Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When I awoke, I wished I hadn’t. I couldn’t remember the dream I had, but it felt good. It made me feel appreciated, warm, and loved. Waking up to face reality gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach, but no matter how hard I tried to remember, the dream wouldn’t come back.

“Good morning!” Ordis greeted me cheerfully. “My Operator has left for a syndicate mission on Earth. He should be back soon.”

“Earth?” I sat up, groggy and already in a bad mood. “Why didn’t he wake me up? I’ve wanted to go there for weeks.”

I knew it wasn’t the same as it was where I came from, but Earth still felt like home. The nature, even with how changed it was, dirtied and polluted by Grineer influence, it was still beautiful. The smell of fresh air on earth would always remind me of my home. But there had been a lot to do for Emilian, so he told me to wait, that he would take me to Earth once he had the time. A syndicate mission on Earth didn’t mean he had time, but he still could have at least told me.

“Forgive Ordis for overstepping, but you always look much more peaceful and happy while asleep. My guess would be that my Operator simply didn’t wish to disturb you.”

I sighed. “It’s okay, Ordis.” After a moment, I sank back down, not feeling like getting up just yet. “Would you mind playing Ghosts of Void for me, please?”

“I’d be happy to,” the Cephalon happily obliged, starting the requested song that Emilian had scanned during a mission in the Void somewhere.

I picked up the portable computer pad to check my inbox for any new messages. I rarely got any, some I exchanged with Ordis since it made him happy to get mail, but most I exchanged with Kaelli and Kermerros from Deimos.

Neither of which had replied to me in days.

They’re busy, I kept telling myself. They’re scientists, they make things. And they’re infested, living on a moon overrun by the infestation. They have more important things to do than check their mail all the time.

Knowing that, I still couldn’t tune out the other voice in my head that said, I bet they’re just sleeping. They’d rather sleep and dream about their past than talk to you. You’re just a burden, a needy human who wants their attention all to itself. They have better things to do than keeping you entertained and happy.

Emilian probably enjoys his time away from you too, it kept talking, overstaying its welcome, and yet I was powerless to it, unable to send it away. You’re just a needy parasite clinging to him, a lost stray in need of care. Poor boy has a lot of responsibilities on his shoulders, you’re only adding to it. He probably didn’t tell you about his Earth mission because he wanted some time alone. He probably thinks you’re pathetic and annoying. Everybody does, they’re just kind enough not to tell you to.

The voice eventually quietened down. I felt heavy in every way, unable to get up. Pulling the blanket over my body once more, I sighed. “I’ll sleep some more.”

“...Are you alright? Ordis can’t help but notice that you sleep a lot more than usual. Are you getting ill, perhaps?”

I smiled, albeit sadly. It was sweet to hear Ordis cared. “No, I’m not sick. I just… I don’t know what else to do. Sleeping is a nice way to pass time. I’ve been having a lot of nice dreams.”

Now you’re starting to sound like the Entrati, the voice snickered.

Ordis still sounded concerned, but he dimmed the lights for me anyway, turning down the volume of the music a little. Hoping for a happier experience in my dreams, I closed my eyes and tried to relax.

… “Back so soon already?” he laughed, “I’ve missed you too. Come, let’s continue where we left off…”

I smiled.

With every night spent in this world, my dreams kept getting more and more real. They all started in the same way, and I always heard the same voice whispering my name, telling me things I would forget once I awoke. I could never fully remember these dreams, but they left a deep ache in my chest for the remainder of the day, until I would go to sleep once more. Every day went by like a slow torture; what once had been exciting and fun had turned into a routine of lonely self-loathing.

My friends barely had any time for me anymore, all of their focus fixated on missions, plans and each other. I was just sort of along for the ride, often finding myself getting lost and arriving late for extraction because of it. That was, until I decided to just stay on the Orbiter altogether, wallowing in self-pity. Not even Ordis could cheer me up anymore. His attention on me was short lived anyway—as soon as his Operator, Emilian, came back, he would forget all about me. Even while Emilian was away, Ordis would keep watch on him to ensure everything was going smoothly.

Which was a good thing, don’t get me wrong; it showed how much the ship Cephalon truly cared, and I’d hate for something to happen to Emilian.

So I slept.

I wanted to visit the Entrati family on Deimos, see if maybe talking to them would help. They spent most of their time sleeping inside their infested flowers, memories of their lives before everything went to shit keeping them company. I thought that, maybe, I could talk to Kaelli and Kermerros about my problems, but I wouldn’t be able to handle it if they ended up being uninterested in what I had to say. They had a lot to deal with on their own, I felt like I didn’t have the right to add my own problems to the pile.

Ordis seemed to have a similar idea though, as I overheard him talking to Emilian about going to Deimos one day, “They seem to be feeling unwell as of late,” the Cephalon spoke quietly, “Perhaps paying the Entrati family a visit would cheer them up?”

“Unwell?” Emilian repeated, confused, if not a little concerned, “Are they ill?”

“No. Well, not physically, at least,” Ordis replied, a little hesitantly, “They spend a lot of time sleeping, and Ordis can’t remember the last time they laughed. They haven't been eating a lot either, I— Ordis is worried.”

They were quiet for a moment. “Let’s set course for Deimos, then,” Emilian decided eventually. I could feel the Orbiter starting to move as it ignited the engines, a slight tremor running through the ship and my guts, before settling into comfortable quiet once again. “Do you think I should… talk to them?”

“That sounds like a good idea, Operator.”

It was nice to know they cared, though I didn’t know how to feel about Emilian not having noticed a single thing amiss with my behavior. He had a lot on his plate, so I couldn’t really blame him. I knew I could just talk to someone about this, but I already felt like a bothersome leech, I didn’t want to make it worse by complaining or whining.

The door to the room I was resting in slid open, and I didn’t have to look to know it was Emilian. Not only was he currently the only other person physically residing on the ship, but the awkward, hesitant aura emanating from him was enough to tell on him.

He stood still for a while, and I didn’t really feel like moving. For once because I didn’t have the energy, but also because I had no idea what to tell him if he asked what was wrong. How was I supposed to tell him that I felt deprived of… well, attention? That I felt lonely and unimportant, and often wished I could just go back home? I knew Emilian couldn’t really help with that.

So we were both just awkwardly breathing the same air for a little while longer, until I heard him walk away, the door sliding shut behind him. I let out a breath, mixed with relief and disappointment. Relieved that I didn’t have to open up, disappointed that I let the chance slip away while I could have easily grasped it.

“Salutations, Ayatans of the Entrati! It’s good to see you again.” Kermerros’ greeting warmed my heart, making me genuinely smile for the first time in a while. “Have you been well?”

“All things considered, yeah, could be worse,” Emilian chuckled, “Good to see you too.”

I didn’t want to interrupt, so I stayed quiet, letting them exchange some more words and trades before Emilian excused himself to do a few bounties for the family. I never joined him for those since I couldn’t be of much help, and Emilian worried about my physical wellbeing all the time.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Kermerros leaning forward in his flesh-flower. “What about you, little Ayatan? How are you doing?”

The unexpected question and his genuine, soft tone alone made me tear up—already a bad start. I cleared my throat, trying to blink the gathering tears away as best as I could. “Oh, you know. Could be— could be better, but could be a lot worse too, right?”

Kermerros hummed. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, too embarrassed about crying in front of the biologist. When I felt something very large press against my left arm, I jumped and looked to see what it was, my breath hitching when I saw Kermerros’ right hand resting there, applying gentle, comforting pressure to my skin.

“I have to feed my specimens,” he murmured, “Would you like to join me?”

I couldn’t have stopped the sob crawling its way out of my throat if I tried. “Yes, please.”

“Come meet me on Lua. I will be waiting for you there.” The words kept echoing in my head all day. The voice was familiar, and while I could barely remember any of my dreams, I knew it had to come from there. Never before had it followed me outside of dreams, and it drove me crazy.

Was it real? Was someone actually trying to meet me on Lua? Or was I just finally going insane?

I’ve been thinking and gulping down cereal for about half an hour, until Emilian came walking past. “We’ve decoded the message,” he said. “We’re heading for Lua, that’s where the signal originated from.”

