Chapter Text
2 months had passed since Mark had woken up from his coma… and since Glomgold had escaped from his child leash attached to the car.
He had been lost on the streets of Duckburg the entirety of the time, having yet to return to his “family”. Having lost all his belongings to the city as “payment” after his dictatorship (to be used as repairs to Duckburg), I guess you could say he was considered fucking homeless.
Glomgold managed to return to Miss Glamour’s a few weeks ago, only to find out that Mark, Boyd and Ellie had moved out to wherever the hell Mark lived. And no, it wasn’t Waddle.
And no, Miss Glamour didn’t let him stay. She kicked that bitch out.
Having lost his shirt in a terrible accident that shouldn’t be explained, Glomgold cockroach crawled through alleyways with his abs and man boobs fully on display. If he was lucky, roaches and rats would spare some pizza for him.
A figure could be seen sitting in a cardboard box by a rusted dumpster. Glomgold being Glomgold decided it would be a good idea to approach whoever it was. It was a small child duckling begging for change in the middle of the alleyway; not the best spot to beg for change but the kid looked starved so his brain cells probably were too.
He was covered in dirt and smelled absolutely horrid. Glomgold had gone down that specific alleyway due to his keen smell, hoping to find rotted food or at least a run over a possum. But no. It was just a stupid, starving homeless kid.
“OY! THE FUCK YOU DOING IN ME TERRITORY!? THIS AREA OF DUCKBURG IS MINE!”
The homeless child with bags under his eyes looked up at Glomgold. He was too tired to have much of a reaction. “Do you have any money to spare, sir?”
“FUCKING NO! I DON’T HAVE A SHIRT! YOU THINK I HAVE MONEY?!” Glomgold looked down to see a half eaten McDonald’s burger next to the kid. It was covered in grime as well and had some bug larvae on it. “YOU GONNA EAT THAT?!”
The kid didn’t know what he was talking about until he looked at where Glomgold was pointing. “My hamburger?...Yes…” He gestured to his showing ribs. “I’m very hungry…”
“Oh...I see…” Glomgold scratched his fake beard. “DON’T CARE! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!” He grabbed that shit and yeeted, leaving the child to cry by the dumpster behind him. He shoved the old McDonald’s burger, and bug larvae, down his throat, swallowing it in one bite. He got on all fours so he could scatter faster just in case cops heard him. “...this is all because of Scroogie….” He whispered to himself despite him having absolutely no reason to blame Scrooge at all. Steelbeak took his power and he was now dead. “Scrooge McFuck is going to PAY!!!!”
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Family therapy had been going well for Mark and his fam, but Boyd was currently on a playdate with Huey so it was his first time having a session with only Ellie and vice versa. It looked like it was about to turn into relationship therapy. Oh boy.
“It’s been a while since our last meeting. How have things been since then?” The therapist clicked her pen, ready to take more notes on this chaotic duo. She had to go to the store and buy more paper pads because they’ve taken up so much of her notes. Like, she literally had a whole notebook with just their meetings. They really needed help.
“I have been working on getting a citizenship and social security.” Ellie started. “...and putting up more lost posters for my Uncle.”
The therapist nodded. “That’s wonderful, Ellie. You’ve come so far already.” She smiled before turning her attention to Mark. “How about you, Mark?”
“Hmmmmmm” Mark had to think about it for a second. “Oh! I’ve been trying my hand at preparing Spaghetti O’s so that’s pretty lit! I drop Boyd off at his little friend’s house whenever he wants and I got a new phone! So yeah overall pretty solid!” Mark always either lost his phone or something happened to it, so he came prepared and bought 17 new phones. If an evil dictator takes it away in the future, he would be prepared.
“I have also requested he takes parenting classes,” Ellie added. “He is attending another one on Wednesday.”
“Yeah, that too! That’s been going pretty well so far. It’s a little boring but whatevs.” Mark shrugged. In the past few therapy sessions, he tried to text and tweet about the sessions. Obviously that’s a no-no. After a while, Mark knew not to be on his phone during the sessions and he’s been getting better at it! He even surprised himself! But Mario Kart was pretty tempting.
