Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Ah-ah! No.” Jason caught Lian’s hand in his own, deceptively gentle in spite of the crease between his brows and the downward curve of his lips. “We talked about this, Princess.” 

Lian puffed out her cheeks, but nodded. Jason let her slip her hand out of his and drop it back to the table with a passive-aggressive thud. 

“What? You wanted them painted. You can’t have it both ways, kid.” 

Lian continued to puff her cheeks out at him. 

“Fine, whatever. Want a popsicle?” 

Lian brightened. “Lemonade?” she asked. 

“Maybe. I don’t know if there’s anymore lemonade pops in the freezer.” 

Lian tilted her head one way, and then the other, thinking it over. “Orange is okay, too,” she said. 

“I happen to know that you like all the popsicle flavours, but sure, let’s pretend you’re extremely picky about popsicle flavours,” Jason pushed his chair back and got up. “God, we’re lucky your dad is as weak as I am to your stupid pouting, otherwise I’d probably be in trouble for giving you a popsicle before dinner.” 

“Jayjay,” Lian snorted. “You buy  ‘ ganic   pa’sicles. Daddy always bought the big box with the bright tube pa’sicles. I’m p sure you’d get ‘orself in trouble ‘fore Daddy gets you in trouble.” 

“‘P sure,’ huh?” 

“Pity sure?” 

Jason chuckled. “Close enough.” He returned to his spot and held a popsicle just out of Lian’s reach. “What are we  not  going to do, Munchkin?” 

“Munch King,” Lian said. 

“Munch King,” Jason amended. 

“’M not gonna suck my thumb, cuz my nails’re painted n’ that’s not good. I mean.” Lian tipped her head one way, then the other, kicking under the table. “I mean... s’ not good for me to have paint in my mouf.” 

“Right.” Jason opened the popsicle and offered it to her. Usually, he’d have a tray or two of juice popsicles in the freezer, but he hadn’t been around for most of the week (Bat shit kept him away) and both of the trays were empty. At least Roy had had the decency to put them through the dishwasher. In the meantime, organic lemon-, lime-, and orangeade popsicles could be bought in little six-packs from a place around the corner, and that just about met Jason’s standards for what he could, in good conscience, give Lian to eat. 

Lian squealed and shoved as much of the popsicle into her mouth as she could, her mouth not quite closing around the part of it that she was gnawing at. She wasn’t a popsicle biter, either, which didn’t bode well for her new Mulan shirt. 

Jason winced. She was going to be a sticky little monster in no time. But at least she wasn’t putting nail polish into her mouth. 

The front door opened, then slammed shut. Jason eyed a frame on the near wall until it stopped shuddering ominously, then stood. “I’m gonna go help your dad with groceries, okay, kiddo? You keep—yeah.” He motioned to her, her popsicle, and her crayons-and-paper setup at the kitchen table. 

“Kay,” she said around her popsicle. 

Jason rounded the corner – it wasn’t a big apartment by any means – to find Roy gnawing on the inside of his cheek and propping his phone up to his ear, listening. Roy’s expressions was frustrated in that way that usually meant “Oliver.” 

Roy glanced up at Jason, smiled at him – Jason's stupid-ass heart did that stupid-ass flip it always did – and then returned his attention to his phone call, which seemed mostly one-sided, so far. Jason took the smile as invitation to grab paper bags from Roy. 

“Hey, look,” Roy tried to break in. Then sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling as his attempt to break in clearly went ignored. 

Jason carried the groceries to the kitchen. 

“No, hey. Look, it’s fine. We all get busy!” Roy was saying. “Stop apologizing!” 

Jason had a feeling they’d just lost a babysitter. A vindicative little part of him, tainted a bit green even after all this time, told him that this was proof that he couldn’t trust the Replacement to get anything done. But a more rational part of Jason realized that Tim, much like every other nosy member of the family, loved babysitting Lian. Tim was probably injured or had been called in, in an emergency capacity. 

Besides, Tim seemed to have a problem saying “no” when people asked for things. He was clearly a people-pleaser (and his parents had obviously been narcissistic assholes, for Replacement to turn into the self-destructive, over-achieving, self-preservation-lacking people pleaser he was). 

