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Kim Dokja’s vision had been clouded in black and white for the entirety of the 28 years he had lived.
He didn’t really mind. Because he had already thrown away the rose-tinted glasses that were ‘soulmates are the best match for one another’ ages ago.
Even if he did find them, he would bet on the probability that his soulmate would instantly drop him the moment they learned of the sad and pathetic story that he calls his life. He had prepared himself to live upon the name favored by the one that cursed him to this life.
So instead of revisiting his tale, he reads another. The words on his screen didn’t require a soulmate first for him to see. He reads on, continuing the ritual that was following along the infinite turns of a regressor in his quest to reach the end of the universe’s challenge.
He admired the strength and tenacity of the protagonist. As the sole reader that accompanied the protagonist's journey for thirteen years, he felt reasonably empty when the words 'complete' greeted him.
But then the train he rode shook and everything went to hell.
It was quick thinking and luck that he could notice the shape of the box full of grasshoppers the young boy in the same compartment had carried to help him clear the scenario (scenarios. was this really happening?), evidently shown by the grayscale screen in front of his face.
The compartment door banged, and the scramble to escape the train compartment took him out of his musing on how to solve several vision-oriented scenarios.
Dokja wondered if the protagonist had ever found the reason why his vision was filled with color before Lee Seolhwa.
“You, how the hell are you alive?”
The protagonist of this grand story, regressor Yoo Joonghyuk, asked as he hanged Dokja on the edge of the bridge by the neck.
Dokja turned his gaze and met the anxious and panicked stares directed his way from across the bridge.
"Name."
"Kim Dokja." He turned his gaze to the strong grip the regressor had on his neck.
"A strange name."
How rude. Dokja lifted his eyes to level a steady gaze at Yoo Joonghyuk.
And promptly froze as the world burst into a spectrum of color as their eyes connected.
What?
Dokja blinked rapidly in disbelief, closing and opening his eyes to the hues of what he only knew was a mix of yellow and red of the sky. He turned his gaze to the murky waters below him, and then back at the imposing, black-clad figure of the protagonist.
What the fuck?
This cannot be happening. Did he really resonate and meld himself onto Ways of Survival so much that the universe decided that the reason why he hadn't met his soulmate was because his soulmate was fated to be a character from his favorite fucking webnovel?
He really was crazy.
His momentary distraction of another discovery in his fucked up life didn't let him forget that he was currently choked by said soulmate.
His soulmate was still observing him indifferently, traces of him experiencing the same thing Dokja did virtually nonexistent.
Ah. He realized. Of course. How could he have forgotten about that?
Yoo Joonghyuk already had a soulmate. One of the reasons why he was so resilient in reaching the end was so that he could discover his forgotten past, where he would have met his soulmate.
Kim Dokja wanted to laugh hysterically. Because of course his match, the one that the universe thinks can complete him and suit him the best, was one-sided one from his side.
He threw away the bitter thoughts cluttered in his mind and tried to focus his (color-filled) gaze on Yoo Joonghyuk again. It wasn't the time to wallow in thoughts of self-pity.
He responded to the regressor's interrogation with the aid of his skill carefully.
Then Yoo Joonghyuk activated sage's eye, the golden glow like an executioner's ax, and he panicked. What if he found out about Dokja being his one sided soulmate and reader to his whole life’s story?!
But an unexpected new skill of his, the 4th wall, blocked the SS-grade skill and he had never felt such clear relief within his panic. Because if Dokja had his way, Yoo Joonghyuk will never know forever.
“Make me your companion," He said to Yoo Joonghyuk then. "I can fill in the parts you are missing.”
Yoo Joonghyuk bowed his head and thought over it.
Dokja brushed off the traitorous part within him that whispered, 'as your soulmate.'
When Yoo Joonghyuk accepted his offer and let him go to fall to the waters down below, Kim Dokja missed the brief twist on Yoo Joonghyuk's previously smiling face.
Yoo Joonghyuk shook his head and focused his eyes back down into the river. He was quiet as he walked past the wary gazes of the individuals that left the compartment together with the prophet
“I’ll hit you gently so please don’t die.” Dokja smiled wryly at the charging Yoo Joonghyuk.
The brief shimmer of grey clouding his vision when he punched Joonghyuk out of commission was expected.
The uncomfortable feeling that followed for a while was not. He thought that he wouldn't think about it.
When Yoo Joonghyuk looked at him with a haughty expression as he believed that the disaster of floods would be safe, Kim Dokja contemplated punching him into orbit again, consequences for himself be damned.
Why is his soul-- companion so damn arrogant?
Dokja looked at the despair-clouded (but accepting) eyes that belonged to Shin Yoosung of the 41st regression. When the first flashes of light emerged from her hands, he did not think and threw himself in the line of the ether storm meant for Yoo Joonghyuk.
