Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Of course I meant it.”

It was dead quiet. With the space between them, Otis didn’t need a guide to know what would happen next. He looked at her, and a small, impulsive part of himself wanted to lean in and seal the deal, but his heart decidedly couldn’t follow.

Otis backed away, hands falling at his sides.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t.” The words resonated through the dark, it seemed. He felt dejected, but not because of Maeve. Something else was following him, shadowing his thoughts every time he took a meager step.

Maeve bit her lip and hung her head ashamedly. “I don’t think I can either,” she said after a moment.

“It just doesn’t feel right to me. I’m sorry, Maeve, because I really did mean it. At the time. And I do—did? I did like you. It’s complicated. And you have Isaac, don’t you?”

She chuckled and nodded. Relief swelled in Otis’s chest. She didn’t look like she was on the verge of tears, which was something Otis was trying to get better at. As she stood in front of him now, he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything for her. Not in a way that necessitated a kiss between them. A relationship between them.

“I think we both got a little ahead of ourselves,” she said at once. “You’re a great guy, Otis, but now that we’re here . . . I’m starting to realize that we don’t feel the same way as we did last term. Maybe we’re better off as friends. I understand.”

“You’re amazing—seriously,” he added quickly, “and good luck with Isaac.”

“Don’t stress it . . . dickhead.” She made a point to close the distance with a punch to the shoulder. “Go fix things with her.”

Otis fiddled with his jacket. He felt as if it had been suffocating him all day. It was probably cursed by their headmaster. “I’m hoping I still can.”

“Because you’re so worried that we’re going to die out here and you’ll never be able to tell her, is that it?” she teased with an unabashed smile.

The words crashed into his head like a freight train. “Agh, no!”

He brought his hands up to his head, pacing around again as he cursed at 100 words a minute. Now was the time to let all of his frustrations out. “Maeve! We wasted so much time! We could’ve—we could’ve used those minutes to find shelter, or—or help! We’re stranded, and by now the coach is probably—”

“Otis!”

When he looked up, he saw a light down the road, glaring straight at him. With some sinful glee, Otis realized that it was the coach. The coach. The one that they were supposed to be on. They hadn’t been forgotten.

Through the window, he saw Ruby’s face come over her seat, scanning over the scene presented in front of her with an expression Otis couldn’t quite decipher. Olivia said something to her, and she finally looked him in the eye.

Otis’s mouth hung slightly open as his mind raced. No, no, no. Did she think that they kissed? Was that what Olivia told her? Damn it.

Did he look guilty? He was, but not because of Maeve. There was no way that she would think that, right? There was like five feet of distance between them. Five feet had to be enough, he thought desperately.

Mr. Hendricks and Ms. Sands stepped off the coach, ushering them to get back on while also insulting Otis and implying him to be forgettable. If he wasn’t glad about the fact that he wasn’t going to get eaten alive by French wolves, as well as distracted by a few other things, then he would’ve felt insulted.

As he took his seat, his attention drifted to Ruby, eyes lingering on her. Otis just wanted her to look at him, maybe tell her with his eyes that he didn’t do anything with Maeve—that he only wanted to patch up things with Ruby. He had been utterly miserable without her.

When Kyle got up to monologue about life, Otis’s selective ears didn’t pay much attention until they caught wind of something that must’ve been a sign.

“So, if you love someone, you should tell ‘em that you love ‘em. Tell ‘em now. Because it might be too late.”

Otis’s head whipped up then, because those words were bouncing around in his head like a pinball machine. He looked over his seat, eyes immediately searching for Ruby. She had already beat him to it, and their gazes caught each other. Otis didn’t really know if he should’ve pulled away and lost their intense staring contest, but he was looking for something much more right there, some tell-tale harbinger.

And finally, the corners of her mouth quirked upwards. She turned back to her friends, and that was it. The balance in Otis’s universe had been restored by that one—not even half—smile.

His face broke into a grin, threatening to grow bigger and bigger as he twisted back and leaned into his seat. That had to have meant something. It did for him. For the first time in a while, Otis felt truly comfortable. He was so ecstatic and lulled by the hums of the night that he failed to notice when he snuggled into his seatmate’s shoulder and drifted off into contented slumber.