“Looks like it might be another night in, kiddo,” Jason plopped the bags of groceries on the half of the table not taken over by Lian’s crayons and construction paper. 

Lian frowned around her melting popsicle at him, then popped it out of her mouth. “But you n’ Daddy have a res-fer-vay... a rest-er-v—... dinner plans!” 

“Reservation,” Jason offered. 

“Yeah!” Lian pointed her goldenrod crayon at him. “That!” 

Jason shrugged. “Things happen.” 

Lian gasped theatrically (something she’d picked up from Dickhead), “Did Uncle Timmy get sick?!” 

“Uncle?” 

“Yeah, Uncle Timmy,” Lian said. “Did he get sick?” 

“How’s Replacement your uncle, kiddo?” 

Lian rolled her eyes. It was a lot of attitude from a four-year-old with popsicle running down her chin and hand. “Because he’s your brother!” 

Jason had a flashback to returning home, late, a few days before, and a sleepy Lian nestled against a sleepy Roy on the couch, waiting up for him. Lian had looked at him with drooping eyelids and told Roy ‘Daddy’s home’ as if it were perfectly normal for her to call Jason ‘Daddy.’ She’d never called him that before, though. 

Jason cleared his throat. “Uh. Fair enough,” he said. He set about micromanaging the nearest cabinet until his emotions stopped flip-flopping over themselves. 

In the meantime, Roy walked into the room and set a noisy kiss on Lian’s sticky cheek. “Ooh, how’d you get a treat before dinner, kiddo?” he asked. “I thought Someone made a no pre-dinner treats rule!” 

“Jayjay is tied ‘round my finger,” Lian said. Smartass. 

“Aren’t we all,” Roy set a kiss in her hair, then turned to Jason. “Tim can’t do it, tonight,” he said. 

“I figured. What happened?” 

“Punctured lung,” Roy dead-panned. “He’s out of commission for two whole months.” 

“Jesus,” Jason laughed, incredulous rather than vindicative. “What the hell?” 

“Yeah.” 

“So. Should I call to cancel or you? Or ro-sham-bo for it?” 

“No, no. Um, Dick offered to babysit in Tim’s place.” 

“What? I thought he had a date night with  Wallace  tonight.” 

“Yeah,” Roy grinned down at Lian. “Do you remember Walls?” he asked. 

Lian tilted her head and thoughtfully stuck her popsicle back in her mouth. “Y...es?” 

“Red hair, freckles. Super fast?” Roy prodded. 

She popped the popsicle out of her mouth. “Speedy! Yes!” She threw her hands in the air. A few drops of popsicle abandoned ship. 

“Speedy,” Jason laughed. 

Roy wrinkled his nose. “Sure. Speedy.” He turned back to Jason. “Well. It’s not like I don’t already know Wally—” 

Jason groaned. “Oh, god, I hate that guy.” 

“Jason, come on,” Roy grinned softly. “You don’t hate him.” 

“Yes! I do! He fucking—” Jason stopped and glanced sharply at Lian, who was already looking back at him with wide eyes. She mouthed the word carefully. Oh no. They’d already had this exact problem  twice,  though luckily never at Lian’s preschool. “I mean,” Jason took a deep breath and turned back to Roy. “He texts me every other day. Good morning or good night or some sh—stuff.” 

Roy smiled behind his hand. 

“It’s not funny! I got rid of my last four burners to try n’ lose him, but  Dick  keeps giving him my new number! It’s driving me nuts!” Jason closed the cupboards with a little more force than necessary. “Something’s wrong with that guy, Roy.” 

“I dunno, he seems chill to me,” Roy didn’t stop smiling, though he did stop hiding it behind his hand. 

“That’s the problem! He’s  too  chill, Roy. People aren’t  chill  when they receive death threats. People aren’t  chill  when Batman’s whole child army creeps on them. He needs, like, therapy or something.” 

“Oh my god.” 

Jason scowled at him. 

“Oh, come on, you gotta see how ironic that was, Jay!” 

Lian was ping-ponging her gaze between Roy and Jason, enthralled. 

“Shut up,” Jason ran a hand down his face. “I just don’t like him.” 

“Well. He and Dick—” 

Jason tilted his head back and groaned. “No! I don’t want him in the house! Especially not with Dick! They’ll get their sappy soulmate-cooties everywhere.” 

