Chapter Text
Seonghwa was in love with Hongjoong. This was in no way a secret, especially to the members that hung around the two oldest members every day. It was so unbelievably obvious that one would have to be the most oblivious rock in the world to not be able to see it. The stares, the way Seonghwa gravitated towards Hongjoong, the endearing smiles he reserved for him, and the blatant flirting (when Seonghwa mustered up enough courage, of course).
But well, Hongjoong was most possibly the densest rock in the universe, and it was just too bad that in the galaxy, Seonghwa chose him to orbit around.
So no one, not even Seonghwa himself, thought anything would change.
But not with the other members around.
⋆⋅⋆
Day 0 (9 July 2021)
“I can’t believe this happened to Sannie a day before his birthday,” Hongjoong sighed, throwing his clothes haphazardly into his bag as the members packed their items in a hurry before leaving for the quarantine centre.
Seonghwa frowned at the untidy mess in Hongjoong’s backpack. Taking out the (expensive but uncared for) clothes, he folded them neatly before placing them back into the leader’s bag.
Hongjoong snorted. “Always a sucker for tidiness.”
“You’re the abnormal one,” Seonghwa protested. “How do you operate when your area is such a mess?” Pausing, he smiled and said in a teasing tone, “What are you going to do for these two weeks without me picking up after you?”
Hongjoong plopped down on Seonghwa’s bed where the latter was sitting to rearrange his clothes. Sprawling himself over the bed, Hongjoong propped his chin on a hand and stared up at Seonghwa. “Since when did you become the naggy one? What are we, mother and son?”
Seonghwa looked over his shoulder, a smile pulling at his lips. “More like an old married couple.”
Hongjoong paused. Averting his eyes, he pulled out his phone to scroll through Twitter absentmindedly and muttered, “What are you talking about? Anyway, I’m okay when I’m at the studio alone, isn’t it?”
Seonghwa couldn’t help the pang of disappointment in his chest. He quickly looked away so Hongjoong would not catch his face falling. Although he knew the leader was joking, he still felt a bitter taste in his mouth at Hongjoong’s cold demeanour. Also, did he have to remind Seonghwa how he was always not at home? Low blow, Hongjoong. Low blow.
“I mean...that’s what the kids always call us, isn’t it?” Seonghwa countered, scratching at his head in awkwardness. “Remember the tarot card lady whom we visited before debut? She even said we would be a good match.”
When Hongjoong did not reply, panic rose in Seonghwa’s throat and he stared at the man lying on his bed. Suddenly, Hongjoong’s eyes flitted up to meet Seonghwa’s gaze.
“Is that so?” Hongjoong chuckled before looking back at his phone without another word. An awkward silence filled the air as Seonghwa hastened his packing. It wasn’t until he realised he was placing his socks with his toiletries when he realised he wasn’t even thinking straight. His cheeks were tinged slightly with pink as he fumbled with the zippers of his bag, embarrassed at his futile flirting. He was really going to die alone without Hongjoong knowing about this gigantic, colossal crush he had on him, wasn’t he?
And what made this worse was that this was completely normal. Hongjoong always acted like a brick wall when Seonghwa flirted with him glaringly. It was at moments like this when Seonghwa wanted to shake Hongjoong by the shoulders and scream at him to open his eyes and look at how gone Seonghwa was for him. Just how could an intelligent man who practised high school math in elementary school and produced tons of songs be so oblivious when it came to romance?
“Seonghwa, Hongjoong! It’s time to go!”
Seonghwa heaved a sigh of relief as he heard their manager call out to them. Zipping his bag up, he patted Hongjoong on the shoulder. “Mr I-can-live-without Seonghwa, let’s go.”
The two took up their backpacks to gather with their managers in the living room of their dormitory while the rest of the members filed out of their bedrooms.
“Everyone, make sure you took everything…”
Their manager’s voice drowned out as Seonghwa bit his lips, worried for San and the schedules which had been pushed back due to quarantine. He tapped his foot against the floor impatiently as the usual bickering of the other members filled the living room.
“Seonghwa.”
Seonghwa turned, drawn out of his reverie. It was Hongjoong.
Their leader rubbed the back of his neck - a nervous habit of his when he was shy or embarrassed. He avoided Seonghwa’s gaze as he spoke, “I didn’t say...say that I can...can livewithoutyou.” The last part of his words was rushed, and Seonghwa raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What?”
Hongjoong waved his hands as if to brush off what he had just said. “Nothing, nothing. Anyway, don’t miss me too much.”
“Didn’t you already say you’re always at the studio and not at home? I’ll miss everyone but you.” Seonghwa laughed, hitting Hongjoong on the arm to signal that he was only joking. However, he was surprised when Hongjoong did not immediately reply but looked slightly disheartened. Looking at the floor, he pouted. “Oh.”
Seonghwa furrowed his brows slightly. “Of course I’m only joking. I’ll make sure I face-time you every day until you’re bored of me, okay?”
Hongjoong’s eyes lit up, and a smile immediately pulled at his lips. He quickly controlled his facial expression, bumping shoulders with Seonghwa lightheartedly. “Don’t be creepy. Maybe it’s good that I can hear less of your nagging for two weeks.”
