Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

1.
I Accept an Invitation to Chaos Town

“Mr. Stark!” Peter yanked off his earphones and stopped in his tracks when he saw Tony chilling on the couch. “I uh, was about to leave for school, is there like– anything you need?”

Tony then stood up from his seat on the couch, nearly tripping over his own foot in the process. “Yeah, uh, Parker,” he steadied himself and stood up straight. “Rogers, he arranged a ‘team bonding night’, for tonight, if you know what I mean,”

Peter nodded.

Aunt May walked in the room carrying a tray of bread and set them down on a table. She skipped over to them.

“Okay, guys,” She stood in front of the two boys quizzically. “What’s happening? What are you talking about?” Peter looked horrified. I mean, sure, she knows he’s Spider-Man, but getting embarrassed in front of the Avengers? Definitely something he won’t risk. 

“Oh god, no, Aunt May–” He felt like his brain was turning to mush. The spidey senses have already kicked in, and now he was speeding through all the horrible consequences that could happen if she decides to bust a dance move in front of Captain America or drink twenty shots of tequila while being cheered on by Thor– “It's just– Avengers stuff! Yeah, it’s a– meeting…thing.”

“He’s right, May. Super professional stuff,” Tony chimed in. Peter silently thanked the gods that his mentor came in to rescue him. He had more experience in these kinds of stuff, anyway. “Gonna be absolutely boring!” Tony shot a quick wink at Peter. He stifled a chuckle. 

* * *

Tony insisted that he drive Peter to school and he told him that he’s allowed to bring a few of his friends as long as they could be trusted. He leaned over to Peter’s side of the car and gave him a quick hug. Let’s just say that some students in front of the school accidentally dropped their books when they heard a very loud high-pitched scream coming from a car. The others’ jaws dropped when Tony came out of the vehicle and gave him another hug after patting him on the back. God, that internship must come with a lot of benefits. Midtown News is going to have a field day today.

* * *

“Ned,” Peter elbowed his friend in the middle of a rather boring lecture about the history of America. There was literally no point of Peter being in this lecture, he’s had his own fair share of firsthand experiences with literal war heroes. Two of them, actually.

“Yeah?” His friend replied, attempting to take down notes while keeping his ears wide open for comments.

“Okay, so Mr. Stark told me this morning that Mr. Rogers arranged a team bonding night,” Ned nodded. “Yeah and uh, he said I could bring some friends, so, yeah, y’know, wanna come??” Peter whispered as quietly as he could while his leg was bouncing up and down from the enthusiasm. That was a mistake.

“Hey Penis!” Flash stood up and yelled loud enough for the whole lecture theatre to hear clearly. Peter scrunched his eyebrows and looked at the boy five rows in front of him. Flash crumpled up a sheet of paper and threw it at Peter’s forehead, but he caught it in midair an inch away from his face. Using his super-strength, Peter furiously threw the ball of paper back at the bully, hitting him smack-dab in the crotch. Steve had once lectured him on not misusing his powers, but– eh, anyways–

“Ow, Penis! What the hell?!” Flash screamed in pain as the entire lecture hall completely went nuts. Ned was screaming, the teacher was speedrunning the 5 stages of grief, Flash was crumpling to the ground, the students started the loudest chant ever and Peter had a huge crap-eating grin on his face.

“PETER! PETER! PETER! PETER–”

* * *

“So, you got detention.”

Those words made Peter groan audibly. Oh my god. He just got sent to detention, again. ‘It wasn’t even my fault??’’ He thought. ‘Flash just– okay, maybe it was kind of my fault, but I was embarrassed??? In front of the entire class???’ Peter’s eyes flickered to the invigilator who got out of his seat heavily.

“I’m gonna go refill this bad boy,” he announced groggily and lifted up his coffee tumbler from his desk before turning towards Peter with a stern look. “Don’t mess around, Parker.” The boy nodded profusely.

Immediately after the teacher closed the door on his way out, Peter felt a tap on his shoulder from behind him.

“You’re seriously here?” It was MJ. He turned around, eyeing the sketch of him on her notebook. “Weren’t you stuck here yesterday too?”

“Yeah, for getting into a fistfight,” he commented, pointing to his left eye. “I got a really nasty bruise here.”

MJ sighed. “Wish I could’ve been there,” she replied and began sketching again. “God, sometimes your spider-healing ruins the fun for me.” Peter let out a snort. “Peter, shut up!”

“Anyways, um, MJ,” he composed himself and turned his chair 180º to face her. He looked around for a bit to make sure no one was listening to him. “An Avengers team building night is uh, happening today, I’ve gotten Ned to come, and–“

“Oh, yeah, sure!” She beamed and closed her sketchbook, looking at the clock. “Yeah yeah, I’m free.” The bell rang and the two students packed their things.