“Aww, you think they’re soulmates?” 

“Stop twisting my complaints into compliments!” 

Roy laughed again. “They’ve offered to sit for Lian,” he managed to finish. “And I’m just going to call Dick and tell him that we’d  love  that. Then we don’t have to cancel  our  date, and Lian gets the attention she clearly deserves.” 

“Can’t we just Zeta to Star and have  your  family sit for us?” 

“They have next weekend,” Roy said. 

Jason frowned, but plopped himself into a seat next to Lian. “Fine, but if Dick rots Babygirl’s teeth, I’m going to take his.” 

“Oof, violent,” Roy said. Though he said it with the casual air of someone who knew that the threat was largely empty. 

-- 

Jason was still knelt in the bathroom, playing mermaids with Lian while Lian was in the bath, when Wally arrived. 

Dick was working until six, but the reservation Jason and Roy had was for five-thirty. Wally, though, offered to be there by five, so that Roy could walk him through whatever needed to be walked through, before Lian was left in his care. 

Jason, albeit begrudgingly, had to admit that Wally was putting his best foot forward, as someone who’d only met Lian two or three times and was babysitting for the first time. 

“Ugh! Send him home!” Jason called. 

“Stop trying to unfriend my friends, Jason,” Roy gave Jason the stink eye as he passed the open bathroom door on his way to the front door. 

“I’m just trying to unfriend Dick’s friends!” Jason shot back. 

“It’s the same friend-group, asshole!” 

Jason rolled his eyes, then focused back on the mermaid dolls. All of them were early mermaid Barbies, from the 90s and early 2000s, which he’d scrounged up from garage sales, secondhand shops, and flea markets. The searching, upon Lian hitting her mermaid phase, was absolutely worth it to keep the glittery shit and mystery box “colour reveal” shit out of the house. His doll was some generic Barbie Mermaid Fantasy doll from the early 2000s, Lian’s current favourite – and star of the hour – was a ‘97 Ariel (original fin, but some random Barbie tee shirt instead of her actual top). Even Disney Store Ariel was second to 1997 Ariel, in Lian’s collection, in spite of the former’s better sculpt... 

God, Jason had done too much doll research. How were these things still even in his head? 

Lian gave Jason a long, sober look, recognizing the swear word. “Asshole,” she whispered. 

Jason glanced at her sharply. “Don’t you start.” 

She grinned at him. 

He glared right back. 

“Asshole. Asshole!” 

Of course, Jason’s glare meant nothing to Lian. She knew he was basically toothless. Jason sighed aggressively, then shouted over his shoulder, “Roy! You owe the swear jar, now! She just said asshole, asshole!” 

Lian splashed. “Asshole!” 

Distantly, Jason heard Roy greeting Wally, laughter in his voice. “Lian’s in the bath,” he said. “She should be out soon, though.” Wally must have given him a look of some kind, because Roy was very quickly adding on, “She’s not alone or anything! Jay! Say hi to Wally!” 

“No!” Jason shouted back. 

“See? Don’t look so worried.” 

“I didn’t know you had someone, like, here, with you,” Wally said. 

Jason plucked Lian out of the bath and wrapped her in the fluffiest available towel. “Looks like it’s time to put clothing on.” 

“I wanna be naked!” Lian said. 

Distantly, Jason heard Roy laughing. “Are you serious,” he asked. “He’s always here. Wally, he lives here.” 

“What? Since when?” Wally asked. 

Jason kept his attention on Lian. Mostly. “No, you don’t,” he said. 

Lian pouted. “Yes, I do.” 

“You’ll be cold,” Jason countered. 

“Wally, he’s been living with me for like two years. Have I seriously never told you?” Roy asked. It sounded a bit less muffled, since Jason and Lian had exited the bathroom, but still distant enough that Jason felt he could ignore their ‘guest’ for a little longer. 

Lian scrunched her face up thoughtfully. “Fine. But I wanna wear  your  shirt.” 

“You’ll drown in it, kiddo.” 

Wally was expressing his surprise, still, but being even less verbose about it. 

“I mean, I guess we’re kinda private about it—did Dick not tell you, either?” 