A few hours earlier, Emilian had returned from a mission in which the Lotus had picked up on a strange, encoded message. As per usual, the Tenno had to travel far and wide to get a stronger signal and put it all together, and then leave it to Lotus and Ordis to decode the damn thing.

To hear that it originated from Lua made me lose my appetite, so I set aside the leftover cereal and barely managed to swallow the bit that was still in my mouth. “Oh,” I said, a complete understatement of what was going on inside my chest and head.

I was bouncing my leg during the whole flight, palms only getting sweatier the more I wiped them on my thighs. I jumped when Ordis worriedly called my name, asking if I was alright.

“Fine. I’m fine. Just… worried about any Sentients showing up, I suppose. They’re— They’re pretty scary,” I stuttered out. It wasn’t even a complete lie—Sentients were pretty scary. Terrifying, actually. Adapting to Emilian’s attacks, building up resistance to them… I got scared for him every time.

“I’m sure everything will be fine,” Ordis spoke reassuringly, “My Operator is very capable in a fight, you won’t have any reason to worry!”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yes, I agree. Thanks, Ordis. I feel a bit better now.”

When we landed, I felt like throwing up. I rarely followed Emilian through missions, but there was no way I could stay on the ship when I had to know whether my dream was real or not.

“Stay close to me, alright?” Emilian called, waiting for me to catch up with his warframe, which wasn't easy; all of the warframes were taller and more athletic than me, but faster than any of them (aside from Volt, probably) was Nezha, Emilian's favorite frame to use. “I don't want to lose you.”

“I can't make any promises, but I'll try,” I said, chuckling nervously, “If I do get lost though, Ordis will probably have my location.”

“Ordis will keep a close eye on you,” the Cephalon chimed in helpfully.

“Good,” Emilian said without missing a beat, “I gotta focus on finding the signal. Lotus said there’s some Corpus and Grineer here, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Sentients show up as well.”

“They always show up on Lua,” I muttered, mostly to myself, since Emilian was already starting to walk away. I did my best to keep up, or at least not lose sight of him. I wondered whether warframes had endless stamina with how much he was running, sliding and jumping around.

As we went deeper into the old Orokin structure, I started hearing a faint tune. As if someone was playing on a church organ with a gentle choir. “Is that music?” I asked, once Emilian finally stayed in one spot for more than two seconds. He looked around as if only now hearing it.

“You’re right, that’s music. Where’s it coming from?”

We kept walking deeper, trying to follow the tune as it got louder and clearer. “And how is it still playing? Isn’t this place… very old? And falling apart? Why does it still look so intact?”

Emilian quickly pushed me behind a wall when a group of Grineer crossed our path, making quick work of them while I looked away. One thing I would never get used to was the killing, and how easily people did it in this world. Emilian was an expert at it, which was pretty disturbing, but not his fault. As far as I knew, the Orokin were responsible for pretty much everything fucked up around here.

“Well, the Lotus hid the moon away for a while to protect the Tenno. I was asleep here for a long time, until Hunhow and Shadow Stalker showed up. I’m guessing that the place was kept fresh by being veiled,” Emilian explained once he was done clearing the halls. “Besides, Orokin architecture and technology was made to last eternally, just like them.”

Another few doors further into the old, golden halls, and we finally reached a gigantic room with a pillar in the middle and several platforms around it. “It’s beautiful,” I breathed, looking around with wide eyes. “Ordis, can we play this on the Orbiter? I want to listen to this again sometime.”

“I can replicate these sounds without problem, yes,” the ship Cephalon replied cheerfully. Only now did I belatedly remember that Ordis probably did not have very good memories regarding anything to do with the Orokin, nor did Emilian. Perhaps Kaelli had a set of headphones to spare for me.

There was an Orokin console to activate a mechanism, and when we did, a few circles lit up on all three platforms, a female voice vocalizing with them in a specific order.

“Ohhh!” I gasped, “It’s like Simon Says! Didn’t think the Orokin would have something like that.”

“Simon Says?” Emilian repeated, confused.

“Yeah, like, it gives you something to repeat after. Like sounds and colors in a specific pattern that you need to replicate. It usually gets harder the longer you do it.” Turned out it wasn’t like that for this puzzle, though. We only got one melody to replicate, and once Emilian did (by jumping on the specified, lit-up platforms to activate them), there was a sound coming from the very top of the cylinder, and then the whole music shut off.

“Oh,” I sighed, disappointed, “Well, that’s sad.”

“Yeah…” Emilian looked up. “I think the reward is up there. I’ll have a look, you stay down here.”

I watched as he jumped and ran up the walls, wishing it were as easy as he made it look. As I waited and hoped not to get surprised by any Grineer, Corpus or Sentients, something started to pull at my mind. It began as a small tickle that made my neck tingle, until I had to turn my head to see if someone was standing behind me. An echo sounded in the now quiet golden halls, and I wasn’t sure whether it was real or just in my head.

A voice. The voice. The very same voice from my dreams, and the one that had told me to come here.

I couldn’t have stopped myself from following the echo if I tried. And I did try. Emilian said I should wait here, and I knew I should listen to him. It would be stupid to leave this spot and go elsewhere without his knowledge.

But Ordis said he would keep an eye on your location, a small voice in my head reminded me, it will be fine.

After I took the first step away from the great music hall, I couldn’t stop walking anymore. The voice grew clearer the further I walked—it was smooth, vibrating in my guts and at the back of my head, turning my brain and heart into mush. It was the voice of a man, but while it sounded incredibly familiar, it was also that of a stranger. The harder I tried to remember a face or words, the harder it got to grasp onto anything.

“Come closer, dear. Come and find me near the lunar pitcher field.”

The voice tickled my insides so deliciously, I could hardly keep my knees from buckling. I knew lunar pitchers were flowers growing on Lua, probably the only flowers too, but I had no idea about any field. But the voice kept calling out to me, pulling at my heart as if a string was attached to it, and so I kept walking to where it wanted to guide me.

Faintly, I wondered why neither Emilian nor Ordis were trying to find me, but the voice quickly droned out any and all surfacing thoughts.

I walked until I reached a room with a glass ceiling, letting in beautiful, white beams of light. And underneath was a round, beautiful field of lunar pitchers, all seemingly glowing like little lightbulbs. I let out a small gasp at the scene, unable to stop myself from getting closer.

“There you are.” The voice was right there. It was strange how it sounded closer than it had before, when it was speaking directly into my mind. Now it was right behind me, sending a pleasant shiver down my spine. “I was anxious about whether you would come.”

I swallowed heavily, feeling like my throat was glued together. “You… You were talking to me. In my dreams.”

Steps came closer until I could feel a tall presence right behind me, the heat of its body warming up my back. “Yes, I did.” A hand, larger than anticipated, was placed on my hip, feather-light yet searing hot, burning my skin in a way that, miraculously, didn’t hurt at all. “You were lonely, and so was I.”

How did you know I was lonely? I wanted to ask, How did you end up in my head?

And also, Are you insinuating that we’re not lonely anymore?

But my mouth wouldn’t move and my heart was beating so fast and I really wanted to turn around, but at the same time I was afraid to put a face to that voice.

“Don’t be scared, little dove,” he spoke soothingly, his warm breath fanning over the back of my neck. “I’m not here to hurt you; I’m here to help you. Lift you out of that bottomless, dark pit you’ve fallen into, and guide you back towards the warm light.”

He had placed both of his hands on my hips now, and the sensation made me dizzy.

“Turn around, dear.”

Something about his voice made me listen, the same sort of string attached to my insides and mind as when it had guided me here. It was scary, but it also felt like a cushion that made you want to just close your eyes and let your body sink into it.

My first thought upon facing him was “he’s tall.” My second thought was “he’s wearing a stretch wrap dress.” And then I looked up at his face, and his pale eyes held mine tightly in place. His face looked more symmetrical than any other I had ever seen—perfect and beautiful.

“Hi,” I breathed, feeling like my lungs were too full and yet too empty at the same time.

