Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

it’s been five months, four days, and twelve hours since they all agreed on being in a relationship. Ike loves the way how eager Mysta secretly gets whenever Ike lets him cuddle the latter. Ike loves how gentle Vox is, he’ll always treat the both of them to dinner.

but lately it feels like Ike had been… disrupting them? maybe it might just be Ike's paranoia but going to bed and cuddling doesn’t feel the same. Vox and Mysta are always cuddled up next to each other like some middle aged couple but Ike is always the one facing away without even a blanket.

but that isn’t all. most definitely isn’t. he’ll come home from doing his usual job, taking care of ancient scripts and writings. there’s always such a tense and awkward feeling.

just getting to talk to either both of his boyfriends normally is a blessing from riku tazumi himself.

Ike lets out a hurt sigh when realizing that maybe if Ike really does love Vox and Mysta he'll have to straighten up and push through. that’s the answer to the problem after all, right?

after work he couldn’t help himself to a drink at a friend's place. Ike walks in and adjusts his glasses, not saying anything to the white haired bartender.

“the usual?” Nina asks, Ike gives a simple nod.

She goes to get his drink ready, and Ike spends the rest of the night there drinking away before it’s time to close. He pays Nina with whatever was in his wallet and wobbly walk out, heading home knowing the hangover would hurt too bad in the morning to worry about at night.

when he comes home, take off his shoes and a white jacket. it didn’t even seem like Mysta or Vox was worried about where he was. they both hadn’t called or even looked. He sighs and fall asleep on the living room couch while holding onto a pillow and smiling at it warmly.

“mm..h good night to you both.” he slurs, clearly pretending that was one of his 'boyfriends' for his own comfort.

The morning sun shining through the curtains makes him sigh. Ike had only slept for a bit and woke up around 6am.

He rubs his head and sigh before grabbing some clothes from the dryer in the washing room and go take a shower. neither Mysta or Vox had said anything to him at all that morning which made his heart ache. it wouldn’t be good to cry, maybe they could hear him even with the hot water pouring into the floor. maybe they would hear his patheticness. or maybe, they wouldn’t even care.

He tears up a bit, sniffle with the burning feeling in his nose as a tear threatens to spill from his eye. but when he hear footsteps near the bathroom door he quickly collects himself.

“ah.. Ike are you in there?” a calm voice asks, the voice belongs to Mysta.

“mhm.. just showering. I’ll be out in a second!”

“alright dear, breakfast is ready. me and Vox have to head off to some meeting with Riku Tazumi be back soon.” Mysta quickly leaves without saying another thing. which leaves Ike on his own to cry, to scream, to be reckless. all by himself.

He was so jealous. they get to spend time with each other everyday. they don’t even think about Ike. they turn a blind eye to his emotions. what’s so romantic about that? why can’t he say anything?

it’s been a couple of more days. Ike spends his nights at Nina's place and days overworking himself. He clenched his fits as he finally finished his meeting with a client, his face aching from stress.

Ike don’t even know if Vox and Mysta care.

hands burning. vision blurry. head pounding. before he know it, Ike woke up to the feeling of gentle hands and a familiar scent. this is.. it isn’t Mysta is it? when he tries to get up, he is forced back down by the weight on his shoulders.

“shh, take it easy my love. just rest yourself in my arms for a bit longer.” a gentle finger caresses your cheek.

“Mysta…” he manage to mutter out, something in him hurts and it’s not just his heart. it feels like it burns.

“that client was really rough with you, im sorry i wasn’t there earlier. you’re safe now. if you want we can take you to the hospital and get you checked.”

"don’t want that.. please just hold me. you’re enough.”

“alright. Vox is out but he will be here soon.” Mysta lays a gentle kiss on his forehead. Ike starts to realize where he is.. which is the bedroom of his home. tucked in and snuggled up to Mysta. his touch makes it feel like all of Ike's worries go away.

Right now Ike isn't thinking about not getting to spend time with him or Vox. He's just thinking about savoring this moment.