Seonghwa chuckled, glad to see that Hongjoong was joking around again. “Coming from our resident dad? Anyway, do you think I want to nag you all the time? I should be glad I don’t have to drag your ass from the studio and make sure you get enough sleep and eat your meals.”
It was a routine of theirs - Hongjoong would overwork himself and forget to eat and sleep, and Seonghwa, being the oldest hyung (and totally not because of any other reasons), would fuss over their leader, even stomping to the studio at 4am on some nights (dawns) to drag Hongjoong back to the dormitory.
Hongjoong folded his arms in front of his chest, a smile playing on his lips. “Finally I’m free from the grasp of Park Seonghwa! I can stay up the whole night and not get scolded.”
A voice suddenly sounded from outside the dormitory, and Hongjoong’s head jolted up as he heard their manager call for him. He quickly trailed outside to look for their manager.
“What the hell was that? ‘I didn’t say I can live without you’? When was Hongjoong hyung that cheesy?”
Seonghwa spun around to see Wooyoung smiling cheekily at him. Seonghwa’s cheeks flushed with colour as he realised what the leader had said earlier. “Don’t speak nonsense, he was just kidding. He didn’t really mean it.”
Wooyoung rolled his eyes. “And I’m not gay.”
Looping an arm around Seonghwa’s, Wooyoung whined, “Hyuuuuung, just when are you going to confess? Why are one of my hyungs a tsundere and the other a hopeless gay? Hyung, you gotta learn from Sannie and me!”
Seonghwa pushed Wooyoung away in joking disgust. “Who wants to learn from you two troublemakers?”
“At least we are dating and you’re not,” Wooyoung said in a sing-song voice.
“Who says I want to date Hongjoong?” Seonghwa muttered, looking at the floor and kicking Wooyoung’s luggage.
Suddenly, silence filled the air and when Seonghwa looked up, all the members were looking at him.
“What…?” Seonghwa said hesitatingly.
“Hyung, are you listening to yourself?” Jongho deadpanned.
“Hyung, I know you have had enough of Hongjoong hyung’s rejections, but you can’t keep lying to yourself,” Yeosang added sarcastically.
Seonghwa sighed, convinced that he was listening to three devils right now.
“Hyung.” Yunho placed a comforting hand on Seonghwa’s shoulder. Seonghwa smiled. Of course, Yunho won’t be like them-
“Maybe you should really take Wooyoung’s advice,” Yunho said, as the other three nodded in approval. Never mind, the entire band is crazy.
“Alright, from today onwards, the 6 of us will embark on the mission ‘Get Seongjoong Together’. Hands in!” Wooyoung gestured at the other three members to put their hands together. Wooyoung and Yunho put two of their hands into the pile representing Mingi and San.
Seonghwa looked incredulously at the other members. “Wait, wait-”
“Get Seongjoong Together. One, two-”
Seonghwa shook his head, trying to stop this disaster from unfolding in front of him. “Wait, San and Mingi aren’t even here. They definitely won’t agree to-”
Wooyoung glared at him, his eyes narrowing into slits. “Are you doubting the loyalty of the 99z?”
“One, two, three!”
And that was how it all started.
⋆⋅⋆
Day 1 (10 July 2021)
When Seonghwa woke up the next day facing the unfamiliar pristine white ceiling of the quarantine centre, he had totally forgotten what happened the day before. He was simply too fatigued from the packing and moving frenzy from the previous day to recall what nonsense, no, evil, the younger members were planning.
He scrolled through his Kakaotalk messages, seeing the expected messages of “Happy birthday, San!” and “Are you okay, San?” as well as the routine “Good morning”s and bickering. He clicked out of the joint group chat, only to see that he had been added to a new group chat.
Mission: GST (7)
Created by Little Devil.
Little Devil added Little Devil’s boyfriend, Seonghwa's favourite son, Tall tree, Fake maknae, FIX ON BITCHES, and Toothless.
Little Devil: hiiii bitchesssss welcome to the mission
Little Devil: I hope no one forgot
Seonghwa’s eyes widened as realisation dawned on him. He silently thought to himself that he should set a reminder to kill Wooyoung once quarantine ended.
Mission: GST (7)
Little Devil's boyfriend: hiii everyone >o<
Tall tree: hellohello!! sannie r u feeling ok!!
Little Devil's boyfriend: yes yunho thanks for asking <3
Seonghwa's favourite son: ugh did yall rly wake me up for this
Seonghwa's favourite son: anyway hi!!
Little Devil's boyfriend: YEOSANG REPLIED SO FAST?? HOWWWW
Seonghwa's favourite son: anything for tea
FIX ON BITCHES: hello i miss u guys so muchhh
Tall tree: nooo mingi i miss u more
Little Devil's boyfriend: nuuuuuh i miss u moreeee
Fake maknae: Does no one capitalise their first letters here ughhh
Little Devil: only boomers like seonghwa hyung and hongjoong hyung and you do
Little Devil: anyway losers
Little Devil: as the leader of mission: gst, i declare the start of our mission!
Little Devil's boyfriend: young ah i love u but why r u the leader
Little Devil: cos i suggested it???
