Work Text:
When Namjoon was five years old, he only had one dream. He wanted to change the world.
As silly as it sounds like, Namjoon had always dreamt of making a difference. Right from that age when he first understood what the word ‘change’ actually meant, until now, almost twenty years later, Namjoon still wanted to create a change in this Earth. He used to say that he wanted to eradicate plastic in the ocean, or perhaps find the cure for cancer. Something legendary, something that would put him in the record books, making him someone unforgettable.
In his quest to make a change, Namjoon has chosen a field of study that best represents him. Writing. Words were Namjoon’s best friend. Things that Namjoon failed to actualize in the moment, he would write instead. For him, it was the greatest and easiest medium to send his message out there. That’s why he dreamt of someday writing his own novels. In that way, he has a physical record of making the change he so badly wanted to create.
However, no one really fully explained to Namjoon how difficult it is to make a change.
Nevertheless, Namjoon persevered, or is still persevering. While he indeed still has a very long way to go to reach his goal, Namjoon had learnt quite a few things in his journey. All essential to make the change he wishes to someday see.
First, he learnt that a small change is also a big change. He could begin small , and the accumulation of these miniscule efforts could create an effect huge enough to leave its own indelible mark. Second, change isn’t always positive. Sometimes, change comes in the form of regrets, mistakes, and wrong decisions. Still though, they all contribute to making a difference in their own way. Third and last, change couldn’t be done by a single person alone, but it does begin with the will of one human being first. No man is an island—we all need help, and we all could help. That’s the law of life.
These are the things Namjoon had observed in his twenty four years of existence. But as always, human beings learn more and more each day. It’s the same reason why Namjoon began to add another significant observation to that list. Something he has never thought would come to his life. But then again, that’s also one aspect of change Namjoon has learnt. It comes in abruptly.
Change unexpectedly arrived in Namjoon’s life one sunny Thursday afternoon.
It’s not that Namjoon has been having a bad day, but it could definitely be better. It’s just that he had a looming deadline hovering above his head, and it just so happens that he also had a writer’s block to go with it. The professor’s task was quite simple: create a fairy tale in ten thousand words max.
That would have been fine for Namjoon, if it wasn’t for his professor staring at him with great expectancy, as if he’s confident that Namjoon would exceed his standards before he even gave out the task. Not that Namjoon has never, he is one of the most promising young writers in their university. Sure, sometimes he’d take it as a motivation, but right now, he can’t help but think that it’s just an added weight on top of his shoulders.
He slumps in their living room floor, leaning against the couch instead of sitting on it. He spots a denim jacket that wasn’t his over the armrest of their purple and worn out sofa. It must have been his roommate’s, Jimin. But then again, he doesn’t remember Jimin being this big, unless he unexpectedly woke up in Alice in Wonderland and is suddenly the biggest creature in existence. So it must belong to one of his friends.
Goddammit, Namjoon couldn’t even get fairy tales out of his mind now.
He sighs again. He has written three one thousand word documents, all sent to the trash. His trip to Seokjin’s cafe was indeed a bust. While he did enjoy his hyung’s coffee, nothing was just good enough for Namjoon’s mildly perfectionist mind. His writing sucked today, and it was giving him a headache.
In his exhaustion, Namjoon didn’t even notice that he had closed his eyes, not until he opened them to see two amused faces hovering above him with cheeky smiles. Oh, Namjoon hasn’t even heard them come in.
“Go away.” Namjoon grumbles. His head was laying on the plush seat of their sofa, his peace now disrupted. “Stop staring at me, weirdos.”
“No can do, Joonie hyung.” Taehyung giggles. He was one of Jimin’s two other friends that now also became his friend. He actually didn’t live here, but Taehyung made his fair contribution to their bills. Well, he is in here more than he is in his own apartment. At first, neither Jimin nor Namjoon accepted his money, only for Taehyung to begin stocking up their groceries every Saturday morning with a fierce glare to dare and throw away the things he bought. Jimin and Namjoon weren’t brave enough to go against that. “Now make space, I want to cuddle.”
Again, Namjoon grumbles something incoherent. Taehyung began poking his head underneath Namjoon’s underarm that only meant he wanted Namjoon to lift it. With a sigh that was more fond than exasperated, Namjoon does what he needs to do. Taehyung won’t give up anyways, and it’s not like Namjoon is against cuddling especially after his not so good day. With a happy yelp, Taehyung embraces Namjoon from his left side, laying his head on his shoulder while Namjoon gently cards his fingers through his messy curls.
“Hey I want to cuddle too.”
Equally as clingy and adorable as Taehyung was his roommate, Jimin. This is their second year of being housemates and god doesn’t Namjoon adore him to bits. Well, maybe not as much as how Jimin loved his Joonie hyung. These two were the softest yet scariest brats in Namjoon’s life, and Namjoon couldn’t even imagine surviving his college days without these two that are only a year lower than him.
