Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

New York was a big place. Lots of people go to New York, it was filled with all kinds of cultures and individuality! People went there to make their dreams come true. It had the hustle and bustle with a culture that only a truly big city could develop. There were dancers, chefs, celebrities, or someone as plain as a librarian. They came to New York for a reason, for a purpose, or a dream. You can find almost anybody in New York.

You can also find people like Ning Yingying, who is just a college student. She was quickly walking down the street, going to her dance studio. Today, she had dance practice with her Shizun! And she was late! Don’t get Ning Yingying wrong, she loved her Shizun! But, she also loved her cooking show. She only wanted to watch it for 5 more minutes, but then those 5 minutes turned into 10, which turned into 20, and before she knew it, she was late for her dance rehearsal! Shizun is going to be so disappointed…

But she loved Demonic Chefs ! 3 chefs from New York, (where she lived! She hoped to someday run into any of them) Wei Wuxian, Hua Cheng, and Luo Binghe hosted a cooking show together. That in of itself was really boring. It was one of those classic shows that were mainly just for showing recipes and teaching people how to cook. She didn’t care about the cooking part, she watched it because of the hilarity that would always come about whenever you put Luo Binghe, Wei Wuxian, and Hua Cheng in the same room.

What she wouldn’t give to meet any of them.

Wei Wuxian was so funny. He was able to lighten the tense mood of anyone who was either a guest star or someone like Ning Yingying who wanted something cheerful to put on the TV. She always turned to Wei Wuxian’s episodes when she wanted something to laugh along with or just to put in the background. Ning Yingying thinks Wei Wuxian might be her favorite chef.

No, her favorite was definitely Luo Binghe. He was known for being the best cook with the worst motivation. She’s seen bloopers, Luo Binghe would drop everything, no matter what he was cooking or doing at that moment. If his boyfriend called, he would stop everything to answer the call. Even if he was making something as delicate as macarons, they’d forever be last on his priority list. Fans speculate that’s what happens when, halfway through, a different person would appear and finish Luo Binghe’s episode.

 Ning Yingying heard rumors that new phone restrictions were put in place on Demonic Chefs and lots of other cooking shows, purely because of Luo Binghe and his tendency to always answer his phone. He was the catalyst of Demonic Chefs’ no phone policy.

While Wei Wuxian was able to lighten the mood and Luo Binghe was funny, her favorite has to be Hua Cheng. He made snarky comments the entire duration of prepping a meal. He’d forever judge other people when making things, and he held himself to an impossibly high standard. He could find the smallest little detail to critique and could make fun of anything. Ning Yingying would literally die for any and all of the chefs. That’s how much she liked the show.

It really was a surprise when she glanced up from her phone to see a familiar red shirt, black boots, and silver tassels right in front of her. Who was right next to another, shorter, man wearing all white. He turned his head and Ning Yingying could see his mouth moving as he spoke to the man in red.

The man in white was gesturing a little, with shining eyes and a pure smile on his face. The man in red right beside him was more reserved. At least, his body language was more reserved, he wasn’t able to hide the unconditional love that was flowed from his eyes.

It took her a second to realize which chef was walking in front of her. All three demonic chefs wore red. (Ning Yingying always wondered if that was on purpose or accident.) It didn’t help that this particular man in red never had this expression when on TV.

But, anyways, Ning Yingying could hardly believe her eyes! Hua Cheng, her idol, the man who she would die for if he asked, was right in front of her! Right in front of her! Her! She could’ve fallen down onto her knees and wept with joy right then and there.

Unfortunately, he was walking in the same direction as her.

Ning Yingying could’ve sprinted ahead and tried to get their attention from behind, but she really didn’t like running. Ah, the dilemma she was in. Get an autograph of her idol, or do her most hated activity. Decisions, decisions.

Hm, this will be her plan: if Hua Cheng and the man in white turn into a restaurant or store, Ning Yingying will follow them in and hopefully catch them for an autograph. If they don’t, well, Ning Yingying hopes they will because she’s already late for her dance rehearsal and she doesn’t have the time to creepily stalk them until they stop.

The man in white finished his story, with a sentence that made Hua Cheng laugh out loud. Ning Yingying gaped with renewed interest in the man in white. How was he able to get Hua Cheng, famous for not liking anyone, to laugh?

Ooh, now she really wants to meet him.

Hua Cheng and his mystery man turned right. Damn it! She needs to turn left! Disappointedly, she sighed, resigned to the fate that she won’t get her autograph. At least maybe she could get a photo? She pulled out her phone at the intersection (on the sidewalk, not the road. Ning Yingying is not endorsing kids becoming roadkill by any means) and tried to see if she could at least get the back of Hua Cheng in the photo. By the time she got out her phone and turned on the camera, both of them were already specks in the background. Ning Yingying was pretty sure the basics of photography was to make sure you could see the object of the picture.

So with a huge sigh of disappointment, Ning Yingying put her phone back into her bag and continued on her way to the Green Leaf Dance Studio. At least, she’s close to it now.

She walked there in a slump of disappointment.

She barely paid attention to the things right in front of her when she entered. Wait, she needs to tell her mutuals so they can bemoan the lost autograph together. Quickly, she pulled out her phone but before they could start screaming in frustration with her, her Shizun called out to her.

“Ning Yingying! You are in a dance studio! You are supposed to be warming up right now, not texting!” Shen Qingqiu yelled. “You’re even late! You better put that phone down right now and come over to the barre!”

“Sorry, Shizun!” she yelped.

Oh, well.

Guess she’ll have to do it after practice.

Simp for chefs @Ning Yingying

omg u guys. im literally so frustrated rn. our lord and savior hua cheng (with someone else idk who it was) and he was RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. and then they were walking too fast and I couldn’t get an auto graphhhhhhh :((((((((((((((((((((

Crimson Rain @Hua_Cheng_official

Hm.

Simp for chefs @Ning Yingying

Oh. ah.

Could u perhaps make like an NFT that’s definitely not of your signature. Asking for a friend.

Direct Messages between Sweetest Angel Ever and Scared of sunlight

Sweetest Angel Ever: (attached 1 screenshot)

Sweetest Angel Ever: LIU MINGYAN!!!!!

Sweetest Angel Ever: OH MY GOD

Sweetest Angel Ever: THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE TURNED INTO THE BEST DAY. AHHHHHH

Scared of sunlight: :0

Scared of sunlight: damn

Chapter Text

Hua Cheng was having a good day today. It was Saturday, and Saturdays are for his husband. The sun was gently peering through their curtains as it shined in their faces with the gentle reminder the day was beginning. The morning started with the sun as it slowly rose over the buildings of New York with the reminder of a fresh start, it was a morning that most people could only dream of. It was a morning that most people had if they took the time to look.

The sound of cars honking and the overall bustle of life was the normal routine that Hua Cheng and Xie Lian woke up to. Whilst the gentle sunlight was nice on his face, Hua Cheng’s favorite part of waking up was the sight of his husband laying next to him.