Tall tree: shouldn’t the leader of the 99z be the leader of the mission
Fake maknae: How about the maknae be the leader for once >:)
FIX ON BITCHES: if yall rly miss me i shld be the leader :D
Little Devil: who this user
Little Devil: idk u
FIX ON BITCHES: :(
Little Devil: nooo ily mingi
FIX ON BITCHES: :)
Little Devil: But u still cant be leader
Little Devil's boyfriend: KANG YEOSANG
Little Devil's boyfriend: WHERE ARE YOU
Little Devil's boyfriend: The guy who wished me happy birthday 12 hours late dont keep quiet >:(
Seonghwa's favourite son: im glad u asked the real leader of the mission
Seonghwa's favourite son: also it was 11 hours 58 minutes that’s less than half a day late
Seonghwa sighed. He must have done something wrong in his previous life (albeit his fans insisting that this was his first life) to get friends like this. Just what the hell is this?
Mission: GST (7)
Little Devil: ok shhh
Little Devil: listen to me
Little Devil: we need to turn seonghwa into confident gay asap
Tall tree: i think he’s already pretty confident?
Little Devil: yeah but it’s not EFFECTIVE
Little Devil: hongjoong hyung isnt getting the signs
Toothless: What in the world is this nonsense
Little Devil: HYUuuuUUnnGGGG you’re finally here!!
FIX ON BITCHES: Hyunnnng
FIX ON BITCHES: come to think about it Seonghwa hyung and Hongjoong hyung got 6 kids before they got married??
Toothless: I’m leaving
Toothless has left this chat.
Little Devil added Toothless to Mission: GST.
Toothless: STOP IT
Fake maknae: So if they ever get married it’ll be something like a shotgun marriage
Toothless: Wtf jongho
Toothless: The only shotgun here will be the one I’m bringing to your heads
Fake maknae: You can’t reach us now that we are quarantined hyung
Seonghwa's favourite son: hyung dont be violent :(
Seonghwa's favourite son: and guys dont be mean to Seonghwa hyung!!
Toothless: Sorry yeosang you’re the best
Seonghwa's favourite son: haha they wont ever get married cos seonghwa hyung’s such a coward
Toothless: nevermind
Toothless changed Seonghwa's favourite son’s name to Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse.
Little Devil's boyfriend: wuuuut this is unfair no matter what happens yeosang’s still seonghwa hyung’s favourite son
Little Devil's boyfriend: i’m a patient now can’t i be your favourite son seonghwa hyung :(
Toothless changed Little Devil’s boyfriend’s name to Seonghwa's second favourite son.
Seonghwa's second favourite son: :(
Toothless changed Seonghwa's second favourite son’s name to Seonghwa's favourite SAN.
Seonghwa's favourite SAN: :)
Little Devil: eh knee wayyyy
Little Devil: HYUNG. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW SAN AND I GOT TOGETHER?
Seonghwa's favourite SAN: WHY R WE SUDDENLY TALKING IN CAPS
Tall tree: THIS SOUNDS TOO AGGRESSIVE FOR ME IM SMOL
FIX ON BITCHES: SAME I SOUND TOO ANGRY :(
Fake maknae: Why are the 186cm and 185cm trees like this
Toothless: I really don’t want to know…
Little Devil: CONFIDENCE, HYUNG. CONFIDENCE.
Little Devil: YOU NEED TO
Little Devil: INITIATE SKINSHIP
Little Devil: YOU NEED TO
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: we’re in quarantine how does he do that dumbdumb
Little Devil: oh yeah yeo’s right
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: wdym i’m always right
Little Devil: EH KNEE WAY
Little Devil: YOU NEED TO INTENSIFY THE FLIRTING
Little Devil: BUT AT THE SAME TIME
Little Devil: NOT GIVE HIM TOO MUCH
Little Devil: YOU GOTTA PUSH AND PULL
Toothless: You’ve been asking me to push and pull for years and it’s still not working :”(
Little Devil: MAYBE YOU’RE DOING IT WRONGLY
Little Devil: wait what does hongjoong hyung like
Seonghwa's favourite SAN: seonghwa hyung, hopefully
FIX ON BITCHES: ouch
Tall tree: songs? maybe seonghwa hyung should write his first song for hongjoong hyung
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: as hongjoong hyung’s mentee in producing i can assure u that’s a bad idea
Little Devil: HYUNG SINCE IT’S QUARANTINE NOW AND U CANT SEE HONGJOONG HYUNG’S REACTION
Little Devil: JUST FLIRT SHAMELESSLY
Little Devil: SCREW THE CONSEQUENCES
Little Devil: AND THEN TADA YOU CONFESS AND YALL GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER
Suddenly, a message notification popped up, and Seonghwa swiped it away impatiently, ready to rebut Wooyoung.
Toothless: HOW DO I TELL HIM IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ARE YOU CRAZY
Best leader Hong: In love with who?
Seonghwa froze, the blood running through his veins turning cold immediately. An icy shower seemed to have washed over him as his heart immediately skipped a beat. Shit. Shitshitshit.
His eyes trailed over the contact name and the messages that came in earlier.
Best leader Hong: Seonghwa, are you awake?
Best leader Hong: Good morning >o<
What. the. fuck.