He smiled. “Hello.” I felt one of his hands leaving my hips to instead gently stroke over my cheek and jaw, before cupping it. Only now did I notice his blue skin, thick hair that had been artistically pulled into a neat bun, and his long, big right arm. Just like the Entrati family. He was Orokin. But how? And how did he know about me?

His gaze wandered to something behind me, his smile never falling from his perfect dark lips. “Shall we go, my dear?”

I frowned and turned around, gasping at the sight of what could only be described as a bright portal that had definitely not been there before. “Go where?” I asked.

“Somewhere better,” was all he said, seemingly amused at my puzzlement. A rich promise, coming from a complete stranger who could visit dreams, apparently.

He took my hand into his larger one, gently guiding me towards the portal. Something inside my head started to scream at me, demanding I should ask more questions, that I shouldn’t trust a mysterious stranger with big promises, that I shouldn’t leave Ordis and Emilian behind like this—

Ordis and Emilian.

It was already too late. We had entered the portal, and as I turned around, I could see Emilian standing several feet away with an outstretched hand, calling my name. As I lifted my arm to perhaps try and grab his hand, or at least wave him goodbye, or maybe even try and stop the portal from closing in some way, the sight of Lua disappeared, and so did Emilian.

“Don’t worry, darling,” the Orokin man cooed, his voice washing away my fears and sorrows like a warm ocean wave, “You’re in good hands. I will keep you safe. We both shall not be lonely anymore.”

A shudder went through my body, and suddenly he didn’t feel like a stranger anymore. I smiled up at him, my friends and problems already forgotten. “Yes, Ballas.”

Chapter Text

“What do you think, dear?” I looked up, surprised Ballas was asking for my opinion on something.

“About what?” I asked, unsure what he meant.

“I need ideas for new warframes. You've proven to be full of bright, colorful imagination on several occasions now—you might have just the thing I need.” It was like he was handing me a big, empty canvas, expecting me to fill it with art no one had ever seen before. Something worthy of the Orokin's time and funds.

“I— I don't know if I—” My gaze dropped to the floor, unable to keep up the eye contact. Ballas was intimidating, no matter how patient or gentle he was towards me most of the time. I knew what he was capable of.

“Don't let insecurities or doubt get in the way of creativity,” he advised me, tone still patient and pleasant. “Anything might be of help.”

I let out a long breath as I thought, gaze wandering around the room until, eventually, it fell on the shawzin decoratively hanging on the wall. Tilting my head to the side, I hesitantly suggested, “What about… music?”

I looked at him then, to see his reaction. When he didn't immediately decline the idea, instead lifting an encouraging eyebrow, I went on to elaborate, “Using music as a weapon. As a distraction, or, somehow, as a destructive power. Many possible melodies, perhaps all offering different effects.”

Leaning forward, I let the ideas flow further. “The frame will probably need both hands to fight, so perhaps it can deploy an instrument to aid it in battle. A carrier that moves around the field freely, actively seeking out hostiles. A powerful bass to damage them, something like drums to guide allies or draw in enemies, vocals or a melody to boost allies’ abilities. Something to amplify the sound, make it stronger.”

Ballas listened attentively, not once interrupting me as I spoke. Once done, I expectantly met his eyes, awaiting his final judgment. I was rather proud of my idea, but he was the one who had the final word. He knew what the Orokin technology was capable of, after all, and whether an idea would be useful at all.

His eyes were slightly glazed over, focused on something only he could see, most likely imagining what I had been describing to him. Eventually, he smiled.

“I knew I made the right choice when I took you in,” he praised. “Such a beautiful mind, so full of surprises.”

“So, you like it? You think it will be possible to make something like this?” I asked.

Ballas stood up, straightening his clothes. “Yes, dear. You'll find that anything is possible, you just have to be clever and patient enough to find a way.”

He started to turn towards the door, perhaps to talk to the people he usually talked to about his warframe commissions, but then he paused. I watched as he bent over, freezing in place when he pressed his lips to my forehead.

“Keep the ideas coming,” he murmured, “Tell them, paint them, write them—whatever you need to do. Nothing will be completely useless, anything can be used in some way. Your ideas shall be acknowledged and made eternal.”

Chapter Text

Ballas, who'd barely been looking at me before, now seemed entirely fascinated with something on my left side. He rose from his golden throne, stepping closer until he was practically towering over me. I bowed my head, fearing for my life, hoping that by showing respect he would take mercy on me. Whatever he had in mind could not be good.

“May I have a look at your left hand, my dear?” It wasn't a polite request as he made it sound, anyone would know that. He was Narmer, and Narmer didn't ask for things, he took them.

Shakily, I raised my left arm up until my hand was hovering high enough for him to see. I was confused, but my gut already knew what was coming. It made my eyes sting with hot, unshed tears.

Ballas took my hand into his own—the larger one, of course, making me feel even smaller—turning it around slowly and gently, his thumb rubbing over my fingers. “What a beautiful ring,” he said, voice sickeningly sweet, “I wonder who gave this to you?”

I felt my stomach sink to the floor, feeling a cold, invisible blanket settle over my shoulders, making my teeth chatter and knees quake.

There was no way he couldn't feel my hand shake inside his hold, but it almost seemed like he was enjoying this—my fear, my utter helplessness, the power it was giving him.

I couldn't tell him the truth. I was afraid of what he'd do if I did. But what could I tell him? That it was a gift from a friend? Family? That I was widowed? Something told me that he would be able to see through any of my lies, and if he did, the outcome of this encounter suddenly looked a lot, lot darker.

He was waiting patiently for my reply, a small smile on his lips that appeared curious and innocent, but making him far more malicious and sadistic in the process.

I swallowed heavily, blinking away tears as best as I could—crying in front of Narmer would be the most shameful, humiliating thing I could do. I could and would not give him the satisfaction.

“I— It's from my hus— husband,” I managed to choke out. It wasn't the whole truth, but it also wasn't really a lie. Kermerros had gifted it to me one day, saying he's had someone make custom rings for us both, perfectly fitted for our hands—his much larger one, and my much smaller one. It had been the first ring to truly fit my finger, as most had either been too big or too small.

We never officially got married, but after putting on these rings, it had been clear that that was what we were. I've always worn that ring ever since.

Ballas had most likely been expecting that answer, and yet he still seemed surprised. “But your husband isn't here right now, is he?”

I shook my head. No, Kermerros was still on Deimos, hopefully safe and sound. Well, as safe as one could be on Deimos.

The blood drained from my face as I watched Ballas slowly slide the ring off of my finger. My first instinct was to grab it and rip it from his hands, uncaring of the consequences, because he had no right to take it from me. But I thought better of it, knowing Kermerros wouldn't want me to risk my life over a ring.

“Our love runs deeper than material things such as jewelry that can easily be replaced, don't you think?” he'd said as he smiled, reassuring me that if I ever lost the ring, he would not be upset. Afterwards, he told me about how he'd actually lost his engagement ring during a hunt back when he wasn't infested. He later found it in an avichaea nest, who seemingly liked to collect shiny things.

But this ring was what got me through so many nights, reminding me of what I loved, that I was loved. Whenever I'd look at it, I'd think back of all the times I visited Deimos and spent time with the Entrati son. The fond memories are what kept me going.

And Ballas was taking it away, smiling so pleasantly as if he were simply borrowing a pen.

“If you are to stay here with me,” he said, voice still patient and pleasant, yet laced with a dangerous undertone that would not permit any sort of arguments, “I wouldn't want you to think of someone else. You are safe here with me. I can provide you with whatever you desire. All I ask for is for you to forget about this,” he held up the ring. “Are we clear, my dove?”

Horrified, I could do nothing but watch as he gave the ring to one of his servants. Were they going to destroy it? Melt it? Throw it out the window? Because why would he keep it around?

“Are we clear?” he pressed, tone lowered and harsh.

As quickly as the fear and horror had settled in, it was muted out by the sense of detachment that washed over me. Some voice told me that this would only be temporary. There was no way Ballas would bother finding this husband of mine, especially not if he found out he was on Deimos. One day, he would get bored of me and I could go back. Maybe he would be overthrown by someone brave and strong enough to face him. Until then, I'd just have to keep my head down and smile and nod to everything Ballas said.