It should be this way. Everything would turn out fine.
"Kim Dokja!"
His blurred vision met the wide and alarmed eyes of Yoo Joonghyuk as the protagonist pressed his hands on his stomach to (uselessly) stop the bleeding.
'...I don't want to find out what happens if he kills me.' Dokja thought through the haze of pain in his brain.
Yoo Joonghyuk could earn some coins from killing him. That, he knows. The most logical thing to appease Yoo Joonghyuk was to offer a small compensation. But a voice inside of him was screaming at him, screeching things like,
<How can you ask that of your soulmate?>
<Do you want to curse him?>
<You saved HER from that fate, so why don't you do the same for him?>
"It's not too late," Yoo Joonghyuk was saying, more to himself than to Dokja. "Hold on a while longer, I'll-"
"It's too late. Stop."
"It's not, Kim Dokja-"
"Just let me die. You usually want to kill me, no? Why would you want to prevent this?"
Yoo Joonghyuk's expression twisted. Dokja could not recall in any regressions where his face was painted in a myriad of emotions.
"Get.. coins if you...kill me." Dokja's words slurred. The 4th wall took away some of the pain, but it still hurt like a bitch and the world was quickly getting blurrier and blurrier. Yoo Joonghyuk was silent, still observing him with unreadable eyes."..But, I... don't w'nna... be... k'lld by m.. 'mate."
"...Kim Dokja?"
Yoo Joonghyuk clasped the rapidly cooling body of Kim Dokja in disbelief.
...Just like that? The man who claimed to be a prophet and insisted he be his companion, he was dead just like that?
“...I’m going to kill you, Shin Yoosung.”
It was his oversight that caused this.
His chest felt tight, like someone had clawed his heart out, and he heard a chorus of despair and the sound of blood rushing through his ears.
<No,no,no,no>
<he's dead he's dead he's dead>
<yourfaultyourfaultyourfault>
<gonegonegonegone>
the voice wailed.
What was this? Why? He didn't…
He never felt remorse nor regret over anyone that had died when he paved his way in this ruined world. Why was Kim Dokja so different? Was it because Yoo Joonghyuk had accepted him as his companion deep inside his subconscious?
Yes , Yoo Joonghyuk thought, Kim Dokja is…
When Shin Yoosung asked him who Kim Dokja was, Yoo Joonghyuk slowly opened his mouth and said with a resolute tone, "That guy... He's my companion."
As soon as the words of admittance left his lips, Shin Yoosung looked as if he had single-handedly destroyed her world.
(...and in a way, he did, didn't he?)
"Is this because he sacrificed himself for you?!" Shin Yoosung asked hysterically. "Then what about the others? What were they to you?! Jihye unni and Hyunsung oppa? Seolhwa unni?”
...He couldn't answer because he didn't know. Even the reluctant admittance of companionship didn't lift the questions on what he felt for Kim Dokja.
And so he answered him in what he knew was true. "You killed my companion in this round. Thus, you will die.”
Joonghyuk flung himself forward, adrenaline and a red hot rage fueling his every move.
When Dokja left Shin Yoosung's consciousness to return back to his newly restored body, he was greeted by the sight of Yoo Joonghyuk staring at him with disbelief painting his handsome features.
"Kim Dokja, you... How...?"
Dokja smiled wryly. "...Don't let me die next time, okay?" He continued shrugging on his clothes, hand reaching for the Blade of Faith. “...I will really die next time.”
Yoo Joonghyuk's face warped with anger. "You..! I had-- You.. Kim Dokja!"
Dokja couldn't remember when Yoo Joonghyuk's words failed him like this. He swung the blade, freeing Yoo Joonghyuk from the sulfur mummies and supporting the injured protagonist on his shoulder. "I'll explain later."
And with that, they both made their way to Han River where they confronted Shin Yoosung. Dokja didn't comment anything about the way Yoo Joonghyuk had gripped his shoulder with enough force for it to be uncomfortable along the way.
When Shin Yoosong was on the verge of disappearance, the flames of hell slowly burning her pieces to ashes, she looked at Yoo Joonghyuk and smiled.
"Captain. You chose... a very interesting companion." She leaned on the Heaven Shaking Sword weakly. "...I pray he will continue to be by your side."
Dokja kneeled down and carefully took her hand.
The wind conveyed a story and a secret to Shin Yoosung.
And she faded into a whirlwind of ash, carrying with her his whisper of a promise.
Dokja clutched the small shaking bodies of the young Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung close.
Yoo Joonghyuk watched them with a heavy gaze.
「 Incarnation Kim Dokja will be killed by the person he loves most. 」
Those words had haunted the party for a while.
"Who is the person Dokja-ssi loves most?” Jung Heewon asked towards the air where Kim Dokja would be at.