Seonghwa really hated himself. He really did. If only he had never wanted to become a singer. If only he had never met Wooyoung. Did he hate Wooyoung or himself more? Probably Wooyoung. Nah, probably himself. If only he could just dig a hole-
Best leader Hong: You like someone?
His fingers, which were covered in cold sweat, flew over the screen as he tried to salvage his mistake.
Toothless: Haha was talking to wooyoung about cheesy lines from kdramas
Best leader Hong: In the morning?
Toothless: Yeah haha
Toothless: Good morning :) You were looking for me?
Best leader Hong: Oh it’s nothing, rly :p
There was a pause as Hongjoong kept typing, but nothing came for a while. In the other group chat, utter chaos was breaking out as the younger members started to bicker over Seonghwa’s disappearance.
Tall tree: he’s talking to his future boyfriend shhhh
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: you have too much confidence in seonghwa hyung, yunho
Seonghwa rolled his eyes, swiping away the notifications while waiting for Hongjoong to finish typing. The “typing…” that was at the top of his screen flickered continuously, as if Hongjoong was typing and backspacing constantly.
Best leader Hong: Take care of yourself
Seonghwa sighed. Hongjoong was as cold as Seonghwa expected.
Best leader Hong: Can we facetime? I wanna talk to you ^o^
Seonghwa nearly choked on a yawn as his heartbeat rate, which was just slowing down, started to accelerate again. He stared silently at his screen for a few seconds, unsure of what to reply. Why did Hongjoong want to facetime him early in the morning?
Best leader Hong: Haha I mean maybe tomorrow? >o<
Best leader Hong: I’ll call everyone though
Seonghwa sighed in both disappointment and relief, scolding himself for thinking he was special as he started to type his reply. Then, he paused, remembering what his teammate-turned-mentor Wooyoung said. Intensify the flirting.
Seonghwa typed a message tentatively and tapped his finger against the side of his phone, wondering if he should send the message. Then, Wooyoung's message popped up in his head again - CONFIDENCE - and, clenching his eyes shut, he hit the ‘send’ button.
Toothless: Of course~ Anything for you hotcakes <3
“What the heck, hyung.”
Although his phone was a distance away from him, Seonghwa could still hear the disappointment in Wooyoung’s voice.
“Hyung…”
Shit. Even Yunho sounded disappointed.
“Hyung, if Hongjoong hyung only found you weird before, he’s gonna think you’re a creep now,” Mingi admitted.
“Hotcakes?” Yeosang sputtered as he finally let go of the laughter he was holding in. “Hyung, you’re only a year older than us, right? You’re not a real boomer?” He paused to scrutinise the screenshots that Seonghwa had sent them. “Never mind, look at the boomer emoticons that Hongjoong hyung uses. They’re practically two peas of the same pod.”
“If this is the level we are starting with, I’m quitting this mission,” Jongho added, and a chorus of agreement came from the speaker of the phone.
Seonghwa’s cheeks were flushed with redness as he threw himself onto his bed in defeat. “I wasn’t thinking, okay? Help me rectify the situation! What do I do now?”
“Hyung, you’re going to give me a headache before my illness does...” San complained.
“Hyung, maybe Hongjoong hyung hasn’t read the message?” Yeosang suggested. “Why don’t you delete it?”
“But if he had read it, wouldn't it become more awkward?” Seonghwa groaned, burying his face into his blanket as he prayed for the bed to open up to swallow him. “This is it. This is how I die.”
“Maybe Hongjoong hyung would appreciate boomer flirting? He’s kinda a boomer himself,” Mingi offered.
Seonghwa glared at the phone as he spat, “Stop calling us boomers, asshats. We’re only a year older.”
Suddenly, a notification sound filled the air as a fancafe notification lit up Seonghwa’s screen.
Kim Hongjoong posted 3 seconds ago.
I miss you guys a lot.
“Oh my god ohmygod ohmygod he’s onlinehe’s online what do I do-” Seonghwa jolted up from his bed. His phone slid off the blanket and Seonghwa clambered clumsily to save his phone, only to see it clatter onto the floor. He tripped over his own feet that were tangled in the blanket and tumbled onto the floor.
“Hyung, what the hell’s going on there? Are you okay?” Yunho asked in concern while chuckling and chortling was heard from the other members.
“Hyung has really fallen head over heels for Hongjoong hyung,” Jongho joked. San sighed. “Not the dad jokes…”
Suddenly, Wooyoung sprang up from the bed in his own quarantine room, excitement filling his voice. “Hyung, hyung, don’t panic! This is how you can correct your mistake!”
Hongjoong manoeuvred his mouse as he listened to the simple beats that were playing from his laptop. Flitting his eyes to his phone screen occasionally, he waited patiently for the other members to reply to his fancafe post.
Suddenly, his screen lit up.
Park Seonghwa replied to Kim Hongjoong’s post 4 seconds ago.
You miss me most, right?
A smile pulled at his lips as he giggled softly at Seonghwa’s comment.
Kim Hongjoong replied to his post 2 seconds ago.
I miss jjang jjang man Sannie the most.
