Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kazuichi Soda has added 15 people to the chat

Kazuichi Soda has renamed the chat to Ultimates unite

Kazuichi Soda: Sup dudes!

Chiaki Nanami: Can I add a friend to the chat? He’s from the reserve course

Kazuichi Soda: Sure thing dude!

Chiaki Nanami has added Hajime Hinata to Ultimates unite

Hajime Hinata: Are you sure it’s okay that I’m in this chat?

Hajime Hinata: I mean, I’m not an ultimate or anything

Ibuki MIoda: Don’t worry about it! Any friend of Chiaki’s is a friend of ours!

Kazuichi Soda has changed their name to Soda machine

 Soda Machine has changed Chiaki Nanami’s name to Gay-mer (But actually bi)

Soda Machine has changed Sonia Nevermind’s name to Miss Sonia

Soda Machine has changed Gundham Tanaka’s name to Ebony dark'ness dementia raven way

Soda Machine has changed the Ultimate Imposter’s name to Impasta

Soda Machine has changed Ryota Mitarai’s name to Take care of yourself, dumbass

Soda Machine: And that goes for the rest of you too

Soda machine has changed Hiyoko Saionji’s name to Can’t reach the top shelf lol

Can’t reach the top shelf lol: Take that back you asshole!!

Soda machine has changed Ibuki Mioda’s name to I chime in with a-

Mahiru Koizumi has changed their name to Take a picture it’ll last longer

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu has changed their name to Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg

Akane Owari has changed their name to Don’t tell me what to do bitch

Teruteru Hanamura has changed their name to sedun dnes

Mahiru Koizumi has removed Sedun dnes from Ultimates unite

I chime in with a-: Haha lol get rekt

Nekomaru Nidai has changed their name to ULTIMATE TEAM MANAGER

Mikan Tsumiki has changed their name to I’m sorry!

Hajime Hinata has changed their name to Ultimate Normal Kid

Nagito Komaeda has changed their name to Hope UWU

Ultimate normal kid: Hope?

Gay-mer (But actually bi): Just nod and agree, Hajime, nod and agree

Miss Sonia has changed their name to Princess

Ultimate normal kid: What’s it like being an ultimate?

Don’t tell me what to do bitch: We have the best teacher!

Ultimate normal kid: Miss Yukizome right? I’ve met her a couple of times thanks to Chiaki

Ultimate normal kid: I wish I was in your class, you guys all seem really cool

Don’t fucking call me baby gansta istg: You’re lucky to be in the reserve course, our class is fucking chaos

Don’t fucking call me baby gansta istg: Wait a minute, you might know my sister, Natsumi Kuzuryu?

Ultimate normal kid: Yeah, I do

Ultimate normal kid: She’s in my class, actually

Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg: Make sure she doesn’t get into too much trouble

Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg: She might be a bitch but she’s the only sister I have

>>> Private messages - Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, Kazuichi Soda <<<

Kazuichi Soda: sdshdhfjdfgjkglkgl

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu: What is it this time?

Kazuichi Soda: asdfghjkl he was playing with his hamsters

Kazuichi Soda: He looked,,, so,,, sOfT

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu: Just hurry up and ask him out already!

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu: Also, have you taken off your binder at all today?

Kazuichi Soda: Have you?

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu: Touche

Kazuichi Soda: Also are we still on for our sleepover tomorrow?

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu: Course we are

>>>Ultimates unite<<<

I chime in with a-: Guys! To welcome Hajime as an honorary member of the class, we should have a party!

Gay-mer (But actually bi): What about on Friday night?

Soda machine: Sorry, me and Fuyu are hanging out on Friday, maybe Saturday?

Peko Pekoyama: Another one of your sleepovers?

Soda machine: Sure is!

Soda machine: Also Peko you haven’t changed your nickname

Soda machine has changed Peko Pekoyama’s name to Fuyu’s wife

>>>Private message - Kazuichi Soda, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu<<<

Kazuichi Soda: You’re welcome

>>>Ultimates unite<<<

Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg: Wtf Kaz? We’re not dating???

I chime in with a-: Wait- Your not? You 2 are like an old married couple tho-

ultimate normal kid: Then there’s just me who knows next to nothing about all of your class’s drama

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Lol

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Also Saturday works for me, any objections to Saturday?

I chime in with a-: I’m all good with it

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Then it’s settled, Saturday

Gay-mer (but actually bi): How about 5pm? Does that work for everyone?

Soda machine: Yeah

ultimate normal kid: Sure

Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg: We could have it at my place, I have a fairly large house

I chime in with a-: ALSOO I HAVE SOMETHIGG I NEED TO TELL EVERYONE!!

Soda machine:What is it Ibuki?

I chime in with a-: I’m genderfluid! Can you use they/them pronouns today please and thank you!

Soda machine: Of course! Are you still going by the name of Ibuki

I chime in with a-: Hell yeah I am

Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg: Anyone gives you any shit you tell us, and I’ll end them, k?

I chime in with a-: Thanks dudes!

I chime in with a-: Also I’m ace!

Soda machine: Wait, we should ask everyone for their pronouns and stuff just in case

Soda machine: He/him, I’m a trans dude

Ultimate normal kid: Same

ULTIMATE TEAM MANAGER: he/him

Gay-mer (but actually bi): she/her or they/them

Take care of yourself, dumbass: They/them

Impasta: Idgaf what pronouns you use for me, just whatever

Hope UWU: he/him

Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg: He/him, same as Hajime and Soda

Ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: He/him

Ebony dark’ness dementia raven way has changed their name to Tanaka the forbidden one

Princess: I use she/her pronouns

Don’t tell me what to do bitch: What’s a pronoun?

Don’t tell me what to do bitch: But she/her for me as well

Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg: You’re kidding, right?

I’m sorry!: A pronoun is used in place of a noun

I’m sorry!: She and her are examples of pronouns

Don’t tell me what to do bitch: Ohhhh, okay, cool

I’m sorry!: I’m a trans girl, she/her for me too

Too short to reach the top shelf lol: She/her for me as well

Take a picture it’ll last longer: I don’t really mind too much, but preferably she/her or they/them

Fuyu’s wife: She/her pronouns for me as well, thank you

>>>New chat<<<

Ibuki Mioda has created a new chat

Ibuki Mioda has named the chat Only the cis deal in absoloutes

Ibuki Mioda has added 6 people to the chat

Ibuki Mioda has changed their name to Gender Tea

Gender Tea: Get it? Gender-fluid? Tea is a fluid

Mikan Tsumiki has changed their name to Titty skittles

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu has changed their name to Your future king

Kazuichi Soda has changed their name to Baby shark

Ryota Mitarai has changed their name to No gender, only anime

Ultimate imposter has changed their name to Gender is a scam

Hajime Hinata has changed their name to Haji-gay

Baby shark: Lmao these names are gold

Gender Tea: transphobes would collapse at the sheer power these names hold lmaoooo

Titty skittles: Also your daily reminder that binding for too long is detrimental to your health! Just saying as most people here are afab

Gender is a scam: Thank you, Mitarai hasn’t been listening to me but maybe he’ll listen to the ultimate nurse

Haji-gay: Guys we need to get sleep for school tomorrow

Baby shark: Shit you right, night guys

Gender Tea: Night gays

Chapter Text

I chime in with a-: Hey guys, he/him pronouns today thanks!

