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She couldn’t hold on any longer. Tony watched as her fingers tightened on the metal keeping her from falling.
“You gotta let go I’ll catch you I promise!” He reached his hand out for her, she was about to grab on and- everything shifted.
She lost her grip.
All he could hear was her screams, piercing his eardrums. He watched her fall at least two hundred feet to the flames below. He couldn’t see her anymore, her body wrapped in the flames below, sending a knife into his chest, cutting his heart out and stomping on it.
He just watched Pepper die. He watched the love of his life die in front of his eyes. He couldn’t protect the one thing that he couldn’t live without. He couldn’t save Pepper.
“It’s a shame,” Tony turned around as a slimey voice swam into his ears. “I would have caught her” Killian showed off his newly grown hand. Tony saw red.
Tony ran to him, he could hear the unsteady bridge creak beneath him, but it passed through him like it was nothing. Killian began to pick up the pace as he stalked towards him.
Tony saw him begin to jump so he slid underneath. He was a genius and so he will be smart in being sure he is alive long enough to see that… thing… currently fighting him die.
He got into a suit, Doing hand to hand combat, harder than he ever thought he was capable of. Killian gained an advantage but before he could punch him, Tony ejected himself from the suit. Another caught him in time for him to fly back up and again try to kill him. He deserved it after all.
He never fought so hard in his life.
Killian was a strong fighter. He gained the upper hand, not after having a few blows but he still gained it.
“Well, here we are. On the roof” what Tony would do to go back to that roof in Switzerland.
Tony released himself from his suit as Killian cut it in half. He fell onto the hard landing below. He looked up, turning painfully, but never letting that man out of his sight.
That’s when Jarvis alerted Tony that Mark 42 was inbound. He was coming. He whispered to himself, “Well I’ll be damned… the prodigal son returns.”
Tony brought himself up to a better position, guiding the suit to him with an outstretched hand. Only for it to crash on hand railings before getting to him. He played it off, never letting down his cool demeanour. “Whatever”.
Killian opened his mouth again and the words that fell from it would stay with him till his dying hours. “You really didn’t deserve her Tony. It’s a pity, I was so close to having her, perfect.”
Killian jumped like a cat, landing on his feet before Tony who stood up with his arms in front of him. Tony hated him so much right now. He wanted to tear him apart, limb from limb. He wanted him to suffer.
Before he could, he needed to stop Killian from advancing on him. “Slow down, slow down. You’re right. I don’t deserve her.” The nightmares that haunted him since he and Pepper officially got together were riddled with that exact thought. Proven today as he couldn’t save her.
But Killian got one thing, very, wrong. “Here’s where you’re wrong. She was already perfect.” And she was. She stuck by him with unwavering support, since the moment she forced herself into his office and sprayed Happy in the face with Pepper spray. She was perfect, she was Pepper and for Killian to insinuate differently? The shade of red Tony saw only grew darker.
Tony summoned the broken Mark 42 back to life, sending it not to him but Killian. It surrounded him and forced him inside the enclosed space.
Killian was pinned to the wall, his eyes gleaming yellow as he couldn’t move. “Jarvis? Do me a favour and blow Mark 42.” That’s when the face shield flew on, silencing Killian's scream of protest.
Tony slid down a pole to the tarmac ground below, as the suit and the occupant inside was blown to smithereens.
Tony fell as the harbour around him did so as well. The helmet that should have held the person Tony hated most in the world landed in front of him. He peered at it, watching it rattle before it opened up. He wasn’t inside of it.
Emerging from the flames before him was a figure. Tony instantly knew who it was and hated it. How was he still alive? Why couldn’t Tony see the one man that deserved to die more than anyone else in the world, dead?
He limps towards Tony, who grabbed an object beside him, not knowing what it was. “No more false faces.” Killian spat out. “You said you wanted the mandarin… you’re looking right at him.” The most famous terrorist of the moment stood before Tony, after killing the love of his life? The next words that escaped his mouth were to be his last if Tony had anything to do with it.
And he would.
“It was always me Tony, right from the start.” He raised his voice. “I am the Mandarin!”
And that was Tony’s final straw. He put the glove of his suit, that was thrown next to him, on as he sent the object in his hand he previously picked up at the man before him.
For the nth time tonight, Aldrich Killian got blown up.
This time he didn’t rise again.
xxxx
Rhodey had brought the president to safety and called law enforcement and the fire department, who sought to try and put out the blaze.
Tony had been asked to leave several times but he adamantly refused every time. He needed to see her.
It was hours upon hours later when the body of Ms Virginia Pepper Potts was brought out. Surprisingly, she hardly had any burn marks. But still no pulse. She looked so perfect, what Tony would do to see a smile on her face once again. He needed her beautiful voice to day anything to him. He needed her. They placed her down on a stretcher and Tony ripped himself away from the police officers questioning him.
