Enar Fairchild's Journal

This is a journal I've kept for my Nord Nerevarine Enar Fairchild while playing the game. It is discontinued because originally I wanted to play the Great House Dagoth mod but it was buggy as hell from the very beginning (the negative effects of Corprus didn't stop accumulating even after joining Dagoth Ur). So I guess we have to assume that Enar failed at fullfilling the prophecy, succumbing to Corprus...

I follow the in-game events very closely, but I have tried to flesh things out a bit at least to give the diary a more authentic feel. Enar has a background and thoughts and opinions - and I definitely don't agree with all of those (while rereading some of the comments about Khajiit and Argonians he let drop actually made me wince - I'm afraid he's a child of his time and his culture).

And I have to apologize, my English is probably worse than usual in this story because I was writing while the game was running, so my focus wasn't fully on it and I couldn't check things in a dictionary. I might clean it up later on - but I'm always worse at spotting language mistakes than at avoiding them in the first place (the longer I look at a sentence the less sure I become whether it is correct or not).

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

17 Last Seed 427 E3, Balmora, Vvardenfell

Finally! I've acquired an empty book, ink and quill. I didn't quite feel like myself without keeping a journal. Every good mage or scholar should keep one. And I intend to be a great one one day. But I digress.

Lately a lot has happened. I spent several months in prison – if I had known how illegal Iondus' 'business' would be I would have never agreed… but alas, what's done is done. I am still uncertain how getting a few unsavory ingredients for a… project could have warranted such a severe sentence. They didn't just lock me up – no, they exiled me to Morrowind – or more specifically Vvardenfell. I wasn't even given back any of my belongings. The enchantments on my robes might not have been good but they were mine! And all my notebooks…

Still, I'm trying to see the good in this situation: dark elves, or Dunmer as they prefer to be called in the old tongue, are certainly not very hospitable to foreigners – and most certainly not to Nords (and I can't help that I look every inch the ice-brained barbarian) but their magical accomplishments are great indeed. Not as well-known as those of the Altmer or Bretons – but some say, that the greatest wizards of Tamriel actually live in Morrowind… of course they are also the most dangerous and reclusive sort – still, I find myself now in a country with a true appreciation for the magic arts.

I signed up with the local branch of the Imperial Mage Guild – it looks like I am finally going to get the field experience I was so lacking at the university in Cyrodiil.

Unfortunately the work isn't paid well, and I am short on money already.

I also got inducted into a secret Imperial organization – it seemed to be the condition of my release. There are some mysterious facts surrounding those events, and I will strive to unravel them in time.

18 Last Seed 427, Balmora

I'm tiring of running errands for the local alchemist Ajira. She is a petty Khajiit, and her squabbles with the enchanter Galbedir are annoying. Just an hour ago Ajira made a ruckus about her reports having gone missing. Apparently Galbedir has hidden them. And of course I was sent to search for them. I found them, and not only is their quality abysmal – Ajira also takes credit for all the work that I did.

I hope to advance in rank quickly so that I won't be forced to do more of this meaningless work. I might have a long way to go, but I know that I'm destined for something special – and maybe here in Morrowind I will finally find out what… and learn to have the courage to follow through with it.

On another note: I should really be careful with this field experience… at Lake Amaya I got nearly killed by a thing that looked like a distant relative of a cross between clannfear and mammoth… I have been told they are local animals called 'Kagouti'.

19 Last Seed 427, Vivec-City, Vvardenfell

Today I took the Guild teleportation service to have my fist look at local cities other than Balmora. I had been warned that my reception there would be even cooler due to my foreign origins. But I think as long as it amounts to nothing more than icy stares I can weather this treatment. In time those people who truly matter will hopefully learn to value me for my skills.

The Guild's hall head Edwinna Elbert in Ald'ruhn asked me to find a book called 'Chronicles of Nchuleft' for her – which I took as inspiration to browse all the book shops I can find.

Many of the books for sale are standard ware of course, like the Chronicles of the Empire. But the texts about Dunmeri religion and ancestor worship give fascinating insights.

Apparently a big part of Dunmeri religious practice when it comes to their dead could be described as something like 'consensual necromancy' though they hate any other forms of the dark art.

Here in Vivec I'm headed for a shop called 'Jobasha's Rare Books' – a promising name at least. I also met the Arch-Mage of Vvardenfell – he asked me to uncover the mystery of the Dwemer's disappearance… I'm not sure whether he is eccentric and serious or just really bad at jesting.

Ald'ruhn

I'm officially broke now. That's what I get for obeying orders. These Chronicles were a highly fascinating read but far too expensive. The money Lady Elbert gave me for expenses wasn't enough by far – and this smug Khajiit bookseller had unfortunately realized how badly I wanted the book so I could barely talk him down enough that I had money for the way back to Ald'ruhn left. Now I have been promoted to Journeyman, but as much as it irks me I have to find some paying job and soon – I haven't eaten all day.

Caldera, Vvardenfell

I found my way into an Imperial mining town called Caldera after I got horribly lost in an ash storm for a while. It was a bit scary. It is an unpleasant weather condition.

I still haven't found any work – but I managed to brew some cheap potions that I sold. I can at least afford a bed for the night and a cheap meal now. I'm spending my time collecting alchemical ingredients and talking to people.

There seems to be some discontentment about the mining operations. Apparently the land belongs to one of those Great Houses – the Dunmeri version of noble families – and they are upset about the Empire claiming it. Apparently, if it had been another Great House they could have called for a 'House War'. It sounds like some form of feud to me.

Also, a lot of people have told be about some local believe that the ancient war hero Nerevar will be reborn and cast out all the foreigners. Even one Altmer I met seemed angry about the Empire's conquest of Morrowind. This strange belief sounds like wishful thinking of people who seek an explanation for the reason why their salvation hasn't come yet. The Tribunal Temple (the local faith) is set against this belief though – and rather vehemently at that.

They probably want to enforce the peace with the Empire.

Though I wonder why they aren't more invested in the possible liberation of their country if the people are as upset as appears to be the case. It's not like the Empire has any Tiber Septims to stop them from trying these days… of course I'm rather happy that so far they haven't. The way they look at strangers they would probably have had my head on a pike by now otherwise.

Still, this whole Nerevarine matter seems oddly fascinating. I guess it just shows once again that I'm really not suited to being a Nord – that I'm all fascinated about some ancient elven hero who shall lead a rebellion against good old Talos' Empire.

Of course, my interest is merely academic.

I have found one of those old tombs and have taken some things. It's not like dead people really need those anymore. Although I am uncertain when it comes to Dunmer ghosts… somehow I feel like a robber. Strange. I wasn't that hesitant back in Skyrim when we were youngsters, and going up to that old barrow was a challenge. The dead there were someone's ancestors as well – but even with the draugr everywhere they didn't feel as… present as those dead Dunmer. Still, this should give me enough money for the next few days.

20 Last Seed 427, Caldera

I learnt new things about this country again. New places can be so fascinating! Apparently, before the Imperial occupation Morrowind was merely a land of farmers, herders and fishermen. Trade and industry weren't that important. The way people talk about Dunmer you would expect something more great and sinister…

21 Last Seed 427, Caldera

I ventured out yesterday to find the hideout of some robber who is nicknamed 'the Craven'. I assumed with that name – and with the description of him being rather stupid – that would be a manageable undertaking. I thought wrong. I slew one Bosmer robber, but had to flee from this 'Craven'. At least I got the Bosmer's armor.

It is humbling indeed, to have to stoop to a life of looting – only to find that one is really bad at it.

22 Last Seed 427, Somewhere between Caldera and Pelagiad

I got lost. And then I made the bad mistake of wandering into this old cave – there was a worn door at the entrance and it looked rather abandoned. Inside everything was cast into an eerie red glow by myriads of candles, and this whispering was in the air as if the place was haunted. Naturally that piqued my curiosity, and I went in deeper. But then I was attacked. In the hurry to get out again I hardly saw my enemy, but it seemed to be a half-naked Dunmer, bowed as if with old age, yet much too nimble for that to be the case – and something was strange with his face as well – something about his eyes.

He didn't say a word; he just hauled a barrage of spells at me. I barely got away. I should be really careful with those caves. Gods, my muscles are still twitching form the lightning I got hit with…

Pelagiad, Vvardenfell

I have arrived in Pelagiad. A little Imperial town built around a fort. It doesn't fit into the landscape – but Imperial architecture never tries to.

On my way here I had a curious encounter with a Breton who told me about a robber named Nelos who had taken her jewels – and apparently had stolen her heart as well. She asked me to find him and give him her glove as a token of her love – very much a gesture out of High Rock romantic fiction. I found the bandit in the local tavern, and he seemed genuinely happy about her message. He wrote a note that I will bring to the lady when I meet her again.

I also learnt more interesting things by talking to people and borrowing some books. The local Cult healer, Ygfa, told me a lot about the local diseases as well as alchemy. I also found a book on common alchemical formulae and tried some of them.

Tomorrow I will head to Seyda Neen. Talk in town was that they had some easier but paying jobs.

There was an attack! An assassin! An assassin who wanted to kill me! Why would anyone want to kill me? Has Galbedir found out that I was the one to give her that fake soulgem? …but I doubt she would go that far, and I'm not sure if she would want to spare the money… though she probably has it, being an enchanter.

I will definitely inform the guards. I'm lucky I could kill that mer… he was suddenly right next to my bed while I was sleeping.

The guard identified the assassin's attire as belonging to the Dark Brotherhood – surely that must be a mistake! I have no enemies even if someone knows about my new status as a secret agent… I haven't proven to be a threat to anyone so far. It's unsettling… but also mysterious. And I love a good mystery. Unfortunately I doubt I would survive delving into it.

The guard told me I should report the incident to Appellus Matius in Ebonheart.

23 Last Seed, Somewhere between Pelagiad and Seyda Neen

While sleeping on the road I was again attacked by an assassin. I slew him as well. I might be destined for this adventuring life after all!