Princess: We should make you bracelets so that it’s easier for you

Soda machine: I could make you something if you’d like

I chime in with a-: AWWW THANKS DUDE!!!

Ultimate normal kid: Is there anyone here who is cishet?

Princess: I think Akane is the only one

Don’t tell me what to do bitch has changed their name to The token straight

Soda machine: Lmao

Gay-mer (But actually bi): So, for the party, who wants to bring snacks

Ultimate normal kid: I can bring some brownies if you’d like

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Your brownies are the best Hajime! So definitely!

Princess: Wow, if Chiaki gets this excited about them they must be good!

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Can I come over to help, Hajime?

Ultimate normal kid: Are you really gonna help or are you just going to play video games the whole time?

Ultimate normal kid: But yeah, of course!

Gay-mer (but actually bi): ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ

Hajime was nervous. He had been crushing on Chiaki for a while, and he was slowly getting closer to her and her classmates. Now he had Chiaki coming over to his house, and it would be just the two of them. God, the idea was terrifying. He was terrified of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, and accidently scaring her off. 

The sound of a doorbell ringing broke him out of his thoughts.

“Hi Hajime!” 

>>> Down with the cis<<<

Haji-gay: I need help guys gals and nonbinary pals

Your future king: Is this related to Chiaki coming over to your house in some way?

Haji-gay: She’s wearing a pastel sweater and a mini-skirt

Haji-gay: ashdhksfkfs she looks so cute

Your future king: Oh my god, you remind me of Kaz whenever he’s simping over Gundham

Baby shark: Rude, do you want me to remind you of 10 minutes ago when you were freaking out cause Peko hugged you before you left for my house

Your future king: shUT UP

Gender tea: LMAO you guys are all simps

Haji-gay: sldfsjjffkdf 

Haji-gay: I got flour on my face and,,,

Haji-gay: She wiped it off my face

Haji-gay: Like, she was so close to my face

Haji-gay: I could’ve kissed her if I moved forward a tiny bit

Titty skittles: I say you should go for it!

Gender tea: Yeah dude! Don’t be a coward!

Haji-gay: I’m sorry but anxiety is my defining character trait

Haji-gay: I can’t just ask her out!

Haji-gay: What if she says no?

“Who are you messaging Hajime?” Chiaki looked over to Hajime from her switch. The brownies were being cooked in the oven, so they had some free time to chill.

“Just some of the kids from your class,” Hajime smiled at Chiaki. He could feel the blush heating up his cheeks. 

“It’s cool that you’re making friends with the rest of them,” Hajime silently thanked whatever god was up there that Chiaki didn’t ask any further questions.

“It really is, isn’t it,” Before either one could say anything else, the timer that Hajime set on his phone went off.

“Well, time to check on the brownies,” Hajime grabbed the tray from the oven, and slowly tipped the brownies out of the tray.

“They look amazing Hajime!” 

“Wanna taste test one?” Hajime held out a brownie, and Chiaki eagerly snatched it out of his hand. 

“Mmm, this is even better than the last ones you made Hajime!”

“Thanks Chiaki!” Hajime was sure he was blushing now. Getting praise wasn’t really something he was used to, especially praise from the girl he liked.

“Hajime! Are you okay? You’re all red in the face!” Chiaki put a hand on top of Hajime’s head.

“I’m fine, Chiaki,”

“Well, you don’t have a temperature, so that’s good. But I’ll leave so that you can get some rest. We don’t want you sick for the party, especially since you’re our guest of honour!” Chiaki giggled.

“I’m fine, really. But if you insist, I’ll get some rest,” Hajime smiled, walking Chiaki to the door.

“See you tomorrow!”

“See you,” The two waved goodbye, parting ways for the night.

>>>Ultimate’s unite<<<

I chime in with a-: Who’s excited for our par-tay tomorrow!!!!!!

Can’t reach the top shelf lol: Hell yeah!!

Gay-mer (But actually bi): I can’t wait!

Soda machine: It’ll be awesome to finally meet you in person Hajime!

Ultimate normal kid: I can’t wait to meet all of you guys! (Except Chiaki ofc)

>>>Down with the cis<<<

Gender tea: I’m curious, does everyone here asides from myself have a crush on someone

Titty skittles: I’m not really interested in anyone right now

No gender, only anime: Similar to my nickname here, no love, only anime

Gender is a scam: I’m not currently romantically interested in someone

Your future king: I might potentially like Peko

Your future king: BUT YOU TELL ANYONE AND I’LL KILL YOU

Your future king: She barely understands that I want her to be my friend, not my tool

Baby shark: I like Gundham, but it’s obvious he’s in love with Miss Sonia

Haji-gay: And obviously I like Chiaki, not that she’d ever like me back

Gender tea: Lol you boys are hopeless

Gender tea: ANY-HOO

Gender tea: I’m hella excited for tomorrow!!!!!!!!

Gender tea: (✿◠‿◠) 

Haji-gay: I can’t help but be a little bit scared by that emoji

Baby shark: I’m pretty sure it’s called an emoticon, but same

Chapter Text

>>>Ultimate’s unite<<<

I chime in with a-: PAR-TAYYYY TIMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Ibuki greeted Hajime at the door, smiling. The green bracelet on their wrist indicated that today was a non-binary day. The smirk on their face was proof that Hajime and Kazuichi’s fears were probably right. Ibuki was up to something. Just what that something happened to be what was bothering Hajime. It probably had something to do with Ibuki asking everyone about their crushes the previous night, if Hajime were to guess. 

“We should play some party games!” Ibuki yelled. It seemed everyone else had already arrived. Hajime placed the container of brownies onto the table, and followed Ibuki to where everyone else was standing.

“What game should we play?” Chiaki tilted her head.

“Truth or dare of course! Everyone, sit down in a circle!” 

Shit. Obviously I was right to be suspicious.

Hajime sat down, with Kazuichi on his right and Chiaki on his left. 

“So, which mortal will go first?”

“Ooh! Ooh! I’ll go!” Ibuki waved their hand in the air, and Kazuichi and Hajime shared a look.

“They're up to something,” Kazuichi whispered. Hajime nodded.

“So! Sonia! Truth or dare?” Hajime breathed out a sigh of relief. He was safe, at least for now.

“I’ll go with a dare,”

“I dare you and Hajime to switch clothes!” 

“Wait- Where would we get changed?” Hajime’s eyes widened in surprise.

“There are two bedrooms down the hall! You can get undressed, hand your clothes over to someone outside the door, and then they’ll pass it to the other one!” Ibuki giggled. 