* * *

“When’s the last time you’ve been here?” Ned asked MJ as the group entered the lobby of the Avengers Tower. Peter walked up to the receptionist’s desk.

“Hi, I’m Peter Parker,” he slid over his ID card to the woman working there. “I’m in an internship with Mr. Stark and he told me to check in at this time.” 

“Last week.” MJ replied to Ned, looking around and admiring the design of the lobby.

“What?!” He turned his head towards her. “Really? That’s so cool!”

“Not much,” She pointed to a group of bean bags tucked away in the corner of the room. “I sit there a lot to sketch. Tony provides free Wi-Fi for kids who want to study.” Ned nodded in awe of the facilities available. 

The woman handed Peter his ID card back. “You can take the elevator upstairs.” She then leaned sideways a bit to see MJ and Ned. “Those are your friends?” 

Peter nodded. “Yeah, Mr. Stark said they could tag along.” She nodded suspiciously. 

“Okay then, if you say so.” Peter turned towards his friends and motioned them to follow him.

They got in the elevator and he tapped his ID card on the scanner next to the buttons.

Peter looked up and squeaked, “Friday?”

“Hello Peter.” The AI responded, shocking Ned out of his skin. For a moment there, Peter completely forgot that Ned hasn’t had any interactions with Tony’s AIs. MJ hasn’t either, but she’s already gotten used to the surprises the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist has in store. “Mr. Stark has instructed me to take you to the common room immediately.”

“Yep, thanks Friday!” The boy enthusiastically replied. It took a few seconds for the elevator to reach the floor at the top of the building and MJ could already hear some muffled dance music and chattering. It wasn’t until the door opened that Peter knew he completely underestimated the chaos potential of the Avengers.

“Oh my god.” The next thing he knew, the group was covered head to toe in silly string and confetti.

Chapter Text

2.

Am I Drunk or Do I Just Need to Sleep

If Peter had a never-ending flow of thought while riding up the elevator, it was certain that it all went out the window once he reached the top floor.

Ned had unknowingly set off a tripwire connected to a ceiling trapdoor. They started screaming as confetti violently rained down on them and a few of Dum-E’s cousins blasted the group with silly string. 

The trio were then greeted by an extremely enthusiastic Tony skipping towards them wearing a pink sparkly party hat and holding a party popper. MJ noticed that Tony’s shoulders were covered with glitter. Personal note: Tony’s new codename is “Flamboyant Fabulous King”. 

“Peter, you made it!” he exclaimed. 

“Hey, Mr. Stark,” Peter awkwardly waved before moving a bit to let MJ and Ned be seen by him. “I uh, brought my friends, if that’s okay with you.”

“Mr. Stark, uh, hi, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” Ned nervously shook his hand. ‘ Okay, wow, this man is a legend. Ned, calm down.’ “It’s great to be here! I’m going to– go, right now, so uh–” he laughed nervously before slinking away from the group, making a beeline towards the food bar.

“And uh,” Peter found himself fidgeting with the edge of his sweater. “This is MJ, she’s my–”

“Girlfriend?” Tony guessed. 

‘ Okay, Mr. Stark, way to expose me, but–’ 

He looked like a ghost just flew out of him and ascended into the light.

MJ stepped forward to shake his hand, smiling. “In fact, yeah.” Tony nodded. “I don’t know if you know me, but I’ve been using your free Wi-Fi area for about a month now.”

“Oh, that’s great!” the man grinned. “Anyways, I’ve always suspected that Peter had a special someone. He’s been too suspicious every time I brought up the topic.” MJ snorted. “Why don’t we have a little chat later, catch up on things? I’m interested in what you think about him.” 

The spider-kid couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed at the way his mentor was acting. ‘ In front of my GIRLFRIEND, MR. STARK. GODDAMMIT, MR. STARK. PLEASE DISOWN ME, MR. STARK.’

Dance EDM music was playing on the speakers, filling the room with a rhythmic thump thump thump thump . Earlier, Tony finally broke and agreed to turn it down after Steve went on a ten-minute rant about the dangers of loud music to people’s ears. Clint, ironically, also yelled at him to lower the volume. He also told Thor to dial it back on the flashing lights, because, “Dude, seriously, if you make my eyes hurt and head throb again, I swear, I’ll literally break your kneecaps and make you eat them.”

