Chapter Text
“What are you doing here?”
The cool masculine voice echoing off the stone walls, James shakes his head in disbelief, “You’re not scheduled for rounds tonight Snape, I wrote them, and I’d have never paired you… where’s McGuire?”
“It wasn’t supposed to be your shift tonight either...” he mumbles, eyes casting around to see if the expected Head student would appear.
Both stare at each other, weighing their options, “I’ll patrol myself, you can go back to your dungeon.”
Rubbing his eyes under his glasses he doesn’t have the energy to fight with Snape and he hopes the Slytherin will retreat given the option.
“Of course, you’d love that, perfect Potter, so you can tell Dumbledore I’m shirking my duties, tell Lily I refused, no. Lead the way, Potter.”
Heaving a sigh, the boys turn side by side, each with their wand ready in hand.
Following his preferred path, past the Great Hall, leading up the back staircase towards the Charms and History of Magic corridors, the silence is a relief considering the usual level of vitriol between them.
James’ head isn’t in it today, not that he always takes patrolling the grounds seriously but this evening he is too exhausted to care.
After a full day of classes, he had spent an hour tutoring before dinner and three hours afterwards at Quidditch practice, he shouldn’t be on rounds on practice days, but she’d asked him to switch, and he wouldn’t let her down.
“James, old buddy, old pal” she’d said jovially, slipping into the seat next to him at his tutoring table, the scent of honeysuckle in the air, her arm gently placed on his bicep as she made eye contact. “I wonder if you would be so kind as to do my patrol tonight, I’ll cover you any day next week in return, please.” He hadn’t asked her why, she seemed flustered, and he thought maybe she wasn’t feeling well, happy to lessen her burden he agreed with a smile. He hadn’t seen her for the rest of the day, busy as he was.
Snape had planned the switch so that he could talk to her, Tamarin McGuire is fifth year and happy to skip a patrol if it allows her more time to study.
All his attempts at pulling Lily aside have been shot down, he figured if he just forced their proximity and no one was there to see, he could warn her, talk her out of her chosen path, convince her that he alone could keep her safe.
James reprimands a couple of third-year Hufflepuffs, claiming to be coming back from the library, but with no school bags or books to speak of, and two floors above their dormitory.
Much to Snape’s distaste he lets them off with a warning.
“I see through you,” he sneers.
“Seeing apparitions? Do you need to be dropped off at the hospital wing?” James had almost forgotten who he was patrolling with, careless on his part, aware of how fast a hex could be shot in his direction, relying on his Quidditch reflexes should it come to that.
Waiting for the staircases to align, Snape squares his shoulders in James’ direction, several inches shorter and not remotely as athletic, he reminds himself that he is sharper and has spells Potter hasn’t even dreamed of.
Wand tight in his hand, a look of distaste scrunching his features, “You and Lily, she’s too good for you, she deserves better, just because you have skill on a broomstick and a vault full of family money doesn’t mean you can take care of her. I know her, I just need to talk some sense into her, remind her I—”
Fifth year James would hex him, would silence him and leave him frozen on the spot just for the mere suggestion that Snape dare tell him he isn’t good enough.
Past James, before the lakeside slur that ruined a friendship and his chances with the fiery witch, before the Willow that nearly cost his life, Snape's life, Remus’ life, and the betrayal that nearly tore apart his best friends. Before his own introspection.
“Look, Snape. This is getting old, there is nothing going on between Evans and me, we’re co-heads, that’s it,” he wishes they were more, still wishes she would give him more.
They're friends now, sometimes he thinks they could be more. A lingering touch, a secret smile, and flirting seemed to be part of her nature so he could never claim that it was aimed solely at him.
Snape scoffs derisively, “I see how you look at her, how you help her in classes, I know you seek her out. I’ve watched her and her friends as they watch the Gryffindor team practice, seen her come to you, lay her hands upon you as she speaks, I can guess what the pair of you are getting up to behind closed doors in your head’s office. You disgust me.”