“Might as well get it over with!” Sonia said, unfazed.

The two quickly changed, Sonia into the hoodie and jeans Hajime was previously wearing, and Hajime into Sonia’s dress. Hajime re-entered the room nervously.

“You look great dude!” Akane cheered.

“Hell yeah! Dudes in skirts are 10 times more handsome than any regular dude!”  Chiaki said, smiling. Sure, she likely said that to make Hajime feel better about wearing a skirt, but the idea of her finding him handsome made him blush. 

“Okay, Gundham, truth or dare?” Sonia asked, turning towards him. 

“I suppose I will choose truth, but be careful, you mortals may not appreciate the answers I provide,”

“I dare you to let Kazuichi sit in your lap until the next time you go up,” Sonia said in an obviously fake innocent tone. Hajime did his best to hold in a laugh, but failed.

“What the hell man! Stop laughing at my suffering!” Kazuichi whisper-yelled at Hajime.

The rest of the game passed by relatively normal (aside from the initial flustered embarrassment between Kazuichi and Gundham). 

“Okay! Time for the next game!” Sonia announced cheerily.

“What game will we be playing?” Chiaki enquired, looking up from her switch.

“Spin the bottle!” Ibuki cheered. Hajime laughed. Even though the party was at Fuyuhiko’s house, Ibuki seemed to be the one who was hosting the party, practically by themself.

The game started with Sonia spinning it and having it land on Gundham. Sonia quickly pecked Gundham’s cheek, which left Kazuichi sulking silently. They went around the circle for a bit, until it landed on Hajime. He spun it, and after it spun around a few times, it landed on Chiaki.

He wasn’t sure how, but the giggles coming from around the circle made it seem like the others had somehow planned this.

He could feel the sweat on his palms as he turned over to Chiaki. She smiled at him, and he could feel his face getting warmer. Chiaki put a hand up to his face and leaned in. The kiss was short, but seemed to last an eternity. 

The rest of the party passed by in a blur. Sure, stuff might have happened, but Hajime was too distracted by the kiss to think straight.

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

I chime in with a-: The party was soooooooooo FUNNNN!!!

Princess: It sure was!

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Hopefully we can have another one some other time?

I chime in with a-: HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Did you enjoy the party Hajime?

Ultimate normal kid: Yeah, I did

Soda machine: I think he more than enjoyed it, Chiaki

>>> Down with the cis <<<

Baby shark: Lmao

Baby shark: Hajime definitely enjoyed it

Baby shark: Especially being kissed by Chiaki

Gender Tea: LMAO

Haji-gay: Damn, no need to call me out like that

Your future king: What about Kaz, I’m pretty sure he ascended to heaven after being able to sit on Gundham’s lap for a full 20 minutes

Haji-gay: Oh yeah I almost forgot about that

No gender, only anime: That’s because you practically short circuited after being kissed by Chiaki

Gender tea: Damn Ryota out here spitting facts!

Haji-gay: Stop bullying me or I’ll set Nagito on you assholes

Kazuichi sat on his bed, a blush on his face. Scrolling through his phone absentmindedly, he recalled the events of the party. 

“I dare you to let Kazuichi sit on your lap until the next time you go up,” Sonia announced. Kazuichi may have seemed composed, but, inside his head he was screaming. 

“It’s alright, tamer of automatons, if you aren’t comfortable with it you aren’t obligated to,” Okay, maybe he wasn’t as composed as he thought.

“It’s alright! I’m not uncomfortable with it! But, I thought you didn’t like to be touched, are you sure you’re okay with it?” Kazuichi asked, but Gundham shook his head.

“It’s fine, I wouldn’t particularly hate contact with you,” Kazuichi wondered what he meant by that. When he voiced that, Gundham merely hid his face in his scarf, but Kazuichi, the oblivious person he was, didn’t understand why. 

He slowly walked over to Gundham, and sat down in his lap nervously. The four dark devas of destruction crawled over him, two sitting in his lap, the others on his shoulders.

“They appear to like you,” Gundham smiled softly, unseen to Kazuichi. 

“Seems like it. It’s weird, usually they always try to bit me if I get too close,”

“Maybe they’re finally opening up to you,” Gundham suggested, not noticing the blush on Kazuichi’s face darken.

Kazuichi smiled at the memory. The events of the night gave him hope that maybe, just maybe, Gundham could like him back.

>>> Private messages - Ibuki Mioda, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu <<<

Ibuki Mioda: I bet you a thousand yen that both Hajime and Kazuichi are being pining messes right now

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu: I know for a fact that Kaz sure as fuck is, and probably Hajime too

Ibuki Mioda: Lmao

Ibuki Mioda: They’re never gonna live it down LMAOOOO

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

Can’t reach the top shelf lol has changed their name to I might be short but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless fuck you

Ultimate normal kid: Is this a specific call-out or not cause I can’t tell

I might be short but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless fuck you: Maybe, maybe not, you’ll never know

Take a picture it’ll last longer: This is definitely a call out

Soda machine: I SAID I WAS SORRY!

Soda machine: THAT WAS FIVE MONTHS AGO!

I might be short but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless fuck you: I never said it was a call out towards you

Soda machine: Wait, it wasn’t aimed towards me for once?

Soda machine: And I know it wasn’t aimed towards Mikan because she doesn’t insult people

Soda machine: Was it Teruteru?

Tanaka the forbidden one: That seems likely

I might be short but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless fuck you: That bitch should know better than to insult my height!

Take care of yourself, dumbass: He should know better than to perve on all his classmates but he still does that

I chime in with a-: DAMMMNNN!! BUUURRRRNNNNN!!!!

Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg: Well, I mean, Teruteru’s not here so he’s not really getting burnt

Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg: It’s more he’s getting really badly insulted behind his back

I chime in with a-: He deserves it lmao

Ultimate normal kid: I’m going to pretend I know who ur talking about

Gay-mer (but actually bi): He’s just a perv from out class, dw

Ultimate normal kid: Do you need me to beat him up for you

Gay-mer (but actually bi): It’s all good, don’t worry

Gay-mer (but actually bi): But it’s nice to know you’d do that for me (✿◠‿◠)

Ultimate normal kid: (*^▽^*)

I chime in with a-: You two are adorable!!

I might be short but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless fuck you: You two are the cutest couple

Ultimate normal kid: Me and Chiaki aren’t a couple?

Soda machine: Not to say the two of them don’t want to be lol

Soda machine has deleted a message

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Did anyone see the message Kazuichi deleted?

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Cause I wanna know what it said

I chime in with a-: No, sorry

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Damn, now I’m curious (￣ヘ￣)

Ultimate normal kid: Sorry Chiaki, I didn’t see it either

Gay-mer (but actually bi): It’s alright, Hajime

>>> Bets on the class ships <<<

Buki-Buki: I wonder how long it’ll take them to notice how the other loves them back

Hiyo-Hiyo: Probably two years at this rate

Fuyu-Fuyu: A month to three months

Fuyu-Fuyu: By the way I still hate these nicknames

Fuyu-Fuyu: The only person who it works for is Peko

Fuyu-Fuyu: For everyone else it’s just weird

Buki-Buki: BUt i dont wanna change them!!!!