Jimin then begins climbing on the sofa, sandwiching Namjoon’s head in between his thick thighs. Namjoon gently lays his head on Jimin’s lap, careful not to dislodge Taehyung that much unless he wants another bite mark to his forearm. Did Namjoon also mention that these two were definitely part puppies that were always high on a sugar rush?
Nevertheless, Namjoon welcomes their touch. Call it a sixth sense, but these two always seem to know when Namjoon needs the extra comfort. Sure they were already extra tactile on a normal day, but on occasions like these, Namjoon genuinely appreciates the tighter squeeze of Taehyung’s arms around his torso, or the way Jimin lightly plays with his cheeks. It’s exactly what he needs.
But he also knows that something is missing.
When Namjoon opens his eyes, he sees exactly what it is.
There, just standing a few steps away from the couch, Jungkook was staring at them while he chews on his bottom lip in something Namjoon would now recognize as shyness.
When Namjoon first met Taehyung and Jungkook—Jimin’s best friends that he made here in his freshman year in university, with all three of them being in the same year and course—Namjoon and Taehyung easily clicked. But Jungkook… Namjoon took some time with him.
At first, he thought Jungkook didn’t like him, but when he told Jimin and Taehyung of his concerns, the two devils had only laughed to the point of tears, while Jimin bends over the sink in utter amusement.
‘Oh hyung,’ Jimin sighs out both fond and completely entertained. Taehyung was still on the kitchen floor cackling like a sea witch. ‘You do not know how far from the truth your statement was.’
So they were of no help, therefore Namjoon took it upon himself to gently ease the youngest boy with him. He understands in some way, Namjoon also takes quite some time to open up to strangers, well except for Jimin and Taehyung who now have the key to his heart. So when Namjoon finally saw an opportunity to get closer to Jungkook, he grabbed it. It thankfully came in the form of Jungkook needing a tutor, and Namjoon was all too willing to help.
If a part of him genuinely wanted Jungkook to like him, then it was Namjoon’s business alone.
From then on, he began to see Jungkook smiling a little more widely at him. No longer those reserved upturn of his lips. Now, he freely laughs at their hyung, no longer hesitating to join in on the teasing. Sure he’s not as touchy as Jimin and Taehyung, which Namjoon realized that it’s just how Jungkook is, and not because Jungkook had a problem with him. Actually, Namjoon discovered that he likes being touched. He was just really shy in initiating it. But he does love hugs, especially if it’s from his Namjoonie hyung.
“Jungkook-ah,” Namjoon could already read him so well. He’s just waiting for Namjoon to call him over. “Come here and give me a hug too, buddy.”
Needless to say, Jungkook seamlessly makes his way to Namjoon’s other side with a big bunny smile on his adorable face. God, when Namjoon first saw Jungkook, he thought he would have died from a heart attack—he has never ever seen anyone this cute in his entire life, and he was roommates with human baby chick, Park Jimin.
As Jungkook sits by his side, his own muscular arms coming to wrap around Namjoon’s torso, both men share a shy smile. No matter how many times they do this, Namjoon still couldn’t help but feel giddy to have the cutest boy in the universe this close to him.
And Jungkook… Jungkook couldn’t even suppress his own smile if he tried. A light blush coating Jungkook’s cheeks, that Namjoon’s oblivious nature only mistakens for shyness but is actually something more. Beside them, Jimin and Taehyung share an amused smile, not daring to break this intimate and adorable moment by the two men who are obviously too happy for their own good.
Wrapped in three pairs of arms in the middle of their living room, Namjoon feels utterly content. Sure, he still had problems and deadlines, but a part of him is at peace knowing that he has these three to hold him during his tough times. So for now, he will bask in their loving embrace. He could almost fall asleep like this.
Until someone knocks on their door.
“Joonie!”
Even from where all four of them sat in the apartment, they could all hear the voice outside their door loud and clear. All of them rolling their eyes fondly, because what’s the use of a doorbell if Hoseok is just going to scream from outside their door that loudly.
“Open up, Namjoon-ah!”
With a heavy sigh, Namjoon disentangles himself from their arms. The three kids could only pout, but they knew better than to make their Hobi hyung wait for no longer than five minutes, unless they wanted severe consequences.
The moment Namjoon opens the door, he is immediately blinded by Hoseok’s shining smile who is carrying…
A jar of hearts.
“Joon!” Hoseok exclaims, stepping inside his apartment with a wet and long kiss on Namjoon’s right dimple, as if they haven’t just seen each other this morning. He doesn’t even wait for Namjoon to tell him to come in. “I got something for you!”