The therapist, who’s name was Ms. Kris, nodded while jotting down more notes. She was about to get into their issues again and she wasn’t ready for the shit storm their life was. “Well…” She trailed off before sighing. “Since Boyd isn’t with you two this time around we should dig deeper into your relationship. I’m aware you have had an abundance of issues between one another in the past. So before we get into that, what do you two like about each other?”
Mark and Ellie looked at each other. It was pretty bad but neither of them had any fucking clue and they weren’t going to admit that. Of course they loved one another, but what for was a goddamn mystery. Ms. Kris probably already knew that but whatever.
“He...um… I appreciate that Mark saved my life and I like the swoop of his hair. I also know that he cares for me.”
The therapist stared at her for a minute before scribbling notes down in her notepad. The only noise heard was the clock ticking before she spoke up again. “Alright. And you, Mark?”
Mark was not good at this kind of stuff. If he could text it out or do a cringy Instagram live story talking about it, he would. He cleared his throat. “Well, there’s a lot of things! Uhhh… okay well, first I was the one who built her so you already know that that makes her dope af. She cares a lot about Boyd which is pretty cool too. Ummmm…” Mark scratched his head. “There’s more obviously, but I’m not good at this whole… talking thing.”
Ellie immediately felt bad because despite his short comment he still had more to say than she had.
“Is that all the two of you can think of?”
Neither of them responded.
Ms. Kris gave a “what the fuck” look as she pretended to scribble something on her notepad, she just didn’t want to look at them. “Okay. Well, you two have fought a lot in the past. What issues do you have with one another? Please keep it civil.”
Ellie knew she was going to have to be the one to go first and she really didn’t want to. “Mark… does not listen to my issues outside of therapy sessions. He seems to have trouble comforting me.” She was referring to her many panic attacks since the whole Godgold camp and Steelbeak thing. In fact, she had been shutting down more lately just to avoid thinking about it. “I believe he has trouble picking up on my emotions or empathizing with them. He also called my looks a 6 or 7 compared to other girls on Twitter a few months back and that sometimes bothers me….but he has been being a great father to Boyd!” Ellie added that last part as a quick save, but it was also a straight up lie. A poorly told lie.
Mark fidgeted with his jacket. Boy was straight up not having a good time right now. “Ummm…” He really didn’t want to bring this up but he knew he had to. “Ellie can kiiiiiiiiiiind of be a party pooper? Like, she’s fun to be around for the most part but there’s no denying she has a stick up her ass.” Mark stared at the ground. He could feel the two of them looking at him and it was too threatening and scary for him. UmU.
“...what is that supposed to mean?”
“Ellie, not now.” Ms. Kris stopped her from continuing. “The most reassuring thing I can say is you both are not in the wrong. You both have noticed one another’s flaws, that I have noticed myself, and now it is only a matter of addressing them and learning how to understand those flaws as well as cope with them until the other improves. It’s all about teamwork.” Ms. Kris had no clue why the hell they were together but they were paying her so… “Mark, why do you think Ellie feels that way?”
“Feels what way?” He was practically sweating bullets at this point. He knew that therapy was his idea but he had no idea how awkward it would make him feel.
“...that you have trouble comforting her, listening to her, and empathizing with people…”
“Oh, that! Ummm… I guess it’s beeeeecauuuseeeeeee…” He looked around the room thinking the answer was posted somewhere. “Because I’m on my phone all the time?”
Ellie stared at him. “...no, that is not the reason why.”
The therapist held out her hand. “Ellie. I told you now is not the time. We will address that soon.” Ms. Kris pointed her pen at her. “Why do you think Mark believes you’re uptight?”
“I am not sure.” Ellie started looking around the room awkwardly now too. “Perhaps because I speak rather monotone with the exception of when I am upset…?”
Ms. Kris nodded. “Okay. Mark why don’t you tell her the real reason. Politely please.”
“I guess… hmmm… Well, you never listen to music. Uhhhh… You never really want to go out to raves or dance or do anything like that. You like BOOKS! Like, whatttttt? Crazy amiright?” He air nudged Ms. Kris who was sitting across from him. She wasn’t pleased. He saved himself by putting his hands in his jacket pockets. “Yeah, I guess that’s it.”
