Archive of Our Own ^beta

Madeleine was repulsive.

Madeleine was narcissistic.

Madeleine was intoxicating.

Madeleine was an obsession.

Anything but good was derived from Madeleine.

Espresso knew this. Espresso knew this very, very well.

Yet somehow had ended up saddled with conflicting feelings towards the man.

Espresso stood in his office, though far astray from his work desk. Rather, he took to gazing out the window, watching the knight in question gallivant about the kingdom. This activity became no stranger to him, and he despised it yet still found himself unable to pry his eyes off the window.

From afar, he hopelessly imagined himself beside Madeleine. He pondered what it would be like going on one of his little walks, perhaps linking arms, maybe even smiling at each other. The mere concept of such an act sent pleasant shivers through him. Of course, Espresso constantly protested against Madeleine acting as his savior, yes, but internally he could not deny the itching warmth inside him when he imagined Madeleine protecting him.

How ironic it was that he so desperately wished to be beside Madeleine yet pushed the other away any moment he neared. Espresso couldn't help it, really, for it simply wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault that his pulse went haywire whenever he saw that elegant, blonde hair. It wasn't his fault that the man's boisterous tone made his brain have a meltdown. And it certainly wasn't his fault that the man's touch was enough to make him become reduced to a flustered mess.

And Espresso could never, not ever, lose his cool in front of Madeleine. That would be preposterous. Embarrassing. A stain on his dignity.

That is why he must remain far, far away, like a magnet repelling from its affinity.

Deny, deny, deny.

All he could do was deny.

He hates Madeleine.

Yet when had hatred morphed to butterflies in his stomach?

(Never, he scolded himself. He doesn't love him). 

In his wildest calculations, he had never solved this question. Espresso had thought again and again, yet all he could do was slam his head against the desk in anguish as his thoughts trailed towards Madeleine for the millionth time.

The thoughts were always bittersweet, sickening. He enjoyed the thoughts and yet, didn't want them. They were a nuisance; it was something holding him back. All Espresso desired was to get back to work, to quit wasting precious time. Every minute which ticked away as he stood near the window was another minute rendered useless. 

Espresso smiled helplessly while leaning against the window, his mind still adrift.

A scenario had begun to play in his head once again. It was an image of Madeleine reaching forth to caress his cheek. Madeleine would lean forward, pressing soft kisses to Espresso's forehead and murmuring gentle praises. Such affectionate intimacy it was—an intimacy that Espresso would struggle with in reality. After a few moments of basking in Madeleine's love, Madeleine would use his tall frame to press Espresso against the wall and-

Espresso shook his head. Now wasn't the time! Not at all! He must focus on his work. That should be top priority. He felt shameful dilly-dallying in such a humiliating manner. Yet it was so hard to concentrate on his work when Madeleine plagued his mind and made his palms sweat.

Espresso decided he would suffer this no longer. Espresso must consult a professional on this matter—somebody who has experienced these feelings before. Somebody who's better adjusted on dealing with intimacy-

And he knew just who.

❁

Espresso was more than offended when Latte spat out her drink after being informed of his issue.

"ESPRESSO!? YOU... YOU LIKE MADELEINE? LIKE... LIKE LIKE?!"

Espresso had never seen Latte so loud and worked up before. Was it honestly that amusing?

"Nonsense. That is why I am consulting you on how to resolve this, Latte. As I do not, ahem, LIKE Madeleine. That is why I wish for the... er, feelings... to leave. I feel as though I have been cursed…"

Latte laughed. "Espresso! You silly goose! Just tell him you love him! It's not that complicated!"

Espresso's face went beet red. "How absurd! I have told you already. These feelings are against my will. They are disturbing my work life. It is ruining me, Latte."

"Espresso, honey, you need to take a break. Besides! This could be good for you! You need some romance in your life! Spice things up! Don't you get bored of working all the time?"

"Nonsense."

"Besides, settling down with a partner is such a good feeling! Madeleine would really take good care of you, Espresso."

"Disgusting."

"Espresso," Latte urged, her composure dissolving to a more serious one. "Even if you don't wanna court Madeleine, confessing is still the solution."

Espresso raised an eyebrow.

"Espresso. The only way to clear these feelings is to tell him. You'll either get rejected or accepted, both being quicker than trying to wait it out. A lot of times, Espresso, waiting out feelings can take months, years even."

"I..." Espresso gulped. How detrimental that would be to his studies! "...suppose you are correct." Espresso loathed the idea, but there was no other way.

He could already envision it: an ignominious confession to which Madeleine rejects. Espresso would bet that confession would go straight to his stupid ego as well. After that, Madeleine would see him as just another fan. Nothing more, nothing less. In Madeleine's eyes, he would be the same as everybody else.

