Archive of Our Own ^beta

Magnus wandered through the graveyard, his magic reaching out around him to ensure the grass stayed green and the flowers fresh. He was making his way towards the large tombstone at the end of the path, but along the way, he passed the headstones of everyone he’d ever loved. His mother, the silent brothers who had raised him, his past lovers, his friends, Ragnor.

And at the end of the path, was Alec’s name.

Their shared name was carved into the tombstone, a timeless inscription telling everyone who dared to pass by that Alec was a loving husband and father. There was a blank spot on the stone next to his name, meant to hold Magnus’ own. But he knew that wasn’t possible unless he were to do it himself.

He had been numb his entire walk through the cemetery, but the emotions hit him all at once. Magnus crumbled to the ground in front of his husband’s grave and wailed, a sound he’d become accustomed to hearing from his own mouth since time stole his husband from him. His lip quivered as he ran his shaking hand over Alexander’s name etched in stone.

His husband was so cold, too cold.

Magnus pulled in shallow, uneven breaths as he tried to comprehend, to truly comprehend the loss that he was facing. He was hundreds of years old, no stranger to loss, but a complete stranger to a loss like this. Never once had someone died and taken his heart to the grave. Not once had someone died and taken his own will to live with them.

He’d been fighting to hold on. He had children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews; a family and friends who still loved and cared for him. Who told him every day to be strong and that he would get through his. They’d say it to him with tears in their eyes, but they’d say it nonetheless. His oldest living friends promised him that he could do it: he’d done it before, and though Alexander had changed his life, changed him, he would get through this.

But Magnus knew the truth. He wouldn’t get through this no matter how hard he tried.

The vial in his breast pocket was small, but it burned like fire against his chest. He reached for it, his hands clumsy as he finally closed his fingers around it. It took him a few tries to pop the cap off, but he eventually did. The cloudy white liquid sloshed slightly, a bit splashing onto his hands and burning his skin. He’d brewed the potion himself, one he had sworn he’d never brew. But he had to, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’ll see you soon, my love,” Magnus’ voice was soft as he raised the vial to his lips.

“Magnus,” Alexander’s voice called out to him.

“I’m coming, Alexander, ” the vial touched his lips.

“Magnus!”

He let the voice fill his head and he relished in the sound. He couldn’t wait to see him again.

“Magnus, wake up, please!”

Magnus shot upright, pulling in deep breaths as he did. He frantically looked around his dark bedroom and saw his husband standing next to the bed beside him, his silk robe hanging open as he looked at him with wide, concerned eyes.

Magnus only whined and practically launched himself into Alec’s arms, pulling his husband back onto the bed, practically on top of him. Alec held him tight, whispered soothing words as Magnus sobbed, shaking as he held him.

Alec had a feeling he knew what Magnus had been dreaming about. These days, with their lives so bureaucratic and calm, especially considering what their lives had looked like the first few years after they met, there were few things that got Magnus this worked up. Even around traumatic anniversaries, he wouldn’t thrash around in bed and moan as if he was in pain.

He would only do that when he was dreaming of Alec’s death.

“I’m here, baby,” Alec assured him as he tried to soothe him, “I’m not going anywhere,”

“You will,” Magnus moaned, practically clawing at Alec’s back, fisting his robe in his hands to try to hold him closer. Alec sighed, not knowing the best way to respond, because, there wasn’t. It was true. Alec would leave him one day, broken and alone.

There was a very light knock on their bedroom door. Both of them looked towards the door before looking back at each other. Magnus sniffled and wiped his eyes before standing and heading to the bathroom.

“Come in,” Alec called, wiping the wisps of tears that had begun to form in his eyes.

The bedroom door opened and three-year-old Max walked in almost angrily, dragging five-year-old Rafael in behind him.

“Daddy, Rafa had bad dream,” Max informed him, practically dragging Rafael to him, “he needs a hug,”

“Do you want a hug?” Alec looked at his oldest son, who was almost hiding behind Max.

“Yes, please,” Rafe’s voice was soft. Alec reached down and lifted him up onto the bed before pulling him into a hug. Rafe wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck as he was held close. Max, clearly unhappy with being left out, scrambled up onto the bed and stood on it before wrapping his arms around Rafe’s back.

Magnus opened the bathroom door, having washed his face, and pulled himself together a bit, to see his husband with both their children in his arms. He nearly broke down again at the sight. He clutched a hand tightly over his mouth to silence the whimper as Alec spoke softly to Rafael, comforting him as he had comforted Magnus just moments ago.