Seyda Neen

I have killed the bandits near Seyda Neen. Also I found the corpse of their missing tax collector. The tax money was still on him. But it was clearly murder – his throat had been cut – that was no nixhound. Of course no one likes a tax collector. I should probably report this anyway. Still, whoever did this must have been especially spiteful or strangely honorable to not have taken the money. Who knows what unsavory methods this Processus might have used to collect his taxes? I won't judge without knowing the matter.

I reported the murder at the office – though I admit that I withheld the money. I am no saint. Curious as I am I asked around in the village to find out who might have done it – those on Processus' list who haven't paid their taxes were my first hints.

It turns out that Foryn Gilnith was the malefactor. He was rather open with the fact and proud of it. He apparently considers it a strike against corruption. Considering what I have seen of the Empire's dealings here on Vvardenfell I am inclined to believe him. May the legion find him on their own – they didn't ask me to investigate the matter anyway.

But Gilnith gave me a ring that he supposed belongs to Processus' love. He said she wasn't involved in the corruption and deserved to know. I can't say that I'm keen on bringing such news – and I don't know whom I'm looking for. Though I would guess that it's a woman and with a bit of luck she lives in Seyda Neen.

There aren't many women in Seyda Neen. It turns out Thavere Vedrano, who operates the light house was the one. She thanked me for giving her something to remember her lover by and gave me a couple of health potions. She said if Processus had taken them with him he might still be alive. I didn't tell her that judging by the cut in his throat that seems unlikely.

24 Last Seed, Balmora

I am back in Balmora. This city is quickly becoming something of a home base to me. Ranis at the Mage Guild has asked me to get Guild dues from a womer somewhere in the direction of Molag Mar. She wrote the directions down for me. She also wants me to convince an ex-member of House Telvanni to join our Guild ranks. In both cases she told me in case of non-cooperation I should kill the target. She seems to be the intrigue affine and plotting sort of mage. I think that’s the sort that gives all of us mages a bad name – but if it works I can hardly fault people for going that route. To be honest I don’t care much either way.

I have no idea though how I would even start to convince those people. It’s not like I know command spells…

I also talked to my more clandestine employer. He, too, sent me on a mission. I’m supposed to talk to an informant about the Sixth House cult and the Nerevarine prophecies. Both are connected and the latter are apparently prophetic poems that the barbaric Dunmer of the ash lands pass down among their wise women. I’m rather curious about those Ashlanders. I read some of their poetry in the Ald’ruhn bookstore – before I came to Morrowind I didn’t even know that some Dumer still lived as alliterate nomads.

My employer also gave me a book on Morrowind history. I’m looking forward to reading it.

I have skimmed this book. An interesting read though I will keep my eyes open for books from a local perspective. The author of this book paints a rather dire picture of Morrowind and especially Vvardenfell. Conflict and disease looming at every corner. But what stood out the most to me was the mention that Vvardenfell has been opened for settlement (apart from some Great House holdings) only 13 years ago – I didn’t expect that. Apparently the temple has been against it. But the king who by the sounds of this text is an Imperial puppet overruled that decision. I wonder who that king is. It wasn’t mentioned in that chapter.

This whole Dagoth Ur situation is also a topic that I would like to know more about. It sounds like some story to scare children with, but people take it quite serious.

25 Last Seed, Sadrith Mora, Vvardenfell

Before I put my hand to any of my tasks I felt I should familiarize myself a bit further with the land – and with the mindset of the Telvanni considering that one of Ranis’ tasks involves an ex-member of said House.

I’m currently in Sadrith Mora investigating a ‘haunting’ at the Inn. The ghost is rather strong and keeps coming back even though they called in someone they called Master Neloth’s ‘Mouth’, whatever that means. They suspect it is some form of prank, and would be grateful to anyone who puts a stop to it. I shall try my luck – after all the people here are very tightlipped when speaking to foreigners. But I believe hearing their perspective on things might prove to be fascinating. So doing anything that might improve their opinion of me seems to be a good idea – at least, if it is something as relatively harmless as this.

By the way: I learned that Morrowind was called Resdayn before it became an Imperial province – I think renaming a country is a strong show of cultural domination and certainly not how you make friends. I see more and more why the locals have such a dislike for anything non-Dunmer. Of course that doesn’t help me one bit. I might find my own race a mostly distasteful lot, but it doesn’t change that I am a Nord…

Arara Uvulas (The ‘Mouth’ – apparently it’s the Telvanni term for their Masters’ spokespersons) said the ghost must have been summoned by a conjuration expert. I think I will ask at the mages guild who might be known for said skill. They are more likely to give me an answer than those paranoid Telvanni.

26 Last Seed, Sadrith Mora

It turns out that Ulveni Heleran from the mage guild was the culprit. She had been annoyed about the praxis of the so called ‘Hospitality Papers’ – those are formal papers allowing outlanders to walk around freely in Sadrith Mora. They cost money and clearly serve no purpose but to annoy and humiliate. I bought them anyway since I did not want to cause a scene. Uleni agreed to stop the hauntings and told me to bring a letter to Telvanni Angaradhel – it was a parody of the pompous hospitality papers called the ‘Ghost-free-papers’. It was rather well done.

I went back to Angaradhel and told him what transpired and also handed him the letter. He was greatly outraged and declared he would ‘take care’ of Uleni. I feel slightly bad for mentioning her name now. But she did not tell me to withhold her identity. Also I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get on the good side of the local authorities. If I am to stay on Vvardenfell – and basically having been exiled here that seems likely – I should work towards a favorable relationship with the real authorities on magic. And for all their bragging I don’t think that it’s the mage guild. Though for now staying with them is the safest option.

I think I will stay here and gather some alchemical ingredients before I return to Balmora to do Ranis’ duties. I hear that salt rice and marsh marrow are good for healing – I might need that.

27 Last Seed 427, Balmora

I’m back in Balmora. I’ve decided to ask Hasphat Antabolis for Nerevarine information before I head out to do Ranis’ bidding – and what a good thing I did: it turns out that his job leads me in the same direction as Ranis’ does.

I must bring him a Dwemer puzzle box from the ruins of Arkngthanz – it’s curious that he could give me a detailed description of the box and how to get into the ruins, but doesn’t retrieve it himself – he is a member of the fighters’ guild after all. He should be up to the task. I heard that taking Dwemer artifacts is illegal… I guess he doesn’t want his hands to get dirty. I hope I will find out what this puzzle box does or what it is used for.

I will go to Arkngthanz first, since that duty is more pressing. …oh, by the way, I really understand why Dunmer look unkindly on Argonians – that they have been at war for ages unmemorable is one thing – but no one in their right mind likes to become friends with people who look at you and say: “Oh, fresh game!” It’s disgusting, that’s what it is!

28 Last Seed 427, Arkngthanz

I really need to find means to strengthen my magicka reserves – curses to being a Nord! Some bandits attacked me and while they were easily dispatched I expended almost all my magicka on those fools (or as the locals seem to say ‘s’wits’).

But it is really fascinating. Everywhere the noises of rushing steam and clicking mechanisms… Skyrim has Dwemer ruins as well, but I never got to see one from the inside. I do not understand the purpose of half the things here – and I’m barely in the entrance hall!

I found the puzzle box – fortunately it was in a room on the upper level. But I must come back at a later date! Maybe with a party or when I have better equipment and more experience. I think I might have caught the Dwemer fever that is so common among scholars. Now, that I am actually standing in the ruins of the Deep Folk I totally understand. It is so alien – how is it possible that one people alone went such different ways? How is it possible that they invented techniques even before the First Era that millennia later we still cannot unravel? It is said that they shunned the gods – is it possible that our believes are what holds us back? It is a dangerous thought… and maybe a foolish one.

I have never been very devoted to the Adedra – they are so distant – and all my life I have been warned against the Daedra – and rightly so. They do not even make it a secret that mortals are to them what to us is a wild beast in the Arena. Maybe the Aedra see us like that as well and are just better liars. I should probably stop those blasphemous musings – even if they were true the gods are clearly mighty. The Dwemer are gone. Maybe not because of their atheism – but maybe it was the cause. … I doubt I will ever know. Tribonius is a crazy man after all.

30 Last Seed 427, Molag Amur region

I might be lost again. I’m uncertain. But I stumbled upon an extensive cave system. The people hiding out in it are hostile. I can only guess that they are smugglers or robbers. Especially their stored stock of magical scrolls is impressive. Even though it is a destraction from my current job I think I will explore those caves further.

There is a deep pond of water and the smugglers (?) had a lot of water breathing and swift swim potions in stock – I think there might be something important down there – but there are Dreugh in the water and I’d rather not expend all my scrolls and potions before I have talked to Ranis’… targets.

I will have to come back on a later date.

It seems as if I have found the way again – at least (after passing a strange jagged ruin and being attacked by scamps – I suspect it is one of those ‘Daedric Ruins’) I can see a fortress now that must be this ‘Marandas’ Ranis marked on my map. An ancient Dunmer stronghold she called it. But I won’t explore for now. I’ll be happy when I get back to Balmora. This region with its groaning earth and lava pools is disconcerting. You feel as if the earth might open up to swallow you at any moment.

31 Last Seed

I found Manwe in Punabi and managed to convince her that she should pay the dues even though at first she claimed to have left the guild.

This cave is full of similar crystals to those I have seen at the Telvanni council hall and Manwe claimed to be researching the ‘adaptive responses of quaternary variations in Oblivion streams’ – I would have liked to hear more about that – but at that point some scamp from the back of the cave came and attacked me, followed by an angry Breton. I understood that I had overstayed my welcome and left. Now to Llarar Bereloth in Sulipund. I might need some luck – not that I tend to have much.

Ald'ruhn

I convinced Llarar to join the guild. I think he took a liking to me but was annoyed with the whole matter and merely agreed to stop me mentioning it.