Ellie scoffed. “Why on earth would I want to go to one of those idiotic-”
“Now is NOT the time to argue, Ellie! Mark is not arguing with you, now is he?”
Ellie did indeed shut the hell up.
Mark tugged at his hair “Ugh! See?! I don’t want to keep fighting and arguing like this! I thought therapy was going to fix this! I’m just uncomfortable and mad.” Steelbeak was a better therapist than Ms. Kris was in his mind.
“It’s a slow process Mark. You’ve only been seeing me for three weeks and this is your first session alone with one another.” She turned back to Ellie. “And why do you feel the way you do about Mark?”
She sighed. “I have been struggling mentally ever since…” The therapist knew what she was implying so she continued. “He doesn’t seem to notice me struggling and when I try to speak about it with him he is either making Spaghetti O’s or listening to music… sometimes he changes the subject.”
“Okay. I want you both to take a moment and try to understand where the other is coming from. Silently.” The three of them listened to the clock tick for five minutes and Mark felt like he was going to barf. “When was the last time you two were intimate with one another? Or even alone on a date?”
“...we have only been on one date and it ended with me slapping him…” Ellie admitted.
“Yep. We’ve been a little busy with everything that’s been going down, feel? We haven’t had the time, I guess.” Mark added.
The therapist just wanted them out of her office at this point but they still had a good 20 minutes. “Have you two been romantic at all? Or are you simply just raising a child together because that sounds more like a struggling friendship.”
Ellie started panicking and waved her hands. “No! No! We’ve been romantic before! There was this one time during my Uncle Glomgold’s rule. We were in an alleyway while missing the mandatory executions… but we ended up getting interrupted by Steelbeak and sent to Camp Godgold.”
“Yeah!” Mark chimed. “And there was this one time at camp Godgold where we were stuck outside so we went to the beach together. AND one time when we were hiding in my mommy’s house from Steelbeak but we got interrupted by my mom because she wanted to show Ellie an old picture book of me…” The last part was muttered under his breath.
“That’s it? 3 times? And all during the most traumatic events of your life?”
Ellie frowned. “...I kissed his cheek in prison once?”
The therapist started running out of ink in her pen. “It seems to me you two were turning to each other as a sort of coping mechanism. You aren’t used to living a life together under normal circumstances. You’re learning who one another really are in a normal habitat for the first time which is why the relationship hasn’t been moving forward or healing very well.”
Mark nodded. Yep, that sounded about right to him. “So what should we do?”
“Simple. You need to spend more time with each other. Alone. That means without Boyd or Glomgold… if you ever find that old man again.” She said. “I also want it to be a goal for you,” Ms. Kris pointed to Mark. “To consciously listen to Ellie more, and you,” Now she had her attention on Ellie. “To do what Mark wants to do more. And stop scolding one another for how the other person feels. Understood?”
Mark nodded again. He was starting to loosen up a bit more because he knew that the session was almost over. “I think I can do that! Totes!” He gave his therapist a thumbs up.
“I believe I can do so as well.”
Ms. Kris nodded. She took out a pamphlet before handing it to the two of them. “Perhaps you two should look at this.”
Mark took a hold of the pamphlet and gasped “Woahhhhhh, a cruise! Funnnnnn! Are you taking us there as like a field trip or something? Therapy sessions at sea?!”
Ms. Kris wanted to slap Mark almost as much as she wanted to slap Ellie when she started to argue. “No. It is just a suggestion for you two to do on your own time. As a way to spend more intimate time together. It’s cruise season, you know. It could even be a family thing. There are plenty of opportunities to be alone together on a cruise, even if family is included.”
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” Ellie stated. “Do you agree, Mark?”
“Helllll yeah! I can take so many instagram photos!” Mark stood up and struck a pose as if he was taking a selfie on the cruise already. Ellie laughed.
The therapist on the other hand wasn’t amused and sighed. “Your session is up. I’ll see you next week.” One thing is for sure, this woman was going to be drinking lots of wine that night to get through this one.