“You ready to go back to bed, kids?” Alec asked softly. Both the boys nodded and slid off the bed. Alec looked over his shoulder and saw Magnus standing at the bathroom door, staring emptily at them. Alec took a deep breath in before turning back to his children. He’d take care of Magnus when he put the kids to bed, they didn’t need to see him like this. Alec stood off the bed and let each of his children take one of his offered hands as he led them back to their shared bedrooms. They had initially planned to give them separate bedrooms, but, given how much Rafe had taken to Max, they figured it might ease his transition if they slept in the same room.

“Here, Max, go get in your bed, I’ll tuck you in in a second,” Alec directed him towards his own bed before leading Rafe to his own. His son climbed back into bed and Alec grabbed the stuffed lion he slept with before untangling the sheet and comforter before pulling them up to Rafe’s chin. He tucked the blankets around him and kissed his forehead lightly.

“Have sweet dreams now,” Alec spoke softly as he petted Rafe’s hair back.

“Raziel and Bapak command it,” Rafe said softly and Alec smiled at the words they’d been repeating since Rafe came home with them. Alec pressed another kiss to his forehead before going over to tuck Max in as well.

“Raziel and Bapak command good dreams,” Max smiled as Alec tucked the blankets at him.

“Yes they do,” Alec pressed a kiss to his head as well, “you’re a good brother, Max,”

Max smiled at the praise and Alec poked at his horns before bidding his sons goodnight and shutting the door behind them. He waited a moment in the hallway, preparing himself to finish the conversation he was having with Magnus. He took a deep breath and made his way back to the bedroom.

Magnus was still standing in the bathroom door, staring at the now empty spot on the bed Alec had just vacated, hand still over his mouth. Alec shut the bedroom door behind him and started walking towards his husband.

“Magnus?”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to do it,” Magnus let the hand in front of his mouth drop to his side, “I don’t think I can live without you. Even for them,”

Alec didn’t respond, just came over and pulled Magnus into his arms, but he knew what Magnus meant. Though their conversations on the topic were sparse, given how sore a subject it is between them, since they adopted their kids, Magnus had thought they would be enough. That he would survive life without Alec as long as he had their kids. But now Magnus was acknowledging the reality that he wouldn’t be able to survive, especially since one of their children would follow Alec.

“I know,” Alec spoke just as softly, holding him tight. He knew what he had to do, “I’ll talk to Lilly in the morning,”

“What?!” Magnus pulled back abruptly, staring at his husband in shock, “no no no, Alexander, I won’t let you do that, not for me,”

“I’d be doing it for me as much as you,” Alec pulled him close and rested their foreheads together before bringing them back to sit on the bed, “I’m not going to leave you, Magnus, ever, do you hear me?”

“You can’t, you can’t give up your runes,” Magnus shook his head, “you can’t give up your entire life just-just—”

“You are my entire life!” Alec nearly shouted, “no other part of my life matters without you,”

“There has to be another way,” Magnus sighed, pulling Alec against his chest.

“Then we’ll keep looking,” Alec held him tight, “I won’t give up if you won’t,”

“I won’t, I won’t give up,” Magnus shook his head and sniffled, wiping his eyes.

“How does this sound?” Alec asked softly, running his hands through Magnus’ hair, “we’ll pick an age. If we don’t find a solution by the time I hit a certain age, I’ll talk to Lilly, okay?”

“I don’t want to think of that possibility,” Magnus squeezed his eyes shut, “I don’t want you to become a vampire,”

“Well, Magnus, I’m not leaving you,” Alec insisted, “and if I have to become a vampire to do it, then I will,”

“But we try every other possibility first,” Magnus pushed a finger into his chest, “no if, ands, or buts,”

“Yes, of course,” Alec nodded, pressing a kiss against Magnus’ temple, “vampire is last resort,”

“The last resort,” Magnus all but ordered.

“Let’s go back to sleep,” Alec said softly, shifting so they were laying down, Alec holding Magnus close. Magnus pulled the blankets back up around them before turning so he was facing Alec. He practically plastered himself against his husband so it was impossible to tell where one of their bodies stopped and the other’s began.

“Have sweet dreams now,” Alec spoke softly against Magnus’ neck.

He felt rather than saw Magnus’ smile against his chest, “Raziel and Bapak command it,”

“That they do,”