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The day that you first kissed Abby was a strange day. It was a couple weeks before the smuggler and the girl showed up at the hospital—before Abby was changed forever—when there was still a modicum of hope for humanity. You had secretly been pining for Abby for forever and while it may have started off as a childish crush that you were certain would fade with time, it only seemed to evolve and grow with every passing day. Eventually, by the time the both of you were almost adults you were hopelessly and irretrievably in love with Abby.
The day was the same as most, you and Abby spent most of it wandering around the hospital, helping out occasionally even though there wasn’t much that the both of you really could do. When night came and the warm, summer air turned to a cool breeze, you were laid spread out on a makeshift bench made of hospital chairs, trying to distract yourself. For reasons that ultimately came to reveal itself, you were filled with a deep sense of fear and trepidation; you didn’t know why, but you just couldn’t shake the dread that seemed to occupy your every thought. Then—almost as if she could sense your worry—Abby suddenly appeared by your side, sitting on a stray chair with a cheeky expression.
“Guess what I brought?”
Turning your attention to the hand Abby was hiding behind her back, you propped yourself up on your elbows with a mischievous smile plastered on your face. “You didn’t.”
Abby sighed dramatically as she brought her hand forward to reveal a bottle of whiskey she must have snatched from one of the other fireflies. “You drastically underestimate my powers, Y/N.”
You grabbed the bottle from Abby to examine it more closely. “Shall we celebrate in our office?”
“You read my mind.”
The “office” was really just a codeword for the roof of the hospital that had become a little hangout for the two of you. It was a place where you spent the night staring at the stars and talking until you’d pass out, or just a place to go when you needed some time away from everything. You could still remember the day you found it, how the two of you dragged the hospital chairs up five flights of stairs along with a bunch of blankets so you could make a little fort. It was a hidden sanctuary—a place for just the two of you.
“No seriously! What do you think they smell like?” Abby exclaimed loudly, trying to sound sincere despite the slur of her words and the gigantic smile on her face.
You laughed loudly, curling into Abby’s shoulder as you covered your face with your hands. The alcohol was warm in your stomach and in your throat, leaving a fuzzy feeling in your chest. You and Abby were lying side by side on a small blanket, staring at the stars and laughing like maniacs.
You attempted to respond but let out a tiny snort instead, prompting another fit of laughter from the both of you. “I don’t know! Cheese, maybe?”
Abby looked at you with a wide smile on her face, her eyebrows curved inwards as she spoke. “Cheese. You think spores smell like cheese? What like… cheddar?”
“I mean, aren’t spores basically just mold?”
Abby huffed. “I guess… I don’t know. I think I’ve always imagined them smelling really good. Just to taunt us, you know? Spores could smell like peaches and strawberries and we’d never know—something delectable that’s just out of reach.” Abby turned to look at you as she finished that last sentence. There was something in her gaze that seemed to convey more than words could, but just as quickly as it happened, the tension in those few seconds faded and Abby’s attention was back on the stars. “I’m surprised there aren’t more studies about this, we can’t be the only people who’ve asked this question.”
You shrugged awkwardly. “Yeah, I guess they’re all busy turning into flesh-eating monsters or whatever.”
“Hm… fair enough, fair enough.”
As you sat up to take another swig of the whiskey, you were filled with a sudden stroke of courage, something that was most definitely a product of the alcohol mixed with the floodgate of emotions that were itching to be released. Laying back down, your eyes focused their attention on the stars as you spoke.
“Abs?”
Abby hummed in response, clearly oblivious to the pounding of your heart.
You rolled onto your side, gazing at Abby. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Y/N.” Abby responded casually, not comprehending the full weight of those three words.
You sat up again, looking into her eyes as you spoke with absolute earnesty. “No Abs, I love you.”
The realization suddenly hit her and she quickly whipped her head to face you. There was a sort of panic in her expression and you suddenly felt a deep sense of regret. How could you have been so stupid? You were putting Abby in such an uncomfortable situation all because you couldn’t control your stupid emotions. God, and you knew that Owen liked Abby—you could tell by the way he looked at her, and you still just confessed your love for her. The word idiot repeated in your head over and over again as you watched a slack-jawed Abby try to form a response.
“Fuck, um I’m going to- I should go back.” Tears pricked your eyes as you tried to make an escape. There was no sense in sitting here, waiting to hear the words you knew she’d never say back.
Just as you sat up to make a break for the door, Abby grabbed your hand. Her grip wasn’t rough or harsh, quite the opposite actually and when you looked back at her, your heart broke at the sight. There were small tears falling from her big blue eyes as she let out a quiet “Y/N.”
You kneeled down next to her tentatively while she wiped away the tears with the sleeve of her sweater. “Abs I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean t-“
You were cut off by Abby’s arms wrapped around yours, enveloping you in her warmth. She hugged you desperately, like she feared you would disappear if she didn’t.