Hua Cheng almost always woke up first. He was able to simply gaze at his most beloved for however long he wanted, so he liked waking up first. It felt was a little secret that only Hua Cheng had access to. Xie Lian was laying peacefully in his arms, soft, even breaths coming from him. His warm body was laying directly next to Hua Cheng. He could feel the heat of Xie Lian wherever they were touching. The lazy morning, combined with Xie Lian still sleeping was almost tempting enough to go back to sleep. He didn’t, though. As a farewell, even if Xie Lian wouldn’t be awake to feel it, Hua Cheng gave him a little forehead kiss. Then, he got out of bed and focused on making breakfast.

He made a simple breakfast. Some plain eggs and some toast. Nothing too fancy or big in the morning. Xie Lian woke up just a few minutes after him and gave him a hug from behind while he was cooking. The second sun had risen, and in Hua Cheng’s opinion, was even more beautiful than the one outside.

“Did gege sleep well?” Hua Cheng questioned.

“Mhm, yes,” he mumbled, the drowsiness of just waking up making his words slur together the tiniest bit. Hua Cheng stifled back his laughter (it definitely wasn’t a giggle, not at all). He plated the food and they sat at the kitchen island, right next to each other. 

Today was Saturday and Saturdays are for Xie Lian. That meant Xie Lian was lying on the couch with Hua Cheng right next to him. They were laying together, not on top of each other, but right next to each other. Simply basking in each other’s presence, enjoying each other’s company even if they weren’t doing the same things.

Which made it easy for Hua Cheng to get up when inspiration struck. Xie Lian watched him walk into an adjacent room, curiously.

“San Lang? Where are you going?” he asked.

“I’m getting a pencil and paper,” he said mischievously. It took but a second to find the pencil and paper, however, it took longer to find a clipboard. Do they even have a clipboard? Hua Cheng made do with a random book he found.

He went back into the living room and sat on the floor right next to Xie Lian.

“Why are you on the floor? San Lang, come sit on the couch,” Xie Lian protested.

“But I have the better view from down here,” he argued. “Well, gege always looks beautiful, but it’s easier to see him from right here.”

“San Lang!” his husband (husband!) yelped, a faint pink dusting his cheeks. Hua Cheng just grinned, looking proud of himself. “You can’t just say things like that!” Xie Lian whined.

“Okay,” he agreed. Xie Lian just playfully glared at him, knowing exactly how true that statement will turn out.

Hua Cheng settled down on the floor, with the pencil and paper in hand. Xie Lian gave up trying to put on him on the couch, content to read his book, content to be in the same room, though Hua Cheng wasn’t right beside him. Hua Cheng was satisfied watching Xie Lian read, before abruptly remembering the reason he was on the ground.

He picked up the pencil and started sketching Xie Lian. He was very careful to make it perfect. Anything less than perfection would be a disgrace to his husband. The Xie Lian in his drawing had almost the exact same pose. The only difference that he made was drawing the book to be higher and more to the right of his face. Hua Cheng made sure to make the movement in his drawing look like the book was moving. He had the book hid most of Xie Lian’s face, but it looked like it was traveling away, hinting at the face which no one was able to see.

Hua Cheng caught his husband's gaze on him a couple of times, and he grinned at him whenever Xie Lian was caught.

It turned into a little game between them. Xie Lian would look at him just as intensely as Hua Cheng (which did funny things to his stomach), and when he was caught, Xie Lian would go back to his book, pretending it never happened. Hua Cheng could still see the humor in his face, no matter how hard Xie Lian tried to hide it, even with Xie Lian not looking at him.

Hua Cheng decided to make the drawing’s eyes look at him. The book hid all but a sliver of his face, enough that you could see his eyes, but not much else. Nonetheless, you could see the mirth echoing in his eyes, along with the slight smile that Xie Lian always had on his face. The final impression when Hua Cheng was done, was the impression of mysteriousness and playfulness all in the same drawing.

Hua Cheng was struck with the urge to show off his husband and simultaneously put this into a safe which no one else had the combination for. He showed this to Xie Lian who gave a little gasp and said,

“San Lang! This is beautiful!”

“Of course you are!” he responded enthusiastically. 

Xie Lian's expression suddenly turned mischievous when he said, “I wonder, how does San Lang make these beautiful pieces, but his handwriting still needs lots of practice?” Xie Lian teased his husband right back. Hua Cheng glanced away to look at the practice papers they had still on the table and grimaced.

“Can San Lang brag about his husband?” he asked, switching the subject instead of answering. 

Xie Lian’s expression turned to one of surprise and a smidge embarrassed, then refused to look at Hua Cheng as he mumbled, “Yes… I guess that’s fine.”

Hua Cheng turned away and he missed the flattered phase of Xie Lian’s journey through multiple different facial expressions. 

Hua Cheng put the picture on a table right by the window. He took a picture, mourning the lack of good lighting, before uploading it onto a new Twitter post.

The comments began flooding the bottom of the post just a few seconds later.

God of Cooking @Luo Binghe

Oh so you FINALLY decided to do a face reveal?

Hot Chili Pepper @Wei Wuxian

Damn bro! You got a catch! Nice drawing btw!

Fan of Fans @Nie Huaisang

Wait a damn minute. How is literally EVERYONE hot? Literally every single person in or associated with Demonic Chefs ?? Like how? What’s the secret??

HC stomp on me @hc_simp

Sorry, I was walking my pet worm. Can you post another?

It was enlightening watching some people were freaking out because of the (half) face. The rest were freaking out because his husband was really, really pretty.

Good. At least the internet has eyes.

Chapter Text

“Today we invited all of your favorite chefs onto ‘LingWen Asks’, where we’ll ask them some basic questions and they’ll have to answer the questions truthfully,” Ling Wen started. She spoke into the microphone, while on a stage in front of thousands of people. Ling Wen has been the host of ‘LingWen Asks’ for so long, the constant attention and the number of eyes on her don’t phase her in the slightest.

An uproar of applause, whistling, cheering. The audience was going wild with who they knew was appearing onstage tonight.

It all happened simultaneously and Hua Cheng was walked onto the stage. The lights were blinding him and he could barely see, but he refused to blink and didn’t let his eyes water. He wore a cocky grin as he stepped across the stage, a swagger to his gait as he sat down across from Ling Wen.

Hua Cheng never wanted to go onto Ling Wen’s show in the first place. He didn’t want to be asked all of the personal questions with all of his answers being scrutinized under the eyes and ears of his fans. They will certainly try to find all of the ‘hidden messages’ and things left unsaid that he left unsaid for a reason, dammit.

Unfortunately for him, his producer, MXTX, forced him to go for the ‘popularity boost’ for the show. Hua Cheng didn’t care about the popularity. If people hated Demonic Chefs then stop watching it. It sounds like a ‘them’ problem, not an ‘us’ problem. He just owned part of the show, it’s not his fault if one person hates it. That’s the PR’s responsibility.