I’ve tried one of these Almisivi Intervention scrolls to get back into civilized territory. It brought me to Ald’ruhn – so apparently physical distance is not the deciding factor in determining which temple is chosen as the target.

My knowledge of Mysticism is a bit rusty. Maybe it has something to do with aligning or overlapping magicka flows…? I heard a lecture once on teleportation – but I’m not half strong enough to cast even the simplest spell of that school – the blood of Atmora doesn’t lend itself to magical prowess – and so I didn’t look into it further …and my old notes were lost when I was imprisoned… damned Imperial guards…

Anyway, I will talk to Edwinna since I’m here already.

Balmora

I have given my reports as well as half of the money (as agreed) to Ranis. She is pleased. Edwinna wants me to go to Skin-in-Trees in Sadrith Mora and get her potion from him. She didn’t say that I should ask him to hurry if he still hasn’t finished it – but I guess it was implied.

I also gave the puzzle cube to Hasphat Antabolis – he is such a well learned man – I feel like we could become great friends – and I really wonder why he works at the fighters’ guild of all places – maybe because their jobs actually pay… He says the cube contains instructions to build a key that might be useful on the other rooms of Arkngthanz – and that he will try to assemble it. He might let me try it out later on. We talked a bit about Dwemer – he said that according to Dunmeri oral tradition the Dwemer were wiped out by the gods as punishment for ‚profane practices‘ – considering that not even Mannimarco faced such treatment I cannot imagine what sort of profanity should be bad enough to warrant such a reaction.

On the topic of the Sixth House – which had been of course the original interest of my errant – he is also quite well versed. Apparently in the First Age before the Battle of Red Mountain there were 7 Great Houses in Morrowind (then Resdayn) – and House Dagoth, who’s seat was called Kogoruhn – was known as the sixth of them. At the battle their leaders betrayed the Great Council and their House was in return destroyed. Many of them died, those who surrendered were adopted into other Houses. But Tribunal Temple lore claims that by means of ‘evil sorcery’ the leaders of House Dagoth survived as some kind of monsters who now dwell beneath Red Mountain in the Dagoth Ur region.

Books that contain more information are:

The War of the First Council
Saint Nerevar
Nerevar Moon-and-Star
The Real Nerevar

He didn’t know anything about the Nerevarine that isn’t common knowledge and referred me and Caius to Sharn-gra-Muzgob (the healer at the Mage Guild).

I went to the South Wall to resupply myself with lock-picks – I want to train both my Alteration and my lock picking so I thought of locking and unlocking a chest repeatedly – closing it with magic, opening it by hand – and so I need a big stock. Chirranirr, who sells them, told me about local gang politics… it is interesting not because I am interested in crime but because she says the Camonna Tong syndicate led by Orvas Dren is not only the true power behind House Hlaalu – but that they run a strictly nationalist agenda! That’s interesting news considering House Hlaalu’s open mindedness and even cultural self-denial in some aspects. She even thinks they would be strong enough to take back Morrowind if the legions were to be recalled – what according to some legionaries isn’t an unlikely scenario considering the current unrest in Cyrodiil. I’m almost happy that I’m not over there anymore – but when they start rebelling here I’ll be probably one of the first hanging from a tree… I should start making some local connections – if only that were my sort of skill…

That was… interesting. I was asking around, curious about those stories about Dagoth Ur. Most people are annoyed and don’t have time to talk or so they claim – or they say it’s not a matter to easily talk about – but one mer started telling me full of conviction that House Dagoth was sleeping, and that it’s Lord Dagoth would return, welcome all ‘true Dunmer’ into his House, and drive out all n’wah. He also gave me the – strangely friendly – warning that I should better pack my things and leave before that happens. I guess I appreciate the advice? It is chilling to realize that there is so much hatred under the calm surface in this country. Elves live long lives – probably quite a few people here remember the times of an independent Resdayn still. Part of me feels horribly out of place and afraid and I’m honestly thinking of ignoring all these duties and my exile and try to leave before I come to a grizzly end – in no history book have I ever heard of Dunmer trying to conquer other countries (well, maybe Argonia, I’m not quite sure on that) – it seems they really just want to be left alone – so leaving should be a safe option.

But I feel greatly intrigued by this country and its culture. It’s not as unearthly and hauty as the Altmer, yet ancient and sophisticated in its own way. A way that includes the dark things in life instead of denying or erasing them. I feel this urge to understand it – to find a way into it. Yet I know the futility of that. At least at the moment. I am no one. I have no skill or reputation that would make anyone want me despite my innocent crime of having been born the wrong race.

I am a scholar. I won’t run away when it gets interesting just because something dangerous might happen. So far all is still moderately peaceful.

1 Heartfire

After giving the information to ███ my employer I lay down for sleep – only to wake up from a strange nightmare. It is unusual since I don’t tend to have a lot of memorable dreams. There was a person – tall, possibly male, maybe with dunmeri grey skin – I can’t recall for sure – he held my hand and his face was covered with a strange mask, golden in color and with a solemn expression. It was as if we were to be married – but all the attending people were dead. The masked one didn’t seem to notice. He talked and laughed. I wanted to tell him that they were dead, that this wasn’t right – but at that point I realized that I wasn’t breathing – and the idea that I, too, might be dead scared me so much that I awoke.

Maybe I should not have slept in Caius’ room after all – with all the Skooma in the air. On a whim I told Caius about the dream – but he just said I shouldn’t talk about dreams as if they could have meaning, the Temple would consider that a sign of prophets and witches and it would land me in jail. I wonder why that is. Of course some people actually get sent godly visions in dreams – and nightmares are the domain of Vaermina – but for the most part people don’t tend to be actually affected by dreaming … Caius seemed oddly worried. This must be a local superstition that he has picked up.

Anyway, I think I can’t sleep any more right now. I asked my employer for new orders instead – unsurprisingly I’m supposed to ask Sharm about the Nerevarine cult.

Sharm wants me to get a very specific skull from a tomb – but denies that the person it belongs to is any one of note. She’s also quite angry about the Dunmeri hatred against ‘philosophical necromancy’ as opposed to their own sacred ancestral necromancy – but on questions she denies being a necromancer herself. Well, I will do it though I don’t make a habit of lifting body parts from tombs (the burial objects inside the tombs are another matter).

2 Heartfire

Before venturing out I got the potion for Edwinna – now she wants me to steal a rare book from a colleague… they say ‘no honor among thieves’ but the same is true for mages, I guess. Ranis asked me to put a stop to the ‘unsanctioned restoration training’ by an Argonian in the South Wall. He suggested I tell Ranis that he agreed to stop and get training from him for free if I ignore that he continues anyway. I think it will work out – if Ranis finds out that he did not stop I can claim that he lied to me. And this way I won’t needlessly terrorize people for doing honest business – I have a suspicion that Ranis made this rule about unsanctioned training up herself as a mage guild power play. To her everything is a power play. Edwinna at least is interested in real research.

Also, the Argonian ‘Only-he-stands-there’ told me that the 6^th House is killing Outlanders already.

On my way to the tomb I have ventured into a small robber hideout. I killed two robbers; then I rested. It sounds callous, saying it like that. I guess, I might be. I found one of those ‘Lessons of Vivec’. They are strange. The coherency seems lacking. Yet the language is beautiful and there is meaning hidden in some of the sentences – while others might either reference things I don’t or can’t know – or might be there just so the reader believes that there is a meaning beyond their comprehension.

I went to Pelagiad to buy and sell things. While in town, I had an interesting conversation with a Dunmer called Farusa Salas. She is just a commoner, no scholar, but she was willing to tell me something about the general knowledge and believes concerning Dagoth Ur. Apparently, people know him as ‘the evil immortal enemy of the Tribunal Temple’. The way she said it, it sounded like she (and probably everyone else) has learned this sermon by heart. Whatever Dagoth Ur may be – for the Temple he seems to be an antagonistic figure to better rally people against a common enemy.

The Tribunal built a ‘Ghostfence’ (according to one book that’s some form of protection through bound spirits) to keep the blight as well as Dagoth Ur’s ‘legions of deformed monsters’ at bay. Among those monster only the ‘Ashvampires’ are considered his kin. I wonder how many people have actually ever seen them – it seems surprising that such details are common knowledge if they are hidden behind a fence – and the blight seems to spread anyway…

3 Heartfire

I have the skull – those undead guardians… they had poisoned arrows – for a moment I feared I was done for.

I also found another of those Lessons by Vivec – this one seems to be a lesson he gave Nerevar. It talks about some enemy called ‘the Sharmat’. I think I might start collecting those books – mayhap in conjunction their meaning will be clearer.

An assassin – again! I was deep asleep and still very exhausted – why, oh why does someone send the Dark Brotherhood after me?!

4 Heartfire

I have stolen the book Chimarvanidium from Sirilanwe – she had it in a spate room so that no one saw me while riffling through her chest. It’s not exactly fair play – but it is an interesting book. It tells a story from the conflict between Dwemer and Chimer (that seems to be the name of the Dunmer’s ancestor race) – and it mentions a telepathic ability among the Dwemer. The commentary says that according to one theory the Dwemer vanished in 1E 668 after they were called telepathically to embark on some great journey. I’m not sure how likely that is – but it’s a fascinating theory to be sure.

I gave the book to Edwinna. She promised to give it back to me soon – maybe I will sneak it back to Sirilanwe then. Now she wants me to check on a guild member called Huleen near Maar Gan – there seems to be some kind of ‘trouble’. I will ask the local strider captain where I can find this ‘Maar Gan’.

I had luck – the strider service goes directly to Maar Gan – during the ride I did what is quickly becoming routine: Asking the locals about the current going ons and about different myths and believes. The strider captain is convinced that if those monsters of Dagoth Ur were to break through the Ghostfence everyone would die. That sounds less like the nationalist agenda that others attribute to the 6^th House. The situation is definitely tense – especially since some of the monsters seem to have gotten out already.

Maar Gan lives in fear of them and needs ‘monster hunters’.