But since when did Espresso care so deeply about Madeleine's opinion?

"Hey, calm down, Espresso." Latte leaned forward, putting her warm hand on Espresso's shoulder. "Just get him some flowers or something and tell him. Trust me, it's for the better. Just relax. You're too tense. You really do like him..."

Espresso pulled away at the last sentence, his expression contorted to disgust. "ABSOLUTELY not! Preposterous! I- I- I told you. I am in love against my will!"

Latte was silent for a moment before bursting into a fit of laughter. "Espresso- hah- that is the most hilarious thing I've heard all week!"

Espresso crossed his arms.

"My bad- my bad-" Latte regained her cool. "I suppose you're simply... underdeveloped romance-wise. I think a certain knight could help ya with that~!" Latte poked at Espresso's chest teasingly.

Espresso put his face in his hand defeatedly. "Goodness..." 

❁

It's not that Latte's advice had slipped his mind, no. It was that he was still too afraid to pursue it.

Espresso clutched his chest, overthinking it for what felt like the hundredth time this week. It had been five days since his conversation with Latte, and yet, in all that precious (misspent) time, he had not obtained a single ounce of courage.

Consequently, he stood here in battle, stupidly and utterly distracted by Madeleine's physique. 

Madeleine's gallantry during battle was one of grace and confidence, a show-offish performance of overexaggerated movements and unnecessary but attractive battle cries. He swung his sword about messily but with skill, enemies falling to the ground with ease. Honestly, it was hard to pry one's eyes off such a sight. 

Which wouldn't be a problem for someone who didn't need to pay attention to what's currently in front of them

Espresso had failed to notice the concerned yells of his friends as a fairly-sized enemy leaped towards him.

Espresso had only snapped back to reality upon the sudden impact against his stomach, which sent him stumbling backward. Though he managed to stay afoot, everybody was staring in his direction with mortified expressions. Espresso didn't know what all the fuss was about.

Especially Madeleine, whose pupils were dilated in unforgettable horror.

Espresso thought for a moment before looking down towards where he was hit. The sight he was met with was one far from his expectations—a jolt of fear struck his body when he took notice of his bloody, trembling hands right before discovering the abnormally large stab wound that had pierced his abdomen through his robes.

Espresso let out an echoing scream, doddering side to side as his breaths unsteadily inclined until becoming out of his control. Espresso then put a hand overtop his bleeding stomach and took a loud, desperate inhale.

Look where his cowardice had led him. If only he hadn't acted a fool and confessed his feelings before any more damage could be dealt, would he not be in this situation.

What a horrible emotion love could be. Espresso knew it all along. Love only served as a hindrance, and this just proved it.

Espresso felt lightheaded. He wanted to throw up.

Black spots began invading Espresso's vision. The screams of his friends grew muffled as he worked to keep his body steady. His breaths were now shallow, and his legs were shaking and- why was he still fighting?

He felt afraid to die.

Espresso was on the brink of fainting before he felt himself being lifted off the ground, the pressure on his feet being relieved.

Espresso looked upward, vaguely able to see Madeleine through blurred lenses. Madeleine opened his mouth, clearly saying something, but Espresso failed to hear it. All he heard was a loud ringing in his ears as his body screamed in pain. It hurt too much- far, far too much- Espresso would rather endure Madeleine one thousand times than endure this pain.

Espresso took one last glance at where the pain seared from, the feeling of warm blood trickling down his sides sending him into a sudden shock.

❁

Espresso awoke in a cold sweat, sitting up straight and taking deep, labored breaths. Espresso reached his hands out as though something was there, yet received no response. Espresso had never felt so horrified in his life- he nearly began crying. Though, his panic quickly came to a halt as he realized something.

The immense pain was gone. He was just a bit sore.

He was still alive.

Espresso realized where he was was no longer dangerous. Espresso was in a more than comfortable bed with a generous amount of pillows to start. Espresso began to look around, and though things were slightly blurred without his glasses, it was clearly evident that he was in someone's bedroom. But whose bedroom?

As if on cue, Madeleine had appeared through the bedroom doors at that precise moment. Though rather than his usual, egotistical attention-seeking entrance, Madeleine entered calmly. "Oh! Espresso! You're awake!"

Espresso felt another cold sweat run through his bones. Oh no. Oh no nono- Now he couldn't run, could he? He was injured AND captive. He would now be forced to spend time with the paladin. What a horrible outcome to a horrible problem. 

