Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

.

If I asked to come, would he really come?

If I asked to leave, would he really leave?

Even after waiting for countless days, we will not be together.

Nay, nay, it is nay.

You cannot come, so take me instead.

The song ended as the sound of a gong rang from afar, echoing through the vast, empty palace and ringing past the wooden columns and through the papered wall. He wondered how late it was now since the time announcer’s shout would not reach his ears where he was sitting. He looked up to see two unmoving shadows on the white screen, two court ladies were still standing on the same spot for hours, they had been waiting patiently for the lullaby to end.

He coughed a little— ahem— to warm up his vocal chord. His throat was starting to dry after singing the same song for god knows how long, and even now he was about to repeat the first verse again.

“Eunuch Jung,” the boy called, and he looked down to the young prince in his lap. “Stop singing.”

“Yes, your highness.” He nodded. Poor child, how could a son sleep tight in the night when the mother was lying restlessly on her bed, her face so gaunt and so colorless that he had prepared himself for the worst when the prince went to visit her in the afternoon. People had been talking— everybody had been talking, that the young prince’s mother wouldn’t live to see the end of this year.

Prince Chang was only six years old, but the noise that left his mouth was a long drawn out exhale. The eunuch held his breath, waiting for the noble boy to dismiss him. Instead, his small hand tightened the grip on the eunuch’s dark green fabric, “Is it true that she is sick because of me?”

He blinked, halting the soft caress over the prince’s dark hair, “Your highness,” he whispered, “who told you that?

All the prince’s eunuchs and all the prince’s court ladies had been keeping their mouths shut. No one in the residence of Royal concubine Yoon would dare mention this scandal to another soul. For years they could not find a heart in them to be jolly, laughters and titles-tattles had been scarce and the smiles printing on their faces were formed out of common courtesy. Eunuch Jung himself could not remember the last time he saw the prince’s face beaming. Dark heavy clouds of trepidation hovered over this cursed part of the palace, following the inhabitants of this building of ever sorrow everywhere.

There were ears on every wall as if the royal palace was a gigantic beast of thousand pairs of eyes and ears. No secret could be hidden forever in this imperial premise, in here, news traveled faster than a plague, and ill news spread as fast as the wind taking a speckle of dust in one swift.

“Your highness,” He started again, his highness was smart by his age, his thoughts and his wisdom were that of a grown up man, “I can assure you that it is not true.”

The boy glanced up to look him in the eyes, “How can you be so sure, eunuch Jung?”

“Then may I humbly ask why your highness believe in such a scandal?”

“They said, before giving birth to me she was the most beautiful woman of the entire Joseon.”

He nodded, it wasn’t far from the truth, not only was royal concubine Yoon in her youth the most beautiful noble maiden in the town, her unique beauty was also said to be the most auspicious as well. Many face readers had seen her faces, all of them agreed in unison that she had a face of the queen, he remembered that some of them even went as far as saying that she would give birth to the future great king of Joseon.

Auspicious, he wondered if those face readers had seen royal concubine Yoon on the brink of death in their vision.

“And now she was ugly, unhealthy, and dying.”

“Your highness— may I? She wasn’t ugly in any slightest.”

“She—” the boy hiccuped, “she was not as healthy as before, that one I am sure of.”

Eunuch Jung’s tongue lay heavy in his mouth. There was no need for them to cover the poor condition of the prince’s mother, they all had prepared themselves for the inevitable parting, but even so the eunuch still could not find himself mastering in comforting a child.

“Your highness,” He started again, “do not—”

One of the silhouettes of the court ladies moved with the quiet coughing from the other side of the screen, the same shadow bowed down and addressed the prince in her authoritative voice, one that never failed to remind Eunuch Jung of the hierarchy among the servants themselves.

“Your highness,” Court lady Choi’s voice left no room for them both to argue, even royal concubine Yoon in her prime time had to accept and follow her ‘suggestion’. “It’s about time for you to sleep.”

Surely, it was hours past his highness’s usual bedtime, and though court lady Choi was not that insensitive to steer the prince to bed directly after he had sat next to his mother in silence for hours, she was that insensitive to find no proper words for consolation. The duty had been imposed on him since the prince learned how to speak, if court lady Choi was the strict guardian of the residence, eunuch Jung was her gentler counterpart.

He crouched up into kneeling, brushing the wrinkled cloth into one smooth mattress for the prince to settle for the night and left him with a bow. His eyes met court lady Choi at the threshold, and as he followed her outside, the younger court lady blew out the candles and the room behind them fell into pitch black darkness.

“They said it will be soon.” She told him in her usual stern and solemn voice the moment they were sure they were out of the prince’s range of hearing. For years, the royal physician had been trying to dig to the root of this illness, they had tried various sorts of medicine to heal her but all that was written in the reports was the royal concubine’s deteriorating health. Since the start of the new year, royal concubine Yoon showed only signs of worsening, she had been ill as long as the prince had been living.

Footsteps came from their left and both turned to see one body hurriedly rush along the corridor, the green fabric that reflected the moonlight told them that it was their fellow eunuch; a young bumbly soul of no more than eighteen years old. Court lady Choi moved forward and he followed not far behind her. Eunuchs and court ladies were instructed to always compose themselves, even when they were in a rush; one could only walk fast, not run slow.

There was one reason for the young eunuch to run slowly, and it was exactly that one reason.

“What is going on?” She hissed, “his highness has just gotten to bed.”

The light from the torches outside illuminated the red and bubbly face of their messenger with the trail of liquid steaming down to his chin. The man bowed once, taking in a shuddering breath before looking up through his teary eyes.

They knew it even before the words could leave his mouth, it was exactly that.

“Royal concubine Yoon,” he took a shuddering breath, “has passed away.”

The next second they could hear a choir of screams from across the wall, of wails and cries from the other building where the royal concubine had been residing in for years among the care of the royal physicians. Court lady Choi fell down on the marble floor, her pale hands, usually kept under the dangui, came forward to keep her upright before resuming its place behind the thick fabric.

“Mama!”

Eunuch Jung let himself sink down onto the floor as well, the rows of court ladies and eunuchs behind them falling down one by one like flowers closing down when the sun disappeared into the night. Though they had been preparing for the inevitable parting for many years, the words still cut right into his heart. The light of their lives had gone. Royal concubine Yoon was no more.

“We have to tell the prince.” Someone said and he noticed seconds later that it was court lady Choi. Eunuch Jung rose up on his weakened legs, his knees buckling under the weight of the collapsed world. The crying noise buzzing in his head as he took a step forward, his hand still trembling slightly under the same green fabric— He did not make it to the door.

Footsteps again, he stopped and sighed, it took him a year to learn that the sound of shoes stomping repeatedly on the ground bore nothing but troubles, ten fold a problem if it was in the night.

It should be almost midnight now.

Beside him, court lady Choi was the only one that was now standing upright. They knew this sound too well as she turned her head to look at him questioningly, her eyes widened like he had never seen before. It was a squad of the imperial guards, armed with spears and swords and the blazing hellish torches of the night. As the head of the eunuch, he found himself staggering forward to face them at the bottom of the stairs.

He thought he knew from one glance why the imperial guards were here.

“Who dares trespass into the prince’s residence?” Nevertheless, he asked.

The man in front of him didn’t bat an eye. “I, the head of the imperial guard, was informed of a crime committed by the unloyal servants of the Joseon dynasty. We are here to catch the traitors; Court lady Choi, eunuch Jung, and their accomplices to the trials—”

It happened as quick as a heartbeat. Eunuch Jung could only watch as the guards dispersed from the rows before the head guard even finished his order to catch the group of the court ladies behind. Their screams, their pleas, all fell to deaf ears as they scattered to flee and were subsequently seized one by one.

When the guards came up to bind him and court lady Choi, they both accepted it without any resistance. As they were pushed and pulled to the middle of the courtyard, one man shoved court lady Choi so hard that she fell to the ground and eunuch Jung could only watch as the woman pulled herself up, her chin held up high with the dignity of a noble lady. She was in her mid forties while he was in his twenties, but they were the most senior staff out of the servants of royal concubine Yoon, they had seen what happened to those who resisted, guiltless people had to remain calm.

“What is happening there!?”

The voice was unmistakably young, but full of strength as much as a child of his age could muster. Eunuch Jung turned to look and was frozen in his steps; right before the wooden door, Prince Lee Chang was standing between the two guards, his eyes moving around the courtyard, taking in the picture of commotion.

There was a second that the young prince’s face fell when he saw eunuch Jung staring back, his hands clenched into a fist as he took in a deep breath.

“I demand to know what is happening here. They are my faithful servants, none can take them away from me.”

The younger court ladies fell down and clasped their hands together, “Your highness!” they cried, “please help us, they are going to kill us all.”

“Your highness,” the nearest guard bowed down, those men were ridiculously alike as if they were casted from the same mold; how they bowed, how they talked, how they dealt with the royal members, how they dealt with the lowly servants. “Your mother, royal concubine Yoon, has died.”

“That, I already know.” The prince’s voice showed no tremor, moreover it was glazed with the building rage. “Do I have to repeat one more time? Where are you taking my servants to?”

“Your highness.” The head of the royal guard might be the only one that was not casted from the same mold for he shouted to the prince without even bowing down. Eunuch Jung tried to take a better look at his face, there were but a few men who had little respect for the prince and his mother.

“These scoundrels—” the handle of the sword was pointed toward him and court lady Choi then to the younger court ladies and eunuchs behind, “—took parts in the death of your mother. We are here to arrest them and send them to trial, where justice will be served.”

Even far apart eunuch Jung clearly saw Lee Chang’s mouth open, the boy shook his head repeatedly before pushing the guard’s hands away and marching down the stairs.

“Eunuch Jung!” the prince did not make it to the last step of the stairs. One of the guards shot his arm out and swept the boy’s small body up to his shoulder. The eunuch fought with his bindings, the screams of the prince urged him to tear away the rope and broke free from his captive.

“Unhand me! Eunuch Jung did not kill my mother, he could not do that! Eunuch Jung! Court lady Choi!”

The first resistance earned the eunuch a harsh knock on his shoulder which sent him to the floor and pulled court lady Choi who was bound by the same rope down with him. For a while, the world was grey and blurry, the buzzing sound of scream and cry of many voices assembling into one humming background as he tried to regain his consciousness.

When his eyesight returned, the first thing he saw was the prince’s small hand holding out for him, he could not see his face, the guard’s wide back hid it as Lee Chang was carried away through the small gate and disappeared into the night.

“Where are you taking him to?” He rose shakily, now it was Eunuch Jung’s turn to ask. “You cannot take the prince without—”

Tut-tut, the man tsked at him with a thin disapproving smile, “The king has ordered that the prince will be taken to his palace as soon as the traitors are all caught. Why would he leave his only son with you?”

Traitors, eunuch Jung had enough of this word, “Traitors?” He hissed back, “Do tell us what crime had we committed that earned us that word? We are humble servants of royal concubine Yoon and prince Lee Chang.”

Tut-tut, the same sound, the same disapproving grin but this time the corners of his mouth were tilted up. “I would not say that if I were you,” The head of the imperial guard whispered, “you traitors have been feeding her poison for years, faking it under a complication from childbirth. Bold of you to claim your loyalty over her corpse, are you not?”

The last word faded into the night breeze. The head guard gave eunuch Jung the smile for the last time before signaling for his men to herd the ‘traitors’ to the palace jail, one by one they went in a row. Above the assorted noise of footsteps and staggering, of cries and hisses, his large ears still caught a small voice ringing in the wind.