But in all honesty, Ling Wen’s show was a clever scheme. Ling Wen was popular enough, she was able to get new fans intrigued about whoever crossed her stage. She was also well-liked enough to boost the celebrities image while also having her own image being boosted because of the celebrity in question.

But back to the story.

Hua Cheng sat down at the seat and listened to the cheers of the audience and gave them a cocky smirk. The cheers slightly dimmed in confusion when they only saw one person walk out of the curtains instead of the three they were expecting.

Ling Wen started the interview with a simple, “Welcome to the show.”

A simple sentence deserved a simple answer.

He responded, “Thanks for having me.” 

Ling Wen glanced at the empty cushions beside him, notably missing the other 2 chefs.

“Hm, I remember inviting 3 people onto my show, where are your co-workers?” she asked in disapproval, purposely keeping her voice light and airy, but Hua Cheng could hear the hidden venom and the annoyance that was played off as amusement. He rolled his eyes at the question, didn’t want the mention of his co-workers to ruin what will already be an unpleasant experience.

He sighed, “Sorry about that, Luo Binghe didn’t want to come and Wei Wuxian said he had ‘important stuff’ to do.” Hua Cheng gave a meaningful glance to the camera and audience; he knew what type of stuff Wei Wuxian liked to do. None of it was important.

“So they ditched me.” Hua Cheng concluded. Ling Wen didn’t look impressed at all, but she carried on with the air of a person who’s had this happen one too many times.

“That’s a shame, I hope Luo Binghe and Wei Wuxian are still able to have a wonderful evening,” she said. It was incredibly bland. Hua Cheng didn’t know how some of the fans didn’t pick up on things like this. How much Ling Wen just Did Not Care. She continued the interview anyway.

“Well, your fans and my fans both want to know some personal stuff.” She leaned forward with fake intrigue, “We’ll start off simple. What’s your favorite color?”

Hua Cheng raised an eyebrow, “Red.” He was wearing all red. One might get a hint of his favorite color before they ask that question.

“Is there any reason why?” Ling Wen pressed.

He thought about it for a moment, “Nope. I just like the color.”

Hua Cheng felt like maybe this should be going differently. Why would fans want to know what his favorite color is? Don’t they normally want to know… other stuff?

Ling Wen leaned forward with a smirk on her face. The glint in her eye’s made her look predatory.

“Now it’s time for a tricky question, who do you know the most about?”

“My husband,” Hua Cheng said immediately.

“That was quick,” she commented. She then frowned, “Okay, well, who’s in second?”

“Now I understand the hard part of this question,” Hua Cheng gave a fake laugh. Maybe he should just make something up? He thought for a moment, but then debated for another moment on whether to say his answer. Eh, why not.

He finally answered the tricky question Ling Wen posed, “For number two, I’d have to say Luo Binghe’s boyfriend.”

Ling Wen’s eyebrows shot up to her forehead, “Your co-worker's boyfriend? That’s unexpected! Why’s this?”

“Unfortunately for me, Luo Binghe is always talking about his boyfriend. It’s the only conversation topic he likes to talk about. I’ve met his boyfriend a couple of times, but I get the impression that he’s pretty oblivious. Binghe’s less oblivious, so he’s learned literally everything about him.”

Hua Cheng sighed before continuing, “Then, Luo Binghe is always talking about ‘Oh, Shizun did this!, Shizun did that!’ and so now I know a lot more than I should about his boyfriend.” Hua Cheng even did a little voice! It was a lot higher pitched than what Luo Binghe actually sounded like, but it’s not like someone’s going to call him out on that.

 “If I had to rank who had the most knowledge about Luo Binghe’s boyfriend, I’d say, Binghe, then me, then his boyfriend.”

Ling Wen tilted her head, “I’m surprised! I thought Wei Wuxian would be the one talking the most!”

“In all honestly, sometimes it feels like they’re competing with who can talk about their partners longer.” Hua Cheng grimaced and said, “I would still say I know more about Luo Binghe’s partner, though. While Wei Wuxian talks more in general, Luo Binghe somehow manages to pack in more content.”

The audience was giving little chuckles throughout the entirety of Hua Cheng making fun of his co-workers.

“Alright, Hua Cheng, let’s get to the question everyone’s wondering; what’s one thing your bad at?”

“Cooking,” he replied, deadpan. He hoped Ling Wen would take him seriously. It was common knowledge and the part that everyone looked forward to. The main reason people watched Ling Wen’s show was the challenges at the end. The celebrity would be made to do the thing that their worst at. It was an unspoken agreement: If you had a thin face, NEVER go onto Ling Wen’s show. If you go onto LingWen asks, you’re saying, I agree with being publicly embarrassed .

Of course, Ling Wen didn’t ask only Hua Cheng what’s the thing he’s worst at, she probably asked one of his friends. Maybe his co-workers. Hm, now Hua Cheng is wondering what his co-workers would say.

“Well, it’s a good thing we asked your husband this question also!” she exclaimed.

Wait. Pause. How did Ling Wen contact Xie Lian? Should Hua Cheng be concerned about this?

“I’m pretty sure he said I’m good at everything?” he asked hopefully. Maybe Xie Lian could get him out of being embarrassed, even if no one’s been able to make it out alive yet.

“Mhm, not quite.” Ling Wen put a photo on the screen above where they were sitting. They were messages between Ling Wen and a mystery person. Whoever Hua Cheng’s husband was, he had his username blacked out.

Direct Messages between ______@_______ and LingWen Asks @Ling Wen

Ling Wen : What is something Hua Cheng is really bad at?

_______: Hm, well San Lang is good at a lot of things,

_______ : But I’d have to say his handwriting is quite unique.

_______ : San Lang uses a lot of… artistic liberties

Ling Wen: Are there any specific words you’d use to describe it?

_______: Haha, it’s very Picasso!

Ling Wen pulled out some sheets of paper from who knows where.

“Hua Cheng, your challenge is to write one sentence!” She winked, “And one sentence only!”

She gave one sheet of paper to Hua Cheng and kept another for herself, “All we have to do is write the classic sentence, The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog . Ready?” she asked.

Hua Cheng looked morosely at his paper, “It’s not like I have a choice.”

---

The door opened just as Xie Lian flipped a page in his book. It was an interesting, but slow, and therefore mind-numbing, book. He was almost asleep because of the warm blanket over him, the comfy clothes he was wearing, combined with the book that took 30 paragraphs that Xie Lian could’ve summarized in 1 sentence. 

Only one thing missing from his evening and now he had just come home.

“How was the interview?” Xie Lian asked innocently as Hua Cheng walked through the door. Hua Cheng just frowned at him, but Xie Lian could see the slight twitching at the corner of his mouth. It ruined his ‘angry’ image.

“Gege, you betrayed me!” he whined. “It was pure torture and I’m never going back to the demon’s show again!”

“Oh no! San Lang! It’s rude to call Ling Wen a demon!” Xie Lian gasped dramatically.