"Ess?" Madeleine stepped closer towards the bed. "Here, I have your glasses," Madeleine whispered, as though Espresso would shatter if he raised his voice too high. Where did the obnoxiously loud Madeleine go? Why was he being so... soft? Was it pity? Was it the noblesse oblige he used to empower his ego? Espresso wanted to gag.

Even more so when Madeleine's fingers brushed against his cheeks while putting his glasses on his face.

"'Spresso. Now that you're awake, may I check your wounds? I need to make sure the bleeding hasn't started up again and that it looks alright."

Espresso's eyes slowly trailed towards where he had been stabbed, hesitant, afraid that once again he was going to be met with gushing blood. That's when he noticed he wasn't wearing his typical attire. He was wearing a long, short-sleeve shirt and some shorts. Had somebody changed his clothing? Was it Madeleine? Gross.

However, what was really questionable was the giant red stain in the middle of the shirt. That couldn't bespeak any good. Espresso's eyes fearfully fixated on the stain, thinking back on how much blood he had shed last time he was conscious. 

"Oh! Oh, oh Espresso- Here, allow me-"

Espresso shivered when Madeleine grabbed the ends of his t-shirt and gestured to Espresso to put his hands up. Once that was out of the way, Espresso examined the blood-soaked bandages wrapped around his torso. Espresso suddenly felt woozy all over again, averting his gaze and holding his breath.

Madeleine had begun to remove the bandages painfully slow, the rusty and pungent smell of fresh blood emitting through the air. The prodding of the wound also caused Espresso to wince as the pain came flooding back in.

"Sorry, Espresso," Madeleine mumbled.

"You... idiot-" Espresso choked out.

"Espresso, now is no time to be defiant," Madeleine spoke with strange solemnity, pressing gauze against the afflicted area.

Espresso accidentally squeaked, an unintended whine escaping his throat as he clenched his teeth. The pain was absolutely dreadful, his body shaking at every minor movement Madeleine made. How vulnerable he was. Espresso felt pathetic.

"I'm sorry, Espresso," Madeleine repeated, putting more pressure on the wound in an attempt to make the blood clot. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," Espresso snapped. How dare Madeleine do this to him. It could've been anyone else to take care of him, so why Madeleine? Espresso wanted to leave. Espresso wanted to leave and never see Madeleine's stupid face again. 

"You seem quite pained..."

"No shit," Espresso breathed, but his words came out somewhat softer than expected.

Madeleine frowned at the tone, upset that his closest and dearest friend was in such agony. Madeleine knew it must hurt. The stab was horrifyingly deep, after all. Herb was the healer on their team at the time, and he hadn't even been able to heal it. If Pure Vanilla hadn't made it in time, Espresso could've easily been lost.

After the stubborn flowing of blood had successfully come to an end, Madeleine applied some of the cream Pure Vanilla had given him around the laceration. Pure Vanilla had done his best at healing the wound, but it was just too deep to heal fully with magic. Even with the strongest healer for miles around. Though Espresso really did get lucky that it was even healed at all.

Espresso, the lucky one in question, had been reduced to a shaky mess. How unlike him, how shameful, for pain to influence him so deeply. With one hand clamped over his mouth and another gripping tightly at the bedsheets, he tried his best to shut up. Espresso's eyes were shut so tightly that he swore his eyes were going to pop out of their sockets.

"Sh, relax, Ess," soothed the knight, "We're almost finished. You're almost there." Madeleine finished cleaning the wound, delicately reapplying bandages to irritate Espresso the least. When he had finished, he set the first-aid kit aside and stood up. "I'm going to wash my hands, Espresso. I'll be right back."

It wasn't until Madeleine's footsteps exited the room that Espresso opened his eyes again. He looked down, seeing that his body had been wrapped with fresh bandages. It was undoubtedly a relief to be out of those wet, bloodied, cold ones. Espresso reached down and touched his aching wound, instantly retracting his hand like a toddler who'd touched fire. Was it that bad? It made him wonder, no, fear, how long he would have to reside with Madeleine.

Espresso instinctively sunk his head when Madeleine reentered.

"You should try and eat something, 'Spresso."

Espresso backed away as the weight settled next to him. "I'm fine."

"Espresso, I understand you're upset, but you should at least try to get better. The sooner you're feeling well, and sooner you can get back to what you love. C'mon, come here." Madeleine then motioned to a bowl in his hands.

That's when the heat suddenly decided to rise in Espresso's face. He groaned in annoyance, crawling over to Madeleine and taking the bowl with two hands. It was a small bowl of pretzels, to which Espresso's stomach rumbled at the sight of. It's been quite long since he's eaten, which he was used to, yes, but it was different when his studies weren't there to distract him from his hunger. Now, with no other distractions, Espresso felt he could devour both the pretzels and the bowl.