As the guard walking next to him nudged him not so gently, eunuch Jung righted himself and continued walking and turned that voice away from his ears. He closed his eyes for a second, pain clutching over his heart as he realized that the last time he saw the prince, the hand that was reaching out for him was the only thing this loyal servant could remember .

Yoon Hwawan was sixteen years old when she was selected among the candidates to be a concubine for the king twelve years her senior. The words of the new concubine reached him while he was dining with his fellow young eunuchs on one summer evening. The older eunuchs turned to ask him if they had known each other before which he answered right away that yes, before he became an eunuch here four years ago, he was a servant in the Ingwang Yoon household.

It was of no surprise when a eunuch was assigned to serve under a concubine from the same household. Concubine Yoon’s father, an officer under the ministry of taxation, was a moderately kind lord to his servants, but unlike the other fathers he had seen, this man seemed to treasure his three daughters more than his four sons and had assigned only the people he trusted to look after his oldest daughter.

“I guess you are doing well,” that was the first thing lord Yoon said to him after he had become a eunuch four years ago. He bowed, it was strange for him to talk with his former master without having to kneel down, still he knew how to keep his head low.

“Yes, my lord.”

“I will arrange a meeting with lord Ahn soon. His old friend, Head eunuch Jung, has been planning to adopt a son before his retirement, perhaps I can recommend you to him.”

“My lord,” he sputtered, “but that was—“

“Too soon?”

He nodded, most eunuchs were not adopted until they reached their late twenties, he was only eighteen. Head eunuch Jung was the most powerful eunuch in the palace, like lord Ahn Hyun, he too was a good judge of characters, an ordinary eunuch like him was just a wallflower that made no interesting personality for great men like them.

“There is no too soon, only too late. I am giving you a chance, a new life, only if you serve her well, Hwawan and her children.”

“With my life,” He nodded again, he might be a dull stone among the sharp rocks here, but he was not that dull, “my lord.”

Lord Yoon made an uncomfortable long exhale, a noise which made his mother and her fellow servants fall down on their knees trembling even though lord Yoon had never punished them before. The young eunuch felt his legs trembling and he wondered if he would fall down too, however, his legs held him up right with the delayed realization that lord Yoon was not his master anymore; it was his majesty, the king of Joseon, who held the lives of every servants of the palace in his palms.

He wondered what did lord Yoon have in his mind when he brought up head Eunuch Jung in the conversation. Surely he had not shown any usefulness, he could be just there, sitting and standing next to the walls, and telling his masters of things he had heard. He could not trust his own judgement, nor would he go as far as harming other’s lives like the people in the palace had done (and maybe have been doing— as he was sitting right now). What value in him that made lord Yoon deemed him worthy.

The awkward silence between him and lord Yoon stressed out into minutes. Every once in a while, the older man would turn to look at him, sometimes he could see how the ever calm gazes raked over his body from head to toe. It did not make him feel weird in any sense, the last time lord Yoon had seen him was when he left for the castrator’s hut, he was considered a small child and reached about his mother’s chin. Now even with his head bowed down, he towered over lord Yoon for about four inches.

Lord Yoon’s curiosity and his own anxiety finally came to an end when a door opened and someone barged into the courtyard. He knew who she was from the voice alone, “Father! Come to see me for the last time?”

Yoon Hwawan appeared in the doorway in her best costume, a pink dangui and a blue skirt that drove her youthful look more innocent than ever. Hwawan— no, royal concubine Yoon had changed from a chatty and joyful young girl with a long braid to a beautiful maiden with her raven hair tied into a bun, a phoenix-shaped hair pin reflecting the sunlight.

“Oh dear, that’s really you!” Royal concubine Yoon rushed to them in a modest manner but her eyes could not contain her utmost excitement. He looked at her hands beneath the dangui and could only keep a smile for himself since royal concubine Yoon always brought out her hands to shake in delight whenever she was surprised. “I haven’t seen you for years, it’s good to see you again!”

He bowed down, showing a little glimpse of a smile to tell that her overtly excitement was not only from her part.

“Mama,” the court lady behind her whispered in a stern voice and royal concubine Yoon shut her mouth at the instance, he took a look at the older lady and saw that she might be at the same age with royal concubine Yoon’s mother.

Though he might feel unsure about himself for most of the time, the eunuch was certain enough that he was glad to see her as well. Though her older brothers always assigned work for him, Hwawan was the one that always found some time to chat with any of the servants. She would ask them about the weather, the rumors in the market, the newest hanbok the richest merchant’s daughter had possessed, and somehow the one who always provided all the answers to the questions above was him. She laughed and said that he was like a secret agent in the tale she heard, but he laughed and said he was more like a rock, for nobody ever paid attention to a shy, quiet boy who followed the grown ups around to do tasks like him.

But that was many years ago, and though it was good to be close to her again, it would be better for royal concubine Yoon to be as taciturn as he was.

“I apologize,” Royal concubine Yoon’s mouth turned into a thin line, her eyes lost all mirth, “please come in and have a cup of tea with me, father.”

They left, leaving him with the solemn-looking court lady. As the father and the daughter conversed, so did he and the court lady, he later learnt that she was the head court lady serving under royal concubine Yoon, and also her maternal aunt. Lord Yoon really had sought only the people he could trust to serve his daughter, court lady Choi was definitely secured from their blood ties alone.

The life as the eunuch under royal concubine Yoon was simple. In the very first week, he had to accompany royal concubine Yoon to visit the other royal concubines, all of whom welcomed them with smiles and kind words. She was the youngest concubine in the palace, and she bowed down to the older ladies with submissiveness and listened to their advice with obedience, soon they all knew she was not a threat to be looked out for. Every concubine was a threat in their own way, but to them she was a typical daddy little girl who entered the palace under her father’s order, a father who had no political power on his own.

One day, the queen invited royal concubine Yoon for a walk in the palace garden. It was the first time he saw the queen closely. Before that, he knew that she was in her mid thirty, even older than the king, and she had lost all hopes of becoming the mother of the nation after two miscarriages. The queen was from the Andong Kim clan and was selected as the perfect match by the late queen dowager. As the oldest among the consorts of the monarch, her orders were deemed final.

Royal concubine Yoon’s spirit did not wane after strolling around the dark pond of the palace with the queen, it was him that could not get the chillness out of his bones. The pond was dark and gloomy even in summer, among the trading gossip of the eunuchs and the court ladies, one rumor said that this pond hid too many missing bodies, most of them were their preceding fellow servants. For them, this pond could be their final resting place if they were not cautious enough. He wondered if all the bodies in the pond were resting contentedly— there should be at least one of them that would not rest at the bottom of it forever; one of the corpses had to rise to tell someone of their ill fates...

The senior eunuch had told him years ago that there was nothing they could be secured of in this palace. Most people had not noticed that they had been too deep in the board games of the yangbans until it was too late.

“How then?” One of the trainee eunuchs had asked, “It’s not like we could deny their orders.”

“You did not notice that you had been used until it was too late. Right now we are the spare pawns waiting behind the line, you will not know when they nudge us into the path of the enemy.” The old eunuch answered, “The only time we get away from the board, it is when we die.”

The rustles of leaves with each blowing of wind sounded too much like a scream for him, sometimes, a wild set of emerging bubbles made him wonder if it was someone, or something, breathing beneath the silent waves, sending signs that they were watching, listening to the soft footsteps of the courtiers above.

Then after a month, it was time for concubine Yoon to spend her first night with the king. The preparation for the royal bedding began even a month before as court lady Choi had divided the list of things to do with him. The young eunuch had to consult with the royal physician, prepare for the meals with cold trait instead of warm, (May I ask why court lady Choi? He asked her out of pure curiosity and she answered that cold body temperature provided more chances for a son.)

If he had to say, the most awkward thing of the whole ritual was him hearing the bedding of the king and royal concubine Yoon from the start to the finish. She wasn’t scared, and though she was young she was not a blushing virgin, and the night finished as quickly as it had started. Royal concubine Yoon laughed when he did not dare looking at her face for the whole week, she taunted him that he was more a blushing virgin than her to the horrified expression of court lady Choi.

A year passed, the kings slept at her chamber for six times as he and court lady Choi kept counting, and despite their arduous effort for a royal prince or princess to be conceived, still royal concubine Yoon had shown no signs of pregnancy. Court lady Choi was getting more and more anxious as the royal concubine herself was more and more relieved everytime she woke up to the red liquid on her white bedsheet, she said that she would be too young to be a mother.

“His majesty is a kind and gentle man,” she said while sewing a butterfly on her new dangui; a habit of hers since she was a little girl. “I can see that he likes my presence enough to spend some time with me, but for me to bear him a child? His majesty does not wish for that.”

Lord Yoon was not happy to learn about his daughter’s laid back attitude, but he did not state out loud that he was disappointed, “So you had slept with him once in two months?”

“Three months at times, father.”

“And he slept with other concubines monthly…”

“Oh, goodness me.” She put her hand over her mouth,“It is improper for you to know about his majesty’s business with the other ladies, father.”

Lord Yoon harrumphed as she giggled, but he left without mentioning anything about his majesty’s night time business again. Royal concubine Yoon kept decorating the hem of her dangui with two smaller butterflies, unperturbed by the thought of having a child soon at all.

Two nights after that, while he was getting ready to bed in his own little chamber that he shared with his fellow eunuchs, he opened the door to find one of his friends sitting up on the mattress, head turned and face strained out as if he was listening to something. He crept up closer, their eyes met for once and he mouthed a silent ‘what?’ to the curious man.

“You did not hear that?” Danbi entered the palace in the same year with him, he was working in the department for rituals.

He tried to listen for a little longer, when what he could hear was only the snoring and the breathing of the sleeping eunuchs, he shook his head.

Danbi’s brows knotted, he turned his head to the paper screen again, “That is weird,” he stared out as if he could look through it to the small path behind their dorm that they had been using for a shortcut to the garden, “I thought I had heard something.”

“Someone was sneaking out again.” He shrugged, finally lost interest in the mysterious tale of him.

“It’s not that.” Danbi halted him by pulling at his shirt.

“I thought I heard a chant.”

He thought he had misheard it since Danbi was not one who loved to play a prank. “A chant?”

“It came from the garden...oh no, what if it was a spirit?”

He rolled his eyes at that comment, Danbi was the one that must have misheard it, “We do not mention ghosts at—”

His friend shot out a hand to cover his mouth and pulled him down to the mattress. He struggled, trying to free his mouth and tease his wimpy friend for being scared of ghosts, but Danbi made a quiet sound next to his ear— shhhhh.

The next second, they lied still as logs at the sound of heavy footsteps. Men— a group of men was heading to the garden where the source of that mysterious chant Danbi had mentioned came from. It was the imperial guards.

Even after the sound of the footsteps had died down and the snores of their ever sleeping roommates became the only thing they could hear beside their own drumming hearts. It took more than an hour for Danbi and him to get back to their beddings. They did not talk about the strange event that had just happened, but they were sure that they would find the answer for it in the morning.

As they had not mentioned the things they heard to anyone, his last resort of information came from the royal kitchen, where the court ladies and the eunuchs from every part of the palace met. He stood as quiet as he always was while waiting for the food prepared for royal concubine Yoon, his ears taking in all the news he needed. He had two things to give to royal concubine Yoon; the news and the breakfast.

Royal concubine Yoon, though she was not interested in bearing a son to the king, she was not that of an innocent girl who ignored what happened in the palace. She was always listening, and she knew she could rely on her ‘rock’ for the reports.

“Mama,” he started with a bow before recounting everything he had heard from the servants back at the royal kitchen. The news was confirmed by the arrival of court lady Choi, who was her other ‘rock’.