He didn't get a chance to answer before they started up with theories of their own. Deep down, he knows who it was. He was just trying to prolong the inevitable and deny everything. And so, because Kim Dokja is a coward, he sends--
[The constellation without a name is saying that he doesn't have anyone that he loves.]
--and lied as naturally as he breathed.
But Uriel had to ruin everything by bestowing them the Affection Reader. Dokja watched with increasing panic as the item was passed along his party members. And then there was only Yoo Sangah and Yoo Joonghyuk left.
His anxiety peaked when Shin Yoosung held the item out to the regressor. But Yoo Joonghyuk won't ever go along with this, right?
The regressor burned holes to the item and made no move to take it. Shin Yoosung fidgeted under his intense stare.
Dokja was relieved, thanking the naturally aloof and no-nonsense attitude of the protagonist. Yes, of course, Yoo Joonghyuk wouldn't participate in something as silly as this--
...Yoo Joonghyuk reached out for the Affection Reader.
What the fuck is he doing? He's supposed to ignore it!
Yoo Joonghyuk glared at the Affection Reader in his hands for a while, conflict flaring up in his eyes. But after a short exhale and a glance in the general direction where Kim Dokja was, his fingers pressed down on the button.
Dokja resigned himself to his fate and quietly counted the seconds on when the message would show. This was it. This was how he would be found out.
After tense seconds, a beep was heard, and everyone stared at the displayed message in disbelief.
[The affection score of the constellation ‘Kim Dokja’ towards the incarnation ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’ is ■ points.]
Nobody said a word for some time.
Yoo Sangah was the one to break the silence. "...What does this mean?"
"Did it break?" Jung Heewon looked back and forth between the device and Yoo Joonghyuk's unreadable face.
[The constellation, 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' is in shock!]
[The constellation, 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' is saying that the device would never break that easily.]
[The constellation, 'Secretive Plotter' is watching closely.]
[The constellation, 'Queen of The Darkest Night' advises to try and pass the device along again.]
Yoo Joonghyuk roughly dropped the Affection Reader to a surprised Yoo Sangah. The brown-haired woman hesitated for a beat before her finger pressed down on the button.
[The affection score of the constellation ‘Kim Dokja’ towards the incarnation ‘Yoo Sangah’ is ■ points.]
"Oh my god, it really broke!" Lee Jihye exclaimed.
[The constellation, 'Queen of The Darkest Night' is surprised.]
"But why did it break when it was used by Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi?" Lee Hyunsung scratched his head in confusion. “Or... did it break after Shin Yoosung used it?”
Jung Heewon observed the message. “There’s only space for one number… Does that mean they both only scored single digits? Or is it just the message error?”
Lee Jihye perked up. “That means it’s possible that--”
Lee Jihye’s words were cut off by Shin Yoosung's desperate scream as she reached out towards the empty air. "Ahjussi!"
Dokja gazed at his mother with empty eyes. the living room that hosted them brought up unpleasant memories he would rather leave behind.
"You killed me because you thought you were the one I loved most?" He asked hollowly.
"Is it really wrong to assume that?" She laughed.
"...What do you mean?"
"They found out, you know. I was given a reduced sentence because they investigated it more closely. I refused it, of course, but didn't you do what you did to spare me from that certain fate?"
Dokja could not respond.
At his silence, his mother smiled wryly, holding a teaspoon adorned with various patterns. And observing the multitude of colors painting it.
"...How did they know?" he finally asked. He already arrived at his own conclusion, but he quietly listened for her confirmation.
"They found out that I didn't do it when I slipped up and they realized I could still see colors."
“He isn’t afraid of death because he will live again.” Jung Heewon had said as the party looked down at Kim Dokja’s coffin.
Watching them from a distance away, Joonghyuk closed his eyes and thought about the self-sacrificial idiot that was Kim Dokja. Joonghyuk was not a stranger to death. But regressing and rising again from death were very different things.
Kim Dokja treats his life as if it was an insignificant bargain to keep them alive. If it was not for him throwing himself at death, a number of people they would call colleagues and allies would have died already as they paved their way towards the end of the scenarios. He dies for the sake of others with little to no thoughts towards his own life.
Joonghyuk ignores the complicated palpitations his chest does whenever he sees Kim Dokja lying there unmoving, and silences the cacophony of wails he hears through the sound of his blood rushing through his veins.
And so Joonghyuk opened his eyes, and stared into the skies above.
When Kim Dokja rose from death, Joonghyuk had been beside the previously closed lid of the coffin and pulled the surprised Kim Dokja out. Kim Dokja had looked at Joonghyuk in confusion before the sounds of indirect messages poured in and he seemed to have arrived at a conclusion by himself. Joonghyuk let him interpret it the way he would like.
Later that day, he procured a promise out of Kim Dokja. The gaze trained on his back as he turned and left felt like knives digging into his skin.