“Crystal clear,” I said.

He could take Kermerros' ring away, but he could never take my love and memories.

Chapter Text

“No, please—” I was barely walking on shaking legs, only moving because of Erra pushing me forward. “I don't need it, you know I don't need it! Please, Ballas, please don't make me wear it!”

The Orokin was standing a few feet away, smiling at me like nothing was wrong. I didn't know whether it was supposed to be comforting or if he genuinely saw nothing wrong with this situation. Perhaps he even enjoyed it.

“I know, darling,” he cooed once I stood in front of him. He had been tall before, but even more so now with his new legs. Erra moved away to retrieve the Veil, while Ballas put his hand on my back to keep me close.

“It's better this way,” he said, “I can see you're unhappy with the way things are. Wearing the Veil will help you find peace during these times.”

“I— I can be happy like this too,” I sobbed out, feeling weak and hopeless as I watched Erra return with the golden mask in his hand. I reached up almost blindly, barely seeing through the blurry mess of tears, finding Ballas' face and holding it desperately in both of my hands—I was surprised he even let me do that. “I'm happy to be with you, I'll stay by your side through all of this, I promise! Please don't do this, Ballas, please…”

I blinked, vision clearing a little, seeing his eyes soften. He held my gaze for what felt like an eternity, tilting his head a little to lean into my palm.

“Please don't make this harder for me, love,” he whispered. His large, right hand went up to hold the back of my head, his long golden fingernails gently scratching over my scalp.

He always played with my hair whenever I got anxious. I hated that it always worked.

I stood still as he moved away from me, taking the Veil from Erra and holding it up. It took a second for me to realize that he expected me to take it and put it on myself.

“It won't hurt,” he reassured me with a smile, “Not if you don't fight it.”

My body felt numb as I took the Veil into my hands, its smooth golden surface cool against my sweaty palms. I took a deep breath, averting my gaze from the mask and searching for Ballas' eyes once more. He watched me expectantly, his warm smile still in place.

I felt the cold of the metal travel up my arms, making them tingle as I lifted the damned thing to my face. As soon as it got close enough, it started to vibrate and shake in my hold, trying to escape it and latch onto my face like a parasite. Golden particles of light beckoned me closer, kissing the skin on my face and turning it magnetic.

I didn't want to let go, but eventually it became too difficult to keep it away.

It fit perfectly, as if it had been made specifically for my face. There was a bright light shining into my eyes, burning itself into my brain, burrowing deep into my thoughts and memories.

“Stop fighting it,” I heard Ballas say from somewhere far away, and yet his voice was clearer than everything else.

I did my best to relax, trying to accept the intrusion and welcome it into my thoughts despite how terrified I felt. A wave washed over me, wrapping a warm blanket around my mind as it showed—

Showed me the truth.

I sobbed, but this time it was from the pure joy I felt, the relief of letting go. “All as one,” I laughed, and it sounded so wonderful. Ballas felt closer than ever, and I loved him for everything he had endured and what he had done for us—for me.

I blinked, eyes still stinging from the bright light and my tears, looking up at the Orokin man. He was beautiful, smiling at me with such gentleness as he put a finger under my chin. “All as one, my love.”

Chapter Text

Glassmaker Nihil wasn't the most comfortable conversation partner, you were making no effort in making him believe the opposite, and yet he didn't seem to notice your unease at all, too caught up in his tales of being an Orokin judge, which involved turning people into Cephalons, or making them face the Jade Light.

His tone of voice was lowered, like he wanted this to be an intimate conversation, and he was standing too close to be respectful. Just how interested did he think you were in him and his profession? Had you somehow given him the impression that you were attracted to him?

You hummed distractedly, still trying to be respectful, because Nihil was still very much an Orokin, with a high-ranking position, no less. You were in no mood to face The Seven for being aloof towards one of their esteemed judges. Your eyes flitted across the room, stopping at the familiar figure of a certain Executor.

Now there was a high-ranking Orokin you wouldn't mind talking to, because as unsettlingly dangerous and composed as Ballas could occasionally be, he was still nicer company than Nihil. Ballas could read the room better than anyone, always ten steps ahead, but at least that meant he knew when to leave someone alone.

He must have felt your gaze on him, because he turned his head, quickly catching you looking his way. You managed a quick smile before averting your gaze once again, heart galloping inside your chest. He hadn't even done anything, and yet you could feel your hands getting clammy. There was something dangerous about Ballas, something hiding behind that pleasant, polite smile of his, and yet he intrigued you. You preferred his company over anyone else's around here. He seemed like someone you wanted on your side, and definitely not on the opposite.

“Judge Nihil, if I may?” That voice sent a pleasant shiver down your spine, making your heart jump. Nihil finally stopped talking and turned towards the Orokin Executor. “I believe their presence is required elsewhere.”

Ballas' tone was polite and patient like always, but you could tell he was leaving little room for argument.

“If you must, Executor.” Nihil wasn't exactly happy, but not too bothered either. He gave you a short nod as goodbye, which you gladly returned, relieved to finally be free of his presence, before eagerly making your way towards Ballas. The Orokin led you away and around the corner, and when you looked up at his face, he was quick to give you a playful, knowing smile.

“Thank you for saving me,” you whispered, giddy and nervous.

“It was my pleasure,” Ballas said, oddly genuine. “I know all too well what a stubborn bore this man can be. And even if that weren't the case, I couldn't have possibly ignored your cry for help.”

It wasn't the first time Ballas had saved you from an uncomfortable social situation either, though the previous one had been a bit more serious.

You'd been a suspect of thievery, about to be taken into custody, if it hadn't been for Ballas. He must have seen the whole thing from afar, before ultimately deciding to step in, vouching for you as a witness and as a well respected and feared Executor. You'd been let go in a matter of minutes.

Weeks after your interaction with Nihil, the judge approached you once more. Your hope that it would be just a quick interaction quickly died once you realized he intended to keep you company. Yet, it wasn't exactly friendly company.

There was something about him that made the hairs on your neck stand up and your muscles tense. There was a dangerous undertone to his words and looks, something that told you he wouldn't take ‘no’ for an answer again.

“Sometimes I can't help but wonder,” he suddenly started, casually leaning against a nearby wall as he watched you work (you wished you could send him away), “what would be left of certain people, if I were to turn them into glass.”

Your blood ran cold, heart stopping for a second. His tone hadn't changed and he was still smiling casually, but his eyes were too sharp as they bore into yours. It was a warning, a threat. If you continued to be uncooperative, this could end badly for you.

“And I sometimes wonder what it would be like to trap certain people into inanimate objects and put them inside children's playrooms.” You turned your head, relief flooding your chest like a hot cup of cocoa. Ballas entered the room with a calm appearance, yet a clearly threatening aura. Unlike Nihil, it didn't scare you. He went on with a pleasant smile, “Just what would happen to your soul if that object were to shatter into a million pieces?”

You could practically hear Nihil scowl. “What do you want, Ballas? Why do you keep involving yourself in matters that do not concern you in the slightest?”

Ballas stepped in front of you as if to shield you from Nihil's gaze, his larger right hand held behind his back giving yours a discreet, reassuring squeeze.

“Oh, but it does concern me, and it should concern you just as much,” Ballas said calmly, “Because if I were to expose you for glassmaking outside the court, who in their right mind would still trust your judgment both in- and outside trials?”

It didn't take long for Ballas' well thought out words to shatter Nihil's confidence, until the Orokin judge finally left. This would be the last time you saw him up close.

Chapter Text

Because of having been hidden away in the Void for a long while, the Moon had a few anomalies. These anomalies being time portals in the form of void clouds. Emilian had told me about them after doing a spy mission on Lua, which had apparently been extremely confusing because of all the back and forth switching between the past and present.

I didn’t think I’d ever come into contact with one myself, and I didn’t really want to either. Time travel was scary, after all.

“Could you help collect some lunar pitchers for me?” Emilian had asked me some day as we orbited the Moon. “I need some for the Twilight Apothic.”

Of course I agreed to help. How hard could it be to collect some moon flowers, right? Emilian would run around the place to clear the area of Grineer and Corpus, possibly some Sentients as well, so I wouldn’t have to worry about being shot in the back. Hopefully.