Madeleine noted the red on Espresso's face. "You sure you're not feeling ill? Or in pain? Does it hurt?"

"I am fine. I told you already, did I not?"

"Yeah, I know, but... if you need medicine, I have some. Ah! Speaking of medicine, want some painkillers for that after you eat?" Madeleine said, pointing towards Espresso's wound.

"Yes. A shirt would be nice too, you know."

"Oh! My apologies, Espresso! Would you like for me to fetch one now?"

Espresso noticed Madeleine lightening up bit by bit. It was shockingly comforting to see the typical Madeleine he knows resurfacing from that uncharacteristic worrywart. 

"Preferably." Espresso bit into one of the pretzels, hesitantly, as though he forgot how to eat for a moment.

Madeleine got up and began rummaging through his closet. He sifted through hangers for a while before returning to Espresso with a plain black t-shirt in hand. 

Espresso snatched it, pulling it over his head, and wow- it was big. Of course, Madeleine obviously had a much bigger frame than Espresso, but Espresso didn't think Madeleine was this much bigger. The shirt hardly even fit, with it hanging off the side of one of his shoulders. Seriously, how much muscle did this guy have? No, wait, that was not a thought Espresso wanted to think about right now.

"Apologies. It's a bit big, I know, but it's also the smallest I have." Madeleine chuckled. "You're quite thin, Espresso."

The shirt was warm, and it smelt almost vanilla-like: Madeleine's aroma. Espresso found his shoulders relaxing, the scent bringing solace to him. Espresso took a deep breath, becoming less apprehensive. 

Espresso ate some more before being given the pain medication. After that, Madeleine had left the room to allow Espresso rest.

But Espresso did anything but rest. He laid there, staring up at the translucent white canopy which hung from Madeleine's bedposts. His heart stung with a painful sensation, a tight feeling in his chest; agony, agony.

But why did agony feel so lovely?

Then was it truly agony?

Did Espresso... enjoy this?

He rolled over, clutching the shirt's collar and burying his face into it. He closed his eyes, relaxing.

Espresso may be an expert in his own fields but was certainly a rookie at romance. After all, nobody is perfect at everything.

❁

Espresso awoke to Madeleine shaking him by the shoulder. Though, this time, Espresso was less resilient. He allowed Madeleine to sit him up straight against the bed frame and lift his shirt to check his wounds.

"Your wounds seem alright, Espresso. Do they hurt?"

Espresso shook his head. "Only sore."

Madeleine smiled at Espresso, sending warmth up Espresso's spine.

Espresso nervously looked downward, fingers clenching the blankets below him.

"Why so tense?" asked Madeleine.

"No reason."

"You're always so tense around me, Espresso. I've always thought it was due to such grandness that is I, Madeleine, existing in your presence, but it's beginning to pester me. You have no reason to be tense around me, Espresso." Madeleine reached forward, tucking a strand of loose hair behind Espresso's ear.

Espresso flinched at the affection. His cheeks were now dusted pink, and he almost regretting pulling away.

Madeleine frowned, retracting his hand. "Espresso..."

Espresso flopped down onto the mattress and rolled over so that he faced away from Madeleine. "Have I not explained countless times that I have no interest in befriending the likes of a light-magic user? Especially one so self-absorbed and moronic?"

Typically, Madeleine would have laughed at the statement and said something cocky, which Espresso expected Madeleine to do. But Madeleine had not done that. 

"M'sorry, 'Spresso..."

Espresso turned around. Madeleine was... crying.

Oh.

Oh no.

What had Espresso done?

Before Espresso could say another word, Madeleine escorted himself wordlessly. Espresso felt sick all over again. He'd hurt Madeleine with his words. To be fair, it wasn't his intention, but why was Madeleine so responsive to his insults today?

Espresso put his head in his hands.

No, he told himself. He shouldn't feel bad. Madeleine was the reason he was here in the first place. Madeleine was the reason he was stabbed through the gut. Madeleine's stupid, handsome face was the reason he had been saddled with such unnecessary feelings.

But nevertheless, he felt like a piece of shit. Espresso could hate people, sure, but he wasn't heartless. And after all, it wasn't Madeleine's fault Espresso was in love with him. 

Or maybe it was. Mayhaps Madeleine had been coordinating this all from the very beginning. Madeleine had been overly affectionate, it was true. All the soft smiles, the way he would wave at Espresso from across the kingdom, all the surprise hugs which Espresso claimed he abhorred yet always found himself flustered and overjoyed afterward. Even now, Madeleine was doing it, with all the gentleness Madeleine gave while Espresso was under his aid.

