung begged, though his voice had a dangerous edge to it, dangerous in the unstable and unpredictable kind of way.

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, a fish on land fighting to take a breath in the foreign environment, and while it could have certainly been considered amusing, all thoughts of laughing were wiped from Felix's mind with the single sentence the boy said next.

''Chan wouldn't have wanted this.''

The words made him tear up all over again and he retracted his hand from Jisung's hold, hurt and upset by the fact that his best friend would ever use Chan against him like this, laying bare Felix's very core where he was the most vulnerable.

''I...'' His voice caught in his throat. ''I'm gonna go see Hyunjin.''

Jisung made no attempt to stop him, only dropping his gaze to his lap and nodding like a child that had just been told off.

''Okay.'' He seemed to want to add something – proved by a fleeting glance, a twitch of his hands, a nervous bite of his lips –, yet decided against it and simply shook his head, repeating a shaky ''Okay'' again.

Felix almost felt bad, but pushed that sentiment to the back of his head, finally getting up and escorting himself to the front door, his steps eerily loud on the hardwood floor.

He caught a quick glance at the box on the kitchen table that contained the set of rings Jisung had bought on a whim the day prior and even though he thought it was stupid to be surprised with all the shit his mind kept pulling on him, he still couldn't stop the hitch in his breathing as he noticed the way the package was torn open when he was so sure that it had been closed yesterday.

But then again, he'd also been sure Jeongin had worn a ring in that picture, so his sight clearly left a lot to be desired.

''He had eyes like rain, hair like waves and a soul as vast and deep as the ocean. And I guess I didn't mind drowning in him.''

The voice that faintly filtered through the air was like a sea breeze, chilly and cold, tasting of salt and a richness of nature while calling him to the freedom of the open water.

Minho.

The older boy was standing with his back to him, elbows propped up on the kitchen counter and gazing out of the window, watching the sun rise at the horizon like he had always done in his lifetime.

Jisung had often commented that despite Minho's seemingly rough personality, he was a real softie at heart and quite on the sentimental side once you got to know him, and seeing him so entranced by the sunrise really drove that fact home for Felix.

He knew he was merely hallucinating, but it didn't take away from the awe he felt experiencing the ethereal glow of light bouncing off Minho's black hair or the sorrow that consumed him as he noticed the older boy softly caressing the engagement ring on his left hand, as well as the ring with the embedded emerald Jisung had bought for him.

A sparkling green and grand enough to catch the attention of anyone who laid eyes on him, drawing them into his spell at his whim.

It really suited him.

He wanted to say something to Minho, he really did, but there was this sinking feeling in his stomach that they had nothing left to talk about, no way in which he could have possibly put into words everything that had transpired, everything that the older boy still didn't know, every little step until this inevitable fate.

They had so much to talk about, but at the same time nothing at all.

And of course they didn't. Minho was dead.

With another blink, the boy was gone, having never truly been there in the first place, and Felix was left staring at the rising sun and the long shadows that were trying to reach out to him. For what, he didn't know.

The cold morning wind hit his cheeks as soon as he stepped out of Jisung's house, the place paling against the colorful orange horizon and the fluffy clouds embarking on their journey, and for just a moment, he considered ditching Hyunjin and going home.

Not like there was anything left to return to apart from the red that invaded his vision every time he really stopped and looked at the place him and Chan had basically built from scratch, only so much money to be made in the jobs they had chosen.

Their house was homely, no doubt, yet after Chan's death, Felix had begun seeing blood everywhere, tiny splatters on the rug Chan had gifted him, smeared handprints on the wallpaper, blotches on his clothes, his skin, his soul.

Blood on the stairs that led to the basement. Blood on his favorite pillow. On his collection of stuffed toys. On his jewelry chest. The sink. The blinds. Windows. Bathtub.

There was blood everywhere, no matter how thoroughly he scrubbed and washed, no matter how much he begged his mind to stop toying with him, no matter how many times he ran away from the one place he thought he'd always be safe at.

He couldn't remember the last time he had stayed there instead of sleeping under the tree or crashing at Jisung's place, but he knew he wouldn't be returning there anytime soon.