All was well, I had already scanned ten lunar pitchers and was about to head back to extraction when I walked into a turquoise-black cloud as I turned another corner, stumbling back and squeezing my eyes shut. A wave of sudden dizziness washed over me, making me sink to my knees with a gasp, clutching my stomach. It only took a few seconds for the dizziness and nausea to pass, so I opened my eyes and got up.

Only to realize that my surroundings had drastically changed. Instead of the Lua I knew that was at the verge of completely falling apart, the Orokin architecture collapsing bit by bit, suddenly the broken walls and ceilings were… fixed. The golden decorations were shiny and no longer covered in dust and dirt, the lights weren’t flickering anymore, and… everything looked completely intact.

Oh no.

Oh no.

I hastily activated the comlink. “Ordis? Emilian? Do you read me?”

There was no reply.

Fuck.

I spun around, trying to spot the void cloud I had walked into. From what Emilian had told me, it was supposed to still be there, but I couldn’t see anything. It wasn’t there anymore.

FUCK.

Was I stuck here now? In the past? In the Void? What was I supposed to do?!

I was so distraught and focused on how the fuck I was supposed to get back to the present that I didn’t hear the voices and steps closing in on my position until the door near me slid open.

The conversation died down as soon as I was spotted, and a man demanded, “Who are you? What are you doing here?”

I spun around, heart leaping into my throat before dropping to the floor in horror. Those were Orokin people. A man and a woman. I recalled Emilian telling me a few things about the Orokin, and one thing was that they were absolutely not known to be merciful. The merciful punishment was the Jade Light, which basically pulverized you with a laser. Or something.

In order words, not merciful at all.

“I— I’m, uhm. I’m just—” My grip on the codex scanner tightened, reminding me why I was here in the first place. Desperately, I pressed out, “I’m just here for the lunar pitchers!”

There was a beat of silence, but to my utter surprise, the Orokin’s faces lit up with recognition. “You’re the florist! Of course, I’ve heard about your nervous nature from Archimedean Margulis. Claudia, would you excuse me for a moment?”

The woman nodded and walked past me, her sweet perfume filling my senses, and the man motioned for me to follow him. “Right this way, please. She’s been waiting for you.”

Who? I wanted to ask, but bit my tongue to keep quiet, knowing I shouldn’t push my luck. It was a miracle they even believed me, a true wonder that they had been waiting for a florist.

The Orokin led me through several rooms and great golden halls, some of which were occupied with even more Orokin people. I could feel some of their judgmental and curious gazes burning into my skin, barely managing to keep my head held up high to at least look like I’m totally supposed to be here for an important reason, I’m not suspicious at all, and I’m definitely not at all terrified out of my mind, thank you very much.

The architecture had been impressive before, but now that it was all new and intact, it was even more beautiful. My neck started to hurt after twisting and turning it around so much to take it all in.

Eventually, the tall man stopped in front of a door. A smaller one than the ones before. “She’s in here. I recommend arriving early next time she hires your services, I’ve heard Executor Ballas is quite protective of her. You do not want to get on his bad side.”

Ballas?! “Oh, yes, of course. Thank you.” I bowed my head to show my gratitude and respect, watching as the man walked away.

I took a breath, pondering whether I should actually enter the room or not. I really shouldn’t—I couldn’t risk messing up and getting executed for being an awkward, unwanted guest. I should be looking for another void cloud to get back to the present day, but to my absolute horror, I was already reaching out to knock on the door.

“Come in,” called a gentle, feminine voice. I watched myself open the door and step inside the room. It was small, at least compared to the great golden halls I was used to, decorated with several plants and pictures. It was cozier than I had expected.

“Uhm,” I said, intelligently, “I’m here because of the lunar pitchers… But I feel like there was a misunderstanding.”

The woman turned around. She was tall and beautiful, her skin a beautiful brown, eyes pale yet kind. She looked at me for a moment, then she smiled. “You’re not the florist I was waiting for, but perhaps you could give me your honest opinion on something anyway.” She waved me closer, so I shuffled towards her.

There were different flowers placed in beautiful white-golden vases, all standing in a line on a table. “What do you think?” she asked, so genuinely curious and respectful that I felt like I was actually a professional who’s opinion mattered.

“You mean, which of these looks best?” I asked.

“Yes,” she nodded, “it’s for a wedding.”

“Oh…” I turned to her, grimacing apologetically, “I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask, I’ve never even attended a wedding before.”

She only smiled. “So? I’m sure you still have a preference.” She nodded her head towards the flowers.

I sighed and looked at each vase, biting my lip as I considered each arrangement. “If the wedding goes with the usual Orokin color scheme of white, black and gold, then I would probably take white flowers. Like this one,” I pointed towards the vase with a mixture of lunar pitchers and what looked like white roses. “The lunar pitchers give a beautiful glow, so I’d definitely keep those for the wedding. I heard white is the color of innocence, hence the white dress bride’s usually wear—at least where I come from. So… yeah… that’s my opinion.”

She was quiet for a while, apparently thinking over my words, before giving me another warm smile. “Thank you. I will take it into consideration.”

“I hope you’ll still ask for the actual florist’s opinion,” I joked.

“I shall,” she said, before leaning closer and whispering conspiricially, “If she ever shows up.”

It made me chuckle, and her grin made me feel a lot more at ease. Until the door behind us opened. “Margulis, have you seen my pen anywhere?”

That voice. I knew that voice. Deep and alluring, soothing yet dangerous.

The woman—Margulis—only smiled wider, giving me a playful look before turning around to address the man. Her lover.

“I have, indeed.” She pulled it out from somewhere and held it out for him to take. “You left it on my desk this morning.”

I turned around slowly. I was afraid, but of what, I couldn’t exactly say. That he would somehow know I was from the future? That he would hurt me? That he would somehow recognize me?

Ballas’ expression was gentler than I had ever seen it before, and at this moment, he looked like any other man talking to the person he loved. The scene was weirdly domestic, something I had never expected to see from someone like Ballas, nor from Margulis. It felt like I was watching something private and secret, something I shouldn’t be witnessing because of how intimate yet innocent it was.

Once Ballas had retrieved his golden pen, his pale eyes wandered over to my awkward self, raising one of his eyebrows. “And who might this be?” he asked, tone polite. He straightened himself a little, putting on a more professional appearance, something he probably did when dealing with anyone other than Margulis. I felt a little bad for intruding on their time together, even though I had been here first.

Margulis put a calming hand on my elbow as if noticing my sudden wave of anxiety. “Someone who got mistaken for the florist I had called for.” Her hand gently squeezed my arm. “Though I am grateful for the misunderstanding, I quite enjoyed their company.”

Ballas’ expression eased a little, his posture relaxing. It was barely noticeable, but I could feel my own shoulders sag as the Orokin man no longer saw me as a threat. He really seemed to trust Margulis’ judgment.

“How curious,” he smiled. “How did that happen?”

Both were looking at me now, waiting for me to explain, and I almost choked on nothing as my heart started heavily pounding against my ribcage. “Uh, I, uhm… I was sent by my friend to scan some lunar pitchers, but I got lost, and then someone asked me who I was and what I was doing here. I panicked and told them the truth, and suddenly I was promoted to the position of florist.” I rubbed the back of my neck, smiling nervously.

I was quite honestly surprised at how non-suspicious everyone was of me. One would think the Orokin were very selective in who they let into their midst. Perhaps they were so confident in their security and punishments that they didn’t expect an unwanted outsider to actually get in?

To my surprise, the couple chuckled at my story, making me feel a little less awkward. Ballas’ gaze wandered down to the codex scanner I was still clutching in my hand, and I wondered whether these devices had been invented yet or not. “Well, did you get what you came here for?”

“I— Yes, I did. I was about to head back, but then I got lost.”

Ballas hummed. Margulis had turned around to arrange the vases some more, before straightening her clothes with a sense of finality. “I’m afraid I have to leave; I need to check on the Zariman children.” Something flickered across Ballas’ expression, but it disappeared before I could pinpoint what it was. She gave me an apologetic smile. “It was nice to make your acquaintance.”