Without any warning, Hoseok shoves the jar of hearts to Namjoon’s chest. Namjoon could only look at it bewilderedly. It’s a huge glass jar filled with origami hearts of different colors, and he’s quite surprised to get something like this from… Hoseok?
“From you?” Namjoon asks indignantly. Why would Hoseok do this? He knew exactly who Namjoon was crushing on.
“No dumbass,” Hoseok scowls, poking his forearm harshly. “We all know that if there is someone in this world I would confess to, it’s not going to be you.”
Well, that should hurt, but Namjoon is more thankful. He wasn’t too keen on breaking his best friend’s heart.
“Well then whose is this from?” Namjoon as he inspects the jar further. At this, the three musketeers inch their way towards them now. All curious at the gift on Namjoon’s hands.
A delightful smirk paints its way on Hoseok’s lips. “That my friend is from someone very special, but I’m not allowed to say who.”
Taehyung begins pushing his face to the jar, while Jimin claws at his hair to get at it first. Jungkook is just staring at it blankly, almost disbelieving.
“OMG!” Jimin screeches like a sorority girl. “Does hyungie have a secret admirer?”
“Look at how cute this is!” Taehyung was about to steal the jar away, but was unable to, thanks to Namjoon’s height. “Jungkookie, would you ever do anything like this for me?”
“No.” Jungkook answers plain and short while Taehyung gasps indignantly. He’s not joining Taehyung and Jimin’s game of steal-the-jar, but he does look very curious about what is in Namjoon's hands. “What is even in that jar?”
“I don’t know.” Namjoon grumbles, before deciding to place it on a nearby table. He opens the lid and sitting right on top of the jar is a folded piece of paper that says ‘Read Me First’. So that’s exactly what Namjoon does.
When he unfolds the paper, he sees a handwritten note on it. It’s a little messy, but still understandable. Cute to say the very least. On it, is a message:
To Kim Namjoon,
First of all, please don’t be weirded out. I come with good intentions. I only want to show you how much I like you… of how much I love you. I know you might not know me right now, but I know you so well, and I just want to remind you how amazing you are. Inside this jar is exactly 101 hearts. 100 of them are reasons why I love you. The last one is a black heart. You have to promise to read it only once you’re done reading every single reason. There are some instructions there, and if you wish to follow through it, then I will be waiting for your message.
These reasons all come from my heart, Joonie, and I wish you will always be reminded of these beautiful things each and every single day. I’m not even asking you to give me a chance, I may have a crush on you but I will never pressure you to return my feelings. I just want you to know exactly how I feel. You are amazing, Namjoonie, and I love you so, so much.
Love,
Your special admirer (a.k.a the person who especially admires you the most.)
Oh.
Oh.
“Oh wow.”
Needless to say, Namjoon is utterly and irrevocably speechless. That is… insane .
Someone really likes him so much that they made him one hundred reasons why they love him? Holy shit, Namjoon has never gotten anything this sweet. When he looked at the jar closely, he even noticed that the hearts were all origami folded, and not simply cut out. That’s so sweet, what the hell?
“I wanna read it!” Taehyung screeches from his left, battling for the paper on Namjoon’s hand.
“Me first!” Jimin is on his right too, trying to snatch the paper away.
“Hey losers, stop that!” Hoseok chastises them with a smack to their napes. “That’s for Namjoon, and Namjoon alone.”
“But I want to read it!”
“Look Joonie hyung is blushing, it must be something saucy!”
Hoseok rewards them with another smack to their heads.
“Guys.” Namjoon finally sighs out through the gigantic smile on his face. He doesn’t even care how funny he looks, he knows Jimin and Taehyung will tease him about it, but he honestly doesn’t care. “I think I just want to keep this for me.”
Jimin huffs, but he finally relents. Same with Taehyung, who is now standing like a human definition of a pout.
“But hyung,” It’s Jungkook who speaks up, looking at the jar a little strangely. “Could you at least tell us what’s in it?”
Just to satisfy all their curiosity, Namjoon finally says. “It’s a hundred reasons why they love me.”
“Holy shit!” Taehyung bluntly says.
“Goddamn, Joonie hyung.” Jimin whistles approvingly. “Someone is smitten over you.”
“Ah that’s cool.” Jungkook smiles slightly, almost as if he’s… unsure? “Must be nice to get one of those.”
“Anyways.” Hoseok interjects. “Why don’t you give it a read, Joonie? I’m sure you’re dying to know what they’ve written for you.”
Namjoon wouldn’t even deny that. “Well then if you’ll excuse me guys.”
He doesn’t even give them the chance to stop him. He skips to his room, locking his door for safety precaution. He sits on his bed again, with a giddy smile on his face. He places the jar on his lap, and before he could stop himself, he picks up the first heart. He mentally and physically prepares himself, even though Namjoon knows he’ll only be screeching unto his sheets the moment he reads the first one.