It was just another impersonal building, robbed of safety and character, housing a decaying, foreign soul that didn't belong there, as well as a promise gone with the wind.

It wasn't home anymore.

Because home was only home if Chan was there with him.

No matter what had transpired within their walls, as long as Chan had been there, he had felt it would be okay. Maybe not right that instance, but some day.

Some day they would have been able to return to their old life.

Yet that day had never come.

Felix had nothing to go back to, so he turned towards the trail that led up the mountain, almost tricking himself into believing he could see Hyunjin's figure at the top, waiting for him beneath the tree.

To clear up the misunderstandings that still revolved around the accident.

Murder, Felix would call it. But he understood why Hyunjin didn't want to call it what it was.

There was a certain finality in his first steps, a heartfelt promise that this was the last time he would be making the effort of going up there, a solitary goodbye to Jisung who had always watched out for him and a tiny spark of hope that he was going to sort things out with Hyunjin who was most affected by the events that had been left unsaid between them for years now.

Hyunjin had never brought anything up, maybe out of fear, maybe out of spite, but Felix wasn't so stupid as to believe he hadn't dumped his emotional baggage on Changbin the first chance he got.

The poor guy had gotten mixed up into their endless and pointless drama, silent accusations thrown around from side to side when he had just wanted to make a living out of making and selling rings and hang out with his friends to produce music. And have sex, for what it's worth.

Maybe some people just weren't meant to get a happy end, no matter how innocent they pretended to be.

Actually, he was sure of that. At least one thing he knew.

The trip up the mountain, on the cursed dirt track, with Seoul City Wall running next to him, was tedious at best, at least on any normal day, but today there was a newfound motivation sprouting in his body from the freshly sowed seeds someone had planted in the garden of his mind.

He liked to think it had been Chan, liked to think he was trying to keep Felix sane any way he could, but he would never know for sure as long as he lived.

Much like any other time he had climbed up here, his foot caught on something in the ground, a messenger of the underworld trying to drag him down to hell. For what, he didn't know.

He stumbled, no time left to break his fall before he met the rocky trail and pain exploded in his chest, a white hot burning that caused tears to spring to his eyes and sobs to escape him as he pushed himself up.

His wedding ring was still on his finger, thankfully, and that was enough to make the ache in his body numb down to a barely noticeable pulsing, nicely synched with his every step as he continued his ascend, never once looking back at the thing that had made him trip.

It wasn't important. Never had been important.

Maybe at one point, either as a scheme executed with well-coordinated treachery, or an unfortunate, entangled fate of two boys driven to drastic measures, but there was really no reason to acknowledge the material that lay curled up on the ground like a snake.

Three-stranded twisted natural fiber rope. Felix would know.

It was scratchy and thick, suffocating, final, cruel, having probably given no relief to Chan on the day of his execution.

A short drop, Felix had been told by some faceless marionette only fulfilling orders from another faceless marionette, and the indifference with which they had shrugged the procedure off had been like a rope of its own, tightening around his neck just as much.

Death took between ten to twenty minutes with such a drop, but the victim typically passed out after six to fifteen seconds anyway.

Even six seconds was a lot of time when you were struggling for your life.

Felix had thought about Chan that day and he hoped Chan had thought about him too in those moments, if only so he could have some peace and comfort.

The tree towered at the top of the mountain as it always did, but Felix's gaze was torn away from it, partly due to the pressure in his head, partly due to the humming he could make out somewhere on his left.

He didn't need to turn his head to know who was sitting there on a fallen tree log, elbows on his knees and propping up his head as he watched Felix with a judgemental gleam in his eyes.

He had no reason to act like this.

There was really nothing Felix had to say to him, so he faced forward, briefly registering the boy moving at the edge of his vision.

''For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first.''

Jeongin's voice was deadly calm, sending icy shivers down Felix's spine as he glanced at the younger boy, his eyes catching the silver of a wedding ring on his left hand. He was not making any sense.

None of this was making sense.