It turns out Huleen’s apprentice let a scamp loose in the hut while his master was away. The daedra made a mess of the place, stole the young and foolish Breton’s clothes and locked him in the basement. Now the boy is terribly scared and swears he won’t summon anything again in all his life. I’m young still myself, else I would now shake my head and criticize the rashness of youth.

I stopped by the shrine in Maar Gan – it is a Pilgrimage site. Apparently Vivec defeated Mehrunes Dagon at this place by taunting him into throwing a giant rock on Vivec instead of some mortal, innocent bystanders. The priests told me a bit about their religion, although they don’t make a secret of their dislike for Nords – not that I can really blame them, considering most of my brethren’s demeanor. But being directly told that they aren’t sure if I even have a soul is a bit harsh …also not very reasonable. I’m positive that a lot of Nords have been soul trapped or raised as spirits before. That should count as evidence.

5 Heartfire 427, Ald’ruhn

Unbelievable! Edwinna called Chimarvanidium ‘useless’ – but I guess, for her goal of constructing her own animunculi it was. Now I am supposed to return the book in secret. So she does have some sense of conscience – maybe more than I have.

Balmora

I have returned here. Already, Ranis has new errands for me – and of darker nature than before. I am supposed to escort a mage who is new in town and betray his trust to get his research notes by any means necessary.

On a lighter note: I have gained the Nerevarine information from Sharm. At the core the new information is that the ashlanders think that Nerevar once he returns from death will not only cast out the Outlanders but also destroy the Tribunal to return Resdayn to the religious traditions of old.

That is probably the main reason why the Temple outlaws those believes. But Sharm also mentioned that the Temple considers rebirth to be too similar to undeath for comfort.

Another interesting part were the prophecies – all gained through dreams and visions by ashlander shamans.

One of them Sharm wrote down for ~~Caius~~ my employer and I shall copy it into my own notes for further references:

THE STRANGER

When earth is sundered, and skies choked black,

And sleepers serve the seven curses

To the hearth there comes a stranger,

Journeyed far ‘neath moon and star.

Though stark-born to sire uncertain

His aspect marks his certain fate.

Wicket stalk him, righteous curse him.

Prophets speak, but all deny.

Many trials make manifest

The stranger’s fate, the curses’ bane.

Many touchstones try the stranger.

Many fall, but one remains.

…

This prophecy – it echoes strangely in my mind, and now I recall this fever like dream from the boat ride to Vvardenfell. ‘Many fall, but one remains’ those words were spoken in it as well. Am I meant to research these prophecies…?

6 Heartfire 427, Balmora

I am deeply confused. One of those 6^th House sleepers (I think the same as last time) came to me in the middle of the street and told me that Dagoth Ur was calling me and that I could not deny his summons. In the next sentence he bemoaned that I did deny him – although I hadn’t even answered in any way yet. He said that Dagoth Ur slept but would soon awake – and with him all the sleepers – to cleanse the land. It got even more cryptic: “As Lord Dagoth has said, ‘all shall great him as flesh, or as dust.’”

What does this mean? It sounds like a threat to turn all those to dust who stand in his way – nothing out of the norm – but the flesh part is… unusual. Of course ever since setting foot on this island I have been confronted with a lot of cryptic sayings and believes. Dunmeri culture is alien to all who have not grown up within it.

What really confuses me is: What has changed so that suddenly those Sleepers seek me out to urge me to join their cause instead of telling me to leave their land while I still can?

7 Heartfire 427, Pelagiad

I escorted Itermerel safely to Pelagiad – apart from yet another Sleeper telling me to answer Dagoth Ur’s call. On our way here I asked Itermerel about his research – he was pleased with my enthusiasm (which I didn’t have to fake at all, fortunately) and he promised me to copy the notes for me once we reach the Inn – what he did. I’m quite happy how this turned out. I will read them closely and maybe copy them for myself before giving them to Ranis. Like Manwe he is researching Oblivion streams. It is especially interesting since in Cyrodiil they teach us that we draw Magicka from Aetherius – yet both Manwe’s and Itermerel’s research suggests a direct correspondence between energy fields in Oblivion with the magicka potential on Nirn.

I… eh… I … got to know this Khajiiti thief – is that a tautology? Ahnassi, I don’t know – it just happened. It’s not often that someone is admitting interest in me – and while I’m not normally into fur… well, she is quite pleasing on the eye – and other things… I’m embarrassing myself even just writing this. She asked me to come back once in a while.

She also told me that the Nord woman upstairs is a Dagon cultist. Ahnassi loves secrets (and that’s something I can definitely appreciate) but she thinks that this cultist’s secrets are too dangerous to deal with. When my duties allow it… maybe I will come back.

Balmora

Ranis was pleased with my work. Now I’m supposed to kill a necromancer in Maar Gan. I wonder if this person is truly guilty of the crime. Wouldn’t the Temple have taken care of the problem if she was? And knowing Ranis, anything is possible. I found a book today that advertises getting into the service of House Telvanni – but it warned that only by murder could one advance in rank – hearing that I really wonder why Ranis is with the mage guild and not with them…

I got new orders from my employer. On my way back to the mages’ guild I was – once again – approached by the local Sixth House spokesman. He got annoyed when I tried to get some more proper answers from him. It’s all very curious and I’m becoming more and more frustrated that I don’t even know where to start looking for answers why they are suddenly so interested in me, an outlander. Should I be disturbed or flattered? Perhaps a mix of both would be the appropriate response.

8 Heartfire 427, Vivec

Sirilonwe’s book is back where it belongs. I have to meet three people here in Vivec for my employer. I’ll start with the temple contact since that sounds like the most dangerous one. I want to be awake and focused when I go there.

I spoke to the Temple contact. She says that the most controversial part about the Nerevarine cult is their insistence that the Tribunal is not truly divine – or at least did not gain the powers rightfully. There are some ‘Dissident Priests’ within the Temple who believe similar things and even suggest that the Tribunal’s power might be akin to that of Dagoth Ur. Apparently these priests are persecuted with much force – the informant says the Temple has become more aggressive against heretics ever since faith among the people started becoming more lax due to the Western Occupation.

I also asked her about her opinion on strange dreams of the sort which I had. She explained that while she has no personal opinion on it general doctrine is that those dreams are sent by Dagoth Ur and bear the seeds of insanity. Those strong in faith can resist this so called ‘soul sickness’ – others should seek help with the Temple.

For further information on the Dissident Priests she referred me to a book called ‘Progress of Truth’ that – though outlawed – might be found with some daring book sellers. She also tasked me with notifying my employer that she believes that she must soon leave to go into hiding because the Ordinators are watching her due to some association with Dissidents.

The thieves’ guild contact – after I distracted a taxman for her who had been searching for her – told me that the Sixth House had recently started employing a lot of smugglers – apparently they are paying very well and they manage to convince the smugglers to keep quiet about these jobs even among their own lot.

While I’m down in these sewers, I will look for one woman’s missing, skooma addicted husband.

I am afraid I found this missing husband… at least… that thing… I had heard stories about the way the corprus disease distorts and bloats the body – I thought those rats were bad enough (and I was told that those had ‘only’ the blight), but this…

This thing looked like a zombie who has got the rashes – and considering the blood it spilled under my sword strikes it was clearly alive. But it didn’t listen to any words, it only groaned and barely resembled a mer at all. Horrible!

I brought the news to Moroni Uvelas – she identified the poor mer’s ring as that of her husband. Though understandably shaken she thanked me and gave me some Cure Disease potions.

I acquired a detailed description of the Ahslander Nerevarine cult from the last informant.

Apparently, in Nerevar’s time the nomadic Ashlanders were still equal in wealth and numbers to the settled Dunmer (then Chimer), and they hope that Nerevar, when he comes again, will restore not only the old ancestor worship but the equality as well. – And, of course, drive out the Outlanders. The latter is the reason that the empire allows for the Temple’s persecution of this cult. A curious facet are the ‘Failed Incarnates’ – people who claim to be the Nerevarine but die without fulfilling the prophecies. During the last 30 years there was one named Peakstar – but he or she is only the latest in a long chain. The Nerevarine cult sees this not as a disproving argument but instead as proof for their believes. Stories have it that the spirits of all those Failed Incarnates reside in a ‘Cave of the Incarnates’. Now I am curious about the Ashlander believes concerning the spirit and soul, and what – in their opinion – reincarnation entails.

I also acquired the ‘Progress of Truth’ from a discrete trader.

I had a strange dream again. The mer with the golden mask was in it, too. He said, ‘There are many rooms in the house of the Master. Be easy for from the hands of your enemies I have delivered you.’ I can’t recall to which enemies he was referring. But in the dream his words did not confuse me. Then I saw that a dead figure was lying in front of us. They were arranged on a table, decorated with candles - either for some funeral rites or some magical ritual, I wasn’t sure.

With a start I realized that the dead person was me – which, thinking about it, doesn’t make sense at all since he did not look the least bit like me. He was an Altmer, but with earrings and a Mohawk, more styled in a Dunmer fashion, I think. Still, in the dream I was absolutely certain that this dead mer was me.

I touched him – and how strange and morbid a thought, to touch your own corpse! – and as my hand touched his skin, he drew breath and opened his eyes and got up, not in the shambling manner of the undead, but clearly alive again. Then there was blinding light and that’s when I woke up.

This time I can’t blame the skooma fog in Caius’ hut. I wasn’t sleeping in his house but still in Vivec City. The most unsettling part is… that I felt as if I was truly not alone in my dream – as if the masked figure was really not a figment of my own mind but a vision instead. I don’t know what to make of it.

This is really a horrible night. Once I lay down to sleep again another assassin attacked me. After I killed him and locked the door, and put all the chests in the room in front of it, too, I just dreamed of the masked person again. This time he talked to me, smiling and friendly, but I could not understand a single word – then he reached out as if to touch me and I suddenly noticed that his fingers were horrible claws – I tried to move away – but it was as if I was paralyzed. Then he tried to cast something on me – I don’t know what happened then. Maybe that’s where I woke up. I’m almost afraid of going back to sleep… but that is silly. I need the sleep.