Apparently, the imperial guard was informed of an act of witchcraft in the palace. An anonymous personage came up with the complaint of noise in the stroke of midnight where the guard then dispatched to find a suspicious pair of straw dolls at the corner of the garden. The patrol guards then saw the court ladies in the residence of royal concubine Song crouching over the bed garden so they barged in. Who would believe that they were trying to fill the hole, many holes, in the courtyard with many, oh many straw dolls in there.

Royal concubine Yoon did not show any concern with his report but was rather surprised at court lady Choi’s one. The queen had ordered for royal concubine Song to be restricted in her residence; an investigation would be held soon.

He had seen disposed royal concubine Song twice, and both times he had agreed that she was more charming than his royal concubine Yoon whose beauty was that of a young maiden, or even the queen, who was an epitome of a classic beauty. People said that royal concubine Song had bewitched the king with her mysterious smile since the first time they had met each other as his majesty spent his night at her chamber twice a month. Now people knew how ‘bewitching’ she truly was.

“She didn’t have to do that…” Royal concubine Yoon said to him after hearing that she was subsequently deposed and exiled from the palace a week later, the investigation was quite a fast one. The disposed concubine Song was declared guilty from using black magic. “Anyone can see how his majesty loves her the most.”

“But she did not bear him a son, your highness,” he bowed, disposed royal concubine Song only gave birth to a stillborn daughter, and that was enough to make a concubine feel like a failure.

“Poor them,” She shook her head as she continued sewing the butterfly’s wing with the red thread, it was the final part of the pattern before it would be done. “His majesty had told me that she was very kind, and yet she was very lonely.”

“She would say that so his majesty would spend a night with her, your highness.”

“She didn’t have a talkative eunuch like you beside her. If she had you as her companion then she would definitely be less lonely.”

He didn’t know what to say after that so he let the conversation end, he had to stand firm on his ground that this servant here was not that talkative like royal concubine Yoon had said.

Two weeks after that, the news came to them that the king had ordered a bowl of poison to the house of the disposed royal concubine Song. Her brother and her mother, along with her close court ladies and eunuchs, all sentenced to death. The young court lady at the royal kitchen told him how plain the disposed royal concubine was in the face of death, the most charming woman of the royal palace died at the age of thirty, in the ragged white cloth that dyed in red from the blood that choked out of her mouth, and a simple piece of wooden hairpin in her raven hair.

He listened to her and relayed it to royal concubine Yoon, who showed him her finished yellow dangui with colorful butterflies and peonies at the bottom. Although she might not have shown her pity at the demise of the disposed royal concubine Song, she paused for a while then asked him and court lady Choi if they could accompany her to visit a temple tomorrow.

“It’s our duty to follow you everywhere, mama.” Court lady Choi bowed, “but tomorrow it will be only me.”

“Why?” Royal concubine Yoon turned to face him, “You have something to do besides following me?”

“No, mama, I have no idea.” He replied quickly while turning to court lady Choi, he was as dumbfounded as their master now.

Court lady Choi glanced at him, “Your highness,” she started, before proceeding to tell him that lord Yoon had requested to see him outside of the palace. Royal concubine Yoon was not happy to hear that but she allowed him to go, though quipping a little that traveling with court lady Choi alone would be more exhausting than the trip itself.

The next morning, he donned a brown civilian coat for the first time after wearing the green uniform every day for years and headed out of the palace gate to the destination given by court lady Choi; a grand villa outside of the city wall where the shadow of mount Namsan loomed behind.

“The Haewon Cho clan is suffering.”

That was the first thing lord Yoon told him after a year. The execution of the disposed royal concubine Song had shaken the stability of every clan, one dead concubine meant one blow to the vital point of the political factor she belonged to. Next to lord Yoon was the retired head eunuch Jung judging him with his eagle-like eyes, even out of the palace the white haired man still exuded the strength of the tiger, he knew that this was the chance lord Yoon had told him about long ago.

“They would not dare offer another woman soon, this is our chance to uproot their influence right away, lord Yoon, and I hope your subordinates are well prepared in this crusade against the Jo.”

“Indeed they are,” Lord Yoon hummed, “he is the eunuch I have mentioned to you, lord Jung, he has proved his loyalty to my daughter and my family, he can be trusted.”

Retired head eunuch Jung surged forward a little to take a closer look at his face, “I do not doubt your judgement, lord Yoon, but even the most foolish guard dog is loyal.”

“Sir,” Lord Yoon nodded but said nothing more as he let the older man inspect every inch of the young eunuch’s face. At first he felt like cowering away from that pair of searching eyes but decided against it, this was his chance to prove his usefulness to the yangban and he would not waste it, so he sat still with his chin held up high.

“His eyes are drooping… this one has a kind heart and a gentle soul, but high cheekbones mean he is true to himself. Let me see your teeth then— ah good, all white and pretty, good good, your hand there? Ah— your fingers are long and white, your nails are pink. You are one healthy man indeed.”

“Sir.” He bowed down and his forehead almost touched the wooden floor. He could hear the old man chuckling at his behavior, he was never good at holding a conversation with people from the higher class, never.

The old man did not show approval of him yet, but neither did he show disdain. “Stand up.”

He did as he was told, retired head eunuch Jung motioned his finger in a circle and he turned around slowly to his back.

“He is very tall…” The older man shook his head, “You would have made a handsome young groom to a lucky girl out there, my dear boy. Tell me, how is your score?”

It took him seconds to find a voice in him to answer, “Good, sir. I have never scored lower than halves, sir.”

“He learnt how to read when he was fairly young, lord Jung, my daughter had taught him when he was a servant at my place.”

“And if I may guess, that daughter you mentioned is the royal concubine Yoon, is it not?”

“Correct, sir.”

“I thought so, but a credit should be given to the student as well, lord Yoon, it took many years for a scholar to excel in Hanja, you said this young lad here went to the palace when he was 14, your daughter must be 12 at most, therefore he must have learnt Hanja in a very short time.”

“Sir.”

The older man chuckled again before turning to look at him, “I was right, you do look like a smart one. Young man, I am old now, and I have no heir at the age of seventy. Will you agree to be my legal son and continue the Jung family’s line?”

There is no too soon, the words from lord Yoon rang in his head as he looked up to both men watching him. He gulped, a little part of his mind warned him that it was too soon, he wondered if this was a test, for clearly he had not proven himself to be of use enough to them.

Still he bowed down, and this time he let his forehead touch the floor. “Sir, I would be forever grateful for your kindness,” His voice was trembling, but he did not know if it was from the excitement, or the agitation.

“Now, now,” Lord Jung’s laugh rumbled against the wall, the wind blowing and brushing the leaves of the trees and carrying his merry voice down the hill, “I finally have a son! Too bad my late wife was not here to see your face. She always adored those neat, comely lads.”

When he said farewell to his ‘father’, (he was still not used to having a male parental figure, his own father had died when he was two,) and headed back to the town with lord Yoon and other servants under the afternoon sky, lord Yoon did not say anything to him until they saw the walls of Hanyang at the horizon.

“I am glad you chose it.” The lord started, “He is a good man, he will take care of you well.”

Eunuch Jung thought it was too soon to say since his mind was not already sharpened by time and experiences as the older man’s, he was a fairly poor judge of character. Still he thought that lord Yoon was very wise in choosing his words, his father could be as ‘good’ as he had said.

“You will gain access to more information, you will learn of our plans and doings, and I hope that you will be more than loyal to my daughter, and her children.”

“Sir,” he bowed, at this point he had learnt to be more protective than ever, royal concubine Yoon’s life was worth more than his own. “I can assure you that.”

Lord Yoon hummed in his throat and they continued their journey in silence.

But his mind was everything but silence, as eunuch Jung kept debating back and forth with himself that this was the right thing to do. A small part of his mind— the same one that had alerted him that it was too soon— disagreed, telling him that he was being used, that he voluntarily let himself be used as the pawn of the yangban.

Soon you will end up there in the pond, it warned, you will be lost, remembered as one of those poor servants who died for the lost cause—but you will deserve no pity. You chose this on your own.

The venomous voice became quieter and quieter as the palace gate came closer and closer to his views. As he showed his nametag to the guard, the other voices triumphed over the dying caution of his wary part. No, he thought as he headed to his room to change back into his uniform, I will not end up forgotten like them. Let me be the pawn with ears, let me be the pawn with eyes, let me be the pawn that sees where the path shall lead me.

Let me be the pawn that gets out of this game, alive.

Chapter Text

When he came to his senses, the first thing he saw was the bleary shape of a man sitting farther away from him. He blinked once and the excruciating pain shot through from every tip of his fingers to his head, eunuch Jung heaved as he tried to take in a breath. Looking down, he could see the ends of the needles emerging from under his nails— the dungeon, that was where he was now.

As he tried to recall the memory before he woke up tied to this chair with his face, hair, and upper body drenched in cold water, the man whom he still could not identify coughed and turned to speak with the guard. His vision was extremely blurry, his ears too, was somewhat deafened, it might be from the blows he earned across his face— he thought the last thing he had listened to was the scream that ripped from his throat, and a woman’s scr—

He ignored the sharp pain on his neck, he turned to the chair to his right where she had been tied to before he lost his consciousness. Court lady Choi was not there anymore, even with his faded eyesight, the chair was clearly empty.

“Looking for your associate? Eunuch Jung?” The man asked. He remembered now that it was the officer under lord Cho Hak-ju, a man from the Song clan, a distant relative of the late disposed royal concubine Song.

His body still heaving with each inhalation, he could feel the inside of his mouth crack, bitter liquid of mortal taste dripping down his throat when he tried to repeat what he had been saying for the past torturous hours-- or was it days? One could not tell times in this dungeon.

“I do not know what you are talking about, my lord.” He licked his lips, his mouth had been drying after a long time without water, “please, my lord, we are guiltless”

Officer Song made a noise that sounded so much like lord Cho when he was cackling in victory, those yangbans… always the only ones with the privilege to act like they own everything, even the king would not laugh that way. He had heard lord Cho Hak-ju bellowing like that in the presence of the king, it was at the banquet organized for the prince’s fourth birthday.

He never trusted men who laughed like that, and he hoped the prince would learn to avoid them too.

“That wrench,” The officer nodded to the empty chair, “could not hold out any more so we moved her to the other part now.”

“Court lady Choi is as guiltless as I am, please, we know nothing, my lord.”

“Are we playing games here? Eunuch Jung?” He hit the table with his fist, “Shall I give you another fifty lashes before you finally admit to your crime?”

“My lord, I have told you everything that I know.” Eunuch Jung kept on pleading to no avail, his thighs still hurt from the pair of wooden sticks that tore his tendon and muscles apart. Not to mention his back, he believed there was no blank space left, his skin was all shredded and torn and every once in a while the colour of blood would seep out to drench his cloth in red.

“I see that will be too gentle for you, traitor.” Officer Song gestured the signal to the two men, “Go on with that.”

The pain that he had never felt before seared from his abused thigh down to his knees, flaring up along his spine as if the criss-crossed sticks were made of hot steel. He tried to grit his teeth as hard as possible, but once a small groan came out it was easier for a long, suffering wail to follow. He let out a scream from his lungs until he couldn’t breathe. When his howl finally turned into fits of coughing, the men put away the sticks and he let himself lie back to the chair behind, gulping down air with his wide-open mouth.

The officer snickered, “Never learned a lesson, eunuch Jung, will you finally admit to your crime at last?”