“Wh-” You tried to speak but Abby was quicker, her lips on yours before you could even finish.
The kiss wasn’t perfect—in fact, it was far from it. It was clumsy and messy and not graceful by any means; the complete opposite of perfect in the conventional way you’d expect your first kiss to be, but it was real. It was so real and pure and everything you could’ve wanted because it was with her. There was something so inherently raw and unclad about the kiss that you couldn’t be bothered that you had no idea what you were doing, or that Abby missed your mouth by a mile when she first leaned in to kiss you.
It wasn’t perfect but it was true.
When the two of you finally broke apart for air, you and Abby burst out laughing. The momentary awkwardness having shifted back into that same familiarity the two of you have always shared.
“You’re such an asshole! I literally thought I was going to fuck up our friendship.” You pushed Abby’s shoulder playfully and she gave you an offended look.
“Excuse me for not realizing Ms.‘You’re-like-a-sister-to-me’.”
You scoffed, holding up your pointer finger. “One time! I said that one time and it was obviously a joke.”
“I didn’t know that!” Your stomach ached from laughter as you curled into the crook of Abby’s shoulder. She was warm and smelled nice, the perfect pillow.
The rest of that night was spent under the stars, laughing, kissing, cuddling until the both of you were fast asleep in each other’s arms. You could still recall Owen’s face when he burst through the doors in a worried panic to find you nestled in Abby’s arms. Safe to say, he stopped flirting with Abby after that.
It’s funny to think about how different things were all those years ago, how easy and innocent everything was. It had been nearly a month now since the two of you had seen each other and all you could think about these past few weeks was Abby. You just missed her desperately; her beautiful eyes, her soft, inviting lips, hell, you even missed her smell. You sat on the beach staring at the stars in the sky, tucking your nose into the sweater you snatched from her before leaving. It smelled like heavy rainfall, the faintest hint of pine, and something else you couldn’t quite place, but it reminded you of home—of the only home you’ve ever really known.
You had no idea how much longer you’d have to be here. The Fireflies had received a signal from one of their bases on the mainland and sent a team to locate them, but it’s been weeks now and there still hasn’t been any luck. You along with the rest of your crew were starting to grow increasingly more impatient as each day passed and the rival groups were getting more dangerous, but the group was determined nonetheless. The signal had come from a woman with two young children and a baby who travelled for weeks just to find the Fireflies, and you guys weren't going to give up—not yet.
The group had found a small cave on the beach to camp out in and you couldn’t help but think of the hidden sanctuary you and Abby shared. In fact, almost everything reminded you of her; the embers from the fire that sat in front of you conjured images of the freckles that decorated her cheeks, and the crashing of the waves sounded like the storms in Seattle when you were both with the WLF. Flashes of nights spent curled up next to Abby while she stroked your back, trying to distract you from the booming thunder outside appeared like a distant dream, and you felt an emptiness in the space next to you where she should be.
You and Abby had been nearly inseparable for almost your entire lives; from the Fireflies in Salt Lake, to the WLF in Seattle, and now the Fireflies on Catalina Island, Abby’s been by your side through it all. This was the longest you’ve been without her and it was incredibly difficult not having her here to coax you through the nightmares that seemed to worsen the longer you were without her, or to make you laugh when you felt like the world was grinding you into a fine dust. It seemed as though there wasn’t a problem of yours that couldn’t be fixed with her lips on yours.
Sure, there have been others but nothing real ever quite stuck, and no one could even begin to compare to Abby. No one kissed like her, cuddled like her, did… other things like her. You missed her touch more than you could say, and at this rate, you’d likely be away from it for a while.
“No luck with the traders?” Your friend had spoken to some people that were travelling through the area, seeking information about the family.
“Nah, but I did get this.” Plopping down next to you, your friend held up a cheesy hat with a green fish on it and some text that was virtually unreadable.
Struggling to stifle the laughter that dared to escape your mouth, you smiled pleasantly as you spoke. “Oh so that’s where all of our food went towards.”
Your friend scoffed as she dramatically put the hat onto her head. “I’ll have you know that I got this for a very good price, aaaand I also got this.”
Your eyes lit up at the sight before you. “No fucking way! You found it?”
Your friend held up a leather bound book that was in surprisingly good shape, it’s pages seemingly untouched and the gold lettering on the spine as pristine as a twenty year old book could possibly be. It was a beautiful copy of one of Abby’s favourites “City of Thieves”. The one in the library back in Seattle was tattered and had pages torn out, something that was unfortunately common for most of the collection on the WLF base. She was going to lose her shit when she saw this.
You tried to reach for it but your friend swept it out of your reach before you could grab it and you hissed. “What the hell?”
“Admit you like my hat and I’ll give you your precious book.”
You crossed your arms in front of your chest, looking as unimpressed as ever. “Just because I’m saying it doesn’t make it true.”
Your friend threw on a dramatically offended expression while she scoffed loudly, hugging the book tightly to her chest. “Wow! No book for you I guess.”