Fuyu-Fuyu: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeeeeeeeeeee

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

I chime in with a- has changed Don’t fucking call me baby gangsta istg’s name to Fuyu-Fuyu

I chime in with a- has taken Fuyu-Fuyu’s admin privileges

Fuyu-Fuyu: Fuck you Ibuki

Ultimate normal kid: Is there a backstory for this

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Who knows

Chapter Text

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

I chime in with a-: Shout-out to that one time Akane was like ‘What’s a pronoun’

The token straight: Don’t remind me lmao

I chime in with a-: Don’t worry we won’t judge you

Fuyu-Fuyu: We might judge you a bit

Ultimate normal kid: Don’t be mean, just because she’s a clueless cishet

The token straight: Damn, you guys aren’t pulling any punches

The token straight: Lmao

Fuyu-Fuyu: I hate this

Fuyu-Fuyu: Me and Peko were at the shops

Fuyu-Fuyu: And I was trying to reach some food from the top shelf

Fuyu-Fuyu: And one random lady walked over and was like

Fuyu-Fuyu: “Hey, do you need some help with that kiddo?”

Fuyu-Fuyu: I almost kicked her in the shins

Fuyu-Fuyu: But Peko was there so she stopped me

Ultimate normal kid: F

Gay-mer (but actually bi): F

Soda machine: F

Hope UWU: f

I chime in with a-: F

The token straight: f

ULTIMATE TEAM MANAGER: F

Tanaka the forbidden one: F

Princess: f

Impasta: F

Take care of yourself, dumbass: F

I might be short but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless fuck you: F

Take a picture it’ll last longer: F

Fuyu’s wife: f

Fuyu-Fuyu: f

I’m sorry!: f

Ultimate normal kid: I think this is the one time we’ve all been here at once lmao

Gay-mer (but actually bi): probably

Tanaka the forbidden one: Such a rare occurrence should be celebrated

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Lol

Hope UWU: The hope of all the ultimates is such a spectacle to behold

Ultimate normal kid: Your future self is talking shit about you Nagito

Hope UWU: The jokes on him I’ll ruin his life

Ultimate normal kid: Wtf Nagito???

Hope UWU: I ask myself that everyday

Fuyu-Fuyu: Also I was talking with some of our underclassmen

Fuyu-Fuyu: And the funniest thing happened

Fuyu-Fuyu: So Mondo, the ultimate biker gang leader

Fuyu-Fuyu: Was trying to flirt with Taka, the ultimate moral compass

Fuyu-Fuyu: And it was hilarious

Fuyu-Fuyu: Mondo was like ‘I like your name’

Fuyu-Fuyu: And Taka, trying his best to flirt back, said, and I kid you not, ‘Thanks, I got it for my birthday’

Fuyu-Fuyu: They are even more useless than some certain people in our class

I chime in with a-: It’s kinda hypocriticall of you to try and call them out lmao

I chime in with a-: Oooh I said hypocritical, Ibuki never uses such smart words!!

>>> Down with the cis <<<

Gender tea: We should have a sleepover!!!

Your future king: Do you want to have it at my house?

Gender tea: Sure!!

Gender tea: Y’all can rant about your crushes to us lmao

Titty Skittles: Yeah!

Titty Skittles: I mean, we already know who they are, so why not?

Your future king: I’ll be exclusively making fun of Kaz but sure

Baby shark: Why do you hate me?

Your future king: I don’t hate you

Your future king: You’re just an easy target

Baby shark: MEAN!!!

Your future king: Deal with it

Gender tea: Lmao get rekt

Baby shark: Shut. it.

Gender tea: LMAOOOOOOO

>>> For some reason we care for a dumb shark (Plus Sonia for moral support) <<<

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: Honestly, fuck you Sonia

The best friend: Would anyone believe me if I told them you talk normally over text

Moral support: What did I do?

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: I can’t stop thinking about him,,, sitting,,,, in my lap,,,

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: He was playing with my four dark devas,,, he was so soft,,,,

The best friend: Still can’t believe you actually talk normally

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: They’ll never believe you

The best friend: Honestly fuck you

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: I wonder if they’ll believe you if you told them that I’ve called you baby gangster before?

The best friend: DON’T FUCKING CALL ME BABY GANGSTER YOU BASTARD

The best friend: This is so much fun to watch

The best friend: Well I’m glad you’re getting entertainment from my suffering

>>> Ultimate’s unite <<<

Princess has changed Fuyu-Fuyu’s name to Suffering ™

Soda machine: Context?

Princess: No.

>>> For some reason we care for a dumb shark (Plus Sonia for moral support) <<<

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: Damn, a bit harsh

Moral support: Do you want him to find out about this chat?

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: No? Of course not? I’d never live it down

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: Besides he’d never feel the same way, he hates me

Moral support: That’s not true!

Moral support: I’m sure he likes you back!!

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: It’s obvious he’s straight!

Best friend: That is definitely not true

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: He was simping for Sonia our entire first year

Best friend: Listen, I’m not going to say too much cuz it’s not my place to say

Best friend: But in simple terms

Best friend: Internalised homophobia is a bitch

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: He likes boys???

Best friends: He likes boys.

Best friend: He’s literally mentioned being gay in front of you???

Best friend: How have you not noticed????

Best friend: He literally said it yesterday??????

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: Oh, so that was what Cham-P was trying to tell me last night

Best friend: Dumbass

Moral support: I’m just watching this go down

Unfortunate simp for Kaz: Are you really moral support? Or are you just here to bully me?

Moral support: That’s unimportant

>>> Down with the cis <<< 

Gender tea: Hey Hajimeme can you bring those brownies you made next time

Your future king: If you’re too busy we can make them at my house

Your future king: We could all make them together

Titty skittles: That sounds like lots of fun!

Haji-gay: Sure, that works

Baby shark: HELL YEAHH!!!

Your future king: Also

Your future king has changed Baby Shark’s name to Simping for our fave over-dramatic goth

Simping for our fave over-dramatic goth: Honestly fuck you

Your future king: I’m your best friend and you know it

Simping for our fave over-dramatic goth: Doesn’t change the fact that YOU’RE A BITCH

Haji-gay: This is the most chaotic friend group I’ve ever been a part of 

Chapter Text

“Sup dudes!!!” Ibuki burst into the room energetically.

“Hey Ibuki!” Kazuichi waved, mentally taking note of the pink bracelet.

Ryota was sitting on the floor talking to Mikan, who had been given the job of making sure Ryota took care of themself as the Ultimate Imposter was busy, and hence unable to hang out with everyone. Fuyuhiko and Hajime were standing in the kitchen preparing the ingredients for the brownies.