He didn't bother answering to his delusions, instead striding towards the tree with purpose as if ignoring Jeongin would make the lingering doubts go away that maybe, possibly, conceivably, he might have... deserved it.

As he came closer, the dreamcatchers now clearly distinguishable between the branches and leaves, he realized Hyunjin was nowhere to be seen, his only companion up here being the sun and the strong morning wind.

Felix rounded the tree, trying to see if the older boy was hiding somewhere for whatever reason he might had, but when he came up empty, he let out an annoyed huff, grabbing his phone to give the boy a piece of his mind for luring him up here without reason.

He briefly registered a binking light at the top of the screen, a missed call from Changbin displayed behind the facade of red lies, but he didn't have time to ponder it, for the sound of footsteps echoed behind him, followed by a sigh.

''Is there really no reason?''

He jumped at the sudden voice of his best friend, spinning around to see him casually leaning against the hanging tree, a chilling accessory loosely looped around his neck, taunting him with its familiarity.

Rope.

Three-stranded twisted natural fiber rope.

Felix's heart was up in his throat in the matter of two seconds as Jisung's fingers carefully trailed over the rough material as if it was something that deserved that treatment and not a literal instrument of death.

''Jisung?''

His voice was small and far away, like he was elsewhere.

''What are you doing here?''

Jisung's gaze was awfully blank, as if he wasn't really there, and there was a moment of silence that stretched on for far too long to be considered comfortable.

Just when Felix was about to repeat his question, he saw Jisung's eyes moving, flitting over his face, seemingly searching for something, but from the disappointed sigh he gave after a few seconds, it was obvious that he hadn't found anything.

''I'm going to hang myself'', Jisung disclosed delicately, every word chosen carefully and pronounced clearly, as if he really wanted Felix to hear.

And granted, Felix heard, he heard the statement down to his very soul, yet his body simply didn't show a reaction to the terrifying words.

Quite the opposite, he found himself nodding, not necessarily approving of the plan but understanding that Jisung probably needed to do this right now.

''Okay.''

There was another glint of disappointment in the boy's eyes, but it was about as much a reaction as Felix got.

Jisung reached up, fingers tightening around a branch and testing out how it would hold his weight, before he started climbing the tree, aiming to suspend himself from one of the higher branches.

Felix watched from the ground, a strange twitch going through his body at the sight of Jisung so expertly handling the rope and making sure it didn't get in his way while he climbed.

He passed the pink dreamcatcher, halting his last journey to let his fingers trail over the feathers and whisper a few words to the boy they had lost, none of which Felix could pick up from his position.

Not like it mattered.

The purple dreamcatcher was next and Jisung briefly touched it, the same way a child would touch the heated surface of an electric iron before learning truly how hot it was.

He immediately retracted his hand, hurt, resentment and guilt etched on his features, some unspoken history between him and Seungmin that Felix wasn't aware of.

He had an inkling on what it could be, considering Jisung had been the last person to ever... see Seungmin, as morbid as that had been with the way his blood had run down the steps, painting an ugly picture on the stones.

It had been an accident. Everything was just an accident in the end.

Even a push was an accident. Somehow. Somewhere.

Hyunjin didn't know. He'd had his suspicions, sure, but he didn't know.

''If I...''

He had to strain to make out Jisung's words, the boy settling on a branch not that far away from the blue dreamcatcher that had once belonged to Chan, and the pressure on his neck returned as he saw the boy fiddling to make a running knot that tightened easily. Felix would know.

''If I hang myself, will you stop pretending?''

''There is nothing to pretend'', Felix instantly gave back, feeling insulted at the sudden shakiness of his voice and the way his wrists started to burn, chafed raw from the ropes around them.

The... the ropes?

It was a first drop spilled unintentionally, held back by his frantic consciousness, but he knew it was over when the drop mixed with the sea of memories roaring up in his mind, demanding him to finally face himself.

There was no way to patch this up any further. Nowhere he could go except forward.

No reason to pretend any longer.

This was as far as he could go.

He'd told Chan that all the time – or maybe Chan had told him – and the answer he – Chan – had received had always been to hold on a little longer, just long enough to patch the dirt up, just long enough to heal, just long enough to pretend.

