Archive of Our Own ^beta

The sun rose that fateful morning and the sun shone through your window, casting the light over your eyes. Opening them, you were met with the morning sunlight. Your eyelids felt heavy and your face had marks from the blanket on it. You got up, stretching your aching body as you walked over to the window. Yawning, you looked up and saw the sky. It was the crack of dawn, so you saw the beautiful pink, orange, and yellow colors that painted the sky. It reminded you of her. In fact, everything reminded you of her. She was the only thing you thought about that brought a smile to your face.

You liked her for a while, and finally decided to do something about it today. Better late than never, right? Julieta was your best friend, so telling her how you felt was kind of risky, but you didn’t want to miss your chance. She had just turned 21 and her mother was already trying to make her choose wedding candidates. You always got so jealous when Julieta’s mother, Alma asked her about her choices for a partner.

“So, have you found the special guy yet?” the woman’s voice echoed in your ears and it made you want to yell at her. You just wanted your best friend to make her own choices, not be forced into them. Every time Alma asked Julieta about future partners though, your eyes practically begged her to look your way and notice how you would hug her a little longer before every departure, or your intention when you held her hand but she never did. You figured Julieta just needed to be told straight up because god was the woman totally oblivious.

She always responded with a “I’m still looking” or a “maybe soon mamá” so it made you feel like there was still hope.

“Today’s the day, the day I’ll finally tell her” you said to yourself.

After all these years, you finally gained the guts to tell Julieta how you felt about her, and nothing was going to stop you. As you stared at the bright sun shining through the clouds, you contemplated your decision.

‘what if she says no? what if she doesn’t love me back? what if… she doesn’t like girls?’ You thought, worry plastered all over your face as you paced back and forth in your bedroom.

“No” you said, stopping in your tracks.

“I’m done being scared, done with the what ifs. I promised myself I’d tell her today, so that’s what I’m gonna do.” You planned you’d tell her tonight, after you finished working.

“Sounds like a plan self. You got this.”

Letting out a large exhale, you finalized your decision and walked out the door.

On your way to work you always deliberately walked through the plaza, to get a glimpse of her beautiful smile. You only painted houses for a living anyway, so it didn’t matter if you were late.
You smiled as soon as you saw her at her stand. The familiar sight of her light blue dress and peppered locks tied into a loose bun set you under a spell.

“Julieta!” you shouted happily as you passed her stand and waved. As soon as she heard you, her brown eyes frantically searched for the voice calling to her until she finally saw you, her eyes burning into your soul. Your heart skipped a few beats at her everlasting gaze.

She smiled softly. It seemed as if time was going in slow motion because in that very moment it seemed like there was nothing but you and her.

“Hola mi vida” she mouthed as she waved back to you.

Your eyes darted to her soft lips and they pulled into a small smile as she responded to your cheery greet to her. They looked so soft, so plump. A few curls fell over her face and her loose bun shook with her every move. Her small hands held the plate of arepas, the steam coming off of them and into her nose. She inhaled deeply, taking in the warm smell of her food, rolling her eyes in admiration of it’s aroma. Gosh she was so beautiful, it was almost impossible to resist her intoxicating beauty. She was always so warm and you felt safe with her. This was how being in love felt alright, and it hit you like a truck.

You stopped walking and just stared at her with the biggest smile on your face, people continuing to pass from every direction. Your heart fluttered. You’d do anything to hold her hand, kiss her soft lips and wake up next to her everyday.

As she continued to tend to the injured, you gazed at her with such an ‘i love you’ look, it was easy for anyone to tell that you were head over heels for the town’s healer.

She was already back in work mode, not noticing your eyes scan every little part of her appearance. The way she was so gentle with everyone and treated them so kindly made you love her even more. People began to watch you staring at the woman and you heard giggles and whispers but it didn’t matter. Because the only opinion you cared about was that of the woman that stood in front of you.

“Alright, time to get to work” you said, collecting yourself and making your way to the first house of the day.

“Gracias señora Guzmán!” You exclaimed as you received your tip from the final house of the day.

“Buy something cute for you and your boyfriend” she said with a chuckle.

“But I don’t have… a..” your voice faltered, your mind wandering to your best friend. Quickly grabbing your things, you thanked the woman again and made your way towards Julieta’s house. You checked your watch.

“Crap, it’s 8 o’clock already, Julieta just finished dinner, she’s expecting me.”

Everyday after work you went over to Casita to just talk to your friend about your long, exhausting day, that is how you two stayed so close after all.

As you finally reached the home, you were about to knock when the reality of the situation hit you. This would make or break the future of your relationship with Julieta. You gulped before inhaling and exhaling slowly, preparing yourself for any of the two possible outcomes. Knocking on the door, you took one last shaky breath before it slowly opened.