He shook his head as he eagerly swallowed the musky air of the underground dungeon, formed by countless bloods, tears, and deaths. He had shown his tears to them when the needles were first inserted under his nails, he had nothing to save now but his innocence. His dignity— was all lost.

When his silence became the only answer he could offer, the tormentor huffed. “Your court lady friend, what was her name…? Choi Minyoung?”

Was, eunuch Jung didn’t let the word slip, he quickly turned his head to officer Song, was?

“You heard it right,” He could see the man nod, his mouth stretched into a smile, “as I have mentioned, that woman could not bear the pain, but she finally admitted that she had committed the crime.”

He kept staring blankly at the blurred face of officer Song. Court lady Choi? Admitted that she committed the crime? She would be the last of their comrades to reveal lord Ahn and lord Yoon’s plan to overthrow the Cho clan, she would keep her mouth shut even when she had nothing left to lose.

“But such a heinous act could not be done on her own. With four of her five fingers missing, she told me one name.” Officer Song continued, “Now, eunuch Jung, your fingers look better attached to your hand, surely you know how to save your own life and your fingers too?”

He ended the question like that, leaving some time for the eunuch to come up with an answer. His mind became hazier whereas his ears and his eyes became clearer, now he could see that he was the only prisoner in this room, officer Song was accompanied by two of his guards and two more guards at the door to his left, behind his own chair, two men standing with the sticks in their hands.

He realized then, as he should have noticed long before when he was lashed, or when he was hit repeatedly on his face— that there would be no rescue coming, the only way out of this place was to die— the only way for the pawn to get out of the board was to die.

“You want a name…” The start of the sentence was broken as his throat still stung, “A name, that is what you want…”

Officer Song’s eyes narrowed, this might not be what he had expected. He might have wished for eunuch Jung to miss one or two fingers before he confessed or kept his secret to his own grave. “Go on.”

He exhaled.

“It’s minister Cho Hakju.”

The dungeon went silent for a while before the one who served under the now-accused man bellowed out the loudest laugh he had ever heard as if eunuch Jung just had finished the funniest joke of all time. Officer Song laughed so hard that his hand was banging down on the desk several times and sent the scrolls dancing down to the floor.

“Oh my,” The man had to bring up one hand to brush away his tears, “I have no idea that lord Jung’s son is such a jester. A eunuch, a killer, a twister, and now a clown, what more are you hiding up your sleeves, eunuch Jung?”

“It’s true, you know it’s true, my lord.” He insisted, two can play this game, “Lord Cho had sent your relative to be his majesty’s concubine and bear him a son, he lost his chance then so he took revenge on the poor royal concubine Yoon, did he not?”

“A storyteller it seems. Is there any reason for me to keep you alive this long except that your father is lord Jung, whom I had enough respect to return his son alive.”

A thought came up to him, a random one, that it would make no difference to him whether he got out of this dungeon or not. They still had many pawns left, and the Cho clan did not have enough pawns either.

He chuckled, eunuch Jung had nothing left to lose now but his life, even Cho Hakju would get nothing from a man already three parts dead.

“A baseless claim.” Officer Song opened a book with a yellowish cover; the reports from the royal physician. “Well, what about this one? The doctor said that royal concubine Yoon’s internal organs were destroyed by acid, a poison only imported from the Ming traders.”

The fact that they had cut her open made him sick to the bone...and he learned at last of how much pain royal concubine Yoon had to endure for years. She told him once in the early time of her illness how she felt scorched from the inside, like somebody was trying to rip open her stomach.

Eunuch Jung raised his chin high, eyes boring straight into the other man’s soul. “And what of it?”

“Some witnesses said that they had seen you in the company of a man in the trading district. Could it be— that this man was the source of the lethal poison that killed royal concubine Yoon?”

It was his turn to laugh, though it was far quieter and drier than officer Song’s but it was the best that his damaged throat could do. Too bad his hands were bound to the chairs or else he would have clapped like an amused yangban. “Not bad for a minister like you, my lord, your story is rather… compelling?”

“You did not answer my question, eunuch Jung.”

“One does not need to reply to a story told from a little bird, my lord.”

Officer Song’s smile vanished at last, he pushed aside the scroll and the notebook and clasped his hands together. “Very well,” He stared back at him, a glimpse in his eye told eunuch Jung that there was much more pain awaiting for him. “I will search for that man throughout Joseon if I can, and when I find him, I will bring out the truth from him with my own hands.”

With that, he signaled the men, and eunuch Jung felt the weights reforming between his legs. He braced himself for the pain, he knew that if he survived, the torn muscles might not be enough for him to walk again.

His period of torment was abruptly cut by the arrival of an imperial guard who ran straight to the officer. Officer Song craned his neck to listen and stood up before the guard could even finish his report. The man turned to look at him, face black in an unreadable expression.

For a second they both looked at each other, officer Song was the one that looked away first. He wondered for a moment of the possibility of such news that made officer Song’s face lose all of its colors. What was it this time? The king is dead? The queen is dead?

Or the young prince?

As he watched the hem of officer Song’s robe disappear into the dark corridor, the two men resumed pushing their sticks and his sense was lost into the world full of pain.

Two weeks after he was officially registered as the ‘son’ of retired head eunuch Jung (whom he slowly got used to calling the other ‘father’ now). He learnt all that he needed to know to assist with their plan; their fellow associates, their spies, and their hideouts. Apart from him, court lady Choi was the only one in the residence of royal consort Yoon that was involved in their grand scheme.

Life as the ‘son’ of retired head eunuch Jung gave him new feelings that he had never known before. His father had hosted the banquet and called for many beautiful gisaengs to show their skills at the party. Enticing spectacles enchanted him for hours until his father called two of the ladies to ‘entertain’ them in their private room where he introduced Jinhee and Seonsoo, their fellow associates. Both women and his father then engaged in a long conversation about poetry and arts while he himself could only sit there, faking interest in the things they said. It seemed he still had a lot to learn until he could be the perfect son for retired head eunuch Jung.

Before they left, Jinyee flashed a typical looking white fan at him, she was a tall woman with a small mole under her right eye, a small little dot that added a sense of peculiarity to her charm. He blinked, did not know the meaning behind the gesture as her mouth spread into a grin.

“You are staring at me, young master…” she drawled, her voice was as sweet as honey, “which one is more beautiful; the fan? Or my face?”

“The fan.” He replied without thinking. A perfect answer that drew a laugh out from her.

“If I may suggest, young master Jung. You can find a fan like this in the marketplace, the merchant who sold it to me is quite a stunning man himself.”

He blinked again, trying to see why she felt a need to tell him about some handsome vendors. “Thank you, I will see if I can find one too.”

She closed the fan with a smile before reaching out a hand to him, eunuch Jung walked closer to her and she grabbed his arm while they started heading out to the courtyard; where the group of gisaengs with their guards were preparing for their journey back.

“I hope I will see one in your hand the next time we meet.” She put the end of the fan at the corner of her red lips. He nodded stiffly for he still was not used to being this close to a woman even though he had been spending every day with them for two years by now.

As they reached the door to the courtyard, Jinyee patted his arm softly before leaving his side, still she stopped and turned around to face him one last time. “You are very sweet, young master Jung, but there is no need to thank me at all.”

She giggled when he stared back at her in confusion— again, “There is no need to thank a gisaeng, young master, or else people will take it that you are even lower than the likes of me.”

And she left to join her friends at the gate. With their hats over their lovely faces and their skirts hiking up, they made their way back to the courtesan house in the town.

Less than a week later; still in his learning period to know the necessary things, he was told to visit the rundown jewelry stand in the marketplace. It was another day of many that he had to leave court lady Choi with royal concubine Yoon, (with the latter’s irritation, she was getting enough of court lady Choi’s presence), eunuch Jung in the same brown coat took the left turn and found himself in front of the inn, his eyes scanning for the various stalls that made it into two long rows to the end of the road. Somewhere among those stores, there was a jewelry stand manned by a deaf old woman, who would remember his face as their new ally.

The sun had moved from the far east until it settled right over his head and yet he still could not find it, good thing he was wearing a gat, but still the heavy fabric was making it hard for him to breath. He took a break at the shadowy corner of the street and widened his collars, why did it take him so long to find that one stall? A rundown jewelry stand, an old lady— he had to look for these two things from the stands and yet he saw none of them together. If he found a jewelry stand, it was crewed with a man or a middle aged woman, if he found an old lady, she was manning a food stall or was walking with her grandkids.

But he could not walk straight to someone and ask for the location of the jewelry stand manned by an old woman. People had mistaken him as a son of a well off family, what business did a young master have with poor old grandma then?

He took a deep breath and took the left turn at the inn again, tracking the previous routes and keeping his eyes on every stall he passed for the third time of the day.

Eunuch Jung kept walking and walking until the end of the third alley appeared to his eyes. He could not give up, his father had instructed him that he must see them today as he had left the palace too many times already. He swayed to the left to let a cart pass by and his eyes caught a basket of familiar looking white fans— down there on the stall.

He looked up immediately and saw that it was not a jewelry stall. There were baskets of many pieces of jewelry on the other side of the table, but there were also fans, accessories, and shoes as well. It was not a jewelry stand, it was more like an accessory store, and he mistook it as such from the first two times he walked past it.

Worse than that, the only person he could see with the stall was a young man of his age or maybe younger. He was lying with his back against the wall of the house behind, his hair tied up in a loose bun. He looked like someone who did not know how to properly handle the trade in any slightest.

The man noticed him standing in front of his rundown shop at last. He opened his mouth, showing his white rabbit teeth in doing so before speaking to him with a surprisingly soft, calm voice. “Looking for a piece of jewelry for your sweetheart?”

At first thought, this man too, must have mistaken him for a young scholar wandering around in the marketplace.

He shook his head. “I am looking for a diamond in the rough.”

It was a scripted question and a scripted answer, this was the ‘rundown jewelry stand’ he meant to be.

“Then you are looking for the right place.” The man stood up and eunuch Jung inadvertently took a step back— that man was even taller than him, who was already the tallest of the eunuchs in the palace. The tall man got up just to bow at him clumsily before turning to the door and opening it. In the small room, an old lady was sitting there with baskets of wooden hairpins and small pieces of colorful stones. The old grandma turned to look at them both and smiled…so she was the ‘old woman’ who manned the rundown accessory stall…

He almost bowed down out of common courtesy but she turned to the man instead and then both started a conversation through their hand gestures, which eunuch Jung knew nothing about.

After what seemed to be a long and serious talk, the man said to him.

“Well, it’s good to see you at last.” His eyes went to focus on the rabbit teeth again, “took you long enough.”

He frowned at the words, “I was told to meet the old woman here.”

“And now she knows your face.”

He waited, and the man did not say another word so he huffed out a laugh in disbelief, “What? Are you going to send me back?”

“Is that not the purpose of today then?” The man shrugged, “Now you know the place, you know me, and you know her. That is all he needs.”

He tried to decipher which ‘he’ was the man talking about. His father? Lord Yoon? Or lord Ahn? He still could not get rid of the thought that these were tests to prove his brain and his loyalty. He wished he could be as laid back as this man somehow.

“But I do not know you.” He said.

The man didn’t seem to be bothered with the fact, “We know who you are, and that is enough.”

“I do not even know your name.”

“I do not know yours either.”

Eunuch Jung felt his mouth open in an o-shape, something he unknowingly did when he was surprised and he always realized a little too late, royal concubine Yoon loved to tease him for being too easy to ridicule. He pulled the tip of his gat down and hoped that the shadow would hide it.

