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Star wanted to tell the Rose Quartzes her true identity. She daydreamed about it many times. It was unfair to them that she pretended to be one of them, and if anyone in her rebel army deserved to know the truth it was them.
Star knew she never could tell them, for the same reason that she couldn’t tell anyone else. To tell them she was the one they believed they were fighting against would be to admit how powerless she was. Would any of them still fight by her side if they knew what the fight was really about? Star doubted it.
She wanted the Rose Quartzes to know that she was the one who made them, so maybe she could ease their doubts and worries about not fitting well in the role they were made for. She wanted to tell them how proud she was of them for it. She wanted them to know that she loved them as they were.
But Star knew it was no use telling, because they couldn’t care less for what their Diamond would think. They learned to embrace who they were, and to value their friends more than hierarchy.
(And that only made her prouder.)
But she saw that even in beings so new and inexperienced as them, the damages done by gem society’s system ran deep. She saw it when Dawn insisted on risking her life for her, in the way Moonlight clearly blamed herself for the fear she felt in the battlefield, in the way Sunshine took so many chores for herself as if trying to compensate for something. Star could tell them as many times as she could that they didn’t need to prove anything, that they didn’t need to be what they were told they should be, that they didn’t need to apologize for who they were. There was just so much that she could convince them of.
She knew she only made things worse. They looked at her, a supposed Rose Quartz that was supposedly perfect, and saw her as some ideal of what they should be. Star hated the image that was created of her. She wanted them to know she was flawed too, that she was a coward and a liar and that they were already much better than she was.
Star wanted to be honest with them. She wanted to be able to look them in the eye and stand by their side, truly, no myths pulling them apart. But she knew that they would never forgive her. The longer the war lasted, the stronger the feelings of everyone involved became. The faint resentment the three Rose Quartzes felt towards their creator turned into hatred, and Star could only watch.