Dokja had thought that it was unusual of Yoo Joonghyuk to suddenly extract a promise to reach the end of the scenarios from him. He should have contemplated on it further.
This son of a fucking bitch.
Dokja desperately snatched the jade Yoo Joonghyuk had in his hands.
"You're really planning to sacrifice yourself?!"
"Kim Dokja. I am familiar with pain. You should know this."
"What about your goal?! The true reason why you are trying to end the scenarios?!"
To find out about his true soulmate. Who is not Kim Dokja .
At his words, Yoo Joonghyuk's steps faltered before he continued his advance. "...That would not be a concern." Yoo Joonghyuk looked deeply into Dokja's eyes.
"What about--"
"It is nothing. So, continue to live, Kim Dokja." Yoo Joonghyuk reached for the jade. "Now, you will be the one to save this world."
The moment Yoo Joonghyuk's words reached his ears, Kim Dokja was struck with a feeling of realization and resignation.
So. This is what would happen, huh? And after all those things Dokja had denied.
Now, he had to take hold of the role and the universe made itself his stage.
He didn't want it to have to be this way. But for this world's protagonist to come and still star on the stage, it was a necessary scene in the play. Clutching the jade in his hand and letting the feel of ominous power pouring into him, he took a breath.
Dokja looked at the entirety of his party behind the dark demonic energy obscuring his body, and laughed.
In the haze of pain clouding his head, he flashed a sardonic smile at Yoo Joonghyuk who charged at him with Ame no Murakumo no Tsurugi firmly in his grasp.
Dokja did not miss the widening of the regressor's eyes as the sword pierced his heart.
It had almost missed. Kim Dokja twisted his body, making sure the blade cut through its mark. He closed his eyes and closed off his thoughts that were screaming, NoNoNoNo WhyWhyWhyWhy and You've forsaken your own soulmate.
[Your fate has been realized.]
Dokja couldn't understand why Yoo Joonghyuk held on to him so desperately. Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his hand and gripped it tightly to his chest.
"Kim Dokja, you fucking piece of shit," He choked out. "Bastard, why the fuck didn't you tell me?"
“What didn't I tell you?" He asked, trying to focus on Yoo Joonghyuk's desperate face. He could not recall a single thing that he had kept from Yoo Joonghyuk about this scenario.
"You- you absolute bastard, it's absolutely useless for you to try and deny it!" Yoo Joonghyuk yelled. Dokja went silent.
"Kim Dokja, why didn't you tell me that I'm your fucking soulmate?! "
Yoo Joonghyuk had thought it was a mistake when he let go of Kim Dokja back on the bridge and his vision flashed with grey.
But now he kneeled there, gripping Kim Dokja's fading hand like a lifeline, once again bearing a heavy burden because of his oversight.
Kim Dokja.
His companion.
His soulmate.
Joonghyuk had finally found him, but he was cursed by the universe with the inability to do anything to prevent him from fading away.
And the one to inflict the final blow was Joonghyuk himself. It was so painfully clear, in the way that he could feel the colors he was so familiar with fading from his vision along with Kim Dokja's life. The golden glow of the sun bathing them slowly turned to a pasty white, the lost sheen of extravagant hall that held the accursed scenario, and the red color of blood gushing out of the wound on Kim Dokja’s chest darkening to a horrid black.
Colors fade from your sight only if you take your soulmate's life. It was the universe’s retribution for snuffing the literal other half of your soul by your own hands, and with their passing from the world, they would take away the color that they gave you.
Joonghyuk knew that. He had seen with his own eyes a scene where an incarnation went insane from his own guilt because he had to murder his own soulmate to clear a scenario. He took his own life not long after, and Joonghyuk had briefly stared at the hanging body in contempt before continuing on his tracks. Scum. Your soulmate is by your side in this wrecked world, and you couldn’t even try to save them from it? Trash.
Never had he thought that he would be unable to protect his own.
"..I see," Kim Dokja muttered. His vacant eyes turned to the sunlight streaming from the sky above. "Of course, that would happen. I'm the universe's punching bag after all."
"Kim Dokja--"
"...I'm sorry for cursing you with this, Yoo Joonghyuk." Kim Dokja whispered quietly..
Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to yell at him again. What was he fucking sorry for?
"But, I'm sure.. We'll meet again," Kim Dokja smiled. The shine on his eyes slowly disappearing as he fades."And with it, I will return your colors to you."
'Kim Dokja! No! Kim Dokja!!"
Joonghyuk clutched Kim Dokja by his neck, but he was too late, he was always too late , as he could only gaze in despair as pieces of Kim Dokja vanished into an empty void. As the last traces of Kim Dokja vanished away, Joonghyuk’s world morphed to a colorless one.
.
.
.
.
.
Yoo Joonghyuk's vision was clouded in black and white for the first time since he had lived.
It was both a painful reminder and a punishment.