“You understand now, right?” The man asked and he nodded as an answer. They would call him lord Jung’s son or a much simpler title; the eunuch. He believed it was more likely the first, he could not be the only eunuch in their plan, could he?

Back on his mattress, he realized with a bad mood that he also had forgotten to buy the white fan. So that man was the ‘stunning merchant’ Jinyee had told him.

Stunning merchant, he huffed, since the other man would not give him his name, eunuch Jung would call him ‘rabbit-faced’ until given other choices, (which he highly doubted it.) Jinyee could call him the ‘handsome vendor’ as long as she liked but eunuch Jung would rather settle for something akin to a long eared rodent with prominent front teeth.

Royal concubine Yoon’s temper, however, was positively jovial since she knew from court lady Choi that he would no longer be needed outside for a long while. “Finally!” She cried, “Court lady Choi here had been irking me a lot while you were absent.”

Court lady Choi’s face showed no reaction, her strictness was a solid proof that she was the most loyal servant without any doubt. Eunuch Jung himself could only bow, it seemed that him standing and waiting at her beck and call were enough to lift her mood. He wondered too why she preferred him over court lady Choi, for he was as reticent as her, though with less strictness.

Someday later, lord Yoon came to visit the palace. Often enough, he came to check on his favorite daughter and tell her the news of her siblings and every time eunuch Jung and court lady Choi would stand at the door outside of the room to keep their eyes on the other servants, though their conversations were always mild and boring.

This time, however, after he took the tray of sweets to the table between them, bowed, and excused himself to the door, court lady Choi stepped in front of him at the threshold. She looked at him, her gazes stern and unreadable as ever.

“Stay there.”

Glancing back at lord Yoon and the royal concubine, he could see two empty faces and two pairs of eyes looking blankly on the floor below. There must be a serious conversation that occurred while he was walking back and forth, in and out of the residence to prepare their meal. Court lady Choi gestured for him to take a step back into the room and she shut the door right in front of his face.

“Eunuch Jung.” The man said, “Come and sit here.”

On the other side of the door, the vague outline of court lady Choi stood still at her usual place. Knowing that he had nowhere else to go, eunuch Jung turned and followed the order. He lowered himself down to the floor facing royal concubine Yoon, and when he dared raise his eyes to look, he saw that her small lips were bleeding.

For a second he stared at her, the liquid painted red the pink color she put on in the morning with the balm, and when she gaped to take in some breath, her front teeth were also drenched in the same red tone.

Lord Yoon turned to ask him from his right. “It was you, was it not?”

It was the question he had not prepared for, as the rest of his body went rigid, his eyes met with the young woman’s before him. It was no more than a second and he looked away to bow down. “My lord, I have no idea what—”

“Do not lie to me.” The older man’s voice shifted and there was a sound of something being thrown on the floor. From the corners of his eyes, a dozen of papered packages were scattered before lord Yoon. “It was yours, eunuch Jung. These poisons come from your room.”

“My lord!” He did not know how he managed to form even a word, his hands and his feet were numbed, cold, frozen by the accusation, all of his muscles turned weightless and weak. “It’s not— please forgive me, my lord.”

“So it really was you. You put the medicine into her meal each time the king came to lie with her—”

“Father, stop—”

“—so that she could not conceive a son—”

“—please, it is not—”

“—what should I do with this vileness of you, should I tell this to lord Jung that his son has been sabotaging our plan long before he was adopted?”

“My lord!” He could not keep his head bowed down any longer, anything but that, “please don’t tell lord Jung. Sir, I beg of you.”

“Father! It was me!” Royal concubine Yoon shouted, finally drawing her father's attention. “I told Eunuch Jung to find me the medicine.”

“I had been speculating that it was the queen’s doing or the Cho’s, but never have I ever thought that it was yours. Is this how you repay me? Eunuch Jung, is this the way to show your loyalty?”

“He just followed my orders. Father.”

“Your highness, this is unacceptable! Our family is at risk because of your selfishness and your arrogance!”

“My selfishness and my arrogance!” She shrieked, “It was you who put me in the palace and for what cause!? To be a queen? To bear his majesty a prince!?”

“We are playing a long game here and we cannot fail because of one—” he jabbed his forefinger at her, “—of one foolish young girl.”

Royal concubine Yoon’s mouth gaped open as she struggled to keep her composure, she had never shouted since she learned how to behave like a proper lady. “You cannot make me bear his child.” She snarled.

Lord Yoon’s glare had changed, and for once eunuch Jung knew why his mother had to drop down and begged for her master’s forgiveness even when she had done nothing wrong— even when she was just minding her own tasks, there was something in his eyes that made him want to cower away. “Nine times, nine chances we had got and you had wasted it all. Good thing we still can fix it, eunuch Jung must have learned his faults.”

“Sir,” His voice shook while he stared down to his trembling hands. No word could right this situation, no action could change the stoic heart of lord Yoon.

“Tell me, eunuch Jung. Did you really search for the medicine because she asked you so?”

“Pleas—”

“Tell me.”

His first thought was to look at royal concubine Yoon’s face, it was always his instinct to get her approval. The muscle on his neck shifted as he fought to stay still on the floor, he did not look up at all. “Yes, my lord.”

“And you put that medicine into her food when you took her meal from the kitchen, every time his majesty was going to come for the night, because she asked you so as well?”

At this moment, hundreds of nameless faces appeared in his mind, eunuch Jung wondered who it was that had been watching him. Who among them told this to lord Yoon? Did they keep their eyes on him since before or after he was adopted? Did someone see him outside the palace? What would become of him after he answered that question?

He took a deep breath and shut his eyes tight, lord Yoon was not a patient man, “Yes…” He answered, “yes I did, my lord.”

He heard lord Yoon let out a long exhale, there was a long silence haunting the room for a long while, where he could only watch the back of his hands on the wooden boards, legs numbed and back burned. Two noises pounded in his ears, one was his labor breathing and one was his heart beating, eventually there was the third noise emerging, telling him that it was over.

He tried to shoo the last voice away, one, he started counting the line of wrinkles on his hands instead.

Two, three, four… four lines on the first knuckle of his left little finger.

When he counted the second knuckles of his right index finger, lord Yoon eventually put an end to the suffering silence. “Court lady Choi will manage your meals from now on, your highness, and we will make sure that you have the proper morsel for more chances of pregnancy.”

Royal concubine Yoon said nothing, but she must have reacted in some way because the man then turned to address him next. “You have been a faithful servant to my daughter and my family, eunuch Jung, therefore I shall keep this day a secret from your father. Though a novice in parenting, retired head eunuch Jung does not take disobedience kindly.”

While the words were sinking in, lord Yoon called for court lady Choi and assigned all of his duties to her, he could still run errands in the palace but shall no longer be responsible for the foods and drinks. Lord Yoon departed without a farewell, and the older woman was the only one who bowed after his back, him and royal concubine Yoon were still rooted to the floor, facing down on their hands and listening to the footsteps of the man became quieter and quieter.

He did not know how long they both stuck in their stupor, when he came to his senses, it was already evening and court lady Choi walked in with a table full of extravagant dishes, all were foods prepared for the royal concubine days in advance before the king would come. The strength finally returned to his limbs and eunuch Jung gathered himself up to his numbed feet, he moved away to let court lady Choi set down the dinner.

As he went back to his usual place at the door, he heard court lady Choi beckon the royal concubine to eat, had his footsteps been a little bit louder he would not have managed to catch the almost whispered reply.

“Put it away,” the young woman said, eyes staring blankly at the screen. “I am not hungry.”

“Mama,” court lady Choi tried again, “please try—”

The sound of royal concubine Yoon’s hand slapping against the table made his body jerk, “Court lady Choi,” she said through her gritted teeth, her eyes flashing dangerously in a way he had never seen before, “did you put something in the food?”

It wasn’t much of a surprise that the older lady bowed down and admitted quite calmly, undisturbed by both the harshness and the venom laced in her voice, “Yes, mama, a medicine to help you preg—”

“Then eat it yourself.”

“I am afraid I cannot, mama, it is made for you and you—”

“Then throw it away, if you are not going to eat it.”

And when court lady Choi offered no answer she turned to him instead, “Eunuch Jung, take these away and give them to those bitches outside of the palace.”

Still caught in the tempestuous turn of events throughout the afternoon, he felt like he had lost his ability to form a speech and a logical answer. He did not know how to act, he did not even know how to react to the order— he could— he could only stare back at her face—

He did not know how to stand still with his hands and his legs shaking like leaves.

Court lady Choi stepped forward and repeated what she had said, “Mama, I am afraid you cannot do that.”

“What is it, eunuch Jung? Are you not heeding my command anymore?” She grabbed a small couch from the mattress and threw it in his direction, the pillow fell down feet away in front of him. Another pillow followed a second later. “You traitor—” A book. “forgot your own place—” Two books. “Think that you are better just because someone adopted you!?”

“Mama!” His legs gave up and he fell down, knees knocking on the floor loud enough over the shouting, “please, I do not know how—” he really did not, “but I’ve never told anyone of this, mama! I swear!”

“Of course you have not,” Court lady Choi uttered above him as her face angling lower to look straight into his eyes, “I thought you should have known by now, eunuch Jung—”

Her chastise got cut abruptly by the sharp sounds of chopsticks bouncing up and down the wood. Royal concubine Yoon looked at them both with the same gaze her father had, the cold stare that pushed him back deeper into the floor to shy away from her wrath.

“Mama…” He could cry, he could beg for her forgiveness, he could ask for another chan—

“News travels fast in here, and you two are no longer children.” Court lady Choi still showed no emotion, stern and stiff as she always was, “So stop all of this commotion, eunuch Jung, do stand up, you are dismissed.”

That was a moment where he came to realize how a weak-willed man he had come to be, there was a second where he hesitated to move as he tried to catch royal concubine Yoon’s eyes; her eyes were red with tears threatening to fall. She rarely cried, Yoon Hwawan did not even shed a tear during her dear grandfather’s funeral.

Don’t you go, her gazes screamed at him, who told you to go?

Court lady Choi coughed and he hurriedly rose up to his feet and made haste to the door. He did not forget to bow down to her and did not miss a droplet of water that fell down to her reddened cheek.

“Eunuch Jung, who told you to go?”

The sound of something heavy racing through the air, letting out the loud wheeze— whoosh, and passing inches away from his head before a loud noise followed on the floor— clank!

Down the dark wooden floor boards, rice along with pieces of white marble were scattered around, many of them were stuck on his shoes and the hem of his dress, peppering the dark fabrics with their pasty color.

“Eunuch Jung, come back here, look at me! I say look at me!”

“Mama!”

“Shut your mouth!” Another dish was thrown and this time he had lost all the abilities to react, the cacophony of porcelain breaking down into thousand pieces could not jerk him out of his frozen state, there were invisible roots digging down from his feet to the soil under.

When court lady Choi rushed to take his arm he could not fight her at all. She tossed him out of the room, telling him to go… somewhere… to some places where he could gather his senses while royal concubine Yoon did the same. By the time he got to the desolated storage room where people stocked up old cabinets and wardrobes, a perfect place for junior court ladies or eunuchs to express their weaknesses, eunuch Jung hid himself in the deepest corner of the room between a cabinet and a shelf and cried his heart out. He wept there until sunlight left the sky and all those surrounding him were darkness, he wept until his voice turned hoarse. By the time his nose stopped running and his body stopped jerking with random hiccups, he went back to his room.

The week after that was a period of long torment where the royal concubine did not talk to him, not even acknowledging his presence in the room. She turned to ask and call for court lady Choi and other women instead, when he came closer to take away the table she would look past him to the screen behind. It was a week where the only connection with other humans were resorted to the smallest nods and gestures, glances and stares, and when the week turned into two, eunuch Jung started to think that maybe… maybe the pond in the royal garden was not that bad at all.