Suddenly the bedroom door opens.

"God, I wasn’t late am I? is our sweetheart okay?” the black haired man, with a thick deep voice asks as he walks over and cuddles Ike as well.

“ill be okay, thank you both.” He responded as he burry his face into the crook of Vox's neck and still let Mysta hold him close.

The three of them all stayed there for what felt like hours.. but somethings off. suddenly Ike snapped back to reality and realize that was just a figure of his imagination. Ike had almost died from overexhaustion and he's actually laying on the grounds of the library as the night approaches.

“it wasn’t real..?” Ike mutters as tears form on his eyes. everything hurts. arms, legs, hands, heart. his head hurts the most. he wished that he could’ve stayed in the world of his hallucination. he wished it was real.

why does this have to happen to *him*

before he knew it he's niffling, more and more until he's crying. He can’t do anything with his emotions because it’s not like either of his 'boyfriends' give a damn.

Chapter Text

For as long as Ike can remember, he’s been told how kind he is. His parents said it, his teachers, other adults, his friends. His mom had sat him down on her lap when he was 7 and told him that he gave so much love to the world. People like that , she’d said, are rare and precious, my baby, my Ikey. Always give love, because you never know who needs it .

I need it , Ike thinks. He’s always listened to his mom, he’s always done his absolute best to give love to everyone around him. But the thing with not many people being like him? He doesn’t get love in return for all that he gives. His friends back in Sweden didn’t, so he moved to Japan. And while his friends here kept him going for longer, it’s started to fall into old patterns.

Fake a smile. Laugh at Luca's jokes because he loves them and no one else will. Back hug Mysta so the others can laugh when he gets rejected. Try to talk to Shu but end up just rambling since he’s ignoring the conversation. Stand next to Vox so everyone can make fun of his height. Ask his lovers tons of questions so he can talk about things you don’t understand and then everyone thinks you’re just a little kid learning. It’s exhausting.

Because Ike gives them love. He does. He hugs them, cheers them up, encourages them, cheers them on. Texts them goodnight or when he sees something that reminds him of them. But what does he get in return? He’s the butt of every short joke. His boyfriends and his friends tease him, but in an incredibly disappointing way. He’s even demoted to the tasks no one wants to do, and he’s too nice to say no. 

Because he doesn’t say no. It feels like it goes against everything he’s been told, everything he tells himself. Give love, say yes, be kind. It’s who he is. He doesn’t want to disrupt everything that works so well for everyone with his inability to take a joke. His weakness shouldn’t make the whole group dynamic suffer. He’s probably too needy and clingy anyway. (Maybe thats why his boyfriends don't like him anymore.)

What’s worse, is he starts believing them. They tease him for being bad at video gamee? It’s not like they’re helping him get better. His fashion sense is practically nonexistent since he only wears a jacket and sweaters? Great. He doesn’t have style, and the tight pants, boots, and blouses at the back of his closet will remain untouched. He’s too short? Can’t find him anywhere? Well maybe they don’t need to find him. He’s shamed for his voice? Well maybe they’re actually shameful. Who is he to ask for praise when he clearly isn’t worthy? 

He holds back. He holds back so much too. He gives all his love, and holds back all his other emotions. Holds back snarky retorts about their eyesight when they pretend to not be able to see him. Holds back the sad reasons why he likes being praised, especially when he’s revealing his body to someone. Holds back insecurity when he’s told he has no fashion sense, told he’s the worst looking. Holds back tears when they all gang up on him. 

Is he that unloveable..?

And it’s easy to gang up on him. He’s starting to feel like the third wheel, after all. He’s the "single pringle", the lone wolf pretending to be part of the pack. Shu and Luca, Mysta and Vox. And Ike. Is he really there? What use is a third wheel?

His mom said to give love, because you never know who needs it. But what if he’s the one who needs love? What if he runs out?