“So Hajime! Are we ready to make the brownies?” Ibuki asked.

“Sure. Everyone! It’s time to make the brownies!” Hajime called out to the others, and they quickly hurried over to the kitchen.

“How about we have a baking competition? Hajime can be the judge!” Kazuichi suggested, and the others nodded and quickly split into groups.

In the one group was Mikan, Ibuki and Ryota, and in the other was Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko, with Hajime helping them from the side but not actually baking.Hajime watched as the two groups set to running around the kitchen, scrambling to cook the brownies as soon as possible. Soon enough, the brownies were in the oven, and Hajime took a second to look around the kitchen.

“You guys really made a mess,” Fuyuhiko sighed.

“You say that as if you weren’t also cooking,” Kazuichi said, starting to clean one of the bowls in the sink. Everyone quickly cleaned up, then set up some bean bags to lay down on.

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

Hope UWU: I just got into a car crash lol

I’m sorry: Are you okay?

Hope UWU: yeah I’m okay

Hope UWU: You ultimates don’t need to worry about trash like me

Ultimate normal kid: The fuck?

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Don’t worry this is pretty normal

Ultimate normal kid: tHe FuCk????

“What does she mean by ‘This is pretty normal’, how is that normal?” Hajime asked Fuyuhiko, confused.

“Nagito has both good and bad luck, something bad will happen but usually something good comes from it. Honestly it’s some fucking supernatural shit, none of us know how it works,” Fuyuhiko shrugged.

“And you guys are just used to it?” Hajime questioned.

“Trust me, we had no choice but to get used to it after a while. It just kinda became a fact of life,” Kazuichi shrugged.

“Soooooooo! When are you guys gonna tell us about your crushes!” Ibuki pried, getting bored of all the waiting around.

“What do you want to know? You already know who they are,” Hajime asked, and Ibuki giggled.

“Yeah, but we wanna know what’s going on! Have they done anything cute lately! Are you gonna ask them out?”

“Why don’t we ask them questions and then they can answer them?” Mikan asked.

“Oooh! Yeah! Ibuki loves that idea Mikan!”

“So how long have you been crushing on them for?”

“I’ve been in love with Peko for almost as long as I remember,” Fuyuhiko shrugged.

“Waaah! That’s so adorable!” Ibuki cheered.

“Ibuki, you were there when I first started crushing on Gundham,”

“What happened,”

“We had a class pool party and he showed up and I was like, shit, he’s hot,” Kazuichi said, looking away from everyone.

“Why don’t you ask him out?”

“It’s not like he’ll ever like me back,”

>>> Bets on class ships <<<

Buki-buki: Cmon, we need to get at least one of the couples together soon

Buki-buki: They’re so oblivious it hurts!!!!!!

Fuyu-Fuyu: Trust me I’ve been trying to get Kaz to grow up and just ask out Gundham already but he’s a coward

The rest of the sleepover passed by quickly, mostly with Ibuki prying into the others' love lifes, and eventually, they all fell asleep.

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

Fuyu-Fuyu: I am honestly sick of all the pining that's ahppening

I chime in with a-: ahppening

Ultimate normal kid: ahppening

Gay-mer (but actually bi): ahppeninbg

Hope UWU: ahppeninbg

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Shut it

The token straight: is that aimed at who I think

Princess: prolly

>>> For some reason we care for a dumb shark (Plus Sonia for moral support) <<<

Moral support: Is that aimed at Kaz and Gundham?

The best friend: Yep.

The best friend has changed Unfortunate simp for kaz’s name to Lucky bastard

Lucky bastard: Isn’t that Nagito tho?

The best friend: True,

The best friend has changed Lucky bastard’s name to Coward #2

Coward #2: Bitch

The best friend: No you

The best friend: Seriously though, ask him out

Coward #2: Why don’t you ask Peko out?

The best friend: Trust me, she doesn’t see me that way

The best friend: I’ve already tried.

It was cold outside, but 12 year old Fuyuhiko didn’t care. This was the only time he had to play with Peko, and he wasn’t going to let a little bit of rain get in the way.

“Peko! C’mon!” Fuyuhiko yelled at her to follow him. The two made their way over towards the forest.

“Young master! Wait up!”

“I told you! Stop calling me young master, I don’t like it. I’ve already told you, no matter what anyone says, you’re my friend, not my tool!” Fuyuhiko frowned. Peko sighed.

“Young master, we’ve already been over this. It isn’t about what we want, it’s about what your parents want,”

“Fine, anyway, did you hear that Shoto asked Izumi out today?” Fuyuhiko tossed a rock into the stream.

“What do you mean by that?” Peko asked, and Fuyuhiko grinned.

“They’re boyfriend and girlfriend now, like my mum and dad! Maybe one day we can be like them!” Fuyuhiko smiled, but Peko shook her head.

“Young master, I am your tool, nothing else, that’s just what my life is,” It was that sad smile she always seemed to have whenever he called her his friend. Like it was a dream, and nothing but that.

>>> Private messages - Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, Kazuichi Soda <<<

Kazuichi Soda: Please, stop insisting he likes me back

Kazuichi Soda: I don’t want to get my hopes up

Kazuichi Soda: He’d never like me back

Kazuichi Soda: Why would he?

Chapter Text

>>> Bets on class ships <<<

Fuyu-Fuyu: Alright I’ve had enough of this

Fuyu-Fuyu: I’m gonna fucking do something about it

>>> Private messages - Kazuichi Souda, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu <<<

Fuyuhiko: Hey Kaz I left my binder in the locker room, can you get it for me?

Kazuichi: Sure dude

Fuyuhiko: Thanks

>>> Private messages - Gundham Tanaka, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu <<<

Fuyuhiko: Hey dude, I think I saw one of your hamsters in the locker room

Gundham: Thank you mortal, I’ll be right there

Kazuichi was fairly certain that Fuyuhiko was up to something, but if by chance he actually had left his binder in the locker room, it’d make Kazuichi a bad friend not to help him.

He made his way to the locker room, and, just as he thought, the binder was nowhere to be found. He turned around, and was met with a familiar face.

“Gundham! What are you doing here?” Kazuichi asked.

“One of the other mortals said he saw one of my four dark devas here, so I figured I might as well take a look, even if my dark devas are creatures that are surely fine on their own,” Kazuichi internally cursed. Of course that was what Fuyuhiko planned. 

“Well, I better get going, Fuyuhiko said he left something here but obviously he didn’t so see ya!” Kazuichi awkwardly half ran over to the door, only to find it locked.

“It appears we are trapped here, but never fear, with my supernatural aura help will surely arrive in no time!”

“Hah, yeah, okay,” Kazuichi shook his head.

“What is ailing you?” Gundham frowned. 

“It’s nothing, don’t worry. I’m just a bit pissed at Fuyuhiko is all. And at myself for falling for such an obvious lie,”

“A deception? Why would he deceive you?” 