But it was facade. And just his luck, someone had noticed.

''Are you gonna do something about this?''

The refrigerator door had felt so heavy in his hand. Like it wasn't real.

He hadn't known. Chan hadn't either.

Felix blinked, his sight blurring Jisung's figure amidst the branches.

Jisung had... Jisung had tried.

Heaven knew he had tried to help him. Just... just in the wrong way.

In the way that trapped him in this web of lies.

''It's okay, Jisungie. It's okay. Breathe.''

Drip.

''Hyung...''

Drip.

''You did well. Lixie is safe. Thank you.''

Drip.

He had tried.

Had any of the others?

Had Changbin? Hyunjin? Seungmin?

He knew he shouldn't blame anyone, but he was... he was anguished, desperate and frantic to shift the blame even if he knew that wasn't possible for him. Not anymore.

Jisung seemed to notice the way his perfect house of cards crumbled as its very foundation was taken from him, leaving him to collapse on himself, the memories he believed to have locked away coming back to bury him under their weight.

Rope burns. Faceless marionettes. Colorless voices. Hopeless choices.

The glint of a perfectly sharpened knife. The dying sunlight reflecting in his eyes. Coldness. A muted scream. Blood. So much blood. Almost no blood at all.

And in the middle of it all, Chan screaming his name, Chan crying and begging, Chan declaring his undying love for him, Chan refusing to leave even as Felix bellowed at him to do so, Chan, Chan, Chan.

Unable to keep his legs under him, Felix fell to his knees, doubling over, heaving for breath that wasn't there anymore.

And screaming.

Jisung was at his side in an instant, managing the several meter long drop unscathingly, predictably so, and tossing the haphazardly tied noose aside as it was no longer needed.

Felix barely registered Jisung rambling soothing phrases, trying to comfort him with reassuring touches or apologizing for going to such lengths just to finally get a reaction.

All he was aware of was the pounding in his head and the nausea building up in his throat, the tears once again falling freely and mind going rampant with images of Chan being very much alive.

As much as that thought should have brought him comfort, joy and all things pleasant he couldn't stop himself from spiralling down into dread at the obvious consequence of that statement.

If Chan was alive, then what about the killer? The victims he claimed? What role did Jisung play in this? Hyunjin? Changbin?

And himself?

Himself?

''Did I...'', he wheezed, terrified of his question before he had even posed it. ''Jisung, did I kill them?''

A heavy question with even heavier implications, but he had to know.

He couldn't deny himself. It wasn't fair to anyone, least of all Chan.

Jisung took a deep breath, steadying himself before moving to kneel in front of Felix, taking both of his hands with a graveness that was unsettling.

He was cold, so unbelievable cold, and Felix felt an icy sensation crawl up his spine as time screeched to a stop around them, having never truly existed for them in the first place.

Jisung's eyes were practically on fire, but his voice was as composed as ever when he spoke next, the words probably haunting Felix for the rest of his days.

''Felix, what do you remember?''

''In order for this story to end, everyone must die.''

The figure was reflected against the dying sun, almost blinding Jeongin as he held up a hand to shield his eyes.

Gold was dripping from the figure, every step tainted as they made their way over to him, the tree, the truth, but their words – if spoken at all – never reached Jeongin's ears.

Still, he knew what they said.

They knew each other far too long for him not to be able to tell.

''You don't want to end it? You want to solve it?''

He saw them nod wordlessly, some unspoken determination pushing them towards a goal that hadn't been in reach for a long time. Not for them.

''But this riddle is filled with so many factual errors.''

Jeongin smiled, pitying, yet almost condescendingly so as he let his gaze sweep over the figure that stood at the foot of the tree, head held high and looking at the pretty accessories hung on some of the branches as if they had known the people they had belonged to.

Around the two of them, whispers emerged from the fog that enclosed their space, voices of those that could not yet rest, but he wasn't sure if they even reached the figure at all.

The riddle, to all of them, dead and alive alike, was lost.

''There's no chance of you solving it.''