“There’s only one thing that’ll make it up to me.” Hua Cheng said. Xie Lian put down his book and sat up in interest. He eyed the mischievous glint in his eyes before deciding it couldn’t be that bad.

“Oh? What’s that?” he questioned.

Hua Cheng pouted and said, “A kiss!”

Xie Lian pretended to think about and playfully sighed, “I don’t know San Lang, one whole kiss?” He tapped his lips in ‘deep thought’, “I might be able to do it… But only after I get a hug!”

Hua Cheng flopped onto Xie Lian, who was still laying on the couch. Xie Lian let out a quiet oomf at the sudden pressure on his stomach.

He sighed in satisfaction and enjoyed the comforting presence. Xie Lian brought his hands up and started combing through Hua Cheng’s hair.

I really could fall asleep right now , he thinks quietly. Hua Cheng’s weight on top of him, which was really nice, combined with the comforting scent that always hung around Hua Cheng, the maple leaf, and the faint floral scent. It never failed to make Xie Lian think of autumn. The time of year when the plants aren’t dying, merely falling asleep before coming back in the spring.

“Gege,” Hua Cheng whined insistently, pulling Xie Lian out of his light doze.

Xie Lian giggled a little bit before saying, “Yes, yes, San Lang, I’ll give you your payment now.” Xie Lian gave Hua Cheng a kiss on the forehead. Hua Cheng pouted once again and looked at Xie Lian like he was a lost puppy.

“Gege…” he murmured disappointedly. 

Xie Lian laughed and said, “Alright, alright, here’s your kiss,” and kissed him on the lips, properly. It was warm, just the act of kissing Hua Cheng made it worth it when he had to wait for hours, alone, while he was off doing a talk show. Just being able to be there was enough in Xie Lian’s eyes.

Eventually, Xie Lian broke away from the kiss and went back to brushing through Hua Cheng’s hair, content to just exist for a while. With his proximity to Hua Cheng, Xie Lian could hear the simple tune Hua Cheng started humming and could feel the vibrations that traveled up his chest, tickling his cheeks.

“Why are you humming Ling Wen’s opening song?” he asked.

“It’s been stuck in my head ever since you made me watch a couple of her shows as ‘research’.” He frowned, clearly not pleased with the amount of time they spent watching someone like Ling Wen instead of doing something better. 

Winking, he asked again, “Do you know how to make it up to me?”

“How?”

“Let’s go to bed.”

Xie Lian leaned forward and kissed Hua Cheng.

Chapter Text

Xie Lian wanted to go to the park after dinner. Today would be the perfect day! It was slightly cold, with just a hint of a breeze. Xie Lian didn’t know the specifics of the cold fronts and higher pressure, but he did trust Lord Wind Master and their predictions with the weather! They said that there’d be fewer clouds today, and it would be a good day for star-gazing! Well, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng were in New York. It’s not like they’d see stars either way, but maybe they could see the moon?

Xie Lian thought it was a good idea, so he mentioned it during dinner one night.

“San Lang, do you want to go star-gazing in the park tonight?” he asked. Hua Cheng grinned and agreed without any hesitation. This basically confirmed it was a good plan if Hua Cheng agreed!

And so, here they are now. The wind was whooshing down the late-night street, the few cars that were still driving were honking in protest of being stopped. The voice of a city that never sleeps still didn’t stop muttering in even in the evening when people were winding down from the day.

Xie Lian was one of those voices in the city. He was humming while walking down the sidewalk. Just a little tune that he heard on the radio today. Xie Lian embraced the little kid in him that demanded he jump up on the curb. He held his arms out, like a tightrope walker in one of their biggest balancing acts.

Hua Cheng grabbed his hand and lead him along the curb, supporting Xie Lian even if he didn’t need it. He held one arm behind his back, while the other was still up in the air, clutching Xie Lian’s hand. They walked hand in hand, it felt like Hua Cheng was personally escorting Xie Lian to a magical place. He giggled to himself, thinking Hua Cheng could be walking through a deadly forest filled with enchantments. Maybe it was a lethal place, with Hua Cheng being his protector!

Pfft, like there are any forests in New York.

Xie Lian childishly jumped down from the curb; he wanted to walk alongside Hua Cheng.

And just like a little kid, Xie Lian’s foot slipped just a tiny bit. It wasn’t a big slide, all that happened was his foot hit the ground a tiny bit sooner than he expected. But unlike a little kid, Xie Lian didn’t recover from it. His chronicle bad luck decided now was the best time to play a little prank. Well, Xie Lian was just glad it was with a little fall, a little fall while he was with Hua Cheng.

If it could be counted as a fall. It was a funny thing that happened, Xie Lian didn’t trip on a rock, he didn’t trip on himself, he didn’t trip over Hua Cheng. Xie Lian’s ankles just… crumpled.

Not today , his ankles decided without his permission.

It wasn’t his intention to be a damsel in distress! It was like his body decided to stop working, without checking with his brain that it was actually okay to do that. He inhaled sharply alongside the sharp stabbing pain that shot up his leg. Xie Lian stumbled forward, his momentum of the jump still hadn’t dispersed.

Hua Cheng caught him because of course he did. Hua Cheng’s arms were outstretched and perfectly caught Xie Lian in a hug, scientifically proven to be the most secure way to catch someone. It’s especially effective when there’s a romantic situation. Source: all the rom-com movies Xie Lian has seen.

“Does gege need some help?” Hua Cheng teased.

“Ah! No, I’m perfectly fine, thank you!” He resolutely ignored Hua Cheng’s eyes, preferring to look down at the pavement instead. He blamed the slight chill on the way his ears and cheeks had risen in warmth.

Xie Lian thought he’d be put down within the next few seconds. Any moment, Hua Cheng would release his grip and they’d go back to walking hand-in-hand to the park. But, he was wrong. Hua Cheng didn’t let go. They kept hugging each other, with Xie Lian wrapped in Hua Cheng’s embrace.

Eventually, Hua Cheng did continue the walk but decided to maintain holding Xie Lian. Hua Cheng scooped up Xie Lian, holding him bridal style.

“San Lang?” he asked. 

Hua Cheng hummed a question.

“Can you put me down?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Hua Cheng winked at Xie Lian and said frankly, “Gege hurt his ankle.”

“It doesn’t hurt that much,” he complained lightly, “It’s one of those ones that I could just walk off. It wouldn’t hurt for more than a couple of minutes.”

“Then I can carry gege for those couple of minutes,” Hua Cheng grinned. Xie Lian just sighed, resigned to his fate. 

“So, how was work today?” Xie Lian asked.

He was fully prepared for the consequences of what happened next. He knew this would launch Hua Cheng into a rant about the idiocy of his co-workers, he knew Hua Cheng could complain about this subject for hours. He had endless grievances with his colleagues. Some people might’ve found it concerning the amount of rage Hua Cheng had, and it probably was, but it was hilarious. That’s why Xie Lian always made sure to ask this question, he found it funny how angry Hua Cheng could get, and the very creative insults Hua Cheng could come up with.