“Why would Dick tell me?” Wally asked 

Lian started to squirm, trying to get out of his arms, in retaliation to what sounded like a no. “Then I wanna be naked!” she said. 

“Kiddo, come on. Compromise,” Jason wrangled her into her room. 

“Nooo!” Lian squealed. “I wanna wear Jayjay’s shirt!” 

“How about you wear one of my shirts to bed,” Jason reasoned. “Here, look. What about that princess dress you got Grampa Ollie to buy for you?” he motioned to her closet, which had been divested of its door after the first time Lian had watched Monster’s Inc., inside the closet was a pink princess dress with skirts of pink, purple, and blue tulle. Jason thought it was butt ugly, but knew better than to say that to Lian, who was enamoured with the thing. 

Lian stopped flopping around and quieted, thoughtful again. 

Wally and Roy were disturbingly quiet for a long moment that stretched into Lian’s thoughtful silence. Then Roy made a “huh” noise. “I dunno. I guess I figured Dick would be all over it – I mean. He was pissed when I started seeing him, actually, but he’s overprotective like that.” 

Ah, shit. Jason pinched the bridge of his nose. No one had actually told Wally, had they? 

“Okay,” Lian hopped off her bed, almost startling Jason. “Princess dress.” She wandered over to her dresser and pulled out underwear and mismatched socks for herself. Picking out her own clothing was something she’d come to deeply enjoy doing, as a “big girl.” Jason let her trip her way into her underclothes as he picked the stupid dress off its hanger to put on her. 

“Let me guess,” Jason said. “You just wanna show off your new dress to Dick, huh?” 

“Uncle Dee!” Lian squealed. 

“Yeah, him,” Jason rolled his eyes, albeit fondly. 

“I’ve never actually seen Dick pissed,” Wally said. 

“You’ve never seen him when one of his siblings started dating someone five years older than them,” Roy snorted. 

“That’s. Specific?” Wally said. 

Jason got Lian all dressed up (admittedly, the garish dress looked really cute on her), then propped her up on his hip and went to join Wally and Roy in the living room. “It’s specific for a reason, dumbass,” Jason said. 

“Dumb. Ass.” Lian stuck her finger in her mouth. For all of a second before Jason gently pulled her hand away. “Oops,” Lian grinned gappily at Jason. “Sorry.” 

“Yeah, no nail polish in your mouth, Princess,” Jason reminded. 

“So, you’re the live-in boyfriend,” Wally grinned and hopped to his feet, offering a hand. 

Jason frowned at him, long enough for it to get awkward and Wally to visibly consider dropping his hand. 

“Jay,” Roy huffed, amused. 

Lian leaned forward, so much so that Jason had to shuffle her weight to keep from dropping her, and took Wally’s hand herself. “Hi, hi, hi!” she said. “You’re dating Uncle Dee now, yeah?” she shook his hand vigorously, even from the awkward angle. “That makes you Uncle Walls now!” She straightened, squealing, “Now all’s I need’s a baby brother or baby sister! I gots all the uncles! And aunts!” 

“Oh, god,” Jason made a face. “Princess, this apartment’s a bit small for a sibling.” 

Lian quieted for a long moment. Then nodded. “Then... Li’l Terry?” she suggested. 

“Deal,” Jason deadpanned. “You can play with Terry instead.” 

“Uncle Dee, huh?” Wally glanced at Roy. “Does she have an Aunt Donna, too?” 

“Uh, no,” Roy gave him a bemused smile. 

“Isn’t she... pissed about that, then?” Wally started to look even more confused. 

“Dick’s my brother, dumbass,” Jason said. 

Lian squealed again. “Dumbass!” 

Wally, though, looked up at Jason like he’d just been told that, no, actually, the world really is flat. “But...” he stopped and thought it through. Then turned to Roy.  “You  used to date Dick?” 

“He’s not as dumb as he looks!” Jason praised. Sarcastically. Then he made a face. “Don’t remind me about the time my boyfriend dated my brother. I’ve been trying to forget about that since it was actively happening.” 

Roy put his hands on his cheeks. “Aww, Baby Jason had a crush!” 

“Oh, gross. Don’t remind me.” Jason shifted Lian to his other hip. 

“Wait,” Wally frowned. “But then... you...” he pointed at Jason. 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“You’re the  Red Hood .” 