“I was wondering when you’d come” Julieta said as she looked at you and gave you a heart stopping smile, her head tilting slightly. The young woman stood there, hand on her hip, looking at you as if you were her spouse, waiting for you to come home. Except she wasn’t your wife. You could stare at her forever if you had the chance to. You smiled back, a light blush spreading on your cheeks. You looked like a doting teenager in love. It was so obvious. Looking at her, you got teary eyed, realizing how deep your love for this woman truly was.

“I’m sorry Juli, I had such a long day and I just finished painting my last house” you joked, raising your hands in surrender as you walked in. Were you still smiling? How could she do this to you so easily?

“Y/N mi vida, I have something I need to tell you” she said suddenly, closing the door behind you.

Your felt your heart rate pick up. She never got serious unless it was something important. “Okay” you responded. You tried your best to hide the fear in your voice but you couldn’t.
“I have something I need to tell you too. But you first, I’m sure it’s more important anyway” you added.

“Ay Y/N, what you have to say is always important too mi corazon. Come on, follow me” she pointed her head towards the kitchen as she walked towards it.

Following her lead, every step you took became became heavier and heavier. You kept telling yourself to stay calm and that it couldn’t be that serious. It was just the nerves that were building up, it was no big deal.

“Sit” she motioned for you to find a spot on the counter, next to the window. After you sat down, she stood in front of you and nervously fidgeted with the strings on her apron.

“So you know how mi mama is trying to get me to marry now right?”

“mhm” you nodded, palms starting to get sweaty. Had she found someone?

“Well I met this guy…” she paused, looking at you for approval “and I’m marrying him in 6 months. And to be honest, I think I love him.”

Your heart sank to your stomach. Did this mean it was too late? Too late to tell her how you felt? Your chance was gone, and you could never get it back. How could you ever let yourself think you had a chance in the first place? You were a women, and she wanted to marry a man. How could you ever think she saw you that way? You were just a friend to her and nothing more. Your eyes widened as you felt your face heat up. You wanted to cry right there.

“What! Who even is he?!” you exclaimed, trying not to lose your cool because you didn’t want to hurt her feelings. The woman gasped at your sudden outburst, nervously responding “It’s Agustín. You know… big nose, glasses, accident prone. He just moved into the encanto and-”

“I don’t want you to marry that guy” you said, cutting her off with a bitter tone.

“Porque? Is he a bad guy?” she came up to you, placing her soft hand on your cheek.

“You just- you just shouldn’t marry him.” Embarrassed of how this is going for you so far, you look down at your lap.

Julieta stood in front of you, pouting a bit. She looked down at you, trying to figure out why you didn’t want her to marry this man.

As soon as you did so tears started to flow out of your eyes. And you just let them fall. The woman realized what was happening and she gasps.

“Y/N? Mi vida, you okay? Why are you upset?” she says as she tilts your head up to look at her. Sadness and grief flowed through your veins because you weren’t going to get the girl. You weren’t going to get the happy ending.

Not being able to look her in the eyes, you push her hand away from you. It was so hard to do, because there was nothing you wanted more than to have her hands all over you. This sparked a soft gasp from her again, but she didn’t back down. She just wanted to know what was wrong, so she could fix it. You were her best friend, she’d do anything for you. Feeling rage fill you from head to toe, you let your heart take over.

“How can you marry a man you barely even know!” you yelled, making Julieta flinch a bit. You felt so bad for screaming at her.

The woman kept her composure, wanting to figure out what was wrong “Y/N I’m so confused… Do you not want me to be happy?”

You stood up from your spot on the counter and finally looked her in the eyes. You gasped, seeing her worried expression. She held her hands together, worriedly, as if she was waiting for an explanation. Her eyebrows were raised, her eyes open wide, and her mouth was slightly agape. She was so worried and you felt bad for putting her in this situation. You felt bad for loving her in the first place.

“Of course I want you to be happy! I’d put your happiness before mine without a second thought! It’s just that this is killing me because I love you!” your voice shook as you said this. Tears were now pouring out of your eyes, like a waterfall. Your lip quivered and your hands shook. Were you really doing this?

“I love you! I’m so in love with you and I have been for so long and it’s eating me up inside! I want nothing more than to live happily with you! Bake with you! Sing with you! Dance with you! Grow old with you! Die with you! Kiss you! Love you!” Julieta put her hand on her chest as she backed away.

“Y/N I-“ she reached out to hold your hand. Holding it tightly, she said the thing that would cause your absolute downfall.

“I’m sorry… I don’t love you in that way.”

As those words escaped her lips, you felt your heart shatter and your dreams disappear.

“I’m flattered, really but-”

You just backed away, furthering yourself from her grasp.

“Is that what you think this is?! Me trying to flatter you?!” You let out a loud sob. Just looking at her face made you want to rip your heart out. It would’ve been better if you just never said anything in the first place. You stood in the middle of the kitchen, your entire body shook with every move you made and your tears of sorrow fell to the ground below you, planting seeds of love that would never grow.

“But I get it” you mumbled.

Hot tears streamed down your face with every passing second. Your throat was dry and your eyes were filled with tears that blurred your vision.

