Archive of Our Own ^beta

 “You knew we were coming for you, right?”

The question caught Oscar off guard. He stopped what he was working on, a revised plan for the layout of their large and sprawling camp on the outskirts of Vacuo, to look at Ren. They caught eyes across their small tent, and suddenly Oscar felt like he was walking into a trap. “Huh?” he asked, knowing what he was talking about, but trying to pretend he didn’t. He didn’t want to talk about it. Not know. Probably not ever.

“In the whale. You knew we were going to come for you, right?” Ren asked again, and Oscar could tell this had been weighing on him for a while. He could see Emerald and Nora shift uncomfortably out of the corner of his eye.

“I…” he blinked and broke eye contact with Ren, going back to quietly stretching on the large map. “Of course, why wouldn’t you have?” his voice cracked, which made the whole thing utterly unconconvincing. Even Emerald cringed at that one. Emerald. Must have been a pretty bad lie then.

Oscar… Oz started, but Oscar waved his hand. He went back to sketching. The mess hall here, tents here, ignore the burning in your eyes, more tents over here-

Ren came down and quietly sat down next to Oscar. He didn’t say anything, just placed his hand on Oscar’s shoulder. Even though it was soft, all of Ren’s touches were, he flinched. Ren cringed a little at that, and withdrew his hand, placing it neatly in his lap. Why is he looking at me like that?

“Are you okay?” Oscar asked him. Ren looked at him, his face a mask. How does he do that? Oscar felt like his emotions were being laid out raw on a silver platter.

“Are you?” Ren asked kindly, but Oscar cringed nonetheless. Instead of answering, he went back to sketching. That seemed to be enough of an answer for Ren though.

“Oscar, you’re our family. We-”

“I know.” Oscar cut him off, still avoiding eye contact.

“Then why-”

“Because, you had a whole city to look after! Even if you knew where Salem was keeping me, marching into her hideout is practically insane! Besides-” he stopped, making himself relax his grip on the pencil before he snapped it in half.

“Besides?” Ren pressed, soft but firm.

“...” His pencil scritch-scratched across the paper.

“Oscar?” Ren’s hand hovered behind Oscar’s back, until Oscar gave him a small nod, and he placed it on the younger boy’s back.

“...He can just come back.” Oscar flatly stated, like someone reading off a particularly boring news column.

“What?!” Ren jerked his hand back and looked as if he had just been burned by scalding hot water, his face contorting as he processed what Oscar said.

“Why would you all risk your lives for someone who can come back to life?”

“Oscar, I-” Ren’s calm facade had fallen off, and now he looked shocked. But more than that, he looked scared. “You can’t.”

“Yeah, I don’t think it works like that. Just him, for now.” An uncomfortable silence followed. Oscar didn’t look behind him, but he was pretty sure that Nora and Emerald looked shocked too. I should have just said yes and been done with it, dangitt. He ignored the tears threatening to spill and just focused on his drawing. Just focus on what’s in front of you, this will help the Huntresses, this will help people, it’s more important, so just focus on this.

“Can I give you a hug?” Ren’s voice was wavering, and he sounded like he was on the edge of tears. Great going, you're making Ren cry. Perfect, just perfect. In response, Oscar nodded, not trusting himself to look Ren in the eyes.

Ren leaned over and wrapped him in a hug, enveloping him in his warmth. He felt so warm and steady and safe, and he wondered how long it had been since he had felt safe. Oscar found himself biting back tears.

“You aren’t replicable. We love you.” Ren whispered. Then, Oscar broke. He clung to Ren’s arms and sobbed, big heaving cries that were punctuated by Ren rubbing his back and murmuring soothing words. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” Oscar hiccuped. “It’s not, she has the relic and everyone is-” he hiccuped again, unwilling to finish the sentence. “It’s getting faster and I don’t know what’s going to happen and I- I’m scared...” he whispered, burying his face into Ren’s shirt.

“I know, but you’re not alone-”

“That’s part of the problem.” He chuckled humorlessly and tapped his temple with his finger. “I’m never alone.” Ren was silent for a moment, then he hugged Oscar tighter.

“We will always love you Oscar.” He sounded so certain, but it only made Oscar cry harder. After everything that’s happened, how can he be sure about anything anymore?

“What if I’m not me anymore? What if I’m a different person?”

“Then we’ll learn to love that person too.” Oscar clung to Ren’s words, his steady tone and resolve.

“-’s not that simple.” He mumbled, wishing desperately that he could just let Ren’s words reassure him without making it as complicated as it was. Why can’t anything ever be simple anymore?

“Says who?” Ren’s voice became teasing, and Oscar chuckled at the challenge there.

“But-” he protested, quickly getting cut off.

“Nope!” Ren popped the ending, and for a moment they were both reminded of a certain silver eyed girl. Oscar furiously rubbed his eyes, the rough leather of his gloves only irritating them more. Ren continued. “Everything changes. The important thing is having people who will change with you.” He sighed. “I know it’s different, it’s a different kind of change with a different group of people,” a smaller group of people “but me and Nora, and Emerald too, we’ll all be here for you. Here with you.”

We’re going to make it out of this together. You’re going to be okay, we’re all going to be okay. Oscar could hear the unspoken words behind Ren’s promise, even though they both knew that there was no way for him to be able to promise those things to him. Not now. Probably not ever. He sighed and wiggled his arms free so he could hug Ren back.
The two of them sat together, and Oscar could hear someone moving. Nora came up and sat down on Oscar’s other side and Ren shifted his arm so he was hugging both of them. Nora hugged them back, and Oscar could tell them were all thinking about the events of that night.

But, none of them wanted to start that conversation, so for now they just sat in each other's arms, acutely aware of the empty spaces they all felt. Not all there, but together nonetheless. Oscar hugged his teammates, his family. Irreplaceable.

Yeah, he liked the sound of that.