---

Otis awoke with a start once they arrived back at Moordale, everyone rushing to hit that familiar ground. He made a point to be one of the earlier ones, standing by the front after getting off, seeking out a certain face. When Maeve passed him, they sent each other small smiles. He hoped that they could at least be friends again after everything gets patched up.

Finally, Ruby came down the steps of the coach, Olivia and Anwar right behind her. Otis didn’t falter; he dashed through the line of students to get in her vision.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Go home, Milburn,” said Olivia curtly. “We have things to do.”

“It’s like, midnight.”

“Midnight is prime time for everything,” Anwar drawled. “She’s not interested in talking to you at the moment, haven’t you heard?”

Ruby shot a hard warning at him. “Lay off him a bit, will you?” A small pause. Otis’s heart went thump, thump, thump.

“We can talk,” she said now to Otis.

Anwar and Olivia exchanged some secret looks, but Ruby and Otis moved off to the side, where he could speak to her without the Untouchables’ input.

They stood there, facing each other, Otis’s hands tucked into his pockets. It must’ve been a minute or so of silence. Some people were looking, but Otis couldn’t bring himself to care all that much. Ruby was waiting for him.

“Are you going to say something, Otis?”

He let out a substantial exhale, swinging his arms back and forth. “Right! Right, yeah, I—uh—I just wanted to say that I . . .” He hesitated, wondering how he could ever put his feelings into words without hurting her. “I miss you. Terribly. I really do, Ruby.” Her eyes softened a little at that.

“And I know I really messed things up,” he continued, “but I don’t really know how to do this.” He gestured between them. “Any of it. I mean, the only person who I’ve had experience with it is kinda now my sister, but—”

“Otis.”

“Yeah, right, sorry, I’ve got to stop mentioning that.” Otis snapped his fingers. “But what I’m saying is I don’t want to hurt you. And I didn’t mean to hurt you. When Kyle went on about love, I thought about that night after the bowling date. And I don’t know if I’m 100% sure that I love you.” Her face fell.

His stomach dropped. “But I think I might. Because I don’t really know anything about it. I thought I loved someone else, but I don’t really think I do. The truth is, I know nothing. But I know I just want to be around you. Everything feels better that way. I know I love being around your house, and your dad, and even your rude friends—”

“Ruby!” Olivia shouted impatiently, picking at her nails. Ruby sent her a look that told her to wait. She rolled her eyes in response.

“—and I just want you to know that just because I can’t say it doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there. I want to know love, not just touch my toes in it.”

Ruby stayed silent, her eyes stuck to the ground. Otis was patient. There was really only one response that could crush his heart, and he absolutely feared it.

She finally looked up at him. “You really hurt me, you know.”

I know I did.

“It’s not something I want to do ever again,” he promised.

“And . . . and Maeve?”

“Maeve and I . . . we aren’t a thing. Maybe we could’ve last year, but things are different. I was still hung up on you, and she potentially has someone else. It just doesn’t feel right.”

“And what does feel right?”

“We do,” he said earnestly. “We do.”

And there, Otis could see the conflict on her face once again, and he wondered what that could’ve meant. But his thoughts were stopped short when Ruby’s arms circled around his neck, pulling him closer to her until their lips met. He brought his hands up onto her waist and leaned into the kiss, all emotions from the past week coming alive. The overwhelming one was joy, sending his heart palpitations that he just couldn’t seem to control, even after she pulled away.

“Don’t think this is it. We’re still going to be talking about this more. And you’ll”—she emphasized with a finger to his chest—“be making it up to me. I’ll see you Monday.” And she walked off with a flip of her hair, meeting up with Olivia and Anwar, but she couldn’t hide that small smile that escaped her lips before turning away.

“Are you sure not earlier than that?” he called cheekily.

“Shut up, arsehole,” said Anwar, not even sparing him a glance. Otis couldn’t help but to grin all the way home, that bubbly feeling in his chest never dissipating.