You sighed loudly, groaning as you gave your friend a look of defeat. “Ugh, fine. I guess your hat isn’t… horrible?”
Your friend had a proud expression on her face as she handed the book over. “Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
You rolled your eyes as you snatched the book before she could try anything else, and just as you were about to make a snarky comment, your commanding officer was calling out to everyone.
Everything moved quickly after that, and suddenly a month's work somehow found its completion the minute the woman and her children stumbled onto the beach where the Fireflies had set up camp. Sometimes destiny had a funny way of working things out.
Soon enough everyone was on a boat back to the Island. And while you were ecstatic about finding the family, the only thought that seemed to be running through your mind was that of Abby. Even on the car ride back to the camp while your friend was chatting your ear off, you were utterly distracted by the feeling of the leather bound book beneath your fingertips. The ridges and richness of the paper that somehow grounded you during the entire journey back, reminding you of her hands; gruff things with a certain hardness from handling firearms and punching literal zombies in the face. God you were whipped for this woman.
Not even waiting for the truck to stop completely, you ignored your friend’s concerned shouts as you hopped out of the back and ran into the stadium towards the boards to see if Abby was on assignment. She was listed for a patrol earlier today which meant she had to be in the stadium, you just weren’t sure where. A rowdy table in the corner of your eye caught your attention and you jogged over to it, recognizing a familiar voice from behind a crowd of people.
“Manny!” You shouted, jumping above the crowd so he could spot you.
“Y/N!” Manny was already jogging over towards you before embracing you tightly, lifting you off your feet and swinging you in a circle before plopping you down on your feet. “When did you get back?”
“Just now.” You replied excitedly looking him up and down, only now noticing the large beard on his face. “I see that I’ve missed a lot though. What animal did you skin to get that patch of fur?” You reached out to pet it but Manny quickly swatted your hand away.
“I’m trying something new, okay?” Manny scoffed. “Anyways, have you seen Abby? She’s gonna go crazy when she sees you.”
You looked at Manny with a raised eyebrow, trying to suppress the grin that formed at the sound of Abby’s name. “Oh yeah?”
“You’re all she’s been talking about for the last month. ‘I miss Y/N. I wonder when Y/N’s coming back. I hope Y/N’s okay.’ Non-stop, I’m serious. She’s been driving me crazy.”
You giggled at Manny’s terrible impression of Abby, she totally would’ve punched him in the arm if she heard it. “I haven’t seen her yet. Any idea where she might be?”
Manny shrugged, shooting you a slightly apologetic look. “Sorry, I wouldn’t know. I’d check the usual spots though, I think she just got back from a patrol a couple hours ago.”
You checked the library first, then the cafeteria, then the gym. It only took you twenty minutes to realize that you neglected the most obvious spot in the stadium. As you sprinted up the stairs that led to the dorms—nearly trampling some people on the way—you rushed through crowds of people, squeezing and pushing until you finally reached your room. You fumbled with your key, hands shaking as you struggled to unlock the door. Slowly you turned the doorknob, taking a deep breath in before pushing the door open.
The room was flooded with darkness, the only light coming from the dim illumination of the light in the hallway. From what you could tell, the room looked just as you remembered it; neat piles of books in the same corner it always was, tea-stained mugs stacked on top of eachother in the sink, and laying in your bed peaceful as ever was Abby. Quietly, you walked up to the bundle of sheets in the corner of the room, pillows fallen on the floor from restless sleep. You took a moment to commit the image of Abby sleeping to your memory; sprawled out on the bed with her arm resting across her stomach, book in hand, her hair loose and spread out like a halo beneath her head, soft snores flowing out of her mouth. A picture of peace and domesticity you’ve missed so much.
You brushed a small strand of hair on Abby’s forehead aside, the rigid mattress only dipping slightly as you sat upon it. Softly you brought your hand to Abby’s cheek caressing it tenderly. Abby’s eyelids still droopy from sleep peaked open slightly, widening suddenly when she realized it was you. And although Abby was still dizzy from sleep and too disoriented to notice the perfect copy of her favorite book resting in your lap, she leapt out of her positing to embrace you tightly, holding you like she was afraid you were a dream that would disappear—holding you the same way she did on that first night years ago.
“You came back.” Abby’s voice was croaky from sleep as she buried her face into the crook of your neck.
Then her lips crashed into yours as she kissed you desperately, passionately, and you quickly returned with the same ferocity. Abby’s hand slowly crept up to cup your cheek while her other reached for your hair, brushing it away from your face. You fisted your hands in her shirt, pulling Abby impossibly close, breathing her in. The sweater like a hazy memory now that you were in her arms, breathing her in and finally exhaling for the first time in a month.
The both of you stayed like that for a while, savouring each other's touch after being without it for so long. When the both of you finally pulled away you pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth, resting your forehead against hers, noses brushing just slightly.
“I came back.”