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“Wow! You’ve been seeing therapy too, Huey?!” Boyd was sitting on the ground alongside Huey. The two of them were playing peaceful mode on Minecraft. They had a killer farm and neither one of them wanted to deal with the stress of having mobs trying to kill them. Huey was currently gathering grown carrots and potatoes from their farm while Boyd was wandering around a nearby village to trade and plant flowers for them.
“Yeah…” Huey smiled. “I think my PTSD is slowly going away…”
“I had no idea you were at that camp too! I would’ve said hi!”
He laughed. “It probably was for the best. I was having… a lot of mental breakdowns.”
Boyd laid a hand on his shoulder. “Aw. That’s okay. I would’ve wanted to help.”
“Thanks, Boyd. You’re a real good friend!” Huey’s inventory was full so he had to put away the potatoes in chests before coming back to continue farming and replanting. “What’s been going on with you? We haven’t hung out in a long time for obvious reasons. Life around here,” Huey gestured around the mansion. “Has been slowly getting back to normal. Neither Louie or my mom were affected by the camp somehow. Or affected by anything…”
“Pretty good! I have two dads, a robot mom, an aunt, and a grandfather or uncle now!”
Huey paused the game. “What? Really? How?! Who?!”
“Well my grandfather or uncle, I’m not really sure what he is, is Glomgold!”
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“Wow… Chili’s was an interesting choice on your half.” Gyro tried to make it a compliment as him and Gloria sat at a booth that had a lot of gum underneath the table. One piece got stuck to his Banana Republic pants. “Is this your favorite place or something?”
Gloria shook her head. “No, I’ve never been to a Chili’s before! I just came here because of the “Hi welcome to Chili’s” guy!” She laughed thinking about that iconic vine. Rip vine. Tiktok is cool but it just ain’t the same.
“...is he a celebrity or something…?”
Gloria looked at him as if he had two heads “You don’t know the Chili’s vine? Vines?”
He gave her a strange look. “What types of vines? Woody vines? Lianas? The Kiwifruit vine? … those aren’t found around here though.”
“Noooooo not like real vines! I mean, “So I was sitting there, barbeque sauce on my titties.”
Gyro, like the incel he was, quickly looked at her chest and then back up at her face. “No you don’t…?”
“Countryyyyy boyyyyyyyy I loveeeeee youuuuu blehhhhhh!” At this point she didn’t even want to explain what she was doing; she just wanted to quote vines.
“Are you- are you messing with me? I thought this was a date.” How Gyro perceived that was a mystery to Gloria.
Gloria laughed again. “Sorry sorry. Okay, vines are basically just small internet videos that people quote. That’s the sole reason why we are at Chili’s!”
“Okay… sorry.” He said with his sassy Gyro attitude. “The only thing I normally talk about with people is robotics and other sorts of science which you are aware of.” He paused for a second. “Hey, as a rocket scientist yourself… you really don’t talk about it much.”
“Well I’m still an intern, remember? I haven’t exactly won a Nobel prize or discovered a cool new element or anything… yet.”
He nodded. “I suppose it’s hard to be as good as me. HEY!”
Gloria jumped. That was the first time Gyro had raised his voice excitedly and wasn’t pissed.
“We should create some sort of invention together!”
“For sure! What do you wanna make?! Do you have something in mind already?” Gloria matched his energy. It was great seeing him, you know, not bitter.
“Oh I have a lot of personal projects but I want it to be something you have in mind as well.” He said. “Like we start from scratch and create a new idea together rather than building something that’s solely my idea.”
Gloria gasped “Could we try to create a lightsaber?! Like, is that even possible?!”
“...” He leaned back in his booth. “You… like Star Wars? Do you not know how insulting that series is to the field of science?”
“You don’t like Star Wars?” Gloria frowned. “But it’s so cool!”
“There is no fire in space!” Gyro thought of his secret Star Wars collection at home. “Of course I don’t like it. But if you want to build a lightsaber, fine, it could be useful in this hellhole of a city. But we aren’t calling it a lightsaber due to copyright.”
“That’s fair. Oh, and I know you like Star Wars deep down. Every nerd does. Don’t deny it.”
