Archive of Our Own ^beta

Happy birthday, Junseo! This is the same cake that we’re eating at the dorm in your honor tonight, so just know that we’re with you in spirit! Rest up well and feel better, home isn’t the same without you!

Love, your brothers in WEi

P.S. This was Donghan’s idea, for the record.

P.P.S. If you were trying to go on a diet, ditch it for tonight. Enjoy your birthday. Don’t you dare argue with me.

Junseo smiled to himself as he read the card over again, feeling an odd sort of ache in his chest as he tucked it into the drawer beside his bed. It seemed stupid when he’d been with his members 24/7 for so many months— being apart while Junseo quarantined with his family probably should have felt like a break, but the terrible timing meant that he’d be alone on his birthday, which was just depressing.

No friends. No boyfriend. Yeah, that was the hard part.

They’d sent a cake, though, a good cake with rich chocolate buttercream, not one of the fondant-covered monstrosities that he was used to cutting into on camera. He’d enjoyed it with his family, and his mother had been touched more than anyone, remarking several times: “What nice boys. I’m glad you have people like this taking care of you while you’re away. That puts my mind at ease.”

It’s more than you know, he’d wished he could have told her, though he hadn’t yet found the courage to. One of them is the reason why I’ve held on this long.

It was no exaggeration. Junseo and Donghan had been an official couple for almost as long as WEi had been a K-pop group, and that meant that Donghan had held his hand through some of the hardest times in his life, had been strong for him when Junseo had no strength left to give. He was Junseo’s protector, his number-one fan, and more than anything else, Donghan was his very best friend.

So no, Junseo wasn’t particularly sick (just an annoying postnasal drip and a tickle in his throat that wouldn’t go away). Yes, he was being a little mopier than was necessary, considering he was getting the benefit of some time with his parents, and he could always just jump online and play games with his groupmates if he got too bored. It wasn’t that: it was the fact that he couldn’t lay his head on Donghan’s thigh and let him play with his hair until he fell asleep. It was missing his lover’s uncharacteristically quiet morning voice, and the image of him laying warm and cozy among the blankets when he woke up on a lazy day off. And of course, kisses, those wonderful kisses that felt like they'd just go on and on forever. Nothing in the world could touch that euphoria, except maybe, maybe, standing onstage.

Even if Junseo got the luxury of sleeping in his plush queen-sized bed back in his old room, he would have rather been crammed together with Donghan in a single, blankets discarded, using each other for warmth. Anything is better together. He sighed, laying back in his cold satin sheets with a little shudder. Maybe it would be worth dragging himself out to the kitchen for a hot water bottle? His mother would bring him one if he called to her, no questions asked, but he really wasn’t that sick—

He was just sitting up when a tap on the window made him freeze, heart leaping into his throat. His parents lived on the fifth floor of a condominium building, in the middle of Ulsan. No trees outside of his bedroom, no— nothing but a fire escape, and the thought gave him a flash of panic that nauseated him for a split second. A burglar. Or a stalker. Oh my god, did a sasaeng seriously follow me home for my quarantine? He was suddenly, immediately thankful that he’d left the curtails closed when he woke up that morning. Without another thought, he fumbled for his phone with shaky hands, ready to call the police.

The tapping sound repeated. And then— Junseo's phone lit up in his hand. Incoming call: Donghan-hyung.

"Oh my god, you've gotta be kidding me." Junseo scoffed to himself as the pieces all fell together in his mind. If this seriously was him—

"Hyung?"

"Okay, I really hope this is your window. These curtains look like they belong to a grandmother." Donghan's voice laughed over the phone, slightly obscured by the rush of the wind. Outside, no doubt.

"Hyung— what the fuck!" Junseo hissed, being sure to keep his voice low enough not to be heard by his parents as he swore. "You can't just climb up my fire escape! That's so sketchy! If anyone sees you—" He was already rushing over to throw the curtains open. The window had a cushioned bench seat in front of it, once Junseo's favorite place to sit with a book and relax; now it was a convenient perch for Junseo to kneel on, peering out at his grinning boyfriend who sat on the other side. It was dark outside, but not quite enough to swallow him up completely.

"Your parents wouldn't call the police on me or anything, would they? You said they like me."

"How did you even get here?!"

"Wasn't that hard. It’s only like two and a half hours by train. I bribed Daehyeon and Yongha into coming with me by buying them dinner, because I had a feeling I’d need help getting myself up here." He snorted. “Seokhwa’s doing his musical tonight, but he told me to tell you that he hopes you’re feeling better. And also that he hopes your taste in men gets better someday.”

“What—” Junseo was cut off by a burst of laughter, which was only prolonged when he snorted into the phone and set Donghan off. This was what his birthday had been missing, Junseo thought, leaning against the cold window pane, comfortable with the knowledge that his boyfriend was just a few centimeters away.

“Tell him I already have the best man there is. I can’t imagine wanting anyone else.” Junseo closed his eyes, listening to Donghan’s breathing returning to normal over the phone. Even Donghan’s breathing was nice, and Junseo wouldn’t have minded sitting like that in silence for awhile, basking in the sense of not being alone.

“Did you have a nice birthday, love?”