He laughed to himself as he imagined Seonghwa’s face while reading his reply. He always loved teasing his same-age friend the most, loving the way Seonghwa’s cheeks would colour a pretty pink that contrasted with the melanin of his skin when he was shy, the way his eyes would crinkle into crescents when he laughed, and the way he had picked up Hongjoong’s habit of rubbing the back of his neck when he was embarrassed. Everything about the older man was so cute that Hongjoong often wondered if Seonghwa was truly the oldest of the team.
Hongjoong clicked into kakaotalk, checking his messages for the first time since this morning as he had been working on a new song.
Toothless: Anything for you hotcakes <3
Hongjoong’s eyes widened. What...in the world.
He did a double-take before looking at his screen again.
Hotcakes.
Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows as he wiped his eyes to ascertain if he had read the message wrongly.
Suddenly, the message disappeared.
Hongjoong tilted his head to one side in confusion. Was he seeing things?
Anyway, there was no way Seonghwa would use such a...cheesy pet name on him. Hell, there’s no way Seonghwa would use a pet name on him.
Yes, he must be seeing things.
“Hyung! If you knew that he’s awake, why did you delete the message!?”
Pandemonium was breaking out in the seven-way voice call as the younger members chided their oldest hyung.
“Didn’t you see his reply in fancafe? He’s obviously rejecting me!” Seonghwa said in panic, rolling around his bed as he wrapped himself up in his blanket like a cocoon. “Guuuuys I wanna give up. What if Hongjoong’s...straight?”
Wooyoung sputtered, spitting coffee back into his 1-litre jug of americano. He coughed violently as he tried to grasp what his oldest hyung had just said. “What!? Straight? Hongjoong hyung? He’s the fruitiest person I know!”
A unison of cries and protests sounded from the speaker of Seonghwa’s phone.
“Seonghwa hyung, Hongjoong hyung’s so gay that if I flip open the dictionary, Hongjoong hyung’s name will be listed under the synonyms for gay,” Yunho deadpanned.
Yeosang sighed, trying to sound more serious as he said, “Have you considered that he just doesn’t know that you like him because you’re a lousy and embarrassing flirter?”
Seonghwa’s muffled voice came from under the blanket. “You’re no longer my favourite son, Yeosang.”
“We can’t let shit like this happen again. We need to prep Seonghwa hyung for his facetime with Hongjoong hyung tomorrow,” Mingi offered, as the other younger members hummed in agreement.
Seonghwa lifted his head from beneath his blanket, his usually neat black hair unkempt. “Save me…”
⋆⋅⋆
Day 2 (11 July 2021)
Seonghwa tapped a finger against his chin as he crossed his legs in impatience. It was already nighttime but Hongjoong still had not called him. Bored, he scrolled through his photo gallery that was akin to a bottomless pit for a selfie. He eventually posted a picture of himself with star stickers on his cheek and sent it to the Universe app with the message, “Who’s the real star? Whoever guesses correctly gets Hongjoong’s aegyo~”
After replying to his fans on Universe, he was still bored, and he started to send messages into the seven-membered group chat.
Mission: GST (7)
Toothless: i’m gonna cry
Toothless: why isn’t he calling
Toothless: does he think im weird
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: hyung he’s literally one of your closest friends why are you panicking
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: also he already called everyone i’m sure you’re next
Little Devil: i hope hongjoong hyung falls asleep and doesnt call
Toothless: Do you wanna die jung wooyoung
Seonghwa's favourite SAN: it’s so cute to see seonghwa hyung panic
Seonghwa's favourite SAN: young ah did you panic like this before we dated
Little Devil: panic? wdym i’m the most confident gay ever
Little Devil: i didn’t even break a sweat
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: sannie remember that bruise wooyoung had on his forehead during trainee days?
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: he bumped into a wall while walking cos u texted him back
Little Devil: kang yeosang.
Little Devil: just wait till we are out of quarantine.
Little Devil: WHAT HAPPENED TO LOYALTY
Little Devil: WHAT HAPPENED TO 6 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: lol
Seonghwa's favourite SAN: aww young ah i feel better seeing this hehe <3
Little Devil: aww sannieeee <33
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: ughhhhhhhh
Seonghwa smiled at his phone while he watched the banter between Yeosang, San and Wooyoung.
Suddenly, his phone rang, and the display name signalled that it was Hongjoong calling. Pushing himself up into a sitting position immediately, Seonghwa patted his fringe to make sure that it was neat before accepting the call. It was strange - before they embarked on this strange mission (or more like he was forced to), Seonghwa had allowed Hongjoong to see his most unglam sides - from his sweaty self after practice to deliberately-taken unglam pictures. Screw that, Hongjoong had even seen Seonghwa naked. But it was like the mission made him ten times more self-conscious, and he just wanted to look the best in front of Hongjoong.
“Hey Hwa.” Hongjoong’s familiar soothing voice sounded through the speaker as Seonghwa tried his best not to swoon at the nickname. Hongjoong laid on his side, one cheek squished against the pillow as his brown hair fanned over it. His adorable sleepy voice hinted that he just woke up from a nap. Typical Hongjoong and his fucked-up sleep schedule. Who naps at a time people go to sleep?
“Hey Joongie, just woke up?” Seonghwa asked, trying to sound as collected as he could despite the slight rush in his words that betrayed his excitement.