Disbelief, James wishes there was some way he could play this conversation back, knowing the kick Sirius would get from it.
They continue their migration down the passageway, opening a broom closet door, the wood scrapes across the flagstone, sound travelling through the deserted space, no one inside.
“You’re wrong,” James says, his tone not hiding his irritation about this topic.
“Prove it.” Snape perseveres, not yet sure how to have the boy do so.
Hearing a noise from the cracked door at the base of the Astronomy tower, James glowers, raising a finger to his lips, as he pushes the heavy wood open wider.
“This is the last time I’m asking you to just leave her alone” Snape whispers.
“Why?” James is quick to respond as they continue their ascent.
Dylan Hardwick stands in a very hot and heavy make-out with a witch pushed into the stone corner, hidden from view apart from her legs wrapped around his waist, her hands buried in his hair.
“Hardwick getting his wick wet, what do you say twenty points from Ravenclaw and a detention to boot,” Snape jeers.
The flustered blonde boy huffs, “Prefects can’t dock points, I’ll take your detention, Snape, now piss off.”
Riled up by the dismissal Snape’s tone takes a sharper edge, “I think Head boy will agree, what say you, Potter?”
James' eyes are focused on the girl’s left foot, a silver anklet, adorned with a purple flower charm dangles delicately above her shoe, he recognised it immediately and hasn’t spoken, hoping to push down the bile he tastes rising.
Rather than addressing the punishment query he turns to his unpleasant classmate, as impassively as he can muster, “That’s your proof, Snape.”
At the sound of his voice, the girl lowers her feet, pushing the Ravenclaw beater gently in order to extricate herself from the cocoon he had created.
Her emerald eyes search the darkness and find two boys with whom she shares a tangled history, both looking thoroughly dejected.
She expects fire, fury, a fierce reaction, the silence is deafening.
Snape’s wand held menacingly towards this unsuspected foe, he watching as Dylan glides past him down the stairs, following as the group disband.
“James...”
Lily hopes to catch his eye, to see something, reaching out to touch him but he recoils out of her reach.
“You’ll break my heart in the blink of an eye.”
Chapter 2: In the blink of an eye, conclusion
Summary:
Lily faces the mess she's made...
Notes:
Second part, as the gut punch left a throbbing pain.
Chapter Text
Snape casts a victorious look at James, he can overlook Lily's tryst with the Ravenclaw, it served to wound his adversary and for that, he can tolerate her misgivings. She has her flaws and he'll add promiscuous to the list of things he intends to set her straight about.
"I'll escort Hardwick to his tower, can't guarantee his safety if the Head Boy were left alone with him." A petty grin upon his face.
James tells Snape to return to his house after that, certain as he is that patrols are over for the night, he has no intention to continue this farce, planning instead to hole up in his room and check the map for movement.
"James... James… Potter, stop for Godric's gonads, not everyone has giraffe legs will you please let me catch up."
She startles when he stops, his face blank, his eyes absent of their usual sparkle, "What?"
"Oh, I didn't actually think of what I was going to say, I thought you'd just ignore me all the way to the portrait."
Tone contrite as she runs a hand through her dishevelled hair.
"Of course, you didn't think, you're the stupidest smart person I know." He grits out, turning his body sharply and continuing down the darkened hall.
Over his shoulder he hears her follow, his words carrying themselves as he walks, "Merlin Evans, you're Head Girl, you really didn't see the possibility you'd get rumbled getting frisky in the astronomy tower?"
James feels his mask slip, he wanted to play it cold, not give in to the burning vitriol that courses through him.
"We can't all be Einstein"
She responds with a half-hearted shrug, and if he didn't get the muggle reference he shows no sign.
"James, I'm sorry you ended up on rounds with Sev, I never would have asked if-"
That does it, the dam of his resolution bursting.
Snape's company barely even registered given the day he's had, a definite case of 'his bark is worse than his bite', as Remus would call it, which always amuses the other boys given a bite from Remus could be lethal.