“Yes.” 

“Roy! You’re dating a crime lord!” Wally said. “A crime lord lives in your home!” 

“Ex crime lord,” Jason muttered. 

“Though, yeah. I mean. I started seeing him before that whole... thing... stopped being a thing. So you’re not wrong,” Roy shrugged. “What? Your little hero morals too black and white to accommodate the idea of a hero who kills?” 

“Uh...” Wally tilted his head. “No? I just. It’s surprising. I just—is  he  Lian’s godfather?” 

“Yeah!” Roy brightened. “But I might be in the market for a new one, soon. I mean. He could be both, sure, but if I’m going to coerce him into being a permanent, official member of the household, then I could totally pin someone else with the godparent role!” 

“Did you just indirectly propose?” Jason asked. 

“No, I indirectly alluded to possible future proposal,” Roy said. 

Wally covered his mouth. “Oh man, you guys are cute,” he said. 

Jason scoffed, then dropped Lian into Wally’s lap, mostly to watch him scramble to accommodate the sudden existence of a small being in his personal space. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere. It’s a bitch to move books from place to place.” He motioned to the shelves of classic novels, which Roy had built, one day, and left empty until Jason had gotten the hint. 

Lian threw her fists in the air, narrowly missing the speedster’s nose. 

“I like your dress,” Wally said. 

“Grampa Ollie got it for me!” Lian wiggled happily. She pointed to the little comb tiara in her hair. “Grampa B got this one! It’s real diamons!” 

“She asked for real diamonds and the bastard actually bought her a tiara with real diamonds in it,” Jason confirmed, unimpressed. 

“It’s how he shows his love,” Roy said. 

“Whatever. It just stresses me out that a four-year-old wears that to the fucking playground,” Jason deadpanned. 

Lian gave him the Eye, like she’d done in the kitchen, earlier. “Fuck,” she said. 

Jason ran a hand down his face. 

“Now who owes the swear jaw?” Roy asked. “And anyway, if she loses it, Bruce’ll probably just buy her another.” 

Jason held his tongue, just barely, but he wasn’t thinking about accidental tiara loss at all. He was thinking about the kind of people who might see real diamonds on something and decide that they wanted it. But then again, when was Lian not with a literal vigilante, crown or no? Almost never. And she didn’t wear the stupid tiara to preschool, thank god. 

“Whatever,” Jason said. “Can we go?” 

“You’re not gonna change?” Roy gave an amused smile. 

Jason glanced down at himself. Right. Bathwater splashes. He glared at Roy, then turned and stalked away to change his shirt. He was relatively satisfied with how Wally continued to converse with Lian, asking her about her favourite things and stuff, but that didn’t mean he was fully at ease with leaving Lian with him. 

Yeah, yeah. He knew he was a bit overprotective. But that was Roy’s little girl. That was  his  little girl. 

And there his stomach went again, doing its stupid little flip. 

Chapter Text

“She’s going to be bouncing off the walls when we get back. Not in bed. Dick can’t resist her puppy eyes and you know it.”  

“He has backup this time!”  

“Wally’s just as bad!”  

“Oh please, you’ve never actually met him.”  

“He’s texted me ‘good morning’ every day for the last six months! He sends my pictures of  sunsets,  Roy! I literally threatened his life and he sends me pictures of  sunsets!  There’s something wrong with him, I swear.”  

“Yeah, I know. He’s a do-gooder type, like your big brother. Or Superman. You know how hard it is for people like them to resist a difficult case, don’t you?”  

Jason scowled and raised Lian a bit higher on his hip. “If they rot her teeth, I’m going to take it out of their hides.”  

“Oh my god, what are you? A frontiersman? Out of their hides—who talks like that?” Roy snickered. “Anyway, Dick’s working until six, Wally said he could be here by five, though, so we can make our six-o'clock reservation.”  

“Can’t we just eat in?”  

Lian popped her thumb out of her mouth. “No!”  

“No?” Jason scowled down at her. She scowled right back, though. She’d figured out pretty quick that Jason was basically toothless when it came to her. “What do you mean ‘no,’ Princess?”  

“Uncle Dee!” Lian said. “I was promised!”  