Hua Cheng did exactly what Xie Lian expected. He fumed about his idiotic co-workers; especially Wei Wuxian. Hua Cheng was normally angry with Wei Wuxian for whatever reason, but today was special. Today, wasn’t the normal level of annoyance.

Apparently, he brought a flute into the studio because they needed background music. It was perfectly fine for the first few times they ran through the piece. Wei Wuxian played beautifully and the audio editing team was very happy with the results.

Somehow, the crew of Demonic Chefs forgot one crucial piece of information-- Wei Wuxian was a disaster. He caused chaos intentionally or unintentionally. With or without anyone or anything helping. Wei Wuxian can cause enough unnecessary chaos on his own. What’s worse than Wei Wuxian was a bored Wei Wuxian. Everyone, every single person that has ever heard of Demonic Chefs knew that nothing was worse than a bored Wei Wuxian. They thought a bored Wei Wuxian could be as bad as it gets.

They were wrong.

So, so wrong.

What’s even worse, you might ask?

A bored Wei Wuxian with a flute.

After getting the right audio that they needed, Wei Wuxian had nothing to do since it was Luo Binghe’s turn at recording a recipe. Wei Wuxian looked at the flute he had in his hand and thought of an amazing idea. One that would be funny (to him), entertaining (once again, to him), and reduce boredom (in a good way, to him. Everyone else definitely preferred the boredom).

Hua Cheng relayed with incredible pain the story of their ears bleeding. The studio put up with the flute (if it could be called that) for an hour. They mainly survived this because when the cameras were rolling, Wei Wuxian had to be quiet. Even he feared the editing team.

When the cameras weren’t rolling, however, was an entirely different story. Wei Wuxian would start playing (terribly) under the disguise of providing live entertainment. No one had the courage to get closer to the flute, so he kept going for another hour. An entire hour of ear-wrenching torture that could make a grown man cry.

“I heard the background music later and I can’t believe that the person who made the background music is the same person as the one who tried to make us go deaf.” Hua Cheng groaned in exasperation. Xie Lian was trying his best to muffle his laughter, even though he found the story funny, Hua Cheng obviously didn’t agree.

“It’s a good thing I had Lan Wangji’s number,” Hua Cheng scowled, “I’m his colleague, I didn’t want or agree to any ‘music’ or ‘live entertainment’ during work. Lan Wangji is his husband. Evidently, he agreed to bleeding ears, so we dumped Wei Wuxian onto him. Our ears and sanity were saved.”

The comedic timing of Hua Cheng’s story, and now this new event made Xie Lian die with laughter. He was laughing so hard, he could barely warn his husband, “San Lang, San Lang,” he gasped. “He’s behind you.”

Xie Lian had tried in vain to warn Hua Cheng before Wei Wuxian was right next to them. Hua Cheng turned around and looked at the phone that Wei Wuxian held in one hand, and a cheap, plastic recorder in the other. It was remarkable how Wei Wuxian found a neon green recorder. Xie Lian has never seen anything like it.

“Get that cheap, dirty, Dollar Tree recorder out of my face, or I’ll shove it so far up your ass, your husband won’t be able to kiss you without playing the flute,” he snarled.

Without another word, Hua Cheng turned around and ran at full speed back to their apartment. He was determined to put as much space between them as quickly as possible.

Xie Lian’s laughter rang out, echoing throughout the empty streets. He didn’t even attempt to hide his laughter this time.

---

Mo XuanYu clicked into Wei Wuxian’s latest video he posted on Twitter, ready to pick back up where he left off. It was titled, ASMR with a 13-year-old recorder from Target . Oh boy, you could tell by the title that it was quite a video. He wasn’t sure on what adjective to use; it was most certainly A Video, though.

“--Sounded like a dying cat, I don’t know how he made a flute sound like a dying cat.” Hua Cheng’s voice sounded through Mo XuanYu’s phone. His eyes widened with surprise and he thought, What? Why is Hua Cheng here? I thought he hated being associated with his co-workers.

Hua Cheng’s signature red jacket came into frame… and he was carrying someone? 

They had their face blurred out and faint giggles could be heard over his voice, “It’s a good thing I had Lan Wangji’s number. I’m his colleague, I didn’t want or agree to any ‘music’ or ‘live entertainment’ during work. Lan Wangji is his husband. Evidently, he agreed to bleeding ears, so we dumped Wei Wuxian onto him. Our ears and sanity were saved.”

One could feel the venom in Hua Cheng’s tone because of how sarcastically it was said.

The figured peaked over Hua Cheng’s shoulder, Mo XuanYu could only see a pixellated face with the vaguest facial features. They said in a breathy tone, and interrupting their own sentences with giggles, “San Lang, San Lang, he’s behind you.”

Now out of context, that would sound very creepy.

Well, in context, it was also kind of creepy.

But having watched the previous 10 minutes of a video that could’ve also been called Terrorizing the streets of New York with nothing but a flute , Mo XuanYu felt confident that a line that could’ve been out of a horror movie was very fitting considering what Wei Wuxian might do.

Wei Wuxian was his own horror movie.

Hua Cheng fully turned around and Mo XuanYu shivered from the pure irritation radiating from his face.

“Get that dirty, Dollar Tree recorder out of my face, or I’ll shove it so far up your ass, your husband won’t be able to kiss you without playing the flute.”

Oh. That was. Quite an insult.

(And more gentle than what Mo XuanYu was expecting.)

Should he take notes? And use inspiration whenever his cousins said something mean? Maybe. Mo XuanYu should keep insults like these tucked in the back of his mind. Who knows when he might need this one specific insult?

Hua Cheng turned around and full-on sprinted away from Wei Wuxian. Mo XuanYu couldn’t blame him. He’d probably do the same thing if he met Wei Wuxian in real life.

“Damn, I just wanted to ask him, why he’s carrying his husband,” Wei Wuxian murmured. “And really? He ran that fast? If he’s not careful, I might start to think he doesn’t like me.”

Chapter Text

Tomorrow will be the day when Hua Cheng unintentionally breaks the internet. It changes with the introduction of memes, new audio sounds, reaction images, and overall, Hua Cheng single-handedly changes the culture of online spaces.

‘How might that have happened?’ you ask in bewilderment.

Thank you, for that wonderful question.

Dear reader, it will start with a video, that’ll lead to another video, which will lead to the explosion of color and memes.

Today is yesterday, so let’s skip ahead about 24 hours, where we enter with an argument.

“I told you, we can’t make an entirely new episode, purely because you're angry about a cooking video!” MXTX told Hua Cheng, exasperated. “That’s not how this works!”

“But, have you seen it?! It’s total garbage! We should correct the blatant misinformation and misrepresentation of cooking before it kills people!” Hua Cheng protested.

“‘Demonic Chefs’ is a show about creating recipes, not dissing them,” she pointed out. She looked at his face and sighed, “Look, I don’t care what you do. Make your own show for this one episode, or die mad about it. Either way, I’m not allowing it on our show.”