He hadn’t been much help anyway, he just kept replaying the moment over and over in his mind, trying desperately to work out what went wrong. How he could have saved her.
He knelt beside her, grabbing her still warm hand and placing a light kiss On her knuckles.
“I’m sorry Pepper. I didn’t save you, I didn’t protect you, I didn’t keep you alive. I never got to pledge my undying love to you often enough. I never helped you. I didn’t keep you safe. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Just please wake up… I need you to wake up, you scream at me all you want for unsigned contracts, I will even sign said contracts if it means you wake up. I would do anything for you. Please just wake up.”
Tony cried. Tony Stark, the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist broke down and cried. He felt as if his insides were being ripped out of his body, over and over again, his eyes constantly flashing the scene of her death because he couldn’t catch her.
The scream that left his lips as he get dragged off her body was deafening. It shook everyone's bones. He had to be physically restrained from going near her body bag.
xxxx
He hasn’t worn an Ironman suit since. For two years Tony Stark has barely shown his face in public. Most people last saw him at Pepper’s memorial service. He wouldn’t have done anything but sit in his garage if it wasn’t for Jarvis, Dum-EE, Rhodey and Happy.
They were the reason he ate, drank and that he performed basic hygiene.
One thing people didn’t expect Tony to do was to throw himself into his work, but he did just that. He was very involved in Stark industries, coming to meetings, but never press conferences.
He did it for her. Stark Industries had been run by Pepper Potts for years and he was not going to let her work go to waste. He would never allow that to happen. This was his way of honouring her.
He didn’t sleep at night. Nightmares haunted him till he woke up screaming, crying and barely being able to breathe.
Sometimes he remembered to take his anxiety medicine. But it was rare. He never forgot to drink, however.
December had always been a bad month for him. Haunted by his parents' deaths, but Christmas of 2012 was meant to be different. He had a girlfriend and they would be happy.
Mention the word Christmas around him and he breaks down. She loved Christmas, so much. She looked at snow like a child did, she looked forward to opening presents under the tree, and for him to see what she got him.
She died on Christmas.
xxxx
It was Spring of 2015.
The Avengers had invited themselves to Stark tower after a mission Tony refused to go on, forcing Tony to get ready for a party. One night is all the asked. He wasn’t ready. He hadn’t been to a party in years, and an Avengers party was the last place he wanted to be.
He agreed if he could leave after eleven.
They agreed.
The party started at eight on April 9th. Guests arrived, Tony greeted them, but mainly hung around the side of the room, reminiscing on parties past where he would see his at the time personal assistant, still being her amazing self.
She wouldn’t come to this party.
The clock struck closer to eleven, Tony was counting down the seconds. He was forced to sit with the rest of the Avengers as their guests left one by one. He wasn’t listening to what was going on, completely ignoring Steve’s efforts to speak to him.
Finally, the clock struck eleven and Tony immediately got up and started to walk away. Only for Natasha to call after him.
“You getting drinks?”
Tony rolled his eyes, were all his so-called friends, who ignored him till now, really that stupid? Tony turned to face them, glaring at them with murderous intentions “No it’s eleven meaning I can leave. Goodnight” he turned on his heel.
Steve followed him, grabbing Tony’s arm, forcing him to stop walking. “Stark.”
“Rogers”
“It's been two years. Move on.”
Tony’s blood boiled. Move on? The super-soldier that stared holes into Tony’s eyes was not drunk, being physically unable to do so. So what Steve said, he meant.
Tony punched him. It broke his nose and caused a bruise to already start to form beneath his left eye. Blood splattered everywhere. Steve tried to stop the outpour of blood with no success. Steve slumped against a wall, making Tony slightly taller than him.
“Don’t tell me to move on Rogers. I’m coping. But I’m not being a part of your little team gatherings. Especially not today. So I’m going and if I see any of you tomorrow I will kill you with my bare hands.”
“Why?”
“Because in forty minutes, it’s her birthday you intolerant shit.”
xxxx
The clock struck midnight. Tony sat on his bed on her side. His legs were crossed and his hands held her favourite picture of the two of them.
It was basic, Jarvis had captured it when it was one of the few days Tony went to the office at the time. He was sat in her chair, in her office. He was previously doing work, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. She had just finished a meeting and the two had the afternoon off. She snuck up on him and wrapped her arms around his neck with a smile. The picture in his hands held the moment when she kissed his cheek with a smile and Tony also smiled, eyes closed behind his sunglasses, automatically trying to hold the hand that hung around his neck.
He began to sing. “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to my darling Pepper, happy birthday to you.” He took a breath “I wish you were here with me.”