They’re not in chronological order, seeing as they’re all jumbled up into one huge jar. He picks up the one at the very top. It’s purple, and handwritten too. Is every heart handwritten as well?
Reason #29: I love watching you work on things you are passionate about. The way you scrunch your nose and stare so intently at your laptop while you write, you’re so adorable, Namjoonie.
Yup, he’s certain that Jimin would tease him later tonight for screeching like a schoolgirl on his pillow. And that’s just one heart down.
Before he could stop himself, he picked up another heart, this time in orange. He keeps the first one tucked in safely beside him. Later, he’ll find another jar to contain the ones he already opened, but for now, he’ll be having his fun reading these messages.
Reason #12: I love your smile. It can brighten up my day no matter how disastrous it has been. Keep on smiling every day, Joonie. It never fails to make my morning.
And another one, this time in blue.
Reason #87: I love the way you take care of people, so kind and loving. I wish that someday I can take care of you just like how you took care of me.
Then another, in yellow.
Reason #64: I love the way you love, so pure and genuine, and always, always selfless. Please always keep on loving me in your own little ways, Joonie. And someday if you’ll let me, I want to love you too.
And maybe one more, in green.
Reason #94: I love that I have you in my life, always. What a relief I have you in my life, Joonie, I have absolutely no worries because this planet has a beautiful Namjoon in it. Please don’t ever leave me.
Before Namjoon knew it, he had opened around twenty hearts, and he’s smiling so dopily on his bed, he genuinely could rival a person that looks high on endorphins.
Oh my god. This is so cute. Namjoon tries to control himself. He genuinely wants to open all one hundred hearts in one go. But he wants to prolong it a little bit more—make it last a little longer. At the bottom of this jar awaits a black heart, and Namjoon wants to take his sweet time before he reaches it. There’s no rush, he loves the way he’s feeling right now, and he wants to make it last a few more days.
At the end of the night, Namjoon could certainly deduce three things about his secret admirer. Sometimes he likes to play the role of Shane from Buzzfeed Unsolved, so he thinks he could properly connect a few dots.
First, Namjoon concludes that this person knows them well. Besides the fact that they have outright said that Namjoon is a part of their life, Namjoon also noticed that there are certain quirks here and there from Namjoon that only a close person in his life could know. Such as that second red heart he took out from the jar.
Reason #63: I love how you rush to settle any misunderstandings right away. Not many people are brave enough to confront and immediately resolve, but you do it so gracefully, without offending anyone. You’re selfless and always more than willing to cooperate. Not a lot of people have that quality in themselves, Joonie.
Surely, there’s not a lot of people Namjoon has encountered misunderstanding with, but this seems like a first hand account. That eliminates a lot of people in his life, but Namjoon still has a lot of close friends.
Second, Namjoon deduces that this person is the sweetest and one of the most observant people he has ought to know. Like Namjoon genuinely melted when he picked up that white heart and read its content.
Reason #41: I love the way you eat cotton candy. You’ve always had a sweet tooth, but I adore the way that you would always share it with your friends first, before you gobble it down like a fluffy bear. Truly Joon, you are sweeter than all the sweets in this world combined.
Or maybe it was the third pink heart he picked up.
Reason #87: I love how your only flaw is that you read while walking. Please don’t do that, Joonie, you might hurt yourself. I hate seeing the people I love in any sorts of pain, especially if I’m not there to take care of them :(
He didn’t even notice that someone had recognized his weird quirks. It makes him feel so goddamn precious that he kind of just wants to blast Twice’s Feel Special at the top of his lungs because goddamn! That’s his theme song right now.
Needless to say that Namjoon is in a puddle, which leads him to his third and final conclusion so far.
Namjoon decides that whoever this person is, he will give them a chance.
He’ll just take his time finding out who they are. But whoever this is, they have to know that Namjoon is beyond enamoured with them already. He’s not even doing this because he feels like it’s the least he could do, but because he genuinely wants to. Only a person who truly finds Namjoon dear to their heart would do this, and that alone tells Namjoon a lot. He’d be foolish not to give them a shot. This anonymous person already makes him so happy, and Namjoon is sure that they could both make each other happier in person.
Truly, this is a change Namjoon has not foreseen. But god doesn’t it make his insides melt and cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. Yup, Namjoon is completely and utterly captivated with this lovely person who writes their g’s and y’s with a cute little swirl.
Day by day, Namjoon’s smile is getting wider and wider.
Even Yoongi is beginning to notice his sweeter than usual smile, scowling at him because who in their right mind would look that happy at eight in the goddamn morning?