Snape is just a poor disillusioned fool who believes Lily Evans a trophy to claim.
He's ready to quit this game, this race for affection, he doesn't see her as a trophy. He has spent the last year and a half working at friendship, earning her trust, he thought he knew her, that they made a good team.
"He wanted to talk to you! Was worried you were getting too close to your blood traitor co-head, fucking laughable really."
Not knowing what to say, she chances a look at his face, noting the tight muscles of his jaw as he clenches his teeth together.
"James..."
"No. Next time you want to fuck around, do it on your own time, don't borrow mine."
"Ultra Sortem," he mutters the password and the portrait grants them access.
The Gryffindor common room has only a smattering of students remaining at this late hour, the warm glow from the fire dancing shadows on the maroon walls.
"Prongs, tell Wormy that— Prongs?" James strides straight past the sitting area and is up the stairs without even acknowledging his best friend.
"What did you do?" Each word enunciated as his steel grey eyes pierce her.
"Eh... I asked him to cover my patrol, but Sev had the same idea apparently, and it seems they did it together"
Her eyes travel back to the bottom of the staircase as though he might reappear at any moment.
"And no one's bleeding?" Remus asks, hopefully.
Her head shakes, no.
"Then why do you look like that?" Sirius waves his hand in a circle around, suggesting her face is a picture of confusion "And why did he storm upstairs just now?"
Her eyebrows knit together as she focuses not on the three seventh-year boys, nor the cluster of fifth-years in the far corner, but on the aged carpet at her feet.
"I... stupid... Astronomy tower... Hardwick"
As she speaks her words downward they only pick out some of her words but she realises they've understood the gist of it when the clattering of a chair falling draws her attention.
Sirius, instantly right in front of her, she has a fleeting thought that he might hex her, his imposing stance hovering a head above her, he simply drops his chin in disgust and takes off up the stairs to the dormitory.
Lily slumps to the nearest chair, the fight gone out of her. Hardwick had been a foolish move, she had been feeling reckless after receiving a letter from Petunia that morning, and she wanted to forget for a little while.
Lily had known a fail-safe way to do that was to take up her Arithmancy desk mate on his flirtation.
She hadn't given thought to it meaning anything, she didn't want it to mean anything, she wanted someone who wouldn't ask her if she was ok, wouldn't care if she was ok.
The antithesis of James Potter.
The boy who did care.
"Lily," she looks to her side as the cushions dip, amber eyes in obvious distress.
"Remus, I—" She starts but doesn't continue as he holds a hand to halt her.
"Did you really not consider what it would do to him? You're not usually so thoughtless. Are you even aware that he thought he was covering you because you were ill? That he already had tutoring and Quidditch practice today but put aside his exhaustion to lessen your burden... He'd do anything for you, and you take that for granted."
Thoroughly chastised she says nothing as he takes his leave, realising now that the room had emptied as he'd spoken, leaving her alone.
Lily watches as the fire licks the stone surround, fickle, fearless, flames fighting their way from the grill.
What a mess she's made.
Sitting on the overstuffed sofa for what feels like hours, the glow from the embers producing just enough light to see the outline of a body as it re-enters the common room.
"Have you been sitting here all night?" His voice. gravelly as though recently woken from slumber.
"I guess, yeah," she speaks softly, "I'm so sorry James."
He takes up residence next to her on the sofa, "I'm sorry I snapped at you, I get cranky when I'm tired," James admits, folding his arms over his chest.
"No, you were justified. That was... I messed up. I shouldn't have... Not that it's an excuse or anything I had a letter from home, and Petunia put me in a mood, I like to think I'm not usually so selfish."
"You're not." He sighs, always quick to forgive her.
"It doesn't matter Lily, move past it."
"It does matter, you matter to me, James."
Words superfluous, they sit in conformable silence until he feels her head lol onto his shoulder.
Only Lily Evans he thinks to himself, can break his heart and mend it in the space of one evening, and probably not for the last time.