“It was fine. We couldn’t really do anything, so… it was low-key. The cake was delicious!" Junseo quickly stood to turn off his bedroom light, eliminating the glare in the window so he could see Donghan more clearly. He smiled, placing his palm against the glass, and Junseo followed suit, trying to imagine the warmth of Donghan’s skin. “I miss you. I really wish you could come inside for a minute… I want a kiss for my birthday.”

Donghan chuckled quietly. “Open the window and kiss me, then. I’m not scared of getting sick.”

“Hyung, no!”

“What if you kissed me through a mask? Is that a thing?”

“No! Holy hell…” Junseo sighed. Pleased as he was to see Donghan in the flesh again, he was tired, and he was laughing so hard that it was veering dangerously close to coughing. “You can wait for kisses. You can’t be hanging out on my fire escape all night— what if someone from the paparazzi sees you up here and gets curious? What if there’s an actual fire?”

“Thought of that! I’m wearing all-black clothes and a hat that belongs to our manager. No one will recognize me. And… there’s not going to be a fire. How often does this building catch on fire?” Donghan’s grin was hopeful and triumphant, and almost made Junseo feel bad for trying to send him away. God, it was tempting to crack open the window for a quick kiss, or even a half-second of their fingers linked, but he knew he had to be firm.

“Yeah, but you have Daehyeon-hyung and Yongha-hyung downstairs, looking like a Muppet and a Twilight extra,” Junseo argued. He waned to nudge Donghan with his elbow, but through the window, he couldn’t achieve the same effect— he settled for tapping on the glass instead, in a way that he hoped was vaguely antagonistic. “You’re impossible… I love you, but you’re impossible.”

“You’re adorable. How do you still look like a supermodel when you’re sick with COVID?”

Junseo let his forehead fall forward against the glass with a slightly audible thunk. “You’re just biased,” he accused softly, smiling.

“No shit. You’ve been my bias since predebut,” Donghan teased quietly before they fell into a cozy, sweet quiet— nothing but soft breaths and unspoken promises. Even if they couldn’t touch… he’d come all the way there, just to see him in the flesh. And that was enough, that was enough.

Until the moment was broken— the sound of a distant shout over the phone, and then Donghan pulled away from the glass, glancing down over the railing. “Fuck… it’s Yongha. Dumbass, he’s going to get every eye in the neighborhood on us!”

“You probably got every eye in this building on you when you clambered up the fire escape like that,” Junseo pointed out dryly, pressing his lips together tightly to try and keep from smiling too much. “Hey… don’t keep them waiting too much longer down there, okay? I’m doing just fine here.”

Donghan’s face was hard to read in the fading light, he was so good at hiding his negative emotions— but the heavy swallow and the extra second of hesitation tipped Junseo off after all this time. “You promise?”

“Of course. I can be strong, too, you know.” Still, Junseo kept his forehead against the glass. Maybe he had a slight fever, because the cool against his skin felt good. Reassuring, somehow.

“As long as you’re sure.” Donghan smiled faintly, and then, almost predictably, he puckered up his lips against the glass, making an endearing little heart shape that made Junseo laugh.

“That’s so gross! Do you know how dirty the outside of that window probably is?”

Donghan didn’t reply, just made an exaggerated smooching sound against the glass. Junseo rolled his eyes. Yeah, Donghan definitely knew, but this was on-brand for him, so why was Junseo even acting surprised? Delicately, Junseo pressed his lips against the glass as well.

There was less than a centimeter of glass separating them. That counted as a kiss, no doubt about it. Junseo pulled back with a blush starting in his cheeks; it took him back to the first time they’d pulled apart like this and looked into each other’s eyes, the way Donghan had blushed himself as he pushed Junseo’s bangs so gently out of his eyes and whispered—

“We’re a good pair, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. Of course we are, hyung.” Junseo’s voice was tight with emotion, but Donghan was graceful enough to keep himself from mentioning it. “But— hurry, before Daehyeon-hyung gets fed up and makes you take a cab home, okay?”

“Would be worth it. Really, the biggest shame is that you’re not going to get to watch me ninja my way back down this thing and make Yongha catch me at the bottom.” One more joke for the road, just because he was Kim Donghan and he couldn’t seem to go thirty seconds without saying something dumb. But he recovered remarkably fast, delivering the exact dose of healing words that Junseo needed from him: “I love you so much. Get some rest tonight, and I’ll call you in the morning.”

Junseo stayed there for a minute longer as Donghan left: not just to watch in paranoia to make sure he didn’t fall, but in awe, too. He knew that he was young to be experiencing these feelings, it was the main reason why he hadn’t yet told his family, but here he was— in the first relationship that had ever made him feel safe and secure and loved, falling head over heels at the tender age of nineteen years old. Everyone would probably think they were crazy, but they'd last, Junseo knew it.

His forehead was still cold as he pulled back from the window, but it came back to temperature quickly: not feverishly warm, but a bit uncomfortable nonetheless. He felt woozy, but giddy at the same time, and he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. It was the memory of his mother’s words that made up his mind for him, a snippet of her face as she ran her fingers through his hair and consoled him through the worst childhood flu he could remember. “Close your eyes, Junseo, it’s okay… the faster you get to sleep, the faster tomorrow will come, and you’ll be one step closer to feeling better!”

Junseo smiled, abandoning the idea of a hot water bottle for an extra blanket instead, and throwing himself back into his bed. Yes, the faster he went to sleep, the faster he would wake up. This time, he’d at least have something when the sun rose to look forward to.