Work Text:
this distance between us has made my heart as week as silk that’s frayed
That’s how it starts.
It’s in the middle of the night when Mikey gets the text, the ‘ding’ of the ringtone jerks him away from his sleep. He grabs his phone which is under his pillow for some reason even though he usually leaves it on the nightstand. He slides to unlock, reads the message and then sets his phone on silent.
He then turns over and takes a look at Jake, the guy he’s been seeing for the last three weeks. It’s not the best of relationships he’s ever been in, because it isn’t a relationship, but it is okay. It’s a good fuck at least. It’s all Jake is interested in anyway.
He doesn’t think much of the text, he is certain that it was sent to him by mistake. Why would Brendon Urie be texting him in the middle of the night. It’s four in the morning, who is awake at this time of the night for crying out loud. Except for him, thanks to Brendon and his texting through half-shut eyes.
Mikey falls asleep wondering who the text was meant for and if Brendon saw he wasn’t texting the right person after he didn’t get an instant reply.
*
When he wakes up the next day Jake and all of his things are gone.
Mikey gets up and heads straight for the kitchen as he hears his stomach growling. No time for peeing, no time for any other activity unless it involves pop-tarts and coffee.
As Mikey finishes breakfast he hears his cell phone buzz. He reads the text, it’s Gerard telling him that he should stop by to see few new sketches to which Mikey replies with an eager yes.
He then realizes that he has two other texts, both from Brendon. It must be him apologizing for the mishap from last night.
But it’s not.
every time i run i keep on falling on you – the first text reads and the second one is a continuance – on the way you stand, on the way you sway on the way you hair curls in the rain the little lines that write your face or the winter nights you’d come and stay
Mikey has no idea what exactly is going on. Once is a mistake, twice is coincidence, but three times is a pattern, he heard that in some TV show.
Why is Brendon texting him? They saw each other not so long ago and everything was normal and now this. What has happened that lead him to this. What is this anyway?
As easy it would be to ask Brendon, Mikey just ignores it. For a while.
Instead he just flashes back to the last time he saw Brendon, there was a release party a few weeks ago, much like the one in a day or two. They chatted for a while, he knows that much.
He remembers only parts of the night and he remembers how drunk he was from the hangover he had the following day. He remembers that day because for some reason he was incredibly happy.
He couldn’t put his finger on the reason for the happiness.
Maybe a day later he met Jake and he didn’t need much time to go back to the feeling of misery he had before that party.
*
Mikey gets to his brother’s place around noon and right as he passes the doorstep he is presented with a thick pile of sketches he has to look through. He settles on the couch and Gerard sits next to him, expecting any note he might get.
Before they start Mikey asks for a glass of juice and Gerard gets up to get it for him. Mikey slouches back, finding the most comfortable position, but then his phone buzzes and Mikey has a weird feeling that he knows who it is.
you might think i’m loosing my mind, but i will shy away from the specifics.
Fucking Brendon, what is this even supposed to mean? Mikey’s finally asking.
what is this even supposed to mean – Mikey texts back and watches for a reply.
He looks behind himself to check if Gerard is coming back, if he has enough time to receive and send another reply.
A whole minute later, when a reply doesn’t come, Mikey calls Brendon and waits for an answer.
“Hey, you got Brendon. I’m either drinking or I’m catching butterflies, or maybe both, so you know what to do. It’s gonna beep any time now,” Mikey listens to Brendon’s voicemail intro and decides to leave a message.
“What’s up with the lyric fest, Bren? And what are the specifics you’re shying away from? Gimme a call, would ya? It’s Mikey, by the way.”
When he hangs up the phone he looks up to see his older standing in front of him, holding a glass.
“Here you go,” Gerard says, passing Mikey the glass. Mikey looks at his older brother with curious eyes as he accepts it in his hands.
“Did you squeeze it fresh?” Mikey asks, watching carefully as Gerard sits down next to him.
“No, you idiot, of course not,” he replies staring back at Mikey.
“It took you long,” he states before he takes a sip of the orangey goodness.
“I had to get a carton from the garage,” Gerard explains and inhales before asking “Who were you leaving a message for?”
“Brendon Urie,” Mikey says as he decides to tell hi brother what’s going on. Maybe Gerard can help him some to a conclusion and stomach whatever is happening “I’ve been getting these weird texts and he’s never texted me before. It’s random lyrics every time.”
“Huh. I never took Brendon for a hopeless romantic,” Gerard says, almost making Mikey choke on the sip of juice in his mouth.
“Don’t know about romantic, but he’s hopeless alright,” Mikey replies as soon as he swallows the juice, rolling his eyes at the comment.