He pulls out his phone to text his dad. His mom has been recently diagnosed with breast cancer, so he and his dad have been in contact on her health status. Aside from his regular job, Ike has taken up some work at a local coffee shop, crunching numbers behind the scenes like a human calculator so they can save more money for his mom’s hospital bills. It’s mindless, just busywork that doesn’t involve human interaction to drain his already low supply of energy to give. 

Work work work. Work work work. Rinse and repeat. The day pass by, but luckily Ike has his favorite class, vocal lessons. It’s a one-on-one class. He was teased for wanting to get better at his vocals so he picked that one. His teacher is great, she and Ike have a good relationship, and she pushes him a lot.

He sits at the desk with all the papers, listens to music, hums in his head, and mindlessly crunches numbers for a few hours until he’s ready to head back to his apartment.

Just his luck, when he gets there, the entire group was there. Mysta, Vox, Shu, Luca, Nina, Reimu, Elira and the rest. “Hey, Ike! How was class today?” Elira asks, smiling widely at him.

“Good. Got good progress in,” Ike says. “You?” Elira launches into a detailed story about a funny thing that happened in her intern class today, and Nina looks at her fondly.

Ike sighs inward. He decides to just take a shower and not join the others. He wasn't in the mood. He listened through the walls of his own room, hearing everyone laugh and he shrinks into himself even more.

Maybe that’s his breaking point. Maybe it’s his lovers not returning to the apartment that night one too many times, especially when Ike knows what the two are doing over at who knows where. Maybe it’s his dad calling to tell him that his mom is back in the hospital. She’d been doing better and got to go back home, but not anymore. 

But Ike can’t deal with it anymore. He’s drained, he’s tired. He feels so empty. It feels like all the love he had is gone, out in the world for others to use. His friends won’t have use for him now that he has nothing to give them. So maybe he can just slip away and try to recharge so one day, he can find someone that will return his love to the same extent.

So Ike packs up all his things, doesn't even leave a note, and catches the midnight flight down to Sweden.

He texts his dad on the plane. His dad will pick him up from the airport and take him home for the night before they visit the hospital in the morning. 

Once that’s set, Ike powers off his phone and lets it fall to the bottom of his bag. He won’t need it. At least for a while. It’s summer now, he doesn’t have any work to run to, no obligations. Just has time to rest and recharge. 

His dad hugs him tightly when Ike arrives, around 5 am in the morning. His dad is obviously exhausted, so Ike drives them home while his dad sleeps in the passenger seat. Ike watches the lights of the city fly past as they head to his childhood home. 

Ike crashes as soon as he falls onto his bed.

The next morning, he spends some time unpacking before he and his dad head out. They stop for coffee and a quick breakfast, and check into the hospital. They wait for a minute before a nurse comes and leads them to his mom’s room. 

There’s a little piece of paper taped to the door reading her name. Ike's dad squeezes his hand before they knock softly. 

“Sweetie? Guess who came for a visit?” his dad says, pushing the door open. 

“Who?”

“Mom, hi.”

“Oh-! My Ikey!” Ike's eyes well up and he hurries forward to hug her tightly. She opens her arms and embraces her son tightly. “I’m so happy to see you!”

“Me too, Mom. I missed you.” Ike hears his dad slip out of the room, and sits back to look at his mom. She looks pale, gaunt. But her eyes are still full of life. It gives Ike hope. 

“When did you arrive?”

“Around 5 this morning,” Ike admits. “Took the midnight plane.”

“Ike! Didn’t you get any sleep?”

“I had to get away.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Nothing. And everything.”

“Well, tell me all about it.”

So Ike did. Told her everything, from all the short jokes, the loneliness, his hopeless lovers that have no interest in him. “And...I know you told me to always give love, Mom,” Ike cries, tears now flowing. “But I just can’t anymore. It’s all gone. I gave it all away and I didn’t get any back.”

“Oh no, my baby,” she coos, reaching to hug him to her chest. “Shh, it’s ok. I’m so sorry, I should have explained better, but you can never run out of love, Ike.”