“No, I don’t!” He blushed, scratching the back of his head. “I’ll show you my collection sometime but ANYWAY!” Gyro changed the subject before she could comment on that. “This is the first date we’ve been on in awhile. It’s nice.”
Since this is now a romantic comedy and you’re choosing to read it, Gyro took Gloria’s hand and stared deeply into her eyes. Be prepared. There will be a cringey cliche in every chapter. We did our research.
“I can’t remember the last time we’ve spent time together. Romantically, I mean.” Gyro didn’t say that smooth or anything. Just in his usual snarky Gyro way to make this easier to read. “The Chili’s sort of takes the mood away but it was your choice.”
Gloria smiled. “Hey! This Chili’s is romantic as hell! I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” She joked. But she was really thankful for a nice and normal date with just the two of them. She hoped that nothing strange would happen to make the date turn south like the past two did. I mean, for God’s sake, Steelbeak was at their last date!
Gyro didn’t pick up on The Office reference. He watched The Office, trust me, he was just too busy staring into her beautiful eyes. “I hate being all mushy gushy like, ugh, Mark. But you look really pretty tonight.” He complimented. “I think going on that cruise together, alone, and not with literally any of them to cause chaos will be a nice break. I mean, seriously. I know you are friends with Ellie and all… but… the chaos.”
Gloria nodded “Yeah. We haven’t had a break since we first started dating and even before that there was chaos! As much as I like to punch and insult you, it’ll be nice to spend some time alone with you too.”
Gyro ordered both of them some quality Chili’s wine. Yep, that’s a thing now. “You know when I said I liked you because I’m into mean girls? Which is very embarrassing by the way… so let’s forget that happened. I like you for a better reason now. You’re funny and insult people as much as I do. You hate Mark, and the best thing is you’re a fellow scientist who thinks the way I do! For the most part.”
“Okay I guess it’s my turn now and yes I have more reasons to like you other than the fact that you have a cool hat. I said that last time and It was the stupidest thing I think I’ve ever said.” Gloria continued. “Yeah you took the words right out of my mouth. I love the fact that you are just as bitter and sarcastic as I am! Most people don’t find it charming but I think you pull it off! You make sarcasm sexy, Gearloose.” She joked while also giving him a wink. “But on a more serious note, I know you value your brain above all else but after everything we’ve gone through, I think the one thing I love the most about you is your heart. So, thank you.” Gloria smiled, before kissing the top of Gyro’s hand that she was holding.
He laughed. “I know. I’m pretty likeable.” No he wasn’t but he thought he was. He took his hand away from hers to rest it on her cheek. The dirty Chili’s table was pretty large and uncomfortable to lean over but he did it anyway, standing up and everything. He leaned over and kissed Gloria. And he made it a long one because they never got romantic. Gloria wrapped her hands around his neck until he finally broke the kiss, but kept his hand on her cheek. “You still live in that dingy apartment, right? Maybe you should stay with me for a bit again! I mean, not to bring up Mark again…” He cringed. “But Ellie and Mark live together so… but of course you don’t have to.”
Luckily both Gyro’s and Gloria’s places were not torn down during all the chaos from everything that happened months ago! There was a bit of damage but the city handled it...for the most part. Gloria smiled “No no I would love to stay with you! Your place is much nicer than mine… despite the fact that you clearly have a secret Star Wars stash hidden there but I digress. I think it would be fun living with you again.”
“Alright, uh…” Gyro still sucked at romance. “I’ll make sure to clean up the place!”
“Are you two done being romantic and shit?” Another waitress asked. Gyro winced and immediately sat back down in his seat before looking up at the Chili’s waitress. It was a different one than the one that had served the wine.
It was Magica De Spell…
“EXCUSEEEE ME?!” Gyro almost knocked over his red wine onto his white Banana Republic shirt that complimented his pink Banana Republic pants and suspenders. “You tried to kill me that one time and you expect me to be okay with you serving us food?!”
Magica scowled. “Excuse me? Excuse you. I don’t even know who the fuck your twink ass is.”
“YOU THREW ME OUT OF A BUILDING!”