“Yeah…” Hongjoong’s weary voice trailed off.
“Why are you so tired even during quarantine? Stayed up last night doing songs?” Seonghwa probed.
Hongjoong broke into a sheepish smile as he finally pushed himself into a sitting position. He smoothed his hair as he said, “You caught me again. It’s bad to have someone know me so well.”
A smile spread over Seonghwa’s face unwittingly as he pressed his lips together to try to control his smile. It was really not normal for Seonghwa’s heart to start beating this fast just by one measly thing Hongjoong said, but by now, Seonghwa was so gone for their leader that nothing was normal anymore.
“You need to learn how to rest when you need to,” Seonghwa chided, concerned as he knew that their leader often forgot how to take care of himself when he was alone.
“I know, I know,” Hongjoong said, flipping on his back to shift to a more comfortable position. The dim light coming from the bedside table lamp illuminated half of his face, highlighting his radiant smile as he spoke to Seonghwa. “Hwa…It’s kinda weird to not have you by my side, yapping my head off.”
Seonghwa immediately felt a clench in his chest at Hongjoong’s words. He knew that their leader didn’t like to express his emotions directly, and it was even rarer for Hongjoong to say anything affectionate to Seonghwa, as the former had somehow decided that all the affection he had would be reserved for the younger members. Seonghwa knew that “it’s kinda weird to not hear you yapping my head off” was practically Hongjoong’s version of “I miss you”.
Seonghwa smiled and replied, “You know it’s okay to just admit you miss me? I miss you too, Hongjoong.”
“What...I didn’t…” Hongjoong muttered. Then, he sighed before saying, “Okay fine, maybe I miss you just a little bit. Just a tiiiiiny bit! Mostly because you clean up after me.”
Seonghwa chuckled at Hongjoong’s words, used to his tsundere nature. “Right, right. I get it.”
“Whatever,” Hongjoong brushed it off before changing the topic. “Anyway, what’s with the ‘I’ll give you Hongjoong’s aegyo’ on Universe?”
“Remember you used to have a habit of saying you’ll give atinys my aegyo? So you can do it and I can’t?” Seonghwa teased.
Hongjoong sighed, rolling over in his bed yet again. From the tiny screen on Seonghwa’s phone, he could see tufts of bed hair sticking out cutely. Hongjoong carded his fingers through his bed hair, smiling cheekily. “I can’t give atinys something that isn’t special. I’m always cute.” Then, he pouted as he pointed to the slightly red blemishes on his face, “But look, I have so many unwanted friends on my skin now.”
Seonghwa chuckled before replying genuinely, “Remember what I said in the vlive after Kingdom ended? I think you look best when you’re bare-faced.”
Hongjoong rolled his eyes in joking annoyance. “Yeah right.”
Seonghwa paused, tilting his head to one side before saying seriously, “I mean everything I say to you, Joong ah.”
Hongjoong looked up in surprise at the sincerity in Seonghwa’s voice. He averted his eyes again, rubbing the back of his neck shyly. “Do you really think so? To be honest, I always feel kind of self-conscious when I do vlives without makeup.”
Seonghwa was the one to be surprised this time. “What why? I think you always look good.”
“What’s with you today...you’re being so nice,” Hongjoong mumbled.
Oh no. Did Hongjoong notice something out of the blue? But I should be glad he’s finally realising something.
Seonghwa smiled. “I’m always nice. Anyway, what have you been doing? Gonna show me what you’ve been working on?”
Hongjoong finally got up from his bed, heading to the table and propping his phone against the wall. He leaned out of the frame of his phone camera and Seonghwa heard the sound of his monitor switching on. Hongjoong’s head popped back on screen and he asked, “Are you sure you want to listen to it? I haven’t filled in the lyrics, so I simply hummed to the tune in my demo.”
“Of course I want to listen to your music,” Seonghwa insisted. “I’m sure it’s great, Joong ah.”
Hongjoong broke into a bright smile, and Seonghwa felt his heart clench at his endearing smile. Hongjoong double-clicked on the mouse, and a tune started playing. As the melody travelled through the speaker of Seonghwa’s phone, he felt himself fall silent as he closed his eyes to focus on the track. Although the song was clearly incomplete, the simple instrumental coupled with Hongjoong’s soothing humming created a magical mix of melancholy and sentimentality. By the time the song ended, Seonghwa was still sitting motionlessly with his eyes closed, enamoured by the music.
Hongjoong coughed awkwardly. “Sorry, it’s probably kinda boring. You didn’t fall asleep listening to it, did you?”
Seonghwa’s eyes sprang open at that. “Fall asleep? Joongie, it’s so good!”
“Is it really? Don’t lie to me…” Hongjoong mumbled.
“It is!” Seonghwa insisted, nodding his head vigorously. “Have you thought about what the song will be about?”
“Eden hyung thinks Mingi and I should write more love songs,” Hongjoong replied, his voice turning into a low murmur as he focused on his monitor. “So this is probably going to be a love song.”
“What will you be writing about?” Seonghwa asked, curiosity filling his eyes. He knew that their leader was good, no, a genius at writing songs, but he didn’t write love songs frequently.