Hua Cheng glared at her before stomping away. Just as he reached for the door, an idea popped into his head, followed by a creation of a YouTube channel.

Wait, we might’ve skipped a bit too far. Sorry about that, it must be a little confusing for your first time. Let’s look at what caused the argument, shall we?

This apartment was simultaneously clean and messy at the same time. Organized chaos, if you will. Books were strewn across the coffee table, but only across the coffee table. The kitchen was sparkling clean, with dirty dishes in the sink. Little knick-knacks were overflowing the junk drawer but could be found nowhere else in the apartment.

Hua Cheng was sprawled across the couch but was only hanging off the couch. Evidently, he had nothing to do when his husband was at work. He tapped on one video that appeared in his feed, and watched the 20 minutes long video with growing horror, visibly distressed, writhing on the couch with nothing to distract him from the pain, if you don’t count the ads that appeared periodically.

Hua Cheng sent the video to all of his annoying co-workers; for once, reaching out to them with the sole purpose of making fun of another person.

It wasn’t long before his phone blew up with equal outrage, or, a single knife emoji.

He texted both co-workers, Don’t worry. I’ll address the issue.

Hua Cheng grabbed his keys and walked out the door. This needs confrontation on a widespread scale.

There. Are you still confused, sweet reader? Do you understand with a certainty; a knowledge of what happens next? Or are you experiencing this for the first time, waiting, wondering, theorizing, what will happen-- what has happened, what will always happen?

Ah, fine, I’ll explain. It’s only natural for the answer to make themselves known to you eventually.

Now is the Catalyst of the Explosion, alongside the provocation of the Catalyst.

Hua Cheng smiled evilly at the video he just finished editing. He’s never edited before, but it wasn’t that bad. He simply pieced together different clips and moved them into an order that would make sense to the viewers at home. He didn’t care if this was the worst video his viewers have ever seen. As long as it successfully carried out his anger, it was good enough.

“Gege! Come look at our video!” he shouted. Xie Lian came into the room, curiously. Hua Cheng has been working tirelessly on this new video, not taking any breaks, with only the rage festering inside him as energy. He pressed play and looked at Xie Lian to gauge his reaction to this masterpiece.

---

A figure in red stood in the middle of the kitchen, looking very displeased. He was angry enough that smoke could be coming out of his ears. His expression was one that could make one cry as soon as they even glanced at his expression.

He started speaking directly to the camera, “It’s come to my attention that a certain man has filmed a cooking video. Because of how HORRIBLE this video was and the sheer amount of disrespect to the culinary art form, I am going to make a video in response to the abomination of a batch of cookies this man was trying to make.

“Now, fans of Shang Qinghua, or Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky, I’d recommend clicking off of this video.” A feral grin spread across Hua Cheng’s face. “Because I am going to absolutely destroy this man.”

Hua Cheng bent forward, leaning on the counter, as he started the actual dissing. A video popped up in the lower corner of the screen, showing a man starting the introduction of his video. However, no sound came out of the smaller video, and Shang Qinghua’s mouth was moving very quickly-- one could come to the conclusion: this video was sped up. Hua Cheng held a phone as well, and he was playing the video in real-time.

“He’s just explaining the purpose of his video. His purpose is to make some chocolate chip cookies. My purpose is to destroy his very happiness.” Hua Cheng held a phone in his hand and he gestured towards it. 

“Now, the very first mistake Shang Qinghua made was the oven. It’s literally the first thing he did, and he messed it up. I’m surprised he even knew this rule, considering nothing else seems to be in his head.”

He berated, “Shang Qinghua is using a convection oven. And, he’s baking some cookies for less than an hour, so he needs to turn the oven down by about 25 F or 15 C. If it was longer than an hour, he’d reduce the baking time by 25%. But this is only with convection ovens. Shang Qinghua kind of got this right.”

Hua Cheng sighed deeply and said with great pain, “Instead of doing a quick Google search, he decided to play it safe and turn the oven down to 250 degrees Fahrenheit or 121 degrees Celsius.” Hua Cheng looked at the camera and said, “Congratulations, the very first step that you took, it was bound to fail and this single-handedly doomed the cookies. Normally, the oven should be anywhere from 350 to 400 degrees Fahrenheit, or 175 to 205 degrees Celsius, when baking.”

With a grimace of pain, he said, “That much of a difference is going to make the cookies extremely undercooked. I would not recommend eating them.”

He continued on, “But, let’s put that aside, and look at the next mistake Shang Qinghua makes.”

Hua Cheng pulled out two different measuring cups; a dry measuring cup and a wet measuring cup. Now, these measuring cups look very distinct and Hua Cheng briefly breaks the 4th wall to implore the readers to look up the difference between the two cups. Somehow, certain people *cough, Airplane, cough* don’t know the difference. 

He filled the measuring cups with the types of ingredients you’re supposed to put in there. The solids go into the dry measuring cup and the liquids go into the wet measuring cup.

“Dry ingredients, like flour, into the dry measuring cup. Wet ingredients, like oil or water, into the wet measuring cup,” Hua Cheng looked like he could murder a person, “Anyone notice what Shang Qinghua did?”

In the video in the corner, Shang Qinghua was putting some flour into the wet ingredients measuring cup.

“How the hell did this even happen? Do you know how hard it is to make this kind of mistake? When you can’t level the flour, that should be a sign that you’re not doing SOMETHING right.”

This was simply the beginning of the rant Hua Cheng goes into. He talks for 20 minutes straight, with well-constructed arguments and personal attacks at every turn. Nothing could withstand Hua Cheng’s critique. He actually screams in anger when Shang Qinghua gets shells in the cake batter. He looks ready to murder someone (probably Shang Qinghua) when he sticks a spoon in the microwave, alongside the butter.

Hua Cheng laughs in vindictive glee when Shang Qinghua doesn’t put any kind of non-sticking material onto the cookie sheet. No butter, no cooking spray, nothing. He doesn’t even use a cookie scooper, meaning all the cookies will come out uneven.

“He won’t be able to get the undercooked, crunchy cookies off the sheet. Good.”

Just then, a sound could be heard over Hua Cheng’s cackles. Hua Cheng brightened and all of the anger seen in his face drained just as quickly as it came. The microphone picked up the door opening and Hua Cheng’s head turned to what was, presumably, the door.

“San Lang! I’m home!” Hua Cheng’s husband yelled.

“Gege!” he shouted back. “I’m recording a video right now!”

“A video?” he echoed.

“Yep, this idiot on YouTube tried making cookies so I decided to make a video to protect the health of the general public.”

In the oven, you could see a flash of white as Xie Lian walked to the camera, his hand seen in the reflection of the oven behind Hua Cheng. It was just enough to see Xie Lian’s white sleeve. It was a tease to the audience who watched this video. A flash of an arm, then nothing at all, with only Xie Lian’s voice to mark he was there at all.