9 Heartfire 427, Maar Gan

Much as I suspected Tashipi Ashibael seems to be no necromancer at all but an old rival or something similar of Ranis’. To be honest, I didn’t check Tashipi’s story much – but she is of Ashlander birth, it’s unlikely that a person from a culture of ancestor worship would deal in necromancy (well, at least not on mer), but I know Ranis and her methods, and nothing in Tashipi’s house indicated necromantic practices, so I think I believe her. The local temple priests also vouch for her. She says she will flee from Ranis’ wrath to the main land. I will report her death. But maybe it is time to consider in honest how to get rid of Ranis…

10 Heartfire 427, Ald’ruhn

I’m looking for a Telvanni spy inside the guild on Ranis’ orders. So far the only suspicious party I could find is Movis Darys in Ald’ruhn. He was the only one who, when I tried to inquire whether there was someone who might act suspicious, immediately declared that I could not accuse him without proof. He is a rather close lipped person otherwise and claims to be only at the guild to learn his letters. I’m not sure whether this makes him a likely candidate or not. For one thing, pretending to be illiterate might make people careless with sensitive documents – on the other hand no one of such a low education would rise high in rank – and therefore could not gain more sensitive information. I will keep looking. But he is a possible candidate. On another note, I seem not to be the only person with strange dreams. People try to hush it up because the Temple doesn’t like the topic. But apparently every one is tired these days. People have been seen wandering around at night, muttering strange things without any recollection of it the other day. Some admit to friends that it is dreams that trouble them. I heard people theorize that it might be connected to an increase in Blight storms.

Vivec City

It seems I found the spy. This deceit was sloppily done. Even the name of the Imperial battle mage Ocato was misspelled in his forged ‘credentials’ – but considering that Archmage Tebonius fell for it – and made the mer his advisor for gods’ sake! – the Telvanni (if it's indeed the Telvanni) did not underestimate Trebonius – he just is that stupid.

22 Heartfire 427, Sdarith Mora

I have been promoted to Evoker.

I accompanied a scholar to the docks. She was afraid of some Telvanni with whom she had got into an argument. Nothing happened on the way there. Now Skink wants me to get a rare book about vampires. It might take a while if Jobasha doesn’t have it for sale.

Vivec City

Jobasha did have the book. He might be a cat – but he definitely knows his trade. This book, ‘Vampires of Vvardenfell Vl. II’, is a fascinating read – now those blood suckers are not really my field of interest, but this is the first time I have found a somewhat believable sounding account of a cure for this awful condition. Some former Buoyant Armiger claimed to be a former vampire. He was stationed near a place known as ‘Birthplace of Molag Bal’ – who is the Daedric Prince believed by the Dunmer to have created the first vampire.

Dagon Fell

I am on my next errand for Skink-in-Tree-Shades. It sounds like it might be both complicated and interesting. He wishes to speak to an Ashlander wise woman. He says the Ahemussa in the far north-east of Vvardefell might be the most open minded tribe. So I took a ship to the north east – and ended up in a Nord fishing village. They claim it was a Nord settlement long before Dunmer drove the Nords out, who were then driven out by Dwemer who built a city on the spot. The village is built on this city’s ruins – or so the locals claim. They are proud to have taken back this place for Nord settlers. I still wonder what it is about Morrowind that 3 races fought wars over it. The land certainly has its charms – and its ebony – but it is a harsh land otherwise… I will look around, but to be honest I was quite happy to have left the all-Nord settlements of Skyrim behind… brawling and drinking and bragging without eloquence or elegance is just plain disgusting.

I was also warned about a local Nord necromancer… who obviously had nothing better to do than to settle in Morrowind of all places – a province where his trade is a capital offence!

I have found one of those local Dwemer ruins just outside town. There is something about those ruins I didn’t quite notice during my trip to Arkngthanz – the steam pipes are all based in pools of lava – no wonder that the steam is still heated after all these millennia – what is far more amazing is that there is still water in those pipes to be heated. And how does the metal inside the lava not melt? Is it some enchantment for fire resistance? Or are Dwemer alloys naturally this resilient?

I had some pleasant and unpleasant experiences in this ruin. I was bitten by one of those blighted rats… and that’s no fun to be sure – I’m lucky I had a potion so the sickness couldn’t fully take hold. On the upper level I met a friendly orc barbarian who had set up camp in this place. I also found some Dwemer animunculi plans for a ‘scarab’. Apparently creating automatons with the likeness of living things was common.

One local told me that the Sixth House cultists all have corprus and eat their own flesh in some dark caves – of course knowing how rumors work I don’t know how much truth there is to it. Still, I will keep that gruesome detail in mind when investigating further.

I am very lucky. I did not expect to find anything of worth to my travels here in Dagon Fel – but at the Inn ‘The World’s End’ I met a well learned Nord known as ‘Sarnir the Clerk’. He is deeply familiar with the land and the people and we have been talking all evening. When he heard that I plan to visit the Ashland tribes he explained much about their culture to me. Apparently, they give gifts as signs of respect and are easily offended. Challenges are a big part of their culture. Also it is very important not to enter yurts uninvited.

12 Heartfire 427, Vos

As fascinating as the region of Dagon Fell might be, I found out that I would get closer to the Ahemmusa camp if I took the boat to Tel Mora and went from there to the Vvardenfell mainland.

After doing just that I’m now taking the opportunity to collect alchemical ingredients from the richly growing marsh marrow and saltrice – both of which are good for healing.

At the Vos trade house I met an ashlander scout – Hairu Manmalit. She confirmed much of what the scholar at Dagon Fell told me and also what the Vivec informant n°3 told me about the Nerevarine cult. She refused to go into more detail because I am an outlander. It’s a harsh reminder. It’s unreasonable – but there are moments I almost forget about that fact.

I reached the Ahemmusa camp. Some people were willing to talk to me but so far not about whether there was a possibility to speak to their wisewoman or not. But apparently they are a peace loving tribe and are in bad shape because Blight infects their game and their herds and even the people – also, they speak of ‘corprus men’ who attack at night and during ash storms.

They also say that soul sickness are dreams sent by Dagoth Ur which turn people mad.

13 Heartfire 427, Grazelands

So far I have made no progress in regards to meeting the wisewoman. But I helped with finding a Blight amulet by following a white guar to the corpse of a healer who according to legend died many years ago to save others and now dies again and again to help her people. I’m not sure how much of that I believe – but the vision was pretty accurate in many points. I will keep this in mind at least. I also killed some outcasts who had been robbing traders.

Finally, after bribing one of the gula-khans (which is not ignoble in Ashlander courtesy) I was allowed to speak with the wisewoman. Unsurprisingly, she was not keen on speaking with some foreign Argonian. But she says I could look for her apprentice who is currently visiting an ancient tomb. She might allow this young womer to go. Apparently, the apprentice, Minabibi, is two friendly towards Outlanders in the wisewoman’s opinion anyway.

14 Heartfire 427, Ahemmusa camp

I spoke with wisewoman Sinnamamu Mirpal again. She says since I was the one who did Minabibi's taks in the end the girl is not the sort of person she wants as an apprentice anyway but she will send her to speak with Skink. I feel slightly bad for the girl (or woman, really, I should not forget that someone who is young and foolish in mer eyes might be twice my elder already). But if she truly isn’t suited to the calling it is probably for the best for everyone. I didn’t see any sense in lying for her sake.

I also asked the wisewoman about my strange dreams since I was told that wisewomen are knowledgeable in the way of dreams. She said they were ‘black lies’ sent by Dagoth Ur and if I were to listen to them I would turn mad. That’s not reassuring. I wonder most of all in what sense they are lies – they have so little clear meaning that it is hard to tell what they are supposed to tell me – even if I were inclined to ‘believe’ whatever their message might me.

I have returned to Skink. He thanked me for arranging the meeting and asked me to go and kill a necromancer near Hla Oad. I hope that one at least is really a necromancer.

Balmora

I was greeted by a ‘Sleeper’ again – but it was a different one than the last couple of times. I wonder… is there a way to find out why they seek me out – another way than actually following their call? And after all that I’ve seen and heard, I severely doubt that would be a good idea.

My employer has given me new orders – I’m supposed to talk to an ashlander informant – I can only say that that’s a lucky coincidence considering what I have been doing the last couple of days – or it is no coincidence at all. My employer is a master spy after all. He might very well know that as of late I might be his best agent for this task.

15 Heartfire 427, Shal (near Hla Oad)

I’m on Skink’s assignment. The undead summons here are tough. I can only hope that this is the sort of conjurer who covers up their own weakness with strong summons – otherwise I am in serious trouble. I shall rest before I continue.

16 Heartfire 427, Moonmoth Fort

I barely got away. This necromancer summoned a fleshy creature which sucked away all my strength and endurance – I killed it and its mistress with magic, but I was barely strong enough to breath at the end – I literally crawled towards the healing altar after using the divine intervention. The priest there had the nerve to lecture me about the gods and about ‘doing good while feeling good’ before he let me make use of the blessing. If not for my weakness I could have strangled him. And I don't think of myself as particularly violent, mind you. …but Skink’s nasty necromancer is dead and will hopefully stay that way. …maybe I will later return to her lair. It looked as if she might have stored some rare books and scrolls.

After reporting back to Skink who currently has no more duties for me I have made my way to Ald’ruhn to talk to the Ashlander contact. Keeping in mind the advice to find out what might be an appropriate gift, I tried my luck with the traders since people tend to buy the things they like and talk about their preferences with them. According to the bookseller my contact enjoys the written form of Ashland poetry. So I have purchased two volumes of that sort and hope the bookseller was right. He has a really well rounded collection – not quite as exquisite as Jobasha but with volumes from all over Tamriel – which is a feat all in itself. Now I only have to find this Ashlander. But since he seems to be a well known character around here it shouldn’t be too much trouble.