“About...about unrequited love,” Hongjoong replied, his voice faltering a little at the end.
What.
Unrequited love.
There was an awkward silence as Seonghwa paused on the other side of the screen, unsure of what to do with this information. Part of him told himself that anybody, including those who had never experienced love, could write about unrequited love, but yet the other part of him that wanted to know if Hongjoong was writing about a specific someone prompted him to probe more. Clearing his throat, Seongbwa laughed awkwardly as he asked cautiously, “You’d probably have a hard time writing about something you’ve never experienced.” Maybe I can help you.
“Who says I’ve never experienced unrequited love?” Hongjoong replied, navigating his mouse, the clicking sound distinct in the quietness of the quarantine room.
Seonghwa’s eyes widened, and he nearly choked on his next words. “You’ve...you’ve never told me you liked someone who didn’t like you back.”
“That’s because I had been ignoring it until recently,” came Hongjoong’s easy reply.
Violent coughing came from the other side of Hongjoong’s phone screen as he saw Seonghwa double over.
“Hey Hwa, are you okay?” Hongjoong asked worriedly.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine,” Seonghwa managed as his face appeared on screen again. He forced a smile, waving his hands as if to brush off what had just happened. “Choked on my saliva, that’s all.”
Okay, what the heck.
Seonghwa’s brain was short-circuiting as he visibly grimaced at the thought of Hongjoong writing a love song about unrequited love for someone else. Someone else that wasn’t Seonghwa. Some other person who didn’t know Hongjoong as well as Seonghwa did, who wouldn’t agree with Hongjoong that mint choc chip ice cream sucks, who wouldn’t listen to the songs Hongjoong made, who wouldn’t go down to their studio at 4am to drag Hongjoong back to the dormitory, who wouldn’t treat Hongjoong as Seonghwa did-
Seonghwa couldn’t help the jealousy that ate at his heart. Did he even deserve to feel this way about Hongjoong when they were just...friends?
“Hey Hwa, you okay? You’re kinda quiet,” Hongjoong probed, his eyes falling on his phone screen before flitting back to the monitor screen.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Seonghwa mumbled. “That person...is it an idol from another girl group?”
“Girl group? Seonghwa, you know I’m gay right?”
Right, there was the answer to the question Seonghwa had wanted to ask for a very long time. Now that he had finally received confirmation, he wanted to jump up and down and have a celebratory dance, but he really wasn’t feeling any form of exhilaration when Hongjoong just broke the news that he liked someone. Hongjoong, the amazing, intelligent, captivating Kim Hongjoong, captain of the group, the man who sometimes seemed like a cold wind that blew past, the tsundere who had said on vlive that he didn’t want to get married to knock down the fantasies of their fans, liked someone. What was Seonghwa going to do with this information?
“So...it’s a boy group,” Seonghwa said, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. He felt like his blood had turned completely icy-cold as he continued to sit paralysed in the same position, his eyes facing away from the screen.
Hongjoong hummed in agreement.
Oh no. Hongjoong liked someone from another boy group. Seonghwa felt like someone had kicked him in his guts and had a tight grip on his heart, making a suffocating feeling rise in his chest. Immediately, Seonghwa felt a whirlwind of questions race through his mind as he felt a coalescence of emotions simultaneously - hot, scalding jealousy, anger, curiosity that itched at every inch of his skin, and an inevitable dejection. Who was this lucky man? One of the guys from Kingdom? Oh god, what if it was one of the members from other groups whom Seonghwa was close to? How was he going to face them from now on? He really wanted to scold himself for being so overly dramatic, yet his words seemed to get stuck in his throat as he found himself asking nothing.
“Anyway,” Hongjoong broke into his train of thoughts. “Why are we talking about this? What have you been doing?”
“Oh, just watching dramas and stuff,” Seonghwa replied, his subconscious speaking for him as he felt the conscious part of him die a little. “Actually...I’m kinda tired. Can we end it today?”
“Of course,” Hongjoong answered, finally looking back to the phone screen. “You always sleep so early. That’s why I don’t sleep in our room back in the dorm, Hwa ah.”
And is that my fault? Seonghwa wanted to snap, but stopped himself. It wasn’t right to get angry at Hongjoong. It wasn’t his fault.
“Bye Hongjoong,” Seonghwa mumbled, forcing a smile and clicking on the “end call” button before Hongjoong even managed to bid Seonghwa farewell.
Mission: GST (7)
Toothless: I’ve been jilted
Little Devil: NO FUCKING WAY
Fake maknae: Wait what
Seonghwa's favourite SAN: NO HYUNG EXPLAIN URSELF WTF
Toothless: Hongjoong told me he likes a boy from another group.
Toothless: Didn’t say who.
Little Devil: NO THIS CANNOT BE
Little Devil: MY SEONGJOONG??
Little Devil: WAIT NO WAY
Little Devil: I CANT ACCEPT THISSKDDDKMDKM
FIX ON BITCHES: WHAT WAITTTT
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: huh??
Tall tree: hyung maybe hongjoong hyung’s talking about u!!
FIX ON BITCHES: YEAHHH
Toothless: No guys...you don’t have to comfort me
Toothless: I know he isn’t talking about me
Toothless: It’s a gut feeling
Seonghwa's favourite SAN: er…...