Other than that, the place was pretty loud. Some Avengers were getting along really well with the Guardians, except for the fact that Peter saw Rocket try to steal and take apart Bucky’s arm…and get chased around the place……before tripping over a chair……………but other than that–

“Kid, come on, lemme show you a little somethin’ I’ve been working on.” Tony startled Peter by grabbing him by the hand and walking him towards the kitchen area.

“Mr. Stark, I–” Peter squinted. “…what is this?” he asked. Tony turned around and gestured towards the counter.

There was a huge, and I mean HUGE bowl of flour. Lots of ingredients were piled up in there, and it really looked like Tony was eyeballing and/or guessing everything. There were eggs, milk, water, food colouring and a whole bunch of other stuff the high-schooler couldn’t even recognize if he tried. Empty eggshells were scattered on the surface of the counter, plastic bags littered the space near the sink and– are those– cough drops??

“Yeah, it’s Pepper’s birthday today,” Tony started, slipping past Peter to grab the heavy cookbook adorned messily with lots of colourful bookmarks. He opened it up and started leafing through the pages. “Unfortunately, she said it was okay for us to cancel our dinner tonight and I…did not have time to buy a cake.” 

Peter stared at the mess with a hint of pity. “Improvise, adapt, overcome……?”

“Tony, I found a sacrifice!!” The boy turned quickly to see Bruce steering Bucky by the shoulders towards them. “I asked Barnes if he could help us out, cause like,”

“He bakes really well,” Peter guessed.

“Exactly,” the scientist pointed a finger at him. “And,” he gestured at Bucky, “he agreed!” 

Bucky rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “I’m just gonna help you guys with the measurements and stuff, you’re gonna have to figure out everything else yourselves.” He looked at the messy bowl and counter. “But firstly, we’re gonna have to clean all this up.”

“Great!” Tony beamed, handing over the heavy cookbook to him. Bucky placed down the book on a stool, grabbed a trash can and began cleaning up the workspace. Tony turned towards Peter again. “Pete, why don’t you catch up with the others? Like, chatting and stuff, y’know?”

The boy nodded before skipping off towards a cluster of sofas. “Alright dad, see you in a bit!” 

If Tony was proud of his dad status (and was also a bit embarrassed by it), he definitely made it obvious. 

Bruce and Bucky, on the other hand, were already coming up with “Spider-Baby” conspiracy theories.

* * *

Peter started walking around and tried to socialize. He first visited the group of couches in the middle of the room, where he met the two super spies. Well, one visible super spy.

“Clint, I swear to god, get the hell down!” Natasha yelled.

“Haha, NO!” Clint’s voice echoed from the vents. “Nat, for the last time, I’m not going until I get her out of this–”

“Mr. Barton?” Peter asked loudly. “What’s happening?”

“I–uh,” the clanging stopped and all he could hear was nervous shuffling. “Alpine– I might have made a tiny mistake–”

“He sat on her, she jumped into the vents.” Nat sighed, trying to glare a hole through the metal tube above them. “Oh, and if it wasn’t obvious enough, he tried to get her and got stuck as well. So,” another sigh.

“Okay, thAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED???” Clint screamed and they could hear more banging and clanging. Nat bit her lip as they tracked his movements to an intersection in the vents. Clint was heading towards a big drop towards a large tube where there was an emergency escape. It acted like a slide and Tony built it when he accidentally trapped himself in a dead end.

Peter was about to ask Nat if they should let him know of the imminent “danger”, but the large grin on her face made him rethink his choices.

“Clint, you’re almost there! I hear Alpine!” She yelled. “Just– dive straight ahead!”

Peter felt Nat pushing him gently as she whispered into his ear. “C’mon we gotta go, right now.”

“I think I see Alpine!” Clint said loudly. “Okay– wait, hold on a secONDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–”

An extremely loud series of crashes echoed throughout the room. Everyone stopped what they were doing to relish in the sound of the archer’s screaming.

* * *

After that terrible heart pounding (and, to be honest, very amusing) incident, Peter decided he would suck it up and try to socialize with the others. There were way too many people to meet, so he’d try to catch up with at least… .five? Or– maybe just three. Ah, screw it. Five.

Well, it was draining. The atmosphere, combined with the music, the chattering, and– yeah, 

Uh,

“Two hundred twelve bottles of beer on the wall,” Peter repeatedly bonked his head against a throw pillow. “Two hundred twelve bottles of beer!”

“Take one down, pass it around…” Shuri groaned, upside down on the couch. “Two hundred eleven– eleven? ELEVEN bottles of beer on the wall! Take it back now y’all!”