Finally, I found some substantial answers – my gift was well received, and my contact told me about the Nerevarine cult – while all Ashlanders worship the ancestors and all are aware of and honor the deeds of Nerevar, those who truly believe in his return and turn this believe into a cult are few – mostly made up of prophesizing wisewomen and heroes who protect them. The leaders of the cult are the wisewoman Nibani Maesa of the Urshilaku tribe and their Ashkhan Sul-Matuul. They follow their herds somewhere near the Sea of Ghosts.

I have paid Ranis my guild dues to advance to Conjurer – the next time I will ask some other steward – I have this suspicion that she is inventing those dues – or at least demanding a higher than normal price.

My employer wasn’t satisfied with my information – so I had to go and bother the Ashlander merchant again – fortunately, he seems to have taken a liking to me – he wrote everything down for me. Hopefully, that will satisfy the old skooma brain…

On a more cheerful note: Edwinna has sent me on a Dwemer mission again. I’m unsure whether I should fulfill her request first or report back in Balmora before.

17 Heartfire 427, Gnisis

After sleeping over the decision, I chose to get the Dwemer tube for Edwinna first – it sounds more to my liking at the moment.

As by her advice, I took the silt strider to Gnisis – small mining town – I was told – but what a surprise! This place seems to be full of interesting people. A mer called Hainab told me a bit of everything. Apparently, they have a rogue Telvanni living here – and a member of House Indoril at the temple (it’s quite curious that Hainab described it as the ‘new Temple faith’ – hasn’t this religion been around since the first age? I mean, elves don’t live long enough to consider that new! Although admittedly, the reports on elven maximum life span vary widely. I think the mer don’t want the mannish races to know the specifics – and maybe it varies fromr race to race between different sort of mer, but that’s a topic for another time… I wonder… should I dare visit this Telvanni? I would really like to talk to someone coming from such an ancient and reclusive magic tradition… maybe when I’m more respectable myself and have some specific questions to actually ask.

Gnisis seems to have an unusually high population of Dunmer with Ashlander (or as they call themselves: Velothi) roots. Even the town’s Hetman is Velothi – and I met an Ashlander legionnaire of all things. Wonders never cease…

Also, there are a lot of Hlaalu members all over the trade house although this is a Redoran settlement.

Redoran, Hlaalu, Telvanni, Indoril, Ashlanders and a legion Fort – I think that might be what counts as multicultural in Morrowind…

I think, I may have reached the ruins of Arkngthunch-Sturdumz – at least I doubt that there are that many Dwemer ruins near Ald Velothi. Allow me to capture the picture of this place’s splendor (well, I’m only writing for myself so no one will deny me this): From the gentle, lush hills rise brazen towers high out of the mist – a great bridge aches over a gap between the mountains towards a plaza dominated by the proud and upright statues of Dwemer armed with shield and halberd. A gargantuan crossbow on – mayhap even moveable – feet akin to those of a bird, the string still drawn, points the tip of a brass spear menacingly at the road at the foot of the mountain.

I have the Dwemer tube for Edwinna. There were a couple of angry Dwemer spirits in these ruins – an interesting find – it suggests that what ever happened during the vanishing of the Dwemer did not affet the spirits of already deceased Dwemer. It is a shame that these spirits are hostile and probably have lost all resemblance to their former selves through their long unrest – but if there were a way to restore their minds and calm them… much could be learned…

Ald'ruhn

I have returned to Edwinna – she asks me now to check on her collegue Senilius Cadiusus in the ruin of Nchuleftingth (somewhere in Molag Amur). He failed to send his monthly excavation report and she wishes me to look into it. She sounds a bit worried. I should probably head there soon – after all, if something has happened to the researchers (and they aren’t dead yet) every hour might count. But I’m too tired right now. I will sleep – then head back to my secret employer before leaving Balmora for Suran. Yes, that sounds like a plan.

18 Heartfire 427

I… I… had a dream again – I mean one of those dreams… quick, I have to write it down before the details slip my mind…

The masked figure was there again. He spoke to me – or to someone at least. And I still know all the words:

“Lord Nerevar Indoril, Hai Resdainia!

Long forgotten, forged anew! Three belied you, three betrayed you! One you betrayed was three times true! Lord Voryn Dagoth, Dagoth Ur! Steadfast liegeman, faithful friend, bids you come and climb Red Mountain! Beneath Red Mountain, once again, break your bonds, shed cursed skin, and purge the n’wah from Morrowind!”

I’m… deeply confused. It seems the wisewoman spoke true that those dreams are sent by Dagoth Ur – but why do I receive these dreams. ‘forged anew’ he says – it seems he is speaking to the Nerevarine – but why do I get this dream – does he send it to all in hopes the right one might be among them? …but no one seemed to have had the exact same dreams I had before… but that could only mean that he thinks… that I am the one he seeks. Sinnamammu called these dreams ‘black lies’ – but why should he deceive me in this – it doesn’t achieve anything – I am a nobody – as much as it might irk me! Why single me out if he doesn’t believe me to be the one.

And for all that he is supposed to be mad he is also supposed to have somewhat god-like powers (which opens the question what constitutes a god) so he should be able to really tell. And even in strange delusions there is nothing, nothing that would mark me as a likely candidate. …I won’t sleep again this night. I might as well try and take the silt strider if there is one going this late at night.

All in all, beside the confusing aspect of having been sent to me (maybe it is a coincidence that I received it… maybe I just share some attribute with the Nerevarine that makes me receptive to spiritual calls addressed to them…) this dream reveals several interesting points about the events surrounding the War of the First Council as Dagoth Ur views them – or at least as he presents them.

Maybe I will ponder this on my journey to Balmora. – Well, no, I will just take the teleport – cheaper, faster… I almost forgot. It shows just how out of sorts I am right now.

Balmora

I really can’t get rest today – the moment I stepped out from the mage guild doors in Balmora I was greeted by one of those Sixth House cultists again. He told me the same thing I had already heard from another one – that Dagoth Ur sleeps, but will awake and with him all his followers shall wake up from their dreams and cast out the n’wah… He didn’t make any allusions to my dreams or anything Nerevarine related. So he either didn’t know about this – or those dreams are really not meant for me.

…yet those sleepers have singled me out for quite some time now. And somehow these dreams feel personal… it’s all very peculiar.

I fell like for the first time in my young life I truly feel what the words ‘the weight of fate’ mean. It is as if its currents, nay, its torrents have caught me and I cannot escape them. My hands tremble as I write these lines.

Not only was I accosted by yet another sleeper on my way to C to my employer – no – when I revealed the latest informant to him he told me the true reason for my release and exile here in Morrowind. The emperor himself believes that I ‘have the appearance of meeting the conditions of the Nerevarine prophecies’. It’s insanity! He sends me here on grounds of being an orphan born on a certain day – even with these specifications it can’t be coincidence that he chose me to be the imposter… not with Dagoth Ur’s dreams. Not with the Emperor insisting that the prophecies – or part of them – are genuine (however he reckons he knows that – but who truly knows the powers of a Dragonborn?). And my employer even suggests that I might not have been sent as an imposter at all – but why would the Emperor encourage a true Incarnate? All stories say that the Nerevarine will cleanse Morrowind of foreign influence… Dagoth Ur’s interest at least makes sense…

I do not know what to think. I shall attempt to sleep despite my unsettled mind. Maybe a stiff drink or two will help with that.

Note to self: Do not repeat that drinking session – I am fortunate that headache potions do exist.

But I have thought about the Nerevarine matter in earnest. With distance to my first panic it now seems more and more plausible and right to me that I may indeed be the Incarnate, as strange as it may seem.

Have I not, despite growing up in Skyrim among my kin (at least kin by race), never felt at ease as a Nord? Do I not despise my people’s customs – always longing to achieve a closer understanding of elven culture to the point that I was mockingly called an ‘Elven lover’? Have I not always felt an urge to reach some higher goal – although I never knew which it might be? That alone means little. But signs have let me ever since I was put on that boat towards Vvardenfell. How can I, who has always sought a higher calling, deny this fate?

I cannot say that I am not confused still. But is confusion not natural for the mortal mind?

Isn’t it the first step towards enlightenment when we cast off our childish believes of a clear-edged truth and enter the world of uncertainty?

Anyone who seeks higher understanding must wade the murky waters of confusion.

Therefore, I accept confusion – nay! I embrace it!

19 Heartfire 427, Molag Amur

Finally, I have arrived at Nchuleftingth. It looks to be a massive compound – unfortunately, traversing the harsh and hard to navigate region of Molag Amur hasn’t put me in the best mood to appreciate it fully.

I met Senilius Cadius and his daughter. They don’t have their reports because their ‘local guide’ who was making the notes for the report (and since when was that the task of a guide – that is research work!) has vanished into the lower levels and hasn’t returned yet. Senilius’ daughter seems at least to be worried about this Anes Vendu – eh said something about a ‘Test of Pattern’ before he left.

I have heard many a story that tells about the Dwemer’s love for puzzles – and for deadly ones at that. It seems that if I want to find this mer – hopefully alive – I should be prepared to meet great challenges.

I have entered a room with 3 cranks and three closed walls that look like they might be hidden doors.

Using the first two handles released a poisonous fume that made me quite ill. The last one opened the last door though. As it is a ‘Test of Pattern’ I will look for any form of structure within these things.

I found Anes Vendu dead beside a destroyed Centurion-Sphere. May his soul find its way to his ancestors safely. He carried with him a most fascinating book called ‘Hanging Gardens’ – it is written in both Dwemeris and Aldmeris – many parts are badly damaged – the book looks genuinely ancient – but it might be the key for translating Dwemeris! The Aldmeris parts I could read were very cryptic though – and the end commentary in Dwemeris (which, after some comparing, I believe to have understood) said something about the writer’s Aldmeris lacking the true misunderstanding qualities. …I have heard of this strange Dwemer concept of misunderstanding before, but never what it means. I also read Senilius’ report. It states that Dwemer animunculi, when they are shipped away from Vvardenfell, stop working – but once they return they start functioning again – so there must be some form of power or control on this island that drives those automatons…

I have returned the report to Edwinna – now she wishes me to collect Dwemer blueprints. I will endeavor to do so, but not before I meet with the Urshilaku – or at least try to do so. The tides of fate should not be ignored.