Fortunately, by the end of the third week the royal concubine finally saw him, as if he finally appeared out of thin air, and she talked to him as if those long agonizing weeks were his imaginative nightmare. The smile and the underlying adoration were not there but he went back to the same storage that evening, crying his heart out between the same cabinet and shelf. Oh, how he would hate to be at the receiving end of her utmost detestation again, how he rather be hit with porcelain bowls again and again than be deprived from her attention.

Some weeks later, royal concubine Yoon woke up with a terrible nausea, she turned down her morning meals and begged to stay in bed longer, and while he was away to fetch a royal physician, she threw up in the chamber pot.

He could imagine the other men’s faces when they heard of the news. Lord Yoon would accept this wonderful news with his never-changing face, rubbing his beard with his fingers before nodding. His father, lord Jung, would bellow a laugh and hit his thigh repeatedly before giving his own opinion about the royal family.

Lord Ahn, the mastermind of this so-called grand scheme would be delighted, whereas lord Cho would be frustrated.

But in the chamber of royal concubine Yoon, some of the younger servants were joyful over the news of the baby, saying that a young woman could easily deliver a child and give his majesty an heir to the throne at last. Eunuch Jung stood there in his usual place, court lady Choi sat down next to the mattress where the pregnant royal concubine Yoon lay down with her gazes vacant and wide. Court lady Choi was busy with the bowls of medicine that the royal physician had prepared for her so she did not see when royal concubine Yoon turned to face the door.

Their eyes met, and they both held each other gazes as long as possible. He still had not talked to her apart from the basic words like ‘yes’ and ‘mama’ and there were several words he dared not to utter. He wished he could do something for her, could at least say something the way a brother said to a distressed sister, but right there he could only look at her— and after a long while, give her one nervous smile.

She stared back before returning a forceful one of her own. They had passed the point of crying and cursing, they had passed the point where they could get out of the chess board alive long ago. Now they only had to move forward and eunuch Jung gave her a silent vow that he would get all of them to the other side of the board alive,

All three of them.

Chapter Text

Hang-ah, Hang-ah, my dear Hang-ah, how are you doing?

Oh mommy, let’s not talk about it, I can’t describe.

It’s been only a few years since I was gone, why are you crying already?

Mommy, it’s too tough. It’s too tough.

I am sad, that tears my heart, I am really sad. Hang-ah, my dear Hang-ah, I am so sad because you are sad.

A week after the festival of Baekjung, royal concubine Yoon gave birth to the first son of his majesty.

The birth of the prince was facile. Not an hour later, the royal concubine took the little bundle into her arms, her face was still red and tired after the arduous task, but she gave him a small smile when the little prince blinked up to his mother. The infant looked like any infant; red and bubbly and frowny, but apart from that the royal physician had happily announced that the young prince was in perfect health.

“What about royal concubine Yoon?” The king required, though his majesty had frequenced the palace enough, this was the first time eunuch Jung saw him smile broadly.

“Perfect as well, your majesty.” The royal physician answered, “I can assure you that royal concubine Yoon will recover soon.”

Chang, the prince's name was Lee Chang.

“I hope he has his majesty’s tall physique, I am rather small.” Royal concubine Yoon said as she watched her son sleeping peacefully next to her. “Eunuch Jung, what do you think? Does he look more like his majesty or me?”

He glanced at the baby whose face was still red and bubbly, brows knitted tightly even in his sleep, (he could not help but think that this boy must already know how complicated his life as the first born of the king will be.)

“I cannot tell, your highness…” He told the truth, the prince looked like any baby, he could not tell if the baby prince would take on his mother's small eyes or his majesty’s prominent nose.

Royal concubine Yoon chuckled, she then asked another palace maid, then another one, until all of them had given their opinions. “Well…” She sighed, bringing one hand to caress her son softly on his head, “My baby, I hope you will grow up healthy and happy, surrounded with people who love you, and be with the one you love.”

“It shall be like that, mama,” Court lady Choi nodded, he could see that; court lady Choi taking strict care of prince Chang and leaving no chance for harm to befall him.

It had been many seasons ago since the day royal concubine Yoon lost her calm demeanor, the day he lost her trust, and the day court lady Choi had to save them both from becoming a gossip for the whole palace to know. Still it felt too real for him, he still felt his legs lose their strength whenever lord Yoon came to visit, talking and smiling with both women still made him wonder if it was a well-masked act. Still he thought that they both resented him from the things he had done. His carelessness had exposed their secret and resulted in the fate she had long avoided.

“Well...what good it will do to him if he is handsome but short-lived.”

“Mama!” One of the younger palace maids gasped and the one sitting next to her shushed. They were young, they had not gotten used to royal concubine Yoon’s cynical remarks yet. Eunuch Jung thought that someone should tell them in advance about the ‘scary’ tales in the royal palace, every story had a sliver of truth in it, maybe he could tell them about the pond, that would give them a glimpse of what life in the palace actually was.

After he was dismissed that night, eunuch Jung headed back to his own room where he did not have to share with anyone anymore, Danbi was sleeping in the next room, his friend had a busy week to prepare the ceremony of the birth of the prince.

It was late so he did not expect to see anyone on the way, but instead he saw a palace maid standing in the shadow under the arch to the eunuch dormitory. It was past midnight, that was the first thought that came to his mind, what business did a palace maid have with a eunuch?

“Eunuch Jung, I presume?” She called for him from the shadows, this woman knew who he was, “I have news to tell you.”

He paused, this was not a good idea at all, normally he received the tasks from his father when they met at retired head eunuch Jung’s grand villa, or from court lady Choi at royal concubine Yoon’s residence, both were secluded places where prying eyes could not see.

He walked closer nevertheless, the sooner they got it done the safer they would be. “Hm?” He hummed, indicating his reply as a question in itself.

“Your brother sent me for you, your mother is dead.”

In a split moment where eunuch Jung had to proceed with the information, one thought which he came to regret later was; lord Jung never told him he had other adopted sons, and had relayed to him that his wife was far gone by the time they first met.

Shame finally caught up to him when he realized that it took him longer than it should to realize that the palace maid meant his own younger brother; Sang Gil, two years his junior.

“What? How?” He felt his heart fall down to his ankles. His mother? Dead? His mother, who was still in her early forty, was dead?

The messenger shook her head. “I do not know, this message is quite late, young master, I’m afraid. He has been trying to send it to you for days.”

This time, he wished the undertaker would take him at that instant. Not only did he know that his mother was dead, he also knew it days later than he should have.
He hastily regained his ability to think. He thanked her even though he still had no idea who she was or how his younger brother came to know her. The palace maid went the other way, disappearing seamlessly into the darkness of the building.

Unlike other boys who went into the palace from their early ages, eunuch Jung back then did not show any sign of longing for home. His only thought was to work, to serve well so that his mother and his younger brother would have enough food on their table like he had in the palace too. He rarely visited them, for the life of a eunuch was a busy one. The last time he had seen them was almost two years ago, and that was before he became eunuch Jung.

Sleep did not come to him that night, he lay on the mattress, eyes wide open with guilt and shock. His head was full of questions. His greatest fear was that his mother died from something apart from illness, the yangbans had proved to him how cruel and dangerous even the calmest master was capable of. He could not wait until it was his time to get out of the palace. He announced his sudden leave to a fellow eunuch, and let the little prince be looked after by wet nurses and maids. There was no place for a eunuch like him anyway. He hurriedly put on a white robe, a black gat, and a pair of black shoes and stood in front of the main palace gate even before the sun came up. He had to start early, the journey to Ingwang was a long one that took almost a day on foot.

How weird it was to walk past all the celebration with a heavy heart and a pair of teary eyes, unfazed, unimpressed with all the delight of the entire town folks. Eunuch Jung wondered as his feet took him through the gate of Hanyang and continued on the road to the west, how quick it was for sorrow to take the place of joy.

By mid-afternoon, eunuch Jung stopped in front of a large house in Ingwang, the door was opened, showing the courtyards full of servants preparing for something akin to a feast. Adult servants drew carts of wines and pounded flour into bread while children helped their seniors with meandering tasks. For a moment, he could see himself in rags, chopping firewood or throwing bags of grains over his back. He would have grown a beard or a mustache already, and would have gotten himself a wife or children too.

Another cart moved past him and he stepped aside to make more room, he tried to look at the puller’s face, he did that with every male servant he came across, but none of them bore a pair of drooping eyes or small lips like Sang Gil.

“Excuse me,” He halted the last man in the line, a middle-aged man with baskets of firewood on his back, “is there a man named Sang Gil here?”

Instead of answering, the older man squinted his eyes as he stared at eunuch Jung’s face before crying out.

"Oh! It’s you!" This middle-aged man looked familiar to him. In the back of his mind, he could see the same man with less beard and fewer white strands in his hair; uncle Bok..Bok Po?

“Uncle Bok Po?” He uttered at last.

The old man’s face changed from curiosity into complication. He opened his mouth to show rows of yellow teeth gritting tightly. One of his canine teeth was missing. It’s really uncle Bokpo, he remembered that when he was ten or twelve, the older man’s tooth was knocked out in a brawl.

"Why are you here?" The old man cried, "Aigoo, aigoo." He kept repeating the word. "Are you here for your mother?"

He quickly nodded, “Yes, uncle Bok Po.”

“Then why are you here when it has been three weeks already?”

Weeks, he blinked, three weeks that he was not where he should be. He looked down at the tips of his shoes, knowing not what to answer. Truly, there was no excuse for a child to act filial. He should have visited her more often. Had he noticed that she was sick on his vacation, he would have done more. He might have bought her some medicine from his pay wages. The palace had provided him with a sufficient amount of money, surely...

“Uncle Bok Po… I am so sorry, can you tell me wh—”

“What is it, dear? Who is that young master you are talki—” An old, plumpy woman with a bamboo tray held over her head joined their conversation and stopped right in the track when she turned to see his face.

“Omo…” She looked from the top of his gat to his shoes. “Is he not Eon Ha’s oldest son?”

It was strange to hear his mother’s name directly from their mouths. He quickly nodded at the familiar-looking woman, hoping that she would, at least, tell him where Sang Gil was. “Please,” he begged, “auntie, can you tell me where is—”

“Hah!” Auntie let out a loud noise, she did not bother to hide her disapproving glares. He might not remember her name but he could remember her face when she berated her children, and sometimes, other people’s children. “Then why are you here when she is in the coffin? Where were you when she was delirious with fever, calling for you and your late father?”

He shook his head, he did not know, no one had told him that she was sick. “I did not know, please auntie, just tell me and I will be on my way…” He turned to look around, a few servants who had been minding their business in the yard began to look their way. Some might have recognized his face already. “Please, tell me. I beg of you.”

“Aigoo! Don’t do that” Uncle Bok Po hissed. The older man tried to turn his head around as if he didn’t want anyone to witness this scene. “Don’t disgrace yourself like this.”

“Let him disgrace himself, aish—” A strong woman she always was, she tugged her husband aside with one hand. “Did you forget already? He is no longer Eonha’s boy, this prissy gentleman is the son of some eunuch called Jung or something--”

Some servants behind him gasp, some— if not all— began talking, he did not need another pair of eyes to see them pointing and looking at him; a young master begging and pleading with two lowly servants.