“Two hUNDRED ELEVEN BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, TWO HUNDRED ELEVEN BOTTLES OF B–”

“Oh my god, guys!” MJ yelled, standing in front of them. “What the hell happened?!” She took a sip of her drink. “How long have you been doing th–”

“…sixteen minutes…?” Shuri groggily grabbed Peter’s hand and looked at his watch for a considerable amount of time. “Sorry, uh… seventeen minutes.” 

If anyone took a guess, MJ looked like she was questioning her life choices.

“Hey, is that whiskey?” Peter, upon noticing the yellowish-brown colour of her drink, sat up straight and pointed at it.

His girlfriend scoffed, taking another sip. “No, it’s apple juice, thank you very much.” She sighed. “Anyway, where’s Ned? I swore I saw him nearby earlier–”

BOOM!!!

The sound of an explosion quickly made Peter’s heart drop. Before he could process what was happening, dust flew everywhere and smoke enveloped most of the room. He coughed vigorously and waved his arms around, trying to make sense of the current situation.

WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED? OH MY GOD. MJ? SOMETHING EXPLODED?! MR STARK??? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL–

His ears caught a faint ‘beep beep’ not so far away from him. His mentor’s familiar loud cocky voice could be heard shortly after.

“Don’t worry, guys!” He called out. “Just a small mishap! We totally have everything under control!”

“Uh– we?!” Another person yelled. It was Bruce. The dust had settled a bit and Peter could see Steve, holding a broom, entering his view. Steve began sweeping the floor calmly while the Science BrosTM started to argue. “Okay– Tony, there’s no way this is a we situation!”

The genius billionaire playboy philanthropist was about to add a snarky comment but a loud chime caught everyone off-guard.

“Hey guys,” Pepper stepped out of the elevator, checking her watch while holding some files. “I was wondering if– what the…I– huh, okay.” 

Stopping, the redhead surveyed the room with a long gaze before facing her husband.

“I can explain.” Tony raised both his arms before pointing a finger at his Science Bro. “It was his idea.”

“W-what?!” the doctor spluttered and choked on his own saliva. “First of all, Tony asked me to help him! And that was a huge mistake!”

“Ned, did you have any part in this?” Pepper raised her eyebrows at the boy standing near them with ash on his face.

“Well, yeah, a bit,” Ned let out a sharp exhale. “I proposed a hypothesis for them to…bake the cake faster.”

“…and what exactly is this hypothesis?”

“Okay, so, y’know how you’re supposed to bake it at 350º for like– twenty-five minutes, right?”

Pepper nodded, suspicious.

“So then I was like, ‘oh hey, Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner, what if you bake it for like– uh, let’s say, 1750º for five minutes–’ ”

“Hold up, you WHAT?!” she exclaimed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Wait!” Tony interrupted. Ned jumped. “We can speed it up, bake it at 8750º for one minute.”

Pepper was having an internal breakdown. “Okay, that’s not how it works–”

“Is that possible?” Peter walked over to them.

“Only if we find a way to harness the power of the sun,” Tony patted Peter on the shoulder. “I’m pretty sure both of you could do it. Think of it as a…small summer project, would ya?”

“Tony nO!” Pepper looked absolutely scandalized.

“Guys.” MJ’s tone was stern. She caught the attention of everyone present in the room. Everyone who wasn’t busy cleaning the debris, anyway.

“MJ, what–”

“What if–” she opened her phone and tapped its screen a few times– “If Ned and Peter actually make a super oven, can they bake it at 525,000º for one second?”

Somewhere to the side, Bucky grumbled to Steve to “Goddammit, Stevie. Just give me the broom, I can’t take this Stark crap anymore.”

* * *

After conveniently leaving Steve and Bucky behind to clean up the leftover mess from the explosion, Tony decided to seize the moment and sit down to have a talk with MJ, using a not-so-harsh classic interrogation style. He chose a fairly decent location to focus on the conversation: a secluded, private room, close to the main party but not close enough to be overheard. He closed the door behind him and the two of them sat down on the floor, facing each other. Tony switched on the light.

“So,” he started. “How long have you been seeing Peter?”

MJ opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out as she kept awkwardly shuffling from side to side.

“Uh……wait, can you give me a sec?” It’s really cramped in here–” she tried to stand up but accidentally backed up into a shelf. A few cereal boxes came crashing down on both of them.

They spent around a full minute grunting and trying to navigate the tiny and totally not ideal space WHICH TONY PICKED OUT–

“Sorry for the uh,” the bad location picker muttered. “Whole… ’interrogation in the pantry’ …thing.”

“Well, it’s not that bad,” MJ readjusted her sitting position so there would be enough space for them to sit as comfortably as possible. It still didn’t work. They were still uncomfortable. “Cause like, privacy and stuff.”

This was awkward.