Little Devil: oh god hyung...maybe he is??
Little Devil: don’t give up :((
Fake maknae: R u ok hyung??
Tall tree: yeah u need us to call u or smth?
Toothless: I’m okay
Toothless: I think…
Toothless: Well i WILL be okay
Toothless: I got over all those crushes i had in high school
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: hyung...i know you’ve been calling this a crush, but those crushes you had in high school were short-lived
Seonghwa's favourite son but a little worse: this is a two year old...idk love? For the leader of the group you will be in for many years to come
Seonghwa didn’t know how Yeosang always spoke the truth. Sometimes, he just wanted to hear lies, lies that can allow him to pretend things were going to be okay when they were not.
Mission: GST (7)
Seonghwa's favourite SAN: hyung :(((( wanna call?
Toothless: Nah i think i’m kinda tired
Toothless: Don’t worry guys i’m ok
Toothless: I’m gonna go to sleep goodnight guys!
Toothless: Thanks for all the advice yall gave me although it couldnt be used haha
Toothless has left this chat.
⋆⋅⋆
Day -517 (9 February 2020)
If Seonghwa had to choose one day where he had confirmed he was in love with Hongjoong, it was on the second day of their Fellowship Tour.
Having a concert at the Olympic Hall was a dream come true for the eight of them, and the tour had been one of the most memorable moments of Seonghwa’s life.
It was near the end of the concert on February ninth, and the encore was starting. The familiar intro of “Thank U” blasted from the speakers, and the crowd cheered as the members walked around the stage, prepared to have an encore that would wrap the concert up properly.
Seonghwa glanced at the big screen at the back of the stage, trying to stop the tears from welling in his eyes as the concert slowly came to its end. Hongjoong’s voice floated through Seonghwa’s in-ears, the familiar lyrics warming Seonghwa’s heart.
These days, I keep on thinking about this
I’ve been doing pretty well until now and I think the proof of that is you
We fought and targeted each other
But we just took each other for granted
I feel uneasy when saying these words
You know what I mean
As the lines ended, Seonghwa walked to the front of the stage, waving to the happy faces dotting the concert hall as he smiled longingly, wishing that the tour wouldn’t end so soon.
When I think of you, there’s a lot I’m sorry for
As San sang his lines, Seonghwa suddenly felt a pair of arms envelop him from the back. He glanced back in surprise to see that it was their leader who was hugging him. Hongjoong had told him that he was going to initiate more skinship during “Thank U”, but when it actually happened, it felt so strange yet right at the same time. Hongjoong was leaning in awfully close, and if Seonghwa had dared to look, he would have been able to count Hongjoong’s long lashes and trace the outline of his sharp cheekbones with his eyes. As Hongjoong was slightly shorter, he had to tip-toe a little to wrap his arms around Seonghwa. Even then, he couldn’t back hug him fully, so Seonghwa naturally placed a hand on Hongjoong’s smaller ones. The heat that was emanating from Hongjoong’s hands comforted Seonghwa and they swayed from side to side playfully as the melodious voices of the other members rang in their in-ears.
I want to say these words now
Suddenly, Hongjoong removed Seonghwa’s in-ear and leaned in closer to him. At that moment, half of the sound streaming in through Seonghwa’s in-ears was blotted out, and he could only hear Hongjoong’s voice, clear as day, in his left ear. “Thank you.”
By the time Seonghwa had gotten over his surprise, Hongjoong had already playfully bounded away to look for the other members. Though the music blasted on, the melody seemed to have dimmed slightly, and Seonghwa could only hear the rush of blood in his ears. The shiver that went down his spine when Hongjoong sang in his ears still chilled him to the bones, and it was as if the ghost of Hongjoong’s voice was still lingering by the side of his left ear.
The song played on, its heartwarming melody coming to an end.
Thank you because we can depend on each other in this tough world
In the event of a typhoon
When the rain is heavy and the wind rises
Hongjoong approached Seonghwa again, yanking on the drawstrings of Seonghwa’s hoodie to pull him closer. As Seonghwa sang his lines, Hongjoong wrapped an arm around Seonghwa’s waist, pulling him impossibly close as he echoed the lines that Seonghwa sang. Under the blinding stage lights, the white and the silver of their mics glinted, reflecting the gleam in their eyes.
You and me, you and me
It’ll always be us
As the song ended, the members gathered at the centre of the stage. The lights dimmed and Seonghwa caught the look in Hongjoong’s eyes as he broke into a scintillating smile - one that outshone any of the spotlights. His eyes were happy, full of endearment for his members, full of passion and love for the stage.
Simply put, this was when his crush on Hongjoong started blooming. But to put it into detail, it wasn’t just a crush. In fact, it was hard to put into words. It was admiration, it was amazement - that everything Hongjoong did could be so captivating, no matter to the audience or Seonghwa himself. When he thought about the other man, the hard-working, unyielding man who worked himself to the bone, he just wanted to kiss him silly - he wanted to kiss him despite the blinding stage lights, despite the flashing lights of the fans’ cameras, and despite the glaring scrutiny of the world.
It was on that day that Seonghwa confirmed that this was what love felt like.