Uncle Bok Po made a face like he would shut her mouth if one of his hands was not holding tight on the rope on his back. His wife, on the other hand, was twisted with an ugly sneer. Eunuch Jung glanced away from them to scan the faces of the bystanders around, among them, there should be a man younger than him with the same droopy eyes and thin lips.

Sang Gil-ah, where are you now?

“Daeng Daeng’s eomma! Lower your voice!” Someone came to tug at her arms, drawing his eyes back to the couple. “You are going to anger him!”

“Do excuse her, my lord,” Another one came along, now addressing him with such a frivolous title, “Daeng Daeng’s eomma cannot hold her tongue, please forgive her ignorance, my lord!”

Daeng Daeng’s eomma did not seem to relent with her friends’ pleas. She was not the most obedient servant in the Yoon household for the start, though the submissiveness was there in the presence of lord Yoon. She did not back down, instead she glared at him, as hard and as freezing as a cold blade. Eunuch Jung held her gaze and wondered, whether her feelings toward him was one of reprimand, like any other reasonable person would do to the gravest sinner, or was it of a more personal reason? But he couldn’t come up with anything that he had wronged her so.

Daeng Daeng’s eomma, uncle Bok Po’s wife, he would have given her a name if he had remembered it, she was not the most obedient servant in the household. There was venom in her voice when she spitted out her thoughts about the Yoon family when she was with his late mother. His mother, a kind soul indeed, always shushed her or told her to stop her tirade. Eunuch Jung back then would interject whenever she had to mention Yoon Hwa Wan, the young lady was caring and kind to him and to all of the servants, and such kindness did not deserve harsh words from a foul mouth.

“Aishh, now what are you?” Daeng Daeng’s eomma snarled at fourteen years old him. “Playing chivalry? Protecting the honor of your sweet lady HwaHwa?”

He opened his mouth to retort back but his mother shot out her hand, holding him back as she shook her head.

“You think she will be grateful for your ‘so-called chivalric attitude’?” She mocked, mouth sneering at him while pounding the flour with the pestle, thud, thud, thud. “We are all nothing to them, silly little brat, they give you some nice praises and you already decide to give your life for them? Eon Ha, you better teach your son, it won’t be long until they get their hands on a naive boy like him.”

His mother hummed in acknowledgement, she always lent her listening ears to other people and gave no opinions in return; people like them already ‘knew’ exactly the solution to their problems.

Eunuch Jung realized right there when the scene from a decade ago appeared in his memory. The venom that he should have recognized, the venom that always tinged in her sneer was right here in her voice, right here in her eyes when she recognized the clothes he wore.

They were right, he realized then that their words were right, he was no longer a servant of the Ingwang Yoon household, he was not Eon Ha’s oldest son anymore.

When he scanned the group for the last time, all those feelings laid bare in front of his eyes; from the expressions stark on their faces, and from the movements of their bodies; how they huddled together and left a space separating him and them. Every emotion did not derive from the fact that he was not there with his dead mother; for that reason, they could only despise him, not fear him.

“Do I have to repeat my question again?” He said, his eyes bored deep down into hers, there was a shift in his voice, a tone that came to him swiftly like placing a foot into a shoe. His words rang clear and concise, gone was the docility ever presented in his voice. He watched every one of them intently as he made sure that by the time he got the answer they would recognize him as an officer’s son, not a servant’s child. “Where is Sang Gil? And where did you bury Eon Ha”

Daeng Daeng’s mom still wore a scowl on her face. “Oh?” She sneered, “Are you threatening us then, young master?” She ended the question by spitting directly at his shoes, drawing loud gasps from her friends.

His eyes casted down at the shining liquid on his dark shoes, “I am.”

“Aigoo, aigoo!” Her husband cried out, with the help of their friends they finally turned the woman around and took her away, “I’m so sorry, young master, my wife was not ri—”

“Shut your mouth.” Bok Po was like any servant, the older man stopped immediately and kept his eyes downward. He had no time to lose, “Where did you bury her and where is Sang Gil?”

Bok Po nodded, his voice trembled and unsure of the consequence, typical of a servant. “We buried her in the mountain, sir. Lord Yoon allowed us to lay her near his family mausoleum, miles away.”

“I see, and where is Sang Gil?”

“Young master does not know that?” Another servant chimed in, her face looked familiar as well but now he had no interest in finding a correct name with it, eunuch Jung turned to her, arching one eyebrow.

“Sang Gil enlisted last autumn, after the last harvest he left for the barricade and had not come back until Eonha was on her deathbed. He left the day after we buried her.”

He left the group of servants after getting enough information from them.

Upon the nearby hill where the Yoon family mausoleum was located, he found a stone mound miles away from the mausoleum’s gate. Tall pine trees gave her enough shade for hot days but in the night, his mother would not see the ocean of stars up above. He bowed down in front of the mound, showing his respect to her for the last time as her son, a failed son, nevertheless. He sat there for a while waiting for the tears to drop, but for almost an hour he felt nothing, even sadness was deprived from him.

One of the helpful servants had told him that his mother caught a cold one day after a terrible storm hit almost two months ago. Servants and slaves, despite their perfect health, could fall prey for these illnesses at the most random time. It was not a surprise for him, eunuch Jung had witnessed many strong servants die of random sickness in his childhood. On the contrary, he was rather relieved. The worst scenario he had imagined all the way from Hanyang to Ingwang, was that she was killed, whether directly or consequentially from the command of the yangbans.

Despite all the answers, the heavy lumps in his throat did not disappear at all. It spreaded down his chest, down to his stomach, and soon all of his limbs felt numb all over. It was pure miracle that he got back to Ingwang in one piece, the town was full of celebration where people kept drinking and eating. In the town square, a group of jesters were entertaining the townsfolk with their humour, in the streets, children were chasing each other with wooden toys and candies in their hands. It was a picture of joy, a celebration for the auspicious event of the dynasty, but eunuch Jung did not crack a smile even once. He would allow himself to grieve tonight.

Just tonight, just one night, he said to himself, and I will be alright.

The sun had set long before. The hill became a dark silhouette in the auburn sky, and eunuch Jung decided that it was time to return to the palace. On his way out of the town, the food sellers from every cart tried to put their goods in his face, and eunuch Jung turned down every offer except for one bottle of liquor. He did not drink it at the spot but took the bottle with him out of the city gate. Staring vaguely at the long road ahead, a wide path with green fields bracketing left and right stretching into darkness, he took his first step.

It was a foolish decision even in this state of mind. People learnt from a young age how unwise it was to traverse at night. Eunuch Jung did not care for it, he chose not to stay in the town or find an inn to stay, he did not bring much with him anyway. He only knew that he had to move, he had to do something, or else his mind would wander back to Eon Ha or Sang Gil— the last things he wished to think about.

Ten minutes passed, and he opened the lid, shaking it and hearing the liquid inside slouch. There was only him on the road with the sounds of his footsteps and bands of insects. Eunuch Jung held the throat of the bottle at his lips then chugged the content inside down his own throat. It wasn’t his first time drinking the spirit, so the bittersweet taste was no stranger to him. Warmth spreading to the tips of his fingers, he dried his mouth with his sleeve and continued walking.

Miles away from the gate, the town of Ingwang disappeared into the blackness behind him, while Hanyang was still too far away to be visible with the only source of light from the stars and the crescent moon above. The liquor was down to half of the bottle. The sound of his footsteps became messier with each drop he consumed. Therefore, he first thought that the booze was kicking in when he saw an outline of a person walking afar.

A tall figure, he noticed that it was a man despite the distance between them, eunuch Jung could see that the traveler was a tall man wearing a bamboo hat and a dark coat. The man was walking the small path from the middle of the fields to the main road and soon would join him on the same route.

Eunuch Jung did not pay him any attention, he continued on his way. Even if the man was a bandit aiming to rob and kill him, he would not really mind.

He opened the lid, gulping down another mouthful of liquor as the man now reached the main road. The traveler made his route close to the left side of the road so it was reasonable for him to keep close to the right despite his faltering steps. A closer look and eunuch Jung thought that the man seemed to be calm. His paces were steady and stable. He could not be an outlaw then…

The moment their paths crossed was a swift one, neither man looking at the other as both kept staring ahead. The next heartbeat, all that was in front of him was the lonely road and the rice fields. The receding sound of footsteps told him that soon he would be left alone in the night.

Or so he had thought.

“A eunuch drinking alone on the road to Hanyang at night,” the man said and almost sent him tripping over nothing, “isn’t it something to see every day, is it?”

He turned abruptly and found himself staring face to face with a man taller than him. The deep red fabric of his coat and the dark fabric of his undershirt merged the stranger with the black of the dark hours. It was not until the man opened his mouth again that eunuch Jung let out a laugh in relief.

"Oh, it’s you..." He swallowed the word back in time. Yes, who else could it be but that stunning merchant of Jin Yee.

The rabbit-man’s face was so impassive that it reminded him somehow of court lady Choi— that woman. He wondered for a while what Rabbit-faced was doing on the road at this hour, but decided that he did not really want to know.

“What business did you have in Ingwang?”

"My own business." He shrugged. The heavy weight of the bottle reminded him of the spirits, "You want some?" He held it up to his face.

The man took it from his hand, “I will not ask again.”

“I told you it’s my own business.” He repeated, watching and yelping out loud when the other man tossed the bottle aside and the loud crashing sound followed after.

Eunuch Jung felt like shouting or hitting him, he moved his gaze from the disarranged shards on the roadside to the rabbit man. For what? He thought. The man did not show any emotion after all. Eunuch Jung himself was tired, physically and mentally. He wanted to explode and hurt someone, but he knew the man would not give him satisfaction, unlike the old servants of the Yoon household.

He waved his hand in dismissal. “Nosy aren’t you? Just be on your way and let me go, I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Why do you not want to talk to me?”

Out of all the points he had made in the sentence, the Rabbit man chose to inquire about the last part. Reticent was the essence of the rabbit-faced man, and he chose to be against his nature at this exact moment.

"Because I don’t want to talk to you!" He turned around and shouted, a sudden motion that sent him staggering. "You do not have the right to talk to me! Just go away and bother some fuckers elsewhere. I’m tired. I do not want to feel anything! You just..." He paused to take a deep breath, chest heaving up and down from exhaustion that he should not have. "You just leave me alone. Maybe just go complete your quest and keep on with your miserable life."

He should be alarmed by his outburst. That wasn’t like him at all. Eunuch Jung never raised his voice to anyone in his life, not even his naughty, irritating younger brother when they fought. He turned away from the rabbit-faced man and felt that he did not enjoy the explosion either, the man did not even flinch at the harshest insult he could think of. The lack of reaction really backed up his guess that the rabbit man would not satisfy him at all.

The silence that hung over them as he tried to control his breathing and his beating heart made him recognize the lump that was reforming in his torso. No, the outburst did not make him feel better at all; now he felt even worse.

He whirled back. The mysterious rabbit man stood still at the same spot. He dared raise his eyes to look at the ever expressionless face and bowed down a little. "I’m sorry," he whispered, "I—just let me go on my way, rabbit."

As he whirled again, this time the whole world whirled with him and the road rotated into a long vertical line. A hand caught his arm and righted him before he could fall to the field aside, at the same time, something was pulling at his left foot as well.

Rabbit-faced man did not release his arm immediately. He steadied eunuch Jung with his right hand until the shorter man could stand by himself. If the silence before was unbearable, the silence in the present was awfully awkward.

The lingering touch on his arm— was awkward as well.

Eunuch Jung made sure he looked the other way as he tried to still his shaking hands and legs, he blamed it on the strong booze.