Tony, trying to save the conversation, hastily added, “The other, uh…interrogation rooms are being used–” 

Yeah, this wasn’t going as smoothly as he thought it would. “…criminals…and other things.”

“…cool,” MJ nodded slowly. “…also, we’ve been dating since, like, the whole Mysterio thing, with the projectors– and explosions…”

“The BARF guy?” he replied. “Oh my god, I nearly forgot about him.”

“ Woah, okay,”

“So you’re like– together together?”

“Yep.”

“…wow, I–”

MJ knit her eyebrows. “Wait, but like, you’re okay with this, right?”

“Yeah, of course. No prob.” he waved his hand.

A beat of silence.

“…okay, but– are you guys doing the uh…the thing–”

“Woah woAH WOAH WHAT– NO!” MJ yelled. “We’re not–”

Tony blinked rather comically.

“I mean, we’re not… there yet, y’know? It’s not that important right now.

“Oh, okay, cool cool, I was just wondering if–”

“Wait, wait–”

“–you guys are like, having s–”

A nervous chuckle escaped MJ’s lips. “Stark, I’ve told you, we’re not– really– at that point. There’s no need to worry. We plan to take it slower, y’know?”

“Oh.” was all Tony could respond with.

MJ stood up and slowly opened the door with an under-the-breath mumble, “yeah, but Peter isn’t that innocent sometimes,” , and shut the door behind her.

‘Well’, Tony thought to himself, sitting alone in the dark. ‘That wasn’t so bad.’

* * *

“Pepper, any ideas?” Sam asked, stroking Alpine’s fur.

She sighed. “Sorry, I got nothing so far.”

Shang-Chi groaned. “So, movie night’s out of the way,”

“After what happened last time .” Bucky added, scowling at Tony.

“Not doing classic party games,” he continued,

“What– why?” The former assassin yawned and shifted his attention to him.

Sam shot a look at him. “What do you mean, ‘why?’” he scoffed. “Have you ever tried finding a party game that everyone wants to play? We’re adults, man.”

“I’m not.” Peter Parker piped up.

“Shut up .” Sam retorted.

“There’s this one party game I’ve played with my friends before, though.” Peter, the kid, added.

Bucky, without missing a beat, shot back with, “What, hopscotch?”

Sam snorted loudly, causing Alpine to jump.

“Come on, Sam. Leave the kid alone.” Tony sighed. He turned to Peter. “What is it?”

“Okay, Mr. Stark, don’t get mad, but it’s like, uh…Truth or Dare, but you can only do dares.” He paused, waiting for a response.

“Sounds boring.” Katy said through a mouthful of chips.

“Nothing’s boring in this household.” Natasha defended.

Clint, being completely done with everyone's ideas (or lack thereof, he thought), yawned. “Can we just sleep or somethin’?”

At this point, I have to admit, the situation left everyone stuck. Peter didn't want to leave everyone on a cliffhanger ( or lack thereof? ), so he decided to push on.

“And if you don’t want to do the dare, you have to take a shot.”

Silence. Again. 

Well, except for Katy making the chip bag rustle every few moments. Sour cream and onion is like, the best flavour ever , according to her.

“ ……okay , that might not be too bad.” Bucky said.

The sleep deprived archer, aka Clint, however, had a different approach to the situation.

“ALCOHOL?!” He jumped at the chance to get some real entertainment. A small wave of laughter could be heard.

“Also, the shots you have to take scales with the crazy-ness of the dare.”

“Oh, this is not family-friendly.” Steve shook his head.

Nat took a sip of her drink. “Again, nothing is family-friendly in this household.” 

“She’s not wrong.” Katy replied. “Peter, are there like any specific rules or things we need to know?”

Peter could already feel everyone getting a little more interested in what he had to say. He smiled and answered with: “Not exactly? We all have to write a dare on some paper and put them in a bowl or a hat, or whatever.”

“Okay, let’s do a vote.” Sam stood up. “Whoever wants to play, raise your hand.” Out of 20 people (the Guardians bailed as soon as the oven exploded), the alcohol-loaded game got a 100% approval rate, which was weird, since some of the Avengers didn’t agree with how out-of-hand this could get.

“What?” T’Challa asked. “I’ve never played this before, it might be fun.”

“Alright then,” Tony chimed in. “Let’s get to work. Shuri, could you run down to my lab and get the shiny top hat? It’s most likely with Dum-E.”

Clint found an excuse to commute through the vents. “I’ll go get the paper.”

“And I’ll grab the alcohol!” Peter, already jittery with caffeine laced in his system, dashed out the door and ran to the wine cellar, nearly falling down the stairs in the process.