But what could Namjoon do? He has opted to open ten hearts a day, after opening twenty on the very first one. He opens a few before he goes to classes, another batch when he gets home, and some before he falls asleep.
All of them never fail to make him smile.
Like who wouldn’t when before he left for his classes, he would read something so motivating and wonderful as that pink heart he opened.
Reason #9: I love the way you write. You’re so talented in your craft, Joonie. Reading the things you’ve written always make me feel so amazed. Please do not forget me when you become a world renowned writer!
Literally, Namjoon feels as if nothing could scare him anymore. He could face his day head on because someone out there truly trusts in him and his works.
In his motivation too, he’s begun completing the task he’s been stuck on for the past week—writing a fairytale. Maybe because it’s the fact that he feels as if he’s starring in one right now, only this is better because it’s his reality.
Namjoon has his real life fairytale.
Even when he’s having a bad day, he feels as if nothing could dampen his mood. Not when he gets home to pick that yellow heart sitting on top of the half filled jar at this point.
Reason #30: I love how you never give up. Whether it’s in your schooling or for food, you always make sure to fight for your all. You’re so cool!
Yeah, nothing is going to stop him now.
It’s just so nice to know that someone out there sees these things in him, and believes in him. It’s not that Namjoon is inflating his own ego, it’s more like Namjoon is realizing that someone out there genuinely appreciates him for all that he is—both boons and his banes.
He could get used to this feeling.
Beyond that, he also wants to be able to tell this person how amazing they are too. Because surely, no evil person would ever come up with something this sweet. Namjoon doesn’t even know if they’re a boy or a girl, which is fine because he’s bisexual anyways. Moreso, he’s the kind of person who cares more about someone’s personality than their gender. And this alone says so much of how precious and endearing they already are.
He’s more than grateful, and he can’t wait to thank them for making him smile even when he’s about to fall asleep. Ensuring that his dreams are nothing short of pleasant. All because of their thoughtfulness when Namjoon picked up a blue heart from the jar that’s sitting right beside his bedside.
Reason #88: I love the way you laugh. So free and infectious. I could listen to it for my entire life, Joonie. I hope that someday, I could make you laugh just like that too.
Namjoon just keeps on melting and melting with every single heart he picks up.
It’s inevitable. How can Namjoon’s heart not turn into a puddle with every single reason this person has provided. Namjoon even adores the fact that it’s all not deep reasons, some of them quite simplistic. Like that orange heart he got.
Reason #71: I love your dimples, they’re deeper than the craters in the moon. I always resist the urge to poke them because you always look the cutest when they’re out!
See, how freaking cute is that!
But Namjoon also likes the fact that some of them are reasons that he feels like he could hear more of. Some things that he might find himself being insecure of, but now, he feels giddy to know that someone sees them and likes him for it.
Reason #12: I love the way you want to make a change. If you already didn’t know, Joonie, you changed my life. Fighting, Kim Namjoon!
Yeah, even if he and this person don't end up together, Namjoon is keeping this jar to remind himself in the future that someone had once liked him for all of these. This will be his own personal treasure chest.
By the time Wednesday rolled in and he had around thirty more hearts to go, he finally caught the first glimpse of that black heart at the very bottom of the jar. It took everything in him not to pick it up and finally know who is behind this wonderful treasure. But the letter did make him promise to only read it once he’s done with all one hundred reasons. So he keeps his oath.
Friday came sooner than he would have expected, and he has finally unfolded the last reason in the jar. Now, the only thing that’s left is that black heart, that probably held all the answers to Namjoon’s questions.
Picking it up with trembling fingers, Namjoon took a deep breath. Would he perhaps find a name, a photo? Or even if it’s highly unlikely, a note that says this was all a prank? He slowly unfolded it… only to find a number.
If you wish to know who I am, text this number once you’re done. I’ll tell you when and where to meet up with me. See you then, Joonie!
Oh that’s nice. Namjoon didn’t even hesitate to grab his phone. All week he’s been curious, and he genuinely wants to know who this person is. He’s not even scared that this might be a potential kidnapper. Besides, Hoseok seems like he knew them. So Namjoon just wants to find out who they are too.
Sent 7:34 pm
Hi this is Namjoon!
I finished reading the reasons in your jar.
And I want to meet you if you want to 🙈
The first thing Namjoon noticed is that this person isn’t in his contacts. But then again, that would’ve probably ruined their surprise. So now, Namjoon is more curious than ever. Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait too long for their reply. Getting it in less than ten minutes.
Received 7:42 pm
Okay, thank you for wanting to meet up with me :)
This Saturday at 8 pm on the roof deck in yours and Jimin’s apartment. G?
Oh wait, really? That’s tomorrow! And that’s just like six floors above Namjoon. How will this person be able to get in?
Sent 7:44 pm
But how will you get in?