“Listen to the lady, Jaybird,” Roy said. “Besides. Dick has no idea where you hide the candy stash. How’s he going to rot her teeth if he doesn’t know where we keep the sugar?”  

“You know damn well that he brings candy specifically to ply her with.”  

“Uncle! Dee!” Lian shouted. She was admittedly cranky from her late nap, as four-year-olds tend to be.  

“Honey, we talked about this,” Roy smiled, bending to meet her at eye-level. “We don’t shout when we want things. We use our words.”  

“Fuck!”  

“Not those words,” Roy said, trying hard not to laugh. That one had been Jason’s fault. Granted, Roy was the one who’d moved the coffee table that Jason had run into, so maybe it was a little bit Roy’s fault, too. And he’d definitely laughed too many times at Lian’s parroting to properly break her from that particular habit. At least she didn’t say it at preschool. “You know better, Baby.”  

Lian gave a much older child’s beleaguered sigh, throwing her head back. Jason adjusted his grip to accommodate her dramatics. “Go do dumb mushy things with Jay, Daddy. Uncle Dee promised me the dragon movie. I want the dragon movie!”  

“And the candy that bastard always brings,” Jason muttered.  

Lian looked up at him with bright, innocent eyes, like she hadn’t the faintest idea what Jason meant. It was all subterfuge, though. She knew what he was talking about. “Candy?” she asked. “What candy?” Lian was bright. And clever. And mischievous.  

“Mm-hm.” Jason gave her his best unimpressed look.  

“Oh. That candy,” Lian said. She grinned at him, gap in her teeth on full display.  

“Yeah. ‘That’ candy.”  

Before the moment could continue further, a tight, quick rap came at the door. A bit too quick, really. Roy disappeared around the corner to get it while Lian and Jason continued to face off. Maybe Jason needed a nap, too, if he was going to get on a toddler’s level in arguments... not that Roy would say it out loud.  

“Ugh, send him home!” Jason called.  

“Stop trying to unfriend my friends, Jason!” Roy called back.  

“I’m just trying to unfriend Dick’s friends!”  

“It’s the same friend-group, asshole!”  

Lian gave Jason a long, sober look, recognizing the swear word. “Asshole,” she said.  

“Roy! You owe the swear jar, now! She just said asshole, asshole!”  

“Wow,” Wally said, from around the corner. “You guys are kind of terrible. Hi, Roy.”  

“Wall-man!”  

Jason tilted his head back and groaned.  

Lian threw her hands in the air. “Asshole!” she repeated.  

“She’s really rebellious right after naps. And cranky. And we let her sleep too long. It’s been a Day, capital D.” Roy walked back into the kitchen, where Lian and Jason had continued their glaring contest at each other. “Jaybird, she’s  four,  be the grown-up.”  

“She knows what she’s doing,” Jason muttered.  

“Asshole,” Lian whispered.  

“Listen, Princess. I will take away your veggie  squeezies  and give you cauliflower and broccoli for the next week if you keep this up.”  

Lian gave an affronted gasp. “No!”  

“Yeah, you want your pear-spinach crap? Too bad. Little Ladies with bad mouths don’t get disguised veggies, do they? Broccoli, Princess. Think about it.”  

They glared at each other for another long moment, then Lian turned to Wally, who she’d only met once or twice. She gave him the most pitiful pout. “Jayjay’s  gonna  give me  broccoli!  He’s  gonna  poison me!”  

“Wow, she’s really dramatic, huh?” Wally smiled softly at Lian.  

“I’m right here!” Lian whined. She hated being spoken of as if she wasn’t there, even at her young age.  

“Dick’s one of her primary babysitters. She’s learning her dramatics from him, I know it,” Roy tapped her nose, which she scrunched up. She did her best not to smile, but the nose boops always seemed to get her.  

Meanwhile, Jason scoffed. “Oh please. Who decided to demonstrate the flamethrower on our shower curtain,  while I was in the shower,  because he was too excited to wait and show it off later? She clearly gets it from you, Harper.”  

“Isn’t that, like, your sister’s name?” Roy asked.  

“She’s  Row , obviously.”  

“Right.” He turned to Wally. “She’s Row. Obviously. Glad I get to keep ‘Harper’ and live out my unrealistic nemesis expectations, as set forth by Draco and Harry.”  

