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He opened his eyes, and was surprised to see Jim already standing up, putting on his uniform, back facing him
"Good morning, captain" Spock spoke, monotone as always yet making no effort in hiding the grin at the expected surprised turn of his T'hy'la, his mouth ever so slightly open before it shaped into a smile
"Good morning, Commander" he soon regained his composture, returning the smugness before going to the closet and unceremoniously throwing Spok's uniform to his face (or that's what he meant as the Vulcanian catched it without a sweat)
"Remind me the curse again?" The captain said, non chalantly, as the other finished dressing up
Spock rose a questioning eyebrow "Alpha III, if I'm not mistaken"
"And you never are" he answered with an rather unusual lack of sarcasm as he went to peck him in the cheek. If Spock was capable of emotion, he'd be worried (except he was capable). He just shook his head while walking up to the door, Kirk still sitting on the bed
"I'll be heading to the bridge"
"Alright. One more thing, Spock"
'"Yes?"
Jim smiled, walked up to him still shirtless, held his hand and gave it a barely there kiss, with the kind of soft gaze Spock knew was reserved for him and him only
"I love you"
And that was the final warning Spock needed to press the botton in the communicator "Mr Spock to bridge, Captain Kirk and I have a situation. Put Mr Sulu at command until new instructions"
"Wha-"
"Aye aye, Commander, is there a problem with the ship?"
"Marely a.... ventilation problem, Mrs Uhura, nothing of importance. The captain and I will take care of it"
Jim stared in utter disbelief as the connection shut down, yet not acting against it "Spock? What the hell was that?"
"An strategic move to gain us some time" he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe
"Time for what?"
"For you to explain what is bothering you, of course"
"There's nothing bothering me" he spat, crossing his arms under his chest. He only got an eyebrow raise as a response "There isn't! Seriously, this should count as mutiny..."
"Kirk, you just said 'I love you'"
"So? You're my boyfriend"
"... We've been in a formal relationship for 3 years, 6 months and 14 days. We've known each other a total of 7 years and 2 days. And in this entire time, have you rarely expressed your sentiments towards me verbally, much less with the words 'I love you'"
Jim opened is mouth as if to bark back, but didn't. Instead he looked at the side with squinted eyes, as if the wall was to blame for his lack of protest. He opened his mouth a couple of times more before finally saying with a hidden air of shame "I... hadn't realized that"
"This is not a complaint, captain" he rushed in, almost betraying is cold facade that even here he refused to take off fully "after all, it'd be hypocritical on my part, and being quite honest I rather our relationship this way. I work with evidence, observable facts, and I guarantee you that your actions are, and always have been, more than enough to demonstrate that your feelings towards me are genuine... I hope mine have been aswell"
"They have" he said without skipping a beat, and it took all of Spock's will power to not kiss him then and there. Instead, he cleared his throat and continued with the matter at hand:
"However, from the times you have expressed these feelings verbally, 97.69% have been in cases of high stress and a palpable danger. Therefore is very likely this is the same"
"I guess that makes sense... though we've had a week without any violent encounters, that's gotta be a record"
"No, the record is two weeks and a day. But the point stands. I've been talkingt to Dr. McCoy in hopes his expertise in human behavior could- Jim? are you listening?"
"No, no, I am, it's just- you talked to Bones? For me?" His attempts to hide his growing smile were close to none
"... Do not mention this to the crew, it was hard enough to convince the Doctor to conceal this fact and I will deny it if questioned" he tried to pretend his cheeks weren't green and that Jim's amused face wasn't the most beautiful thing he's ever seen "may I continue?"
"Sure" he said with a grin that could be heard. Spock sighed
"As I was saying- he explained to me that humans tend to see unusually long periods of peace as a predicament of danger. A 'peace before the storm' he put it. Even without any evidence to support this, it would make sense for someone who is used to danger- say, a captain of a stellar ship that has an average of 4 violent encounters a month- to take calm as a bad predicament. Therefore, you perceive a danger that isn't there. And before you answer with all your years of training and experience, you do realize that said danger isn't real. I know you wouldn't act upon it if it came to your ship. But that doesn't mean that the worry isn't there, or that it doesn't show... specially when your feelings and thoughts can be felt by someone you have a telepathicbond with"
"... I'm starting to really hate this mind bonding thing" he simply said with a sad smile. Jim sighed and looked at the sweater still on his hand, passing his thumb along the Delta pin, already starting to rust "I have a ship and 300 people to worry about. And I think it was easier the first years, when I was still young and stupid and felt like nothing could ever get to us. But then it did. And again, and again, and again. I'm tired of going to funerals, Spock. And I know that by all means you're the one who will come to mine, but... the idea of going to yours..."
"Jim, the chances of that-"
"Aren't equal to zero, are they?"
"...no..."
"Well, as long as they aren't, I can't not worry about that"
They stayed in there, Spock staring at Jim from his place, non of them daring to talk. Jim could make fun of Spock for his lack of understanding of emotions, but both of them knew he was just as reluctant to express and process them as the vulcan. A defeated sigh broke the silence, as Jim rushed to finally put on the last bit of his uniform, with his practiced "head up eyes down" posture, and stared to walk past Spock
"Sorry, we shouldn't be talking about this, the crew is gonna get worried if we-" he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder, soft but firm. Neither of them turned to see the other
"We'll be fine. I will be fine. I won't let anyone take me away from you"
"Spock..."
"I guarantee you that, with the same confidence I guarantee the gravity of a planet will pull you to its center" he spoke, monotone, firm, yet with the unsaid emotion and confidence overwhelming the captain for a moment. The hand gave a gentle squeeze on his shoulder.
"... I can't fight against that logic" he smiled, soft and sincere, before pulling him into a proper hug. Spock let out a light snort, nuzzling into the crack of his neck
No more words were exchanged. Kirk separated from the hug with after a quick peck on the lips by his boyfriend, gently slapped his own cheeks, took some breath and poped off this chest with the practiced confident smile Spock had learned to love as much as his real one. All the Vulcan did was rise an eyebrow only his dear human could decipher, and stepped away to let him out of the room. He'd stay for a while, to "not rise suspicion" (Most people by now already suspected of their relationship, and it wasn't anything illegal, but it was fun seeing how much time they could have plausible deniability)
They'd have this conversation again, they both knew that. But for now, they would keep on their masks and play their roles for the rest of the world