Received 7:45 pm
I have my ways, Joonie 😉
So tomorrow?
Namjoon doesn’t know if he should be scared, but his gut tells him that it’s going to be fine.
Sent 7:47 pm
See you tomorrow evening 💛
Received 7:50 pm
Can’t wait 🥰
Oh and btw bring the black heart with you tomorrow.
So that is how Namjoon ended up squealing on their sofa for the next ten minutes, until Jimin got home and sat on top of him just to get him to stop screaming.
In about twenty four hours, Namjoon will finally meet his secret admirer. What will he do? What will he bring? Jimin volunteered to dress him up for his meetcute tomorrow, and Namjoon decided that he’ll stop by a flower shop to buy a bouquet for this adorable person too.
He can’t wait, he really can’t.
And before he knew it, it’s Saturday and it’s exactly 7:45 pm. He has enough time to reach the rooftop, that is if Jimin and Taehyung would let him go right now.
“Remember Joonie hyung,” Jimin said sternly. “Nothing more than a kiss on the cheek for your first time meeting up. You don’t know them, okay?”
“If they try anything just scream from the roof.” Taehyung was crushing him in a hug. “We promise we’ll come running.”
Namjoon only rolls his eyes. “Guys I am not a thirteen year old. I am nearing twenty five, thank you very much.”
If Jungkook was here, he’d probably be bent over laughing. But alas, he had a project to finish for his own classes. He did promise to stop by later that night.
But Jimin only pretends to wipe a tear. “They grow up so fast.”
Taehyung nods with an exaggerated pout. “That’s teenage sass right there!”
Namjoon sighs as he finally disentangles himself from their arms and their shenanigans. One of his hands is preoccupied with a bouquet of fresh peonies so he’s careful not to ruin them. The black heart is in his pocket, and he’s good to go.
He throws them one last indignant look before they both give him a wet kiss on each of his dimples, and a last reminder to have fun but not too much fun. He smooths out the purple sweatshirt Jimin chose for him, making sure his skinny jeans also looked good before he finally rides the elevator up to their roof.
He’s seven minutes early, and they’re still not here. Which is fine. It gives Namjoon enough time to take a deep breath and calm his own thoughts. He looks at the city view, and is utterly mesmerized by the lights and how busy it is this Saturday evening. He’s nervous but he can’t help but wonder if this person knew how a top view like this helps Namjoon to settle his raging feelings and thoughts. Whatever it is, he’s thankful that they chose to meet here.
In his focused gaze on the busy city in front of him, Namjoon failed to notice the door to the rooftop opening, footsteps slowly creeping up behind him, before a soft voice rang in the air.
“Hi.”
When Namjoon turns around, three things happen chronologically.
First, his eyes widened as it landed on a familiar figure. Shorter than him, but much, much more muscular. He looks smoking hot, especially with the all black outfit he chose tonight.
Second, Namjoon takes a sharp inhale. Not just because of who it is, but because of how beautiful he looked tonight. His face might be red, whether from nervousness or shyness, Namjoon doesn’t know. But he’s glowing, and it’s making Namjoon feel utterly breathless.
Lastly, Namjoon’s lips lift up to form a wide dimpled smile. He’s certain that his eyes are glossy as it crinkled, because oh my god there is no way this is real life.
Standing right in front of him, nervously holding his own bouquet of sunflowers which are Namjoon’s favorite, biting his bottom lip in bashfulness aq, with his cheeks flushed whether from the cold wind or something else, was none other than…
Jeon Jungkook.
“It’s me.”
A heartbeat. Another.
A gust of wind.
A car honks on the highway.
A sharp exhale.
“I knew it.”
Jungkook’s doe eyes widened, as if his gigantic eyes weren’t already big enough to hold the entire universe in those gorgeous orbs. He looked so cute and so surprised. He splutters as he stares at Namjoon, who seemingly found out about his little secret. Namjoon could only giggle fondly as he stepped closer to Jungkook.
“W-what?” Jungkook stammers. “How the, wait, how did you, huh?”
Namjoon laughs again, his heart fluttering so intensely, it’s a wonder it hasn’t leapt out of his chest by now. “How did I know that it was you?”
Jungkook nods, adorably scrunching his eyebrows. “Y-yes.”
“Well first, I immediately recognized the scent you sprayed all over the hearts and the entire jar.” Namjoon couldn’t even stop his smile from widening even if he tried. Not when Jungkook’s face reddened even further. “It’s the perfume I got Taehyung last Christmas.”
Right. Because Jungkook used that to remove all traces of him. He just didn’t know that by doing so, he unintentionally revealed a huge part of his identity. “Oh.”
“Besides,” Namjoon added, because this was truly the giveaway. “I tutored you, Kookie. I know what your handwriting looks like.”