“Oh god, I don’t want to hear about your ‘ships’ or whatever,” Wally wrinkled his nose.  

“They had so much chemistry!” Roy said. He pointed at Jason. “Jay agrees with me.”  

Jason scowled. “No, I said they have more chemistry in the book. I said nothing about—you know what I meant. That’s not even fair. The movies don’t show the depths of any of the character relationships. They’re good, the books are better. That was all I was getting at. Not your weird  Drarry  fixation.”  

“See? He even knows the ship name.”  

Wally sighed. “Okay. Whatever you say. I just don’t get it.”  

“That’s because you’re boring and do nerdy science things,” Roy waved him off.  

“Engineering is a science, Roy,” Jason said.  

“Eng’neerin’ is a science, Daddy,” Lian parroted.  

Wally grinned at both of them. “I thought she’d be more like you, Roy. But looking at the two of them...”  

“I’m right here!” Jason and Lian both glared at Wally.  

“Yikes!”  

“I mean, Jason  does  live here.”  

“Oh.” Wally blinked a few times.  

“He’s lived here for, like, two years,” Roy hid a smile. “Did I really fail to mention my boyfriend to you? For two years?”  

“I knew you were seeing someone, but two  years?”  he turned to Jason.  ”I  don’t even know your name—I mean—I do now, but I didn’t. But. Uh. Hi, I’m Wally,” he offered his hand.  

Jason glanced at his hand, then just narrowed his eyes at Wally.  

“Right. Wally, Jason. Jay, Wally. Lian, you remember Wally, right? He’s dating Uncle Dee, now.”  

“I ‘emember.”  

“Right.” Wally dropped his hand. “You’re—he's  kinda  intense, huh?” Wally glanced nervously at Roy.  

“He’s just pissed about the texts.”  

“What?”  

“Oh.” Roy blinked at Wally a few times. Then at Jason. “Oh my god, you never told him, did you?”  

“Told me what?” Wally asked.  

“Fuck no. I do my best to avoid talking about my personal life, let alone with one of Dick’s ‘special friends,’” Jason turned away. “You can show him the dinner shit, I’m  gonna , I  dunno , change Lian into comfy jammers.”  

Lian kicked her legs. “I want a princess dress!”  

“Or maybe a princess dress,” Jason amended.  

“I can’t believe neither of us told him!” Roy said. “Or Dick! What the hell! Hey, wait... swear jar, Jason! We’re not supposed to say the fuck word around her!”  

“Fuck word,” Wally laughed. “Wait—what didn’t you tell me? What didn’t Dick tell me?”  

“Uh. That’s...” Roy motioned where Jason had gone. “That’s Dick’s brother, Wally.”  

“What?”  

“Yeah.”  

“And... texts.”  

“Yeah.”  

“That’s... wait. Wait.”  

Roy nodded.  

“Roy.”  

Roy continued to nod.  

“Roy, are you dating a  crime lord?”  

Roy opened his mouth to respond, but – Bats, you know?  “Ex  crime lord, thanks,” Jason said, making Wally jump at least a foot in the air. Jason was back, already (obviously), Lian changed into her  floofiest  princess dress, all pink and purple tulle and complete with a little comb-crown (and Jason said Dick was bad at resisting her puppy eyes). “But congratz on being the last to know.”  

“Gratz!” Lian agreed.  

Jason walked over and dumped Lian into Wally’s arms.  

“Gratz!” Lian repeated, arms in the air.  

“Oh my god,” Wally breathed. “You’re dating a crime lord, Roy.”  

“Ex crime lord,” Roy shrugged. “Except, yeah, I started seeing him before he stopped being a crime lord, actually. But, like. He only killed bad people, anyway. Really bad people. And ‘s not like  my  hands are entirely clean, either.”  

“Hoo boy,” Wally breathed.  

“Mm-hm,” Roy shrugged.  

“Jayjay’s like my other daddy, now,” Lian confided. “ Cept  he gets all red and  blushy  when I say that. I think he likes being my other daddy.”  

Jason gave a soft smile and mimed cuffing her, very gently. “It’s an honor, kiddo.”  

“I love Jayjay!”  

Wally smiled, too. “Cool.” No one was able to avoid a full heart-melt where Lian was involved. She was just that good at wrapping people around her little finger.