The rabbit man then crouched down in front of him. Both hands came to his left shoe, and eunuch Jung could finally see that the sole and the shaft were torn apart. Great, now he had to make his way back to Hanyang with a broken shoe.

"Do you think you can still walk?" The man asked, and eunuch Jung hummed, he would not spend the night in the middle of nowhere.

He seemed not to take a hum as an answer as he repeated his question, eunuch Jung groaned and opened his mouth to reply but was hit with a wave of nausea instead. It did not feel like throwing up but more like a dizziness that made him want to lie down.

"I can…" Still, he insisted on walking. The sooner he got away from this man, the calmer he would be.

The rabbit man nodded. He moved his hand up to eunuch Jung’s calf and patted it twice before moving both hands to his own foot. Eunuch Jung tried to take a closer look, but another wave of nausea returned, and he deliberately took a step backward. The rabbit man reached out with a shoe in his hand. His left foot was covered with only a white sock now.

"What.." he gulped, "what are you doing?"

"You cannot walk to Hanyang in that shoe." The other man shuffled closer and instantly pulled his damaged black shoe from him, and eunuch Jung almost toppled over with the loss of balance.

"Hold my shoulder."

He did put both hands on the man’s broad shoulders. Even with his hazy mind, his fingers could feel the shifting muscles underneath the fabric. This rabbit man was not a normal errand boy, it seemed. With such physics, he surely was a good asset to their lords.

The man’s touch was surprisingly gentle as he held his ankle in one hand and supported his forefoot in the other. He had thought that the rabbit man would be harsher on him, as harsh as the words eunuch Jung had said.

The Rabbit man’s shoe was an ankle-length one with a good sole that supported his weight perfectly. (For running and doing his assigned work, eunuch Jung deduced.) However, the different soles proved to be hindrances for eunuch Jung as he struggled to place his feet on the ground with each step. The rabbit man walked behind him, he didn't have to look to feel his presence; there were his fingertips touching featherly at his back, a grounding touch.

He did not look back once, and at one point, the fingertips were gone. The rest of the night morphed into blankness.

He woke up to the ceiling of a familiar chamber; the dark wooden planks stared down at him. The smell was different. He could tell by the time he sat up on the mattress that he had, obviously, mysteriously appeared in his bed in his own chamber at retired head eunuch Jung’s villa. It was indeed his room given by his father with large bookshelves filled with poetry books from Ming and a writing desk to practice his poetic skills.

It was a dusky day, with chilling air floating along with the morning fog. Eunuch Jung wrapped himself in a bluish coat placed on the floor next to his bed and opened the door. Outside, the rain was falling lightly, turning the small yard in front of his room into muddy ground.

On his terrace next to his door, someone had placed a pair of dark shoes there. He reached out and took a closer look at it. The shoes were his old, faithful ones that he had been wearing every day since last year. He turned his left shoe over. There was a dark thread stitching the sole of his shoe to the shaft, a neat stitching that blended seamlessly into the fabric. It was almost late in the morning, and he guessed some servants must have fixed it for him.

A maid came up to his room and was surprised to see him out of his bed already. The master of the house had sent her to inform him that he was invited for a cup of warm tea at the pavilion.

The pavilion was also the place where he first met his father. The building stood tall with an open view of the small hills below and the long trail of forest. The sea of red and orange, mixed with yellow and green, laid ahead before his eyes. He waited at the assigned seat for a while, his head still dizzy from the first alcohol he had in many years.

“Come, have some tea with me. Dear boy, you could not imagine how surprised I was this morning when our butler came to inform me at breakfast that someone had to take my drunken son home.” His father greeted him from the door.

Eunuch Jung stood up to greet him, staggering a little. His father waved his hand and he took the seat opposite retired head eunuch Jung. “I’m so ashamed, father.” He bowed his head down, “It was a careless, thoughtless move of me. It will not happen again, I give you my word.”

Retired head eunuch said nothing as he waved his hand nonchalantly while shifting forward to take one cup. He followed the older man. The warmth radiating from his wooden cup was very welcome on a rainy day like this morning. His father did not seem to be crossed, he seemed to relish in the delicious drink as he hummed contentedly with each slow sip.

After a while, his father placed his cup back on the table.

"You didn't strike me as a drunkard or an imbecile before," the older man began, "but I have to admit, dear boy, that I was quite concerned."

“Sir— my apology, it was a foolish act of impulse and I give you my word that it shall not happen again...”

“I had expected the apology and the regret from you. You are forgiven.”

“Sir.” He bowed, he did not expect a facile forgiveness either. Looking back, he did risk everything on the lonely road in the middle of the night. He could have been killed, a eunuch like him was not trained for fighting, he could have been captured by the Cho and tortured. Wiping out all of their pawns and the progress they had made clean.

“Do not make such a fussy face, son, no need to spoil a peaceful morning.”

He quickly nodded again. The rain had stopped around the time they started their tea session, so the servants began coming out to clean the dampened leaves and fallen branches in the yard. Among them was the head butler with a broom in his hands, ordering and assigning the servants to each part of the villa.

"Mister Bong." His father called, and the butler jogged to the railings. "Take a look at the wine cellar. I intend to send more gifts to Lord Ahn this evening. Count the wine jars and report it to me."

"Right away, sir." Butler Bong was a man in his forties with a thin mustache on his jovial round face. Eunuch Jung did not often talk to him despite the other man’s affable nature. However, before butler Bong headed out to the root cellar, he decided that his curiosity could not wait any longer.

"Wait, butler Bong."

The butler halted and turned to him, his face showing clearly that he did not expect the young master to initiate a conversation with him. All the servants in this villa knew how reserved their new young master was.

"Was there someone accompanying me last night?"

His father let out a low chuckle at the question, or perhaps at butler Bong, who made a confused face for a second before crying out exasperatedly.

"There was a gigantic man. Aish~ he knocked loudly at the door in the middle of the night." The butler said with a scowl on his face. Holding a room with his right hand, he clenched his left hand into a fist and slammed it against the invisible door."Thud! Thud! Thud! So loud and so urgent that we thought the town was under attack or something. He left at dawn without a word, young master."

Eunuch Jung sighed, a taciturn fellow with an impressive height, could be none but that rabbit-faced man.

"How did he manage it then?" His father chimed in. "You said that my son was unconscious, dead drunk."

"On his back, my lord." The butler replied. He moved his right arm behind himself then bent his back forward, a bit too forward, "carrying the young master like a babe asleep."

He felt his cheeks colored. Warmth engulfed his whole face as both men cackled out loud. He could see the image clearly. Him on the back of the rabbit man.

HIM GETTING A PIGGYBACK RIDE FROM THE RABBIT MAN.

"Aigoo, aigoo," the old man clapped on his thigh, his voice rising in pitch with delight. "What a strong man he is, and to think that the distance from Ingwang to my villa was rather a long one too."

"Our young master wouldn't weigh more than two sacks full of cabbage, my lord." The butler smiled as they turned to eye him, and eunuch Jung had to hide his face behind the empty cup, pretending to drink the invisible tea to the last drop.

Eunuch Jung wore the same bluish robe from the morning on his journey back to Hanyang with the servants from the villa, his hands holding a bundle of his old clothes (still unwashed and reeking of sweats, tears, and alcohol). Walking next to him was a talkative younger boy around sixteen. One thing he was very grateful for was that all the servants in the Jung villa treated him with respect, but not with utter fear, unlike the servants from the Yoon household. They made him feel welcomed, not alienated.

O-Yee, the young servant, was talking non-stop about how he and the other boys tried the liquor for the first time in the festival and went drunk for a whole day.

“You are awesome, young master!” The boy cheered, “you recover so fast”

He proceeded to tell the boy that it was… still a very embarrassing topic for him, and the boy only nodded and moved on to how that mysterious, tall, good-looking, cool stranger barged into their villa at night and almost made butler Bong die from a heart attack.

“The butler woke us all up, shouting that the city was besieged! A civil war!” O-Yee mimicked the older servant’s voice perfectly. “But to be honest, young master, that man even woke up our sweet Fang in the kennel.”

Fang, the retired head eunuch Jung’s favorite dog, was sleeping in one of the deepest parts of the villa along with her pack. That rabbit man really knew how to wake up the whole town.

Rabbit man, he thought about that man again. He did not bother to ask his father about other accomplices. Pawns did not need to learn each other's names. Among the fragments of memory from last night, eunuch Jung hated to realize that the feeling of his palms upon the other man’s shoulders was the only one that had already imprinted itself into the back of his brain. With that physics, the rabbit man might not be the pawn, he would better serve other purposes.

O-Yee’s rambling did not seem to cease soon. Other servants were walking far ahead of them. They were older by many years and were most likely distancing themselves before the boy could talk their ears out. Eunuch Jung took a glance, O-Yee had never talked about the grand scheme, no servant ever had. A question or two would do no harm.

"O-Yee…" The boy shut his mouth abruptly, and he had to shake his head, showing the boy that he wasn’t irritated by his long report. "I have some questions. Did the man really say nothing last night?"

"What man, young— oh! You mean that handsome stranger!?" The boy cried. Handsome, eunuch Jung almost let out a huff. Why do other people always have to mention that the rabbit-faced man is handsome?

He hummed. "Have you seen him before? Did he tell you anything?"

"No, young master, aigoo, if he had been here before, you would have heard us talking about him every now and then. And to your second question, a handsome man he is, but a talkative one he clearly is not, young master."

"So he really did not say a thing?" He felt his brows knit together while making mental notes for himself. The man must, at the very least, have informed the butler of the place he came from, or else his father would not have mentioned Ingwang at the tea session.

O-Yee rubbed the back of his head. "What to say? He did not speak even one word, young master, only shaking or nodding to our questions. The rain was falling heavily, so he waited until it became lighter, all the while sitting broodingly and keeping his stance up high, like a guard."

"So that was what he did?" Eunuch Jung smirked. Broodingly, that was one correct way to describe the stoic rabbit man.

"I’m afraid... but oh! I remember it now. He didn’t just sit there broodingly, young master. He did that!"

He quirked his eyebrows as he waited for the boy to finish the sentence, but as O-Yee did not say anything else eunuch Jung turned and looked. The boy was pointing downward, pointing at the dark shoe he was wearing.

He stared at the boy’s smiling face. "The shoe? What did he do to—"

Then he remembered the dark stitch that held the sole and the shaft together and felt like he could fall down at that very moment. All of a sudden, the shoe felt strange on his own foot.

"Young master, you do not look well. Oh, you must be surprised, right? Ha, I could not believe my eyes too when he started asking for a needle and a pool of dark thread. Oh wait, so he did speak after all, but I wasn’t there to hear him. Ban Yi told me that, and then he kept mending your shoe at the main hall’s stairs under the lantern light. When he gave it to us, we were very surprised to see that his stitching was very good. My eomma even chastised me. She said that I can no longer claim that needlework is only for women, young master."

Needless to say, when he reached his room in the palace, he headed straight for the closet where he kept a spare pair of shoes. Eunuch Jung had never considered using it before the moment of truth. Now, when he knew whose hands had mended the shoe for him, he couldn't bear the thought of running errands with them on his feet anymore.

His head tried to supply himself with reasons. One of the most logical ones told him that the stitches just prolonged the lifespan of his poor, overused shoe for a month (he tried yanking at it, the tread would not even shift). But he would rather die than let someone know that he did not discard the shoe immediately, nor did he give it to other palace servants. Eunuch Jung only swapped the new pair in the closet with the mended one. He told himself that it might be of use to him someday.

But deep down, he knew how that small act of the rabbit man had made him feel warm, and something of warmth in the frigid royal palace should be treasured, held safe and sound.