“But Mom-”

“Nonsense. I can feel your love, Ikey. You give away so much love, baby, it’s ok to expect some in return. And I get why you didn’t tell your friends about it,” she says. “But you can never run out of love. It might feel like it, but love isn’t quantifiable, Ike. You were blessed with a big heart, but that only means you have that instinct to share it with everyone. Love never can run out, especially not with you.” Ike knows his tears are soaking into his mothers hospital gown, but neither of them can bring themselves to care. “Now, I think we could call your dad back in here, and have him bring some food in, it’s lunch time.”

“Already?”

“Yes, you had quite the story to tell, Ikey.”

The nurse comes in for a checkup while Ike goes to find his dad and they return a bit later with lunch for the three of them. 

“Are you staying for the summer?” his mom asks. Ike nods.

“Planning on it. I...I need a break from Japan, you know? I just wanna disappear for a few months. Recharge.” His mom nods knowingly, and Ike explains a bit about why he left Japan so quickly to his father.

“Sounds like a good plan. Some beach time and relaxation will do you good,” his father says. 

“Maybe I can get a summer job,” Ike muses. 

“You know, actually, Luca's family contacted me, and while you don’t have to let Luca know you’re here, Lucy is here and would love to hang out with you this summer.” Ike smiles. Lucy is a year older than him, three years older than Luca, but she always had a soft spot for Ike.

“Sounds great. I...I powered off my phone,” Ike explains slightly guiltily, “and I guess I’d rather not power it on again? So could you let her know?”

“You can use our spare phone,” his dad says. “It has all our contacts but your friends can’t call it, I think.”

“Perfect.”

Ike spends the first month of summer recharging. His mom is right, he didn’t run out. But he was so drained and stressed in Japan. He spends a lot of time with Lucy, at the beach and around the city, and receiving so much one-on-one attention, praise, and affection immensely boosts his spirits. He gets a summer job as a barista at a cafe to keep contributing to his family. His dad still goes to work, but he visits his mom at least once a week. 

She doesn’t look good, and each time the nurses gently warn him that she’s weak, but Ike sees the spark in her eyes whenever they talk. He feels a bit better. 

All of that changes when there’s a knock on his door. He heads over to the door and everything comes crashing down. Luca is standing on his doorstep, looking not extremely happy, with Vox, Mysta, and Shu flanking him. Ike shuts the door. And locks it. And sinks down against it. 

Everything he built up this summer just shattered upon seeing his friends. Seeing his boyfriends. Seeing them so unhappy. Seeing Vox and Mysta’s hands clasped tightly. Assuming they’ve gone, Ike can’t contain the tears that flow down his face. He folds his arms and buries his face in them. How? How did they get here? Why?

He bets Luca's family mentioned something. He’d asked Lucy not to tell Luca anything, the group were all planning to stay in Japan for at least most of the summer, but maybe Mr. Kaneshiro accidentally let it slip. He was never good at that. 

He startles when there’s a loud knock at the door, somewhere above his head. “Ike... please .” Vox. Fuck. “Let us in.” As if Vox can feel Ike shaking his head, he continues. “I know you don’t want to, but we don’t know why, Ikey.”

“Ike, please ,” Mysta adds. Fuck, they can’t gang up on him like this, Ike is weak. “Please just talk to us.” Ike slowly picks himself up off the floor, and unlocks the door. He takes a breath before opening the door. As soon as he does, he finds himself with his arms full of Mysta, the brunette winding his arms around Ike tightly. “Please don’t run away from me. From us.” Ike doesn’t say anything, just lets his face tuck into Mysta's shoulder, relishing in the moment while it lasts. 

“Can we come in?” Shu asks. Ike and Mysta reluctantly let go, though Mysta keeps his fingers tightly laced with Ike's, much to his confusion. But Ike nods, and wipes his eyes before leading them to the living room. They all take seats on the couch, and Ike finds himself sandwiched tightly by Vox and Mysta. Great . 