“Shit, I probably shouldn’t have said that,” Kazuichi laughed awkwardly. Gundham tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“Why?”

“Fuck, you know what? I’m just gonna come right out and say it. I, really like you dude. Like, as in more than just a friend. I wanna go on dates with you and hold your hand and kiss you and see all those soft faces you make when you think no one is looking. And I know you’ll never like me back, why would you? So just please don’t hate me for this?” Kazuichi fiddled with his hair nervously. He didn’t dare look at Gundham’s face for fear of the look of disgust he was sure would be there.

“Why would you think I would despise you for something like that?”

“Huh?” Kazuichi felt the soft hand on his cheek before he saw it. Gundham was looking at him with a fond look in his eyes. 

“And what would possess you to think I’d never hold you dear in my heart? I need to know, so I can rectify this misunderstanding,”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I thought I had made it fairly clear to see. I am infatuated with you, my dark prince, so if you’ll have me, I’d be happy to be yours,” Gundham tucked his face into his scarf.

“Wait, you’re being serious, right?” Kazuichi asked, doubt evident in his face.

“What reason would I have not to be?” 

“Could I maybe, kiss you?” Kazuichi giggled nervously.

“Of course, my paramore,” Gundham smiled. Kazuichi leaned in slowly. He could hear his heart racing, and looking at Gundham’s face he silently prayed that this wasn’t a dream. His lips met Gundham’s, and now he was sure that this was definitely a dream. There was no way this was real, right?

Gundham squeezed his hand, and Kazuichi smiled into the kiss. After a few seconds they broke apart, and Kazuichi put his fingers to his lips, shell-shocked.

“Are you alright, beloved one?”

“Yeah, just, wow. I never thought I’d be able to do that,” Kazuichi said giddily.

“Should you like, you may do it as much as you like. But be warned! Once you start you may not want to turn back!”

“Whatever dork, just kiss me already!” This kiss was more urgent than the first. It was needy, and since neither of the boys had much experience, it was messy, but it was everything they ever wanted and more. Kazuichi cautiously poked his tongue out of his mouth experimentally, and hummed appreciatively when it was met by a small noise from Gundham. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but Gundham liked it, so obviously he wasn’t doing too bad a job. He pulled away from Gundham’s lips reluctantly to catch his breath. He didn’t want to. Kissing him was a drug, and Kazuichi was addicted after just one hit.

“Beloved one, not to say I’m not enjoying this, but, are you not worried that someone might happen upon us? Maybe we should go back to one of our dwellings?”

“Sure thing babe! I’ll text Fuyuhiko and see if he can let us out, I’m sure he’s the one behind us being trapped in here after all,” After Kazuichi texted Fuyuhiko, the new couple sat around, not wanting to have anyone walk in on them kissing. 

“You two better have fucking got together by now, I swear to god,” Fuyuhiko opened the door, and Kazuichi laughed. Fuyuhiko took one look at the two’s interconnected hands and sighed. “Fucking finally. At this rate I thought you were gonna die before you could tell each other about your feelings,”

“Well, we’re gonna get going, see you!” Kazuichi waved.

“You better take care of Kazuichi, or I’ll fucking kill ya, got it Tanaka?” Fuyuhiko threatened. Gundham nodded.

“I’d never even entertain the thought, my dark prince means far too much to me,”

“C’mon babe! Hurry up!” Gundham shook his head, laughing to himself at his boyfriend’s antics, and followed his boyfriend. The two quickly made their way to Kazuichi’s room, and as soon as Kazuichi locked the door behind him, he quickly sat on Gundham’s lap, straddling him. Gundham hid his face in his scarf, blushing.

“You look so cute with your face all red like that, did you know that?”

“I’m not sure why an angel like you would find me, the supreme overlord of ice, cute, but, okay,” Gundham stammered.

“Seriously, babe, you’re adorable,” Kazuichi said, punctuating the space between his words with soft kisses. 

“My paramore, what magic is this? You seem to have me spellbound,” Gundham looked away, flustered.

“No magic,” Kazuichi wrapped his arms around Gundham and looked him dead in the eyes. “Can I kiss you again?”

“Of course, beloved one,” 

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

The token straight: Did anyone see that Gundham had a fucking hickey today or was that just me?

Ultimate normal kid: How would you have see it when he usually wears that scarf of his

Ultimate normal kid: I don’t think i’ve ever seen him take it off

The token straight: Kazuichi stole it, lmao

Soda machine: Wait so Fuyu didn’t tell you guys?

Soda machine: Me and Gundham are dating now!!!!!

Ultimate normal kid: Congrats!

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Finally

The token straight: I believe you owe me 4000 yen Hiyoko

Tanaka the forbidden one: You placed bets on us????

I chime in with a-: You can talk normally???

Soda machine: He’s a little tired today lmao

Soda machine: He only ever talks normally when he’s too tired to bother

Soda machine: I love my boyfriend so much!!!!!!!!

Soda machine: He’s so handsome and cute!!!!!!!

Princess: I think Gundham may be a bit flustered

Soda machine: Photos?????

Princess has sent 3 photos to the chat

Soda machine: LKDSHSDHJSDHHDSHSDHHJJSDHHDS

Soda machine: I,,,, in love,,,,,,,,,

Tanaka the forbidden one: I love you too

Fuyu-Fuyu: Seriously, finally

Fuyu-Fuyu: If I hadn’t interfered you two would never end up together

Soda machine: C’mon, give me more credit

Soda machine: I’m not that hopeless!

Hope UWU: Not to be rude, but I agree with Fuyuhiko

Hope UWU: Not that an ultimate like you would ever consider listening to trash like me

Ultimate normal kid: Seriously, I don’t think that’s normal

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Don’t worry, I’m trying to convince one of out underclassman to pay to get Nagito a therapist

Ultimate normal kid: Lol alright

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Also, congratulations Gundham and Kazuichi!!!!

Princess: I’m glad that you two finally grew up and got the courage to confess

Tanaka the forbidden one: Well, it was Kazuichi who confessed to me first

Tanaka the forbidden one: He is the one who should get all the credit

I might be short but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless fuck you: Whatever, that’s cute and all just don’t make out during class

Soda machine: No promises lmao

Take a picture, it'll last longer: Don’t make out in class.