Espresso felt like turning to mush. Gentle. Madeleine was so horrifically gentle with him. It was driving him insane, and he was far too stubborn to admit it.

Espresso rose to his feet, shivering at the coldness beneath bare soles. Espresso took another look at himself, feeling quite self-conscious. He felt severely underdressed and was embarrassed to be seen in such attire in front of Madeleine. He couldn't help but feel so plain and unimpressive without his robe and cape.

Espresso took a step towards the bedroom door, hesitant. He cursed himself for caring, for feeling bad. Espresso felt he had no choice but to apologize. He felt guilty, disgusting, even. Espresso had never intended to stoop so low as to make somebody else cry.

The stairs creaked with each of Espresso's slow steps, the man in question having to cling tightly to the railing so as to not stumble. Though halfway down the stairs, a sudden, sharp pain shot up through his foot, causing him to yelp and instinctively let go of the railing to reach for his foot. Espresso then slipped, and being far too weak to levitate, tumbled to the bottom of the stairs with a powerful, echoing CRASH-!

Madeleine came running to the scene in an instant. He gasped at the unsightliness of Espresso, who was face-down against the wooden floor with his body twitching unnaturally.

"Espresso! Why did you get out of bed! Do you even realize how injured you could be right now!?" Madeleine crouched down, scooping Espresso into his arms.

Espresso looked away sullenly as though all the light had been dulled from his irises. Oh, now he really did feel like shit. How idiotic it was to allow his feelings to (once again) distract him from logic. In any typical incident, Espresso would have taken caution with his injury, and yet, here he was worrying so badly over an idiot that he's omitted his injuries entirely.

Espresso was so, so tired.

Madeleine sat Espresso down on the bottom stair, examining him silently. Quiet Madeleine was such a frightening sight, as much as Espresso thought he'd love it.

"I apologize, Madeleine," Espresso mumbled, unaccustomed and almost ashamed of saying sorry to the blond. Though Espresso hardly cared anymore. He's already ruined himself enough being here.

Madeleine remained mute, furthering the knot of apprehension in Espresso's gut. What a mess this all was- Espresso couldn't stand not being able to run away from conflict any longer.

Madeleine let out a huge sigh of relief before picking Espresso up bridal style and hauling him back up the stairs. As hard as it was being in Madeleine's arms, Espresso tried his best not to make eye contact.

Madeleine set Espresso back in his bed. "Please... don't move... okay?" Madeleine sat on the floor, back against the bed to face away from Espresso. "I'm not mad, I swear. I'm worried, Espresso. I'm trying so hard to keep you well. I'm trying so, so hard. It puts me in so much under so much suffering seeing you in pain. I'm still quite stunned, Espresso. You almost died... I-" Madeleine suppressed a sob, determined to stay strong in front of the other male. "You mean... so much..." Yet here he was, his voice quavering and his shell cracking

Espresso was quiet, listening, unknowing how to go forth with the situation. Was he to comfort the knight? Ridicule him? No, now was not the time to be rude. Mayhaps it was about time Espresso extended kindness towards the paladin. Especially after Madeleine has shown so much genuine care, to the point where he's breaking down completely in front of Espresso. It made Espresso feel twofold worse now that he knew what was on Madeleine's mind. Espresso knew what it was like to try so hard only to be met with criticism. On the other hand, it shocked Espresso how much Madeleine truly cared about him. Espresso mattered so much to Madeleine that it was enough to make the tough mask of Madeleine completely shatter.

It was about time for Espresso to come to terms with how he felt.

Espresso rested a hand on Madeleine's shoulder. "I will be just fine."

Madeleine's eyes widened a moment before relaxing. He smiled, blinking back the tears which had tried to escape prior. Espresso's touch- his sudden kindliness- it was soothing. "Thank you, Espresso."

❁

Espresso was compliant for the next two days. As long as he did as told, things would progress smoothly. He had also become more adjusted to taking orders from the knight, no longer feeling irritated at it. When Madeleine prepared him food, he ate it. When Madeleine brought him medicine, he would take it. When Madeleine came around to clean his wounds, Espresso would allow it.

Though that sharp feeling of love in his gut still prevailed and pushed forth eagerly, and it soon made Espresso certain of something:

He wanted to be Madeleine's boyfriend.

After being work-deprived for days on end (oh, how miserable), Espresso had been left with only his own thoughts and Madeleine. This gave ample time for his mind to unwillingly process the complex emotions. After an in-depth analysis of all the events that conspired over the past few days, Espresso's opinion on Madeleine shifted from negative to positive. And thus, the butterflies in his stomach, which were previously a hindrance and impediment to his works, evolved to something Espresso looked forward to.