Right, romantic is what he’s being. Gerard is only saying that to him because of that one time when Mikey let it slip that he thinks Brendon is very nice and very hot and totally doable. He said it years ago and he stood by his words since then. His brother is just teasing him.
Mikey shakes his thoughts away and focuses his full attention to the drawings because of which he came. There is no way Gee is right, he thinks to himself and lets his eyes inspect every inch of the.
But ten minutes later, when an answer arrives, Mikey thinks Gerard might be right. And he doesn’t really know how to react or how to feel about it.
it gets harder to find what you love over time. – Brendon texts instead of calling back.
*
Brendon doesn’t text him again for two days. Till they see each other at a party, for the first time since the texts started.
Mikey had brought Jake along, for some fucking reason it looked like a good idea when it popped into his head. But when he sees that Brendon is there and when he sees Brendon’s face turn red, he knows it was a bad move.
Brendon avoids him the whole time. He doesn’t even come over to say hello and whenever Mikey heads in his direction, Brendon does his best to disappear.
Jake complains about having an early morning and having to go home and Mikey walks him outside and waits till he gets into a cab.
As soon as he walks back into the party his cell phone buzzes. Not once, but twice.
i see you doing what i try to do for me
does he take care of you or could i easily fill his shoes
They’re both from Brendon of course, but Brendon is no where to be found. Mikey looks around; his eyes are searching for Brendon, but he doesn’t see anything. Even Joe and Andy who were standing with Brendon a minute ago are nowhere to be found. As he realizes that Brendon is hiding, he starts typing up a reply.
why don’t we talk this over – Mikey texts him back.
baby, all i do is wish. – is the reply Mikey gets a minute later and he wonders if it’s another lyric.
Mikey starts searching for anyone who might know where Brendon is. He finds Dallon standing near the bar along with Frank and Pete and finds out that Brendon has left not so long ago. Mikey doesn’t know what to do with the information and even though giving up for the night sounds like the obvious choice, he heads out of the club, hoping he will manage to find Brendon.
As he walks out he sees Brendon nearing his car, Mikey hurries up and with a quick jog he catches up to him.
“Hey,” Mikey says and he offers a smile as soon as Brendon turns to him.
“Hi,” Brendon greets him back, saying the words with anger in his voice.
Brendon doesn’t look at Mikey; he catches a few glimpses and then turns his head away. He’s acting as if looking would be wrong, as if he’s making a big mistake.
“Is anything wrong?” Mikey asks, “You’re leaving so soon.”
“I’m just calling it a night,” Brendon says, still trying as hard as he can to avoid looking at Mikey.
“Can we talk?” Mikey suggests, constantly looking left than right in a lame attempt to meet Brendon’s eyes.
“I’m not really in the mood, Mikes,” he says and finally lets his eyes fall on Mikey’s face.
The older man stares back, trying to arrange a response. But instead of saying anything, as an attempt for a reply Mikey places his hands on Brendon’s cheeks and pulls him in for a kiss. Brendon kisses back, his arms finding their way to Mikey’s hips and pulling him closer.
Mikey tries to remember everything about this moment. The song in the background, the smell of Brendon’s cologne, the way his mouth tastes, how chapped his lips are. If only there was some sort of a mental camera that can capture this moment and help him keep it safe in his mind. He is afraid that there are details he’s going to forget.
A moment later it’s all gone, Mikey is standing a meter away and panting as he watches Brendon get into the car, start the engine and drive off.
Mikey stays frozen as he tries to wrap his mind around what happened, but mostly around the butterflies he’s feeling in his stomach. They’re having a dance-off in there.
What made Brendon leave so soon? And why didn’t he stop him? Why does he have to be such an idiot and ice up in such a moment?
*
After he gets home Mikey doesn’t fall asleep. He spends hours tossing and turning and slamming his fist into the mattress in a desperate need to get rid of the anger building up inside him. He ends up watching Netflix and pausing every few minutes to beat himself up for not stopping Brendon. He does that all night long.
The first thing Mikey does the next day is tell Jake their no longer a thing, not that they ever were. It the simplest break-up of all time, considering that Jake didn’t want to date him in the first place. And if he’s being honest, he got slightly sick of hearing ‘This is the best sex I’ve ever had’ after every time. Jake is incredibly selfish in bed and that statement didn’t come close to the truth.
Mikey spends the rest of the day trying to figure out what he’s feeling. He paces around the apartment, lost of any and all words that might express what he’s got going on the inside. Cause it’s not love… yet. But it might be soon. Really soon.