Impasta: I don’t want to see you guys make out

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Keep your hands to yourself during class

Soda machine: Fine, fine

Chapter Text

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

Soda machine: There’s this girl, she’s one of our underclassmen

Soda machine: I swear she is a demon

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Which one there’s a couple

Soda machine: Fucking Junko

Soda machine: She fucking wrecked the bike I was working on

Soda machine: Fucking on purpose

Tanaka the forbidden one: My paramour, should you wish to come over to my residence to calm down, my door is open

Soda machine: Thanks babe

>>> Private messages - Gundham Tanaka, Sonia Nevermind <<<

Gundham Tanaka: DHHSGGSDDSHGHDSHGGHSDGHDGSH

Sonia Nevermind: Lmao

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

Fuyu-Fuyu: I think Gundham is freaking out Kaz

Fuyu-Fuyu: He’s just sitting in the corner

Fuyu-Fuyu: Hiding his face in his scarf

Fuyu-Fuyu: His face is so fucking red

Fuyu-Fuyu: This is fucking hilarious

Soda machine: I thought he was in his room

Fuyu-Fuyu: I was just having a chat with him

Soda machine: Wtf don’t threaten my boyfriend

Fuyu-Fuyu: I didn’t threaten him

Fuyu-Fuyu: I just told him if he hurt you he’d face all my wrath

Soda machine: That’s threatening him Fuyuhiko

Fuyu-Fuyu: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Soda machine: Don’t kill my boyfriend!

Fuyu-Fuyu: So long as he doesn’t hurt you, I won’t

Soda machine: Thanks, but Gundham’s a sweetie, he’d never even hurt a fly

Tanaka the forbidden one: I would never hurt Kazuichi

Tanaka the forbidden one: I cherish him more than anything on this mortal plane

Soda machine: Babe! Ily2!!!!

Fuyu-Fuyu: I think you broke him lol

Soda machine: I’m on my way!!!!!!!!

“Hey babe! I hope Fuyuhiko wasn’t being too mean,” Kazuichi sat in Gundham’s lap cheerily.

“It’s alright beloved one, he just wants to protect you. I understand that. If I were to hurt you, I’d never forgive myself,”

“You’re so sweet!”

“Wha- I, Kazuichi- I,” Gundham stammered, and hid his face in his scarf. 

Kazuichi kissed Gundham’s cheek softly. 

“So, what do you wanna do! Do you wanna go on a date? We could go to a cafe together, or we could watch a movie together, or whatever else you wanna do?”

“Well, my angel, I wouldn’t mind staying here with you,”

“Hell yeah!” Kazuichi cuddled up next to Gundham, a big smile on his face. 

“So what would you like to do, my love?”

“I don’t mind, do you have anything in particular? It is almost time for dinner, maybe I could cook something for us?”

“I would appreciate that, beloved one,” Gundham smiled. Kazuichi kissed his cheek lightly, and pulled him up off the couch. 

“So, what do you want for dinner?” Kazuichi asked his boyfriend.

“I don’t mind, beloved one, whatever you decide,” 

“I can make pizza? Just plain cheese for you, right?” Kazuichi asked.

“You remembered?” Gundham asked, voice soft.

“Of course, babe! You’re my boyfriend!” Kazuichi smiled.

“Thank you, Kazuichi. I know it might seem small, but it’s a lot to me,” 

“Well,  if I can’t do the bare minimum for you what kind of boyfriend am I?” Kazuichi shrugged.

“Would it be okay for me to kiss you?”

“Of course babe!” Kazuichi kissed Gundham quickly, then led him to the kitchen.

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

Soda machine: Look! Me and Gundham made pizzas!

Soda machine has shared two pictures

Princess: That looks amazing, Souda!

Soda machine: Thanks! Now I better get back to cuddling with my boyfriend ^-^

Princess: You two are so adorable!

Kazuichi looked up at his boyfriend, and snuggled closer into his chest. 

“Are you tired, beloved?” Gundham asked, and Kazuichi nodded.

“Just a lil bit,”

“You can sleep on my lap if you want, it wouldn't be a bother,”

“Thanks, babe, that sounds nice,” Kazuichi smiled, and slowly nodded off to sleep. Gundham smiled at his boyfriend, and after a short bit, he fell asleep as well. 

Chapter Text

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

I chime in with a- has changed their name to Party Rock motherfuckers

Ultimate normal kid: Okay

Ultimate normal kid: Also

Ultimate normal kid has changed their name to Golden Freddy

Soda machine: Explain??

Golden Freddy: I’m the outsider

Gay-mer (but actually bi): We all love you anyway Hajime

>>> Hajime Hinata, Kazuichi Soda <<<

Hajime Hinata: sjhfhjdhdfhjdfhjdhf I’m going to die Kaz

Hajime Hinata: I’m literally going to die 

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

Soda machine: Miku Miku

Party Rock motherfuckers: You can call me Miku

Hope UWU: Blue hair, blue tie

The token straight: Hiding in your wifi

Impasta: Open secrets anyone can find me

Take a picture it’ll last longer: Hear your music running through my mind

Soda machine: Babe join in

Tanaka the forbidden one: Alright

Tanaka the forbidden one: I’m thinking Miku, Miku

Soda machine: Ooooh eeee oooh

Golden Freddy: Please stop, unlike you my teachers don’t want me on my phone during class.

Soda machine: ooof

Soda machine: RIP

Fuyu’s wife: Would it be alright if I changed my name

Golden Freddy: Of course!

Fuyu’s wife has changed their name to Peko

Party Rock motherfuckers: Well, that’s kinda boring but oh well

Hope UWU: Can someone please tell Junko to stfu

Soda machine: What’s she done this time

Hope UWU: She and Kokichi stole my backpack

Hope UWU: And my laptop

Golden Freddy: Do you need some help getting it back

Hope UWU: Sure. I don’t want the ultimates to waste their time on scum like me after all

Golden Freddy: Wow. Just. Wow. 

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Don’t worry Haji, you’re my ultimate sidekick so it doesn’t matter what Nagito says

Golden Freddy: Aww, thanks Chiaki

Party Rock motherfuckers has changed their name to those FNAF fan songs do slap tho

Golden Freddy: Lmao true

Fuyu-Fuyu: Do you bitches wanna play among us?

Golden Freddy: Sure, whats the code?

Fuyu-Fuyu: XXXXXX

Gay-mer (but actually bi): I’ll join too

Hope UWU: I’ll join as well

those fnaf songs do slap tho: Ibuki would love to join you guys!!!

Golden Freddy: Who else is playing?

Fuyu-Fuyu: Peko and my sister

Princess: I’ll play!

Soda machine: Me and Gundham will join too!!!

Golden Freddy: Okay, so I’m Haji-meme, we all know who HOPE is, Chiaki is icedcoffee, Ibuki is unicorn, Fuyu is Badbitch, Peko is swordswoman, Sonia is Royalty, Fuyu’s sis is SHSL sister, Kaz is Sodamachine and Gundham is hamsters, right?

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Yeah that sounds about right

Golden Freddy: Cool

Soda machine: How do I vent like Fuyu did?

Fuyu-Fuyu: Tf? I’m with Peko? Why the fuck are you lying?

Hope UWU: Well obviously he’s the imposter

Gay-mer (but actually bi); Not necessarily, Fuyuhiko and Peko could both be the imposters

Golden Freddy: How much imposters are there in this one?

Gay-mer (but actually bi): There are two imposters in this game

Golden Freddy: Cool thx

Those fnaf songs do slap tho: Ahhhh this is so stressful!!!!!!