Suddenly, Espresso adored being under Madeleine's care. He adored everything about it. He adored seeing a side of Madeleine so different and caring to the point where he thought his heart would melt. Espresso had never been so loved before- which is perhaps why he pushed it away to such a high degree. 

All matters had changed. Thoughts of the confession crept back in his mind, and suddenly he felt less nervous about it. If Madeleine accepted him, well, great! If Madeleine rejected him, well, Espresso would sulk alone in his lab as he always did when things went wrong.

One day while Madeleine was out, Espresso discovered himself able to walk painlessly. Quite nosy he was being, wandering about Madeleine's oversized, lavish bedroom and examining his every possession. What else was one to do when stuck in bed with nothing for days? One is bound to grow bored. Espresso is a man who prefers to be constantly moving, constantly doing something, anything. It was overly painful and frustrating to lie still.

Speaking of bedrooms, where had Madeleine been sleeping all this time? Espresso frowned at the thought of Madeleine sleeping on the couch when there was a perfectly garnished bedroom right here. Espresso almost felt greedy, keeping it all to himself.

The first thing Espresso noticed was a glass box in the corner of the room. When did that get there? Espresso swore there was simply too much in this room to fully comprehend.

Beneath glass doors, on glass shelves, something shiny had caught Espresso's eye. Actually, there were many things behind those doors that were glistening.

Some were smooth, others rigid. Some were big, and others were small; it appeared that Madeleine had some sort of mini-museum of shiny crystals and geodes. What a cute thing it was, too, imagining the big and tough knight getting excited over some rocks. Espresso smiled at the thought. Espresso also took note of how many of the rocks were blue. In fact, they seemed to be the same shade of sapphire that was in Madeleine's eyes.

Espresso wondered if this was Madeleine's secret collection, seeing as Madeleine has not once expressed a public interest in stones.

Espresso turned away from the collection, deciding to move to another part of the room. Rocks weren't all that much entertainment to the mage.

Making his way across the floor, Espresso stopped at Madeleine's bedroom dresser. There were a few framed pictures of some people Espresso didn't recognize, yet they somehow still felt strangely familiar.

Espresso reached out, taking one of the picture frames in his hands. The frame was quite large, so much so that Espresso had to use both hands at both sides of its wide frame. Espresso examined the photo, eyeing over its subjects repeatedly until he noticed something.

Madeleine had been in this photo the whole time, standing in the middle. The only difference was that Madeleine was significantly smaller, younger. He looked joyous as ever, happy as can be.

This was Madeleine's family. A big family, at that.

Espresso wanted to feel happy for the man, but instead, he grew envious. Why was it that some people got the happiest of families, but all he ever got was cruelty?

Espresso took a peek at the other frames as well, each picture depicting even more cheery faces.

Espresso eventually became more overwhelmed by this activity than initially anticipated. With a sullen expression, Espresso placed the frame back where he found it.

"Espresso...?"

"Gah-!" Espresso let out a surprised gasp at the voice behind him. He had not expected Madeleine back so soon, as well as somehow enter the room so silently. Had Madeleine just been standing there and observing him?

"What are you doing up?"

Espresso turned around, hands behind his back with his head tilted ever-so-slightly upward to look Madeleine in the eye. "Apologies. I was growing quite bored sitting around in that bed of yours. You see, I become distressed when idle for so long."

"I understand, Espresso. I apologize for not taking the precautions to ensure that you are thoroughly entertained!" said Madeleine, putting a hand on Espresso's shoulder and guiding him back towards the bed. "But you must rest until we know you're one-hundred-percent alright." Madeleine lightly shoved Espresso back onto the mattress.

Espresso was somewhat agitated but complied.

Madeleine fidgeted with his hair for a moment, twirling a long tress around his finger. The complete silence was a discomfort for him. "Um... If you're er- bored, I could um- keep you company?"

Espresso actively beat his feelings down with a bat—a heavy, metal bat—and tried ever so hard not to go soft in front of the other. "I would not mind, though don't take this as a compliment. I've simply nothing better to do."

Madeleine smiled and merrily took a seat beside Espresso, the mattress sinking a little as the larger man settled next to the smaller one. 

Espresso sighed, folding his hands neatly in his lap so as not to fidget. He felt awkward. Madeleine was right there in front of him, handsome and adorable as ever, and yet he had not a word to say. He's never actually had much of a talk with Madeleine outside the bickering. In fact, Espresso wasn't much of a conversationalist in general either. He was so used to speaking of business matters that he had completely forgotten how to have small talk.