“Ike…”

“I’m sorry,” Ike blurts. “I didn’t mean to run away, I really didnt...but fuck I couldn’t do it anymore.” He lets his face fall into his hands as Vox strokes his back. 

“Couldn’t do what?” Luca asks. Ike shrugs helplessly.

“Everything? I don’t even know how to explain it.”

“Do your best,” Shu assures him. 

“I...I’ve always I guess been told that I have a big heart?”

“You do,” Vox murmurs. "You really do."

“And...my mom told me to always give love, you know? Since you never know who needs it? Well, it turns out, I need it. I really need it. And I just… god this is going to sound terrible, but I didn’t get enough with you guys. Whenever you guys would tease me about my height, my voice, my fashion choices, when Mysta and Vox constantly leaving me out… it never felt to me like it came from a place of love. It just piled up. And it’s my fault I never told you, but I… I didn’t want to be the reason things had to change, because they worked for everyone but me. I figured I could handle it, but I couldn’t.”

“All of us dating each other and not having our full attention on you probably didn’t help,” Luca comments quietly. Ike's eyes burn but he nods. 

“Yeah. And I’m not like Tinkerbell, where I need constant love and attention to live… but I need something. And it’s not just you guys, this happened when I was a kid too.” Ike is crying again, but Mysta and Vox are soothing him while the others look at him sadly.

“We’re so sorry,” Vox tells him quietly.

“We had no idea,” Luca admits. 

“I feel stupid for not seeing it sooner,” Shu agrees. “What can we do for you?” Ike shrugs. 

“I really don’t know. Lay off the teasing? Maybe actually listen to me? At least for a while? Not forever. The reason I came back here was to recharge, and I’m not done yet.”

“Of course,” Shu says immediately. “Is physical contact good too?”

“Yeah. It always helps. It’s a reassurance to me, helps me know I’m doing at least one thing right.”

“You’re doing everything right,” Vox scolds softly. “We’re the ones in the wrong here. You just need to save some love for yourself, ok? We’ll be the ones making it up to you. You did nothing wrong.” Ike shudders and leans into the older, Vox looping an arm around his shoulders to pull him closer. Mysta shifts to lie down, legs in Shu's lap and head in Ike's, and his hand comes up to run through Mysta's hair, just like always. 

“I’m sorry for always leaving you alone in our apartment too,” Mysta mutters. “We totally ghosted you. Fuck , I’m a horrible boyfriend.”

“No, you’re not,” Ike insists. 

They stay there for a while. Ike knows he didn’t tell them everything, he avoided the Vox-Mysta topic, but eventually Shu and Luca, leave to sleep at Luca's, and Vox and Mysta are left to sleep in Ike's guest room.

They end up cuddled together on the couch again. “I was so scared when I saw you’d left,” Mysta whispers. “I called Vox immediately.”

“He was crying,” Vox supplies. Ike frowns.

“Vox was so angry. Angry at whatever made you run away,” Mysta says. 

“I’m still a bit angry,” Vox admits. “Angry at all of us for not even noticing you felt like this. Fuck, I should have seen something.”

“No, this isn’t your fault. We don’t need to assign blame, you know. It doesn’t matter, as long as it gets better.”

“When did you get so wise, Ikey?” Vox asks. Ike shrugs. 

They talk more about what they’ve done with their summers. Apparently the gang spent the summer waiting to hear from him, and Ike feels bad, so he says he’ll take them all to the beach tomorrow. It seems to satisfy the two, and Ike powers his phone on to find all the missed calls and texts and texts them all about the new plan.

They spend around a month in Sweden. They all head back to Japan a couple weeks before spring starts up again, Ike saying bye to his parents, and all of them agreeing on some friendship codes of conduct on the plane.

Ike, still feeling upset at what had occurred finally decides to trust his lovers again. He knows they will have to make it up for him until he eventually moves on and forgives them but for now, he is happy. Vox and Mysta having their attention on him, making him feel included. It is all he ever wanted.

I wanted you to know

That I am ready to go, heartbeat

My heartbeat