Of course, Namjoon was a writer. He paid special attention to details like that. Plus, Namjoon also knew the way Jungkook wrote, like his literal writing style. It wasn’t that difficult to figure out.
“I—” Jungkook sighs. It takes everything in him not to smack his own forehead. He’s so embarrassed. “I did not think of that.”
“It’s fine.” Namjoon giggles again, utterly fond. “It was cute actually, and if it helps, I only realized it on like the third day. Did Jimin and Taehyung know?”
“Yeah.” Jungkook nods shyly, eyes downcasted to their shoes. He can’t believe Namjoon figured him out that easily. “They helped me come up with this idea too. To confess to you.”
Well then Namjoon would have to give those two shits an Oscar. They were award winning actors. Ten out of ten stars.
For a moment, they are just simply standing there. Jungkook is still shyly looking down, a blush on his face. Meanwhile Namjoon couldn’t even wipe the smile away from his own face, not when his heart is so goddamn endeared at Jungkook’s plush pout and flushed cheeks.
All of a sudden, Jungkook whispers lowly. “Are you disappointed?”
Namjoon’s eyebrows furrowed. “Of what?”
The younger man dares to look up at Namjoon, still biting the corner of his lip in nervousness. “Of the fact that it’s me?”
Oh. Oh no. There’s no way in hell that Namjoon will let Jungkook put himself down like that. Not while he’s here, and not after everything he’s done for Namjoon.
“Am I disappointed at the fact that the person I’m crushing on for a literal year now likes me back?” Namjoon watches with another endeared smile as Jungkook’s face once again morphs into utter surprise. “No, not really.”
If it’s possible for Jeon Jungkook to get any cuter in Namjoon’s book, then this right here takes the crown. “Y-you like me too?” He stammers, lips opening and closing like a fish out of the water. “But w-what? Why?”
“Why?” Namjoon thinks that if Jungkook will allow him, he’ll also make a jar filled with a hundred reasons why he loves Jungkook. Maybe. Someday. He most definitely will. But for now, Namjoon settles for cupping his cheek with his free hand as he spoke. “Because you, Jeon Jungkook, are the sweetest, the absolute kindest, the most thoughtful, and the most beautiful man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Your jar only proves how much of a darling you truly are.”
Oh my god . Jeon Jungkook is about to freaking combust. His crush really did confess to him back. “You really knew it was me?”
To prove it, Namjoon presents to him his bouquet. “Will I be giving you these if I didn’t know?”
As Jungkook stares at the bundle of flowers in Namjoon’s hand, his heart couldn’t help but blossom brighter than these beauties. He’s certain that he’s staring at them with nothing but stars in his eyes, before he looks up at Namjoon with a watery smile.
“Peonies.” He sighs out as he reaches for them, before giving Namjoon his own bouquet of sunflowers. “These are my favorites.”
“Exactly.” Namjoon was originally supposed to get red roses, as the simplest and most casual gift. But his gut truly told him to get peonies instead, because as far as he remembered, a special someone adored them with his entire heart. And he was right.
Namjoon could stare at Jungkook like this forever. The young man sniffed the bouquet he got from Namjoon as he smiled so bright and wide that the moonlight and all the stars in the night sky didn’t even stand a chance. He’s mesmerized with everything about Jeon Jungkook. Namjoon is sure that he looks like a besotted fool staring at his Kookie. But then Jungkook spoke again.
“Hyung?” He asks, snapping Namjoon out of his Jeon Jungkook centered trance. “Did you bring the black heart?”
Namjoon nods, reaching inside his jean pocket. “Ah yes. It’s here.”
“Let me.” He reaches out for the heart and Namjoon gives it to him. But not before Jungkook grabbed something from his own pocket. “There’s actually something else written here.”
“What?” Namjoon asks curiously. He looked it over a million times. “There is?”
“Yeah. It’s in invisible ink.” Apparently, the thing Jungkook got from his own pocket was a light, and when he flashed it over the black heart, there were indeed some letters written that Namjoon hadn’t previously seen before. “Here, read it.”
He hands the heart and the small light to Namjoon, while the dimpled writer couldn’t help but laugh fondly. Leave it to Jeon Jungkook to pull something like this out of his sleeve for his grand finale. Showing him one last trick as if Namjoon’s heart wasn’t already completely captivated by this adorable bunny right in front of him.
Still, he reads first what Jeon Jungkook has written for him.
The grandest reason of all the reasons why I love Kim Namjoon: I love you because you’re you. Perfectly imperfect, the man of my dreams and hopefully, soon to be my reality. I love you, Joonie. I love you because you’re Kim Namjoon. For all that you are, and for all that you will ever be. I love you.
Love, Jeon Jungkook.