Yet Madeleine hadn't shown boredom at Espresso's less than plausible social skills. In fact, he seemed overzealous, like a puppy wagging its tail, ready to play. Luckily, unlike Espresso, Madeleine was the kind of person who could make conversation with just about anyone. "I'm so glad you're okay, Espresso! I... I care about you a lot more than others, Espresso. I'm unsure what it is, but I care for you as though I would care for my family. You're just… really important."

Ah. The mentions of 'family' once again had arrived to resurrect his stupid emotions from earlier. Out of all the things in the world, why did Madeleine have to mention that? He had just gotten his mind off it too.

"Ah- Espresso-! Did I say someth-"

"No," Espresso interjected. "You… you are quite fond of your family, are you not?" Espresso asked hesitantly, unsure if he should proceed with this conversation.

Madeleine smiled wide. "Oh, I am indeed, Espresso! They truly mean a lot to me- as do you."

Espresso blushed lightly, eyes trailing off to the side."Ah, but Espresso, are you too fond of yours? I have not heard much of your family, but I suppose it is expected. You're secretive. You enjoy your privacy, don't you?"

"...Quite observant. Hadn't expected that from you." Espresso then grimaced, continuing to look away. What an uncomfortable subject this was. "But…"

"Ess?"

Espresso snapped his gaze back towards the paladin, sweat beading on his forehead. Everything came rushing back in so suddenly, too quickly to even grasp nor comprehend—Espresso could hear them. He could hear the cacophony they spat, the screams they took out on him, the mockery of his every move—ah, yes. It was all so clear.

All Espresso desired was their praise. Their approval. Their love. Every effort to appease them was met with criticism. Eventually, after a while, Espresso had stopped trying to please them entirely. He remembered the feeling of giving up completely, the utter despair of it. He remembered not wanting to live anymore.

Espresso hiccuped, almost allowing tears to slip from his eyes.

Madeleine put a hand on Espresso's shoulder, rubbing in a gentle motion. Madeleine kept quiet, leaning down and turning to look Espresso in the eye.

Espresso stared back and felt nothing but putrid envy. He was jealous. So, so very jealous. He was jealous that Madeleine received love from his very birth; meanwhile, Espresso had to work blood, sweat, and tears for even an ounce of recognition.

It wasn't fair.

Espresso wondered if something was wrong with him to deserve the treatment he did. 

"I'm sorry, Espresso," Madeleine whispered softly. "I hadn't known. I'm sorry, Espresso. It must be horrible to have grown up how you must have."

Goodness, Espresso had not even spoken a word, and yet Madeleine understood. Madeleine understood him, accepted him, and hadn't scolded him. For once, Espresso wasn't being yelled at for being emotionally fragile. All at once, Madeleine's touch felt so warm, loving, and comforting. Madeleine made Espresso feel secure. Madeleine was like a gift from the gods as an apology for his past. Espresso had been terrified to open up in fear of more criticism but was instead met with an unfamiliar kindness.

Espresso pulled Madeleine into a hug, clinging tightly.

Madeleine accepted the hug, realizing how badly Espresso needed this. As cold as Espresso could be, he still deserved love. Everybody deserved love, especially people like Espresso, whose coldness, in fact, developed in response to a lack of love.

❁

It was a few days later when Espresso was back on his feet. He had left Madeleine's home behind in favor of his lab once again.

Espresso would've thought work would come easy after being deprived of it for so long. Yet, work did not come to him. He was back to thinking about that idiot again.

That idiot who cared.

Who introduced comfort to him.

Who was kind to him.

This was an issue.

Espresso snapped his pencil in two just mulling over it. Being far from Madeleine never felt so painful. 

Espresso put two hands on his desk, pushing his chair outward with an irritating sound akin to nails on a chalkboard. There was only one solution.

After spending time with Madeleine, it would be easy, no?

Espresso must confess. He must get this all over with.

Like coffee magic, all problems must have a solution. Though some solutions were trickier to find than others, in the end, Espresso always managed.

Soon, Espresso discovered himself sheepishly approaching the local botanist's shop.

Espresso pushed open the door, the overhung bell jingling against glass frames.

"Oh-!" gasped a soft voice. "Welcome!"

Espresso stood quiet, inhaling the smell of what seemed to be hundreds of flowers. The scent tranquilized his nerves, shoulders relaxing as he regained composure.

A familiar green-haired cookie stepped around the corner, curious as to who his customer was. Herb was more than surprised to find the coffee mage standing there. What would a busy professor be doing shopping for flowers?

"Oh, Espresso!" Herb greeted.

"Greetings," Espresso smiled, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I am here seeking the perfect bouquet. You must be an expert, are you not?"

Herb gave a warm smile in return. "I am!" he replied with a chuckle. "What brings you here, Espresso? Looking for something specific? A scent, maybe? Something to freshen up your office?"