“I THROW A LOT OF DUMB SHITS OUT OF BUILDINGS!” She spat. “Oh boo hoo. Did your shadow hurt you or some shit? Well now I’m working at Chili’s and FUCKING Funzo’s thanks to Scrooge so I can bow down to incells like you. Now what the FUCK do you want to order?”
“You don’t remember me?! I’m Scrooge’s #1 scientist!”
“...oh. Yeah. The one that fails at everything. Yeah I guess I remember you.” She waved her hand, still not giving a shit about him. “Yeah. Listen buddy, when I get my powers back the only thing you have to worry about is pissing yourself. Now, like I said, what the fuck do you want to order?”
“...I’ll have the spicy shrimp tacos with a gluten free shell…” Gyro muttered, crossing his arms.
“We don’t have gluten free so fuck you.” She jotted his order down. “And you, you poor soul who is for some reason with this man?”
“Umm… Could I have the black bean and veggie fajitas, please?” Gloria wasn’t sure what the fuck just happened. She wasn’t in town when the whole Moonvasion and Shadow War thing went down.
“Sure. Whatever. Do you want an appetizer or some more gay ass wine or can I leave now?”
“Yeah. Just go.” Gyro demanded.
She flicked him off before leaving.
“God! I can’t get a break! I was trying to make out with you!”
“Is she a friend of yours?” Gloria joked.
“If you consider someone who tried to destroy Duckburg then threw you out the top story of the money bin a friend, sure.” He muttered. “She’s a goddamn witch who lost her powers and is now a low life that gets off by insulting people and working shitty jobs. I’m absolutely above her.” Gyro only said that out loud because he needed to hear it. Her insults actually got to him. It was very embarrassing in front of Gloria. He took her hand again. “Needless to say, I think our date is going wonderful so far despite the interruption.”
Sudden scattering could be heard approaching the table. “OY!” Someone shoved Gloria into the wall and sat next to her. Her hand was ripped away from Gyro’s from the sudden push.
There, now sitting at the booth, was a shirtless, filth covered Glomgold. “IT’S YOOH! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU BITCHES IN MONTHS!”
Gloria shoved Glomgold back but his fat little body didn’t budge. “Glomgold?! What the fuck?! What are you even doing here? Leave!”
“YOU CANNAE TELL ME WOT TO DO, GLADIS!” He yelled, shoving a finger in her face. It almost went up her nose. Or beak nose? Whatever. “I saw you two through the window and I wanted FOOD! So give me FOOD! I had to steal some stupid kid’s McDonald’s today. Some fat shit.” He was referring to the starving homeless child.
“If we give you food will you promise to run back into the woods or wherever the hell you came from?!”
“NOOOO!” Throwing his head back, he let out an ungodly scottish groan. “I DUNNO WHERE ROBO BABEH ISSSSSS SO I CANNAE LIVE ANYWHERE!”
Gyro was staying silent. He really wanted to punch something. Glomgold’s face looked pretty appetizing to his fist.
“SO IMMA STAY UNTIL YOOH TWO BUY ME FOOD AND TAKE ME TO ROBO BABEH!” Glomgold’s scent had infiltrated the entire restaurant. Other people started coughing. Meanwhile, he took out his handy dandy red sharpie and started drawing on the table. There wasn’t paper on top of the table so he was straight up drawing on the wooden table and Gloria’s arm since it was right there.
“Glomgold if you don’t fucking leave I swear to god!” Gloria started but Glomgold quickly interrupted her, poking her with his sharpie.
“WOT DO YOU THINK YOOH COULD DO, STOOPID GIRL!? I AM FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD! I HAVE ABS OF STEEL!” He wiggled his tummy. “NOW BUY ME FOOD!”
Gyro turned to Gloria. He had laid his hand on his fist long ago. “I think we need to hand him back over to Ellie after our… date…” It sure as hell wasn’t a date anymore.
“EWWWWW YOU GUYS ARE ON A DATE?! GROSS!” Glomgold started to draw a doodle of Gyro with stink lines coming off of him. He figured the smell was coming from Gyro and not himself.
“... we can continue our date at my house, Gloria…” He sighed. “Let’s just… feed this thing.”
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