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No sooner had Wei Wuxian crumpled the letter and thrown it to the other side of the cave in a rage than he was rushing after it with remorse, feeling the floor in the dark for the missive, and clutching it to his chest protectively, breathless.
Wei Ying, will you not come?
His sister had given birth to a boy, but it was Lan Zhan's hand, his elegant, distinct handwriting that asked him to come, invited him to a party full of people he hated, who hated him. Wei Wuxian wanted desperately to say yes.
"Don't be a fucking child," he said aloud to the empty cave. He was drunk.
"Ah Lan Zhan, there's nothing I would like more than coming to you."
He hadn't seemed his shijie in over a year, since before her wedding. He thought that door was forever closed, but now he had in his hand a piece of paper inviting him back, to see his family, to see Lan Zhan.
Slowly, reverently, he smoothed out the piece of paper and stared at the dark, rich ink. If he closed his eyes, he could almost smell Lan Zhan on it. He could see him, back straight, drawing the lines on the paper, calling Wei Wuxian to him.
He laughed bitterly in the dark.
He couldn't go. Not now, not ever. It was too dangerous. He might have been able to, before, but not anymore. Not now that he knew.
Perhaps 'knew' was too strong a word. Wei Wuxian had heard rumours before, old tales of people like him. But had never paid them any heed, not until Lan Zhan had gone and kissed him without any ceremony, without asking, and made Wei Wuxian his own. Never had Wei Wuxian tasted something so sweet, so intoxicating. Even now, so long since they'd met, he could still taste the memory of it on his tongue.
He could still feel, also, the terrifying realization he might never be able to stop kissing Lan Zhan. That tearing himself away might just be impossible, that he might have to hold him and keep him, to keep on tasting him, forever.
He didn't know what could have happened if they hadn't been interrupted, if there hadn't been a flok of murderous Jins coming after him. He didn't want to know. He could never be in such closeness to Lan Zhan again, not if it means he could harm him, do things to him he doesn't want to do.
Will you not come?
Fuck, but still, he wanted to, maybe just to smell him, to breath the same air as him. Perhaps with a swarm of Jins around, with both their brothers, they could be safe. He couldn't hurt Lan Zhan if someone stronger than him was there to stop him. But who, in this world, could truly overpower him.
Lan Zhan, his brain helpfully supplied.
It was true that up until then, Lan Zhan had been the only one who could match him, his equal in every way. But when we kissed, when I pushed and pulled him, when I felt I might eat him alive, he never stopped me. Could it be that Lan Zhan had never understood the danger he was in? Wei Wuxian had heard though that it was not uncommon for those like him to physically overpower those like Lan Wangji. Perhaps their nature would be their downfall. Wei Wuxian could not risk it.
Who else, then?
The morning after, he asked for Wen Ning.