There’s no reason for tears to gather in the corner of Namjoon’s eyes. He’s so, so happy, but he’s also feeling so fucking emotional, because oh lord. What right has he done in his past life to receive someone as amazing as Jeon Jungkook in this lifetime? Namjoon is drowning, in so much love and so much fondness, and he just wants to shower Jungkook with the exact same love he’s given his hyung.
“Hyung, I think I began crushing on you the first time I saw you.” Jungkook says once he’s seen that Namjoon has finished reading the black heart. Once again, the nervous look is back on his face. “No. I know I started to like you back then. Which is funny because Jimin and Taehyung said that you asked if I didn’t like you.”
Being reminded of that, Namjoon couldn’t help but laugh. Oh how foolish had he been. He was about to apologize for that, but then Jungkook spoke again.
“Which is insane when I’ve always been so madly and irrevocably in love with you.”
Yup, Namjoon is so in love, he wants to shout it from this rooftop.
“Jungkook-ah,” He wants to say a million things, but instead, Namjoon settles for this. “God, I love you too.”
Words had always been Namjoon’s best friend, but right now, he can’t help but feel as if words are not even enough to explain how fucking in love he is with this man named Jeon Jungkook. It’s not sufficient. Sometimes, Namjoon wished his love was tangible. In that way, he could physically present his heart to Jungkook. And when Jungkook opens it, he’ll see that it’s completely and utterly filled with him and him alone.
Brimming with Jungkook’s eyes, and his award winning smile.
Still though, Jungkook’s eyes adorably widened, utter disbelief evident in them. He knows his hyung said he was crushing on him too, but he didn’t expect Namjoon to actually love him back. “Y-you do?”
Oh god. Namjoon just wants to protect him, keep Jungkook inside his pocket so that he’s Namjoon’s forever. But right now, there’s something else he wants to do.
“Kiss me, Jungkook-ah.” He crouches down a little, gently dropping his bouquet to their side for a moment, Jungkook doing the same. “Please kiss me right now.”
Jungkook’s eyes shine with both wonder and surprise. Oh he wants to do that, he’s been dreaming of doing that for so long. But... “Wait. I wanted to ask you to be my boyfriend first. I also wanted to take you out on a date right now.” But then he bites his lip, as if he’s asking for too much. “That is of course, if you want to.”
As if Namjoon doesn’t already want to give him the world and the next one as well.
“It’s a yes to all of that, Kookie.” He cups Jungkook’s face, pushing them closer to each other. “But please just kiss me right now.”
“Okay.” Jungkook whispers and Namjoon feels it against his lips. He thought Jungkook would finally lean in, but first, he smiles so wide that his neck folds in himself. Burning bright red in both joy and bashfulness. “Sorry, I’m having a meltdown. I’m going to kiss my crush!”
Namjoon giggles along with Jungkook before he corrects him. “Your boyfriend.” He laughs once more when a squeak comes out of Jungkook’s lips now that Namjoon has announced that they’re actually boyfriends. “I’m so fucking in love with you, Kookie. Thank you for loving me this much.”
A million words won’t even be enough to thank Jungkook for his love. But he hopes that this will be enough for now. They still have the rest of forever anyways.
“Anything for you, hyung.” Jungkook finally races his hand to Namjoon’s cheek too. Poking his dimple like how he had always wanted to, seeing as Namjoon cannot stop smiling. “Anything for the man I love.”
When Jungkook finally leans in and closes the distance between them, Namjoon’s entire world stills for one glorious moment.
Jungkook’s lips are utterly soft, as soft as his heart. Namjoon could feel both their smiles as they kissed. There’s no fireworks, nothing explosive. But there is a warmth that begins in Namjoon’s heart that flushes all the way down to his toes. He could feel it, he could taste it. And he wants to do this for the rest of his life.
To kiss Jungkook.
To love Jeon Jungkook.
In conclusion, this is Namjoon’s fourth observation about change: change doesn’t have to be big in order to leave a huge impact.
Sometimes, it could be done on one person alone by a singular human being too, but that change could alter their life forever. Namjoon proves it because this right here is such a small moment, miniscule compared to the rest of the world, yet his life has completely shifted. It’s huge, for him and him alone. All because of one man with sparkling eyes and the most infectious smile.
Change is this—Jungkook’s love in Namjoon's life.
Change is his lips pressed against Namjoon’s own.
Change is that jar, containing a hundred reasons why he loves his hyung, from now until the rest of their lives.
Change is Namjoon giving his heart to Jungkook, with the same promise to take care of Jungkook’s own.
The biggest change in Namjoon’s life was Jeon Jungkook, leaving an impact that can never be contested for as long as he lives—for all that Jungkook is, and for all the stars his doe eyes could ever hold.
And Namjoon would never, ever have in it any other way.
FIN.