“So, you’re making a video.” Xie Lian paused for dramatic effect, “Just to make sure… Airplane? Is that their name?” he received a nod then continued, “Just to make sure Airplane never steps another foot in the kitchen?”

“Bingo.” Hua Cheng leaned seductively against the counter. “Does gege want to help me?”

There was a pause in the conversation, and the audience would only be able to imagine what kind of facial expression Xie Lian was making.

“Um, I’ll watch the camera?” he asked, wanting to help but having no clue how to.

Hua Cheng gave an evil Cheshire grin, “Perfect.”

---

Hua Cheng leaned back in his chair and looked at his video, satisfied. Its editing perfectly captured his rage, he taught the people on the internet how to NOT make those mistakes, while simultaneously making sure Shang Qinghua would never be able to even think of a kitchen again. All in all, he was very satisfied with the video.

“What do you think?” he asked Xie Lian.

“Haha, um, well,” he started. Xie Lian tilted his head and scrunched his nose in thought. “It’s good?”

“Good, good,” Hua Cheng nodded.

Now he’s going to take a nap. Working non-stop without any sort of breaks really takes its toll on you.

---

Shen Qingqiu looked at the man sitting across from him. The pathetic man tried to make a video on how to make chocolate chip cookies, a mistake in Shen Qingqiu’s humble opinion. He’s kind of glad Hua Cheng inflicted the devastating amount of psychological damage on Shang Qinghua. For once, he wasn’t complaining during his Bro Time TM .

His head was resting on the table, eyes closed, in pure defeat. The curve of his back and the sickly pallor of his skin marked a truly miserable man.

“Well, it was a terrible cooking video. I’d tell you to stick to writing, but,” Shen Qingqiu frowned, remembering all the hours of terrible papapa he was forced to read and edit, “Maybe you need to find a different profession and hobby.”

Shang Qinghua just screamed in pain.

Chapter Text

“Welcome to today's episode of Demonic Chefs ! Today is going to be an interesting episode!” Wei Wuxian started. He did the classic TV walk towards the camera while still talking. He was wearing his signature flirtatious smile as he explained, “Hua Cheng, Luo Binghe, and I invited our partners on the show for a cooking competition!”

The camera slowly panned over to Luo Binghe as he continued, clearly looking much happier than any of the other episodes he’s been in, “We’ll be cooking against each other in teams and at the end of the hour, we’ll be judged by our producer, Mo Xiang Tong Xiu.”

The camera broke the 3rd wall and swiveled to point at a woman wearing headphones, who waved at the camera. 

It then switched to Hua Cheng as he said his line, “You might want us to cut to the cooking already, but why not meet our partners first?”

A video was put over the original screen. A man wearing all white was sitting on a chair, looking quite gentle, if not a little confused. The text at the bottom of the screen had the name, ‘Xie Lian’.

He gave an awkward little smile before saying, “Hello, my name is Xie Lian and I’ve been married to Hua Cheng for quite a while now.”

Pictures flashed onto the screen with photos of Xie Lian and Hua Cheng on their wedding day.

“I’m glad to have met him,” then he added, almost as an afterthought, “I’m a librarian.”

Which was the end of Xie Lian’s introduction. The screen then switched to show a different man in white, he was quite reticent with the utterly blank face he was wearing. He had a white ribbon on top of his forehead and the only facial changes were when he blinked.

“I am Lan Wangji, Wei Ying’s husband. I love him a lot” He slightly tilted his head and said like he was answering a previous question, one that the audience didn’t hear being asked. “I am a lawyer.”

The screen switched once more, showing a person wearing a lot of green, with a fan clutched in his lap. This last person was the most uneasy out of the three and didn’t look friendly at all.

“My name is Shen Qingqiu, I’m a ballet instructor and I’m Luo Binghe’s boyfriend,” the entire sentence was spoken stiffly, with a slight frown present on his face. The camera was far enough away from Shen Qingqiu, the audience could see the white-knuckled grip on his fan.

Wei Wuxian appeared on the screen once more, “Now that introductions are done, let’s get to the cooking competition!” He did a strangle little hop, went out of frame, and came back into the frame, dragging Lan Wangji. Out of everyone, Wei Wuxian was the loudest because of his excitement. He also was probably the happiness.

The camera was cutting and turning, gathering clips of each couple. The audience had to rethink their assumption of Wei Wuxian being the happiest when they caught sight of Luo Binghe. He looked so ecstatic, the audience could almost see a tail behind him, wagging at full speed.

The couples paired behind 3 different stations, with the names Team Hualian, Team Wangxian, and Team Bingqiu written on some signs directly below their stations.

MXTX came out behind a door and shouted, “Alright, your challenge is to make a dish that you always eat at home,” and promptly left to supervise the cameras again.

Hua Cheng and Xie Lian rushed to their stations with half-formed sentences that they pieced together during a conversation with one another. They’d say half a sentence and then trail off, for the other person to pick up exactly where they left off.

“Well… should we…?” Xie Lian started and then trailed off.

“Yes, I think meatballs would be good,” Hua Cheng finished. The two of them were in perfect harmony as they worked together. Surprisingly, Hua Cheng was leaving Xie Lian to do most of the cooking, even though Hua Cheng was defined as the more qualified of the two. Though, while Xie Lian was in charge, Hua Cheng wasn’t slacking either. Hua Cheng was doing the finer parts of the meal. He’d add some spices where Xie Lian didn’t add them, and he removed the pots and pans from the stove when Xie Lian forgot them, or just left them for too long.

On the other hand, right next to them, Team Wangxian wasn’t doing so hot, despite them having a Chili King on their side.

Somehow the two of them also managed to work in a kind of harmony. Wei Wuxian was fluttering around in the kitchen like he always does. That included, starting one part of the meal and leaving halfway through, only to be reminded of the part a few minutes later. There were two reasons Wei Wuxian was so often eliminated during cooking competitions. One, because the judges couldn’t feel their tongues after eating a couple of bites. And two, because Wei Wuxian forgot a really important ingredient that was essential to the dish he was making.

Wei Wuxian was being his typical agent of chaos in the kitchen. It was amplified the tiniest bit since his husband was here. He was trying to flirt with Lan Wangji (whose ears where turning an interesting shade of red) while balancing with a couple of pots and knives in his hands. He had two knives in one hand, and a spoon in the other, stirring some boiling water. Why he was stirring boiling water, well, Wei Wuxian himself probably doesn’t know the reason.

Currently, Lan Wangji was able to balance out the chaos Wei Wuxian was creating with his rigid order and self-control. Wei Wuxian was start something and unfortunately forget it, but Lan Wangji was able to remember everything Wei Wuxian started and then finish it as well. His structure allowed them to not be a complete mess while cooking.

It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, the cameras were able to capture the beauty of individuals working together and knowing what the other was thinking. They were able to predicate, anticipate, and act alongside their partner. Having complete trust in your partner to know what you should do during an art as delicate as cooking was a wonder. Many people longed for such easy communication between two people, but this was the type of understanding of their partner that they had to work for. All of the couples’ familiarity with each other came with knowing them for years and having to actively work for their relationship to become this way.