“Indeed, yeah, agreed,” I blabbered, “Thanks for being so nice to me.”

She gave Ballas a quick goodbye-kiss, at which I turned my head away to give them some privacy, before leaving the room. The silence was deafening, and I dearly hoped that he hadn’t changed his mind about me now that his kind lover was gone.

Eventually, Ballas motioned towards the door. “Shall I escort you out?”

My heart jumped with fright. “Are— Are you not busy? You're an Executor, I wouldn’t want to waste your time.”

He smiled, similar to how Margulis had smiled earlier—playful and teasing. “Well, we can’t have you getting lost again, can we? Margulis would never let me hear the end of it if I simply left you to your own devices around here.”

This Ballas was so different from the one I had heard about that I didn’t know how to feel. Perhaps he didn’t turn truly bad until after Margulis got executed?

“Alright then,” I agreed, stepping forward and through the door after realizing he was politely letting me go first. “Thank you for taking the time to save me from my horrible orientation skills.”

That earned me another deliciously deep chuckle. He led me through many beautiful and large rooms, all designed to impress and show off the Orokin's riches and status, talking to me and asking occasional questions all the while.

Eventually, Ballas opened a side door which had previously been locked. I got nervous, thinking that perhaps he was planning to do something bad to me now that we were alone, but he still had this soothing secretive smile, like he was letting me in on an amusing secret no one else knew about. So I entered the room, watching as he closed the door behind us.

There were several lockers filled with treasure and some Ayatan sculptures, most of which were missing their star pieces.

“I've come across a rather mysterious thing recently,” Ballas said, “and I couldn't help but wonder whether you would know anything about it.”

“Why would I know anything about something not even you know anything about?” I asked, nervously wringing my hands together as I watched him walk over to a corner. There was something hidden underneath a white cloth, either to protect it from dust or to keep it unseen.

“It appeared for the first time about a week ago,” Ballas explained, “It didn't take a scientist to figure out that it was closely related to the void. Quite impossible to make sense of, and works in mysterious ways. I couldn't make heads or tails of what to do with it, watching it disappear and appear in the strangest places. Of course, my first thought was that it had something to do with the Zariman survivors, but there was no clear connection other than void energy.”

He stood next to the cloaked thing then and turned around, as if presenting a piece of art to me in a museum. “And then you show up, clearly lost and from somewhere far, far away. You carry traces of void and time on your person. I wondered…” He tugged at the cloth, making it slide off and fall to the ground right by his feet. It had been held up by a golden clothes hanger, but more importantly, there was a void portal. The very same I had stumbled through earlier.

Ballas took in my reaction with a knowing smile. “I take it that you recognize what this is?”

“...I do. It's what brought me here.”

“Fascinating.”

I didn't understand. How could Ballas possibly have come to this conclusion in the short time we knew each other? How could he have pieced the puzzle pieces together so quickly? How could he tell I wasn't from around here? It made him a lot more terrifying than I had initially thought, because smart people with power were truly dangerous.

“I couldn't interact with it in any way, sadly,” the Orokin sighed, before giving me a smile I didn't know how to feel about, “But at least now I know what it is.”

He stepped away from it, waving his hand at the portal invitingly. “Go ahead.”

I knew he was probably scheming something, that I shouldn't just do what he told me to do, but I did want to go back to my own time where I didn't have to worry about being found out by the most entitled and murderous people in the galaxy.

“Do feel free to visit again some time,” Ballas said suddenly, oddly genuine, “Margulis seemed to have taken a liking to you, and I myself would love to hear more about you and your time.”

I swallowed, a mixture between giddiness and wary fear welling up inside my chest. “I'll think about it. Thank you… for your help.”

As I stepped into the swirl of void energy, the familiar and sudden wave of dizziness knocked me off my feet, until I found myself staring at the cracked ceiling.

Once the nausea had subsided, I sat up and looked around. Ballas was no longer there, the Ayatan sculptures were all gone, and the lockers had been raided. The room was dark and dusty, a far cry from the luxurious appearance from just mere moments ago.

When I stood to leave the room, I noticed a single vase filled with three lunar pitchers on a small, golden table. There was no note, but I knew it was meant for my eyes to see.

Chapter Text

Filling the shoes of the Operator wasn’t easy.

Now that Emilian (the original Operator, usually without a name but I had to call him something) was weakened and needed a lot of rest, I had to step in and do things in his stead. As the person who had been connected to him from another universe, where this whole world was just an online multiplayer game. It was so much more now, and there was a lot at stake.

I didn’t know how to fight, much less kill. The enemy I faced was never nice, of course, but they were alive, and they were people. I had never taken a life before, and I hadn’t planned on it either. It was clear that the Lotus wasn’t too keen on letting me do anything, but I had to gather parts for a blueprint for a device that was supposed to get Emilian back on his feet.

Everyone’s expectations were high. Despite Emilian being young and often a snotty brat, he was still well trained in what he did, and he had a lot of experience. Meanwhile, I could barely find my way around any area without help.

“You’ve been here before, Operator,” Ordis informed me kindly, “Try taking a right turn.”

“Fucking shit,” I muttered, ready to throw the towel with how frustrated I was with myself, but knowing I couldn’t give up if I wanted Emilian to take over again any time soon, “Thanks, Ordis.”

The ship Cephalon wasn’t very keen on having his Operator replaced either, of course. Abandoning Emilian and calling anyone other than him his “Operator” was the last thing he’d wanted to do, but Emilian had insisted the Cephalon should help guide me through everything. While Ordis was hesitant to accept having a new Operator (even if only temporary) at first, he had still been patient and kind to me. While Lotus was away, Ordis’ voice would guide me through every mission’s map, telling me what to do and how to do it.

I didn’t know what it was that Emilian saw in me to put this much trust into a complete stranger, but whenever he’d looked at me, his gaze went soft and warm. “You can do it, I know you can,” he had said while holding my hand, pushing a fraction of his powers into me so I could borrow it until he would feel better. With them, I wasn’t able to control a Warframe, but I could protect myself and get around faster. Of course, it took several attempts under Ordis’ and Emilian’s guidance until I had gotten the general gist of how to use these abilities.

“The first console is nearby, Operator. I recommend using your secondary weapon once entering the security room, to avoid alerting any nearby enemies of your presence.” Grateful for the advice, I switched to my secondary just as Ordis recommended. It wasn’t like I had no idea what was happening; I’ve played the game before, after all. I’ve been through a generous amount of spy missions, so I knew how they worked. That didn’t mean I was particularly good at them, especially not in real life, when my life was actually at stake, and everyone actually counted on me to get what we needed.

There were green lasers moving around the room at a steady pace. Vaguely remembering this security’s mechanics, I looked for a vent to get around them safely. The problem was, I hadn’t gotten used to using this new, borrowed strength coursing through my veins, and if I took too long to open the vent, the lasers would detect me. And I was very bad at working under timed pressure.

Noticing the direction I was looking at, Ordis spoke, “Good thinking, Operator. A small push should be enough to get past that grid.”

I was in. I’d managed to sneak past the lasers and get to the console. Now I only had to successfully hack into it. Easy Peasy.

“Yess!” Ordis’ celebratory hiss made me jump slightly. “Well done, Operator! Now, onto the next console—it’s not too far from here.”

“I wouldn’t be able to do it without your support,” I smiled.

I’d done it.

I was back on the Landing Craft, hacked data successfully brought back and identified.

Blood dripped from my hands as I walked, the soles of my shoes stained with smeared blood, leaving dark red footprints all over the ship. I expected Ordis to complain about the gory mess, but the Cephalon had gone uncharacteristically quiet ever since retrieving me from the extraction point.

I’d run into some enemies on my way back from the third console, triggering the alarms. As I escaped towards extraction under Ordis’ guidance, Corpus enemies came flooding to my position, leaving no time to disable the alarms. I hadn’t wanted to, but I had no other choice than to raise my sword—Emilian’s sword. His borrowed power had come with a few memories to guide my muscles through the motions. If I thought too hard about it, I wouldn’t be able to do it; I had to let my body do what it wanted to do when wielding a weapon I’d never held before in my entire life.