Those fnaf songs do slap tho: Noooooo I died!!!!!!!!!!!!

Golden Freddy: F

Gay-mer (but actually bi): F

Fuyu-Fuyu: F

Soda machine: f

Tanaka the forbidden one: I’m not sure why you all are saying this but F

Peko: F

Token straight: Oof rip

Soda machine: I think Fuyuhiko’s the imposter, I saw him vent

Fuyu-Fuyu: Bullshit

Tanaka the forbidden one: I was with my beloved one around the time the loud one’s body was discovered

Fuyu-Fuyu: There are two imposters, dumbass!!

Golden Freddy: Fuyu’s sus, he’s getting overly defensive

Fuyu-Fuyu: Shut up! Kaz is obviously lying!

Fuyu-Fuyu: I bet you’re both the imposters!

Soda machine: Dude you’re just being even more sus

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Lets all vote for Fuyuhiko

Fuyu-Fuyu:....

Fuyu-Fuyu: I told you dumbasses I wasn’t the imposter

Token straight: Lmao I’m just watching this go down

Golden Freddy: I bet Kaz and Gundham are the imposters

Golden Freddy: Vote for Kaz next

Fuyu-Fuyu: I told you guys

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Kaz, word of advice, don’t just randomly accuse people when you’re the imposter, it’s fairly obvious

Gay-mer (but actually bi): You really gave yourself away

Golden Freddy: Lmao this was such a quick game

Fuyu-Fuyu: It’d be shorter if you listened to me

Soda machine: Lmaooooooo

Golden Freddy: I’m going to bed now so night

Soda machine: Good night

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Good night Hajime <3

>>> Down with the cis<<<

Haji-gay: jksajsjajkkjkjskjjskajksjsaasjkaksj

Your future king: Lmao whipped

Chapter Text

This isn't an update, I just wanted to say I've made 2 different Oumami one-shots if you guys wanted to check them out

Chapter Text

>>> Ultimate’s unite <<<

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Hajime here,  haha does anyone here know someone who can fix phones

Gay-mer (but actually bi): I accidentally broke mine

Soda machine: If you bring it to me, I can take it to Miu, but when you get it back you might want to make sure she hasn’t done anything weird to it

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Yeah no, I’ll just find a shop to go to

Gay-mer (but actually bi): I don’t trust her at all

Soda machine: Lol that’s fair

Princess: If it’s not too much to ask, what happened to your phone?

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Just got a bit pissed bc of something my parents said, so I accidentally threw my phone at the wall

Soda machine: Lmao Fuyuhiko has done that so many times its hilarious

Those fnaf songs do slap tho has changed their name to Kandi kid

Kandi kid: Doez anyone wanna help Ibuki make some kandi braceletz??? I think they look pretty pog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Chiaki again, me and Hajime would love to

Soda machine: I will!

Princess: Gundham and I will also

Kandi kid: Yayyyy!!!!

“Hey Hajime! Chiaki! Ibuki is happy to see you!”

“Hey Ibuki,” Hajime waved slightly.

“Do you wanna hug Hajime? You see m kinda down,”

“Heh, sure,” Hajime shrugged. Ibuki ran over quickly and wrapped her arms around him.

“Careful, I think you’re squishing him a bit Ibuki,”

“Oops, sorry Hajime!” Ibuki let go of Hajime, then dragged him and Chiaki over to her bed. 

“Now we just need to wait for the others,” Chiaki smiled, and Hajime couldn’t take his eyes off her. He was sure he was blushing. He looked away after he heard a knock on the door. Ibuki ran up and opened the door.

“Hey hey! How are you three today?” Ibuki jumped up and down excitedly. 

“We’re doing quite well. Gundham, Soda and I were playing Mario Kart together,” Sonia clasped her hands together.

“That’s pog! Now c’mon, let’s make our bracelets! Ibuki is making some for Miu and Kaede from the 79th class!” 

Ibuki pulled out a container of rainbow beads and elastic. Hajime grabbed a handful of blue ones and started to make a bracelet.  

“Can I have some help here?” Chiaki asked. 

“What do you need help with?” Hajime turned around.

“Well, it’s not tying properly, can you help?”

“Well, I think it’s the elastic which is the problem. Here, use this,” Hajime passed Chiaki some of the string he was using.

“Thanks Hajime,” Chiaki smiled. Hajime tried his hardest not to look too lovestruck when he smiled back. 

>>> Down with the cis <<<

Haji-gay: djsjkjfjfshsjkfklfs Chiaki,,,, pretty,,,,,

Baby shark: Lmao simp

Haji-gay: Says the biggest simp to walk this earth

Haji-gay has changed Baby shark’s name to SIMP

SIMP: Bitch

Haji-gay: Stfu simp

Gender tea: Simp

Your future king: HA simp

SIMP has changed their name to I hate you all

Titty skittles: Aah I’m sorry!!!!

I hate you all: Not you Mikan you didn’t do anything wrong, just Ibuki, Hajime and Fuyuhiko

Titty skittles: Okay,,, 

I hate you all: Wait I thought your phone was broken???

Haji-gay: Maybe I'm risking hurting my fingers but oh well lmao

“Who are you messaging?” Chiaki tilted her head to the side.

“Oh, Fuyuhiko, Ibuki and I are making fun of Kazuichi for being a simp for Gundham,” Hajime laughed.

“Oh shut up!” Kazuichi complained. Gundham petted Kazuichi’s head fondly.

“It’s alright beloved one, I for one like to know that you ‘simp’ for me, after all, I am your boyfriend, so it’s comforting to know these things,” Kazuichi groaned in embarrassment and buried his head into Gundham’s chest. 

>>> Ultimates unite <<<

Golden Freddy: Cancelling Kazuichi for being a SIMP

Fuyu-Fuyu: I mean that’s not new but alright

Soda machine: Stop bullying me!!!!

Golden Freddy: You can’t escape, you must repent for your sins

Soda machine: sghjdjskkdskkl leave me alone

Fuyu-Fuyu: Bitch no

Gay-mer (but actually bi): Hajime get off your phone you're gonna hurt yourself

After everyone finished making the bracelets, Chiaki and Hajime waved goodbye to Ibuki and headed over towards Chiaki’s dorm. 

“Hajime, do you want to talk about what happened with your parents? It’s fine if you don’t, but, I just want to check that you’re okay,” 

“I’m fine, they just said the usual stuff. Y’know, about how I’m no son of theirs and how I’m going to regret it in a few years. It doesn’t even hurt anymore, it just, it pisses me off, you know?” Chiaki nodded, and offered out her arms for a hug. Hajime leaned in and wrapped his arms around her. 

“If you ever need anything, I’m always here for you, and so are the others. We’re your friends and we care about you,” Chiaki said, looking up at Hajime.

“Yeah, I know,” Friends. That was all that he and Chiaki were. Hopefully, some day, they could be more, but, for now, he was content.