20 Heartfire 427, Urshilaku Camp

Persuading people to even let me talk to the Ashkhan was an expensive business. Hopefully, it will be worth the effort. It must be.

At least Sul-Matuul is willing to consider me. Although for all I know this initiation rite of battling their ancestor spirits might just as well be designed to be my end. But if fate is with me I will live. So far all obstacles I have encountered were growing experiences – and not an early grave. So I will take heart and trust in my own skills.

21 Heartfire 427, Urshilaku Burial Site

This entire place has an ancient and eerie beauty. A cave with splaying waterfalls, twisting natural stairwells that spiral over a deep chasm and climb higher and higher as if to reach the sky that can’t be seen. I do not know where Sul-Senipul awaits me – but since he seems to hold a place of significance I have climbed the way to the highest burial chamber – hoping to find him here.

…I think I might be close – or at least close to something – here the natural rock gives way to men made structures, half buried under ash and earth but intricate and a little similar to those ancient Dunmer strongholds (though so far I didn’t have the opportunity to study any of them more closely). – Onwards it is!

23 Heartfire 427, Urshilaku Burial Site

I have the bow. After fighting the spirit I took some time to heal – even if those cowering mummified corpses everywhere seem to be watching me. But now I will return to the camp so that hopefully I might speak about the prophecies with Nibani Maesa, the wisewoman.

Nibani Maesa has given me much to think about. She says I am not the Nerevarine but may become him as I do not bear all the right signs (yet). I wonder, is that an expression or does she mean it literally? I thought rebirth would imply the same soul clad in new flesh – and indeed if what so far I had heard were true, I was – by Dagoth Ur and maybe the Emperor – identified as such – but if Nibani’s word were to be taken literally it would not be a rebirth but an assuming of the aspect – I think some obscure texts refer to such a thing as ‘mantling’ – though I am not sure if it is the correct term when speaking of mortals assuming the place of other mortals…

Or does it mean that the whole ‘rebirth’ is just a metaphor and the Nerevarin will merely be someone who continues to do the work ‘in Nerevar’s spirit’? But I believe there is more to it, there is this beckoning fate – it’s strong.

Nibani said if I wanted to assume the station of the Nereavarine I should look for recordings of those prophecies that have been lost to Ashlander memory. But one prophecy she could tell me. It is called

“Seven Visions of Seven Trails of the Incarnate”

and goes as follows:

First trial

On a certain day to uncertain parents

Incarnate moon-and-star reborn.

a birth sign, standard or ring of Nerevar, or his birth constellation

Second trial

Neither blight nor age can harm him

The Curse-of-Flesh before him flies.

Probably Corprus; maybe the Nerevarine can heal Corprus.

Third trial

In caverns dark Azura’s eye sees

and makes to shine the moon and star.

Cavern of the Incarnate, very secret

Fourth trial

A stranger’s voice unites the Houses.

Three Halls call him Hortator.

war leader who unites all Houses against a common foe – that hasn’t happened since the invasion

Fifth trial

A stranger’s hand unites the Velothi.

Four Tribes call him Nerevarine.

the Ashlanders, they are feuding as much as the Houses do.

Sixth trial

He honors blood of the tribe unmourned.

He eats their sin and is reborn.

House Dagoth or the Dwemer

expression means ‘atone for someone’s sins’

Seventh trial

His mercy frees the cursed false gods,

Binds the broken, redeems the mad.

One destiny

He speaks the law for Veloth’s people.

He speaks for their land, and names them great.

All Dunmer, hasn’t happened since Nerevar

For better understanding, I shall note Nibani’s interpretations in the text with a different color.

It is the sixth trial which sounds the most obscure. So far, all I knew was that the Nerevarine should lead the rebellion against the Empire and overthrow the Tribunal – but the Sixth House or the Dwemer – I do not see how either of them fit into the picture. And how would someone atone for their sins? Isn’t the crucial thing about atonement to do it yourself? I mean in law it is possible to pay a penalty someone else owes – but what good would it do if someone else were to suffer the punishment in their stead? – Never mind that I still haven’t understood what their sins are in detail (the Dwemer were ungodly and House Dagoth was either ungodly as well or they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and now spread madness and disease through all of Vvardenfell).

Or does ‘eat their sins’ merely mean setting right what they did wrong? But that is not atonement. Atonement means taking on the blame as well. But maybe that is just a translation problem – assuming that the prophecy was originally in the Ashlander language.

‘is reborn’ is just as cryptic and unsettling – the rebirth of Nerevar is after all already mentioned in the first trial. Maybe it means that the process of becoming the Nerevarine will only be fully finished at that point? Or does it imply that the Nereavrine must – perhaps in conjunction with this sin eating – undergo some metamorphosis…

Maybe logical thought won’t help me in this endeavor – these visions are the result of dreams after all – and the Nerevarine cult is known to embrace paradoxes.

24 Heartfire 427, Sadrith Mora

On my way to Mzuleft I stumbled over a vampire dwelling – I slew some of them but their aptitude for draining magic finally made me retreat with a Devine Intervention.

I will now go by boat to Dagon Fell. Unfortunately, I couldn’t take more of the vampires’ valuables – my funds have started dwindling again.

25 Heartfire 427, Mzuleft

In the early hours of dawn, after a track through the wilderness that grew – whenever do they not – much longer than expected, I have finally reached the ruins of Mzuleft – from the first appearance they seem to be less well preserved than many other Dwemer buildings I have seen so far. The towers don’t stand quite as upright as they once did. This might indicate damage to the structural integrity. I shall proceed with caution.

28 Heartfire 427, Mzuleft

Three days was how long it has taken me to defeat those damnable orcs who lurked in the ruins – or rather it took me this long to defeat them and then to recover enough to search this place – and the plans I found look identical to those from the tower next to Dagon Fell! But I found a most curious book so that these efforts might not be in vain after all… it was in Dwemeris – and if my meager translation skills gained from the Hanging Gardens are anything to go by it is called ‘The Egg of Time’ – it also includes graphics showing a Dwemer, a heart, and dagger and a hammer, it doesn’t look like a technical manual at all.

Balmora

Edwinna has sent me to Gnisis to get more Dwemer blueprints from a ruin that was discovered under the eggmine and is being kept secret. I also asked her what she made of this ‘Egg of Time’ – she was just as puzzled as me and referred me to Hasphat Antabolis. So now I’m back in Balmora and being here already, I should report my findings from my Ashlander meeting as well… but I feel reluctant. My employer might care about Morrowind, but I doubt he appreciates the prophecies the way I think I’m beginning to do. It’s not as if I owe him anything, I was entered into his service more or less under duress. Still… I should probably go – he is a spy after all and would find ways to get to me.

Hasphat doesn’t know what to make of my new find either. He says I should go and ask some old Telvanni about it – dare I try? I think I just might do it – if only I knew whom to ask.

My employer has sent me out to raid a Sixth House base and kill their leading priest called Dagoth Gares. A base I may add, that an entire legion patrol went in – but only one, by then corprus infected, trooper came out. Also, I don’t know…. how will I find out what their obsession with me is if I go and kill them? To me it sounds like nothing but a revenge mission to avenge those legionaries – not really constructive or anything. Still, once I feel prepaired I will go there. It is the first meeting place of theirs of which I know the location. Maybe I can get some answers there after all – even if there will be battle at the end.

30 Heartfire 427, Gnisis

I’m currently in Gnisis to fulfill Edwinna’s request. I don’t feel quite up to the Sixth House mission. My employer said it would probably be tough – and after Mzuleft I can use some less deadly endeavors.

Remembering Hasphat’s advice concerning Dwemer lore I ventured into the Velothi Tower in Gnisis in search of its infamous Telvanni resident – but I have to admit I lost heart after encountering not just rats, a couple of eerily abandoned rooms – one room that looked like a cage for people (hopefully for slaves – anything else would be … even more disconcerting) but also walking skeletons – who puts undead in a house where he lives? Well, and the door to the main room was locked and I could hear some magical experimenting going on – it was probably a bad time for a visit anyway (the locals warned me that Baladas generally dislikes visitors). Still, the entire house seems like the setting for some horror story.

After some trouble getting around the Imperial guards (one of which was a dunmer with an Imperial name!) I have finally found this Bethamez – I found plans for an airship as well as a book called ‘Divine Metaphysics’. Other than that these ruins don’t have much in store for the questing scholar – they are mostly collapsed.

1 Frost Fall 427, Ald’ruhn

Edwinna was very happy to receive the airship plans – she was delighted to find some shared principles between those and the scarabs – also the stammering Breton – I tend to forget his name – who built an airship himself (or so I’ve heard) might find them interesting. Edwinna and I also poured over this ‘Divine Metaphysiks’ for quite a while. With the ‘Hanging Gardens’ as reference we could translate much of the text, but it seems to be utter nonsense. Edwinna is convinced it is merely because the Dwemer who wrote this was crazy and didn’t understand the topic he was discussing – as there are some magical things referenced. But somehow I believe that explanation to be too simple.

During my journey, I have been studying up on Illusion magic – I think I’m making good progress (I’m using a weak Chameleon for practice – it’s harmless and doesn’t bother anyone – although this elderly womer next to me on the silt strider seemed to develop a nervous tick from my repetitive muttering and casting…).

Edwinna has raised me to the rank of Magician – and she did not ask for any dues like that hagraven in Balmora… oh, I’m using crude language – and admittedly Ranis is much more beautiful than a hagraven. But currently Edwinna doesn’t have any more jobs for me. As much as I have a bad feeling about it – I should go over to the Imperial Fort and ask Raesa Pullia what this Ilunibi-situation is about.