So I had closed my eyes, listening to the gurgled and distorted screams around me as the sword in my hands sliced, and sliced, and sliced through flesh and metal as if they were made out of butter. Warm blood splattered onto my hands, face and clothes, the smell making my breath hitch and my stomach clench with nausea.

Once I opened my eyes, there were bodies littered all around me, a few were still in one piece, but most had been brutally sliced apart. The blade’s original colors had become almost unrecognizable, as it was completely covered in blood.

If Ordis hadn’t told me to keep going, I probably wouldn’t have made it out. Not because of the enemy reinforcements, but because I had gone completely numb, my mind shutting out any outside sensations to keep me from panicking or passing out.

I let Emilian’s weapon clatter to the ground, before following suit and landing on my knees. My chest felt tight, my hands were shaking, I could barely see what was in front of me. There was a high-pitched ringing in my ears, a cold-hot shower running down my back and making my teeth chatter.

Ordis called my name, tone soft and laced with concern, “It’s over, you’re safe now. You did so well out there. Don’t worry about the mess, I’ll clean it up—no problem at all!” His voice helped in keeping me grounded, making me less numb. I could smell the ship’s interior, could feel the floor underneath my palms and pressing into my knees, could feel the warmth coming from the air conditioning.

“That’s it,” Ordis said, again speaking my name instead of the usual ‘Operator,’ “Keep breathing, slow and steady, in and out. You’re doing great.”

I could feel the ship vibrating, something making my stomach drop as if I was on an elevator. “I’m bringing us to a safe location on Earth, you can wash off the— the dirt there and get some fresh air. Does that sound nice?” I appreciated Ordis avoiding the word “blood.”

“Sounds good,” I managed to croak out, gasping for air as slowly as I could. Once we landed, Ordis opened the exit for me so I could get out and to the stream of water. It was cold and refreshing, the sun warming my skin and birds singing in the distance. It may not be the same Earth as from back home, but it was still home. It felt familiar, unlike all the other planets we visited in the solar system.

Most of the blood washed off nicely, but some stuck to my skin so I had to rub and pick at it to come loose, especially from my nails. I could forget about washing it from my clothes; I’d have to find something else to wear until I could wash them properly. I felt a lot better, my chest a lot less tight and my teeth had stopped chattering completely. My legs and hands were still a little shaky, but at least I could walk and breathe again.

I turned around to the Landing Craft patiently waiting for my return. “You remembered what I said,” I mumbled, knowing Ordis could still hear me through the comlink, “You knew bringing me here would help.”

“Of course,” he said, “Ordis has a very good memory.”

“When you’re ready to return, remember to input the data into the foundry so it can build the vitaliser for the Operator,” Ordis reminded me gently. It was touching to know that he was ready to give me the time I needed to calm down, despite wanting Emilian back on his feet even more than I did.

Chapter Text

Emilian awkwardly sat down beside you, his legs dangling off the edge alongside yours. He cleared his throat, “So… you're, uhh… you're into Kermerros…?”

You froze.

How. How did he know? How did he find out? Was it obvious? Did Kermerros know? Did the rest of the family know? Void, if any of them knew, you would just jump off this infested moon and never return.

“It's not really obvious, don't worry!” he quickly tried to reassure you, apparently noticing your inner panic, “I don't think anybody else noticed, least of all Kermerros himself, unless he can read minds or something. He's more focused on his specimens to notice anything like that anyway, I think.”

He was probably right about that. You wondered whether Kermerros would even be remotely interested in having a love life, especially with someone like you. Or, well, you specifically.

“Then, what gave it away?” you sighed.

Emilian shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with the topic, despite having started it in the first place. Maybe this was the first time he's had this sort of talk and he just didn't know how to go or feel about it.

“I don't know. You were just really eager to hunt on Cambion Drift whenever we were near Deimos, and when we talk to Kermerros or if anybody mentions his name, your face just sort of… lights up. Your eyes get more focused, like you're soaking up every word. You smile a lot around him, too, and your hands get all sweaty.” He pulled a face at that, which made you snort and lightly slap his arm.

“So, it is pretty obvious,” you concluded.

Again, he shrugged. “I wouldn't say that. It's probably because we spend so much time together. I just know you.”

You hummed, watching as Emilian lazily shot down a tendril drone before it could get too close.

“So,” Emilian let out huff, “do you like him, yes or no?”

You buried your face in your hands, a mixture between a groan and a laugh escaping your throat. “Yes, Emilian. I like him a lot. I can't stop thinking about him. You happy?”

He stayed quiet, his brows furrowed as he stared off into the distance. Thinking this was the end of the conversation, you let your back rest against the stony ground, letting out a sigh.

And then, “But he's so big. And in a— some sort of infested flesh flower. How's that gonna work? Does he even shower, or brush his teeth? Does he eat?”

Turns out you didn't know the answer to any of these questions.

*

Kermerros knew you liked him. How? Well, aside from your symptoms, he'd also overheard you talking to the Tenno, Emilian. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, though it wasn't really his fault they both seemed to think he was still fast asleep in his flower, when really, he was busy stitching a green velocipod plush.

You'd mentioned them to be your favorites, due to their gentle eyes, so he wanted to surprise you with a small gift. Something to take along on your journey, whenever you were away. Something to remind you of Deimos. Of him.

“You have unique taste in men,” he heard Emilian say as you got closer to his flower. “Orokin and infested? And so much bigger, too. And bound to a flesh flower growth…”

“I get it, I get it! We've already been over this! No need to rub it in,” you muttered, “It's not like I can just control where my feelings fall. It just happens. Besides, I don't care about all that, if anything it's only an added bonus. Somehow.”

“So what you mean to say is; you like 'em big, infested and incapable of walking?” Emilian joked, which was followed by a muffled slap and chuckled “ow!”

He heard you sigh deeply. “I just… I love hearing him talk, and I love hearing about his research, his specimens, his past life… I see how gentle he handles his animals and it makes me feel all mushy inside. I enjoy talking to him and, yes, I enjoy looking at him a lot too. I look forward to coming back here every time we're away, and whenever we're somewhere else I get reminded of him somehow, or I try to find something he might like or need.”

Kermerros felt bad about listening in, even if it wasn't exactly his fault, but what you said made him smile.

“Sounds pretty serious,” Emilian said, “So, are you gonna talk to him about it?”

“I— I don't know. I don't know if he's even at all interested in having a love life, much less with someone like me. Well, me specifically. I don't want to ruin our friendship by making things awkward. I'm happy with the way things are right now.” Quietly, you added in a mutter, “Besides, I'm used to pining from afar.”

Kermerros decided to take matters into his own hands, then, because hearing you talk so fondly about him of all people made him want more. He loved what he already shared with you, but knowing you were willing to be more than friends, he wondered why you shouldn't at least give it a try. You and him were both adults, you could talk things through if any problems arose.

Chapter Text

The avichaea, which I had spent a good chunk of time trying to tranquilize out of the skies as it circled the stony hills, suddenly exploded. Quite literally poofed into bits and pieces of bloody gore in my (very careful, mind you) hands. I watched as the remains dribbled from my fingers, the stench of blood filling my nostrils and making my eyes tear up.

The shock and disbelief were still setting in when Kermerros, who apparently knew about everything I was doing out here regarding Deimos’ wildlife, spoke up, “Bra-vo. Annihilate that lifeform. Obliterate any morsel of data we might have gleaned from it. I appreciate how much you people enjoy bathing in spilled ichor and viscera, but I specifically asked for the lifeform to be sedated.”

Appalled that he apparently blamed this sudden loss on me, I hissed back, all the while wiping the mess from my hands on a nearby rock. “I certainly did not obliterate it! If you were watching close enough, you would have noticed that I was very fucking careful with it, until it suddenly decided to explode in my hands. I certainly do not have any powers that would cause that sort of gorey, dramatic outcome.”