Every time Brendon texts another lyric he just proves that what Gerard said is true and Mikey likes that kind of stuff. Mikey likes the romantic part of the relationships, the long make outs, the serenades, the walks under the clear night sky, all the clichйs that exist. Brendon hits exactly that spot with each text. Mikey hasn’t done anything to reciprocate and it stings him that he hasn’t done anything.
After five hours of lying around the apartment and finally realizing what he’s feeling Mikey decides to reach out to Brendon. He grabs his cell phone, finds Brendon in his contact list and hits on dial.
After a several rings he gets sent to voicemail, as it normally goes because Brendon never answers his phone, at least when Mikey’s the one calling.
“Hey, you got Brendon. I’m either drinking or I’m catching butterflies, or maybe both, so you know what to do. It’s gonna beep any time now,” Mikey listens to Brendon’s voice and it makes him nervous. What to say? What to say? What to say?
“Hey Brendon, it’s me, Mikey,” he says and inhales deeply, taking a pause to make up what to say next, “I really want to talk to you about last night. I need to talk to you about everything. Please call me,” Mikey speaks into the phone.
When a reply doesn’t come, fifteen minutes afterwards, Mikey opens the texts Brendon sent him and he starts listening to the songs the lyrics are from. It’s the weirdest taste in music, but it’s also a great one because it’s Brendon’s.
*
Mikey falls asleep to the Tom Odell song Brendon snatched lyrics from.
For some reason he gets attached to that song, he plays it on repeat for hours. It helps him calm down enough to grab several hours of sleep.
When he wakes up, there is a text waiting for him and he’s pissed off at himself for missing it when it arrived.
it’s a three-way call & he knows nothing – the text reads.
Mikey’s stomach turns at the thought that Brendon sees himself as the other person in his life when there never really was a relationship that he interrupted. It’s time to set this straight. It’s time to be completely honest with someone about Jake.
No one knows the truth. Mikey was too embarrassed to tell anyone that he’s wasting time hooking up with someone that doesn’t want anything more.
He calls Brendon and he doesn’t answer again and Mikey listens to the drinking or catching butterflies intro before he says “It wasn’t much of a relationship, Bren. And I broke it off. Please call me.”
Mikey leaves his phone in the middle of the kitchen island and he starts making circles around it. He has a great kitchen and he doesn’t use it often. It’s such a shame it’s going to waste. Maybe if he and Brendon start dating there finally will be a reason to use it, there finally will be a reason to cook.
The phone buzzes and Mikey reaches out for it in a rush, almost slipping on the kitchen floor.
such a heart that will lead you to deceiving – is the text Brendon sends him.
So Mikey calls him again. He gets sent to the ‘catching butterflies’ message again which makes him smile. He prays to God Brendon is catching butterflies and not drinking.
“Brendon, I’m not lying to you. Give me a chance to explain. Call me. Or maybe come over. Anything! Let’s just talk.”
*
Brendon shows up. Mikey is surprised when Brandon actually shows up. What makes him even more surprised is the way Brendon looks. Bags under his eyes tip of his tiredness, his hair is a mess and the usual smile is a straight line. Mikey reminds himself not to say anything because he looks even worse. And it’s his fault after all.
“Hi,” Mikey whispers, stepping back to let Brandon in.
“Hi,” Brendon mutters back, taking the few steps needed for him to be in the living room.
Mikey pushes the front door closed and quickly follows Brendon’s steps. His heart almost jumps out of his chest and those butterflies that were having a dance-off are doing it again.
This is it. It’s the break it or make it situation and Mikey just really wants to make it. He really, really wants to make it.
“It wasn’t a relationship,” Mikey repeats the words he previously texted. He makes half a circle around Brendon, till he faces him. He looks up at Brendon’s exhausted face and his heart drops, because – fuck – he caused this.
“What was it?” Brendon questions, his voice flat.
“Just hooking up,” Mikey says, dreading the words that are escaping his lips “He didn’t want more.”
“You wanted more?” Brendon crooks an eyebrow. Mikey nods, looking at Brendon in hope that he will understand instead of getting mad, “Why did you start anything with him at the first place when you knew I would be happy to be that person for you?”
“What?” Mikey gasps.
“You think I was kidding, don’t you?” Brendon demands.
“What weren’t you kidding about?” Mikey asks back.
“About what I said after we had sex at the ATL release,” Brendon explains thinking it will clear everything up for Mikey. He then reads the surprise on Mikey’s face and decides to continue reminding him, “I wasn’t kidding when I told you that I’d be happy to do it again, anytime you’d want. And when I told you that I wanted more I was dead serious. I mean, I was drunk, so were you, but I still meant it.”
“I don’t remember any of it,” Mikey mutters, “We had sex?”