The two teams let each other do an equal amount of work and they had an equal amount of trust in each other.

And then there was Team Bingqiu.

While the other two teams were working together, Luo Binghe refused to let his boyfriend do any sort of straining task. So Luo Binghe took over the kitchen, is making a meal that two people were meant to make together, and still somehow managed to find the time to get Shen Qingqiu a stool to relax on.

To his credit, Shen Qingqiu was still trying to help Luo Binghe cook. The only problem: Luo Binghe didn’t want Shen Qingqiu to help.

“Shizun should just sit and relax because I can cook!” Luo Binghe beamed, “I can do it and Shizun doesn’t have to worry!”

Shen Qingqiu just sighed. He wasn’t going to have this argument on recorded TV.

A large explosion interrupted whatever Shen Qingqiu might’ve said in response. The cameras immediately turned to catch the massive fire coming from Team Wangxian’s side of the kitchen. Wei Wuxian somehow started a fire in the middle of the room. He was laughing gleefully while Lan Wangji calmly shuffled over to him and put the pan in the sink.

“Lan Zhan! My burning love for you is what made this happen!” he shouted. Lan Wangji didn’t look impressed at all. He blinked at Wei Wuxian.

“Focus,” he told Wei Wuxian.

“Bro, are you getting this?” Cameraman #1 whispered to his friend.

“Yeah dude, this is wild,” Cameraman #2 whispered back.

The camera’s then turned to MXTX as she walked to the center of the cooking facility. She stood behind a table, the same table which she periodically gave time warnings from.

"Chefs and the chefs' partners! Your cooking time is up!" she called from her spot. "Please bring your dishes to my table to be judged!"

Team Hualian, Wangxian, and Bingqiu separately raised their hands in the air, then brought their dishes to the table.

"Team Hualian, please describe your dish," MXTX requested.

"Of course!" Xie Lian quickly responded, "San Lang and I decided to make some meatballs! They're actually not beef, but turkey meatballs with some red sauce."

MXTX took a bite of their meatballs and had a lengthy struggle of trying to keep a perfect poker face.

“Team Hualian, your meatballs were… some kinda of food? Next time, maybe consider making it more colorful and less black.” MXTX helpfully told them.

Ah, even with Hua Cheng’s help, Xie Lian’s cooking must truly be abysmal. Xie Lian blushed in shame, while Hua Cheng’s eye’s foretold pain for anyone else who dared speak badly about his husbands cooking skills.

MXTX carried onto the next team, “Team Wangxian, please explain what your team made.”

Lan Wangji brought a type of soup up to the counter while Wei Wuxian took over the talking part.

“Judge and Producer, our beloved MXTX, Lan Zhan and I made my 2nd favorite dish! We made some shrimp gumbo with some bread on the side!” he shouted.

“Now Team Wangxian, I can definitely say this is a better meal than Team Hualian’s. How do I know? Because I can visually recognize this is a soup. However, it’s really red.” She took a spoon and drank it then, spit it out without a second thought. She just looked wearily at Wei Wuxian.

“Why did you have to make it spicy?” she sighed and asked his husband, “Lan Wangji, why didn’t you stop him? My mouth could’ve been saved.”

Wei Wuxian gave her an evil grin, Lan Wangji stood there impassively.

Luo Binghe started talking to MXTX without being told to start explaining his dish.

“We,” Shen Qingqiu gave a slight snort at the usage of ‘we’, “made some congee! I usually make this for Shizun for breakfast, so we decided to make this today!” Luo Binghe explained.

Finally, MXTX took a bite of Team Bingqiu’s food.

She paused.

Her eyes started watering and she felt like she could fall to her knees and weep with joy. Her tastebuds were singing praise and she never wanted to eat anything else again. Without her knowledge, some tears did start to leak from her eyes, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, for not having terrible food.”

MXTX walked over to Luo Binghe’s side while sending the evilest glare she could muster, directed at the other two.

“Team Bingqiu was at a slight disadvantage with only one person actively cooking, but they won with a large margin!” she commented, “It really shouldn’t be this obvious, there are professional chefs amongst all 3 teams.”

Luo Binghe looked happy, but one got the impression that it wasn’t the winning that he was happy about, it was simply being with his boyfriend. Luo Binghe smushed Shen Qingqiu into a hug.

(If Shen Qingqiu had a soft smile on his face, no one else saw. Only Luo Binghe was able to hear the gentle sigh that escaped him and only he was able to hear a soft murmur.

“So sticky.”

It was said with so much love and affection, but, again, it was only Luo Binghe who was able to witness these things.)

Still, the other teams congratulated them, and the cameras did catch the soft smiles that Shen Qingqiu kept giving to Luo Binghe.

They also caught the hugs, soft pats, and physical affection that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji gave each other.

The cameras caught the amused jokes and embarrassment that Xie Lian felt about his cooking, alongside Hua Cheng determinedly eating everything that Xie Lian made.

The cameras recorded every moment and would be able to play these little acts of love hundreds of thousands, and millions of times.

---

Ning Yingying scrolled through her feed, catching the reactions of the people talking about this new episode of Demonic Chefs . A couple of comments stuck out to her in particular. She saw some screenshots of the partners of the show and narrowed her eyes in suspicion and confusion.

She… recognized one of the people on the show. Not just recognized, she knew one of the people on the show .

With this crazy revelation Ning Yingying turned on the TV while still scrolling through Twitter.

Are we not going to talk about Xie Lian’s food?

MXTX, it’s obvious why Bingqiu won. They’re all SIMPS, but Binghe simps in a different way.

lmao why is sqq just sitting there. lbh, let your boyfriend do some work.

Why is everyone hating on XL’s food? If there’s only one bite left, HC better be ready to throw some hands.

HC, bestie, you might want to get checked for food poisoning. My sister’s an ER doctor, I might be able to get u in quickly.

PFFFFT lwj is literally just. Standing there. He has no idea what to do.

AHHH I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SEE THE DAY WHEN WE HAD A HC PARTNER FACE REVEAL!!!

wait how did wwx set soup on fire. are we all ignoring this for a reason?

Ning Yingying closed out of the app and very calmly messaged her Shizun.

Green Leaf Dancers :D group chat

Ning-ning: SHEN QINGQIU

Ning-ning: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME

Ning-ning: YOU’RE DATING LUO BINGHE???

Ning-ning: LIKE THE CHEF

Ning-ning: Don’t even try to lie to me, i see u on the tv

Ning-ning: u know everyone????????

Ning-ning: I COULD’VE GOTTEN AN AUTOGRAPH YEARS AGO

Ning-ning: the only way u can make this up to me is if you get me autographs from all 3 chefs

Ning-ning: THIS ISN’T LIVE TV, YOU BETTER ANSWER ME

Shizun : ok, i’ll get you an autograph

Ning-ning is typing…