“And besides,” I went on to say, not giving him the chance to object, “you know very well how much I care about these creatures and I am offended you think I would purposely kill one of them out of sheer, psychotic joy. I know you need the samples, I know you need the data, I’m the one providing them for you, every single day and night. Excuse me for making some mistakes along the way, but I will not apologize for something that clearly and absolutely was not my fault. Go back to sleep in your big, fleshy flower bed, or come out here yourself if you want it done the right way.”

Partly satisfied with having put my frustration into words, and partly horrified with having yelled at Kermerros, I quickly cut the transmission link and sat down to take a breather.

How I was going to ever show my face again to the Entrati son, I didn’t know. I would have to face the consequences eventually, because camping out on the Cambion Drift was not something anyone should do.

When I eventually returned after what must have been a few hours of procrastinating, all the while peacefully fishing and mining for Kaelli and Otak (but also for my own peace of mind), I knew I wouldn’t be able to put off talking to Kermerros any longer. It would be cruel to him, but it would also eat me up from the inside the longer I would wait.

There was no snoring coming from his flower when I walked up to it, which already made my blood run a little colder. Either he was awake, or he was somewhere else. I just hoped he wasn’t actually out on Cambion Drift, hunting or maybe even looking for me. I had no idea how he would even go about that, but the Entrati were capable of mysterious things, even while being physically constricted to a mutated flesh flower.

“...Kermerros?” I quietly spoke up, awkwardly wringing my hands together, palms sweaty from nerves.

Both terrified and relieved at the sight of his petals opening, I waited for him to emerge like usual. He seemed a bit hesitant to come out, movements slow and expression unreadable, yet noticeably downcast. He had probably been dreading this moment as much as I was.

I couldn’t tell whether he was angry with me or not, so I took a breath and started the inevitable conversation, “I’m sorry for taking my frustration out on you, for yelling at you. I said some things I’d rather take back, and I really hope I didn’t ruin my chances at being your friend with my behavior.”

I couldn’t keep the eye contact up for very long, dropping my gaze to the floor early on in my apology. Kermerros stayed quiet for a long moment, drinking in my words and brewing his own response. I waited, getting increasingly more anxious with every second that ticked by.

“I accept your apology,” he eventually said, voice lowered to a soft, warm tone I’d never heard him use before. He took a second as if to brace himself for what he was about to say next, “and I’d like to… apologize as well. I realize I’ve been a bit harsh on you, occasionally, and that I shouldn’t take your help for granted.”

Relief washed over me like a gigantic, warm wave, making my shoulders sag as I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I'd been holding. “I appreciate you saying that. I— I also accept your apology.”

I finally gathered enough courage to look up and at his face again, taking in his expression. He looked uncomfortable, but genuine. A spark of relief was briefly visible in his glowing eyes, which were also averted to instead look at his hands, and occasionally, at my feet.

I cleared my throat and shifted my weight. “...Are we still friends? Are we good?”

That made him smile a little. “I’m surprised to hear you actually see me as a friend. I didn’t think I was capable of making them.”

I tilted my head, uncertainty crawling its way into my mind. Had we not been friends this entire time? Had Kermerros merely seen me as a respectable helper? A coworker of sorts? Hesitantly, I opened my mouth, “Well, I like talking to you. I like helping you. I like… you. I’ve seen you as a friend for a while.” I’ve also had a crush on you nearly from the beginning, but we’re not gonna talk about that.

He stared at me then, frozen and with wide, surprised eyes. Apparently, his nonchalance and joking tone had been more facade than genuine mirth. I knew he’d longed for his mother’s approval, doing hurtful and appalling things to get any sort of reaction and attention from his family, though he always meant well. A disguised way of helping and showing that he cared, which the others only now seemed to understand.

Perhaps Kermerros was so used to people being distrustful towards him and generally not being very appreciative of his actions and presence that the prospect of making friends had become impossible in his eyes. My confession of actually liking him seemed to have completely thrown him for a loop.

He blinked himself out of his stupor, clearing his throat, trying and failing to hide the growing smile on his dark lips. “Well, I’m happy we could resolve our issues. I’ll try to be less demanding and judgemental in your future hunts, and… perhaps I could find a way to modify your equipment for easier usage and more satisfying outcomes.”

I perked up at that idea, hoping that perhaps the tranquilizer could be upgraded to assist me in finding and hitting targets more easily. “That sounds great! But no pressure, what I have is already more than enough.”

He waved off my words like smoke. He’d apparently already made up his mind. “Nonsense, there is always room for improvement. Besides, you spend a lot of time out there, might as well make the experience a more pleasurable one for you.”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment, and then, “...It’s the least I can do for my friend.”

He dove back into his infested flower before I could so much as open my mouth, leaving me standing in the dim halls with warm cheeks and a wide smile.

Well, this went better than I had expected.

Chapter Text

The great, infested Entrati halls were empty when Kermerros emerged from his flower with me in his arms. We had cleaned ourselves up after our rather rare alone time, but it would still be pretty obvious what we'd been doing to anyone nosy enough to look.

He gently set me down, his large, left hand holding me by my midriff like one would hold a cup.

“See you around?” It sounded more like a hopeful question than a goodbye.

I smiled and held onto one of his fingers, nearly as thick as my wrist was, feeling the faintest pulse in the tip. “I hope so. I'll send you a message in case I get caught up in something lengthy so you don't have to worry.”

“That would be appreciated,” he murmured. “Void, I know we've just spent hours together, and I hate to be clingy, but it's hard to let you go.”

“I'll always come back sooner or later,” I said, “But it's hard for me to leave, too.”

He heaved a big, lovesick sigh as he retracted his hand from me, making me chuckle at how overly dramatic he sounded.

“Bye for now, you shiny thing.”

I watched him disappear into his flower, hearing another faint, muffled sigh coming from within, before I turned around to walk towards the extraction point. Emilian was already waiting for me, and I wondered how long he'd been standing there.

“Did I keep you waiting?” I asked guiltily.

He uncrossed his arms and smiled at me. “No, don't worry. I kept busy.” There was a strange look on his face; some curious, knowing twinkle in his void-scarred eyes that made my palms sweaty.

He didn't say anything, but I got the feeling that maybe he knew more than he let on.

“You ready to leave?” he asked. Again, his tone indicated he was asking something else.

“As ready as I'll ever be,” I sighed.

“We'll come back soon,” he assured me, turning around as the Liset arrived to pick us up. “There's still much left for me to do. Besides, I kind of like it here.”

“It's weirdly homey, isn't it?” I smiled, despite my nerves. “I never expected this family to be so welcoming and… warm.”

“Yeah.” When I glanced at the Tenno, his mouth was curled up into a small smirk. He knew.

Once we were back on the Orbiter, I put my hands on my hips and leaned against the Codex table. “You know.”

He didn't say anything, but his demeanor changed, looking like someone who's been caught doing something they shouldn't.

I sighed. “For how long?”

Emilian smiled guiltily, rubbing the back of his head as he turned away from the busy Foundry. “Since today. I was looking for you and just happened to see you together. It's not too obvious, but you've just been… I dunno, you've been in a really weird but good mood, and I always wondered why you were so excited to visit Deimos. It just all made a lot of sense all of a sudden.”

I put my hands over my heated cheeks, the steel of the ship having cooled off my palms enough to bring me some relief. “Yeah… Sorry for not telling you, I was just… really scared about anyone knowing because I didn't know how people would react.”

The why was left unspoken, but it was pretty obvious; Kermerros was an Orokin, for once. There was a lot of bad history with Orokin, though the Entrati were well known and greatly respected for their knowledge and work. Kermerros was also mostly infested, meaning he no longer had legs and had grown in size, meaning not everyone would understand the appeal. Apart from all that, he could be a bit… unique, at times. He liked listening to his specimen's entrails stirring as they slept, was deeply fascinated by the infestation, almost admiring it, and he had a rather unique sense of humor.

And I found myself adoring every single thing about him, because it made him the person he was now.

“Well, I was surprised,” Emilian admitted, pulling me out of my musings, “But I don't mind. I actually kinda get it.”

He gave me a rather playful grin, “Kermerros is pretty hot.”

My shoulders slumped as if a weight had been lifted off of them. “Right?! Void, he kept driving me crazy with all that sensual talk about pheromones and stuff when we were hunting.”