“In a bathroom stall,” Brendon adds, resting his hands on his hips as he looks away “Fuck,” he sighs, taking a quick look of Mikey and then looking away again, “Why did you kiss me then?”
“I wanted to,” Mikey admits, something inside him wanted to if he’s being specific, “I like you a lot, okay? I know it now.”
“You know how to pick your moments,” the younger man rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, yes, I’m not good at knowing things at the right time,” Mikey agrees, “It took me sex with eight different guys to realize I’m gay,” he then adds in a mumble.
“Mikes, I could’ve gone my whole life not knowing that!”
“Sorry,” he shrugs.
“What now?” Brendon asks for a solution.
“Whatever you tell me.”
“You’re looking for a relationship?”
“I am. With you I want a relationship more than anything,” Mikey states as he takes a step forward, stepping closer to Brendon. The way Brendon lets the words sinking has Mikey thinking if he’s said the magic words.
“More than reminding you of the ATL release?” Brendon smirks, grabbing Mikey’s shirt and pulling him towards him.
“Yes,” Mikey answers, copying Brendon’s facial expression “And how does that solve our problem?”
“One thing at a time, don’t push it,” Brendon shakes his head as he tilts his head and starts leaving a trail of kisses from Mikey’s collarbone to his jaw.
“You are a lot of work, aren’t you?” Mikey whispers his question.
“Yah! You know you love it,” he chuckles before he brushes his lips against Mikey’s
*
After an orgasm for each of them and twenty minutes of kissing and leaving reckless hickeys on visible places they start talking about everything in a way they never talked before. There are words coming out of Mikey’s lips that he hasn’t said before, not even to his brother.
They fall asleep spooning, with Brendon taking the little-spoon spot for the night. And when Mikey wakes up he is surprised to see that Brendon, unlike many of Mikey’s hook ups, waited till Mikey was awake in order to leave. And he is late for his thing of course, but he is there for Mikey in the morning.
“I have to be in the studio today, I’ll stop by later,” Brendon says before he kisses Mikey goodbye.
Mikey spends the day around the apartment, feeling completely happy and smiling from ear to ear, like a little kid around a plate of cookies. He understands it now, he knows why he was acting the way he was acting after the release party. He knows that the source of his happiness is Brendon, that five-foot-nine hyper over-optimistic clingy human being. He’s fucking perfect.
After making himself a cup of coffee Mikey gets back to bed. He grabs his laptop and puts Netflix on, his number one distraction at all times.
He spends the morning in bed, half the time watching Friends, half the time daydreaming, imagining doing the same with Brendon. Watching TV shows, spending mornings in bed, spending days around the apartment with take out containers and ignoring the outside world. He wants the best of relationships. He has a feeling he’s going to get just that.
i can’t write a single word as wonderful as you – is the first text Mikey gets that day.
He presses pause on the episode he’s watching and takes his phone to read the text. He knows that Brendon must be bored and that it’s a slow day in the studio if he has enough time to text him.
that is really unoriginal – Mikey texts him back and continues to stare at the phone, waiting for a reply while grinning like an idiot.
why can’t i keep you safe as my own one moment i have you next you are gone – Brendon sends a respond. Mikey starts laughing out loud at the well known lyrics that were playing in the background at the party last night as they kissed.
you’re the one who had to leave bren, i did not want to let you go – Mikey returns.
never knew that you could just hold me hostage – Brendon shares another song lyric. Mikey isn’t sure if it’s a song and he decides to need to Google it because it sounds like an awesome song lyric.
wish i was able to do so – Mikey admits.
when i get a bit ratty you make me cups of tea – Brendon texts.
it’s my pleasure – Mikey flirts as an answer.
get out of bed michael – Brendon orders. Is Brendon psychic? How does he know?
how do you know that i’m still in bed
cause if you took a stroll around your apartment you would have seen the note i left you before you got up – he gets in return and then another text arrives – they’re scolding me for texting. gotta go!
Mikey finally gets up and starts looking around for the note Brendon mentioned. He checks the nightstands first, then the dining room table, the coffee table, the kitchen island and the counter. He checks everywhere before he founds it taped to the front door. Where the hell did Brendon find scotch tape so early in the morning?
He laughed at my sins, in his arms I must stay.
PS. I’m getting us dinner so wait-up.
Us.
Mikey smiles, realizing that he wants to keep Brendon. Forever and ever. And as he arranges those sentences in his head he decides that they sound way too much like the twins in The Shining and he spends the rest of the day waiting for Brendon’s arrival and trying to come up with a better way to say it.
He doesn’t come up with a better way. And he makes Brendon laugh by letting him know.