Champion Pullia told me of the incident with the troop that went into Ilunibi – she says the group encountered ‘half-men’ and ‘man-beasts’ and she seemed visibly shaken by having encountered the returning trooper and how Corprus had twisted him.

The more I hear about the situation the more I feel as if it will be a right nightmare – yet some horrible fascination is also taking hold of me – I want to know…

2 Frost Fall 427, Ramimilk (a Daedric Ruin)

Since my money is running low again and I’m not well outfitted for a dangerous endeavor at the moment I finally braved one of those Daedric Ruins as it is said that they hold many treasures. I found some cultists who attacked me but I defeated them. Indeed they seem to have some things of value – but the most precious items lie on their altar to – I think it’s Molag Bal they worshipped. I’m not quite sure if I should dare take them – I might incur daedric wrath.

Sadrith Mora

It… may seem cowardly, but I have chosen to follow my Dwemer investigation leads before going to this Ilunibi cave. I feel like it’s going to my execution – I want to have accomplished something beforehand at least… I wonder why my bad feeling is so strong. Surely it will just be another sort of aggressive things attacking me – I even braved a Dremora inside that Molag Bal shrine for goodness sake! And yet… for now I will concentrate on Dwemer – I’m in Sadrith Mora and plan on finding out which Telvanni have the greatest knowledge in Dwemer studies – or alternatively are most likely to speak with me…

3 Frost Fall 427, Tel Vos

I was told that Master Aryon had a Dwemer museum and was also one of the more progressive Telvanni. Still, my attempts to gain more knowledge on the matter of these strange Dwemer books have stayed futile so far – the hostility of everyone here is far too great. But I accepted to make a trip to the Zainab Ashlander camp for Aryon’s captain of the guards to find out how they could strike a trading deal with those Ashlanders. Maybe if I am successful it will open doors for me.

4 Frost Fall 427, Tel Vos

I found out that the Zainab have need of disease curing potions. Since Master Aryon can easily produce those, this information was considered good news by him and his guard captain. He was still too busy to really listen to anything I had to say and doubted someone like me would have any genuine Dwemer books that would contain something new – but at least I was allowed to visit his Dwemer museum – Edwinna would die of envy could she see it. He has a big collection of animunculi plans as well as a mostly functional centurion. Master Aryon told me also what he knew of Nerevar. According to Aryon, this mysterious moon-and-star ring was commissioned by Nerevar from a Dwemer enchanter in the employ of Kagrenac. It enhanced the ability to hold captivating speeches and convince people. It was also cursed to kill anyone but Nerevar should they try to wear it.

5 Frost Fall 427, Tel Fyr

I had heard rumors of a very secluded Telvanni Lord though I only got very vague directions. It seems I found his tower. I was greeted by ‘Beyte Fyr’ who introduced herself as the Lord’s lover – but said she was also ‘made’ by him and therefor almost something like his daughter, which she called an ‘awkward’ situation. That family seems to fit the worst of ‘dark elven promiscuity’ stories. Although they are usually just that: Lewd stories told by people with a kink but no respect for mer.

She also told me that Lord Divayth Fyr has a ‘Corprosarium’, a sort of care center for corprus inflicted people which he uses at the same time to hide his treasures within. She seemed oddly disappointed that there never was anyone truly skilled trying to get to the treasures and sounded almost hopeful when she outright asked me if I was there to loot their treasures.

Maybe this Lord Fyr can tell me something that can help me on this Ilunibi mission. He must know something about corprus after all…

This Telvanni Lord was honest and direct at least. He told me I was too boring to speak to. But the ‘Egg of Time’ did seem to peak his interest. He said someone called ‘Yagrum’ might tell me more. If I only knew where to find this person…

Ald’ruhn

After resting and a trip to the smith for repairs I’m now setting out towards Ilunibi – although first I will have to find Gnaar Mok. The scout I asked wasn’t very good at describing the way – all I understood was something like ‘to the west and at the coast’. All in all, I still feel ill prepared. I didn’t even get a better sword.

6 Frost Fall 427, Gnaar Mok

I found this village. It is yet another Camonna Tong controlled settlement. No one was eager to talk but with some patience I found out that Ilunibi is close to some place that orcs consider important. A rock called ‘Khartag point’. On the north of the island. The mer I spoke to warned me that I shouldn’t go poking around in Ilunibi since ‘someone might object’ – I get this feeling that they are far more in the know than they let on.

I will go there now. There is no more preparation I could get done here.

Ilunibi

I… I met a … being without a face – or more of a hollow face. I wonder how I managed to retain my wits at this sight – but as it – or they, for it appeared like a mer in all other aspects of its looks – attacked, my curiosity won out and after a fumbled try I managed to cast a calming spell on them and asked them who and what they were. But the being seemed in great confusion calling for some unseen master, asking where they were and pleading for someone to let them sleep – they barely seemed to notice me at all.

I… I had the strangest of meetings… I met Dagoth Gares, the priest I was sent to kill. He greeted me as Nerevar and offered me the friendship of the Sixth House. He had words from Dagoth Ur for me. He spoke of many things which I cannot recall word by word. But it was a startling mix of a bright and worthy cause and a horrifying nightmare – and even while I write, his dead body lies before me… it looks like a creature from oblivion – nay, even Dremora look less unsettling, but this… their bodies ‘swell to encompass their Lord’s blessing’ he said something of the like. What twisted creatures – and yet they share so strong a dream. I did not know what to answer him – and forced to declare for them or be their enemy I struck him down. It wasn’t even all that hard… and yet – with his dying breath he did something to me… some spell. “As the Master wills you shall come to him in his flesh and of his flesh.” Those words make my skin crawl… or is it whatever he cast on me? I don’t feel weakened or changed… and yet the spell felt potent…

what is this?! As I look on my hand holding the quill it seems as if it is shifting… as if worms are writhing inside it – like pox forming but fast enough for the eye to follow… it must be some form of illness… and it is working fast… I must find a temple for a cure – maybe I will return here later to unravel more of the mysteries this place holds… ‘A small place for the Sixth House servants to contemplate and to grow, to share the sacraments of flesh and blood and dream of their Lord’s dreams’ --- that’s what he said…

But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter!

I feel so strange…

7 Frost Fall 427, Fort Buckmoth

I… I do not know what to do… I used a Divine Intervention to get a cure… but when I entered the fort I met Pullia. She was appalled at my condition – explaining it was the same the legionnaire had gotten in Ilunibi although not as advanced. I’ve got Corprus. The priest at the altar confirmed it. Pullia seemed sorry and thanked me for my sacrifice but told me quite firmly to leave.

My bad feeling.. it is as if I knew this would end badly… but Corprus? I paid a brief visit to Fyr’s Corprosarium when I was there – just peering through the door – let’s say the men I killed in Vivec and in Tel Mora looked like healthy mer in comparison. I don’t want to end like that. I wish to die with grace – or better yet: Not at all! But there is no cure – an no matter what I have done in the past, I have always tried to be at least a decent person I cannot stay among people.

I shall go into the wilderness to die where I won’t hurt anyone – or maybe some miracle will happen. If I am Nerevar reborn I will survive this curse, right? Maybe some solution will come to me… but my hope has never been as dim as it is now…

8 Frost Fall 427, somewhere near the Ghostfence

The blisters and rashes are spreading. I have found my way to the Ghostfence – maybe it’s coincidence – maybe a morbid joke of my sub-consciousness has led me here to the border of Lord Dagoth’s lands. The constant hum of the fence… it’s strange and I think if I listen close enough I can hear the souls call out to me. But I do not hear their words. The ash storm here is constant. The air feels like despair.

Red Mountain

My fingers are so swollen I can barely hold the quill. A haze is settling over my mind… I know now I will die here… on Red Mountain (I crossed the Fence by Flying… is it that easy for Dagoth’s troops as well?) … a haze is settling over my mind, a haze of red – or is it just the storm howling its poisonous song to me? I am so lonely and I crave a voice that may speak to me even if it were just in my dreams.

I think I might have slept… there was the golden mask and words… I do not remember. But I was not alone. And something was there like memories of a distant past. Really, what I am now… it’s only right that it dies – this cursed Nord skin… I only weep for paths not taken, for hopes crushed. Nibani and Sul-Matuul… I have never been one for prayers… maybe that was my downfall now.

The wind, it sings… it sings. I shall seek shelter from its cruel promises. It is so harsh on my blistering skin…

Have I truly betrayed him? I think now I have – I was a master of the blade once. Even now it comes so easily to me…

Could I ever spill blood of one so true? The past is a fickle thing, ever illusive. The future, though, comes surely.

But we do not know in which guise.

Will I ever know truth from lies?

A garden for the children of Veloth. I saw it in my sleep – where is the way? I want to join the sowing when the new spring comes, but first the weed must burn

10 (?) Frost Fall 427, Red Mountain

I do not understand my own thoughts, but for one thing: I will die anyway and in an undignified manner at that (I saw many of the victims here) what have I to lose if I go to the citadel of Lord Dagoth Ur? Even if this is what he intended with this affliction – maybe he will cure me if I swear alliance or he will grant me death – is his cause really bad enough to fight against him? While I have no love for men myself? No war is fought by tender means – and what is fair to the wise might be a cruel and bitter sight to the fool – I seek higher things… maybe it’s destiny… if only I knew the way and if not my thoughts would escape me again…

[Here the records end. This note book was found abandoned in a cave on Red Mountain by a Buoyant Armiger, shortly before patrols into the Dagoth Ur region became entirely untenable and the forces of the Sixth House began their advance in full force. ]

Notes:

Feel free to leave comments! I'm probably not going to edit this story content-wise, so detailed criticism would probably be wasted - but thoughts or just language pointers (or an idea how I could get the mod to work ;)) are very welcome!

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