“Not all love is two sided” you said as you grabbed your things and pushed past her, bumping into her as you ran out.

All of this happened so fast, and Julieta had no time to react. The woman was left speechless with your sudden heartfelt confession. She heard the sadness and anger in your voice. You wanted to love her so badly, and she had no idea. Were you really in love with her all this time?

“Y/N wait! Por favor! Y/N please don’t go!” The woman followed you until you were outside of casita. She grabbed your arm as you ran. You looked back at her, gazing into those big brown eyes that you loved one last time before you had to let them go forever. Julieta was going to get married, meaning a new chapter of her life would start and that sure as hell wouldn’t include you. It was going to hurt too much to see someone live the life you wanted with her.

She looked in your eyes and saw the heart shattering pain that was deteriorating your soul. You pulled your arm out of her grasp and started running as you wiped your tears away.
Julieta stood there, helpless. The woman dropped to her knees, her hand reaching out to your figure as it slowly faded into the darkness. She wanted to run after you so badly but it was as if she was stuck to the ground, her mother’s demands used as the glue that kept her there. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. She felt as if she was losing a piece of her, getting colder and colder as your distance from her grew. What would you two do when you got past this? If you got past this.

Running home, you thought about your desire to stay there with her. You wanted to turn back and embrace her so badly. You were running away from the place you wanted to be, but that was easier than facing the woman you so truly loved marrying someone else.

You were so filled with anger, with despair, with fear. Was this how it felt to get your heart broken? You didn’t even know who you were mad at. Julieta? Agustín? Yourself? The world? Fate? It was all too confusing, your emotions were too strong at the moment. As you ran home, you felt your steps get heavier. Felt your breathing get harder. Felt yourself getting colder. The warmth that completed you was missing.

Reaching the door of your home, you felt strangely tired, all while you were still crying. You tried your best to calm yourself down, only with the thought of the woman you loved so very much on your mind.

Reaching your room, you closed the door and shut it behind you. Leaning on it, you slid down and sat there. Tears continued to pour out of your eyes that were now puffy and red. The paint that was previously on your face was now melted into your tears, scattering all over your clothes.

Looking over at your dresser, there was a picture of you and Julieta smiling. You grabbed it and held it in front of you. She was hugging you tightly and you were laughing. In this photo, your best friend had such a big smile on her face. Her tan skin had formed a small blush and you stared at those beautiful lips of hers. They were always one of your favorite qualities. You held the frame in your hand, kissing the picture softly. It was one of your most prized possessions and you looked at it every night as you dozed off to sleep. Staring at this photo only made you want to cry more, so without thinking, you threw it across the room and you heard the glass shatter. You started hyperventilating at the thought of letting her go you and wiped your teary eyes once more. It was such a beautiful, happy memory that now turned into one that made you sad and want to drown in your own self pity.

You fell asleep to the sound of your sobs that night. Looking at all of the little notes she left you with your “surprise meals” you held them close to your chest and woke up with them crumpled in your hands, stained by your tears. You had heavy eye bags and your cheeks were still tinted pink. Your body felt an unusual soreness and stress, all of this was so exhausting, you had just lost your childhood best friend.

Everyday for the next few weeks, you started to see her everywhere. No matter where you were, she would find you, asking to talk. Every time she tried to talk, you ignored her, finding it easier to avoid your feelings than face them head on. At least you knew she cared somewhat.

Because of this though, there was nothing to look forward to everyday, no one to talk to and laugh with. If you could undo this, you totally would. Being near her everyday and loving her in silence was better than not having her by your side and her knowing about your feelings towards her. Everything you did reminded you of her. Every color you saw, every time you had a meal, every time you looked at the sky, you saw her in it.

Julieta had invited you to the wedding, but you decided not to attend for obvious reasons and she understood that. She felt guilty for the way she handled things that day, not running after you when you needed her most. She tried to shut out her feelings and focus on getting married to the man she claimed to love. Standing at the altar, she looked for you. Looked for your precious face that was engraved in her memory and when she didn’t see it, she felt a little piece of her heart chip away. Moving her attention to the man in front of her, she vowed to love him in sickness and in health, till death parts them. It was a statement that required an “I do” and it was something she didn’t want to say. But for the sake of the family and the miracle, she agreed to it. But did she really love him? It was a question she would be asking herself for the rest of her life.

Thinking back to that day, she hated herself for how she lied to you. When Julieta said she didn’t like you like that, it felt so wrong. It felt like she was lying and she just wanted you to see right through that, but you didn’t. She wondered how things would turned out if she was honest with you. Her heart longed for yours so badly, it almost hurt.

Should she have told you how she felt that day too? Or was it better to let you run off into the darkness, accepting that all hope was lost? Because in fact it had not been. Julieta was too afraid to say it. Too afraid to admit to herself that she loved you too, the entire time. And now she had already consented to a life she didn’t want to live, and that would forever be the woman’s biggest regret.