Espresso shook his head and waved his hands dismissively. "Oh, no, no. Nothing of the sort. Rather, I am, er- seeking a bouquet to... woo... somebody." Espresso sighed internally, disliking how this topic caused his speech to stumble.

Herb's eyes sparkled at the unexpected request, partially with enthusiasm at the mentions of romance and partial curiosity. Who exactly had stolen Espresso's heart? It certainly couldn't be anybody ordinary, no. "Oh! Excellent! I know plenty about that! Do not worry, Espresso."

Espresso gave a hum. "Of course. Teach me of your knowledge, will you?"

❁

White roses.

A symbol of true love.

A symbol of purity.

How fitting for a man the likes of Madeleine.

Espresso held a small bouquet of them exiting Herb's shop, nervousness seeping back into his stomach.

He's never done anything like this before. He was afraid. He was afraid of the unknown, all the things that could go wrong. There was a variety of ways this could turn out and hell, Espresso didn't even know if he was going to be able to do it right. 

Goodness, he hadn't felt this scared in a long, long time. How pitiful it was for such a calm and collected professor to entirely lose his cool. Though within that nervousness, he felt somewhat excited. Somewhat gooey. Somehow, he felt a little good.

Romance was not a bad thing, nor a thing to be feared; he began to conclude. It turns out, actually, that unknown emotions had disguised themselves as fear that entire time.

Espresso clutched the flowers close while headed towards Madeleine's house. It was unlikely that Madeleine was home, of course, but there was no way he was professing his feelings in the public eye.

The gentle knocks of the mage had been futile, not a single one going heard. Espresso sighed, turning away from the door.

Maybe this was stupid.

Mayhaps he should go while he still could- for the sake of his dignity. For the sake of-

Espresso was interrupted by Madeleine himself, making his way up the stairs of his front porch.

"Oh- Espresso! Greetings!"

Espresso took a sharp inhale, his hands and shoulders becoming shaky. He shivered at the realization that he was again unable to keep his calm demeanor. Madeleine was quite skilled at unintentionally getting him worked up.

Madeleine tilted his head, confused and worried about what he was seeing: Espresso, head lowered to the ground, shaking. It was unusual. "Espresso? What is the matter?"

Like a nervous schoolgirl, Espresso shoved the flowers towards Madeleine wordlessly, blushing like a madman. Espresso hadn't exactly planned this whole ordeal out and cursed himself for not doing so. 

Madeleine blinked before taking the flowers. "For...me?"

Espresso kept his eyes pinned to the interesting texture of Madeleine's wooden deck.

"Oh... oh great heavens- Espresso- I-"

When Espresso had at last sought the courage to look up, the sight beheld before him was one he would deem absolutely adorable. Madeleine's composure had slipped as well. He was transfixed on the bouquet, face so red one may mistake it for a sunburn. Madeleine's hands trembled, emotions overtaking him as he turned to absolute mush.

Espresso could feel his heart beating in his ears and thought he could faint from the anxiousness at any given moment. Why wouldn't Madeleine speak already? Why did every moment go by like a light-year? Why wouldn't that loud idiot say something already?!

Madeleine smiled, reaching forward and grasping hold of Espresso's dainty hand. Madeleine's grip was gentle as he pulled the mage's knuckles to his lips, pressing a soft, thankful kiss to Espresso's knuckles with half-lidded eyes. "How kind, Espresso. Thank you."

Espresso completely froze, heart skipping a beat.

Madeleine laughed nervously and ran his thumb over the indents of Espresso's knuckles. "Are you alright? You appear as though you have something to say."

Espresso breathed deeply, his lips parted slightly as he thought again and again if he should really do this. "I like you," Espresso admitted.

"Oh…" 

Espresso stiffened at the response.

"Ah-! No, not like that, Espresso. You're okay. I've liked you for quite the while, Espresso."

"GAH-" Espresso pulled away, putting his hands over his head. "This is embarrassing."

"Do not feel embarrassed!" Madeleine wrapped his arms around Espresso from behind, nuzzling into the mage's silk, coffee-scented hair. "There is no need to be."

Espresso sighed, moving his hands overtop Madeleine's. "If anybody sees us like this, you're dead."

Madeleine hummed, tightening his hold around Espresso. "Hm. care to step inside then?"

"That would be preferable," replied Espresso.

"Your wish is my command, my dear,"

Espresso mumbled something incomprehensible under his breath, entirely flustered at the nickname. Madeleine only laughed at this, kissing the back of Espresso's head before guiding his lover indoors.

It seems at last Espresso had resolved this conundrum.